please tell me this gets easier

[caedmyn]

Day 1 of Barton and I'm already frustrated...  15 minutes into lesson 1 he started saying he hated it.  He NEVER said he hated Abecedarian.  20 minutes in he started complaining that the finger spelling hurt his hand and refused to do it.  He also started balking at doing the balloons/pigs hand motions (he doesn't have any trouble confusing b & p so he doesn't see the point).  Trying to get him to do every single step of things he already knows how to do just fine (touch-and-say, say it slow, say it fast, finger spelling, finger spelling one sound at a time, checking the word, etc) is going to be really difficult.  We had some issues with that with ABCD too but there were a lot fewer steps.  Trying to get a highly impulsive kid to go through all these steps and having to go back with every word and do the parts he's already skipped because he moves too fast...  Is there some way to make this more workable?  I don't want to dread doing this every day and have it be a continual battle to get him to do it.

[PeterPan]

nt

Edited November 16, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[caedmyn]

I didn't say anything about the writing being difficult.  We hadn't gotten into the writing when he started saying he hated it.  Anyway, I see no indications at all of dysgraphia in him.  He has very nice handwriting and no particular difficulty writing things on his own or doing copywork.  it is the 6 million steps for everything that is frustrating me as it is very difficult to get him to slow down enough to do each step, and the hand motions are what he is balking at, besides the program itself.  He is 7.

[Jenn in CA]

It will get easier! Yes, the steps are a lot at the beginning. It will pay off.

 

If he doesn't have any trouble with b/d, skip it. The "p" seems silly if he doesn't have trouble w/p, but it will make the rest of the mnemonic make sense.

 

We did just 15 minutes a day. Now we're up to 20 in our 3rd year of Barton. That helps. Slow and steady....

 

I never worry about "I hate this"... yes, things that are hard, we usually hate.  hang in there.

Edited November 15, 2016 by Jenn in CA

[OneStepAtATime]

I sympathize.  I really do.  DD HATED all the hand gestures and nitty gritty stuff.  HATED IT!!!!!!!  And she was starting 6th grade.  It is not easy to motivate a Middle Schooler who genuinely believes that nothing will help, I am torturing her pointlessly, the whole program is stupid, and life is absolutely awful.  But eventually it really did get better.  It really did.  And we both love what Barton did where nothing else worked.

 

I had a lot of doubts about this program and I thought the hand gestures and stuff were silly.  I was so disappointed in Level 1.  It looked like a joke to me and I honestly almost sent it back.  DD being ultra resistant did not help.  However, I had to do SOMETHING.  Once I committed to really doing Barton I made it clear to her that we were following the TM whether she liked it or not.  I didn't make it a power thing or yell at her, I was calm, firm, positive and determined (on the outside...inside I was depressed, demoralized and afraid it wouldn't help at all).  

 

What did I do to turn things around?

1.  I kept the lessons very short.  

2.  I used the suggestions at the back of the TM to help with motivation.

3.  And I tried really hard not to let her see that I doubted if the program would work (and yes, I did, because we had tried so many things without success).  

4.  But I WAS sympathetic to her frustrations and feeling the stuff was stupid and babyish.  I let her know I understood but I made it clear that there were reasons for what was being asked and those reasons would make sense as we progressed.

5.  I also made sure that DD had already had some physical exercise, was not hungry, was not overly tired, and we were doing it as one of the first things academically each day also helped my particular child and me.  If I put it off then by the time we got to Barton we were both burned out and cranky and didn't have the motivation.

6. I made sure that we were in a quiet place with few distractions and that space was dedicated specifically for Barton.  Everything was already set up each day so I didn't have to waste time looking for things and getting everything laid out.

7. I also had to accept that it would take time to get into a rhythm with this program.  I had to get used to the things required of me and my child.  And DD also had to have time to adapt and get used to the rhythm and expectations, too.  

 

The first was the biggest, though, I think.  Keeping the lessons to no more than 20 minutes for those early lessons really helped.  My child was older, though.  I suggest with a 7 year old that is fighting this you might commit to just 10 minutes a session for now.  Eventually, you may be able to stretch that out.  With DD eventually lessons could be stretched out, sometimes to 30-45 minutes or longer, depending on the lesson.  

 

I will say this, once we finally got used to the hand gestures, etc., BOY did it make later lessons in higher levels MUCH easier.  Why?  Because it cut through tons of unnecessary verbal instruction I would have had to incorporate otherwise.  Doing mainly hand gestures made it easier for DD to actually focus on what she needed to do, too, instead of getting distracted by my yammering on.  It has taken DD a long time to get through Barton.  She has a lot of other learning challenges that have made this a longer road than I ever planned.  But it really has worked beautifully and I absolutely love the program overall.  Is it perfect?  I don't think there is such a thing with kids that have learning challenges.  Nothing is going to be perfect.  Still, I haven't found anything else I felt was as well put together for a layman to use to teach a dyslexic.  

 

And you know what?  DD sometimes ASKS to do Barton.  Sometimes she genuinely looks forward to the lessons.  Why?  Because she realized it really is helping.  She really is doing far better with reading/spelling/writing than she ever had before.  There are days we enjoy the lessons.  There are days when Barton is a relief, almost like an old, familiar friend we can fall back on when everything else is going to heck in a hand basket.  And there are days when we really don't want to do the lesson but we both do it anyway, and without complaint, because we both know it is working.  

