Feeling stuck, vent

[Moxie]

If you have no desire to hear me whine about life, this is probably not the thread for you.  You've been warned.

 

Dang, you really can't have it all.  Sucks.

 

Next year, all my kids will be out of the house all day.  So, what do I do all day??  Clean and laundry??  No thanks.  But, DH thinks that sounds like a great idea.  After all, someone has to do all the freaking laundry, right? (He actually said that "Someone has to do the laundry")

 

I can't get a real job because I still have little kids who have summer and days off and we have no family around.  If I could jump into a career that made actual money, it might be worth it but I haven't worked in 16 years sooooo, yeah, no career is going to happen without me getting another degree (and I hate being a student so that probably won't happen. Plus, cost,).

 

DH makes above average $$ but we still have our student loans and we have kids starting college in 2.5 years. And cars and braces.  He simply doesn't make enough to cover it all and how could he without being a insurance company CEO?? 

 

So, I need something part-time, flexible, rewarding (so, not a cashier).  That doesn't exist.  So I do volunteer work.  I enjoy that but I get bitter sometimes when I do all this crap for kids while their mothers are out making money. 

 

I've suggested starting some kind of business. Nope, dh is not interested.

 

So, I'm just stuck here, volunteering and unpaid maid work.  IT SUCKS!! 

[Carol in Cal.]

If I were you I'd start my own business, and I wouldn't ask for permission.

I'd start gathering the definitive library of 'your own business' type books, and doing my homework right now.

[J-rap]

I'd feel the same way as you.  Spending my day doing housework and laundry would drive me crazy!  Personally, that's when I'd really dig into my dream of a writing career.  

 

But, there are also a lot of part-time jobs you can get online.  You can train to be a personal assistant online, for example, and then the job itself would be online as well.

Edited November 15, 2016 by J-rap

[TechWife]

I volunteer, but not for kid related things. Is there some other type of volunteer work you could do? Is there a cause or interest that you have a  passion for? Hospitals and other non-profits usually need volunteers and they can be hard to come by during the weekdays. 

[Heatherwith4]

I feel similar to you, except I'm homeschooling still. I really want to contribute to our income, but it's very difficult.

[regentrude]

I understand that you feel stuck, but maybe there are solutions to your problem.

 

I can't get a real job because I still have little kids who have summer and days off and we have no family around. 

 

 

So, I need something part-time, flexible, rewarding (so, not a cashier).  That doesn't exist. 

Most working mothers have the same problem: kids who have summers off and days off school,and no family to help. There are solutions: babysitters, camps, older siblings.

And almost all women whom I know IRL (even those who homeschool) work at least part time. Think about what you would like to do and what your skills are. These jobs DO exist.

 

ETA: To give some specific examples, here are things my friends who are homeschooling mothers do part time:

pet sitting, work in a craft store, teach birth classes, teach crafts classes, make pottery, do web design and graphic design, teach online, tutor, work as a doula, translate, teach adult education classes, work in a small business doing a variety of tasks, (ETA because I forgot one friend: cleaning houses)

Edited November 15, 2016 by regentrude

[maize]

Tutoring can pay well.

 

So can house cleaning or organizing.

 

Both things you could take up without going back to school.

 

I guess it really depends on what you would like to do.

[wintermom]

I know what you mean. And as far as part-time jobs go, in Canada that can be a problem tax-wise, as it could push the family up into a higher tax bracket. I just got a bigger contract this fall and dh's first comment wasn't, "Oh, thanks so much for your contribution to the finances of the family." It was, "Let me check to make sure this doesn't mess up our taxes." Arrrg. 

[vonfirmath]

I understand that you feel stuck, but maybe there are solutions to your problem.

 

Most working mothers have the same problem: kids who have summers off and days off school,and no family to help. There are solutions: babysitters, camps, older siblings.

And almost all women whom I know IRL (even those who homeschool) work at least part time. Think about what you would like to do and what your skills are. These jobs DO exist.

 

ETA: To give some specific examples, here are things my friends who are homeschooling mothers do part time:

pet sitting, work in a craft store, teach birth classes, teach crafts classes, make pottery, do web design and graphic design, teach online, tutor, work as a doula, translate, teach adult education classes, work in a small business doing a variety of tasks

 

My friend who homeschooled and work got a job at Safeway where she could work her hours such that she and her husband traded off. Her kids are all grown up (The youngest just turned 21) and she is still working for them. It has turned into a great career and she loves it.

