Need advice\hugs: dealing with severely depressed teen

[muttmomma]

My daughter is severely depressed. Looking back, I can see it happening but was too wrapped up in other things to notice the extent of it until I saw that she had started cutting.

 

Background: the past two years have been so hard. We've moved four times and ended up living with family for a year, which was so very stressful for us.

In addition to the family stress, her peer group got weird--cliquey and distant. A boy messed with her head in a major way, and we'll. .. She is 17.

 

So over the last year, and particularly the last six months, she stayed in her room alot. I let her because the living situation was stressful but I think the isolation made it was worse.

 

So now we have been trying to get help for about the last 4 1/2 months. Prozac made her terribly terribly sick. Her first two therapists were a bust.

She is now in week six of zoloft..Just going up to 100 mg from 50 starting today. So far no effect. She liked her 3rd therapist n but we just moved to different state so I'm trying to find a new one.

 

She hates the idea of therapy. Hates the idea of opening up, being vulnerable.

 

Before this depression, she told me everything. We could talk for hours, she valued my opinions etc.

 

Now she doesn't like me, blames me for her "shelteredness", mistakes my quirky goofiness for stupidity etc.

 

She literally is acting like the epitome of an angry spoiled teen. Very self centered. Soooo not her.

 

A huge party of what, imo, has made things worse over the last six months wad social media and music. She really got obsessed with twenty one pilots. While some of their music is about trying to overcome the depressing thoughts. .. She seems to have taken on the persona of what a lot of their followers are--depressed angry etc.

 

I just need help and hugs.

She is to a point of not wanting to get better. She admits to just wanting to wallow in "her crazy mind".

 

I am sick over this. She is (h as always been) sweet, loving, selfless, practical and optimistic. She is now the polar opposite of all of those.

[SquirrellyMama]

((Hugs)) We have been dealing with some of this with our 15 year old. I let her retreat to her room too much also. I was dealing with my more combative middle child. Therapy has really helped. She can talk with someone who won't judge her in anyway. I was as patient and kind as I could be, but there is so much emotion wrapped up in dealing with your kids.

 

I'm so sorry.

 

Kelly

[wapiti]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Has she been sick (physically) in the past couple of years?  (rabbit trail...)

[MooCow]

Sending you lots of hugs.

[mommyoffive]

I am just sending lots of hugs to and you and to her. 

[Home'scool]

So sorry you have to deal with this. That is such a hard age, especially if they feel like their friends and/or boys are letting them down. They want to naturally start to pull away from the family unit but without a friend group to start identifying with they can get "lost".

 

I went through this a bit with my youngest. Freshman year in high school was so bad for her. Her two best friends turned on her. She spent a lot of time in the house. She got hooked on watching those teen drama shows like Pretty Little Liars. I put an end to her watching those shows because I swear they added to her teen angst. She really stomped around about that decision but I stuck to my guns. Maybe limit how much your daughter listens to that depressing music.

 

My daughter eventually moved on to a new group of friends. That made a big difference. But while they are in the midst of all this it is hard to watch.

 

Just keep offering hugs, support and love.

Edited October 13, 2016 by Home'scool

[PrincessMommy]

Hugs and an encouragement to do something now before she turns 18. It might help if we roughly knew where you lived. Maybe someone here could recommend a good therapist.

 

I'm sorry the original med didn't work.

 

My daughter (who cut too) responded best with group therapy with other cutters. Not only could she talk about it in a group (less intimadating) but it did give her perspective on her family life. Some kids have it really tough and nonsupportive parents.

[bettyandbob]

No advice.

 

Ds is almost 22. We've dealt with a mix of issues, including depression for several years now. He hasn't had meds or therapy since he was 18. We had some really rough times.

 

I think things are getting better for him. He is due to finish college in a year. I'm bracing for more issues as he takes the step to figure out what to do after graduation.

