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I have not dealt with an unsupportive spouse, but I do have a son who has all of your daughter's diagnoses plus several more, and my experience was that in order to remediate his weaknesses, I had to be *very* organized and *very* regimented.  The difficult subjects needed to be done every single day for *years*--no summers off (especially!), no weekends off (at least for reading), nothing.  Since those subjects are painful for the child to do, it is up to the parent to exert her will every single day to get things done.  This can be totally exhausting, and the only way I was able to manage was to have school at a set time in a set location with a set order that we did things.

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Oh, that's frustrating!!!  :grouphug:

 

On a practical note, do you know anyone IRL who is an intervention specialist that's homeschool friendly? That might give you some insight into what kind of accommodations and expectations she'd face at school to give him a baseline--but you could control the process of asking, etc. He's likely grasping at straws, but maybe you can give him useful straws to grasp--actual information about what level of intervention they'd do at this age and how likely it is that it will be implemented consistently and effectively.

 

I would try to put the onus on him to research dyslexia options and try to teach some stuff himself if he wants to criticize, but I'm just kind of pushy like that. I didn't used to be so contrary, lol, but I have no patience with this kind of thought process! If you think he's a normally reasonable person, I would proceed as if he's insecure about this, and I would do things that make him feel reassured. 

 

If he's not a reasonable person, you might ignore the rest of this response. :-) (Fair warning!)

 

Does he have any concept that a lot of the four hours per day sitting at a desk as school for that age is keeping kids from eating paste, passing out papers, getting kids into a routine, etc.? It's not all direct instruction, lol! My older one did K-2 in a classroom, and it has its pros, but it's not some idyllic thing, esp. for a kids with learning issues. I know you know that, but maybe he can be made to understand this. 

 

It doesn't hurt (IMO) to make some symbolic gesture that sets him at ease, but he should know that you are making this gesture as a kindness to him and to make him feel included in the education of your children, not because you want to be nitpicked later when you don't do "school at home." For instance, could you have a dedicated partial space, routine, or schedule (of some sort, not super strict) to make him feel better--something that comes his way while also works with you and your personality? If he knows you are doing it just so that he feels like he has some input (but it's not patronizing), would that mean something to him? It would my husband. I would start with something like a space or dedicated area--"DH, I really don't want a schoolroom for xyz reasons, but I do think it could help to have a rolling cart [bookcase, whatever] to corral all of our stuff. If we need to work on a surface, I promise we'll do it, but for now, I really like snuggling on the couch {or whatever you do}, and these things [abc] make me think that it's working." Can you demonstrate in ways that are meaningful to him that you are intervening and doing reasonable things to make your daughter's education complete? Perhaps he's grasping at things that make him feel safe, but he'd accept other evidence if it's offered?

 

He's likely grasping at straws, but maybe you can give him useful straws to grasp.

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I have not dealt with an unsupportive spouse, but I do have a son who has all of your daughter's diagnoses plus several more, and my experience was that in order to remediate his weaknesses, I had to be *very* organized and *very* regimented.  The difficult subjects needed to be done every single day for *years*--no summers off (especially!), no weekends off (at least for reading), nothing.  Since those subjects are painful for the child to do, it is up to the parent to exert her will every single day to get things done.  This can be totally exhausting, and the only way I was able to manage was to have school at a set time in a set location with a set order that we did things.

 

I was kind of afraid to say this lest I sound like I think you can't do school without having to do it your husband's way entirely, but I do agree with a lot of this. (Though how organized you have to be will vary by child and your own sanity.)

 

We have some academic issues, and some therapies tangentially related to learning. For the therapies, we have to have consistency, or we're throwing money down a rabbit hole, and the kids are not benefiting. For instance, my son is probably going to have to do daily exercises every day to even approach functional muscle tone to avoid injury and do daily tasks. He will probably have to do them FOREVER. It sounds silly, but his body loses muscle tone the minute he stops doing something. It's only been in the last year or so that he could ride a bike (he's finishing second grade), but he's had a bike for several years. Until recently, he could not go from lying on the floor to sitting without having to roll around or pull himself up by his arms--he didn't have the muscle strength to do it. He recently strained his shoulder getting stuff out of the mailbox--the mailbox!! (it's sore, not damaged, but he's on restrictions--at 8.5!). This doesn't count the therapies we've completed (OT, VT), and it doesn't count the therapies we're in (speech). This is just the at-home stuff we do so that he can do things 8 y.o. boys ought to be able to do. We're still putting together the reasons for why this is--more evaluations to go.

