Feeling emotional -ds8 has dyslexia

[EmmaNZ]

We don't have a formal report yet but the lady today said his verbal ability is way ahead of his writing and spelling ability. Also that he has a slow processing speed (I'm not even really sure what that means). He does not have any significant issues with reading though, so that is one good thing.

 

I really know nothing about dyslexia. Can you reassure me that this is going to be ok? That I can still teach him? That it isn't my fault (I'm not even sure why I feel guilty, but I know that is one of the things I'm feeling)

 

Are there any good books I read about this, to educate myself about where to go from here?

Edited November 22, 2016 by EmmaNZ

[Jean in Newcastle]

((Emma)) Please cross-post this on the learning challenges board.  They will be able to help you with lots of good information.  My ds with slow processing speed (who is in college)  just needs some extra time to work on his assignments. 

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: 

 

Yes your child can learn.  NO this isn't your fault.  And Yes cross post on the Learning Challenges board.  Also, maybe read The Dyslexic Advantage by Brock and Fernette Eide and Overcoming Dyslexia by Sally Shaywitz.  And maybe hop on the Barton Reading and Spelling website for some helpful info.

[Melissa in Australia]

Your son is going to be OK - he will achieve brilliant things as do the majority of dyslexic children do.  you have to have above average intelligence to have dyslexia. You can teach him WAY WAY better than any school - where he will quickly fall behind and struggle. 

 

I will tell you my story

 

I have at least 3 who have profound dyslexia and the other 2 have it mildly.

 

 

ds 23 - I had to scribe for him until he was 16. He did his first essay by himself when he was 16 for University. When tested at 17 it was found that he used long term memory for math ability. this was why he could not show any workings out in algebra, but rather would have the answer instantly . (he tells me that at Uni he still would have the answer instantly and spend 3-4 days afterwards working the problems backwards to have the proofs he needed to hand in. ) his IQ tests scored him on the 140th percentile for mathematical ability and the 29th percentile for writing ability. a HUGE difference. He started full time university ( and shifted to the city to attend at 17) He completed his Aerospace Degree last month it was an honers degree - he was the only Aerospace student to get on the Deens list  in his year.

 

ds20 probably  has dyslexia only mildly - he cannot spell to save himself He got a tertiary diploma, Diploma of Conservation and Environment by age 19

 

ds18 had huge difficulty reading, writing and doing mathematics. He was OK with Mathematics until algebra. I remember going through the whole math book and changing all the a, b, q, p, etc into x, y, z ans he could never tell the difference between the alphabet and numbers. also he could not do more than 2 steps in a math problem before becoming confused. so I spent a huge amount of time helping him through each and every problem. I also got him to write all of his school work on a computer with auto check on so he could get hints on how to spell words. Ideally it would have been better if he used a program like Dragon Speaking, but he refused. He went to TAFE at 16 and studied and received a Diploma of Conservation and Environment before he turned 18 . the youngest in the state to do so.

 

dd 16 has it mildly - she cannot spell and hates reading . she is brilliant at whatever she puts her hand to and will be doing Open University next year as her pathway to Uni she is hoping to study a degree in Occupational Therapy.

 

ds13 is really struggling to learn to read. he can read books like Usborne level 2 series readers ( basically grade 1-2 level). he is extremely embarrassed by his lack  of ability to read. it has a huge impact on his life.his writing is extremely poor and we have just started to use the computer for most of his writing. Because he has such difficulty reading he tries all sorts of avoidance to get out of doing his schoolwork and we struggle through each and every day. HE is OK with math atm - we are doing Saxon 76 so only  minimal algebra so far.

 

 

Dyslexia is genetic. I have it mildly I could read by 4, and an a fast reader a very poor speller etc , my brother has it profoundly and tells me he only worked out how to read for pleasure when 27 - and that was by skipping all the short words so he could comprehend what was happening by the end of each sentence. My Uncles all have it as do most of their children......

Edited November 22, 2016 by Melissa in Australia

[EmmaNZ]

Thank you all. I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed.

 

Will get my hands on those books and have a read. Thanks for the suggestions.

