The Cost of Xmas versus when we were kids

[Alicia64]

My parents weren't the best parents on the planet -- by a long shot. But they made a show of Christmas and our birthdays. (In retrospect it was part of their "aren't we wonderful parents?" bid.)

 

But I didn't realize that our fancy Christmas and bdays had more to do w/ making them look good rather than doing something nice for us.

 

So, when my guys were little I started the huge fancy Christmas and bday.too -- thinking it was the right thing to do.

 

Long story, short: DH got on me last night for spending too much money. And it occurred to me that toys and kids-fun today is WAY more expensive than it was in the late 70s.

 

I was happy with a barbie and dress up clothes. (Plus I loved getting a new jacket, new undies etc. Whereas my boys don't see clothes as Christmas presents.)

 

One of my sons asked for a drone. I found one for $50.

 

Another asked for a book collection that costs $71 (I don't think he realizes it cost this much.)

 

They're also still very into Legos and can't comprehend Xmas without good Lego sets.

 

Don't get me wrong, they're not brats. I set the bar too high based on my own childhood. But PLUS, everything is just more costly today than it used to be: buy tech stuff and you've a fortune. And we're a low tech house.

 

Just venting. I know plenty of this is of my making. I'm trying to figure out how to scale back.

 

Alley

[Alicia64]

My parents weren't the best parents on the planet -- by a long shot. But they made a show of Christmas and our birthdays. (In retrospect it was part of their "aren't we wonderful parents?" bid.)

 

But I didn't realize that our fancy Christmas and bdays had more to do w/ making them look good rather than doing something nice for us.

 

So, when my guys were little I started the huge fancy Christmas and bday.too -- thinking it was the right thing to do.

 

Long story, short: DH got on me last night for spending too much money. And it occurred to me that toys and kid-fun today is WAY more expensive than it was in the late 70s.

 

I was happy with a barbie and dress up clothes. (Plus I loved getting a new jacket, new undies etc. Whereas my boys don't see clothes as Christmas presents.)

 

One of my sons asked for a drone. I found one for $50.

 

Another asked for a book collection that costs $71 (I don't think he realizes it cost this much.)

 

They're also still very into Legos and can't comprehend Xmas without good Lego sets.

 

Don't get me wrong, they're not brats. I set the bar too high based on my own childhood. But PLUS, everything is just more costly today than it used to be: buy tech stuff and you've spent a fortune. And we're a low tech house.

 

Just venting. I know plenty of this is of my making. I'm trying to figure out how to scale back -- and not freak out my boys.

 

Alley                edited b/c I can't spell anymore!!

 

[Garga]

I have no clue how much Christmas cost when I was a kid. My parents are suuuuper frugal and so we had simple Christmases.  I'd go to school jealous of all those kids with practically a new wardrobe of clothes and gadets and books and Nintendo 64s.  I remember my best friend in high school getting a bunch of new sweaters, a leather coat, a ring with a real jewel in it, gift cards to Macy's, and new music CDs.  That year I got a candlestick for my room and a robe and some lifesavers and a book.

 

My parents were the sort that wanted there to be a lot of packages, but didn't have money, so the year that they bought me 3 pair of leggings (and the thin kind from a cheap store instead of the thick ones everyone else had), they wrapped each legging separately, so that I'd have 6 packages to open.  

 

Christmas was always full of love, but really skimpy on the gifts.  I was grateful for what I got, but I when I had kids I decided I didn't want Christmas to be skimpy for them, so I try to get some good stuff.  We save all year so we can have a good Christmas.  However, from a thread I started last year about how much people spend at Christmas, I find that I still am considered skimpy compared to many. 

 

I'd love one year to have a boatload of money to spend and get a bunch of stuff for us all.  I know that's not the real meaning of Christmas and all...but just one year I'd love a giant Christmas with lots of presents.  I just would.   :)

 

It was easier when the kids were tiny because toys aren't as expensive as the electronics they want now that they're older.  But I don't know if it costs more now or not, but it probably does since our earnings as a nation haven't kept up with inflation.  And there are more electronic gadgets than in the past.  Back then it was all about your big headphones and tape players and CD players.  

Edited December 3, 2016 by Garga

[Prairie~Phlox]

Hugs, my neighbor just posted about this on her FB page a while ago, she has a 14 year old daughter that expects a lot and name brand at that.  No advice, just know that you aren't alone.

[Garga]

Well, your kids are 13 it looks like.  Did you get Barbie and dress up clothes at 13?  Are you confusing your memories of Christmases when you a little girl vs a teen?  

 

On another thread I started about clothes shopping for my son who hates clothes shopping, people were telling me about how teen boys in general don't care much about clothes at all.  Could this also be a boy-girl thing?  Your teen boys will want different things that what you wanted as a teen girl.  When I was a teen, the boys were all getting Nintendos or Sega systems and the girls got clothes.

