kids, consumerism, and holidays

[caedmyn]

My 4 older kids all have birthdays within a month or two of Christmas. They get so much stuff between their birthdays and Christmas. We don't give many presents, but both sets of grandparents do, and they also get gifts from aunts and uncles. Almost everybody asks for gift suggestions, so I end up making up wish lists, and occasionally have asked the kids what they want for bd/Christmas or if they wanted such and such that I was thinking of putting on the list. DH and I both think they've gone a little overboard with how much stuff they want and how much time they spend thinking about more stuff. Right after Christmas they start asking about next year's gifts and requesting things be put on their wishlists for next year. It seems like they are always asking about this. They rarely get new toys outside of holidays, and aren't exposed to advertising, so I think this all comes from the wishlists and holiday gifts. I try to think of practical things to suggest, like shoes, socks, occasionally a winter jacket or bedding set, but there's only so much they actually need. There's really nothing here for "experience" gifts...no zoos, no good museums. And I am tired of spending so much time putting together wishlists for different people for so many birthdays and Christmas right together. The grandparents like them because it makes their shopping easy, and I it is nice for them receive gifts they're more likely to want or use, vs random toys that end up at Goodwill quickly, but it is still so.much.stuff. How do you keep from being overwhelmed by holidays gifts, or help your kids be content with what they have and focus more on giving to others, especially around Christmas time?

[mamiof5]

Too bad you can't do experiences, because we'd love to have that instead, but our relatives don't ask. Their grandparents (paternal side) refuse to give more stuff, for bday and Christmas they put money towards college fund. My mom gives them both, sometimes things, sometimes money. When it's money I encourage them to save it. For bdays some friends do ask and don't mind giving cash gifts, which are usually saved for when they see something they really like. I encourage them to give away quickly stuff that they are not using or they don't care for (even if it's brand new).

 

As much as I can we try to involve them in service projects (helping those in need, visiting nursing centers etc)

 

ETA: what about extra curricular activities? Do your kids participate in any? Would family be willing to give gifts towards those?

Edited October 19, 2016 by mamiof5

[HomeAgain]

Well, keeping from being overwhelmed is easy here. :)  Different family dynamics.

 

However, we have certain holiday traditions that help them focus more.  Once they're old enough to transition from "Santa the man" to "Santa the giving spirit", we encourage being Santa throughout the month.  We pick children their same age from the Angel Tree and have them shop for them. We donate to the foster home society - they have a visiting room and always are looking for toys - or to another place (like the food bank, pregnancy help, etc).  We've taken turns being bell-ringers.  We make a ton of candies and cookies and leave them with our friends/neighbors.  We also insist on certain manners during Christmas day: breakfast, then opening one gift at a time and watching everyone open in turn.  It gives them a chance to look over their own gift and not just be after the next thing.

[gardenmom5]

instead of it being for "special" items only, include nicer/pricier basics.  experiences, lessons, equipment for lessons, etc.  let your family know the children will appreciate those items much longer than a toy that is broken by new year's, etc.   "coupons" for a special date with aunt/uncle to the theater/concert/amusment park/etc. at a later time.  that spreads it throughout the year, doesn't make a mess, but makes a memory that can last a lifetime.

 

even dudeling is reaching the point he's interested in "other stuff".

 

I made my kids take turns and watch their siblings open gifts.  I didn't think much of it until the year my brother was here with his kids.  they were from the dudely dursley school of gifting.  they ripped through their own gifts without even stopping to *look* AT *their own* gifts before opening the next one, let alone 'anyone' else's gifts.  they were done and out of the room within 5 - 10 minutes.

[gardenmom5]

even if there aren't museums/theaters/etc. 

are the relatives close enough for "dinner dates", etc.?

 

 

[RioSamba]

I have one child with a close to Christmas birthday. We have a low key celebration and save all of the big stuff for a "Half Birthday" celebration. My child likes having an occasion not over shadowed by the Holidays, and it's nice that the gifts don't come all at once. I wonder if some of your children's feelings stem from everything coming once a year?

[maize]

Could the relatives contribute to a college fund or something instead of buying a gift?

[Bluegoat]

I have a similar problem.

 

I have had a few solutions.  Stockings are the only Santa gifts the kids get, and they include a fair bit of practical stuff, like tootbrushes and socks.  But slightly more exciting ones than I normally buy.

 

I try and put off some purchases so they can be gifts.  My dd11 has been doing chess club and wants a chess set.  Rather than run out an dbuy one, I will probably suggest er grandparents get it for her for CHristmas.  I know she's become interested in hair styles so for her birthday I am going to make up a kit with pins, brushes, and so on.  There are things she needs, to some extent, but they can still be great gifts.

 

My side of the family is a little better at avoiding excess stuff, they often will contribute to lessons or take the kids somewhere.  Holiday concerts and such can be a great idea for gifts - in the past I've taken kids to see The Magic Flute at the movies and the St Mathew Passion at a concert venue, things I might not have afforded as well as gifts.

[Bluegoat]

Another thing is - it's possible to just take a lot of the gift giving out of the season, if you want.  Tell relatives to scale it way back and replace it with other activities and traditions.  Gift giving on a massive scale is a pretty recent thing.

[caedmyn]

Finally getting back to this...

 

Youngest is 2 months old now...finally got around to updating my signature.  We were supposed to have September, October, November, December, January birthdays, but the baby decided to come in August instead of September.

 

We do a lot of these already, like putting off buying various purchases or buying clothes/outdoor gear until Christmas.  Except most of their clothes come from garage saleing so if I've found it at a garage sale that summer, they have it, which accounts for most of what they need, and if not, it gets put off til Christmas or a birthday if possible.  There are already great grandparents and great aunts/uncles that give them money that we just put into their college funds.  I don't think any of the other relatives would be willing to give money for college instead of gifts.  We have them open gifts in a round...so everyone gets to open one gift, wait til they're all done, then they can each open another one.  Maybe each opening one at a time would be better.  We do some consumables too but somehow they end up not necessarily being consumed...or only partly used...except food...so those tend to add to the clutter too.  Only one set of grandparents lives close enough for dates, and they come 1-2x/month.  They would probably have to do a group thing, and some things aren't manageable for them with 4 kids to watch.  I'll see if I can think of some ideas there.

 

I do want to do more service-oriented stuff this year.  I tried last year, printing out a 25 days of Christmas random acts of kindness calendar, but ended up dropping it because I had to facilitate everything...there was nothing they would just run with on their own, and in the end I felt like it just added to my stress level having yet another thing I "had" to do.  I think we're going to participate in a homeschool Toys for Tots project, where we'll buy gifts for kids and then spend some time helping in the TfT warehouse.  I just need to come up with easy service projects that don't make me feel stressed.

 

Not allowing discussion of wish lists til close to their birthdays/Christmas is a good idea, and telling them to put in on their own lists too.  I've thought about doing half birthdays instead of birthdays but I'm not sure DH's side of the family would go for it.  I'm not sure DH would go for it for that matter.  Maybe I can suggest more gift cards this year.  

[Tanaqui]

Can you suggest that your relatives pool their resources to get one big gift for all the kids to share on their birthday? With your older kids, can you maybe steer them towards asking for donations in their name to a certain charity?

 

Or how about you just level with your relatives? "I know you love the kids, but there are 297 aunts and uncles buying presents for four children, twice a year. That's a lot of stuff, and my house is not that big! This year, I want to try doing Secret Santa instead - it'd save our wallet, and also prevent us from having to rent a storage locker."