Do you clean your child's room?

[teachermom2834]

I visited ds at his college for the first time today. There were other parents visiting over the long weekend as well. I found other moms cleaning dorm rooms and doing laundry. It would never have occurred to me to clean my ds room. I really didn't even want to see it. I also would not do his laundry on campus. I don't like cleaning so I wouldn't want to do it. I would also feel I was violating ds and his roomate's privacy I guess.

 

I started wondering how common this is. How many moms here clean dorm rooms? I really am not judging at all. I can totally see that being a love language kind of thing. I took my ds and his suitemates homemade cookies and cupcakes and cases of water. When ds comes home I'll happily do any laundry he brings. So I get doing acts of service to show love and support. Just wondered if I am being weird by not cleaning dorm rooms.

[maize]

My mom never saw my dorm rooms, but she cleans and cooks meals anytime she comes for a visit so I vote not strange--just a mom being a mom and helping out where she is able.

 

I also don't think you are strange at all for not cleaning. Folks are different, priorities are different, relationships are different.

[*LC]

When I was in college, I remember the mothers of roommates on my hall cleaned their bathroom floor with toothbrushes at move in. They also painted the room. 

 

It would never dawn on me, but every one is different. 

[EKS]

There is *no way* in a million years that I would clean my adult son's room.

[TammyS]

It would never occur to me.

 

I did once clean my son's room at home, but it was such a pigsty that I threw most things in the trash and boxed up the good stuff and stuck it in the attic.

[Julie of KY]

It would never occur to me to clean my child's dorm room, nor have I ever heard of or seen anyone else do it.

 

Not saying that it's a bad thing, just wouldn't occur to me.

 

[Pawz4me]

No. Dorm room (and now an off campus apartment) = his responsibility.

[Guest]

I lysol all surfaces on move in. I vacuum after he takes the last load to pack in the vehicle on move-out. I do not clean anything any other time.

[Lori D.]

No. DS has been solo responsible to clean his room and bathroom here at home since about age 12.

 

Acts of service IS my love language, and I would never have stepped on DS's independence (or embarrassed him) by trying to clean his dorm room.  :blushing: I think doing that would be FAR more like to embarrass or hurt a student -- almost like it's saying you don't feel the student is really an adult, or can make their own decisions about how to live in their own space, or doesn't clean "the right way" (i.e. "mom's way"). Yikes -- no!

 

We did help carry stuff up to his room, and carry it back down on move-in and move out days, but that is general helpfulness and everybody does that. Cleaning (or not cleaning ;) ) was all up to DS and his roomie.

Edited September 5, 2016 by Lori D.

[Sneezyone]

No, no and no! DD is 11 and DS is 8, and I do not clean their rooms. DD does her own laundry (although we occasionally fold to speed things along). DS is the only one who still has his laundry washed, dried and folded (although he, too, is learning how to wash) and that's only because he always puts it away without complaint and into the laundry bucket where it belongs. I cannot fathom doing that for a college student. Now, a new mom/dad? Sure!

Edited September 5, 2016 by Sneezyone

[Gwen in VA]

I knew a mom (mother of my college kid's friend -- the mom and I stayed in lookse contact for a while) who spent parents' weekend doing the college kid's laundry. I asked about it, and she had a long list of reasons that was best summed up as "love language".

 

Doing laundry is NOT my love language, so I don't get it, but different strokes for different folks I guess!

Edited September 5, 2016 by Gwen in VA

[The Girls' Mom]

Nope.  I don't clean their rooms at home, and I definitely don't plan to clean their dorms.  Two of my kids are pretty clean on their own, and the third's bedroom is too scary to attempt.  :lol:

 

Edited September 5, 2016 by The Girls' Mom

[SemiSweet]

There is no way I would do that.  I do, however, go through and organize their stuff every time we move, about every 3 years, mostly because the movers will actually pack trash if it's there.

[teachermom2834]

Thanks everyone. I do want to note that my son and his roommate do not want me to clean their room. So not like I am feeling guilty. Just wondering how many moms do it. One mom I spoke with made it seem like the norm. Honestly I don't even feel the need to go in my son's room post drop off. There are four guys in there in close quarters. Three of them are not my kid. It really feels like an intrusion to me.

 

I am sure it is not clean in there. But that is just kind of part of the process to me.

[GailV]

It never occurred to me that going in and cleaning their rooms was even an option.  

 

Dd is now living off campus.  I've considered sending/taking food this year, but, honestly, everyone in the house likes to cook ... hah, I just had a mental image of all 5 moms-of-housemates sending homemade frozen lasagna.  I'll sacrificially be the mom who doesn't clutter up the freezer.

[Wheres Toto]

Definitely not on the dorm room.  I stopped helping oldest dd clean her room when she was about 10, I think. 

