Advice on joining a church

[lanalouwho]

Okay, so here's my problem. I'm not religious but I live in a very religious town. Every homeschooler I know is religious. Every homeschool group in this county (and all surrounding counties) is religious. My brother and his family are members of a local Baptist Church, which hosts things like Upwards basketball for the kids. We have participated in a few of their things because there aren't any non-religious groups around here.

I'm lonely, and have really been craving community lately. I know that I could join this church and there are a lot of great people there. I don't mind my kids being taught about Christianity, because I plan to teach them about all kinds of beliefs. But I think I would feel guilty. As if joining the church would be taking advantage since I have no intention of 'being saved.' I also wouldn't want to really discuss religion. It would be rude, in my opinion, to go to their place of worship and be all, "I don't believe any of this."

So, I'm torn. I really need some sort of connection, and I don't know where else to find it. But I'm not convinced I would find it there, because I would feel guilty and have to filter my thoughts.

What would you do?

 

Sent from my HTCD200LVW using Tapatalk

[Anacharsis]

The Unitarian Universalists might be helpful. Historically they are Christian (Unitarian, in that they reject the Trinity, and Universalist in that they believe in the idea of Universal Salvation), but they took an unusually wide open-door stance towards different religions and welcoming the nominally religious, perhaps due to the Universalist impulse. In many deeply Christian areas, their church has become a low-pressure place for the non-religious or differently-religious to go on Sundays when everything else is closed. :)

[Guest]

You can go to a church - any church - and participate in activities without joining. Joining a church just means you have voting privileges. And to join, yes, you have to believe in the church's tenets of faith.

Edited August 3, 2016 by Kinsa

[Angie in VA]

Some churches require a profession of faith to become a member. Some have a confession that you're a sinner and acknowledge that salvation comes through Christ alone. And some churches have new members vow to submit to the authority of church leadership. 

 

You'd want to consider what membership means in this church. 

 

I think you can enjoy fellowship and your kids can enjoy activities w/o becoming a member of the church. 

 

I'm sorry you're lonely. I hope you find your tribe soon. 

[shinyhappypeople]

Not everyone who goes to a Christian church is a Christian.  Just find a church you like that has a great children/youth program and go.  You can attend without becoming a member.  No one will know what you do/don't believe unless you tell them. 

 

You might feel more comfortable if you do a bit of homework first and understand a bit of where Christians are coming from - not just the official doctrine but why we believe what we do about God, the Bible, etc.  You don't have to agree, but being able to understand and approach Christian beliefs from a point of friendly tolerance will probably do a lot in the way of making you feel more comfortable.  If you want some suggestions for links, just let me know.  

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I really think there is nothing to feel guilty about; it's not true that all the people present are in lockstep agreement on doctrine or faith. Untold millions of spouses are only there because their partner wants the family there, caregivers of elderly persons are there out of love for their charge, non-believing teens are there to obey/honor their parents -- this is something I've known my whole life, having grown up in pretty fundamentalist type churches. There are reasons for going to church besides believing in everything (or anything) that's taught.

 

In our circles, the person would be a "regular attender" but not a "member," because we had baptism and official joining of the church as a requirement for membership. But even in the strictest congregations I remember that the "regular attenders" were accepted and welcomed; that label only existed on the church rolls and in the directory. They did not teach Sunday school or help as laypersons in the worship service. But they were very welcome in the pew, in Sunday school, and at social functions. I agree with Angie in VA that you'd want to find out what was required at different churches...

 

when DH and I moved away from these strict fundamentalist churches, we found ourselves in evangelical churches where people would officially join, but would not have to swear or sign a statement of faith or be baptized. "Seekers" could join the church. So it really varies. The church we're in right now? No statement, just got a certificate after attending a membership class.

 

 

[Tess in the Burbs]

Just attend. Lots of people never join. Some require membership to teach or volunteer. We have attended many churches without ever joining

[Rebel Yell]

My experience is a church would not have you as a member if you are not of the faith. But most would welcome you as a regular attender. We were regular attenders of a church for over 10 YEARS.

 

Good luck!

[SamanthaCarter]

You don't have to join a church to attend. If you join, you'll have to make a public profession of faith. If you did that, yeah, you'd have reason to feel guilty. 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

You don't have to join a church to attend. If you join, you'll have to make a public profession of faith. If you did that, yeah, you'd have reason to feel guilty. 

 

There are many churches that do not require a public profession of faith at any time, and many that do not have formal ceremonies for joining. One would need to research churches on an individual basis to see.

 

[Erica in OR]

We have a group of regular attenders at our church who are not members. We do view them as a part of our church community. We even include them in our church directory as "friends of [name of church]."

