Age Getting Married

[mom31257]

How old would you say people, who are in your personal sphere of influence, are when marrying the first time? I mean now, not when you got married.

 

I have several friends who have kids marrying right now. They all are ranging from 18-21 or so. I've been surprised at how young they are. They are Christian, and most were homeschooled or went to Christian schools.

 

I'm wondering if this is a new trend, has always been this way, or just something specific to Christians or our area.

[Guest]

I have a whole range, but usually 20-25 for the girls and 22-28 for the boys. Very few people I know aren't married before they're thirty, but many wait to have kids until that range.

[bettyandbob]

The only people I know getting married at 20-23 are my ds's friends who are LDS. The next age bracket seems to be around 27, children of friends and neighbors who have all gone to college. However it doesn't seem to be an obvious stage where that age group is marrying off like when I was younger.

[purpleowl]

Most of the weddings I've been to recently, the couple were directly or not too far out of college, so probably 22-24ish. One of them had a larger age gap, with a 22-year-old bride and a 31-year-old groom, as I recall.

 

Editing to add: I'm in the southeastern US, and all these couples are Christian (most of them former students of mine, meaning at least some time in a Christian school).

Edited August 20, 2016 by purpleowl

[Arcadia]

The oldest of my friends' kids are graduating college and not married. Hubby's colleague's child has a shotgun marriage at 19 but the lady is having a tough time as she failed to graduate high school and is temping.

 

My middle school classmate married recently at 44 years old in church. My nephews and niece range from 44 down to 5 years old. The most recent weddings were 35 and 27.

 

So my social circle tend on the marry in the late 20s at the earliest even now. My Christian friends with the older kids has their kids in secular schools and colleges.

[kroe1]

It is no different to me than it has ever been in my limited circle.

[TravelingChris]

Several of my son's friends from college have married.  They all married after college and I would say then 22-28, I think. 

[TranquilMind]

How old would you say people, who are in your personal sphere of influence, are when marrying the first time? I mean now, not when you got married.

 

I have several friends who have kids marrying right now. They all are ranging from 18-21 or so. I've been surprised at how young they are. They are Christian, and most were homeschooled or went to Christian schools.

 

I'm wondering if this is a new trend, has always been this way, or just something specific to Christians or our area.

Same as you.  The only weddings I have been to lately are for very young couples.

[Pawz4me]

It's been years since I've been to a wedding. The young people I know either don't seem to be interested or are choosing to live together. I know quite a lot of young people in the 25-30 year range who aren't married. 

[Farrar]

It's a big range among people I know. Getting married in your mid 30's is pretty common here - urban area, professionals. But interestingly, most of my friends seem to have married on the young side, at least for around here - early 20's. I assume that's a bias though... I mean, I got married early and homeschoolers are more likely to have married early, I think. It's like how I also have more introvert friends, but introversion isn't more common, it's just that we tend to gravitate toward people we have things in common with.

[Seasider]

 

I have several friends who have kids marrying right now. They all are ranging from 18-21 or so. I've been surprised at how young they are. They are Christian, and most were homeschooled. --- or went to Christian schools.

 

.

In my direct experience, there have been over half a dozen couples in the past two years that meet the description above, save that they were almost exclusively homeschooled, did not attend Christian private school.

 

Among others - Christians who were not homeschooled, who were career bound (i.e. Not waiting around for the perfect mate), non Christians (or non-conservative Christians), the age range moves upward to about 24-30.

 

The industry related events I am knowledgeable of, brides and grooms in late 20's to mid-30's, even early 40s, usually both established professionals.

[hjffkj]

I'm 30, and I'd say half my friends from college are married while the other half is perpetually in a different relationship every few months. None have been together long-term while not getting married. But I also have relatives who have or are getting married in their mid 30's. I was the first of my peers to get married and that was at 21. The rest waited until at least 24.

[sassenach]

In the last few years, the weddings we've been to have all been for 25yos, give or take 2 years.

[DawnM]

The last few weddings I have been to are of people in their mid to late 20s.

[regentrude]

At age 25, I was one of the first in our circle to marry.

Late 20s/early 30s is more typical.

Or not at all. Several of my friends are in long term committed relationships but did not marry their partners.

 

Most live with their future spouse for years (in some cases over a decade) before marriage.

For demographics: almost all of my friends have graduate degrees.

Edited August 20, 2016 by regentrude

[AnnE-girl]

My cousin was the youngest bride of any wedding I've been to when she was 20, and that was probably 25 years ago. That was a shotgun wedding. Every other wedding I've been to the couple has been at least 22, or out of college. More late 20s to early 30s. Several of my high school classmates got married this summer at 34/35.

[Guest]

The only one I currently know of currently getting married is my niece who is getting married in September. She is 28.

