Our anniversary the same night as office get-together, wwyd?

[*****]

Our anniversary is coming up. We generally go out to dinner or something, pretty low key. This year my husband has an office party after work. Kind of like put the kayaks in on one side of the river, and float to the other side for drinks and burgers at a co-workers house. We went last year and they are all his people. I know a few of them and being and introvert, after the usual greetings, I basically have nothing to say. I sit there awkwardly trying to find something to say, but I just hate it. I am never good at these kinds of things. I do better one on one...

 

There are a lot of new people where he works, so he doesn't know them all either. But he will talk to anyone. He is not one who looks after my well-being at a party, sad to say. It's like...'hey, Joe,..and he's off'...I really don't like these kinds of things much anymore. I rarely go, and he has been happy to go by himself. We talked about this last night, how I feel and all. He said he felt he tried harder  the last time...I could tell he was not too happy and didn't have an answer other than that. 

 

Me, I would rather kayak the river, and keep on going.  But he likes to socialize.  I get bored at those things. He is the kind that can talk about anything he reads in the newspaper or heard on the news   He doesn't get to socialize much. So this gives him a chance to re-connect, especially with those who have retired and still come to these casual events.

 

So should I just let him go and enjoy himself without me? It may sound weird.  But I really would rather not be sitting there all stressed out.     There is a play coming up, and I would rather we go to that on a different night, and call that out celebration with a dinner out as well...

Feedback appreciated!

 

Edited August 16, 2016 by *****

[Janeway]

He should go. You all should go. Celebrate the anniversary on a different day.

[Guest]

Nm...read wrong.

Edited August 15, 2016 by tbog

[Anne]

Anniversaries do not need to be celebrated on the exact date, imho.    I would let him go to his office party by himself - or maybe, I would take two cars to the party so you could show up with him, do the kayak thing, smile & nod with a few people, and then depart, pleading another appointment (no need to mention the appointment is with a good book....)

 

Then, I'd plan a special evening for my dh and me.

 

Anne

[marbel]

My husband and I have often celebrated our anniversary on a different day.  Sometimes it just works out that way.  So I wouldn't sweat that. 

 

As for his employee get-together - is it one where spouses are expected?  If so, I'd go and make an effort at talking to people.  I hate those things too, am introverted and shy, so I get it that it's difficult.  I try to arm myself with topics and look for someone else who looks lost or alone.  But, if spouses are not expected, let him go and enjoy himself, and celebrate on another night.

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

It's his work party.  Tell him to go and have a good time.  Celebrate your anniversary a different day.  It doesn't seem to be a big deal to me but then we often reschedule things like that. 

[QueenCat]

Celebrate your anniversary on a different day. Work parties are good for building better relationships within the workplace.

[LucyStoner]

Do your anniversary the night before or after.

 

Go, or not, to the office party. Whatever is best for you and him.

[gardenmom5]

do you normally do things ON your anniversary?

how important is the work thing?

what does he think to the play on another night for your anniversary?

how does he feel about going to the work thing alone? 

 

dh wants me along . . . I've learned how to socialize with the other spouses... .which I got to do over the weekend for his high school reunion.  the only time he sees any of these people.

 

we're flexible and we usually base what we do on what is happening, and usually on a weekend, for birthdays and anniversaries.

[SKL]

I hate work parties, but I would handle this one the same as one that falls on a random date.  You can celebrate your anniversary on a different date.

[Loowit]

It would depend on how important the work party is.  Is it a optional, but not really sort of thing?  Is it totally optional?  Unless it was important to his boss(es) that I am there I would skip it and let DH go if he wanted to go and I would stay home.  If it wasn't a big deal for him to skip it I would rather he not go so that we could spend our anniversary together.  But I am a sentimental person who prefers to celebrate on the day of if possible.  DH has one work party a year that we go to.  I don't enjoy it at all, but it is good for his relationship with his boss if we go and socialize, and it helps me put a face to the names of coworkers DH talks about all the time.

