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5LittleMonkeys

Please fix this sentence.

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A light rain trickled through the fall leaves orange like a sunset hanging above my head. 

 

Thanks!! 

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If you want to make it clearer, you could do this:

 

A light rain trickled through the fall leaves, orange like a sunset, hanging above my head. 

 

Personally, depending on the type of writing, I like the free flowing original.

 

 

 

 

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A light rain trickled through the fall leaves orange like a sunset hanging above my head.

 

 

A light rain trickled through the orange fall leaves hanging above my head like a sunset.

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A light rain trickled through the orange fall leaves hanging above my head like a sunset.

 

This is a perfectly nice, correct sentence. 

 

But I don't like it near as well as the original. 

 

That one sounded so much more romantic :)

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The original is a run-on though, right?

 

It reads as if "like a sunset" refers to "trickled".

Poetic license--I find the original quite evocative.

 

There is cool stuff you can do with language when you dare to step outside of arbitrarily constructed rules :)

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Thanks!  As the person evaluating this student's writing I'm trying to "teach" mechanics without squelching creativity.  I think I like the hyphen. 

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