 

 

Edited December 3, 2016 by Garga

[HomeAgain]

Christmas was rather lavish when I was a kid, but then so were the credit card bills after.  Dh and I decided we didn't want that, so we set aside a fund that we deposit money into all year, and use that (and only that) for Christmas.  It sometimes means getting creative with gifts, but it's fun.  The kids get one thing they really want (the Santa gift) and a handful of things we want for them.  We take turns opening so Christmas morning lasts longer.

 

 

 

 

I'd love one year to have a boatload of money to spend and get a bunch of stuff for us all.  I know that's not the real meaning of Christmas and all...but just one year I'd love a giant Christmas with lots of presents.  I just would.   :)

 

This made me laugh, mostly because I looked online last year and my son's best friend literally got a boatload of presents.  :lol:  Well, a kayak-load, but I couldn't do anything more than just look in awe. 

[MooCow]

Christmas when I was a kid was huge. My mom loved to shop, my dad loved all tech and they could afford it.

 

Since I've been married to my hubby, we've continued to follow his family's traditions. Birthdays are huge, Christmas is small.

[AmandaVT]

Christmas was rather lavish when I was a kid, but then so were the credit card bills after.  Dh and I decided we didn't want that, so we set aside a fund that we deposit money into all year, and use that (and only that) for Christmas.  It sometimes means getting creative with gifts, but it's fun.  The kids get one thing they really want (the Santa gift) and a handful of things we want for them.  We take turns opening so Christmas morning lasts longer.

 

 

 

 

This made me laugh, mostly because I looked online last year and my son's best friend literally got a boatload of presents.  :lol:  Well, a kayak-load, but I couldn't do anything more than just look in awe. 

 

 

This is what we do too. One year, we did Christmas for less than $200 for everyone - extended family, friends, groceries, cards, tree, giving tree gifts, etc. Last year and this year, I was able to set aside $50 a paycheck and have $1200 ish for everything, which makes it easier. 

 

Christmases growing up for me were pretty lavish like HomeAgain, but yup, my parents had the credit card bills after Christmas that they complained about for the next few months. 

[QueenCat]

I don't know......... our Christmases were pretty lavish as a kid. I don't imagine that the barbie townhouse was cheap by any means. We usually got 4-5 gifts from Santa/parents plus a stocking. And then gifts from grandparents, etc... Usually nice stuff for the time, so no, I doubt that spending was lower than, proportional to income, anyways.

[Arcadia]

My extended family has Protestants, Methodists, Catholics, Baptists and other denominations that I can't remember. My parents and sibling are agnostic. So our tradition was to go to midnight mass with whichever cousins we want to go with. Then shop on Boxing Day. There is always lots of food at my aunts homes so we just gather at many homes and admire the Christmas trees. My birthday is in December so I get Lego and electronics then. For Christmas, I get gift cards to my favourite bookstore. One of my cousin forgot one year and gave me cash for Christmas.

 

My BIL is a Christian and his kids would ask for gifts. My husband's aunt family are Christians and for them it is the church service and carolling. So we only have to buy presents for BIL's kids. They are 14, 12 and 9 and have Christmas wish lists.

 

The one difference now with Christmas presents compared to my childhood in the 70s is online shopping. Our extended family ask us to put a wish list on Amazon so they can buy and it would be ship directly to us. As a kid, we would be shopping for a month to get everyone something and I lived in the city so it was malls and shopping streets every weekend. Then I was the designated gift wrapper because my parents find it hard to do all the fancy styles. It was festive and probably cost the same as now except more relatives to buy for.

[LucyStoner]

Toys are actually, adjusted for inflation, cheaper now than they were in the 1970s. This is largely because of offshoring of toy factories. Electronics are also way cheaper today than they were, putting those in reach of families at income points which never would have been able to pay for them in the late 70s and early 1980s.

 

If Christmas seems more expensive it's important to factor in inflation and how many presents people choose to give each kid on average in each income level.

 

When I was looking at Barbies recently for my young nieces I realized the cost about as much as they did dollar for dollar in the 1980s, there were some at very low price points and some that were more like $20 and a few that were way more. Adjusted for inflation though, today's $6 doll is a lot cheaper than the $6 ones I recall from my childhood. The low end ones have always just been sold with a swimsuit or dance leotard.

 

I can guarantee that 13 year old boys in the late 70s and early 80s didn't want barbies...they wanted bikes, electronics, Star Wars stuff etc. But back then, only the relatively very well off got things like electronics.

 

We try to limit it by focusing on gifts more or less in the the want/need/wear/read after going overboard until my older son was about 6.

 

This year my younger son is getting:

 

A rain shell, a boxed set of books he likes from a series for little kids, a ticket to see a play in January, a mine craft foam pickaxe and there is a shared gift of Prime Climb for him and his brother.

 

My older son is getting hiking boots, books, a ticket to a see a play in January, some raspberry pi accessories and the shared gift.

[SparklyUnicorn]

My parents didn't have much money, but they were as generous as possible at x-mas time.  DH and I tend towards being the same way.  His parents didn't spend that much on Christmas, but they would often give very practical gifts (like underwear).  My husband to this day is not amused by getting underwear for Christmas.  So he likes the idea of giving less practical gifts.

