Teacher makes unkind remark to another kid...

[Janie Grace]

My ds9 told me today that his new art teacher isn't very nice. She doesn't compliment the kids' art, for example, and rarely smiles. Then he told me that she told a boy in the class that his hair looks like girls's hair (it's a little long/shaggy in the back). To be clear -- the boy with the long-ish hair is NOT my son, he's my son's friend. My son is upset because he feels that the teacher was unkind to say that. 

 

This is really bugging me. I'm upset to think of a teacher making any comment about a child's appearance (except something benign like "I like your shirt"). If it were my child, I'd be livid. I just need to let this go, right? I don't mention it to the kid's parent or principal or anything, right? I think I tend to overreact (probably still adjusting to not being my kids' only teacher) so I am trying to be self-suspicious. But like I said... this is really bugging me. :(

Edited September 11, 2016 by Janie Grace

[OneStepAtATime]

I would be concerned and keep an ear out for additional issues. Not every teacher is going to be awesome and it is kind of luck of the draw who a child gets. Learning to adapt to different teaching styles and personalities is just part of the process.

 

That being said, teachers are in a position of authority and can cause a lot of emotional harm. If the teacher continues to make unkind comments I would consider taking some sort of action. The action I would take would depend on exactly what was happening at that time.

[happymom4]

I would be concerned and keep an ear out for additional issues. Not every teacher is going to be awesome and it is kind of luck of the draw who a child gets. Learning to adapt to different teaching styles and personalities is just part of the process.

 

That being said, teachers are in a position of authority and can cause a lot of emotional harm. If the teacher continues to make unkind comments I would consider taking some sort of action. The action I would take would depend on exactly what was happening at that time.

 Agree. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

There is research that says that kids don't need to be complimented on their work all the time and that it can even be harmful to their motivation to do so.  I think that is a non-issue.  And teachers have many different personalities and not all kids click with all teachers.  Again, a non-issue in my opinion.

 

The comment should be addressed by the actual child's parent if the child was even bothered by it. 

[Zinnia]

A couple of years ago, a child of mine was in public school, and I volunteered up there a good bit.  I overheard a teacher make a really snarky comment to a child in my presence and that of another adult.  She didn't really know me, and it concerned me that she would make the comment in front of a stranger like that.

 

I opted to write her an anonymous letter in longhand (to reassure her that the letter wouldn't get forwarded/copied/blind copied).  I have no idea if it made a difference, but I felt better having said something.  And i like to think that it at least made her think about how she treated her students.  

[Reefgazer]

Yes, let it go. 

Edited September 11, 2016 by reefgazer

[justasque]

 

The comment should be addressed by the actual child's parent if the child was even bothered by it. 

 

I think the comment is all kinds of wrong - for the child in question, for the girls in the room (as if girl's hair was somehow bad?), for the boys in the room (as if they were supposed to have "boy's hair", whatever that is), and for the kids in general (because commenting negatively on someone's appearance is not appropriate, and the teacher is supposed to be modeling appropriate behavior to impressionable children).  

 

Not knowing the circumstances in which the comment was made, I don't know whether it's worth talking to admin about.  However, I do think it's a good idea to 1) talk, a lot, with your child about what to do when someone in authority does something inappropriate and/or hurtful (there are a lot of choices there to talk through), and 2) consider mentioning it to the child's parent, if you have a relationship with them, so that they can have whatever discussion they feel may be appropriate and/or necessary with their child.

[gardenmom5]

Honestly?  I'd  tell the kids parents.  I'd also complain to the school.

 

You can't imagine the damage that type of teacher can cause a child.  I can assure you - he's not the only one this teacher is making such "comments" towards, and he won't be the last.

 

eta: I have made such reports to the school - this is the only way admin usually will learn about this stuff.  my instance was an adult (not sure if she was paid or volunteer) crossing guard was telling a child to hurry up and cross and stop being so slow.  I was front of the line - so I had a front row seat to all of it.  including the little girl who was walking normally for a SIX YEAR OLD.  she wasn't pokey, but this woman wasn't happy until she was practically running while carrying her things.  I did call the school - and never saw the woman  again. 

 

adults are in a position of power and authority over children - and such behavior can harm children.  it can also make *other* children think they can engage in the same type of behavior towards  the child the teacher is singling out.

Edited September 11, 2016 by gardenmom5

[magnificent_baby]

I would let it go for now, but use it as an example for your child of how not to treat someone. 

 

I would casually pull aside the principal though at the next parent teacher conferences and let him/her know about it. 

 

I love our district but get upset from time to time; I do pick my battles though in case something "bigger" comes up.