Jump to content

Menu

If your middle schooler left campus to protest WWYD


Plateau Mama
 Share

Recommended Posts

Well and actually if my kid said to me up front that day I want to ditch school to go to a protest, I'd say fine.  I'd vouch for him (so long as I had no reason to believe it would affect his school work negatively).  I just want to know where he is.  But walking out of school without permission?  NO....I would not be cool with that.

 

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  But I would ABSOLUTELY support him if he chose to protest, even if he didn't notify me.

 

There is a difference between supporting the child's right to protest and sanctioning his/her choice to cut class in order to do so. It's not like the ONLY chance that the child has to protest is on a school day. Last weekend there were lots of protests and presumably there will be more this coming weekend.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think I would say no if my kid asked me, because it's not necessarily safe.

 

Maybe if it was an organized activity where the plans included limiting the age range and the # of kids per acre and including reliable security ....  But not for some "spontaneous" gathering of the masses.

 

I'm assuming I'm not there with my kid, able to say "let's go home" if I sense things getting out of hand.

 

Edited by SKL
Link to comment
Share on other sites

There is a difference between supporting the child's right to protest and sanctioning his/her choice to cut class in order to do so. It's not like the ONLY chance that the child has to protest is on a school day. Last weekend there were lots of protests and presumably there will be more this coming weekend.

 

Exactly. 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And if it was permitted by the school, I'd want to know how they are handling the kids who opt out.

If memory serves, in similar situations when I was a kid classrooms would be mostly empty and no actual teaching would continue. How could it? And honestly, why? What's a teacher going to say to a handful of kids that is more important than what's going on outside of it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If memory serves, in similar situations when I was a kid classrooms would be mostly empty and no actual teaching would continue. How could it? And honestly, why? What's a teacher going to say to a handful of kids that is more important than what's going on outside of it?

 

I agree teaching would not continue.  What I mean is, are they making sure kids who want to opt out are able to do so safely and without repercussions from the teachers or the other kids.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, that is not what I said at all, TM, and I think you know that. I said that DS isn't that age and doesn't attend school. If he did he would have a phone and I hope he would apprise me of his whereabouts. But I would ABSOLUTELY support him if he chose to protest, even if he didn't notify me.

 

So you don't even have a kid old enough to protest.  It's all hypothetical to you.

 

Those of us who do know it is dangerous and middle school kids are not necessarily prepared to deal with potential danger.  These protests have been turning into riots here and there.  This is not something I want my 11-13 year old unilaterally deciding to attend.   That's the issue. 

 

If you think it is fine for your 11-13 year old kid to walk out of school even if he doesn't notify you, I can't help you. 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So you don't even have a kid old enough to protest.  It's all hypothetical to you.

 

Those of us who do know it is dangerous and middle school kids are not necessarily prepared to deal with potential danger.  These protests have been turning into riots here and there.  This is not something I want my 11-13 year old unilaterally deciding to attend.   That's the issue. 

 

If you think it is fine for your 11-13 year old kid to walk out of school even if he doesn't notify you, I can't help you. 

 

 

Yeah this very much is what scares me the most.  Like I said before, my 11 year old still asks me to cut his waffle.  LOL

  • Like 6
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My 9yo is in 5th grade and she might feel pressured to go along with her classmates even if she wasn't really feeling it.  And then what is she supposed to do if she's in the middle of a crowd and people start acting crazy?  No she does not have a phone.  What if she gets separated from her group?  No thanks.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

There is a difference between supporting the child's right to protest and sanctioning his/her choice to cut class in order to do so. It's not like the ONLY chance that the child has to protest is on a school day. Last weekend there were lots of protests and presumably there will be more this coming weekend.

I would support his choice. If he chose to leave school to protest, I would still absolutely support his choice. He would have to deal with whatever sanctions the school meted out and he would know that, but again, no question, I would support his choice. He is welcome to protest when he wants. I respect my child and his choices.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So you don't even have a kid old enough to protest. It's all hypothetical to you.

 

Those of us who do know it is dangerous and middle school kids are not necessarily prepared to deal with potential danger. These protests have been turning into riots here and there. This is not something I want my 11-13 year old unilaterally deciding to attend. That's the issue.