 

[bookbard]

Teens are definitely more expensive to buy for. I found something my niece would like, $40 all up incl postage, I will buy it because I like her and she'll like it. For $40 for my 2 little ones I could buy a lot of stuff - because they are happy with chocolate coins and plastic Pokemon figures. I try to keep it as simple as possible for Christmas, because my kids will still get lots of gifts from extended family, and I don't want too much stuff coming into our tiny house anyway. 

[katilac]

I don't think Christmas is inherently anymore expensive in comparison to my childhood (and my childhood was a veeeery long time ago). There are always more and less expensive things to buy. 

[Farrar]

I grew up in alternating times of decent money and extreme poverty. There was a homeless Christmas when we were in someone's summer cabin trying to figure out what to do. That one did feel rough. And the year nothing happened until Christmas Eve, when my mother got a tree they were throwing out and bought all the presents that day. That one felt more madcap - we were psyched that Christmas was going to happen at all. But it always felt special in some way. And stuff... grandparents always provided stuff. And, when she could, so did my mom.

 

I was going to say the same as Katie - that toys are cheaper now. Books are easier to find used. And food is... varied, but there are more lush foods available. I think there are more ways to make it good AND inexpensive (and things like Pinterest help because then you get ideas for games and cheap decorations and things like that).

 

I think really it's 90% attitude. If you see it as special and good, it will be. 

[TravelingChris]

I don;t remember what I got when I was in my teens.  I do remember some of my presents when I was a kid.  I think we probably gave similar types of gifts though I tended to give more clothing in addition.  I know that I got bikes and my last bike I got was a good, not too inexpensive bike.  

 

I do agree with others who said prices have changed and items received have changed too.  There were always kids getting more expensive stuff and ones getting less.  

[AK_Mom4]

When our older kids were little, we did the Big Fancy Christmas - on a Dollar-Store budget.  It was all about the experiences.  

 

Baking cookies and donating them, decorating, driving around in the van to look at Christmas lights with hot cocoa, Christmas caroling, building snow forts. Christmas Eve candlelight church service.  Christmas morning was huge - homemade cinnamon rolls AND pancakes.  At least one new board game for everyone to play and (usually) a new sled to try out. Fancy meal with whatever family was in town and using the "fancy plates".

 

Presents were some (needed) clothes and usually one larger gift to share, plus whatever grandparents gave.

 

As the kids have gotten older, they still have their "comfort" experiences that we do, but less of them because they developed outside interests.  Our income has grown too, so now each kid usually gets one nicer gift of their own.  And our tradition now includes a Christmas Day Movie Theater visit - with popcorn and candy....

 

If you want to scale back - choose the experience things that cost less but add more value.

[vonbon]

A teenaged family member was recently commenting on Christmas gifts and a friend's parents take on it.  The parents told their daughter she could either just have the $500 they planned to spend on gifts for her or they would pick out the presents for her.  

 

Internally my jaw dropped.  $500?!  For one teen? Wow.  (Maybe this is "normal" in some areas/cultures?)  They do live in a somewhat-more-affluent-than-the-average-American area, though it butts right up to a less-than-average-American-affluence area.

 

$500 is about what we've spent on the entire Christmas season for our family and others for years (gifts, random donations, wrapping paper, food, travel, etc.).  

 

$500 could feed my family for 2.5 months.  I realize we are super-frugal in some ways and maybe this is not the "norm".

 

$500 could buy half of the old, totally-working used car I just sold...a perfect teen car for getting to school/work.  

 

No judgment here.  It's none of my business, really.  I was just kind of shocked/surprised that this was the "norm" for my family member and her friends.  On her end, it wasn't said as something over-the-top...just normal.   I don't think my family lives in that world.  

 

I don't think it's bad/wrong--maybe that's that family's situation/bent and people live life differently--thankfully!  It was just so different from how we've lived that it was a bit shocking to me.  I'm sure in some circles, $500 per teen is nothing.  Growing up, Christmas gifts were generally fairly pared-down and basic in our family.  

 

I can imagine Christmas becoming more expensive as my kids enter the teen years.  Then again, maybe we will take a different tack up this "mountain".  I would love for our family to focus on the spiritual side of things more than the "getting"...serve others who truly need basic care...I am an idealist though and I do see costs increasing as my children enter new activities and social situations.  

 

I dunno, I completely, 100% think that new clothes are a totally valid Christmas gift.  In my house, having a different opinion than that would = signs that a person is becoming spoiled, entitled, and, frankly, should probably shift their focus from self to others.  Maybe I'm an ogre.  So many people on this planet will never have a single piece of new clothing in their lives.  (Not that I preach about this at Christmas.  Just my personal opinion.)

 

FWIW, we set aside about $50/month throughout the year to maintain a constant balance of $600 for weddings that might come up, birthdays, Christmas, etc.  We can be generous when the need for a nice gift arises because the money is just there.  No credit balances.  Tithe, giving, and donations are separate from this.  

