school time discipline

[lgliser]

Does anyone have an awesome discipline system for school time? I don't have as many issues outside of school time, but during school is another story.

The kids are about to turn 10. I feel like things are getting out of control. I tell them to quiet down and they just don't! Not until I lose it and yell. Then they look at me like I need a serious chill pill.

 

I know that somehow this is my fault! Like I haven't used harsh enough consequences. I don't demand first time obedience... etc. 

 

When I try to think of a system, like a 3 strikes and then a punishment, or something like that, I think that those 3 strikes would happen so fast!

 

Right now I"m thinking of when I was in school. We'd get our name on the board and that's a warning. Then the first check is something, second something else, and third is something major.  I'm trying to think of what checks could be worth though.  DH suggests extra chores. I think maybe writing some sentences or something, or ... what else?

 

Or do you have another idea altogether?

[Shred Betty]

I am sure this is a terrible idea but it seems to get my daughter to snap to attention... Sometimes :) I make the point that if she doesn't want to learn I won't waste my time waiting and sitting there I have plenty of better uses for my time. As soon as get up and leave the room she seems to refocus.... Also sometimes I have to give us all a break and she goes to her room for a bit for quiet time. She looks forward to play time with me daily and if I spend too much time on school and she had been misbehaving, I don't feel too bad saying I'm too busy to play today - if she hadn't had so much wasted time during school, I wouldn't have so much wasted time either. She's 7, so probably quite different.

[lanalouwho]

Possible consequences:

Strike one - a warning

Strike two - an extra chore

Strike three - no screen time

 

 

On a different thread someone mentioned setting a timer for each subject. The work that doesn't get finished in their lesson time gets assigned as 'homework' and must be completed during their free time.

 

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[Rachel]

Would getting some exercise before you start school help? When my kids just can't focus we go for a walk or have them do jumping jacks. I know your issue is a little different but it may help.

[happypamama]

Exercise and breaks and short lessons. And snacks. But also, if my kids are really not focusing and making it too hard for me to teach, I will close the book or whatever and just sit quietly, no explanation. (I've done this while driving too, just pulled over and sat with no talking.). That usually gets the point across. I also will start over with whatever I'm reading if they are talking.

 

And if one child really just won't get with the program, I send that child out and refuse to work with him any more that day. If I don't work with them, they can't finish their work, which means they have extra to do the next day, and all work has to be done if they want screens on the weekend.

[happypamama]

Also, even (especially) my older ones like fidgets to keep their hands busy. This helps them focus.

[Tenaj]

If I have a kid being particularly disruptive, they get to run to our barn and back at least once, sometimes more than once depending on what's going on.  I have one child who likes to argue about whether he should have to run to the barn so whenever he argues I add a trip.  He got up to five one time last week :)  Barn is about 50 yards from our house so it's not really that far but gives them some fresh air.

 

Other than that, I use screen time except for one kid, my 8 yods who is very sensitive and freaks out easily about discipline for some reason.  He usually chooses jumping jacks rather than running  but if he's in a real melt-down mode, I feed him a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk  and send him to his room to read for a bit.  That usually works.

 

Other than that, they have a checklist of work that should be done each day and they aren't done with school until it's done so that's usually enough motivation for them.

 

Oh, if someone is just being generally distracting over and over, they have to go work by themselves somewhere.  I'm not sure why this is such a horrible punishment for my kids but it is.  We all work around the dining room table and if they get sent away to a different desk or table it usually doesn't take very long before they are begging to return to the main table and the distracting behavior is gone for a long time.

[Guest]

If it's just some fidgeting or attitude issues I first try jumping jacks, a bathroom break or snack, and sometimes seitching to a craft or puzzle for a bit (play doh, beading while I read, or even painting can be so therapeutic and a nice break).

 

If it's deeper than that, like real defiance or disobedience that isn't situational, I tend to have one kid proceed in their schoolwork while I take the other one out for a talk and possibly a change of scenery too. Sometimes a recess, nap, or time reading alone can give them a reset. I also take mommy breaks as needed because sometimes my attitude is poor and I'm not as patient as I should be, even as a responsible adult. We are not opposed to physical discipline and chores and such, but I really try to use it as a last resort. When I jump to that first I often miss the simpler fixes that help all of us to have a good attitude and enjoy our time more. But when it's clearly someone being a jerk for lack of a better word, we will institute more traditional consequences.

 

98% of the time that isn't needed, especially with a third grader or older. I try to think about something more relaxing, energizing, or problem solving with them and often let them brainstorm solutions with me to find something helpful.

[Garga]

Before anything else I check for two things:

 

Are they getting enough sleep?

 

My ds11 gets a little over 10 hours a night. If he gets 9 or less, he's off his game and not easy to work with.

 

Are you connecting with them? A lot? Deliberately? WIth smiles?

 

I make sure to greet them each morning with lots of hugs and attention. Before we start a class, I make sure to first connect with them with another hug or smile or comment not about school. Like this,

 

"Ok, guys now that lunch is done, give me some hugs. Hey, let's pet the cat for a while! ... Ok, grab your math book and we'll get started."

 

While teaching, I make sure to smile (I can forget to do that.). There also might be pauses in the middle of teaching to ruffle some hair or put a hand on a shoulder if I can see they're losing focus.

 

Those are the first steps. Sleep and an avalanche of connection. If they are tired and don't feel connected to me, things don't go so well. There are more steps that everyone else is covering in their posts, but sleep and connection can go a long way.

Edited October 4, 2016 by Garga

[Kiara.I]

I've sent kids outside to run before.  Sometimes it helps.

 

This is the one I just came up with and want to try:

Take one small bowl/jar per child, and put in 30 M&Ms (or candy of choice, something small.)  Every time they irritate me enough, I self-medicate by eating one M&M from their bowl.  This could be total distraction, could be poking a sibling, could be yelling at me or refusing to do work, whatever.  Anything that saps my energy.

And at the end of the day, they can have the M&Ms that are left in their bowl.

 

They're excited to try it.  Silly children...

[fralala]

I do not.

 

But my belief is:

 

I must never use education as punishment. So not writing (not even writing "I will always respect my parents" 30 times, HA!, not extra math problems, and so forth.) In fact, I should never use anything I ever want my children to choose to do willingly as punishment. So for us, that rules out chores, too.

 

As much as possible, I should avoid getting hung up on disciplining things during school time when I sense that the kids are hoping that I will be distracted from the lesson!

 

I know this is not everybody's way of doing things, but I've found that when I'm struggling with something involving the kids it helps to sit down during our free time and for me to present the problem I'm having and ask them to help me brainstorm things we could do to solve it. The key is just to neutrally write down all ideas and not react, whether I say something like "I could just hide in the bathroom and pull all my hair out" or the kids say "We could never, ever do math again!") Because usually, if we all get to suggesting things, ultimately the kids will put a few things out there that I didn't realize or think of, things that might not be possible but get me thinking. (For instance, one of my kids is all sass and pouting if we do math first thing in the morning, but if we wait until right before dinner, does it enthusiastically, which I would never have guessed without her suggesting it.) Maybe your kids will be able to come up with even better ideas for solving this problem than we can. And I view this as one of the hardest and most important parts of my job as parent/teacher-- teaching my kids how to maintain relationships and get along with other people, when ultimately we can only truly control our own behavior.

[73349]

Before trying consequences, I try to see where the problem is coming from. Were we in "play" mode, and then it's hard to settle back in? In that case, I may need a better routine for that transition. Has school been going on so long that a child is really tired of working and motivated to create a distraction? That child needs to be sent to do something else for a few minutes. Etc.

 

An ounce of prevention...