 

If you think it is fine for your 11-13 year old kid to walk out of school even if he doesn't notify you, I can't help you.

 

Happily, TM, neither I nor my child require your help. :)

  • Like 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sincere question for those who are a-ok with their kids leaving school to participate in a protest/march. Would you still be ok with it if they were marching for or against something for which you held the opposite opinion? Hope that makes sense!

 

Yes because I'd feel like I raised him to stand up for his beliefs, even if I disagreed with those beliefs.

  • Like 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sincere question for those who are a-ok with their kids leaving school to participate in a protest/march. Would you still be ok with it if they were marching for or against something for which you held the opposite opinion? Hope that makes sense!

Of course. Why would it matter?

 

My child is not expected to be a carbon copy of me.

  • Like 10
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sincere question for those who are a-ok with their kids leaving school to participate in a protest/march. Would you still be ok with it if they were marching for or against something for which you held the opposite opinion? Hope that makes sense!

 

Probably not.

 

I am ok with my kids having different views, but I admit there are limits to how open minded I am.  If they were supporting something I thought was pretty terrible, I would be upset.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Of course. Why would it matter?

 

My child is not expected to be a carbon copy of me.

 

I don't know.  I think you need to think of something really crappy that you don't believe in at all and imagine your kid protesting in support of it.  And they ditched school to do it. 

 

I have to be dead dog honest, that would probably kill me.

 

I can't really imagine it, but if I suspend disbelief that it could be something THAT out there...yes I would be EXTRA upset.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am genuinely surprised by this statement.

 

You would really be ok with your 11 or 12 yr old being in a place where he is surrounded by adults you don't know, where emotions are running very high, where the potential for someone to succumb to mob mentality, AND, you having NO idea that he/she is there? That's really ok for you?

No one is saying they wouldn't want to know where their kid is.

 

I just asked mine what he would do. I'm glad to report he said he'd probably go, and borrow a phone to call me if he didn't have one. He was pleased when I said I'd probably join. :)

 

Also, I've been to tons of protests and not a single one turned violent. Sure it can happen, but it's far from a given.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am genuinely surprised by this statement.

 

You would really be ok with your 11 or 12 yr old being in a place where he is surrounded by adults you don't know, where emotions are running very high, where the potential for someone to succumb to mob mentality, AND, you having NO idea that he/she is there? That's really ok for you?

I didn't see much adult involvement in the local walkouts and most of the kids that converged all on a central location in our city go to school right around that central location.

 

A student walk out is not generally tantamount to a riot. If my kid is old enough to catch the bus through downtown (and for me, my 13 year old is), he's old enough to walk away and call for help if he feels he needs it. He's old enough to slip into a coffee shop and wait for a ride if something is making the situation uncomfortable for him. He's certainly old enough to walk around his school (which is what most kids here were doing).

Edited by LucyStoner
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Probably not.

 

I am ok with my kids having different views, but I admit there are limits to how open minded I am.  If they were supporting something I thought was pretty terrible, I would be upset.

 

Yeah. Reality is I'd ground my kid from here to eternity if they wanted to join a racist protest or go in support of some racist misogynists. 

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well if they aren't leaving their school grounds, that's a whole other question.  Then we're talking about still being under the school's supervision.  No problem.

 

What I saw in video was many many kids walking significantly away from their school campuses, in the road, cars having to maneuver around them, converging with other kids and adults they didn't know.  That's a lot different from walking around the school building.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ok - I haven't read each and every response.  I will say I wouldn't expect middle school doors to be secure and manned.  I wouldn't necessarily expect kids walking out the doors setting off alarm bells.  I can see how that would happen.  I'd be madder at my kid at that age for wandering off unless they were a kid with an IEP/neuro-atypical. 

 

I think the media tends to cover problems that happen at protests.  Families/Kids regularly attend protests in my city.  I'm on mailing lists and boards that set them up.  Organizers are NEVER ok with violence or destruction of property.   When something happens, it's typically an opportunist jumping in and breaking windows, etc.  I can safely say violence is pretty rare at these these events. 

 

I think the 11-14 age range is hard.   Some kids are very focused and mature and might have legitimate concerns about greater society's political/social/economic issues.  Some kids might trail along and say "no school - yay".  It really depends on my own kid, the type of protest, and the circumstances as to what I might do.  My kids have phones, so I'd expect to hear from my kid. 