 

[PrincessMommy]

I agree about doing housework/laundry.  I'm not a maid with benefits.  Besides, the kids (and dh) still need to hone their cleaning skills :glare:

 

why volunteer with kids?   I've volunteered with hospice and I loved it (not exactly rewarding for everyone though).  There's got to be plenty of volunteer possibilities with adults.  Most volunteer organizations will understand if you cannot help when your kids are out of school. 

 

What about a hobby? 

 

What about taking a few classes here and there? 

 

have fun figuring it all out.  IIRC we used to tell new homeschoolers that it takes about 6-12 months to unlearn B&M schools and get into a homeschooling groove.  Give yourself some time on this side of homeschooling to do the same.  :grouphug:

[Carol in Cal.]

So, here's where I would start.

 

I'd sit down on a quiet day with a bunch of paper or a journal.  Probably paper in case I ended up doing some drawing.  I'd have my favorite pens and maybe some oil pastels (because I love them.  they are really not essential.  You might like gel pens more, and actually they would work better for this.)

 

I would consciously try to remember each year of my life.  On one piece of paper I would put key words or phrases for each one to remind myself of what was going on then, what was notable, what I learned or did or experienced.  On another I'd put what I enjoyed.  I'd be filling these out at the same time, going back and forth between them.

 

What I enjoyed would include things I liked to do, to learn, learning itself (if I enjoyed it), feeling accomplished at a result, feeling accomplished at a process, pleasant surprises, notable exceptional pleasures, things I enjoyed seeing or hearing, all kinds of things.

 

I'd wait a couple of days for more ideas.

 

Memories flock in at varying rates of speed.

 

Then I would take my colors and mark patterns.  For instance, I personally always seem to like things that have to do with fiber.  Pot holder looms, bead looms, learning to twine, learning to knit, learning to weave on a floor loom--those are big to me.  So if I had those (and I would) spread over a bunch of years, I'd start underlining them in one color, maybe purple.  Same with singing, for me, or music in general.  Or reading.

 

Then you can say, OK, this is what feeds me.  I can do more of it and be happier.  And/or I can use this to guide me in starting a business that would be a pleasure.  

[fairfarmhand]

In your position, I'd start putting out feelers for personal assistant type work.

 

Church needs some simple office work..phone calls, bulletins printed, papers filed? Probably not enough for full time, but 2-3 hours a week, they might use you.

 

My dd does that kind of things for a real estate agent. She keeps the office neat, picks up and drops off signs, addresses marketing literature, keeps her Facebook page updated...

 

Also, you might find work running errands. Working mom needs dry cleaning and prescriptions picked up? Do it for her for a low fee. Elderly need a ride to the doctor or pharmacy? You can do that easily.

 

These are things that are pretty flexible and you can still work around kid schedules in the summer if needed. I wouldn't set mysefl up though to be committed to more than 10-15 hours all year because summer time will be stressfull with juggling kids and responsibility.

[City Mouse]

If the kids are going to be in school, why not look for a job in the same school or at least the same district. That way you would have the similar days off as the kids. Being a teacher's aid or a cafeteria worker doesn't pay much, but it is something and it gets you back in the workforce if that is what you want.

[NorthwestMom]

If the kids are going to be in school, why not look for a job in the same school or at least the same district. That way you would have the similar days off as the kids. Being a teacher's aid or a cafeteria worker doesn't pay much, but it is something and it gets you back in the workforce if that is what you want.

 

Excellent idea!

[SparklyUnicorn]

I understand that you feel stuck, but maybe there are solutions to your problem.

 

Most working mothers have the same problem: kids who have summers off and days off school,and no family to help. There are solutions: babysitters, camps, older siblings.

And almost all women whom I know IRL (even those who homeschool) work at least part time. Think about what you would like to do and what your skills are. These jobs DO exist.

 

ETA: To give some specific examples, here are things my friends who are homeschooling mothers do part time:

pet sitting, work in a craft store, teach birth classes, teach crafts classes, make pottery, do web design and graphic design, teach online, tutor, work as a doula, translate, teach adult education classes, work in a small business doing a variety of tasks, (ETA because I forgot one friend: cleaning houses)

 

Then again nobody wants to pay so much in childcare costs that they end up not making money.