Edited August 20, 2016 by Kinsa

[bibiche]

mid to late 30s.  Almost all of my family and friends have terminal degrees so that may skew it.  i haven't been to a wedding for someone younger than that since I was a child and had a couple cousins who married in their mid 20s.

Edited August 20, 2016 by bibiche

[Pam L in Mid Tenn]

Trends in "age at marriage" could be a good research topic.

I think the trend of later marriage ages ( late 20s to mid thirties) is a rather recent , historically speaking. It was not too long ago that being twenty-five and unmarried was considered an "old maid."

In my sphere, ages have ranged from 17 to thirty five.

 

Not all numbers on my computer work. Sorry. 

[elegantlion]

I'm old, so most of the people my age are either happily married or happily divorced. I'm also a college student, so in that circle, I'm seeing people getting engaged or married as they both or one of them finishes their degree, so early to mid 20s. Other couples are living together and I don't know anything about their future relationship plans, but at least two have moved to different cities together for jobs or grad school. 

[catz]

I see post college age 22/23 up to about age 35 most regularly.  I'd say 25-32 most commonly.  Honestly, I don't know that I've ever been to a wedding for someone under 22.  I was 29 when I married for the first time and still going strong. 

Edited August 20, 2016 by WoolySocks

[SproutMamaK]

In my general circle, low-mid 20s is common. When I was getting married, most of my friend got married the summer before or after I did, so 19-21. In general the speed of the shift has been quite remarkable; in less than 15 years that average marrying age in our circles has gone up by probably 4 years.

[Crimson Wife]

Very late 20's to early 30's is the big bump. Plenty though are getting married for the first time in their late 30's to early 40's. I can't remember the last wedding I went to where the couple were both younger than 25.

 

There was one of my high school classmates who got pregnant her sophomore year of college at 19 and had a "shotgun" wedding. Today it seems that the young couples who experience an unexpected pregnancy get engaged but wait several years to tie the knot, if they marry at all.

[wathe]

Late 20s/early 30s is more typical.

Or not at all. Several of my friends are in long term committed relationships but did not marry their partners.

 

Most live with their future spouse for years (in some cases over a decade) before marriage.

For demographics: almost all of my friends have graduate degrees.

 

This mirrors my experience and demographic. 

I was 31 when we finally got aroun to geting married. We have been together since age 19.

[Guest]

I'm 30, and I'd say half my friends from college are married while the other half is perpetually in a different relationship every few months. None have been together long-term while not getting married. But I also have relatives who have or are getting married in their mid 30's. I was the first of my peers to get married and that was at 21. The rest waited until at least 24.

That's just it, I know a ton of people planning on permanent/perpetual cohabiting, which skews the statistics quite a bit. Marriage is almost more of a worldview and value reflection than age during a relationship. Those who don't get married are saying a lot about themselves, just as those who marry are, and it's arguably more revealing than the age at which they're choosing to do either.

Edited August 20, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[Crimson Wife]

 

I think the trend of later marriage ages ( late 20s to mid thirties) is a rather recent , historically speaking. It was not too long ago that being twenty-five and unmarried was considered an "old maid."

 

That is actually not true for Irish-Americans. Historically the women had jobs and married on the later side. My grandma and her sisters got married in their 30's and this was not at all unusual. The post-WWII era was an anomaly in terms of early marriage for this particular ethnic group. My aunts all married in their early-to-mid 20's but that was much younger than the previous and following generations.  

 

[barnwife]

 

I think the trend of later marriage ages ( late 20s to mid thirties) is a rather recent , historically speaking. It was not too long ago that being twenty-five and unmarried was considered an "old maid."

 

 

We got married at the same ages (average of 30) as one set of great grandparents, and the rest were almost as old when they married in the 20's.  Our grandparents married after WWII at younger ages.  The age of marriage has changed dramatically, but the age of moving in together hasn't as much, and could be younger on average? 

[Laura Corin]

Among people I know (Scotland, academics, professionals; some religious, some not) the average is thirty to thirty-five.  My parents (children of school headmaster and a land surveyor respectively) married at 31/25; Husband and I (children of BBC producer and a small business owner respectively) married at 31/37.  

 

Both my brothers married in their early thirties; one sister married in her late twenties, the other has been in a long-term committed relationship since her mid-twenties and now has two children.

Edited August 20, 2016 by Laura Corin

[The Girls' Mom]

There are a lot of my girls' friends getting married this year.  The ages have been around 20-22 years of age.  I don't see anything new.  Lots of people I knew when I was that age got married, with the next wave hitting closer to 30.  

Edited August 20, 2016 by The Girls' Mom

[Scarlett]

I haven't been to many weddings lately.  Not sure why.

