Jen500 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 I like to encourage my boys to have their friends over, but lately I've felt stressed about providing meals and snacks so I'd love to hear how you handle feeding your kid's friends.  I try to offer what I think are kid-friendly foods-pizza, p&j, spaghetti, cookies, fruits, etc but there are always issues. These kids seem so picky, and sometimes give mini lectures about what foods are 'good' and 'bad'. I'm assuming their families are trying to eat a certain way so I don't really comment, I just try to offer something that fits their need. No sugar, high protein, etc. They want specific brands of foods, specific beverages, only drink bottled water (no tap water), no sugar (but will drink a carton of OJ). Every kid is different and I can't deal with it anymore. The last visitor kept asking for 'healthier foods' but didn't want any fruits or veggies, and couldn't tell me what he meant by healthier. I finally figured out that he just wanted meat, more meat.  My kids just politely eat whatever is offered and take smaller portions of things they don't love. What ever happened to that? Please give me some tips on making this easier and less complicated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 I don't ask. Except for the one friend that is vegetarian, we don't change our normal food choices up much. When her veggie friend is over, DD15 makes sure their snacks work for everyone and gives her dad (the cook) a heads up to have more veggies if friend is staying for a meal.  I understand the "being a good host" thing, but unless you are ready to cater quite a bit, I have found it better to not ask what they would like.  Few of the friends will be in trouble skipping a snack or eating only a little bit of a meal if they don't like the food. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 "Dude, I don't tell your parents what to serve in their house. Â Eat this, or don't." 26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Share Posted August 14, 2016 I don't ask. Except for the one friend that is vegetarian, we don't change our normal food choices up much. When her veggie friend is over, DD15 makes sure their snacks work for everyone and gives her dad (the cook) a heads up to have more veggies if friend is staying for a meal.  I understand the "being a good host" thing, but unless you are ready to cater quite a bit, I have found it better to not ask what they would like.  Few of the friends will be in trouble skipping a snack or eating only a little bit of a meal if they don't like the food. I don't ask...they just start asking for other things and telling me they don't eat xxx food or xx brand and I guess I get sucked into it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Share Posted August 14, 2016 "Dude, I don't tell your parents what to serve in their house. Â Eat this, or don't." LOL. I think this might work for me! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samm Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Â They want specific brands of foods ... Â I couldn't read any more past here. Â I don't have any suggestions other than to stop giving them anything at all to eat. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 (edited) I don't ask...they just start asking for other things and telling me they don't eat xxx food or xx brand and I guess I get sucked into it.Try not to get sucked in Just answer, "this is what I am serving but you are welcome to bring your own meal/snacks/beverages next time". That way even if you have the other desired foods in the house you are not pressured to offer them. Baring medical issue (allergy, celiac, diabetes) there is no reason they can not either eat what you offer or wait until they go home. Â Â Honestly I could not imagine as a teen complaining about the FREE food that my friend's mom offered me. I would have either just politely eaten it or skipped it and ate something else later at home. Edited August 14, 2016 by Ottakee 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Try not to get sucked in Just answer, "this is what we have but you are welcome to bring your own meal/snacks/beverages next time". Â Honestly I could not imagine as a teen complaining about the FREE food that my friend's mom offered me. I would have either just politely eaten it or skipped it and ate something else later at home. Â Oh, please don't tell me these are teenagers! Â I'd have to go back and make my response much more colorful! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 I don't do anyhting special in terms of food. If a friend wants something we don't have I simply state this is what we have. Take it or leave it. I do not engage in conversation about our food choices.  Mostly I offered up popcorn. It is inexpensive and easy to make a lot of.  Friends who have food allergies usually brought their own snacks due to cross contamination issues. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Oh, please don't tell me these are teenagers! I'd have to go back and make my response much more colorful! Maybe I just assumed it was teenagers. Either way my advice stays the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto3innc Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 I don't typically do meals, just snacks. I put a few things out on the counter and tell them they can get a mix of things, or just one thing, or nothing :) I don't ask for suggestions but usually I feel like there's a good mix. The other day when a bunch of kids were here I put out grapes, strawberries, pretzels, and yogurts. Cups for water. Bowls to put things in. If there's allergies I would accommodate those of course but otherwise that's my usual plan. Then kids can get what they like and leave the rest. If they complain, I tell them they're free to bring something along next time for themselves but this is what we have in our house. Take it or leave it. And sometimes I don't do that but just make a huge bowl of popcorn in the air popper and everyone gets their own bowl of it. That is always a hit and easy and cheap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted August 14, 2016 Author Share Posted August 14, 2016 Oh, please don't tell me these are teenagers! Â I'd have to go back and make my response much more colorful! Â These are boys from age 11-16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Yeah, no. I'd just have a reasonable variety of foods on hand. I don't think I'd cater like they seem to expect. I'd assume my kids' friends would eat the same sorts of snacks my kids eat: fruits, veggies, crackers, popcorn, cheese, olives, nuts, granola bars, quesadilla fixings, PB&J, black beans, maybe lunch meat. Pizza and spaghetti sound good to have around for more substantial meals. Sometimes I have fruit snacks around, and I could probably be persuaded to buy ice cream or ice cream bars in the summer for a special treat, or I might bake something, but it would also depend on how frequently people were around too. Water is always an option, but I'm not buying bottled water. I do keep jugs of spring water on hand for the coffee maker, so if someone didn't like our tap water (I do but not everyone does), I'd offer the jugs. Â If I knew someone was vegetarian/vegan or had food allergies, I'd make sure I had options that met those needs, but as for specific brands? No. Only for specific dietary concerns, like if a kid knew that X brand of granola bars was safe for a nut allergy or something. But I'm not buying expensive brands just because some other kids wanted it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 These are boys from age 11-16 Â Oh, just no. I wouldn't allow my own kids to be that rude with me in our own relaxed household. Â Forget some punk dweebs! 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Outside of food allergies or being made aware of a food restriction (due to religion, or whatever), I expect people to be gracious in accepting what's offered. Really, though, it's one of my own that is usually the problem.... but he just turns food down out other places, he doesn't ask for something different. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Oh, just no. I wouldn't allow my own kids to be that rude with me in our own relaxed household. Â Forget some punk dweebs! Â :iagree:Â I'll say it... oh hell no! Â 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Can't say I've had this problem ever. Â My kids have had friends over who have been picky, but they just picked and chose what they wanted to eat from what was offered. Â They never expected me to adjust to fit them. Â Perhaps it's because we knew each other from school? Â Or maybe there are still polite kids being raised elsewhere... Â If I were in your shoes, I'd definitely say, "This is what's offered. Â Take it or leave it. Â I don't mind either way." 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Other than food allergies I don't worry about it. My children can be picky eaters but they are polite when they decline. Sometimes they do ask to see the box or whatever to check for cross-contamination for my youngest who has severe food allergies. I feel as long as I am serving them food that they are able to eat, it is their choice to eat or not. I try not to let rude comments get to me, but it isn't always easy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 "Sorry. That is all I've got." Â They won't starve. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theelfqueen Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 One time I had to tell my nephew that there are TWO appropriate responses to an offer of food "Thank you!" and "No, Thank You!" ... no qualifications (he doesn't have any food restrictions or allergies). Â I haven't had much trouble other than family members and I feel free to correct them if they respond rudely to an offer. ;) Â 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 Send them home to eat if they do not want what you have. You are not running a restaurant. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 (edited) I recommend better "friends" rather than "better" food. Ă°Å¸ËœÂ¡  We buy what we buy. Friends are always welcome, I always feed whomever is here, meal or snacks, for however long they stay. But I do NOT ask for a grocery list.  Very special friends I might make sure to usually have available their favorites, usually Mtn. Dew, or vegan soy-free burgers, and if I'm going to pick up takeout or groceries specifically because we have a visitor I might ask for suggestions. But assuming no life threatening allergies or religious food requirements a child giving ME a grocery list would not end well. Edited August 14, 2016 by Rebel Yell 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 I'm with everybody. Don't support this, or feel bullied by this crazy treatment from guests in your home! Let's all hope their parents would be appalled. Maybe they wouldn't, maybe they've raised their kids to be ungrateful and entitled, but I'd rather assume their parents would be appalled. Â I'd probably say to the kids in the moment, "Please just say, 'yes, please,' or 'no, thank you' when offered something to eat. This is a home, not a restaurant!" I'd be friendly and smiley, but I would say it. Children have