[JustEm]

For me, I'd be pissed if dh picked an optional work event over our anniversary. But that is because of how much time he already spends away from the family because of his job and the fact that we've had marital issues in the past regarding him prioritizing his job over his family in an unhealthy way. Plus,our schedule is such that it would be weeks before we'd have time to celebrate the anniversary if it were put off for another event.

 

But if this isn't the dynamic in your marriage than simply having him go to his event alone and celebrating the anniversary another time.

[Bluegoat]

I would celebrate the anniversary at a different time - we often forget on the day, anyway.

 

Only go to the party if you feel you really have to.

[Guest]

Celebrate the anniversary on a different day. Simple.

[MaeFlowers]

Your dh sound like my dh. He walks in a party and I don't see him again til we leave. My solution is to just let him go alone. He has fun. I don't have to be stressed out. Win-win.

 

As for the anniversary, celebrate another day. It doesn't make it any less your anniversary.

[QueenCat]

Optional doesn't always really mean optional. Those that attend these things do tend to develop better rapports with coworkers and bosses. When you're deciding which guy to promote, and both have similar skills and successes, you're going to promote the team player, the one that you've gotten to know better.

[*****]

Great ideas all around. It is good to know that it is ok if we choose to celebrate on a different day...that others think along the same line. 

 

The party is totally casual and not expected by the boss. But I appreciate the feedback just the same as far as when it is more important for him to be at these types of things for his sake in the company...those are things I never thought of...

 

True, I can go for awhile, then leave for another commitment...or be comfortable in letting him go and enjoy himself while I relax at home...that would be fine by me. We will enjoy the play another night. Thank you for being there, hive!

[foxbridgeacademy]

 

Ummmm, I'm going to say this with the knowledge that I am definitely overstepping but I think you need marriage counselling.  You definitely need one on one alone time so you can reconnect.  

As for this situation, I'd let him go alone.  All it will do is make you miserable and him feel guilty for your misery, that will breed resentment in you both.  You should try to find something you both want to do for your anniversary. If he likes plays, great. Otherwise something else.

Edited August 16, 2016 by foxbridgeacademy

[goldberry]

i would go and celebrate on a different day.  This happens often where I work, since for some reason they have the company banquet at almost the same time every year, and almost always around my anniversary.  As a result, there have been a couple of time (over 8 years) that we've just skipped it instead of rescheduling.

 

DH is also not very social and doesn't like these get-togethers.  He tries to weasel out of it, and one time I did go by myself.  It was rather awkward, and I was not comfortable.  Everyone else's spouses were there.  I ask him to go for me.  Once a year is not too much in my opinion.

 

He was going out to breakfast the other day with some family that we see fairly often.  We also were going to see them later in the day.  I said I would rather skip breakfast because I had things to do, and he actually whined a bit about it being awkward without me.  Well, really, mister?  ;)  I did end up staying home, and he got over it.  It's not too much to ask though for a fairly infrequent work event.

[mamiof5]

I'd not go to the office get together. Would probably have my favorite take out and a glass of wine for dinner, and watch a movie or do something I enjoy. I would not go were I feel that uncomfortable.

 

And I'd make lovely anniversary plans for some other day.

[*****]

foxbridgeacademy,

 

I totally agree, and thank you for saying that. I will have to go alone. I have brought up the idea on more than 1 occasion, He doesn't see it, or doesn't want to admit it. I have a hard time knowing where to begin in choosing a counselor. His insurance will cover some, so that will give me a place to start, at least to give me some names. Still, out of those...it is like choosing curriculum...you want the best, so where to begin?!  

 

[nd293]

Yes. Let him go and enjoy himself without you. Stay home and enjoy yourself alone. I'm an introvert, and it would have to be a pretty critical work function before I went to it with dh. The anniversary can be celebrated on a day that suits you both better.