 

How do I cross-post?

[MistyMountain]

I have a kid like that. He is in school and his needs are not being met. I am considering bringing him home because it will meet his needs better. It is not easy but it is better then getting lost with classroom instruction in a busy classroom and not keeping up the pace and yet also not getting the high level content they thrive on. It may not be easy and it is quite scary but you just do the best you can and takes things one step at a time. It is definitely not you fault. This profile comes with strengths and weaknesses. There may be weaknesses but there are also strengths too.

Edited November 22, 2016 by MistyMountain

[MistyMountain]

Bright Kids Who Cannot Keep Up is a good book about processing speed.

Edited November 22, 2016 by MistyMountain

[Lori D.]

:grouphug:  and welcome!

 

DS#2 had several mild learning disabilities here: a delayed reader, "stealth" dyslexia, and real troubles with spelling, writing, and math (esp. abstract math topics like Algebra). SOOO grateful we homeschooled from grade 1 all the way through! By homeschooling we could slow things down to take them at his pace, and using lots of visual-spatial ("right-brain") we kept him engaged and interested until eventually things started to click for him. DS graduated from homeschool high school, did 2 years of community college, and is now doing hands-on conservation and trail restoration work and having a blast.

 

Homeschooling also allowed us to give him to pursue his passions and interests and strong areas -- because while dyslexics do have weak areas of brain processing, they also have areas they are incredibly strong and gifted in! :)

 

Just encouraging you: it's not always easy (nothing is!), but homeschooling can be such a gift to these children -- and to the family to be able to have the opportunity to develop deep bonds and relationships without the stress of outside school expectations. :)

 

Having a diagnosis is also a blessing because it helps you know what kinds of therapies or helps to get going with for early intervention, and it will help narrow down what kinds of materials are most apt to fit with your DS's learning needs.

 

 

How do I cross-post?

 

Just copy the text from your original post above, and then go to the Learning Challenges board of this website, click on "Start A New Topic", paste the text in that new thread, and then for your topic title use the same title as this thread but just add "x-post" in front of the title, like this:

 

"x-post: Feeling emotional - DS8 has dyslexia"

 

 

Wishing you and DS all the best! Warmest regards, Lori D.

 

Edited November 22, 2016 by Lori D.

[freesia]

Echoing Melissa in Au--it's genetic and it absolutely does not have to hold your child back at all.  My family is chock full of dyslexics who are very successful.  (engineers, business people, an OT, a PT, a lawyer; colleges graduated from include Princeton, Yale, Harvard, Connecticut College, UVa)

 

It's going to be okay, you can teach him, there are LOTS of resources to help him. 

[EmmaNZ]

I can't think of anybody in my family who is dyslexic though. not even amongst cousins or aunts and uncles.

 

Thanks so much for the reassurances and encouragement. It helps 😊

[freesia]

I can't think of anybody in my family who is dyslexic though. not even amongst cousins or aunts and uncles.

 

Thanks so much for the reassurances and encouragement. It helps 😊

 

What about your husband's family?  Also, often someone who reads slowly and thinks they are "stupid", but you know they are plenty smart, could be dyslexic. I highly suspect that of my MIL, who actually just vocalized that she thinks she might be this year.  (I'd been telling dh for years)  The great thing about knowing is that you can help support your child so they don't think they are stupid--they know they just process and see things differently.  (It helps ds that Percy Jackson is dyslexic LOL)

 

Anyway, it doesn't really matter if you find the genetic link--just interesting to ponder. 

 

I'm glad you are feeling better.

[Lori D.]

I can't think of anybody in my family who is dyslexic though. not even amongst cousins or aunts and uncles.

 

The only other extended family member (and we have a big extended family on both sides) who has similar issues as our DS is his one younger cousin. So genetics is NOT a strong factor for our DS either.

 

While there can be a genetic component, I personally find it easier to understand that this is a biological difference, with physiological and chemical differences in the brain and in processing.