 

My neighbor's DD is 24 and has had depression as her major diagnosis for 10 years. She does see a therapist and has found a drug therapy that is working right now. Neighbor has noted that some drug therapy works for a while and then a change needs to be made. It can be frustrating. She has never worked. In the last year she started taking a cc class each semester and in summer. She is also baby sitting my intellectually disabled teen once a week. This is big because she could never commit to a regular thing before. Her mom is next door and all they do is watch TV together. But it's still a step for her. The neighbor has worked on applying for full disability. She needed extensive records of diagnosis and treatment before age 18. I think things are improving for my neighbor too but very slowly.

 

Anyway this is a long road to be on. You may want to look at the resources NAMI offer too.

 

((Hugs))

[dirty ethel rackham]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this.  Depression is no picnic ... for the sufferers nor for those who love them.  I see where she is coming from about her reluctance to see a therapist.  Having opened up to so many only to either been disappointed in them or having to move is really, really hard.  It is difficult to open up to a therapist.  It is difficult to bring up all that pain and have to live in it.  But, it is necessary.  Is she being seen regularly by a psychiatrist who specializes in adolescents?  Regular followup is key, but often neglected.  Is she still cutting?  Are there support groups for people who cut? 

 

She may need something more than just a therapist and some meds.  If things are getting worse, can you get her evaluated for a partial inpatient program or intensive outpatient program, especially since she is so isolated and lacks social support.  (Not saying that you are not there for her, but since she seems to lack friends, she may feel very isolated since she may be desiring some independence from her mother, but not have anything to move forward with.)  We do have some good support for adolescents with mental illness in our town, all based out of a psychiatric hospital.  But, there are times when their programs are full. 

 

Do you have  NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) group nearby?  They often have resources and can help you navigate what is available. 

[bettyandbob]

The website is www.nami.org

 

This organization is a great resource.

[Veritaserum]

I'm so sorry. My oldest has struggled with mental health for the past six years. Isolation makes things worse, IME, and finding the right medication or combo of medication can take years. It's so frustrating. My child is now with a better therapist. This therapist only sees teens and children, which is important, IMO. Teens need a different approach from adults.

 

I hope you find better solutions with meds and therapy moving forward. It's so hard as a parent to deal with this and I'm sure it's hard as the teen as well.

[Veritaserum]

Also, we did an in patient stay last year and that put us on a better trajectory. It was a really difficult time for the whole family, but life is more stable on the other side.

[muttmomma]

Wow. It just helps to have said it out loud, so to speak. We don't have friends where we just moved yet, and back home. ..people were unsupportive in the worst ways. It's hard to deal with this on your own.

 

She was told to eliminate gluten, as celiac runs in the family and her antibody numbers for that were pretty high. We are just staying to do that in our new home. It was impossible living with family.

She has had leaky gut in the past. Her thyroid numbers were normal in May.

 

Depression runs on my side of the family, but I feel like hers was triggered by situational garbage.

 

She just isn't seeing clearly.

 

She is also restless about becoming an adult. She knows that we don't consider 18 to be some magical number. .But people always ask, "do where are you going to vollege?", or "have you decided what your doing after high school? ".

 

She had no clue what she wants, and we are okay with that, but it bothers her, i know

[muttmomma]

We are a little over an hour south west of Atlanta.

[NorthwestMom]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[happi duck]

(hugs)

[bettyandbob]

Wow. It just helps to have said it out loud, so to speak. We don't have friends where we just moved yet, and back home. ..people were unsupportive in the worst ways. It's hard to deal with this on your own.

 

She was told to eliminate gluten, as celiac runs in the family and her antibody numbers for that were pretty high. We are just staying to do that in our new home. It was impossible living with family.

She has had leaky gut in the past. Her thyroid numbers were normal in May.

 

Depression runs on my side of the family, but I feel like hers was triggered by situational garbage.

 

She just isn't seeing clearly.

 

She is also restless about becoming an adult. She knows that we don't consider 18 to be some magical number. .But people always ask, "do where are you going to vollege?", or "have you decided what your doing after high school? ".