parents, teachers, coaches, clergy, bus drivers, and various other adults who tell them when they're misbehaving. It's not THAT unexpected for a friend's parent to have an opinion. Â If my child really loved the friend and planned on having him over often, I might also have a conversation with the parents. "Billy told me he can only eat prime rib with sushi after 5pm, and can't eat desserts except New York cheesecake, and can't drink any kind of water but Perrier. Does he have any other allergies, so I don't accidentally give him something unsafe when he and Johnny want a snack?" Â If they double down on the dietary requirements, this is a child you meet at the movies or the park. If they act all shocked and can't refrain from scolding Billy right in front of you, then you know these are people you can work with. Â Â 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tm919 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 I'm with everybody. Don't support this, or feel bullied by this crazy treatment from guests in your home! Let's all hope their parents would be appalled. Maybe they wouldn't, maybe they've raised their kids to be ungrateful and entitled, but I'd rather assume their parents would be appalled. Â I'd probably say to the kids in the moment, "Please just say, 'yes, please,' or 'no, thank you' when offered something to eat. This is a home, not a restaurant!" I'd be friendly and smiley, but I would say it. Children have parents, teachers, coaches, clergy, bus drivers, and various other adults who tell them when they're misbehaving. It's not THAT unexpected for a friend's parent to have an opinion. Â If my child really loved the friend and planned on having him over often, I might also have a conversation with the parents. "Billy told me he can only eat prime rib with sushi after 5pm, and can't eat desserts except New York cheesecake, and can't drink any kind of water but Perrier. Does he have any other allergies, so I don't accidentally give him something unsafe when he and Johnny want a snack?" Â If they double down on the dietary requirements, this is a child you meet at the movies or the park. If they act all shocked and can't refrain from scolding Billy right in front of you, then you know these are people you can work with. Yes, I had this scenario. I didn't even mean to mention it but it came up in some chit chat that a particular girl declined 4 flavors of ice cream that we had and said she only ate chocolate, vanilla, and mint chocolate chip. Her mom was HORRIFIED even though I mentioned it totally in jest, like I get that when I eat ice cream, it has to be perfect ice cream because I don't get to eat it a lot. But apparently the girl eats EVERY flavor at home, it was only in the homes of others she was trying this! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 I would assume that because their parents don't see them engaging in rude behavior, they do not know this behavior needs some correction. Â I don't think it's my job to correct other people's kids, but I do set gentle boundaries. Similar to what Ottakee said upthread, I'll say, "This is what we've got. We love having you over. You are always welcome to bring your own snacks next time." And I move on. The couple kids that reeeeaaallly don't like our food bring their own if they'll be here for a long time. Â We always have fresh fruit, cheese, crackers, chips and salsa, cut veggies. Some kids devour those foods; others don't eat them. That's their deal, though I do try to be a good host and be mindful of *what we've got available* that the boys' friends will like. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 These are boys from age 11-16 Another heck no. I wouldn't offer anything at this point. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 These are boys from age 11-16 Â Absolutely not. No, Nope. You put out the food, they can eat it or not. The end. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 At my house the choice would be whatever I made, fruit, or air-popped popcorn. These are teen boys. If you wait five minutes they'll cave and eat what's available. I'll bend over backwards to accommodate allergies, but food philosophies and extreme pickiness are not my problem. If a kid's diet is that restrictive they should learn to pack snacks. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted August 14, 2016 Share Posted August 14, 2016 "Dude, I don't tell your parents what to serve in their house. Eat this, or don't." Along with: "Oh well, bring your own next time." Â I don't have much patience for fussy guests. For sleepover meals we usually opt for pizza or meatballs and spaghetti, and save exotic international fare for the family. Snacks are chocolate or biscuits in limited quantity or fruit, eat as much as you need. And I'm always happy to make popcorn. Drinks are mostly tap water, and feel free to dehydrate if you don't like it. Â I figured out my hardline stance on this early when dd had a friend who didn't eat meat (religious reasons). Except chicken. But only chicken nuggets. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schadenfreude Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 I have only had this problem once. I told the child that if he had a reservation somewhere else he was free to leave and come back. The look on his face was priceless and he now brings his own snacks. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Yes, I had this scenario. I didn't even mean to mention it but it came up in some chit chat that a particular girl declined 4 flavors of ice cream that we had and said she only ate chocolate, vanilla, and mint chocolate chip. Her mom was HORRIFIED I was once told my daughter ate 6 sausages for lunch (and nothing else) at someone's house. While I definitely had a chat to my daughter, I also looked at the mother and asked "Why did you let her?". That seemed like a much bigger issue than a 7 year old continuing to eat a favourite food when someone kept handing it over! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 You could try, "If you need something else, I can call your parent and ask them about it?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 I can't imagine kids coming over and bluntly asking for healthier foods!  hmmm  We do eat quite healthily though.  If you're talking dinner we might have homemade pizza or chicken and veggies or something super easy like bean burritos.  In fact, we often had legume-type meals that kids weren't used to eating, but if I could tell they did't like it, I'd offer to make them a grilled cheese sandwich. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 "Billy told me he can only eat prime rib with sushi after 5pm, and can't eat desserts except New York cheesecake, and can't drink any kind of water but Perrier. Does he have any other allergies, so I don't accidentally give him something unsafe when he and Johnny want a snack?" Â :lol: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Oh wow. My kid's friends would never do that. If they don't like Spaghetti then they'll eat an apple or pretzels... not a big deal. I'd go nuts if I had to listen to that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 I think it depends on if you are asking them for suggestions.  If you are asking them for ideas, and they gave you ideas that they thought of from their own homes, then their behavior isn't inappropriate.  To them, maybe they do prefer a certain brand of chips or crackers or bottled water.  It doesn't mean you Have to provide it.  It is just what they are used to.  If you didn't ask and they are just used to getting those items. then I think it is a bit odd, but teens are still learning social graces, so I wouldnt think to much of it.  When my kids have friends hanging around that drink certain sodas, I usually pick up a couple 12 packs when they are on sale.  We typically buy Hansen's Soda, so honestly, buying Dr Pepper or Mt Dew is actually cheaper per can. LOL  If they are asking for a more expensive item that you usually buy then I guess you have to consider if you are willing to budget for it or not.  Quite honestly, we eat middle of the road for nutrition in my house.  The teens who come from ultra strict families were usually pretty happy to get a few Frito Lay chips, an ice cream bar or a can of soda at our house. LOL   For meals, unless you are hosting a sleep over or something that implies a meal is provided, then I would just cook up something cheap and they can eat it or not.  Pasta with sauce is cheap and easy.  Tacos are easy for them to customize. Pizza is obvious. Even microwave burritos are acceptable friend food in our house. For a planned event, just make sure they know ahead of time what is being served and they can bring their own if they are picky. Of course I have always accommodated vegetarians or allergies, but honestly most of my kids friends have just been happy to be provided with foods. When kids are over playing games or what not, I don't ask what they want.  I just put plates/bowls of food on the table and it disappears.  I serve glasses of ice water. Snacks are usually, cheese and crackers, popcorn, zucchini/banana bread, plate of grilled cheese cut into bite size pieces, chips, pretzels. etc.  DD17 is a finicky eater, and always takes snacks like carrots, snap peas, apples, Luna bars, pretzles etc when she goes to friends homes. He close friends are used to it, and honestly it takes the stress off of the parents. She just naturally prefers many foods raw (not a purposeful raw diet) so if she is eating a meal with someone, she will often ask that the save a serving uncooked for her.  She would prefer plain aldente pasta with olive oil, or a marinara sauce than a Ragu with meat.  At almost 18yo, she knows what is pretty easy to accommodate and what is not, so she just asks the cook to please save her a bit of pasta aside before mixing it with sauce. She would never expect someone to make her a special dish or buy certain brands of food. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baseball mom Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 I have never had this problem. The teen boys that hang out here just eat. Eat ALOT but generally just eat whatever I sit out.  One time one of the boys that is over all the time tell me one time he was tired of water. My comment "go home".  ;)   That is what dss & myself were drinking. Another time I fixed popcorn because I was wanting some. I told the boys I had fixed popcorn. Same boy told me "I don't like popcorn". I just said "I know. I didn't fix it for you. I wanted some, I am just sharing with those that like it".    Maybe I am rude but he is here all the time and knows how things are. And he just lives down the street so he can go home. Most of the time he happily eats anything I put out. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 I think it's rude to pull out food you brought along, barring a serious medical issue, when visiting someone else's house, unless you bring enough for everyone to have some. Â I used to host a literature group at my home, and some of the kids started arriving with bags of fast food for themselves. Â I never quite figured out what to do about that. Â I always put snacks out, and a variety, but not an actual meal (it wasn't a meal time.). Â It was very distracting, what with the comparisons of foods, and the crackly bags, and the kids who had this vs those (like mine, ahem) who did not. Â I ended up making more substantial snack foods, like sandwiches, or quesadillas, for the non-bringers, but was not entirely satisfied with that solution. Â Alas, these were younger kids, so really to address it i would have had to talk to their parents. Â And I didn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Haven't read through other responses, but this is rude behavior, IMO. We eat fairly healthy, so I don't often have real "kid-friendly" food in the house. If someone's over and it wasn't expected, they get what we have, maybe crackers and cheese or fruit or hummus and carrots. If they don't want it, fine. I don't sweat it. If they're hungry, they will eat. If there's a scheduled sleepover or party or something, I will get more junky food with input from my kids as far as what everyone enjoys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Wow. I've never had this happen. DS will literally anything put in front of him, as will his friends. Some of them eat like birds compared to him, but they have always be happy with what I offer. I really can't imagine. Â Perhaps as teens they have a different sense of what "kid friendly foods" are. I have noticed a drop off of requests for Mac and cheese, say, to more substantial and yes, healthier options. I can imagine them being a bit put off by what they might consider "little kid" foods. Not judging, I don't care what you serve and I totally agree they shouldn't complain, I'm just sharing an observation from my own teen and his friends. Â It's very common in my circle to send along some food with kids. A bag of popcorn or some fruit or whatever so they are a little more self sufficient at snack time. It's just a nice gesture, a way of appreciating how much they can wolf down and wanting to contribute a bit. I recently sent DS to a friends house with a huge container of leftovers, knowing he would eat more for dinner than the other 3 people combined. In the morning, he woke up early and was ravenous so he made everyone breakfast. :). They loved it. Â I think if my food was being rejected I would let the kids know they can fend for themselves. Offer up some ideas for things they can cook themselves. Perhaps instead of being intentionally rude, they are simply looking for more autonomy. It could be fun seeing what they come up with! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted August 15, 2016 Author Share Posted August 15, 2016 Thank you everyone for your input, it's all been very helpful for me. I think I'm just going to cut back on the visit times of a few of the kids so they can still come over, but fewer mealtimes and fewer sleepovers.  We had a teen over this weekend and he would help himself to something, comment about how awful it was, and then make a big deal about throwing it in the trash. WTF. I served spaghetti w/marinara for dinner and he asked for sauce that didn't have tomato chunks in it. I told him 'This is what I have, and this is what's for dinner'. He then tried to debate with me about how marinara should not have any tomato chunks in it. He was just going on and on about it. Not inviting him back. My kids do have friends that don't act like this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 I think it's rude to pull out food you brought along, barring a serious medical issue, when visiting someone else's house, unless you bring enough for everyone to have some. I used to host a literature group at my home, and some of the kids started arriving with bags of fast food for themselves. I never quite figured out what to do about that. I always put snacks out, and a variety, but not an actual meal (it wasn't a meal time.). It was very distracting, what with the comparisons of foods, and the crackly bags, and the kids who had this vs those (like mine, ahem) who did not. I ended up making more substantial snack foods, like sandwiches, or quesadillas, for the non-bringers, but was not entirely satisfied with that solution. Alas, these were younger kids, so really to address it i would have had to talk to their parents. And I didn't. When I do homeschool clubs, I put "bring a snack to share" on the expectations for each meeting. That way, hopefully every kid will have something they can eat (allergies, food preferences, sensory, family dietary choices, etc), but it also heads off the bringing something just for them-although I have had one mom who has brought her kids with a pizza or a box of Taco Bell tacos to share because she hadn't gotten around to feeding them lunch yet (the kids certainly didn't mind that!). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 (edited) It can be easy to misunderstand kids who are trying to explain something they see as "factual" but they sound like they are being picky. Â In your case the kid both *asked* for smooth sauce, AND explained that a chunky sauce can not be defined as 'Marinara' because it didn't fit the criteria to be 'a Marinara'. However, to him, these might have been distinct, (1) "I prefer smooth tomato sauce, but there isn't any, OK." Then (2) "This isn't actually Marinara, in culinary terms. I fonder why she thinks she can call it that? I'll ask." Â Kids make mistakes like that. Edited August 15, 2016 by bolt. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 (edited) I agree that 11-16 is out of 'kid food' for the most part. If they have been invited for dinner, they have what we have. I serve family style so they can take a small amount to taste before committing. As a host, I make them comfortable by remarkimg that its okay if they put an ingredient to the side...for ex tomato chunks if the taste test doesnt work out for them. However, there are so many that dislike jarred chunks that I just give them no chunk. I also remark that food is an adventure, and we dont always love something new the first time we have it, some things are an acquired taste. If they are staying over, they can make a 'midnight snack'..eggs or something if dinner was challenge. Â With the water bottles, we had some for which a water bottle was a treat. They would drink half and leave the bottles laying around, then get more. So, the bottles are off limits...I told my boys to direct the friend group to chilled tap or gallon jugs of spring water, use cups, and put them in the dishwasher before leaving. Most of the friend group does the same thing, and they all pressure the one who is looking for the treat to be kind to the planet and stop creating plastic waste. Edited August 15, 2016 by Heigh Ho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Thank you everyone for your input, it's all been very helpful for me. I think I'm just going to cut back on the visit times of a few of the kids so they can still come over, but fewer mealtimes and fewer sleepovers.  We had a teen over this weekend and he would help himself to something, comment about how awful it was, and then make a big deal about throwing it in the trash. WTF. I served spaghetti w/marinara for dinner and he asked for sauce that didn't have tomato chunks in it. I told him 'This is what I have, and this is what's for dinner'. He then tried to debate with me about how marinara should not have any tomato chunks in it. He was just going on and on about it. Not inviting him back. My kids do have friends that don't act like this.  Wow - I can't imagine a teen acting like that. Ick. That is really immature for someone approaching adult hood.  Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 I make food. I tell the kids it's there. Done. I don't take orders. Â We've never had a visitor who just helped himself to random contents of my refrigerator or pantry. Never had a visitor who asked for something different, unless in response to "what do you like?" Â Once my dd went for a weekend to a friend's vacation home. I sent a full grocery bag of food because dd is celiac. The family also invited a friend of their ds to come. The friend of the ds saw the grocery bag of food and ate it all. So, a good part of one day of the trip was spent taking dd to a grocery in a remote area trying to find something my dd could eat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 We had a teen over this weekend and he would help himself to something, comment about how awful it was, and then make a big deal about throwing it in the trash. WTF. I served spaghetti w/marinara for dinner and he asked for sauce that didn't have tomato chunks in it. I told him 'This is what I have, and this is what's for dinner'. He then tried to debate with me about how marinara should not have any tomato chunks in it. He was just going on and on about it. Not inviting him back. My kids do have friends that don't act like this.  Do you ever wonder what this kid's home life is like?  Many times I do when social skills are lacking.  There are certainly times when it's the kid, but there are  parents who really never teach skills.  This youngster and I would have some (pleasant) discussions, but teaching teens comes pretty naturally to me.  ;)  We never throw away food at our house.  Leftovers or discards go to the chickens, compost, or the woods for the wild critters to recycle.  It all depends upon what it is.  My "spaghetti" is actually rotini (most of the time) and I either make the sauce totally from fresh tomatoes or add tomatoes (and green peppers, onions, mushrooms, etc) to a canned sauce.  I don't call it marinara.  We just call it all pasta with sauce.  Kids either ate it or separated out parts they didn't like and all was well.  There was one pleasant young lad who didn't like red tomato sauces in general (not even on pizza).  My son shared this info with me ahead of time (the first time), so he had pasta with butter and salt instead and all was fine.  For other meals we generally did sandwiches, hot dogs or burgers, or "ordered" pizzas to the guest's preferences.  (If that lad was here, one was without sauce.)  We've had many youngsters tell my guys that they wish they had us as parents, so I doubt our "feeding standards" were perceived as awful. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lanabug Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 I've had kids do this to me (younger than 12, but still...). Â My response is always, "You're welcome to have a snack here, but this is all I have. Â If you don't like it, go home and eat." Â This is for neighborhood playmates that just casually drop by to play. Â If it's an arranged play date, I'll typically make more effort to have something I know everyone will like or can eat, in the case of allergies. Â I really don't understand the culture of feeding the neighbor kids every time they come over. Â When I was a kid, when we got hungry, we went home and ate, then rejoined the rest of the kids playing. Â We never expected someone else's mom to provide snacks just because we were playing at their house. Â Lana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 We provide food because the friends live too far away to go home and come back. However, its all pre-arranged, not drop in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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