 

It is NOT something that you "did" or "created" as a parent or as a homeschooler. It is NOT the result of you "exposing him to something" during pregnancy. It is NOT a "behaviorial issue" that is somehow a reaction or learned response to your parenting or family dynamics. It simply is part of the unique wiring and make-up of your son. 

 

And yes, while it does make for some difficulties in certain kinds of academics, be also looking for where it makes strengths for your DS, and help him see those things too. :) It is too easy for these kids to start feeling bad about themselves because they aren't "getting" academics as fast or in the same way that siblings or peers are -- that "they aren't like everyone else". But having a different type of brain wiring makes for incredibly great creativity and skills in other areas that get missed if the child is only focusing on how they are weak in a few areas.

 

BEST of luck as you begin to do some research and figure this out! :) Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited November 22, 2016 by Lori D.

[Lanny]

Hello: I believe you should be very optimistic.  I worked as a Software Engineering Consultant, for a large Aerospace company in the NW, with a young man who had an Electrical (or Electronic) Engineering degree.  I helped him a few times with things he was weak in, but I am  certain that he graduated from university under his own power, with nobody else doing his work for him or helping him.  Also, I knew a man who was an "Editor" (everyone who writes for magazines now is called an Editor?) for a major Computer magazine. He wrote a monthly column and occasional articles, in that magazine and I believe he also wrote for another computer magazine. Both of them have Dyslexia.  

[shinyhappypeople]

He's still the same awesome kid he was before the diagnosis.  Now you have more information about how his brain works.  Yes, you can still homeschool.  And having this information about will make it much, much easier for you.  Otherwise, you're just left shooting arrows in the dark, if that makes sense.

 

My street cred: My older DD has very slow processing speed, low working memory, LDs in written expression (this affects composition, spelling, handwriting...)  and math, and a visual impairment (convergence insufficiency) that makes reading tough for her.   She's also a great dancer, has an awesome sense of humor, is a talented artist, and has a very open, compassionate heart.  But, yeah, the academic stuff is tough for her.

 

I encourage you to watch this video:

 They also wrote a book that I found extremely helpful (Bright Kids Who Can't Keep Up)

 

Copying and pasting from another thread on the LC board, because I'm in a hurry: 

 

_______

 

"OP: In the adult world, slow processing speed isn't that big of a deal.   As long as my daughter chooses a profession that doesn't require super-quick thinking on her feet, she'll be fine.  Perhaps the best thing you can do for your son now is to make sure that accommodations are in place (e.g. extra time on tests) so he can truly show what he knows in school, and take his slower processing speed into account for college and career planning. So ER doc?  Probably not.  Medical researcher?  Yes. 

 

Creative fields appeal to my DD (cosmetology, special effects make up, mural art) and her processing speed doesn't get in the way of her work at all.  In fact, "slow, thoughtful, and careful" are actually benefits not deficits in these jobs.  

 

Another thing I've found helpful:  reframing  how I think of slow processing speed.  It's not necessary to label this cognitive style (and that's all it is, a cognitive style, a way of thinking) in terms of good or bad.  It just is what it is.  My daughter has brown eyes, is good at dancing, has a sophisticated sense of humor and works (and thinks)  in a slow, thoughtful, careful manner.  There are some things she can't do (or simply don't appeal) because of her processing speed, but we all have limitations.  Welcome to Planet Reality.

 

Anyway, the above is what has helped me come to terms with DD's glacially slow processing speed.   It could be so much worse.  She could be a humorless jerk.  Now, that would be hard to deal with."

________

 

OP, it will be okay.  Getting the diagnosis can feel a bit like getting run over by a semi.  Give yourself time to grieve and regroup.  I swear I cried the entire weekend after I got the laundry list of DD's learning differences and cognitive glitches.  Like, seriously, *bawled* in the office, cried in the car on the drive home, pulled myself together enough to go in the house, pulled DH into the bedroom and cried some more in there.  And then it got better.  It started hurting less.  I got used to the idea of it.  I started seeing the gift of having this information.  And now... it just is what it is. So... yes, it hurts right ow, but it will get better.  You'll adapt.

 

And please do come over to the LC challenges board.  There are some posters over there that are absolute founts of wisdom.