The only good argument for doing it anyway is that while you might not be making money during that time you are building a resume, adding to experience, etc. and your kids won't need daycare forever.  But you will also be haggard when you are working for no money and doing all the housework too.  Which is a little more pleasant if you don't mind the job, but totally bites if you don't.

 

I've been in this situation and I could not fathom how to make it work that didn't make me crazy.  I couldn't do any of those fancy things like teach anything, craft anything.  I just don't have those kinds of skills or credentials.  Pet sitting?  I have never even so much as had a family member with a dog let alone start sitting them.  I have some other limitations as well that are hard to work around (like I can't drive just anywhere in the dark because of vision problems).

 

I do like the idea of starting some sort of business.  I don't see why anyone needs a spouses permission to pursue that. 

 

Not saying the OPs problems are just like mine, but this isn't always doable at all really. 

[mathnerd]

My friend teaches classes at the local University Extension - she teaches classes for Workforce Training, re-entry into the job market etc. These classes are aimed at working adults, so they are held in a school or college campus in the evenings and nights. It is a good solution for her child care problems - her husband is home in the evenings to take over child duties from her.

[SparklyUnicorn]

My friend teaches classes at the local University Extension - she teaches classes for Workforce Training, re-entry into the job market etc. These classes are aimed at working adults, so they are held in a school or college campus in the evenings and nights. It is a good solution for her child care problems - her husband is home in the evenings to take over child duties from her.

 

And I assume one needs at least a master's degree.

[Guest]

And I assume one needs at least a master's degree.

As I've thought of jobs I would like, I've looked into them. Speech therapist? Masters. Librarian? Masters. No thanks.

[EmilyGF]

A number of my moms friends substutute teach. The money is not great, but the flexibility is.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[TABmom]

Sometimes I see people who are out during the day helping people with disabilities with shopping or just at the movies or whatever. I've always thought that would be a fulfilling job- you're directly influencing someone's quality of life. I have no idea how to go about getting a job like that, but I imagine the hours are flexible.

[Seasider]

I volunteer, but not for kid related things. Is there some other type of volunteer work you could do? Is there a cause or interest that you have a passion for? Hospitals and other non-profits usually need volunteers and they can be hard to come by during the weekdays.

And this kind of volunteer work often opens doors to for-pay positions.

[Seasider]

I will not mind doing a bit of laundry (when all the kids do their own, and help with chores) when I can use spare time to pull a George Bush and pursue some serious art projects. Granted that won't likely earn me any money but I am looking forward to that kind of freedom. Moms should get early retirement for all the all-nighters we've had to pull (at least in my house - dh cannot be on night-kid-duty and function the next day, he really needs more sleep than I do).

 

As for working when kids are still in the house, I've had to do evening & weekend jobs, which I detest.

[regentrude]

Then again nobody wants to pay so much in childcare costs that they end up not making money.

 

Sure - but the OP said her children would all be in school during the day. So child care would only be an issue on the occasional day off and in the summer (if she cannot find a way to work only during the school year). That is the standard situation for pretty much every working mother.

 

Edited November 15, 2016 by regentrude

[SparklyUnicorn]

Sure - but the OP said her children would all be in school during the day. So child care would only be an issue on the occasional day off and in the summer (if she cannot find a way to work only during the school year). That is the standard situation for pretty much every working mother.

 

Yeah day care in summer here runs in the neighborhood of $250+ dollar per kid with many of them not offering any sort of part time.  Could possibly find someone to come to your home, but that's not necessarily low cost.

 

The most flexible jobs I've had were places like stores and restaurants (especially fast food).  They often are willing to let you take 2 months off or work at very specific times.  Otherwise, I don't know that most places can be that flexible in general.

 

She could possibly do in home day care.  I had no desire to do that though and pretty much always lived in a home that probably wouldn't have passed inspection without a lot of expensive modifications. 

[mathnerd]

And I assume one needs at least a master's degree.

Not really. My friend has a BA and had more than 10 years of work experience before becoming a SAHM. she is teaching Technical Writing at the University Extension thrice a week (her classes start at 7:00 pm).

[Carol in Cal.]

Bravewriter is looking for writing instructors right now.  I've gotten several emails from them about this.

 

Also, nonprofits that cater to children often have extremely flexible hours for office, support, and community engagement workers.  For instance, a choral group that offers classes to school aged children during the school year would love to have someone organized and personable to represent them during the school year, but still to have summers off.  Often a lot of that kind of work (computer work and answering the phone) can be done from home.

