Advice re: homeschooling with anxiety/depression

[sarahrb]

This is my first year homeschooling my DS (6), also have DD (2) who is not being formalled educated yet.  My son went to part-time preschool (glorified daycare) and full-time Kindergarten in our community last year, but we pulled him this year to give him more one-on-one education due to attention issues and mild behavior issues.  In truth, my husband and I had wanted to do homeschool with him before this year, but I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for a few years.

 

We have been doing school for just over two months and while things have been going pretty well, it is really wearing on me.  I don't think my son should go back to the public school -- even with my struggles, I think he will get a better education at home -- but on bad days I am afraid that my mental/mood issues will make him hate learning.  We have a great curriculum and just do the basics together (2-3 out of the following 4 subjects Monday through Thursday - ELA, Reading (O-G), Math, and Science, plus "Elective Day" on Fridays for Library/Music/Health) and have other teachers involved for History, Art, and gym, so I don't think I can really pull back much more ...

 

Like I said, a lot of days go quite well, but today was a bad day.  

 

Anyone else out there pushing through similar difficulties?  What has helped you?  What has been best for you and your kids?

[Code Lyoko]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: 

 

Are you being treated for your anxiety and depression?  

Edited November 7, 2016 by Code Lyoko

[Jean in Newcastle]

Have you talked to your doctor?  I think that the answer will be getting help for your anxiety and depression through medication and possibly things like supplements, light therapy, exercise, etc.  What you have for your kids looks great and it seems to be working for  you from what you say. 

[Sammish]

My son is about to turn 10, and we've been homeschooling since the beginning. I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety in college, and have been on medication since then. My meds suddenly stopped working this past year, so my doctor and I have been working to find a new regimen that works for me (with varying levels of success). So I have good days and not so good days.  

 

So, with all that being said, what works for me:

 

1) Making sure I'm being treated! Meds are not a cure all, but they sure make a heck of a difference! I also have a Happy Light, which I use in the winter and have it turned on while we do school. 

 

2) Meditation (I used the Headspace app to get the hang of it, and now do it on my own) and mindfulness (I'm working my way through The Mindful Way Through Depression book and workbook). Becoming more aware of how I felt, and not getting immediately dragged down the rabbit hold of depression just because I momentarily felt sad have been great for me. It's just given me a little breathing space between me and my emotions. When I feel myself getting really worked up or anxious or frustrated, stopping and focusing on my breathing for a few moments can be a great way of snapping me out of the cycle, and calming me down a bit.

 

3) Not trying to push too hard when I'm having a bad day (this has taken the longest to learn :)). It used to be that when I felt bad, I'd feel like I HAD to push through and do everything anyway, and would be short tempered and get mad at myself for not being able to do it all. You can guess how productive that was. Now I give myself permission to take it easier on bad days. We'll do a lighter day of school, maybe include some documentaries, and choose not to do something that requires lots of patience or is likely to lead to conflict (introduce a new math concept, do a difficult spelling list, etc.). If I had a sprained ankle, I wouldn't still expect myself to run all of my errands, or take my kid for a walk. Same theory- my brain isn't working, so I'm going to take it easy on it. The relationship with my kid, and his attitude toward learning/school, are more important than any individual facts he might learn that day. 

 

4) Realizing that it's okay to not be perfect, and that it's actually good for my son to know that. I read a great blog post (which I of course cannot find now) which talked about this. The basic idea was that giving your kid this unrealistic idea of you being this perfect Pinterest mom who never has a bad day sets them up for unrealistic expectations of other people in their lives (particularly future partners) in the future. My son is older, so I've talked to him about the fact that sometimes my brain doesn't play nicely with me. He knows that when that happens he needs to be a little gentler with me, and that I could use some quiet time. He'll often make sure that I have a blanket tucked around me on the couch, or suggest we play a game I like, or watch something together on TV. And then when I feel like myself again, life goes back to normal. It's just something that happens to Mom sometimes, and it will pass, and it's okay. I feel like this is a pretty important life lesson, particularly as depression may have a genetic link. I'll be keeping an eye on him as he gets older, teaching him coping mechanisms if he needs them. And if he does end up having depression when he's older, or he is close to someone who does, it won't be some big unknown, scary beast. It's something he's seen before, and knows it can be survived, and that it passes. 

 

 

[Jackie]

I've had very long-term depression and anxiety. I've been through all the usual recommendations for treatment/management, and not much has ever made noticeable improvement. I feel you.

 

In addition to whatever may work for your depression and anxiety, I've found a couple things that work to make homeschooling itself smoother with my ups and downs.

 

1. Getting planning done during better days/weeks/months. Winter is miserable for me, and if I didn't have everything ready to go before the season starts, I wouldn't get much of anything done. I try to organize book lists, research curriculum options, look up fun things to do, etc. during summer because I know that's when I'll have the motivation and focus. Then during winter I can switch to autopilot.

 

2. Outsourcing. On my bad days, I can usually still find enough energy to drive DD somewhere so that someone else can run out her energy. She's in a lot of classes for physical activity - gymnastics, forest school, circus arts, whatever I can find.