 

Anyway, some learning issues are like my son's mobility/strength issues. They take consistency and a lot of push from mom and dad. Now, the sum total of that push may not be hours and hours per day, but it's still annoying and takes some determination.

 

You may not need to push now, but at some point, your child will get tired of the work, and then you'll have to.

 

That doesn't mean you can't find ways to do it that fit your philosophy of education or that it has to be just like what your husband envisions! But, it will take consistency.

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Is there any way you could get in touch with a special ed. teacher informally and find out exactly what how much and in what ways the ps would be working with her if she were to go? Maybe even some sample IEP goals?  I ask because you will almost certainly be doing more with her than a ps would and it may be a way getting the issues "in black and white" for your dh. 

 

I agree with the need for structure and consistency. That has been the toughest aspect of hsing kids with special needs for me. 

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I have not dealt with an unsupportive spouse, but I do have a son who has all of your daughter's diagnoses plus several more, and my experience was that in order to remediate his weaknesses, I had to be *very* organized and *very* regimented.  The difficult subjects needed to be done every single day for *years*--no summers off (especially!), no weekends off (at least for reading), nothing.  Since those subjects are painful for the child to do, it is up to the parent to exert her will every single day to get things done.  This can be totally exhausting, and the only way I was able to manage was to have school at a set time in a set location with a set order that we did things.

 

I am just coming to terms with the fact that I have to be regimented and disciplined...and not take three months off in the summer. :-/ But in order for her to make progress I know it needs done. Thank you!

 

Oh, that's frustrating!!!  :grouphug:

 

On a practical note, do you know anyone IRL who is an intervention specialist that's homeschool friendly? That might give you some insight into what kind of accommodations and expectations she'd face at school to give him a baseline--but you could control the process of asking, etc. He's likely grasping at straws, but maybe you can give him useful straws to grasp--actual information about what level of intervention they'd do at this age and how likely it is that it will be implemented consistently and effectively.

 

I would try to put the onus on him to research dyslexia options and try to teach some stuff himself if he wants to criticize, but I'm just kind of pushy like that. I didn't used to be so contrary, lol, but I have no patience with this kind of thought process! If you think he's a normally reasonable person, I would proceed as if he's insecure about this, and I would do things that make him feel reassured. 

 

If he's not a reasonable person, you might ignore the rest of this response. :-) (Fair warning!)

 

Does he have any concept that a lot of the four hours per day sitting at a desk as school for that age is keeping kids from eating paste, passing out papers, getting kids into a routine, etc.? It's not all direct instruction, lol! My older one did K-2 in a classroom, and it has its pros, but it's not some idyllic thing, esp. for a kids with learning issues. I know you know that, but maybe he can be made to understand this. 

 

It doesn't hurt (IMO) to make some symbolic gesture that sets him at ease, but he should know that you are making this gesture as a kindness to him and to make him feel included in the education of your children, not because you want to be nitpicked later when you don't do "school at home." For instance, could you have a dedicated partial space, routine, or schedule (of some sort, not super strict) to make him feel better--something that comes his way while also works with you and your personality? If he knows you are doing it just so that he feels like he has some input (but it's not patronizing), would that mean something to him? It would my husband. I would start with something like a space or dedicated area--"DH, I really don't want a schoolroom for xyz reasons, but I do think it could help to have a rolling cart [bookcase, whatever] to corral all of our stuff. If we need to work on a surface, I promise we'll do it, but for now, I really like snuggling on the couch {or whatever you do}, and these things [abc] make me think that it's working." Can you demonstrate in ways that are meaningful to him that you are intervening and doing reasonable things to make your daughter's education complete? Perhaps he's grasping at things that make him feel safe, but he'd accept other evidence if it's offered?

 

He's likely grasping at straws, but maybe you can give him useful straws to grasp.

 

He is reasonable, and I know if I meet him in the middle he will see that I am doing what needs done, and hopefully doing it well. I just wish he supported me 100% regardless, you know? lol

 

Is there any way you could get in touch with a special ed. teacher informally and find out exactly what how much and in what ways the ps would be working with her if she were to go? Maybe even some sample IEP goals?  I ask because you will almost certainly be doing more with her than a ps would and it may be a way getting the issues "in black and white" for your dh. 