 

ETA - on the issue of my kid attending a KKK rally.  Yes - that would be a big problem for me. 

Edited by WoolySocks
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Really? It wouldn't matter to you if your kid went to a KKK rally? Because your kid is not expected to be a carbon copy of you?

In that case though is the issue that a child went to a rally or that somewhere along the way a child was vulnerable enough to be interested in such bullshit?

 

My son doesn't share all of my political opinions. He can go rally with the Young Conservatives if he likes. I'd even drive him to such an event.

 

At his age though, if he was becoming attracted to terrorist groups (which the KKK very much is), I would be trying to get him some serious help. Leaving school for a rally would be the least of my darn worries.

Edited by LucyStoner
  • Like 13
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'd be hitting the roof. I don't even care if it's a "cause" I support or not, I'd be livid.

Me too. As far as I can tell, it's nothing more than an excuse to get out of going to class.

 

If they can walk out of class and go, they could just as easily walk out of whatever free time event they have at other times of the day or evening.

 

If they were walking out of school, I'd expect it to be directly related to protesting something specific about the school. And for me to know beforehand.

 

Eta: I'd expect the school to inform me, but otherwise I wouldn't blame the school unless I thought they were encouraging it.

Edited by Murphy101
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know. I think you need to think of something really crappy that you don't believe in at all and imagine your kid protesting in support of it. And they ditched school to do it.

 

I have to be dead dog honest, that would probably kill me.

 

I can't really imagine it, but if I suspend disbelief that it could be something THAT out there...yes I would be EXTRA upset.

Well the fact that they would have such a different stance on something would bother me, sure. In MY worst case scenario, yeah, I'd be super upset and wonder what kind of kid I raised. And no doubt they'd get an education about why. But assuming it's something less enormous, well, what can I do? Standing up for one's beliefs is really important, IMO.

  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think the 11-14 age range is hard. Some kids are very focused and mature and might have legitimate concerns about greater society's political/social/economic issues. Some kids might trail along and say "no school - yay". It really depends on my own kid, the type of protest, and the circumstances as to what I might do. My kids have phones, so I'd expect to hear from my kid.

 

 

I agree with your whole post but especially this.

 

As some people have posted, there are kids aged 11-13 who still need help ordering a soda at the movie. There are also kids who are super independent and able to navigate around town.

 

Some kids aren't politically inclined. Others are.

 

That I wouldn't have an issue with it for my kid doesn't mean it isn't reasonable for other parents to know their child isn't ready for it or interested in politics.

 

That some kids aren't ready or interested in politics also doesn't mean my child isn't ready or highly interested in politics.

Edited by LucyStoner
  • Like 12
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would support his choice. If he chose to leave school to protest, I would still absolutely support his choice. He would have to deal with whatever sanctions the school meted out and he would know that, but again, no question, I would support his choice. He is welcome to protest when he wants. I respect my child and his choices.

 

You would ALWAYS respect your child's decisions 100% of the time? What if your child chose to do something illegal? What if he/she threw a bottle in protest and seriously injured or killed someone?

 

Parents cannot be afraid to assert authority over their children and say, "I sympathize with your anger but you need to find an appropriate way to channel it."

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you want your kids to attend a rally or march during school that's fantastic.  Just write a note or call the school and give them permission to leave.  Better yet, show up and sign them out in person and escort them yourself.  This is about students leaving without permission.  At the begining of the school year most middle and high school students have to sign a copy of their school policies.  They know that they just can't leave without permission in the middle of the day.  They also know what the consequences will be.  It is the consequences that keep the students from leaving, not locked doors.

 

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Really? It wouldn't matter to you if your kid went to a KKK rally? Because your kid is not expected to be a carbon copy of you?

This is so far off the radar here your paranoia is simply funny. :)

 

Of course that's not what I mean. Any statement can be taken to an extreme, but that's not conducive to real discussion.

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Both. Because at 11 and 12, they are ALL likely to be vulnerable to ANY bullshit, from any side. That's why we don't let kids that age vote. That's why we still call them KIDS. They simply don't have the same powers of judgement that adults do.