 

Also, many years we have put money into raw materials to make all of our gifts for extended family.  This does take some thought, time, and commitment to working ahead, though, and that gets harder to do as life gets busier some years.  Some years we just can't face it and don't, opting to purchase things.  I have a bin in the garage where I store gifts that I find throughout the year for particular people.  It helps cut down the cost and stress of last-minute.  Ideally, I'd love to spend gobs on everyone...it's just not our reality.

 

This year and at other occasions, I've challenged my under-10 DC to make gifts for one another.  I helped them purchase clay, fabric, etc. and they are excited about their ideas.  I am excited that they don't see "going to the store" and buying some plastic-y thing as the only option for giving a really nice, thoughtful, beautiful gift.  (Though sometimes we do buy plastic-y things.)  The only problem is that now I've committed my already-busy self to several hours of helping them make their gifts a reality.  :sad:   If I can help them start soon, it can be a joy vs. a stress.   :001_smile:

 

(I realize the homemade ideas might not be quite as applicable for teens, but if a teen had skills in a particular area, I've seen some amazing handmade and artistic gifts that meant more to the recipient than any bought item ever could have.)  

[matrips]

We scaled back when my kids were 8. That year we started the

something to wear

Something to share

Something you need

Something to read

And something they want. So five gifts each.

 

It's worked out better than I imagined because they out so much thought into what they really want and need anymore.

 

So one of my 12yo boys has new sandals and clean underwear on his list :). He also has no suggestions on what his aunt could give him for Christmas. He's tapped out of ideas. :)

[Night Elf]

I remember talking to my mom about this years ago when my kids were very young. My memories of Christmas when I was a kid was that they were huge, with lots of toys and books. I wanted to do the same thing for my kids since I had such great memories. My mom was so pleased I had those memories but she told me that she never really spent a lot of money. She'd shop for lots of little stuff like jump ropes, jacks, coloring books, new crayons, reading books, clothes, jigsaw puzzles, board games, etc. Then she'd lay them all spread out away from the Christmas tree so that when my sister and I went into the living room, it looked like a toy store. In trying to recreate those memories, I was buying my children expensive gifts because I didn't remember it was not expensive stuff. So I stopped spending so much when the kids were young. As they got older, their gifts got more expensive so we spent more. But we still cap it at a certain amount so we aren't adding debt to our credit cards. I have always tried to add some inexpensive things in to pad their Christmases so they had several packages to open.

[Bluegoat]

I don't think Christmas was skimpy when I was a kid, even when we were financially pinched.  But, I have a large extended family.

 

We try to keep expectations pretty low for gifts in our house.  So - Santa brings a stocking, and they get a gift each from us.  This year they are getting matching pjs and a fun thing - doll clothes for dd9, a star wars figure for ds6, and a chess book for dd11.  They usually get something nice from my mom, though not always flashy, some flashy gifts (too many ,really) from my ILs, and a maybe 3 or 4 all together from aunts etc. 

 

We've really avoided anything like electronics, I don't want to set a precedent.

 

When I look at other people, the main thing I notice is they seem to be getting more gifts overall.  So, I see many people now who are getting their kids between five and ten gifts besides stockings, and some may be expensive electronics.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Teens are definitely more expensive to buy for. I found something my niece would like, $40 all up incl postage, I will buy it because I like her and she'll like it. For $40 for my 2 little ones I could buy a lot of stuff - because they are happy with chocolate coins and plastic Pokemon figures. I try to keep it as simple as possible for Christmas, because my kids will still get lots of gifts from extended family, and I don't want too much stuff coming into our tiny house anyway. 

 

yeah gone are the days where they get excited over some Fisher Price thing....

 

ugh...the stuff now is SO expensive

[Storygirl]

My mother definitely spent more at Christmas than I do. She loved shopping, and gift giving was her love language. I'm much more frugal and have an aversion to accumulating things in our house (we already have too much and need to purge). So even though my husband has a higher income than my dad did when I was growing up, I buy my children fewer gifts.

 

I aim for three to five gifts for each of my four children, usually including a new pair of pajamas and something to read. So they each get one or two fun items from their Christmas list. Most of it is not expensive, although this year they will each get a new ipod, because their old ones from years ago are mostly broken. Plus they receive candy and a small toy in their stocking.

 

They do get other gifts from extended family. Since I have four children, it adds up to a lot of new stuff. Just from DH and me, five items a piece means 20 new things for my kids. I consider that a lot of shopping and wrapping, even though it is less than what Mom did.

[LucyStoner]

When I was a kid Christmases were really varied and often hinged on well meaning but often intrusive acts of charity.

 

One year we were homeless and living in a motel in a very sketchy area. That year we were nominated by the motel manager to a local charity and they swooped down on Christmas Eve with a ton of food and presents delivered by Santa and volunteers dressed as elves. It was awkward as, young as we were, we didn't believe in Santa. It seemed exciting for us but I remember my brother being bothered that we were featured in the paper and looking back my parents, who were not asked but rather told what was happening must have been fairly embarrassed. Another year, we were living in a few rooms at a house attached to a church in trade for janitorial and maintenance work. People kept dropping off toys and stuff on our porch to the extent that my mom ended up taking a lot of it to Toys for Tots because it was too much AND many people were well intentioned but they were dropping off toddler toys for kids aged 9 and 11. Some people also dropped off what was more or less garbage like broken toys, puzzles that were mixed up or missing pieces etc. I remember another year my mom returned a bunch of stuff before Christmas so she could get my brother and I stuff we wanted and a nosy church lady being very offended that my mom had returned dolls and frilly dresses to get her tomboys sports equipment. Like trading in the dresses for things we'd wear and the dolls for soccer and baseball gear meant my mom was ungrateful and that what mattered more to the donors than us having a nice Christmas was us pretending to like dresses. Merry Christmas to you!