 

Erica in OR

[lanalouwho]

 

 

You might feel more comfortable if you do a bit of homework first and understand a bit of where Christians are coming from - not just the official doctrine but why we believe what we do about God, the Bible, etc. You don't have to agree, but being able to understand and approach Christian beliefs from a point of friendly tolerance will probably do a lot in the way of making you feel more comfortable. If you want some suggestions for links, just let me know.

I was actually raised Catholic, and spent many years researching other religions trying to find one I agreed with so I already know the doctrine.

 

I want to thank you all for your replies. I think we might go on a trial basis, and see what happens.

 

Sent from my HTCD200LVW using Tapatalk

[mschickie]

You might want to check out a Methodist Church.  I find they have folks from all different background (lots of former Roman Catholics).  You would not be pressured into joining.  Our church has folks who have been attending for over 20 years but are still not official members.

[Amira]

We've also participated with churches without joining, just for the social aspect, if my particular denomination isn't available. My denomination also has many, many people participating socially and it's not a problem at all. It's okay to do that.

[Starr]

You should be welcomed as part of the community but you do need to be prepared for your children to believe the church teachings and/or sharing whatever you say about it at home.

[Carol in Cal.]

I dunno, I think I would look for something else.

Maybe the Sierra Club.

Maybe a book club.

Maybe a garden society.

 

I'd try to find some community for myself, and THEN I would try to find a good fit for the whole family in some other way.  Because I wouldn't want my kids taught as fact things I disagreed with profoundly, and that would be a 'community' that I would feel very lonely in and that would either further emphasize our family's isolation or isolate us from each other.  Not good. 

 

I don't mean this critically.  I understand the impulse, but I don't think this would go well.

[Ellie]

Okay, so here's my problem. I'm not religious but I live in a very religious town. Every homeschooler I know is religious. Every homeschool group in this county (and all surrounding counties) is religious. My brother and his family are members of a local Baptist Church, which hosts things like Upwards basketball for the kids. We have participated in a few of their things because there aren't any non-religious groups around here.

I'm lonely, and have really been craving community lately. I know that I could join this church and there are a lot of great people there. I don't mind my kids being taught about Christianity, because I plan to teach them about all kinds of beliefs. But I think I would feel guilty. As if joining the church would be taking advantage since I have no intention of 'being saved.' I also wouldn't want to really discuss religion. It would be rude, in my opinion, to go to their place of worship and be all, "I don't believe any of this."

So, I'm torn. I really need some sort of connection, and I don't know where else to find it. But I'm not convinced I would find it there, because I would feel guilty and have to filter my thoughts.

What would you do?

 

 

Well, maybe your craving for community is really a craving for knowing more about God from a Christian point of view. Maybe attending the church--which is not the same as *joining* the church--would be a step that could help you find the community you desire. You wouldn't be the first person to start going to church without having made any kind of commitment. :-)

[Farrar]

I agree with others that attending (not joining) in order to take advantage of the social aspects is okay with many, if not most, churches. Many churches see community engagement and building as part of their mission. And while they want you to believe, many churches are okay with letting you play basketball or help at the soup kitchen or participate in their potlucks without committing to their religious beliefs.

 

It sounds like you're in a Bible Belt sort of town? I'd look into mainline protestant churches - United Methodist or Episcopalian possibly, if they're there - if you decide to go that route.

 

However, I think that looking into a Unitarian church might be an even better solution. The UU's are not a Christian organization, but they have Christian roots. I'd also look into other social opportunities instead of a church. See if there are volunteer opportunities or find a book club or join a garden club or try a yoga class or something. Maybe there are other places to meet people.

[HS Mom in NC]

I'm just wondering if you're as unique in your situation as you think.  What if you started a secular homeschooling group that's open to everyone.  What would happen?  Has anyone tried recently?

 

What if you just started a simple FB group for homeschoolers in your county. I just think sometimes there's more demand for something than most people assume and everyone is waiting for someone else to put something together.

 

We have several FB pages for locals around here. There's one for just for homeschool moms, another for just homeschooling field trips, another for just homeschool leader support, and such.  If you combined homeschool related topics, you might develop some relationships from a wide variety of people and build some community that way.

 

Local Homeschooling FB page that includes:

Questions about homeschooling that FB friends can answer (like here at TWTM boards.)

Things for sale (like Craig's list.)

Events and field trips (like a newsletter.)
Meet and greet get togethers

The opportunity to PM an individual (like all of FB.)
Links to pending legislation (like a state homeschool lobby group.)
Helps and Tips
Funny memes and online links to homeschool humor

No formal membership is required, people can just join, it's a flexible enough format that members could post what's of interest to them at the time and it wouldn't be a lot of maintenance required on your part.