 

I agree with the need for structure and consistency. That has been the toughest aspect of hsing kids with special needs for me. 

 

My (husband's) niece is a special ed. teacher in our neighboring school district. She has been for about seven years. I think she deals with more severely challenged kiddos, though. I will ask her specific questions on what would be done if my child with these diagnoses were in the school. Maybe that will help me to see what needs done, as well as make dh realize we have a great opportunity in being able to homeschool dd. 

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: 

 

This is a hard position to be in.  My DH is not big on homeschooling.   He never has been.  He waffles between tolerating it and out right criticizing it and trying to put the kids back in school.  In your situation I do agree that setting up a daily routine and maybe a checklist of everything you are covering would probably help.  I would also see if he was willing to read up on dyslexia, perhaps the more positive side as well as the tougher sides.  Perhaps books like The Mislabeled Child and the Dyslexic Advantage by Brock and Fernette Eide and Overcoming Dyslexia by Sally Shaywitz might help.  The Dyslexia Empowerment Plan by Ben Foss might help.  Or if he is not into reading then find articles or websites that explain how hard it is to learn to read and how much time this may take and how usually students do much better with a lot of one on one attention then being lost in a large classroom with lots of other students and a teacher that has little time for each individual child and may have NO training in how to remediate dyslexia, not to mention the other issues.

 

Also, while I agree that organization and structure and consistency are really important, I also want to strongly emphasize that your child needs their loves and their interests and their hidden talents and belief in self fed, too, not just the weak areas.  They need time to be children as well.  If all they ever do is work on weak areas they can get the false impression that that is all life will ever be, a struggle, and that they are not actually good at anything.  Yes, create a structured environment and I wouldn't take off much time in the summer, but honestly I don't personally agree with never having any time off.  Everyone needs downtime, IMHO.  My kids have not done well if we take too much time off but they actually do better if we also have down time, vacation time, time that is unstructured or time that is focused on things they do well, KWIM?  This probably depends on the child so maybe in your case your child would do better schooling 6 days a week all year round.  Mine would not and neither would I.  All I am saying, I guess, is just be cognizant of your child's emotional and physical health.  Don't let work on the struggle areas take over your lives and take away from the things your child may be good at and want to do and your time as a family, building important bonds.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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It's kind of weird to expect someone to support you 100% without challenging.  He may be seeing things you're not or be more intuitive on some things.  Maybe the genes came from him and he has feelings about the outcome from the way he was taught?  

 

It's also a little curious to say you've always thought K5 should be relaxed.  You taught school?  Or you're saying with your oldest you did it that way and it worked?

 

I'm like you with the 10 year gap, only you kept going, hehe.  I think it's a challenge to let go of the things that worked for the first child that aren't going to work for the next one, while retaining the things you learned that really do give you wisdom and confidence to prioritize.  I'd encourage you to look deep into your soul to think about what you learned with your first one that DOES apply, and then think clearly about what things are different.

 

For instance, if your first one had no SLDs, they may have slid right into some things that are going to be really unfun for this dc.  I think it's a misnomer to say it must be HARD, because once you push like that you'll shut down her learning.  You should go visit a swanky, high end OG tutor and see how they schedule.  It's hard work for the kids, yes, but it's not as rough as you'd think.  Ok, I can think up really mean things!  Like in an hour session they'll go through quite a few different aspects of LA.  They might do some phonemic awareness drills, decoding, some spelling, some composition, some reading aloud.  So clip clip, a variety of things.  Not one hour of decoding and one hour of spelling and one hour of writing and...  the way homeschoolers try to pile things on.  Just consistent effort.  I think our kids need that variety.  They need it to stay light and within reach, even while it's rocket science for them.  

 

So the more you give yourself PERMISSION to limit what you're doing, to model after lesson plans dyslexia tutors use, the better.  I was just on something, was it the Heart of Reading yahoo group?, and there were Wilson lesson plans.  Or was it on Wilson's site?  Like go snoop, kwim?  People's suggestion to see what an IEP would look like is interesting too.  I can tell you it's the same idea: small chunks of persistent, consistent effort. I don't remember right off the top of my head, but iirc it basically came out to 45 min to an hour a day of LA, by the time you included the regular classtime and Title 5 and intervention pullouts.  It was a combination of things, NOT all hard.  So you want to give yourself permission for that!  You could write up a little plan so you know ok every day we do 10 minutes of phonemic awareness games, then our Barton warm-up and lesson for 20 (however far we get), then some handwriting in a salt tray, then...

