This may not end well

[Pegasus]

DH has apparently agreed to loan one of our musical instruments to someone we do not know.  It's not an especially valuable instrument (~$300) and we are not currently using it. I would loan it to a friend in a heartbeat. I would loan it to any one of the instructors my DDs have used over the years. No problem.

 

I am very uncomfortable loaning it to someone DH just happened to meet at the music studio. I honestly don't know what he is thinking. He thinks it will be just fine but I keep thinking about all the ways it could go ugly. What if the instrument is not returned or returned damaged?  We'd have no recourse.

 

DH has already made the offer. He knows but doesn't understand my reluctance to go through with the agreement.  My gut is telling me that we will be looking back with regret. *sigh*

[Guest]

When DH brings the instrument it is to be presented with a written contract for repayment of damage or replacement of the instrument in the even it is lost or stolen. Just having it in writing helps tremendously, as my music teacher discovered.

[nd293]

That's the sort of thing my husband would do. My reaction would be exactly what yours is. I'd say 'goodbye' to the instrument now for my own peace of mind. It it all worked out I'd be pleased. And if it didn't I might be calm enough to stick to a single stern "Never again" over repeated "I told you so"s!

[Janeway]

I would go back and just kindly tell him that your dh did not realize the instrument was already spoken for. You do not need to explain that YOU are the one who spoke for it. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

He offered this to a complete stranger?  Even if it under $300, that is a lot of money - at least to me. 

[madteaparty]

If it makes you feel better, I loaned our EV3 set (around the same $ value I would guess) to a poster here. It returned in perfect condition :)

I would be happy that it's being used, personally. And I'm not a particularly generous person, but if it is collecting dust...

[Pegasus]

I love that all of the responses so far are so different, but all full of wisdom!  $300 is a lot of money to me, considering that I stand in the store aisles until I determine if the 45 count for $3.72 or 60 count for $4.83 product is a better value. However, in all honesty, if the instrument disappeared, it wouldn't affect us financially going forward. We wouldn't replace the instrument but we aren't considering selling either, so it is essentially a sunk cost.

 

Yes, a complete stranger, the very first time DH had laid eyes on them.  He knows the instructor, but not the music student to whom he offered the instrument. He's trying to help them out, let them try the instrument for a month before deciding to buy their own. 

 

A written agreement is a very good idea, if DH will go for it.  He's the one who takes DD to music lessons. If it were me going, I would just back out with some excuse, and provide information on where they could rent an instrument

[Guest]

I would turn it into a bet with DH. If he turns out to be right about the stranger's character and the instrument is returned, you will bow to his glorious wisdom and do some favor for him.

If you are right and its lost, then DH has to buy you something of equal value.

I mean, geez, at least try to get something out of the situation :)

[madteaparty]

I love that all of the responses so far are so different, but all full of wisdom!  $300 is a lot of money to me, considering that I stand in the store aisles until I determine if the 45 count for $3.72 or 60 count for $4.83 product is a better value. However, in all honesty, if the instrument disappeared, it wouldn't affect us financially going forward. We wouldn't replace the instrument but we aren't considering selling either, so it is essentially a sunk cost.

 

Yes, a complete stranger, the very first time DH had laid eyes on them.  He knows the instructor, but not the music student to whom he offered the instrument. He's trying to help them out, let them try the instrument for a month before deciding to buy their own. 

 

A written agreement is a very good idea, if DH will go for it.  He's the one who takes DD to music lessons. If it were me going, I would just back out with some excuse, and provide information on where they could rent an instrument

I'd roll my eyes at silly DH and like you say, consider it a lost cost.

But you know the saying, throw a good thing into the river, you never know when it finds its way back to you...

[gardenmom5]

have you put it to your dh in very blunt terms he should expect to kiss that $300 investment goodbye?  how much would it cost you right now to replace the instrument? to have to go find a comparable instrument? it's nice he wants to be helpful - but he needs to be realistic.  if you will eventually need the instrument (whether for use or to sell to buy an upgrade), or cannot easily afford to replace it, he needs to keep it.  If you have to explain to the people you're sorry, your dh didn't realize the instrument isn't available (don't give a specific reason why) and you can't lend it out -do so.

 

I'd  listen to the gut.

