Christine B Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Our oldest DD turns 3 on the 22nd, and the twins will be 10 months old on the 22nd as well. I've been feeling super tired the past week, very nauseous the last 2 days. I just took a pregnancy test while my daughter is in dance class. I think it was positive. One line was lighter, but very, very much there. I'm extremely scared to tell my husband. He doesn't want any more kids. I did want 4 total, but I wanted to have the 4th when the twins were 2 or 3...if I am pregnant they will be 18 months when this one comes. My Dr. doesnt know how we were able to have our daughter. He said when we tried to get pregnant the second time our chances of conceiving over a year are less than 1%. I haven't ovulated on my own in 3 years and 9 months (when I got pregnant with our oldest). We had to use fertility treatments after her (which I can only assume is how we ended up with twins). I'm not supposed to be able to get pregnant. I don't know how this happened (well, I do, but it wasn't supposed to). I'm sorry I'm freaking out here. I'm so scared to tell my husband and what he's going to say. I have no idea how I am going to handle having another baby when the twins are so young. Someone please tell me it will be ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 :grouphug: The first thing you need to do is to get an actual blood test to find out for sure. :grouphug: :grouphug: 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 (edited) Sounds like it's the unknown that really scares you right now. As Jean says, have your doctor run tests first. THEN go on from there. You can't do anything, really, until you're certain and an OTC preggo test is not always 100% accurate. Go see your doctor. AND...if it turns out you ARE pregnant, don't be afraid to tell your husband. You are partners in this. It takes two, remember? :001_cool: Edited October 6, 2016 by scrapbookbuzz 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Scared for your safety scared or figure of speech worried for him to freak out along with you over logistics? :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine B Posted October 6, 2016 Author Share Posted October 6, 2016 (edited) Scared for your safety scared or figure of speech worried for him to freak out along with you over logistics? :grouphug: Not scared for my safety. Just that he's going to be upset/mad/disappointed and be angry with me; and that something that could be a happy (although very surprising) event is going to be...quite the opposite, I guess. Filled with lots of crying. Edited October 6, 2016 by Christine B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 I tell my husband if he doesn't want babies he can be entirely responsible for the birth control or just plain not have sex. His choice. Otherwise he is equally responsible for the outcome. I know you're freaking out right now but one thing to remember is that you're not having a baby today, if you're indeed pregnant. When the baby is born your twins will likely be walking and able to help feeds themselves, your older kiddo will be doing more independent play, and you'll have had ten months or so to get life in order and for you and your husband to get used to this mentally. A lot can change and adjust in ten months, and it does. Twins are hard and I'm sure you're both mentally exhausted over it. The good news is that time does pass and things DO get easier as they age. That first year is tough, but you're not adding a baby tomorrow :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 (edited) (Hugs). I agree with seeing a doctor asap, but also telling your DH asap. Urine pregnancy tests are not usually wrong if they are positive, unless you are on hcg medicine or very rare conditions. I'm sorry the situation is that you expect your DH to be angry. Do you think you are to blame for it? Of course you don't have to explain to us, but if there is a valid reason your DH would be upset (lying to him about contraception or chances of conceiving or w/e), I'd be upfront and honest and discuss it with him as best you can. But I'd also realize that what's done is done and move forward the best you can. ETA - if there is no reason to blame you more than him for the pregnancy, I'd definitely not feel guilty if I were you. As others said, he is just as responsible as you. Set up another support person or two to help you out, in case your DH is not supportive right away. Also consider logistics, like planning for new baby. Try to make amends by thinking about your and DH's viewpoints together to come up with good solutions to potential problems. I wish you all the best! Edited October 6, 2016 by displace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okra Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 It's okay to freak out, really! But, if you are pregnant, you will adjust, and you will make things work. It really really WILL be okay! So, wait a few days, take another pregnancy test, and then know that you will have many months to get used to this idea. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Not scared for my safety. Just that he's going to be upset/mad/disappointed and be angry with me; and that something that could be a happy (although very surprising) event is going to be...quite the opposite, I guess. Filled with lots of crying. I'm sorry. But how can he be angry or disappointed with YOU. Last time I heard, it took two to procreate. If he engages, well, he knows consequences exist and you seem to be extremely fertile. Find out for sure first. And if you are having another baby, I wish you the best. Sometimes I wish I could, but those days are over now. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine B Posted October 6, 2016 Author Share Posted October 6, 2016 (Hugs). I agree with seeing a doctor asap, but also telling your DH asap. Urine pregnancy tests are not usually wrong if they are positive, unless you are on hcg medicine or very rare conditions. I'm sorry the situation is that you expect your DH to be angry. Do you think you are to blame for it? Of course you don't have to explain to us, but if there is a valid reason your DH would be upset (lying to him about contraception or chances of conceiving or w/e), I'd be upfront and honest and discuss it with him as best you can. But I'd also realize that what's done is done and move forward the best you can. ETA - if there is no reason to blame you more than him for the pregnancy, I'd definitely not feel guilty if I were you. As others said, he is just as responsible as you. Set up another support person or two to help you out, in case your DH is not supportive right away. Also consider logistics, like planning for new baby. Try to make amends by thinking about your and DH's viewpoints together to come up with good solutions to potential problems. I wish you all the best! No lying. We discussed me going off of hormonal BC a while ago (it messed with me so badly), and started using FAM. Went months with no ovulation and ridiculously messed up cycles, and given our odds from our doctor, we honestly didn't think it would ever happen. And, we only "did the deed" twice over the last month. We knew that it *could* happen after I quit BC, but neither of us thought it would. When were discussing FAM, he asked, "So the worst that will happen doing this is we'll have another baby?" I told him yes, and he was totally ok knowing it may happen. He's made it clear though that he doesn't want more (getting rid of baby stuff, telling other people we're done, etc.), so I'm not sure how he'll react - if he'll still be ok with it or upset now that it happened and isn't a 1% chance. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Not scared for my safety. Just that he's going to be upset/mad/disappointed and be angry with me; and that something that could be a happy (although very surprising) event is going to be...quite the opposite, I guess. Filled with lots of crying. Remind him that the alternative would have been abstinence. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 No lying. We discussed me going off of hormonal BC a while ago (it messed with me so badly), and started using FAM. Went months with no ovulation and ridiculously messed up cycles, and given our odds from our doctor, we honestly didn't think it would ever happen. And, we only "did the deed" twice over the last month. We knew that it *could* happen after I quit BC, but neither of us thought it would. When were discussing FAM, he asked, "So the worst that will happen doing this is we'll have another baby?" I told him yes, and he was totally ok knowing it may happen. He's made it clear though that he doesn't want more (getting rid of baby stuff, telling other people we're done, etc.), so I'm not sure how he'll react - if he'll still be ok with it or upset now that it happened and isn't a 1% chance. I think, given his statement and full knowledge of the risk of pregnancy, I would feel fine about telling him. If he were truly not wanting another child he could have taken precautions. I would mentally try to ignore his previous statements about not having more kids and getting rid of things and hope the news will have him react in a supportive way. I'd also phrase statements when telling him like pp mentioned: tell him you're nervous to tell him some news because you're worried he'll be angry, you were not expecting this either and everyone truly thought it wasn't possible, you need his emotional support, nothing is 100% guaranteed, etc. I'd also try to take a second test for confirmation in case something funny is up with the test. But if you're nauseous and tired... Good luck! I hope he acts in a great way for you, or at least the shock wears off quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 I don't see how he can be angry. He could have taken precautions if he really didn't want more. Basically, he took the word of your doctor. Medicine is not exact science. That said you'll do this just fine. The next few years will be a blur, but your family will be great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Unless you've been poking holes in condoms or lying to him about using BC, he has absolutely no reason to get angry with you! Early pregnancy hormones make me nuts. Like nutsier than usual nuts. :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonhawk Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 It will be okay. :) Let's try to frame this as the best timing possible: at least this is happening when the younger kids are young. Easier to hold onto the baby stuff for an extra year or two than feel like you need to "start all over" when your kids are 4 :) And obviously any kid conceived with a >1% possibility is someone worth meeting, talk about determined and a go-getter from the start :) It may be a shock to him, as it was to you (and he doesn't have the subtle signs that clued you in to take the test in the first place, so a bigger shock for him probably). He'll cope. It will be easier as time goes on and you both have time to frame it. And it seems you aren't 4 or 5 months and just figuring it out, so you have plenty of framing time. I was in similar shoes a few months ago. My DH wants more kids, and we are always open to it, but it was a "surprise", especially after I was laid off and there were changes to his work as well. He's been pretty happy with only momentary panic attacks, lol. You will both be fine, your family will be fine, and it will all be okay! :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Not scared for my safety. Just that he's going to be upset/mad/disappointed and be angry with me; and that something that could be a happy (although very surprising) event is going to be...quite the opposite, I guess. Filled with lots of crying. HUGS mama. He might surprise you. I expected my husband to be completely freaked out and maybe even upset about a couple of ours. I was thrilled but worried and terrified. He actually handled things quite well. This last one, he just laughed. I think there's a part of the male vanity that can't help but get a thrill of excitement that his swimmers made it yet again, haha. ;). I'm with ArcticMama -- if your DH really doesn't want more children, he needs to take some responsibility for prevention, and even so, he needs to realize that nothing is 100% sure except abstinence, and most guys don't want to do that. You certainly didn't make a baby on your own. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendy not in HI Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 It's going to be okay. You can do this. With each pregnancy I have felt panic and fear and a feeling that I just can't do it. And I think that's why we get 9 months to prepare. I think it's pretty normal to have a few days or even weeks without feeling blissfully happy while pregnant. (I'm not sure that I ever got to the blissful part...) Hugs to you! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine B Posted October 6, 2016 Author Share Posted October 6, 2016 Thank you, everyone. I was able to get in at our clinic for a test this afternoon to confirm. Our last clinic required a pregnancy test through them before they would schedule an appt., the one we're at now said they only need a positive HPT, as long as it's not one that was picked up for $0.88, according to the nurse. But I asked for them to test me anyways. It's official. They only did a urine test though. First visit will be at the end of the month when they will do bloodwork and an ultrasound. Now to tell DH...not sure when or how. With our first he was convinced I was pregnant before I even thought of taking a test, so that was easy. Maybe when he gets home from work tonight after the others go to bed. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Kate Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 You CAN do this!!! And congratulations!!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 I have twins: I know how hard it is. I think you've totally got this because you've been through a single, and twins, and now a single again. You know what you're doing. After twins, a single will seem like a snap. Plus, on the "up" side, I have friends who had one, then twins, and waited several years before having another. Now the kids can't play together and the olders avoid the younger like the plague. Yours will have friends for life. Alley 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Congratulations!! You can do this. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Congratulations! You can do it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 You can do it, and I have seen those reluctant parents come around quite spectacularly when there isn't any choice. I think he needs to get the Big V, lol, if he wants to be sure of no more kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 I really hope he takes it well. I know it sounds very stressful, but children are such a blessing! Happy for your family :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 You can do it, and I have seen those reluctant parents come around quite spectacularly when there isn't any choice. I think he needs to get the Big V, lol, if he wants to be sure of no more kids.Yup!! And even that it's not 100%. There's a low percentage, but it happens...babies can still come after big Vs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Congratulations! I will be praying for you both as you tell him. If he doesn't respond in a stellar way, try to be patient. But if he knows that you feel very vulnerable and alone without his support, he may come aboard more quickly. With one of my pregnancies, it took dh a little longer to be happy about it. Time made a difference, and he has a special relationship with that child. :grouphug: As for later--try not to take on the care of that baby till it gets here. Then you go into the "babies are what I do right now" mode. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 I think your idea of waiting until the others go to bed is smart. OH and you can totally do this. The babies will be so much different in 9 months. And wow in a few years it will be so awesome because they are so close in age they will be able to play together. Congrats! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrittanyM Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Congratulations! It is okay not to be excited for right now. I hope your DH will take the news well! I liked the pp idea of broaching the subject with a reminder to him to be supportive and sensitive! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Congratulations!! It will all be ok. What about giving him a little hint with dinner? Baby potatoes, baby carrots, baby corn, baby peas.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Yes, you can do this! I had four kids in four years, including a set of twins. It was a wild, crazy ride, but so much fun, looking back on it now. Those kids are now 20, 20, 18, and 16, and I have lived to tell the tale. Plus I went on to have two more. Enjoy the wild ride! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 You can do it! Congratulations! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoseInABook Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 You can for sure do this thing. I had 4 kids in just under 4 years (and now have baby twins). It was hard sometimes but it's honestly so very worth it! I don't regret the spacing in my bio kids at all. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 I know EXACTLY how you feel about telling DH. I had that happen with my 3rd. We had money issues, and were in the midst of remodeling our house after a flood. I didn't even have a kitchen...it' was crazy. But he took it well. I mean, he wasn't happy, but he also knew enough to know it wasn't my fault and so he just swallowed hard, and said "well then." And I know he was trying to talk himself into being calm, but he managed. And then my daughter climbed on his lap and he sighed and said, "well, I love this one, so I'm sure I'll love the next one too." Seriously, it will be okay. He may need time, but I can say that as stressed as he was at first, he actually ended up MORE excited about that baby by the time he was born than with the one we planned. Truth. Hugs mama. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okra Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 Congratulations! You have nine months to adjust and prepare. It WILL be okay! I have kids all smashed together. There are benefits and detriments to everything. But, there are benefits to having them close together. First of all, it's nice that generally, they all are in the same age range to enjoy things. My children are really close in their relationships, and I think some of that comes from being close in age. Your oldest may enjoy having another child to pair up with that is not one of the twins. They could become very close. You WILL make it through your pregnancy and the first year. After that, everything becomes so much easier! Just because it will be hard doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing. :) Don't worry, I freaked out too when my children were very close, but they are such a wonderful blessing. Hugs and Congratulations 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Hang in there. I know you are feeling a lot of stress. You really can do this. Telling DH will be the first hurdle (AFTER you know for certain, maybe). If he gets upset, look him square in the eye and firmly remind him that you didn't run out and buy a baby at Walmart behind his back. It took both of you to create this baby, not one. And in the long run they will all be so close in age that hopefully they will enjoy having siblings close in age, not staggered over a long stretch. FWIW, I have had many friends that had unexpected pregnancies. I'll share one story: This couple were staunch career types. She had been told she could not have children. He never intended to have kids so that was fine by him. She got pregnant with twins. When the twins were three months old the husband was frantically trying to change the babies' diapers while his wife was in the restroom. They had to drop the babies off with grandma before heading to work. She secretly took a pregnancy test because things felt off...Yep, pregnant. She reluctantly went in to tell her husband, the guy who never wanted kids in the first place. He fainted. :blink: Fast forward 16 years. Happy family, kids are in High School, parents are both very glad for all three. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 (edited) Not scared for my safety. Just that he's going to be upset/mad/disappointed and be angry with me; and that something that could be a happy (although very surprising) event is going to be...quite the opposite, I guess. Filled with lots of crying. Oh sweetie. He might be shocked and upset.....but he has to own that. It can't be your 'fault' anymore than it is his 'fault'. You have done nothing for anyone to be upset about. Find out for sure. And if it is positive.....congrats! What a joy. :). Signed Scarlett ( mother of an only who wanted more) Edited October 6, 2016 by Scarlett 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 I have twins: I know how hard it is. I think you've totally got this because you've been through a single, and twins, and now a single again. You know what you're doing. After twins, a single will seem like a snap. Plus, on the "up" side, I have friends who had one, then twins, and waited several years before having another. Now the kids can't play together and the olders avoid the younger like the plague. Yours will have friends for life. Alley Or it could be twins again. At this point there is not that much you can do (I am assuming abortion is not an option from what you have said). You both took the risk, you are botn responsible and you botb get a baby to love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 My grandma survived twins, a singleton a year later, then another set of twins a year after that. She survived, you will too :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlessedMom Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 Congratulations!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Christine B Posted October 7, 2016 Author Popular Post Share Posted October 7, 2016 So, I told DH last night. You guys, I feel so, so, so ridiculous. He laughed. Asked if I was joking, laughed some more, said he thought it was impossible, and laughed again. He's happy! Well, he told me this morning that his first reaction was more of a "what the heck" response, but he's been thinking about it all night and this morning and keeps getting more excited. He said the timing is less than convenient, but there's nothing we can do about it now and he could either be upset and ruin a great thing or roll with it and be happy. I told him I thought he didn't want more kids, and he said that he didn't, but there's no way he's not going to love this one just as much as the others. Leave it to him to surprise me. I think I was so nervous b/c he's been working 50-60 hours a week recently, we've been working on saving money, and we've really been getting on each other's nerves and fighting a LOT recently...so that probably clouded my judgement on how he would react. Now we are just praying for a healthy baby in 2017! 51 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 AWWW! I had a feeling it would turn out that way! I told you, the one I was most nervous about telling DH about, he ended up being the most excited for. Go figure! Congratulations mama! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 Aw, that makes me smile! :001_wub: Way OT, but it reminds me of one time I got a traffic ticket (only time, btw, and it was 30 years ago). I had gone to pick up my baby from a friend's--she was keeping him while I had an appointment, and I was rushing back because I knew he would be hungry when I was stopped. When I got to her house, I burst into tears. She was so sweet and concerned, and asked, "Will dh be mad?" I tearfully said, "No, he'll laugh!" (I was and am a terrible backseat driver, so it would be a delight on his part to see me stopped.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 Awww, I'm so glad he reacted that way. :) Congratulations! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 Yay! Love that it was a happy day for you guys. Congrats again! I hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months. You can do this!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RioSamba Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 Congratulations! I'm so glad DH stepped up for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 Aww, I had a feeling he'd handle it just fine -- glad he did! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 That's awesome!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrittanyM Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 So glad it went so well and your DH is excited! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted October 7, 2016 Share Posted October 7, 2016 Congratulations! And so happy that telling dh want well. You can do this. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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