 

In school this age would not just be doing 4 hours at a desk!  That 4 hours would include library time and music and field trips and science and nifty videos and computer time and all sorts of things!  So absolutely you'll do 4 hours of school!  At that age they will have share time and read aloud time and PE and...  And you will too!  

 

Kids respond well to structure and clear expectations.  We can go around in circles about that.  There are things I learned from working with dd that are sort of unschooly truths, and I think it's ok to want to HOLD ONTO those things as you move over to the next child.  You may have learned about the value of passion or not forcing something they aren't ready for or about being flexible to roll with their interests or bringing in more choice or...  Whatever it is you learned, you could say ok does this APPLY?  

 

You're not going to mess her up.  You're buying good materials, and you're committed.  You'll get it to work.  But I think it's ok to say what kind of tone do I want, what do I want as priorities?  It's really easy to get SO busy with disability stuff that they aren't getting to pursue their passions.  Like I was thinking to myself that it's HIGH TIME I start reading Shakespeare with ds!  He would love it.  And I want to get him magazines (audio, from NLS/Bard) to go with some of his passions.  I want him to have TIME for those.  That's school and they should have room and space just like anything else!

 

I think because some things are hard, it really doesn't do any good to wish they wouldn't be or pretend they'll come without some unfun work.  I'm setting up a school room for my ds right now.  I'm calling it his *office*.  I think there's a mental difference there, if that makes sense.  An office is a place you design to suit you because you want to make it easier to focus on your work.  School is something people trap you in.  We're not TRAPPED in a school room.  We chose to be in there so we could focus better, and if we're able to transition out and focus somewhere else for some things, that's FINE.  But if some things roll better with less distraction, they just do.  

 

My 17 yo has an office, so to me it's just natural to nurture that mindset in ds as well.  We're choosing to be in there, and if later we want to be somewhere else we can be.  

 

I can't imagine having 3 and 5 yos along with ds.  That would feel chaotic and overwhelming, wow.  You have a plan for them?  You could send them both to a Montessori preschool 3-4 days a week, giving yourself dedicated time to work with your older dc.  Might cost less to do that than to hire a tutor.  Or do they nap?  Or would they watch videos?

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Good suggestions all around. Because dyslexia almost always runs in families, I almost wonder if your husband had some struggles (undiagnosed dyslexia perhaps?), so thus the reason he is trying to 'prove' your daughter should be able to read the book he gave her. Sounds mean, what he did, but perhaps reacting to  is his own inadequacies, so he is acting this way.

 

My husband was never a supporter of homeschooling, and I am a certified teacher!  I have gotten my oldest all the way into a great college and doing well. Sadly, my husband has never come around to telling me or my daughter how proud he is of her accomplishments. Other people have said it, even when he is right there, but I believe he has past issues of his own that he has never dealt with.  Sad. 

 

You are doing the right thing, You will be diligent and will give your daughter far more 1-on-1 than any time spent in special education.  I know, I am a former special education teacher. Continue on and enjoy your time with your daughter. If you are God believing, thank Him for giving you your special little one. He chose you for a purpose.

P.S. The most time most students had in a resource type room was 45-75 minutes daily, if that helps you any. And this was rarely ever 1-on-1, but small groups. 

 

 If he continues to feel strongly against it, perhaps it would be time for him to observe what you do, as well as to observe in the regular ed and  special education class for a full day as well. 

 

Believe!

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Onestep makes a VERY important and overlooked point.

 

We have to teach to their strengths too, not just their weaknesses. They will become discourgaed and disillusioned. I know you don't want that, noone does. So listen to her on that. It's REALLY good advice and one of the most important single kernnels of wisdom I would definitely keep in your pocket and refer to often.

 

With kids like ours, it's so easy to be pressing on diligently and forget, hey, my little dude is swimming in a sea of disheartenment. Praise often the things he's good at, give him opportunities to succeed, MORE than struggling through the hard things. Even if it's game 'play' . there are products in the market today that build the brain in areas that are weak, and for the areas they are strong so they can see, hey , I AM good at something . they so desperately want to be good at something.

 

I would suggest leaving , or a goal to, leave everyday on a positive note. Right now you are laying the foundation for his entire school career. ...and really...life. What we do now matters. They carry that with them through life and determins what they veiw, as self worth. Not that it is, but I've learned through my adult children , *their perception* is really all that matters. Not what we did, but what they perceive that to be.