At 12, I worked 20+ hours a week and regularly rode the bus across the county. At barely 13 my son bussed to the University most days both ways to take a class.

 

Kids are kids, yes. But kids like adults are different and human and ready for different things at different times.

 

Speak for what works for your family and let me speak for what works for mine.

  • Like 9
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know.  I think you need to think of something really crappy that you don't believe in at all and imagine your kid protesting in support of it.  And they ditched school to do it. 

 

I have to be dead dog honest, that would probably kill me.

 

I can't really imagine it, but if I suspend disbelief that it could be something THAT out there...yes I would be EXTRA upset.

 

I can think of a few issues that would cause disappointment/sadness for me if my kids protested in support of them.   And then a few (smaller set) that would make me angry/question my husband's and my parenting.    

 

Mostly I would expect that if my kids participated in a demonstration of any kind, that they know why they are there and can articulate why they support the cause.  Well, like SixPackOFun said upthread.    

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well the fact that they would have such a different stance on something would bother me, sure. In MY worst case scenario, yeah, I'd be super upset and wonder what kind of kid I raised. And no doubt they'd get an education about why. But assuming it's something less enormous, well, what can I do? Standing up for one's beliefs is really important, IMO.

 

It might have nothing to do with how you raised him.  What if my parents were super religious?  They'd be devastated right now that I'm an atheist.  To the point where they might think they screwed up (my mother basically thought she did because she was religious).  They might think something is wrong with me.  I'm pro choice, this is not pro abortion, but some people see it that way, they might feel as if I am in favor of murdering unborn babies.  I don't see it that way, but yeah my belief in this realm could be quite different making my parents feel pretty freaked out.

 

And thinking in this direction it is kinda why I don't want my 11 year old participating in these sorts of protests.  I want him to first explore what all of this means rather than just follow the first interesting sounding thing that comes along or because that cool kid Tom with that great i-phone believes XYZ.  I don't think many 11 year olds have formulated their views to the extent they know for sure what they believe.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

At 11 and 12, you haven't "RAISED" them. You are right smack dab in the MIDDLE of "RAISING" them.

I'm in the middle of supporting them, helping guide them and working to be a positive influence.

 

I personally think kids are more or less who they are and that the most critical development is done before age 8.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

IMO if a school did that, without the knowledge and permission of the parents, they would be irresponsible and in a bad legal position, if anything happened to any of the children.Demonstrations frequently start off with the best of intentions, to be a peaceful demonstration. A few people can turn those peaceful demonstrations into violent events, very quickly and then there is a lot of danger for the people. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm hung up on the definition of "allowed." If they had permission, that's one thing. If they left without permission, that's not "allowed" but then I don't expect my kid's school to physically restrain/prevent my neurotypical middle school aged child from walking off school grounds. It's a school, not a prison.

 

Of course, for my DD to leave without an adult AFTER SCHOOL  was over for the day, on her own rather than being picked up by a parent, I had to sign a form giving permission. Her enrichment program is a bit over-paranoid that way. Unless there is a form on file, the 8th graders get treated the same as the kindergarteners.

 

If my kid skipped school to go to a protest, with MY permission, I'd totally just report them absent with my permission. The school can rule it unexcused if they want, whatever. If they did so while I expected them to be in school, without MY permission or the school's, their @ss would be grass, as the saying goes. I would be less than thrilled.

  • Like 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If the school sponsored the protest, I'd have a problem. Even if I agreed with the issue. I don't like adults using kids as props, period. Public schools especially need to not be partisan.

 

But this was not an issue of the school sponsoring the events. It was an issue of students planning and leaving on their own.

 

Frankly if I felt my not-seriously developmentally disabled middle schooler was not mature enough to leave school, I wouldn't think said middle schooler was mature enough to go to school.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Me too. As far as I can tell, it's nothing more than an excuse to get out of going to class.

 

If they can walk out of class and go, they could just as easily walk out of whatever free time event they have at other times of the day or evening.

 

If they were walking out of school, I'd expect it to be directly related to protesting something specific about the school. And for me to know beforehand.

 

This is what I told my kids. Unless the issue you are protesting is directly related to the school you'd better be in class.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm in the middle of supporting them, helping guide them and working to be a positive influence.

