My 14yo is a dementor

[Moxie]

She has an amazing ability to suck all joy and happiness from a room. I'm so tired of her moodiness

[bettyandbob]

I knew this was what you were going to say.

 

((Hugs))

 

It takes time (sometimes a lot of time), but it gets better.

[Katy]

Eat lots of chocolate and feel better!

[Arcadia]

:grouphug: my DS11 is destroying ewaste. He has killed a few free old computer mice and keyboards.

 

No firewood for him to chop unfortunately :(

Edited November 8, 2016 by Arcadia

[Tess in the Burbs]

oh, my 14 year old boy is this way. He's currently whining about school and the gov't and how no one should have to learn anything ever.  And yes, he sucks the joy out of every day.  ever moment.  He ruins it all.  And it SUCKS.  I'm emotionally drained daily by my dementor. 

[jen3kids]

My oldest was definitely a dementor.  Thankfully, he has matured a lot and, at age 19, is much better.  He still gets dementor-ish at times, but it is relatively rare and short-lived.  

 

But, I totally feel for you. It is really awful.

 

 

[Anne in CA]

LOL, I have had one of those. My oldest used to admit that she didn't want anyone else in the family to be happy if she wasn't happy. By the time she was 17 I learned to be an actress of great prowess and pretend to still be happy no matter what she did. Drove. Her. Nuts. The next year she did an internship where she lived with a family that had a 16yo girl and dd was all, "She is so rude, if she's unhappy she wants everyone else to be unhappy too!" HMMM. Couldn't happen to a more deserving person, lol.

[2ndGenHomeschooler]

oh, my 14 year old boy is this way. He's currently whining about school and the gov't and how no one should have to learn anything ever. And yes, he sucks the joy out of every day. ever moment. He ruins it all. And it SUCKS. I'm emotionally drained daily by my dementor.

 

My 12yo DD says the exact same thing. No one should have to learn anything. If no one learned anything we'd all be dumb but it wouldn't matter because we'd all be dumb together. ðŸ˜

[El...]

Oooh, I remember being that age!  And I was the homeschool student!  My poor mom.  The year after that was MUCH better for everyone involved.

[coralloyd]

This too shall pass.

[Valley Girl]

oh, my 14 year old boy is this way. He's currently whining about school and the gov't and how no one should have to learn anything ever. 

 

How'd you get my kid?

 

In desperation, I told him he can run for office when he's older and do away with the requirement for school if he feels so strongly about it. He responded that he wasn't going to do that. If he has to suffer, so do all those future kids.

 

It is draining, even if you don't engage.

[Valley Girl]

LOL, I have had one of those. My oldest used to admit that she didn't want anyone else in the family to be happy if she wasn't happy. By the time she was 17 I learned to be an actress of great prowess and pretend to still be happy no matter what she did. Drove. Her. Nuts. The next year she did an internship where she lived with a family that had a 16yo girl and dd was all, "She is so rude, if she's unhappy she wants everyone else to be unhappy too!" HMMM. Couldn't happen to a more deserving person, lol.

 

Sometimes karma is a lovely thing.

[gardenmom5]

I had thought dd's very volatile moodiness was just teenage hormones. after all, that's when it really started.  I know it wouldn't have gotten me anywhere to talk to her ped - but there was much more going on that needed to be dealt with.

 

she has now been diagnosed with low adrenal function.  her vitamin d3 was also very low - which affects mood stability.

 

as unfun as it is for other people, it's hard on her too.

 

eta: i've had three more go through their teens years - none of them were remotely as moody.  (one could be really obnoxious though.)

Edited November 8, 2016 by gardenmom5

[Arcadia]

she has now been diagnosed with low adrenal function. her vitamin d3 was also very low - which affects mood stability.

How do you get the doctor to refer your child for a test? My kids current pediatrician would likely write it off as lack of socialization and sports. Or do we just try a vitamin d3 supplement and see if it helps?

[Tess in the Burbs]

This too shall pass.

 

sadly, this kid has been this way his entire childhood.  I'm not holding my breath much will change for years to come

[maize]

I'd watch for medical stuff as well. Could be normal hormonal moodiness, but teens can have vitamin deficiencies, thyroid problems, clinical depression, and a whole host of stuff that shouldn't just be written off because of age.

[Scarlett]

How do you get the doctor to refer your child for a test? My kids current pediatrician would likely write it off as lack of socialization and sports. Or do we just try a vitamin d3 supplement and see if it helps?