 

Please if you don't do anything else, play to their strengths .

 

I agree with OhE too, and is so important , clip clip away at a variety of things. Mix it up, your going to have to or you will lose him and all the work you've done will be in vain.

 

Breaks: you're going to have to take lots of breaks. They need time to process , absorb, and clear their head.

 

I keep a pretty rigorous and structured academic schedule here too, but I will tell you ,( of my 5 children, 3 are LC)and I cannot stress this enough, they are going to HAVE to, not want, not it's nice sometimes , NEED some time off.

I school through the summer too, but we take weeks off here and there and the child and his stamina will dictate this. A schedule is all fine and well, I have one too, but they are going to need some summer breaks .

Weekends? YES! go have fun as a family, watch a movie, talk a walk and have a picnic .

 

I will promise you, schooling all through summer and no weekend breaks will quickly burn you and your children out. Noone is happy or learning then, and that's just not good.

Then, you start to consider the PS route, then before you know it? Things get worse .

I'm just speaking from personal experience schooling 5 kids for 20 years.

 

Please do not lose your joy for you and your family. It does affect the whole family.

 

Have fun mama! :) find educational games , what t.v. shows like Davey crocket , play with letter tiles at lunch, go to a lake and after you've played in the

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Water, do a habitat study, water animals, what have you, go to the library, etc.

 

Have fun and learn.

 

The biggest way to win dear hubby over ? .....RESULTS! Lol :)

 

You can have actual class seat learning AND fun learning.

With guys like ours? Most affective way? ...FUN learning :)

 

So go have some fun and teach your babies will doing it :)

They are only young once mama, enjoy and treasure the time :)

 

Praying for you.

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PS. I heard a mom of a 2e kid on here say, her son watched star wars, then went and got the solar system book out and ate it up.

Even told the therapist at the next session, no. That planet does this not that then continued to elaborate lol. I loved that!

 

You just never know what's going to spark these kids. Explore that wonderful beautiful mind of his :)

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Ok, I'll say one thing very discretely, and I think it's something you already intuitively know.  I think we can think about the GOOD in our husband's ideas, like their values, what they're trying to communicate, and make sure those *values* as parents communicate to our kids through our approach, even if we have to tweak things a bit to keep things appropriate.  

 

I'm speaking jibberish there.  But there really is a sense in which we can have a set of values and they can have a set of values, and we can make sure the good of BOTH get communicated.  But I do think we need to shield them from the anxiety portion.  We can reassure our dh's when we go I have a plan, I'm using these professional materials, here's the scope and sequence, here's my proposed timetable.  

 

It's very hard because their insecurities can snowball with our insecurities!  

 

I'm just curious (because I can't remember, lol), did your dd pass the Barton screening?  I was just trying to think about what you're doing for this auditory memory issue and how that impacts your Barton.  And does she need to be seen by an audiologist for that?

 

You know, just a wild card to throw out, but I think sometimes you have to pull his bluff.  You say hey, I'm not cool with ps right now because she has complex SN and would fall through the cracks, but if you don't feel confident in my teaching I'm HAPPY to hire a certified tutor.  They're $65 (80, whatever) dollars an hour and here's the name.  If you don't like how I'm handling it, NO PROBLEM.  And we'd need to do that 4 days a week btw.  And that's $1K a month.  

 

Like play his bluff, you know?  You don't have to stand there like a doormat.  Not that you are in your marriage, but you have to REALIZE what you're WORTH when you do this.  And if he's not confident in you, no biggee, you're happy to farm it out and hire the person.  I do speech therapy stuff with my ds, which makes me worth $110 an hour.  I do the reading intervention with my ds, and around here, for his level of challenges, that would be $80 an hour.  I'm worth a LOT and I make no bones about saying it.  If I need a break and he has to clean the kitchen, fine.  When I look like I'm doing NOTHING, I'm learning and thinking through things so I can do that $$$$$$$$ work.  And on our budget, those interventions are $$$$$$$!!!!!

 

So sure, find the tutor you'd use.  You ought to anyway.  When your dc has complex SN, you want to write what's called a Letter of Intent.  You file a copy with your dh, whoever, and it lists out the interventions, the people, your dreams, your vision, anything.  My ds has an IEP, which helps, but even that doesn't connect those things to the actual people, to goals.  So I'm ALWAYS on the lookout for providers, even if I don't plan to use them, because I want to know that I have a back-up.  If I'm incapacitated or dead, here's the list, things can go on.  And that's two-fold, because then I have that information for whoever would be caring for him AND I have that data to use as leverage in discussions.  