 

This is why my preferred Christmas charity is giving parents the means to buy and wrap their own gifts for their kids.

Edited December 3, 2016 by LucyStoner

[Guest]

We did not do an extended family gift exchange as kids. My inlaws didnt either, but they started it when their children married. It became so expensive that we stopped. And it took the joy out of gift exchanges for us..so much clutter. So, we are back to reasonable in cost, as we stick with something needed, something wanted, music, game, book.

[Alicia64]

When I was a kid Christmases were really varied and often hinged on well meaning but often intrusive acts of charity.

 

One year we were homeless and living in a motel in a very sketchy area. That year we were nominated by the motel manager to a local charity and they swooped down on Christmas Eve with a ton of food and presents delivered by Santa and volunteers dressed as elves. It was awkward as, young as we were, we didn't believe in Santa. It seemed exiting for us but I remember my brother being bothered that we were featured in the paper and looking back my parents, who were not asked but rather told what was happening must have been fairly embarrassed. Another year, we were living in a few rooms at a house attached to a church in trade for janitorial and maintenance work. People kept dropping off toys and stuff on our porch to the extent that my mom ended up taking a lot of it to Toys for Tots because it was too much AND many people were well intentioned but they were dropping off toddler toys for kids aged 9 and 11. Some people also dropped off what was more or less garbage like broken toys, puzzles that were mixed up or missing pieces etc. I remember another year my mom returned a bunch of stuff before Christmas so she could get my brother and I stuff we wanted and a nosy church lady being very offended that my mom had returned dolls and frilly dresses to get her tomboys sports equipment. Like trading in the dresses for things we'd wear and the dolls for soccer and baseball gear meant my mom was ungrateful and that what mattered more to the donors than us having a nice Christmas was us pretending to like dresses. Merry Christmas to you!

 

This is why my preferred Christmas charity is giving parents the means to buy and wrap their own gifts for their kids.

 

Thank you so much for sharing this. I've often wondered about donating without knowing the family.

 

I have a fairly large stack of boys' clothes in really good condition. Any suggestion for where to donate something like this? I'm (oddly) attached to my kids former clothes and I want the clothes to go to a home that will love them. (I know, I'm nuts.)

 

Alley

 

[LucyStoner]

Thank you so much for sharing this. I've often wondered about donating without knowing the family.

 

I have a fairly large stack of boys' clothes in really good condition. Any suggestion for where to donate something like this? I'm (oddly) attached to my kids former clothes and I want the clothes to go to a home that will love them. (I know, I'm nuts.)

 

Alley

 

I hope my thoughts don't discourage giving, I just hope that people are inspired give freely and unselfishly and in the least condescending ways possible.

 

When I have used kids clothes in good condition I mostly give them on a local Buy Nothing group or take them to a shelter for families with kids.

Edited December 4, 2016 by LucyStoner

[kroe1]

Christmas is what we make of it, no matter what generation. Merry Christmas. Alicia, thank you for the story. It makes me realize the importance of getting the right gift, not just a random gift.

[Tanaqui]

I can see spending $500 on a Christmas present for one child if it's a really big-ticket present - like, maybe the kid is in her senior year of high school, so I get her a nice laptop that she'll take to college. Or we just managed to get them into their own room, so we fold in "decorating your new room" into "Christmas!" Or even, we decided to just consider a new coat and new jammies and new undies all "Christmas presents" - nice coats and boots are expensive even before you add in the actual gifts.

 

But no, I wouldn't make that standard for fun gifts. Even if I had that kind of money to spend, I'd rather spend some of it on my kid and the rest on charity. You're not really doing your child any favors to make them think that this is the norm.

[Tanaqui]

This is why my preferred Christmas charity is giving parents the means to buy and wrap their own gifts for their kids.

 

That's always better if possible. Few charities seem to be set up this way, though the one we do has us responding to specific requests from kids. I try really hard to get the kids what they asked for, or at least something comparable if what they asked for isn't possible. (Last year one girl wanted a talking globe. Well, those all retail at over $100, and reviews say every one of them breaks within days. She wouldn't really want that, and as at 12 I figured she was old enough to know we weren't really Santa I got her a regular globe and an almanac and wrote a note explaining the situation.)

[Crimson Wife]

I don't remember Christmas as being cheap when I was a kid in the '80's. It was typical for the families in my town to all jet off to Club Med or skiing in the Alps for the week between Christmas and New Year's. I knew my family wasn't actually poor because we always had the basics, but I definitely felt relatively poor compared to my classmates. It turns out that we actually were smack dab in the middle wrt income (ETA: for my town) but my parents believed in living frugally rather than using debt to finance conspicuous consumption.