 

 

Lack of socialization and sports.  Oh Good Gravy.  I wonder how people get  by with no socialization and sports.

[maize]

How do you get the doctor to refer your child for a test? My kids current pediatrician would likely write it off as lack of socialization and sports. Or do we just try a vitamin d3 supplement and see if it helps?

Try a different doctor, nurse practitioner, or naturopath.

[Arcadia]

Lack of socialization and sports. Oh Good Gravy. I wonder how people get by with no socialization and sports.

My kids just aren't into sports but people tend to assume we want to wrap them in a bubble. It is so much easier to get testing for my underweight DS10 but not for my "normal" weight DS11.

 

ETA:

The doctor is not against homeschooling. He is just very into extracurricular activities of the moving or social kind.

We have gone for out of network before and just file a claim.

Edited November 8, 2016 by Arcadia

[gardenmom5]

How do you get the doctor to refer your child for a test? My kids current pediatrician would likely write it off as lack of socialization and sports. Or do we just try a vitamin d3 supplement and see if it helps?

 

the best test for adrenal function is a 24 hour cortisol test. (the blood test is considered worthless - so don't waste your money.)  that's the specific one you'd need to ask for.  cortisol follows a specific pattern through the day.  it should be high in the morning - going down at an angle to really low in the evening.  

 

just checking the vitamin d3 is something most drs will do.  most recognize how important adequate levels are.  it has also been reclassified as a hormone (it came up in one of 2dd's classes.  she's a pharmd.) because of how many systems require adequate levels for healthy function - and how it is made.

d3 level should be >50.  I've seen recommendations from multiple sources for optimum of around 70. 

 

drops with vitamin k?  are the most absorbable. next is a gel-tab.  the oil used as a delivery method varies among brands - but some are more available than others.  I use NOW as a middle of the road balance between cost and absorbability.  (it comes in different strengths) I'm taking a 5,000 IUs daily.  at one time, dd took 10K a day.  after six weeks, her levels barely budged. (her d3 level had been 10).  l used to just take the cheap costco version, taking between 2K to 6K ius.  my levels would rise about 6points a year, over six years - and I still hadn't hit 50 as of the last time I did a d3 test. I switched brands. (to NOW)

 

eta: the cortisol test is actually something you can order yourself.  i don't have the link, but stop the thyroid madness has all sorts of links to being able to order tests yourself.

the scariest thing I ever heard about d3 was from an oncologist.  she said she never had a patient with a d3 level >30.

Edited November 8, 2016 by gardenmom5

[gardenmom5]

How'd you get my kid?

 

In desperation, I told him he can run for office when he's older and do away with the requirement for school if he feels so strongly about it. He responded that he wasn't going to do that. If he has to suffer, so do all those future kids.

 

It is draining, even if you don't engage.

 

i wish dudeling would feel even that much.

he thinks he should be able to live in my basement and  play computer games indefinitely.

no kid, you can't live with me forever.  after you have a marketable education, if you want to sit in the basement and play computer games, you can do it on your own dime.

[fraidycat]

I've used this exact same word in reference to my 14 year old. She's now in school, busier, happier, and easier to deal with in smaller doses on evenings and weekends. It's have to be a major event for me to bring her back home to homeschool her for high school.

[SebastianCat]

My 14 year old usually snaps out of his grouchy moods after a long run...like 5 miles. Unfortunately, he has a broken finger and the orthopedist said no running for 3 weeks. He is driving me nuts...driving DD nuts...driving himself nuts...because he has no outlet for stress right now. My 12 year old DD has full-blown PMS this week. Our house is not fun right now.

[Laurel-in-CA]

I have a 13yo. Last night she was with the next younger group in her AHG troop and came home telling ME what awful attitudes they had. "Mom, remember when I was just 11? They're acting just that awful."

 

Oh, honey, mirror please. LOL

[jen3kids]

sadly, this kid has been this way his entire childhood.  I'm not holding my breath much will change for years to come

 

My oldest was like that from Day 1 and it was years.  Like I said, he's 19 now and soooo much better

 

My 14 year old usually snaps out of his grouchy moods after a long run...like 5 miles. Unfortunately, he has a broken finger and the orthopedist said no running for 3 weeks. He is driving me nuts...driving DD nuts...driving himself nuts...because he has no outlet for stress right now. My 12 year old DD has full-blown PMS this week. Our house is not fun right now.

 

Physical activity really helped my ds, so I had to be adamant about him doing it.  I strongly believe that his current job has really improved his attitude.  He was always happiest doing 'real' things.  