 

I had a really nice road bike that I bought myself when I was in school  (I wonder what my mother was thinking letting me buy one so expensive).   dh lent it out to someone because I wasn't using it.  He loved to be 'helpful'.)   I objected, but the deal was done.  it was stolen. I wasn't surprised, and have never had a bike since.

[Shred Betty]

IMHO loaning it to a friend would be worse, it could break up or strain the friendship, even if you forgive the friend if it gets ruined and not paid for it would still be a black cloud. I like the ideas of the other posters, just want to point out a stranger may be more of a suitable match for this than you'd think due to the expectations.

[MomatHWTK]

If we weren't using it, I would be fine with DH giving it away to a stranger. So, not big deal. 

[Rebel Yell]

Maybe the other person has a spouse who is telling them "There is NO WAY we are borrowing an instrument from a stranger! What if it gets broken, or they claim we damaged it? What if they have COOTIES and the cootie germs are all over that instrument?"

 

🙄

[Pegasus]

I mean, geez, at least try to get something out of the situation :)

 

I love the way you think!

 

 

But you know the saying, throw a good thing into the river, you never know when it finds its way back to you...

 

Actually, I don't know that saying, but I like it!  I'm more familiar with "what goes around, comes around" and "if you truly love something, let it go. if it was meant to be, it will come back to you."

 

 

I'd  listen to the gut.

 

I had a really nice road bike that I bought myself when I was in school  (I wonder what my mother was thinking letting me buy one so expensive).   DH lent it out to someone because I wasn't using it.  He loved to be 'helpful'.)   I objected, but the deal was done.  it was stolen. I wasn't surprised, and have never had a bike since.

 

Oops. Lost the quote box.   I do think I'd draw a harder line if it was MY possession that DH was trying to loan out.  It belongs to DD19.

 

IMHO loaning it to a friend would be worse, it could break up or strain the friendship, even if you forgive the friend if it gets ruined and not paid for it would still be a black cloud. I like the ideas of the other posters, just want to point out a stranger may be more of a suitable match for this than you'd think due to the expectations.

Ah, another good point.  Much easier to be upset with someone I don't know.  We have some good friends who destroyed a video game system that DH loaned to them after they destroyed their own.  We don't seem able to learn from our past mistakes.

 

If we weren't using it, I would be fine with DH giving it away to a stranger. So, not big deal. 

You have a generous spirit. :grouphug:

 

Maybe the other person has a spouse who is telling them "There is NO WAY we are borrowing an instrument from a stranger! What if it gets broken, or they claim we damaged it? What if they have COOTIES and the cootie germs are all over that instrument?"

 

🙄

 

Good point!  We definitely have cooties.

Edited August 15, 2016 by Pegasus

[Arcadia]

I do think I'd draw a harder line if it was MY possession that DH was trying to loan out. It belongs to DD19.

How does your daughter feel?

 

My kids have beginner music instruments that they explicitly say can be gifted to whoever needs them. However we won't loan anything of theirs that they are not willing to gift.

[gardenmom5]

 x.   I do think I'd draw a harder line if it was MY possession that DH was trying to loan out.  It belongs to DD19.

 

 

 

now, I'd draw a harder line to protect my kids.  what does she *really* think? not, what does she think because .. dad?  but is she going to one day be upset it's gone? even if she doesn't realize it *yet*?

[Mimm]

I MUCH prefer to give things than lend. If I can't afford to give, then I'm hesitant to lend. Once it's out of my hands, I can't really do anything to make sure the item is taken care of. Sometimes I've verbally "lend" something but mentally, I'm ok with never seeing it again. In my head, it's given away, if I get it back, yay, free thing! ;)

 

All that to say, I'd be very upset if my husband gave something away without my permission and if I wasn't ready to see it gone, I would for sure make some excuse for why they couldn't have it. He didn't know it was lent to someone else, it's damaged in some way and therefore not in lendable condition, whatever.

[Pegasus]

now, I'd draw a harder line to protect my kids.  what does she *really* think? not, what does she think because .. dad?  but is she going to one day be upset it's gone? even if she doesn't realize it *yet*?

 

Hmmm. . .she didn't seem to really care but you make a good point. I'll talk to her privately and see. I have to admit that she hasn't touched the instrument in several months, but it was one I was planning on her taking with her into adulthood in case she wanted to pick it back up.