 

I am very glad that homeschooling has allowed my children to escape the social nastiness that can result from opting out of the whole "keeping up with the Joneses" lifestyle.

Edited December 3, 2016 by Crimson Wife

[RioSamba]

Christmases growing up were lavish, magical, bursting with extended family, special outings, parties, activities, fantastic food, and gifts. I think perhaps what's different for us is the cost of everything else. Housing is so much more in our HCOLA. Medical care. Children's sports/lessons/activities. If it seems harder to "produce" the kind of Christmas you experienced as a child, some of it may be that there just isn't as much time, energy, or money left over for Christmas as there once was.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

The last few years before DS went to college his gifts were trips to Boy Scout camps - Northern Tier, Philmont, and Jambo. Luckily the trips to NT and Philmont were holiday treks and were scheduled between Christmas and New Years.

 

I'm sad that we still have to economize during the holidays, especially now that our children are older. Things like college tuition, car insurance, and other big ticket items that we pay for throughout the year leave us without a lot of discretionary money at the holidays. We have family traditions that we do and I hold tight to those.

Edited December 4, 2016 by Scoutermom

[tm919]

My mom spent about the same adjusted for inflation, but there were more packages. My kids get stocking stuffers, 1 nice santa gift, 1 book from us, and they usually get something for each other (so 3 gifts + stockings for each kid). They also get something nice on st. nick's day so I guess that's 4.

[sewingmama]

Teens are definitely more expensive to buy for. I found something my niece would like, $40 all up incl postage, I will buy it because I like her and she'll like it. For $40 for my 2 little ones I could buy a lot of stuff - because they are happy with chocolate coins and plastic Pokemon figures. I try to keep it as simple as possible for Christmas, because my kids will still get lots of gifts from extended family, and I don't want too much stuff coming into our tiny house anyway.

Pokemon figures are cheap? My kids want them but I'm not getting them...they are $20 each in Aus.

[Guest]

Given their pay, my parents (mom and step dad st least) were abnormally frugal on Christmas for their group of friends. I don't think they usually spent more than $50-70 on any of us except if a very specific expensive item was purchased like a bike or something. I really appreciate their restraint in that honestly :)

[sewingmama]

A teenaged family member was recently commenting on Christmas gifts and a friend's parents take on it. The parents told their daughter she could either just have the $500 they planned to spend on gifts for her or they would pick out the presents for her.

 

Internally my jaw dropped. $500?! For one teen? Wow. (Maybe this is "normal" in some areas/cultures?) They do live in a somewhat-more-affluent-than-the-average-American area, though it butts right up to a less-than-average-American-affluence area.

 

$500 is about what we've spent on the entire Christmas season for our family and others for years (gifts, random donations, wrapping paper, food, travel, etc.).

 

$500 could feed my family for 2.5 months. I realize we are super-frugal in some ways and maybe this is not the "norm".

 

$500 could buy half of the old, totally-working used car I just sold...a perfect teen car for getting to school/work.

 

No judgment here. It's none of my business, really. I was just kind of shocked/surprised that this was the "norm" for my family member and her friends. On her end, it wasn't said as something over-the-top...just normal. I don't think my family lives in that world.

 

I don't think it's bad/wrong--maybe that's that family's situation/bent and people live life differently--thankfully! It was just so different from how we've lived that it was a bit shocking to me. I'm sure in some circles, $500 per teen is nothing. Growing up, Christmas gifts were generally fairly pared-down and basic in our family.

 

I can imagine Christmas becoming more expensive as my kids enter the teen years. Then again, maybe we will take a different tack up this "mountain". I would love for our family to focus on the spiritual side of things more than the "getting"...serve others who truly need basic care...I am an idealist though and I do see costs increasing as my children enter new activities and social situations.

 

I dunno, I completely, 100% think that new clothes are a totally valid Christmas gift. In my house, having a different opinion than that would = signs that a person is becoming spoiled, entitled, and, frankly, should probably shift their focus from self to others. Maybe I'm an ogre. So many people on this planet will never have a single piece of new clothing in their lives. (Not that I preach about this at Christmas. Just my personal opinion.)

 

FWIW, we set aside about $50/month throughout the year to maintain a constant balance of $600 for weddings that might come up, birthdays, Christmas, etc. We can be generous when the need for a nice gift arises because the money is just there. No credit balances. Tithe, giving, and donations are separate from this.

 

Also, many years we have put money into raw materials to make all of our gifts for extended family. This does take some thought, time, and commitment to working ahead, though, and that gets harder to do as life gets busier some years. Some years we just can't face it and don't, opting to purchase things. I have a bin in the garage where I store gifts that I find throughout the year for particular people. It helps cut down the cost and stress of last-minute. Ideally, I'd love to spend gobs on everyone...it's just not our reality.