 

The younger guys mostly do their own laundry and straighten their rooms.  I do a deeper clean about once a month. I'm not sure at what point I'll stop that but definitely before college!

 

[bettyandbob]

Not the dorm rooms. I've been cleaning some at home bedrooms the last couple of weeks because when are getting a new roof and attic access is through one bedroom. The other bedroom is the best room for MIL to stay in and dh wants his mother to come overnight a few times. Both (adult) children were asked to clean their rooms and told why. At this point they can't complain about me touching stuff. It is my house and they knew we needed to use the rooms.

[elegantlion]

I don't clean ds's room at home and would not at college. I do fold his laundry once in while if it's still in the dryer when I need it. I should probably just plan on having him use rolling totes when he does transfer. Once his computer set up gets done, he loses focus on setting up his room. 

[hopskipjump]

I don't *think* I would... BUT... if I was visiting my kid's dorm... just sitting around while his friends milled in and out of the room... just sitting there sounds like torture. So, I could see busying myself so that I could bustle in-and-out of the room, chatting with him and his friends while I had my hands busy doing something else.

[Guest]

Woah. Too weird.

[Bluegoat]

I've never seen that. THough we did have cleaning ladies at my college, they would vaccume and wipe surfaces, as well as empty the trash, so long as the room was tidy enough to do it without disturbing things.

[bettyandbob]

I've never seen that. THough we did have cleaning ladies at my college, they would vaccume and wipe surfaces, as well as empty the trash, so long as the room was tidy enough to do it without disturbing things.

The cleaning crew came in your room? At my school they did communal spaces like the hall, showers, lounge/TV area. They did not come in rooms.

 

At my ds's school the RA can inspect rooms. They come in and look for fire hazards like overloaded extension cords.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Nope. At college, it is all their responsibility. At home, I will do their laundry if it is sorted in the laundry room. We've always treated laundry as a communal thing since we sort by color and I would run out of socks or underwear before I would have a full load.

[Mom22ns]

I only enter my kids dorm rooms on move-in and move-out. The only time I ever cleaned ds's room last year was when he moved out. He did most of the packing, then I showed up and cleaned while he hauled stuff to the car. The room was in serious need of cleaning, but how he lives for the 9 months he is there is up to him. 

 

When they come home, I'll do any laundry they bring, but that is typically just enough to wear for the visit. I throw it in with our and all is well. Both of my kids have access to free laundry facilities just a couple of doors down the hall from their dorm rooms. They both consider it more convenient to do their own laundry than to haul a bunch home. 

 

I never saw a mom clean any part of a dorm room while I was in college, but I went to a college that was in a fairly rural area. Few people lived nearby and parents rarely visited. We all liked it that way. :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

That's bizarre.  Never saw a parent in the dorms when I lived there except on the day people moved in. 

 

 

[MerryAtHope]

LOL, this made me giggle! I can't even imagine doing this for a personal dorm room, much less one that's shared with other students! Yeah...that won't be me. I'd be more like you--I'll bake some cookies :-). Cookies are much more my love language!

[TechWife]

No, it wouldn't occur to me. We went to take DS out for dinner yesterday and we didn't even go in the dorm. We did help him clean at move out last year, but we did that because of his difficulties with executive function. 

[teachermom2834]

As the OP, I do want to note that I can envision helping clean up at move out in certain circumstances. Such as if it had to be cleaned to pass check out and there was a time crunch or chaotic and I just wanted to get out of there.

 

The one mom that cleaned actually found something...personal...that had been given to her son's roommate under a bed. Yeah, I don't want to deal with anything remotely like that.

[importswim]

My parents are European and my Mom stopped doing my laundry and cleaning my room/bathroom when I was 16 (actually it was probably younger than that - 13 maybe?). She also told me at that point that it was my job to handle all of my dentist/doctor appointments. There's no way she'd have cleaned my room at college. They'd have taken me out for a meal and that's about it.

 

I'm not sure that I'll do the doctor thing with my kiddos but I'm planning on handing over laundry/room cleaning ASAP.

Edited September 5, 2016 by importswim

[AK_Mom4]

Only during move outs. In both cases, DD and DS were running out of time (busy day) and we helped pack and vacuum and wipe down surfaces so we could get out on time. For DS, we had a long drive home and for DD she needed to meet her new landlord and get moved in before we left,

 

So, nope, no cleaning for me. I do their laundry when they are home if they want me to. I don't mind and it's such a little thing for me to do.

[Bluegoat]

The cleaning crew came in your room? At my school they did communal spaces like the hall, showers, lounge/TV area. They did not come in rooms.

 

At my ds's school the RA can inspect rooms. They come in and look for fire hazards like overloaded extension cords.