 

The last few I can remember over the last several years

 

Bride/Groom

28/24

25/28

21/23

19/21

19/21

21/18

17/18

[hjffkj]

That's just it, I know a ton of people planning on permanent/perpetual cohabiting, which skews the statistics quite a bit. Marriage is almost more of a worldview and value reflection than age during a relationship. Those who don't get married are saying a lot about themselves, just as those who marry are, and it's arguably more revealing than the age at which they're choosing to do either.

See none of my friends who aren't married are cohabiting. They are perpetually in different relationships but nothing that ever gets serious enough to live together. My experience with cohabiting is that anyone who moves in together has a clear goal to get married eventually. Most are waiting to graduate grad school or just move in while they plan the wedding. The only long-term cohabiting couples I've known have all been divorcees in there late 40s and older.

[Guest]

The weddings amongst my friends/family members' kids are 25-30. I haven't known any very young marriages in a long while.

[rebcoola]

IDK ages a vast majority its the summer after they graduate college

[Luckymama]

The last two weddings we attended (1 friend, 1 cousin) all parties were 30ish.

 

Dd21, a college senior, has some friends at school who have just gotten engaged. She knows of several girls from high school who married this past year. Dd cannot imagine being married that young.

[Janeway]

20's and 30's here. Late 20's at that.

[ktgrok]

25-30 I'd say. 

[Ali in OR]

I don't know that many people of a marriageable age--I would have said our friends' kids are too young as college students. But this summer two friends had sons get married at age 21 with one more year of college left. One married a high school sweetheart who also has one more year of college, one married a girl who just graduated. Honestly it seems a little weird to me to marry before you can support yourselves.

[teachermom2834]

I am in the Bible Belt.

 

I am commonly seeing immediately post college graduation weddings, so about 22. I am also seeing more and more weddings for younger students in just first half of college. I know my perspective is skewed as the people I know are mostly homeschoolers and/or conservative Christians. These same families tend to teach that all dating relationships are for the purpose of moving towards marriage. So...I guess the kids are very marriage minded from the outset. While we run in those circles we do not encourage that level of seriousness/early marriage for our teens so it still surprises me a bit. Now that I have one graduated from high school his peers are starting to get engaged/married.

 

Seems the culture I live in discourages dating as long as possible and then encourages early marriage. Seems the goal of many families is for the child to have just that one partner.

[Crimson Wife]

  Seems the goal of many families is for the child to have just that one partner.

 

Statistically, these are the least likely to wind up divorcing. I've only ever been with my DH and AFAIK he's only ever been with me. Our kids can make their own life decisions when they are adults, but it is my hope that they only ever have TeA with their spouse. It's much safer that way from both a health and emotional standpoint :)

 

[Laura Corin]

Statistically, these are the least likely to wind up divorcing. I've only ever been with my DH and AFAIK he's only ever been with me. Our kids can make their own life decisions when they are adults, but it is my hope that they only ever have TeA with their spouse. It's much safer that way from both a health and emotional standpoint :)

 

 

I agree that there are risks to sex, although they can be mitigated.  And even if you marry as a virgin, you could marry someone who has had sex before; perhaps, as I did, you will marry a man who was divorced after his wife cheated on him.  Should my husband (we are about to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary) have been denied the chance to remarry?  Because he arrived with risks - not only his own sexual history but that of his ex-wife.

 

FWIW, I had several partners before I married.  I strongly believe that that helped me to make the right choice.  Divorce statistics may reflect not only the health of marriages but also the stigma about divorce within certain groups; perhaps virgin marriage sometimes goes along with extreme pressure to stay in terrible relationships.

[teachermom2834]

Statistically, these are the least likely to wind up divorcing. I've only ever been with my DH and AFAIK he's only ever been with me. Our kids can make their own life decisions when they are adults, but it is my hope that they only ever have TeA with their spouse. It's much safer that way from both a health and emotional standpoint :)

 

I don't necessarily disagree with the concept and I think it is very sweet if it works out that way. In fact, my dh of 20 years was my first boyfriend.

 

However, my teen son recently got involved with a girl whose family had this approach and it was a tremendous amount of pressure on a young kid. Thankful when it was decided he wasn't marriage material. Fifteen year old boys don't make great life partners 🙂

 

Just saying that the concept can lead to what seems like a rushed marriage in my opinion. But what do I know? Everyone needs to work these things out for themselves.

Edited August 20, 2016 by teachermom2834

[happypamama]

I got married at 21 (the summer after we graduated from college, but I graduated a year early), but that's a little on the young side for most of the people I know, if they went to college.  I haven't been to a wedding in a while, but it sounds like the older moms I know whose kids are getting married are in their early 20s, like 22-25.

Edited August 20, 2016 by happypamama

[FaithManor]

DD was 23 and her hubby 27 when they married. This is pretty common in our circle - mid-twenties anyway - due to college and many wanting to get their degrees out of the way and land a job with benefits before considering marriage.

 

We have a friend whose daughter, not quite 18, is marrying this summer. The groom is nearly 21. But that is unusual among our friends. She's been dating him a long time, started kindergarten at 4 and graduated at 16 so has a year of working under her belt and professional license. He will be college junior but his parents are paying for his tuition and part of his room and board and said they would be willing to contribute to an apartment instead of dorm. He has a paid internship coming up, and she'll work so I guess they will be okay. She seems very mature to us. The young man does too though to be honest the bride seems to be ahead of him in that department.

 

 

[QueenCat]

Among my friends whose kids went to college: their kids are getting married in their later 20s, usually several years after finishing college.

 

Among my friends whose kids did not go to college: their kids are getting married in the 19-21 year old range.

[HomeAgain]

I live in a bubble.  Many of the people who pass through here marry between ages 18 and 22, either right before or soon after basic training.  I keep up with some of them on Facebook and in such a short time, many of them are divorced already.  It's not unusual.  People joke about the high marriage/divorce rates but never think it'll happen to them.  The life is just more stressful than many would like, and more so if they go overseas immediately after here. 

[Scarlett]

I don't know that many people of a marriageable age--I would have said our friends' kids are too young as college students. But this summer two friends had sons get married at age 21 with one more year of college left. One married a high school sweetheart who also has one more year of college, one married a girl who just graduated. Honestly it seems a little weird to me to marry before you can support yourselves.

Lots of people support themselves while finishing up college.

[katilac]

18-21 would be very, very young in any of my circles, including the conservative Christian homeschoolers within my homeschooling circle.I haven't heard of a single one of the kids who have graduated in the last few years getting married, or even engaged. There was one young lady several years ago who got married on the young side, but I would say it was definitely at least 20 or 21, not late teens. 

 

In my extended family, and what I see of their friends, 2-3 years after college is one common cluster, so like 23-26 for the most part. 

 

Mid-thirties would be less common but so much as to be remarked upon. I'm not sure if I actually know anyone who got married for the first time at 40 or later. I do know plenty of people 40+ who are simply not married. 

 

 

Lots of people support themselves while finishing up college.

 

I think lots of people used to, but I don't think lots of people do so anymore, at least not going to college full-time. Well, honestly, I think some people used to, not lots. Most of the people I know in their 30s, 40s, and 50s who got married while in college did wind up quitting before they finished. If they did finish, it took a substantial amount of time.

 

I don't think I know anyone who got married while in college and then went on to both support themselves and finish the final year or two of their degree in less than ten years. I wouldn't consider taking out substantial loans to live on as supporting yourself, but I don't know anyone who did that either. 

Edited August 21, 2016 by katilac

[Spryte]

I was the first to get married, among my group - scientists and academics. I was 27, DH was 28. Same for DH.

 

Among my friends there are still a few first marriages here and there - they are in their late 30s, early 40s.

 

The only people I know now who get married young are in the orthodox community, and it tends to be right out of college for the girls, but sometimes post-grad school.

 

The others tend to be very late 20s to mid-30s.

 

DSS is 24, and marriage is not on his radar.

[kiwik]

DD was 23 and her hubby 27 when they married. This is pretty common in our circle - mid-twenties anyway - due to college and many wanting to get their degrees out of the way and land a job with benefits before considering marriage.

 

We have a friend whose daughter, not quite 18, is marrying this summer. The groom is nearly 21. But that is unusual among our friends. She's been dating him a long time, started kindergarten at 4 and graduated at 16 so has a year of working under her belt and professional license. He will be college junior but his parents are paying for his tuition and part of his room and board and said they would be willing to contribute to an apartment instead of dorm. He has a paid internship coming up, and she'll work so I guess they will be okay. She seems very mature to us. The young man does too though to be honest the bride seems to be ahead of him in that department.

To me it seems wrong to marry while still being supported by your parents. Mind you I would think it OK for them to live together instead which would seem more wrong to many people.

[GoodGrief]

I'm seeing the trend of very young marriages in my social circle, especially among homeschoolers, but others too.

 

Also a lot of parents, mostly mothers, who seem exceptionally invested in getting their kids attached to a partner well before they graduate high school; just yesterday was listening to the sordid tale of two mothers in a coffee shop arguing over a boy in whom both daughters had interest, lol. I remember one family who combined their daughter's senior photos with a surprise engagement session. I guess it's no weirder than anything else humans do. It's just not my thing so much.

 

That said, my oldest is engaged to be married in a year, at age 22. Younger than I was. She will have been dating the guy for almost 5 years at that point, and (hopefully) have gotten her degree. I really like the idea of women in particular to have a certain amount of experience living independently before marriage.