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Ex coming to family gatherings


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We have family holiday gatherings twice a year and my brother or his step children keep inviting his ex even though the rest of us are uncomfortable with it.  It wasn't a pleasant divorce and she caused a lot of pain in our family and has turned out not to be the person we all thought she was.  My brother has no interest in reconciling with her and their only connection is than they share children, but he has forgiven her and is cordial with her.  Her children are still included in our gatherings as we have been their family since they were toddlers and they are very kind and respectable adults now who we have always loved. 


There is no one host to our gatherings as we don't meet at anyone's home, usually a restaurant or park.  We never have any notice that the ex is coming and sometimes she shows up saying she has to ask one of her kids something or drop something off with them.  She lives within 5 miles of her kids and sees them multiple times a week.  None the less, she is knowledgable of where and when we are gathering and makes a point of showing up.  She doesn't talk to any of us unless one of us says something to her, she doesn't eat a meal with us, just sits with her kids.  She has her own big family to have holidays with, but keeps showing up at ours, usually late and unexpected.  How can we kindly tell my brother we don't want her there?

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