 

Yes, every floor or bay had a cleaning lady ( I gues they could have been men, but none were) who would do the communal areas, and rooms on a particular morning each week.  So, it could be that your room was always cleaned Tuesday morning.

 

You could always leave a sign asking them not to come in, but that generally only happened if someone was such a slob she didn't want anyone in her room.

[angela in ohio]

No, but they were doing their own laundry and cleaning their room (and part of the rest of the house) by age 10-12, so it would have been weird. I suppose if you had done that for them all along, it might seem more normal.

 

I did tell middle dd to empty her trash when we visited this past weekend. :) It was full and she hadn't thought to check yet to find the trash bags in the closet down the hall.

[Mabelen]

Going in and just clean the room? I have helped my daughter set up at move in and clean up at checkout but otherwise no. In other words, helping, yes; doing it myself as if it was my job, no and no plans to change in the future.

[Mabelen]

My parents are European and my Mom stopped doing my laundry and cleaning my room/bathroom when I was 16 (actually it was probably younger than that - 13 maybe?). She also told me at that point that it was my job to handle all of my dentist/doctor appointments. There's no way she'd have cleaned my room at college. They'd have taken me out for a meal and that's about it.

 

I'm not sure that I'll do the doctor thing with my kiddos but I'm planning on handing over laundry/room cleaning ASAP.

I am European and I can tell you that not all European families handle these things the same. I come from Spain and things there in general are very different to how they are in the U.K. for example.

[Haiku]

How many moms here clean dorm rooms? 

 

I have only visited my dd's dorm room one time in the three years she's been in college (she just started senior year). I stopped doing her laundry at home when she was 13.

[importswim]

I am European and I can tell you that not all European families handle these things the same. I come from Spain and things there in general are very different to how they are in the U.K. for example.

Ha ha. I'm from the UK. You're quite right. There's probably differences. 

[Guest]

No, not a dorm room. It's not hard for me to imagine myself tidying up an off-campus apartment if I were visiting though. It's kind of automatic behavior for me and I think if it appeared that the kid was having a hard time managing housework, I might just start cleaning off a countertop or something out of my inner need for order. :)

[kewb]

I do know a dorm room cleaner mom.  It makes her happy.  I have no intention of cleaning my son's dorm room or doing his laundry when we go visit.

[katilac]

I didn't clean dd's room when we visited, but it doesn't strike me as terribly odd to do so as long as the student doesn't mind. I'm assuming the parent would only clean their 'half' of the room, or sweep, non-intrusive stuff to the roommate. 

 

I didn't do her laundry but I would do so to help her out if we had time, or if she brought it home. I have many fond memories of my mom doing my college laundry, lol. 

 

Her suite mates had left dirty dishes in the sink before leaving for the weekend, so I asked her if they would mind if I washed them . . . mostly so I could clean the sink! She gave her approval, lol.  

 

Parents without boundary issues are going to ask if their kid wants some help and accept the answer. I promise you that neither of mine are the least bit offended to be offered help! That may be because our family culture includes giving and receiving help in many situations, for adults as well as kids and college students. When a cousin or other family member is hosting a party, it's perfectly normal to offer to go and help them clean. If they're setting off on a big trip, it's normal to offer to help them pack and situate the house. 

 

So we would think nothing of offering that type of help to a college student, but then again the college student is just as likely to offer similar help in return. It's family helping family plus "many hands make light work" and not a question or ability or responsibility. 

[rocassie]

I don't think it is uncommon, but only one of my friend's mom cleaned when she visited.  Almost of all my male friends, their moms did their laundry when they went home.  Of my female friends, it was hit or miss whether their mom did their laundry.  If the mom was already doing laundry, she would usually have her daughter sort the laundry out and then the mom would do it with whatever else she was doing.  Otherwise, the mom would just let the daughter know the washing machine was free if she had laundry to throw in.

 

Myself - No, I would not clean.  Although I wouldn't be opposed to "helping" if we did it together.  And I hate laundry so I would give free access to the washing machine (or give you money to do it) but nope, I'm not doing it for you.  I'm all over the food though and would come bearing all sorts of delicious goodness for my child and extra to share.

[J-rap]

Cleaning a dorm room?  No way!  I did help her set things up when she first moved in.  That was it.  I think she would be horrified if I tried to come in and clean it later!

[Michelle_NC]

We dropped something off about 2 weeks after move-in and I had to restrain myself ...

 

But I absolutely don't fault anyone for doing those kind of things - you never know what's going on in a family or what road the kid took to get there.

[Homeschoolmom3]

This made me laugh....my kids are responsible for their rooms, laundry and bathrooms from 12yrs on. My son would be mortified if I came in with my cleaning supplies in college!  Ha!