 

I personally think kids are more or less who they are and that the most critical development is done before age 8.

 

I don't know.  My 14 year old was 5 going on 45.  He just was always that kid.  Very serious, thoughtful, extremely interested in the details of what is going on around him (in the news, etc.) and he has changed his mind about stuff.  I don't think fundamentally he is different, and he may be smart, but he doesn't have much experience.  The more experiences he gets the more he will probably change his mind about stuff.  I know I have. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I didn't see much adult involvement in the local walkouts and most of the kids that converged all on a central location in our city go to school right around that central location.

 

 

 

When I saw the photo on the front page of the Seattle Times this morning I wondered how the students got all those professionally printed signs from the Socialist Alternative party.    

 

I liked the homemade sign that one student involved in the walk-out was holding about climate change not being a hoax.  It made me think that maybe most of the students shouldn't be provided with bus transportation to school anymore.  Let them walk to school.  

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

.

Ă¢â‚¬â€¹Really? Like really actually? You genuinely don't believe that the teen years are as critical to development as the little kid years?

Critical? Yup. Have I seen lots of growth between 8 and 13 in my son? Yup.

 

Is his development under my direct control? Nope. Have I seen his fundamental self change? Nope.

 

I'm hardly the only person to hold this view.

 

"Give me a child until he is seven and I'll show you the man"

 

Gently, you need to allow people the space to disagree with you. I respect your right to disagree with me. Your tone however is angry, emotional and dismissive to others. Frankly I think you may have a raw nerve here and so I am not going to respond to you further. I don't want to rile you up.

Edited by LucyStoner
  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am not angry. I am genuinely 100% completely shocked and...honestly finding it hard to even formulate responses. Just...yeah....totally surprised. Not angry/offended/insulted or any of that. Just....disbelief?

 

Yeah, I think I might have actually hit a level of surprised where I am approaching speechlessness.

Ok. There's a lot of that going on right now. I get it. :)

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I saw the photo on the front page of the Seattle Times this morning I wondered how the students got all those professionally printed signs from the Socialist Alternative party.

 

I liked the homemade sign that one student involved in the walk-out was holding about climate change not being a hoax. It made me think that maybe most of the students shouldn't be provided with bus transportation to school anymore. Let them walk to school.

When I was 14 I was part of a student led group of activists. We had, believe it or not, the ability to request signs from other groups or to print our own. We did not have an adult facilitator. We met 2x a week not far from the park featured in the news story about the Seattle protests.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know. My 14 year old was 5 going on 45. He just was always that kid. Very serious, thoughtful, extremely interested in the details of what is going on around him (in the news, etc.) and he has changed his mind about stuff. I don't think fundamentally he is different, and he may be smart, but he doesn't have much experience. The more experiences he gets the more he will probably change his mind about stuff. I know I have.

Change his mind? Sure. Change who he is? I don't really see that a lot.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know. My 14 year old was 5 going on 45. He just was always that kid. Very serious, thoughtful, extremely interested in the details of what is going on around him (in the news, etc.) and he has changed his mind about stuff. I don't think fundamentally he is different, and he may be smart, but he doesn't have much experience. The more experiences he gets the more he will probably change his mind about stuff. I know I have.

This was my son too. And I readily admit it colors my take on what kids can handle.

 

I tend to think experiences like attending rallies and protests can help formulate views and perspective. Not every 13 yo is ready for it, of course, but I absolutely think its beneficial for those who are. Whether their viewpoint is further solidified or dismantled as a result, it's a win in my book.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If a parent believe his/her kid is ready for this decision at whatever age, fine.

 

A school makes decisions for the whole student body or whatever grade levels are involved.  If the middle school is grades 6-8, the age range is probably 10.5-14.  A decision for all these grades has to be OK for 10yos as well as 14yos.  And not just your individual 10yo, but the majority of 10yos.

 

It isn't clear to me whether the school encouraged or allowed or just gave up trying to prevent this action.  I would hope they at least told the kids not to go.  If the kids filed out anyway, I don't expect them to get physical on them and hold them back.  I would support their giving consequences as leaving school without permission is kind of a big deal.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

Ă—
Ă—
  • Create New...