 

This year and at other occasions, I've challenged my under-10 DC to make gifts for one another. I helped them purchase clay, fabric, etc. and they are excited about their ideas. I am excited that they don't see "going to the store" and buying some plastic-y thing as the only option for giving a really nice, thoughtful, beautiful gift. (Though sometimes we do buy plastic-y things.) The only problem is that now I've committed my already-busy self to several hours of helping them make their gifts a reality. :sad: If I can help them start soon, it can be a joy vs. a stress. :001_smile:

 

(I realize the homemade ideas might not be quite as applicable for teens, but if a teen had skills in a particular area, I've seen some amazing handmade and artistic gifts that meant more to the recipient than any bought item ever could have.)

$500 for a teen seems ok to me 🤔. I spend more then that on each of my kids but it doesnt equal masses of gifts under the tree. When Lego sets cost over $100 each and video games are upwards of $70 it goes fast. My DD wanted tickets to see Matilda the musical...for B reserve tickets it was still $130 and shes 10 so needs someone to go with ...so $260. And just because they get them my kids certainly don't expect these types of pricey gifts. When my DD first metioned the tickets she asked me. " So how much do you think Matilda tickets would cost? and I replied "Oh over a hundred dollars, I'm guessing". Her little face fell and she said "Oh well I guess I won't be going to see that then" and she forgot about it and hasn't asked again. I splurged because its been her absolute favourite book forever and I will admit...I do it for the thrill it gives me to see their faces when they get something they didnt expect they would ever get.😉

 

I save and find sales all year to manage the costs. Never use credit cards. When I was a kid I got one or two small gifts.. hardly ever what I asked for. When I was a teen I remember one year all I got was a cheap, ugly t-shirt because my mum "didnt know what to buy teens". I remember feeling horrible every christmas...not really because of lack of gifts but I felt like no one cared about me enough to even try and get something I would like.

Edited December 3, 2016 by sewingmama

[SKL]

I was the 3rd of 6 kids, and my parents were working-class, so they didn't spend a lot on Christmas.  They always used to tell us that Santa was poor and we were only going to get 1 present, so what 1 thing did we really want.  Then they always did more than we were led to expect, so it was always exciting.  :)  Great job, Mom & Dad!  I remember one year when I was maybe 8yo, and I counted up how many presents I got. Seven!  Wow!  Including the coloring book and crayons and similar.  The biggest gift I ever got was a used violin - I could hardly believe it.  I still don't know how my parents managed it.

 

I am a "less is more" kind of person, and I feel that is best for kids.  That was my intention going in - to have few goodies and make the most of them.  However, the matter was taken out of my hand by the childless "aunties" who go nutso every chance they have to buy my kids stuff.  For the first few years, I didn't even buy my kids anything - just brought up stuff I'd previously picked up at sales and put in the basement.  The kids never knew the difference. 

 

Well, that and I get my kids things at other times - if they get a bike, it's purchased in the spring, when they can actually ride it.  Clothes, sports equipment, etc. are purchased on an ongoing basis.  Birthdays are the times I do "rite of passage" type gifts.

 

Having been through 9 Christmases with my kids, I now think it doesn't matter that much either way.  I have one kid who loves "stuff" and one who doesn't.  But I don't really think their personality is affected one way or the other by what happens on Christmas morning.

[SKL]

But as for cost - yeah, I think things like Lego are far more expensive than they used to be.  Basically the value of a trademark has increased exponentially.  We could choose not to participate, but good luck with that.

[sewingmama]

But as for cost - yeah, I think things like Lego are far more expensive than they used to be. Basically the value of a trademark has increased exponentially. We could choose not to participate, but good luck with that.

My boys love Lego so much I save really hard to get the big sets for Christmas...only little sets always seems a little disappointing. Plus I also justify that Lego holds its resale value or that keeping them to pass down to grandkids is always worthwhile. I dont mind spending a bit on the classics.

[sewingmama]

Ds got Matilda tix last year. If it helps with the price pain, it was AWESOME!

I bought them on presale so even at B reserve we have seats right up the front. DD will love it and it will be her first live show. I feel bad I couldnt afford to take the boys but they wouldnt enjoy it as much anyway.

[maize]

My parents didn't do lavish Christmases. Dh's parents did. We've chosen to follow in my family's footsteps and keep things simple, my kids have been content with that because it is what they are used to.

[mom2scouts]

When I was a child, we ONLY got new things for our birthdays and Christmas. We all had spring/summer birthdays and it worked out well. Since it was the only time we got things, my parents went all out for Christmas. When my children were born, I did the same and it became harder and harder as our family grew. Now I make sure my kids have lots of presents, but most of them are things they need and I would buy for them anyway. One child has outgrown lots of clothes and she'll be getting new clothes for Christmas. They will get underwear, socks, school supplies, accessories needed for extracurriculars, winter gloves, and other things like that with a few fun things they want. 

 

ETA: We don't have any relatives who buy gifts for our kids, so this is all they get and I like to make it look like a little more.

Edited December 3, 2016 by mom2scouts

[Ausmumof3]

yeah maybe this is more of a teen thing than a more expensive thing. Although we got less back in the day, consumer stuff was dearer.

