At what point do you stop ensuring unstructured time?

[tm919]

I need a little insight from parents who have been here, and done this….

 

My older daughter is almost 7 and goes to public school. Aside for afterschooling, she does a spanish class, dance, swim, and an AM exercise class. She wants to add another day of dance, another day of swim, and then next year add an instrument (she took general music classes prior to this). She is also highly social and has what feels like a million parties, playdates, and so on.

 

Up until now, I have always “scheduled in†2 hours of “unstructured time†per day, on the grounds that I’m a Type A person that needs to protect my children’s free time from its worst predator: Me. No matter what happened, they had time with nothing to do every. single. day.

 

But what happens when your child becomes the “predator†devouring their OWN unstructured time. Do you just let the unstructured time go since it’s their own choice to develop passions that are time-consuming? Is there an age/sign for knowing when they CAN choose well? 

 

[freesia]

I don't think you should stop now. I think adding would be way too much for a six year old. She needs to internalize balance.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'm amazed you find 2 hours of time within a day like that! 

 

I find all the activities are generally harder on me than my kids.  They just basically show up and do the activity.  They aren't carting anyone to and from and they don't have tons of life/home responsibilities to juggle on busy days. 

 

I guess I'd play it by ear.  Try adding and see how it goes.  That does seem like a ton to add all at once so I'm not sure I'd agree to all of it, but that would mostly be for my own sanity.  I'm not very extroverted and high energy though. 

[luuknam]

Never?

 

ETA: I don't think it necessarily needs to be 2 hours every day, but I do think there is value in having a good chunk of unstructured time.

Edited October 20, 2016 by luuknam

[fairfarmhand]

She's only 7. That;s already quite a schedule.

 

Let me tell you about my Type A dd who would love to pack her schedule. She finds when her life is too full that she has no time to nurture friendships. No time to enjoy life. No time to just rest and doodle and be creative. On paper she loves having something for every day, but in practicallity if she can't find hang out time for a best friend to just be friends, her life turns into drudgery and the things that she likes to fill her days with are no longer fun.

 

[Shellydon]

My 7 year old does math, handwriting, phonics -- 1 hour per day.  He does 3 co-op classes 1 day a week and P.E. on a different day.  That's it.  I would have a nervous breakdown keeping up with your schedule.  At our house, unstructured time begins to disappear in 8th grade as the demands of a high school curriculum begin.

[SKL]

My kids were also very busy at that age.

 

Here's what I would (and did) do:  rather than worry about a significant unstructured block *every day,* I would set aside 2 or 3 larger blocks each week that are unstructured.

 

Since it is your daughter asking to add more activities, I think it would be arbitrary to insist that she has to have 2 hours per day unstructured.  Actually I think it is OK for some days to be 100% structured, as long as there are also other days (or half-days) when she has to entertain herself.

 

But I would tell the child:  this is your choice; you need to realize that this means you won't have screen time etc. on those days.  You can't complain later that you had no chill time on those days.

[SKL]

I should also note that the child's own desire for "free time" increases with age.  Around age 9 is when I started getting serious push-back from my kid, and I dialed the schedule back accordingly.  That doesn't mean she was too scheduled at age 7 or 8.  So be flexible and be willing to change as your child's needs change.

 

I still get push-back sometimes, on days when she has a loved activity and a lot of homework, and doesn't get to play on her computer.  Well, sometimes we all have days like that.  The activity is very important to her; homework is not negotiable.  Sometimes reality stinks.  ;)

Edited October 20, 2016 by SKL

[Rebel Yell]

Some kids do thrive on the structured activities. Perhaps what they'd like to be doing during their scheduled unstructured time is something that is best done in a structured activity... meaning, if she'd love to fill her free hours swimming but you don't have a pool at home, she'd have to go to a pool, right?

 

Agreeing with another poster that it might not work to insist on 120 minutes every single day. Some days might be full from bus stop to bed time, other days may have nothing planned regularly.

[Guest]

Keep that time in there! It's very important for balance and. It prevents burnout. Maybe swap out one activity for another, but keep two smaller blocks or one bigger block of chill time for her sake, even if she thinks it's a bad idea.

Edited October 20, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Bluegoat]

Not until much later, I'd say.

 

To me the fact that the child is demanding it really isn't the point at all, kids aren't necessarily in a position to be able to know what will make a good balance.  Even many adults have trouble with balance.  Part of the job of the parent IMO is to protect the child from their own tendencies, be it to take on too much, or too little, or something else.

 

You might want to be more flexible about how you arrange time, but I think it sounds like she is already heavily scheduled.

[Guest]

Not at six or seven, for sure.

[ScoutTN]

Not for quite a while.

[poppy]

Not surprising a little kids wants to do everything , but I think a crucial part of a parent's job is to protect our kids childhoods. After schooling plus maybe two nights a week out would be my max personally.

Edited October 20, 2016 by poppy

[KungFuPanda]

If you live in a place with lots to do, the ability to walk away from fun opportunities is a life skill. Just because you can cram it into your schedule doesn't mean you should. You still need time to process what you've learned or experienced. Every little thing they dabble in at 7 has the potential to take over their lives as teens. Keep protecting that down time and help her choose what to give up if she adds something to her schedule. Some things may get relegated to summer months, but there are only so many hours and classes get longer as the kids age.

[tm919]

Thanks all! The perspective helps since we're in a subculture where it's not unusual for kids to be totally scheduled all day, for 5-6 days a week with maybe 1 day partly off.

 

To keep the blocks of unstructured time, I think we will have to accept that we need to drop something, or do something on an alternating basis, to add anything. Any other way, the hours just won't add up.The idea of being a little more flexible (like 1 hr min on Monday, but 3 hr min on Tuesday) depending on activities could also help, at least if it cuts down on the time we spend in the car. 

[Bluegoat]

We do some things for part of the year.  Most of our school year activities stop over the summer, so we'll do some other fun things then.  We do a two week block of the free swimming lessons at the lake, the kids might go to a camp for a week or something else.  We also sometimes change things up during the school year, my dd11 last year just did one unit of basketball through community rec and then did a homeschool gym class later.