 

She had no clue what she wants, and we are okay with that, but it bothers her, i know

My ds I mentioned above has celiac as does his sister. My house is gluten free but I know ds is not vigilant about his diet and will deny having celiac if asked. I think it definitely interferes with brain function.

[Alicia64]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Sending hugs. I wouldn't leave her alone too much.

 

Just me (and I can only go on what you've said here): I would do movie-therapy. Lots of upper films where the people come out on top.

 

For older teens/not kids:

 

Fly Away Home

Private Benjamin

On a Clear Day You Can See Forever

Run Lola Run

Ground Hog Day

Some Like it Hot

Life is Beautiful

ET -- if she hasn't seen it.

 

The Dr. Who British TV show starting with the 2005 version.

 

I'd make a thing about sitting down w/ hot chocolate and popcorn and watching a move a day under the heading "moving is hard."

 

I hope you don't think I'm devaluing what you're going through --  it sounds heart wrenching.

 

Alley

 

 

[muttmomma]

I also noticed that she started getting acne . Not huge cystic type, but small and all over her face. Not unusual for some teens, but unusual for her, historically.

 

This seemed to pop up about two months ago. .. right around the time that everything came to a head.

[ondreeuh]

SSRIs like Prozac and Zoloft can make some people much worse.

 

If she is anywhere close to crisis, I would locate a good inpatient program and take her to their ER for a screening. They will probably only admit her if they decide that she is currently in crisis aka a threat to herself. A good inpatient program will thoroughly run diagnostics on her (bloodwork, EKG, interviews) so try to suss out the major issues. For example, major irritability (which it sounds like she has from your description) and cutting are both red flags for bipolar disorder, which is treated better with mood stabilizers than SSRIs.

 

I know the feeling of trying to get good help and spinning in circles. An inpatient program is the best way to break free of that if things are getting bad - and if she is actively cutting, then it's already bad.

 

<3

Edited October 15, 2016 by ondreeuh

[treestarfae]

Hormonal problems could cause mood issues. Any genetic problems with hormones? Stress can lower progesterone and cause imbalance and effect brain chemistry.

[muttmomma]

I actually took her in to a mental hospital one night, but they did not think she was a danger to herself.

 

She isn't cutting right now, but is struggling greatly, which can turn into cutting quickly.

 

Night time is worse for her, but she strongly resists melatonin or any other sleep aid.

[Terabith]

Even the most mentally stable teen would struggle with repeated moves. Moving as a teen is extremely traumatic, and these circumstances, where you just start to trust someone and move again, would make many kids sort of give up. Are you going to be able to stay put for awhile? The lack of friends and peers are so painful at that age.

[JumpyTheFrog]

I'd work really hard on avoiding gluten then. Some people seem to have primarily mental symptoms rather than GI. While nobody in my family has ever been depressed, my dad, brother, and I all noticed improvement in mood when we went off gluten. My dad and brother inparticular became less irritable.

Edited October 16, 2016 by HoppyTheToad

[JumpyTheFrog]

In addition, if she has celiac her ability to absorb nutrients will be decreased until her GI system heals. Deficiencies of various vitamin and minerals could make symptoms worse. Perhaps she needs iron and B12.

[GoodGrief]

I get it. I had a depressed teen, who is now a depressed-but-improving adult.

 

In the end for us, it took a huge crisis, her almost-successful suicide attempt, that forced her into intense therapy (inpatient for about 3 months). She was always fairly open to therapy . I know that moving around and changing therapists would have been difficult for her as a younger teen.

 

I encourage you to keep encouraging her to participate in mental health treatment. I do realize though that there is only so much you can do if she refuses. Motivation can be tough to find in the midst of depression.

[Janeway]

I would have her get a full evaluation from both a doctor and a psychologist. The evaluation with the doctor should last a few days and run many tests. Family doctors like throwing antidepressants at people without a real diagnosis. But it is important to have a real one.

[maize]

When looking for a good psychiatrist you can also consider psychiatric nurse practitioners--sometimes they are able to take more time with a patient to really listen and get a good grasp on the individual situations. Psychiatrists around here have crazy patient loads.