 

I also think a lot of people have less leftover money because housing and living costs are chewing up a bigger chunk of wages. So although toys aren't that dear relatively speaking there isn't as much money available. For some anyway. Electronics is a whole different thing of course, the equivalent in our day was maybe a CD player or Walkman I guess...?

[fraidycat]

changed my mind

Edited December 4, 2016 by fraidycat

[Liz CA]

When I was a kid Christmases were really varied and often hinged on well meaning but often intrusive acts of charity.

 

One year we were homeless and living in a motel in a very sketchy area. That year we were nominated by the motel manager to a local charity and they swooped down on Christmas Eve with a ton of food and presents delivered by Santa and volunteers dressed as elves. It was awkward as, young as we were, we didn't believe in Santa. It seemed exciting for us but I remember my brother being bothered that we were featured in the paper and looking back my parents, who were not asked but rather told what was happening must have been fairly embarrassed. Another year, we were living in a few rooms at a house attached to a church in trade for janitorial and maintenance work. People kept dropping off toys and stuff on our porch to the extent that my mom ended up taking a lot of it to Toys for Tots because it was too much AND many people were well intentioned but they were dropping off toddler toys for kids aged 9 and 11. Some people also dropped off what was more or less garbage like broken toys, puzzles that were mixed up or missing pieces etc. I remember another year my mom returned a bunch of stuff before Christmas so she could get my brother and I stuff we wanted and a nosy church lady being very offended that my mom had returned dolls and frilly dresses to get her tomboys sports equipment. Like trading in the dresses for things we'd wear and the dolls for soccer and baseball gear meant my mom was ungrateful and that what mattered more to the donors than us having a nice Christmas was us pretending to like dresses. Merry Christmas to you!

 

This is why my preferred Christmas charity is giving parents the means to buy and wrap their own gifts for their kids.

 

I can see how an experience like this can color your view of Christians and "helping one another."

 

[Liz CA]

Dh's family had big Christmases. They were pretty hands off the rest of the year and not much engaged with their kids but Christmas was celebrated big.

My family had a few thoughtful toys and there was a more contemplative atmosphere of real candles, lavishly decorated trees, the Christmas story and memories of stomping through the snow to church at midnight on Christmas Eve.

[lynn]

I remember my childhood Christmases, they were always good we got one bigger gift several smaller ones. We were happy. When we were older mom let us know we only had a $30 budget for each of us. We did not mind. We got nice things. Now for my own kids we could afford more so we do more and it's been fun. However this year is the first without Legos or American girl. No one wants much.

[Excelsior! Academy]

Is it sad that I can't really remember?  I do remember a bike and doll.  Another year was a pair of earrings that I had asked for.

 

We've done big Christmas, without meaning to.  Most of the things were not much $ or were needed.  One year my dd's got bedding.  Another I literally printed doll house accessories and got a big Crayola art set.  Yet another year we found this wooden train table with wooden trains, fake lego style blocks and other toys for $20.  It was awesome!!

 

We've decided to break the mega present buying cycle and give experiences and family games.  Not ski trip or Club Med experiences, but more like a trip to Krispy Kreme or dollar movie theater as a family.  

[Jen in NY]

We don't do huge on Christmas. We just don't have a lot of extra cash... especially now with two in college. It's my fault... I always spend the cash on classes or experiences or .... well, whatever. I am not a good planner, either. But we did start a tradition about 10 years ago that we all continue and LOVE, and it usually costs very little. Everyone makes something for one another. It's so much fun! It takes a little planning and sometimes results are not exactly *professional* looking, but these gifts are some of their most treasured possessions.

 

Over the years they have made clocks (inexpensive clockworks from a craft store...one a board decorated with scrapbook papers and mod podge, one made of a Lego plate and a few bricks), Hogwarts House Scarves, a personalized 'book safe', a primitive painting including a favorite Shakespeare quote, an Altoids tin red light flashlight for astronomy, a tea wreath for the year my dd1 started drinking it, very personal Lego ornaments made by ds for dds, a personalized Redwall calendar made on the computer, dd2 wrote & illustrated an awesome How to Train Your Dragon Odin's Day story for her brother when he was in LOVE with those books, last year for dd2 I found a small Christmas tree at Goodwill, and we all made a whole bunch of homemade Harry Potter themed ornaments for it including a knitted Hogwarts Colors garland, and set it up after dd went to bed. She cried when she woke up to it! There are so many more I am not remembering.

 

Really, they are the things they will take with them and remember, because they spent so much time thinking about what would make the others happy. I am sure they don't remember anything else we have given at all!

 

This is not the way my parents and our extended families did Christmas... we would get many, many gifts each year because I had 10 aunts and uncles and we all exchanged gifts with everyone. It was massive, happy, chaos. There were just so many people and packages! My kids.... one uncle on each side - one cousin (that they see. long story). That's it! So even if there was a chance of spending the same amount of money per kid, it still wouldn't feel like the holidays when I was a kid.

 

Merry, Merry Christmas! I hope it is full of peace and light for you.

 

Edited December 4, 2016 by Jen in NY