[Tess in the Burbs]

i wish dudeling would feel even that much.

he thinks he should be able to live in my basement and  play computer games indefinitely.

no kid, you can't live with me forever.  after you have a marketable education, if you want to sit in the basement and play computer games, you can do it on your own dime.

 

 

THIS.  Why the heck do they think they can stay forever for free?  My younger would go to college today if they would let her.  She's ready to be out and about in the world doing awesome things and living Life.  Unless something seriously changes in his brain I'm probably going to have to kick him out to get him to go.  

 

today is a great example.  I have to leave early for my dd's scout group.  So school schedule is LIGHT.  It's noon and he's done NOTHING in completion.  Ugh.  Seriously dude.  Grammar review would be 10 min max.  Just pick something and DO IT.  He's griped over an hour about school and math and life and rules and......

 

I am drained and I still have to go lead scouts.  If any kid or mom irks me today I'm seriously going to have trouble not walking out or speaking inappropriately.  I just can't do more mentally today after his crap.  

 

 

Sadly, my boy has no sports or activities.  He just wants to game.  He negotiates to game.  His life is planned around gaming time.  When I leave today I have to turn off the internet so he can't game.    He won't even mountain bike anymore.  Our Dr agreed with him that his life sucks.  He suggested he find a group to join...just get involved  Nope, hasn't happened. I think school would suck for him, but some days I really think he needs the experience to make more friends and have some one else to gripe about. 

[gardenmom5]

THIS.  Why the heck do they think they can stay forever for free?  My younger would go to college today if they would let her.  She's ready to be out and about in the world doing awesome things and living Life.  Unless something seriously changes in his brain I'm probably going to have to kick him out to get him to go.  

 

today is a great example.  I have to leave early for my dd's scout group.  So school schedule is LIGHT.  It's noon and he's done NOTHING in completion.  Ugh.  Seriously dude.  Grammar review would be 10 min max.  Just pick something and DO IT.  He's griped over an hour about school and math and life and rules and......

 

I am drained and I still have to go lead scouts.  If any kid or mom irks me today I'm seriously going to have trouble not walking out or speaking inappropriately.  I just can't do more mentally today after his crap.  

 

 

Sadly, my boy has no sports or activities.  He just wants to game.  He negotiates to game.  His life is planned around gaming time.  When I leave today I have to turn off the internet so he can't game.    He won't even mountain bike anymore.  Our Dr agreed with him that his life sucks.  He suggested he find a group to join...just get involved  Nope, hasn't happened. I think school would suck for him, but some days I really think he needs the experience to make more friends and have some one else to gripe about. 

 

 

I've lost count of the "if you just did it instead of arguing you'd be done now" lectures I've given over the years.  it takes 15minuts to do something you've spent three hours arguing about.  I think it is starting to register though.  but he still needs support to do his work  I did have one who hated writing.  HATED.  I finally allowed him to dictate, and I would write it.  he'd been done in five minutes.  I do that with dudeling sometimes.  he's doing better, but still doesn't like it.  it actually can be related to capd and in my family - it is hereditary..

 

the joy is when any sibling is here - and they'll tell him to "just. do. it."

very satisfying.  

 

I have two in college - they'll point out how much time they spend on homework.

[Hen]

oh goodness, I think you just gave me a better description for my grandmother, who lives with us.  I told dh that she's like the grim reaper following me around, sighing and telling me sad stories and sighing over me over-doing it... dementor is a better word.  :001_rolleyes:

[Minerva]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[dirty ethel rackham]

Oh, I hear you.  Living with someone with mental illness can be like living with dementors.  It has really taken a toll on me and the only cure is chocolate... lots of chocolate, which explains this new 10 lbs. 

 

Hope it gets better soon. 

[Arcadia]

eta: the cortisol test is actually something you can order yourself. i don't have the link, but stop the thyroid madness has all sorts of links to being able to order tests yourself.

Thanks. All the info is helpful. My turning 12 boy had growth spurts, voice deepening and we have less outside classes this year so less conscientious outdoors time unfortunately. My DS10 was on prescribed vitamin drops inclduojg for vit D as a FTT infant but he only had many blood tests done.

I'll look into ordering the tests for my boys and maybe even for myself. My mom had thyroid problems in her 30s that resolved with surgery.

 

My boys might just be grouchy preteens but I feel better eliminating something relatively simple like vitamin D deficiency. A family friend had SAD in New York but she is okay after relocating back here with more sunshine.