 

3. Independent alternatives. For days when I just can't hack it, I have apps, books, documentaries... I pull a rarely used building toy off the shelf. I prompt DD to start in on a really time-intensive project of some sort.

[SeaConquest]

Please realize that you are not alone. Medication has been a savior for me, but it is still a struggle. Great recommendations already. Just please be gentle with yourself and don't judge your homeschool by the bad days. Talk to yourself as you would a good friend and you are more likely to see the positives.

[sarahrb]

Thanks everyone for posting!  I really appreciated the encouragement and suggestions.  To answer the repeated question, I have been trying to deal with the issues with a naturopathic doctor for almost a year, but gave up on that last month and am on my first medication.  So far ... it's too early to tell if that's helping, but my nurse practitioner is really sweet and supportive, as is my awesome husband.  So, I have that going for me.

[zarabellesmom]

Try to be patient with the medication and also keep in mind that sometimes the first doesn't work or the dosage needs to be changed. In any case, when it works, it is so worth it. My oldest daughter was almost four when my depression spiked (it has always come and gone). It was so bad at that point that it was better for her to be in school. I brought her home after kindergarten when I was healthy again. Everyone's situation is different and I wish you all the best with whatever you decide. Being willing to seek treatment is a big step and definitely something to be proud of.

[tmstranger]

I have panic disorder.  I actually think homeschooling helps me because my kids are home with me and that is a comfort.  No racing to catch the bus or worrying about school stuff/schedules, etc. 

 

The biggest help to me in this journey was therapy.  I didn't do well on medication, but I felt better after 2 therapy sessions.  I saw a "behavioral therapist" who helped me to retrain my thinking...HUGE difference for me.

 

Also, I find that getting outside helps.  Even during the winter, when seasonal affect kicks in, getting outside recharges me. 

 

You are not alone.  It's good that you are getting help.  It always helps to talk to someone else who has been in the same boat, too.  All of the ladies here are very supportive, so reach out whenever you need a hand.

[fdrinca]

I found Sarah Mackenzie's Teaching from Rest to be especially reaffirming.

https://www.amazon.com/Teaching-Rest-Homeschoolers-Guide-Unshakable/dp/1600512879/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1478623762&sr=8-1&keywords=teaching+from+rest

[Sammish]

Try to be patient with the medication and also keep in mind that sometimes the first doesn't work or the dosage needs to be changed. In any case, when it works, it is so worth it. 

 

:iagree:  This can't be overstated! I got super lucky in that the first medication I tried worked great for me. But when (many years later) I needed to change medication, I feel like I tried every drug under the sun, trying to find one that worked for me. Some worked, but not well enough. Some didn't work at all. And some worked, but had such awful side effects. I'm lucky in that I'm pretty sensitive to medication, so the low, introductory dose, is usually enough for me. But on the other hand, I also seem to be the queen of rare side effects. :/ I picked up a copy of The Pill Book at the pharmacy, and that's been very useful for having a reliable source of possible side effects to reference. 

 

It's been a rough road at times, but when you get the right combination of meds, and you feel normal and like yourself for days and weeks and even months at a time... it's so worth it. 

[TKDmom]

:grouphug:  I struggle with this too. Medication has been a life-saver for me. 

 

I wish I could go back and tell myself that a 6yo does not need to cover all the subjects all the days. Math, handwriting, and reading aloud are enough. On especially low days that can be math, handwriting, and an audiobook. Extra subjects are a bonus and I can pat myself on the back for extras.

 

Now, I have older kids, and I have discovered that I really do have only so much energy. It's not laziness on my part that I can't get to everything. I've had seasons with lots of extra-curriculars and academics suffered. Right now I have 2 kids in a homeschool PE class and one in voice lessons. That's it. And miraculously (!) I have almost enough energy for all our academics and making dinner at the end of the day. I usually run out of steam halfway though dinner prep and hand it off to a kid or dh (when he gets home).

 

Therapy with an awesome, non-judgmental "mommy-therapist" was a huge help to me last year. I hated how it took two hours out of my week to visit her, but it helped me so much. She uses EMDR and helped me combat the negative, judgmental voice inside my head.

 

[PollyOR]

I admit skimming this thread.  I wanted to chime in about the medication.  If the doctor says it takes 7-9 weeks to start working, he is telling you the truth.   Four out of six of my immediate family members have taken anti-depressants, but I learned this fact the hard way last year.  One of my daughters was suicidal.  That was the longest two months of my life while we were waiting for the drugs to kick in.  Make sure you have a "safe" person to talk to during this period.  Don't hold it in.

 

Sorry to be so preachy.  I wish I had helped her sooner.  

 

I wish you the best. :)

[musicalmom1125]

I have nothing to add in terms of the suggestions that have been made here.  They are all wonderful and very thoughtful.

 

I just wanted to raise my hand and say here's another mom homeschooling with severe anxiety.

 

You are not alone. :grouphug: