Does the word Nerd have bad connotations in your region?

[Arcadia]

My local public school have 6th graders who are good at math taking math with 7th graders in the best middle school in the district. A girl was upset at pickup because she has been called Nerd by the 7th graders yesterday which was first day of school.

 

Her mom who is my friend posted in Facebook to vent and she said she didn't expect her daughter to be bullied by being called a nerd in Silicon Valley. The thing is people my age (40s) joke about nerds among friends without any bad connotations to it because we are either nerds and/or married to one. So my kids won't react to Nerd as a taunting word.

 

So just wondering how bad it is if someone call your kid a Nerd as in name calling. Also would it be equally bad if Geek is used instead of Nerd? I have heard high school kids in another district tease each other with Geek and Nerd in a friendly buddy way.

 

ETA:

My school district is kind of average if that matters. Accelerated math track is algebra in 7th.

Edited August 18, 2016 by Arcadia in CA

[quark]

I think the pressure to conform and fit in is so high that words I would have loved to have been called 30 years ago are now words used to bully/ tease/ make kids feel like they are not part of a group. It's all so twisted and ugly. :glare:

 

DS just came home from a summer program for nerdy high school kids and apparently the word was freely exchanged in a good-natured way. Well, because you obviously have to be one to want to go there.

[Tree Frog]

I wonder if it's a regional put-down. In our area, nerd is a word to describe techy or science oriented people, but it's not offensive . My ds and dd refer to each other that way all the time, as do their friends.

[mellifera33]

I can see a younger kid being upset by being called a nerd--anything that makes one different is difficult at that age. Among my peers, nerd is usually used for someone who is smart and into fandoms or gaming, and geek is more tech-specific. 

[ReadingMama1214]

Need is not a put down to me. My kids are not school age (4.5 and 2.5). But I don't think of it as negative. I think it describes a certain type of individual. I tend to think of nerds as bookish math and science people. Geek is more scifi fantasy people in my mind. But I wouldn't be upset if my kid was called a nerd. But it does depend on context. If it was meant to be a mean put down, then I would feel bad for my daughter. Going as far as to call it bullying? Probably not on the first occurance.

[Dmmetler]

My DD calls herself a "nerd" and a "geek"-but would probably be upset if someone used the term to her in a way that was meant to be derogatory.

[Arcadia]

I wonder if it's a regional put-down.

Silicon Valley, which is why the child's parents did not expect that to happen.

If it was meant to be a mean put down, then I would feel bad for my daughter. Going as far as to call it bullying? Probably not on the first occurance.

It is meant to outcast the accelerated math kids. Which is why I would also call it bullying. Previously the school had the accelerated math kids in a class so it wasn't that obvious as kids have the same home room teacher. This year they mixed the kids into the 7th grade classes.

 

Maybe that is why my district offered to grade skip my kids as the only solution.

 

ETA:

Hopefully things get better. My district is not great at handling bullying of kids by kids and parents.

Edited August 18, 2016 by Arcadia

[Loesje22000]

Yes, it has very negative connotations. 

 

 

[purpleowl]

I'd say it can be used either way. Intent and tone matter. I mean, you can call someone athletic and have it sound complimentary, or you can call someone athletic and have it sound like an insult, you know?

 

It's one of those things where the best move for this girl would be to let it roll off her back, to say something like, "Yep, nerd here. By the way, your outfit/backpack/whatever is so cute/awesome/whatever--where'd you get it?" However, it's very easy for my 35-year-old self to say that, and a lot harder for an 11-year-old who feels hurt to come up with a good response on the fly. I hope things turn around for your friend's DD.

[Guest]

Its a put down here. So, yes if repeated for the purpose of excluding, it is bullying.

 

Geek is a tech or math/sci competent kid who has social skills. Essentially half of the males in band and a sizeable chunk of swimmers and xc.

 

I am surprised to hear of that in SV. The techie high schools here dont have an issue, but then they do have the stereotype issues regarding ethnicity and presumption of math genius.

 

By the way, rather than getting upset, she should use humor. There is a hilarious comedy routine regarding math that my son's friend used when he found a freshman in his 12th grade Alg 2 class. The freshman, who was a grade skipper since the school doesnt have a double accel track like the techie high schools, responded with humor, claiming he was really 10 and a genius and would be happy to give homework solutions to anyone that wanted them, etc etc. They responded by saying he couldnt be genius, since he was wrong ethnicity and bounced it back and forth.

Edited August 18, 2016 by Heigh Ho

[Cake and Pi]

Nerd is practically a compliment around here.

 

Though honestly, just about any word can be turned into an insult with the right tone of voice.

[Ravin]

It's all about context and intent. In one context it's a compliment, in another it's mean.

[Arcadia]

Was thinking that if a word generally has positive connotations in a region, kids would be less likely to use that word as a taunting word :(

 

At least a boy and a girl was affected. They held it together until the ride home.

[Guest]

Perhaps the mother should call the teacher and have the issue addressed. Some students will always be uncomfortable in a mixed grade class when they are older are less able to achieve in comparison to the youngsters. The teacher is responsible for addressing that and making the class a community.

[chocolate-chip chooky]

I think it depends on context, intent and tone of voice. Just about any word could come across as an insult when said in a certain manner.

In our family, extended-family and circle of friends, being called a nerd is a compliment and a term of endearment.

We regularly call each other nerd-burgers in a loving and jokey manner.

 

I like the John and Hank Green take on nerdishness. They encourage us to be enthusiastic about things, to care about learning and knowledge, to care enough to question things, and to value these traits in ourselves and others.

 

The Greens have a great quote that I was going to post, but I'm not sure if we're allowed to do that here? If anyone's interested, just Google 'John Green nerd quote'. It's the sort of thing my kids would have as a poster on their walls.

 

[Jackie]

In my area, it can be used as a positive identifier and as a putdown. People use it jokingly to refer to themself or their friends, and positively identify with the word. However, when used by people who would not identify themselves as nerds, it is typically meant as a putdown.

 

Same with geek.

[Garga]

Context is everything. When I was a kid it was a terrible word and I know because I was sneeringly called one and it wasn't a compliment at all.

 

Over the years, I've noticed that it can be meant in a kinder way to mean someone who is smart and it's said almost fondly about the person. But that's for adults or teenagers self-identifying as such.

 

I would think that in the right time/place it could be its original meaning from when I was a kid, which meant you were smart, sure, but also so unbelievable uncool that no one would ever want to be your friend. It's a word used to express disgust for another perrson. I would think that in this case, the kids were meaning it the old-fashioned way and not in the new way. Some people are spiteful toward someone who is perceived as "smart" and they'll try to cut the smart person down.

 

The newer connotation of the word nerd reminds me of how some women have take the word b**** or black people have taken the word n***** and tried to wrest control of it and lessen its hurtful meaning. Sometimes those words are used affectionately, but originally they are meant as hurtful insults.

[Dmmetler]

FWIW, years and years ago, the first R rated movie I ever saw was a showing of "Revenge of the Nerds" at the college movie theater as a Jr. high age kid who definitely fit the "nerd" stereotype. I'd begged my mom to take me. Just me, my mom, and a whole theater full of college nerds, all happily geeking out and roaring. To this day, that movie takes me to a happy place-one where, for the first time, I realized that you COULD embrace who you are, and that a lot more people would agree than you might think. :)

[Arcadia]

On a light note, my kids do like Nerds the candy.

[Guest]

On a light note, my kids do like Nerds the candy.

And Smarties?

[chocolate-chip chooky]

And Smarties?

 

:laugh:  

[Arcadia]

And Smarties?

Who can resist chocolate :) I think CostPlus World Market has them. I buy from East Indian supermarket though.

http://www.nestle.com/brands/allbrands/smarties

 

I think my St Nick's Day goody bags for my kids classmates are set :)

[Arcadia]

:laugh:

We have been indulging in Australia's Tim Tam :)

I do miss AU's Cadbury and Milo.

[LEK]

Nerd and geek are an insult here generally. If being called a nerd/geek by someone who is not a nerd or geek that is highly offensive, however if called a nerd or geek by a fellow nerd then that is not only fine but a compliment and sign of solidarity. It really comes down to context but the only acceptable time to use those words here are between groups of friends who all consider themselves to be a nerd or geek.

[SoCal_Bear]

Well, this is going on in my neck of the woods.

 

http://www.nerdcon2016.com/

 

 

[RootAnn]

I was having a conversation last night with a friend about the homeschool teen party we had at our house last week. I pointed out that the dynamic was different as there were more nerds last time. There was a self-proclaimed Geek Table at the last party.

 

She was shocked that I would call anyone a nerd. It isn't derogatory in my house, but it must be in hers. (My DH is an Electrical Engineer- so we have the EE in geek joke.)

 

I think it can be used as a negative term, but my kids would hopefully treat it as a compliment. Only one of mine could fall under that description right now (math nerd), but we, as parents, have always embraced our nerdiness.

[Dmmetler]

DD was annoyed when she found out the school she used to attend had a "Nerd day" as part of spirit week (I'm still on FB with some of her classmates' parents)-she feels it just contributes to stereotyping and makes it OK to tease and bully for fitting the stereotype. Of course, she's only now talking about some of the comments, etc she got from other kids as an early entered kindergartner working above grade level and going to higher grades for enrichment in math and reading and how anti-academic the atmosphere really was (especially anti-math and science if you were a girl. Being good at and enjoying reading was acceptable).

 

 

[Guest]

No, it does not, but I do know when someone is trying to put me down, regardless of what words they use to do it, ykwim.

[Arcadia]

Dmmetler,

 

I do know one of the family well and her older daughter who went to the same school did not say anything but this younger son cried. So it does makes people think that maybe the older just didn't complain.

 

My oldest didn't have pullouts or anything special but parents who volunteer in class noticed. Kids won't the problem, parents were.

 

ETA:

I had not heard Nerd said in a sneering/demeaning way in a long time so I can understand the nasty surprise it was for my friend and the other parents that I don't know as well.

Edited August 19, 2016 by Arcadia

[Wheres Toto]

Who can resist chocolate :) I think CostPlus World Market has them. I buy from East Indian supermarket though.

http://www.nestle.com/brands/allbrands/smarties

 

I think my St Nick's Day goody bags for my kids classmates are set :)

 

Around here Smarties aren't chocolate - they are another kind of sugar candy.

 

In our household, nerd and geek aren't insults.  Neither is weird.  We pretty much embrace our strange. :D

 

I'm not sure if it would be an insult in schools.  Our 4-H club members don't seem to find it insulting but they are all voluntarily attending a STEM club so....

[Joshin]

While there are some around here that still use it as an insult, overall "nerd" and "geek" are now the counter-culture cool kids. Most of my older son's friends are public school, and most fit more into the trendy clique than the social outcast cliques, and they are constantly trying to prove their nerd-cred or geek-cred. Of course, if someone says it to be insulting, I'm sure they would pick up on those overtones.

 

My introvert 11 year old has always considered himself a nerd and he is exasperated with trendy nerd culture. As he generally puts it, he's a nerd not because he wants to be cool, but because he wants to be left alone. :P

[Arcadia]

Around here Smarties aren't chocolate - they are another kind of sugar candy.

I know that but I grew up with the chocolate kind and my kids ate the chocolate ones too :)

[chocolate-chip chooky]

While there are some around here that still use it as an insult, overall "nerd" and "geek" are now the counter-culture cool kids. Most of my older son's friends are public school, and most fit more into the trendy clique than the social outcast cliques, and they are constantly trying to prove their nerd-cred or geek-cred. Of course, if someone says it to be insulting, I'm sure they would pick up on those overtones.

 

My introvert 11 year old has always considered himself a nerd and he is exasperated with trendy nerd culture. As he generally puts it, he's a nerd not because he wants to be cool, but because he wants to be left alone. :p

 

This reminded me of the early 90s, when my now-husband and I were hanging with the indie band crowd. He was in a band and I was a girlfriend hanger-on-er.

 

Anyhoo, around that time there were a couple of super popular indie bands and they had this style that was nerd-chic. Looking nerdy was suddenly very cool. They'd wear suits and ties and have neatly combed hair, while everyone else was still trying to look like Nirvana.

 

Fashion and popular culture and what's cool are all so odd to me. I've never understood it.

[Rush]

My DD calls herself a "nerd" and a "geek"-but would probably be upset if someone used the term to her in a way that was meant to be derogatory.

same here

though bullies might offend anyone with any name. I remember I was skinny kid and someone, who was twice as me, call me fat. I was very upset until my parents explained to me that I should just ignore some mean people. 

[daijobu]

Here are some t shirts you can buy her to deflect the hard feelings:

 

Nerd Nation

Talk Nerdy to Me

Come to the Nerd Side

 

 

[Arcadia]

Here are some t shirts you can buy her to deflect the hard feelings

I think that the kids have form their own cliques now so the kids who were sneered at won't want to be walking targets.

There is political war still going on among school board members so bullying is probably given lip service.

[pinewarbler]

We're at the cottage right now being device free, but I saw this before we left and feel I must respond.

 

I think this example is important because it happened to a girl. I attended a lecture at the math dep't of our local university recently entitled "If Kim Kardashian loved math what would the world be like?" The sociologist studied the phenomena of women in the media never showing competency within stem fields. Her lecture covered all the concerns that I've thought through since having a girl. As a result of these concerns, my dd watched no tv for the first 12 years of her life and only saw movies when the stupid school showed them. We always looked for books in the library of strong women who could do math.

 

At this lecture, I watched videos of grade 12 girls who were TOP in their math class... it was compelling. They were asked questions like "What is a girl who is good in math like?" They said she'd be shy, quiet, a nerd, not popular..... they never said "She'd be just like me." Every aspect of their life was governed by their effort to be popular (many examples given), which meant they absolutely could not be smart. They did talk about how boys could be popular and smart, though. They were brilliant young women, and they all hid it even to the woman interviewing them. To be called a nerd would have been a disaster in their eyes. What disturbed me the most was their age. I see this phenomena starting in grade 4/5 at our school, but I honestly thought by grade 12 the girls would be able to publicy be smart sometimes, as everyone has acknowledged that they want to go to university.

 

My dd is so unimpressed by media influence to be cute, vapid and pleasing to men at all costs, but I've always wondered how much of it was due to our refusal to expose her to media as a child. (She still doesn't know who Kim Kardashian is). I will tell you that she is the only one like that at our home school... it was one of the reasons we sent her to a gifted program. By grade 5 the pressure was huge to conform to this media image. If she tried to have a conversation about anything that wasn't about tv, movies or a branded product she was ostrasized for the day. One month the only conversation was about American Girl dolls. FOR A WHOLE MONTH! I would say that your friend's daughter is upset for a good reason... she will now have to decide if she wants to be a nerd or be popular... and that is a difficult path to take for an 11 year old. And it would crush the spirit of the best of us.

 

[Arcadia]

pinewarbler,

 

I later clarified that both boys and girls were sneer at. Not that it makes the behavior better, just that it wasn't a target math accelerated girls only but leave the boys alone thing.

 

I was socially accept as a straight As math slacker with many offers of dates since 12 years old. However the guys who asked were from elite schools that would be classified as college prep here. It is possible to be a popular female nerd, just not at any of my district's middle schools.

 

ETA:

Sometimes it is the women who are more vicious to other smart women. I had find it safer to be on guard around ladies until I know they are not going to put me down to protect their position.

Edited August 26, 2016 by Arcadia

[rebcoola]

Around here Nerd is still a put down it carries the connotation of being socially inept.  The smart kids with people skills are Geeks and geek chic is all the rage.