[LMD]

I get your vent and understand your frustration... but,

A sizeable proportion of people never get to do a job that fulfills them.

I think that looking for one thing to tick all of those boxes is unrealistic.

So, I would prioritise. What is most important to you right now? A fulfilling career? Making decent money asap? Getting your foot in the door/build resume? Flexible schedule? Each of those things would lead me to search in slightly different directions.

And then I would try to meet the other needs separately.

Of course, you may eventually get lucky and find something that ticks all the boxes but I think it would be frustrating to hold out hope for it.

Good luck, this stuff can be so demoralising!

[SparklyUnicorn]

Not really. My friend has a BA and had more than 10 years of work experience before becoming a SAHM. she is teaching Technical Writing at the University Extension thrice a week (her classes start at 7:00 pm).

 

The CCs here say Master's for anything.  They will take BA/BS for part time tutoring, but I don't know if that pays much of anything.

 

Plus you are basically saying she has tons of prior experience and a degree. That's always going to make it easier to find a job.  Don't know the OP's situation exactly. 

[Soror]

If your oldest is that close to college age I would think they would be certainly old enough to help with babysitting the other ones when you absolutely couldn't find a babysitter. 

[Guest]

A number of my moms friends substutute teach. The money is not great, but the flexibility is.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

That depends on the area, in our area only a bachelors in something is needed to sub and you can even get dispensation outside that with experience. Some districts require a masters or even an MAT specifically. It's super variable but all the subs I know really enjoy it - they have their normal schools and ages and just kind of rotate among them :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

Maybe you can do se*y videos from your bedroom.

 

:lol:

 

I know, I'm terrible.  But gee that seems like easy money.  Not sure anyone wants to see anything I have though.

 

 

[MFG]

Maybe you can do se*y videos from your bedroom.

 

:lol:

 

I know, I'm terrible. But gee that seems like easy money. Not sure anyone wants to see anything I have though.

Like on Heroes!

[Soror]

A number of my moms friends substutute teach. The money is not great, but the flexibility is.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

i've considered this myself. I'm exploring post kid stuff now and believe that working with kids will be part of that plan and anything making lots of money will probably not, as i have no interests that make money! 

[Starr]

And start a regular laundry chart and have everyone do their own laundry!!!

[SparklyUnicorn]

Maybe in a different direction than you were thinking, but what if you signed up for a class at a CC or something?  Something to do and maybe you could think about going to school for something that you really want to do.  I know, I know, the money.  I hate spending the money on it, but when I'm working towards something or working on something that isn't brainless crap like laundry it makes me feel better.  And that's cheaper than therapy really. 

[fraidycat]

If you have no desire to hear me whine about life, this is probably not the thread for you. You've been warned.

 

Dang, you really can't have it all. Sucks.

 

Next year, all my kids will be out of the house all day. So, what do I do all day?? Clean and laundry?? No thanks. But, DH thinks that sounds like a great idea. After all, someone has to do all the freaking laundry, right? (He actually said that "Someone has to do the laundry")

 

I can't get a real job because I still have little kids who have summer and days off and we have no family around. If I could jump into a career that made actual money, it might be worth it but I haven't worked in 16 years sooooo, yeah, no career is going to happen without me getting another degree (and I hate being a student so that probably won't happen. Plus, cost,).

 

DH makes above average $$ but we still have our student loans and we have kids starting college in 2.5 years. And cars and braces. He simply doesn't make enough to cover it all and how could he without being a insurance company CEO??

 

So, I need something part-time, flexible, rewarding (so, not a cashier). That doesn't exist. So I do volunteer work. I enjoy that but I get bitter sometimes when I do all this crap for kids while their mothers are out making money.

 

I've suggested starting some kind of business. Nope, dh is not interested.

 

So, I'm just stuck here, volunteering and unpaid maid work. IT SUCKS!!

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

This is exactly what I'm doing. I didn't ask DH, I told him it is what I'm doing with MY life. Luckily**, he's supportive of my efforts and interest.

 

**For me. For him. And our marriage. Because it honestly would probably not last if he told me "somebody needs to do the laundry" and he wasn't "interested" in me being a person with my own purpose besides housewife/mother.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I hope you can figure something out.

[Seasider]

And start a regular laundry chart and have everyone do their own laundry!!!

Oh gosh yes even if you do nothing else. You need to rise above laundry maven to Laundry Process Manager.