 

Maybe it will never seem like a relief to you or your child but it should get better.  Keep lessons super short for now, try to find ways to motivate your child (bribes?  suggestions from the back of the TM?), and give yourselves time to get used to the system.

 

Huge hugs.  Hang in there.  

Edited November 15, 2016 by OneStepAtATime

[caedmyn]

He has a lot of trouble with b/d confusion, unfortunately.

 

Today went better...I broke it into two 10-minute sessions and I did the hand motions for b/p and finger spelling.  And I gave him a chocolate chip for every 2 words he did correctly (with the correct procedure).  I still felt stressed by the end though, and we didn't even get to the more difficult parts of the lesson.  I really hate fiddly, and this is about as fiddly as it's possible to be.  I wish there was something, anything else with a really good reputation for effectiveness!  I guess we'll finish out this level and re-evaluate.

[City Mouse]

Did you go through the entire parent training video? I think it is at the end where she address working with students who are less cooperative. If I remember correctly, one of her suggestions is that the tutor do the had motions if the kid refuses. I had to do that sometimes for my DS. My DS has fine motor issues, so all the hand motions did make his hands hurt sometimes.

 

Also, my DS "hated" Barton at first too because it was hard. Not just physically challenging, but mentally challenging. It is always a struggle to get him to work on a new lesson, but it did help once he had completed some lessons and I could show him what he could do now that he could not do when he started. I will admit that my DS does not voluntarily do any school work. He only does the work because it is required. You child is a bit younger though and he may be testing you too see if you are serious about this and will let him stop if he fusses enough. He probably know you don't like the program either. You may have to work harder to disguise you opinion of the program.

 

Once he is in a few lessons, you might want to buy some of the Spelling Sucess games that go with the level he is working on. It is a slightly more fun way to practice the skills. Also, my DS prefers the iPad app over the actual tiles.

[Heathermomster]

Yes, it is difficult.  I don't think it gets easier so much as you the tutor get better.

[OneStepAtATime]

He has a lot of trouble with b/d confusion, unfortunately.

 

Today went better...I broke it into two 10-minute sessions and I did the hand motions for b/p and finger spelling.  And I gave him a chocolate chip for every 2 words he did correctly (with the correct procedure).  I still felt stressed by the end though, and we didn't even get to the more difficult parts of the lesson.  I really hate fiddly, and this is about as fiddly as it's possible to be.  I wish there was something, anything else with a really good reputation for effectiveness!  I guess we'll finish out this level and re-evaluate.

Here is the basic fact I had to accept with my children:  Learning to read/spell is hard for them.  It just is.  All the "fiddly" stuff in Barton is what actually helped my kids' brains connect with the skills they needed to successfully read/spell.  That was one of the critical missing components when they were in school.  Even though it is HARD for their brain, the different ways to approach and connect with the material were what finally made things click.  The "fiddly" things are there for a reason.  They have purpose.

 

And yeah, my kids fought it, too, and so did I.  But once we had done it for a while and accepted that this had to be done, it WORKED.  They can read.  They can spell.  And the more they moved through the program the more clicks occurred.  My only regret now is that we waited so long to start the program.  Does it work for everyone?  No.  There have been others who tried using Barton and it didn't help.  Therefore I cannot guarantee it will work for yours.  But it sure as heck worked for mine.  That is all I can share, what has worked for my kids.  

 

My daughter has said in the past that Barton is challenging because it is making her brain do the work it doesn't want to.  Why doesn't it want to do that work?  Because her brain is inefficient at learning to read and spell.  Her brain has to learn to do things in a different way that will help her brain become more efficient at reading/spelling but that takes a LOT of brain effort.  Working that hard can be a drag.  But  when she saw that all that work was actually helping her brain she accepted that it is worth it and is 100% on board now.

 

The bottom line is that if a child really is dyslexic there is probably not going to be ANY program that will be easy to implement, that a dyslexic child will not find challenging.  Wishing for that perfect program that doesn't take much effort to implement, that a dyslexic child will just move through willingly and with easy success right from the start is not realistic.  A dyslexic brain works differently.  It is almost certainly going to need more targeted, specialized help to learn to read and spell successfully.   That's just a fact of life.

 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

 

Hang in there.  Shortening the lesson helped, so that is great.  Also, as mentioned up thread, your child is probably testing you to see if you will stay committed to using it.  He probably really can sense that you are not feeling the love.  Once he (and you) accept the program and he realizes you are not just going to dump it because he is complaining, it should smooth out.  

[caedmyn]

I know it will be hard regardless.  I just look at our experience with Abecedarian, where it was challenging but not I-want-to-rip-my-hair-out-and-scream frustrating.  And he made good progress with it, so it's not like it wasn't effective.  I just have a hard time feeling like all the extra steps in Barton are really necessary (for him at least).  Like the finger spelling...ABCD had him say each sound of a word when he wrote it and then go back and say each sound again as he underlined the letter(s) that made the sound.  Finger spelling is a lot of extra steps for what seems like the same purpose.  And the harder things are or the more he dislikes them the more he fiddles or gets distracted, and the harder it is to get him to focus.  I don't see that changing--it didn't change all the way through 100 EZ Lessons which was what I originally used to teach him to read, and that was torturous.  We'll see I guess.