 

Tell him the truth.  In our school district NO ONE is certified in OG.   :svengo:  Not OG, not Wilson, not anything even remotely close.  Next district over, yes.  Our district, no.  So there IS NO ps option when the ps literally doesn't choose to have someone trained in the evidence-based, effective methodology for the disability.  Don't even get me started.  So ps here is not an option, which means that $$$ tutor would be it.  So gather the facts, stand your ground.  As long as your ground is saying you plan to have consistent intervention and expectations and to work in amounts comparable to what a certified tutor would suggest, I think you have really firm ground.  I think it's when we diverge and go well, maybe I don't have to do THAT part, maybe it's not THAT bad, then we can end up in problems.  But you're not saying that, kwim?  You're on board with best practices here.  You're trying to merge what you hoped school would be with reality and get a picture that is her best reality.  You'll be great!  :)

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

This is a hard position to be in.  My DH is not big on homeschooling.   He never has been.  He waffles between tolerating it and out right criticizing it and trying to put the kids back in school.  In your situation I do agree that setting up a daily routine and maybe a checklist of everything you are covering would probably help.  I would also see if he was willing to read up on dyslexia, perhaps the more positive side as well as the tougher sides.  Perhaps books like The Mislabeled Child and the Dyslexic Advantage by Brock and Fernette Eide and Overcoming Dyslexia by Sally Shaywitz might help.  The Dyslexia Empowerment Plan by Ben Foss might help.  Or if he is not into reading then find articles or websites that explain how hard it is to learn to read and how much time this may take and how usually students do much better with a lot of one on one attention then being lost in a large classroom with lots of other students and a teacher that has little time for each individual child and may have NO training in how to remediate dyslexia, not to mention the other issues.

 

Also, while I agree that organization and structure and consistency are really important, I also want to strongly emphasize that your child needs their loves and their interests and their hidden talents and belief in self fed, too, not just the weak areas.  They need time to be children as well.  If all they ever do is work on weak areas they can get the false impression that that is all life will ever be, a struggle, and that they are not actually good at anything.  Yes, create a structured environment and I wouldn't take off much time in the summer, but honestly I don't personally agree with never having any time off.  Everyone needs downtime, IMHO.  My kids have not done well if we take too much time off but they actually do better if we also have down time, vacation time, time that is unstructured or time that is focused on things they do well, KWIM?  This probably depends on the child so maybe in your case your child would do better schooling 6 days a week all year round.  Mine would not and neither would I.  All I am saying, I guess, is just be cognizant of your child's emotional and physical health.  Don't let work on the struggle areas take over your lives and take away from the things your child may be good at and want to do and your time as a family, building important bonds.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

My husband does enjoy reading-he just lacks the time at this stage in his life. Of the books you mentioned, which would be the most helpful for him? DD loves crafts and science experiments. Yesterday we spent most of the day in the kitchen making slime and causing reactions. :-) I will definitely continue trying to figure out her interests and working with them. 

 

It's kind of weird to expect someone to support you 100% without challenging.  He may be seeing things you're not or be more intuitive on some things.  Maybe the genes came from him and he has feelings about the outcome from the way he was taught?  

 

It's also a little curious to say you've always thought K5 should be relaxed.  You taught school?  Or you're saying with your oldest you did it that way and it worked?

 

I'm like you with the 10 year gap, only you kept going, hehe.  I think it's a challenge to let go of the things that worked for the first child that aren't going to work for the next one, while retaining the things you learned that really do give you wisdom and confidence to prioritize.  I'd encourage you to look deep into your soul to think about what you learned with your first one that DOES apply, and then think clearly about what things are different.

 

For instance, if your first one had no SLDs, they may have slid right into some things that are going to be really unfun for this dc.  I think it's a misnomer to say it must be HARD, because once you push like that you'll shut down her learning.  You should go visit a swanky, high end OG tutor and see how they schedule.  It's hard work for the kids, yes, but it's not as rough as you'd think.  Ok, I can think up really mean things!  Like in an hour session they'll go through quite a few different aspects of LA.  They might do some phonemic awareness drills, decoding, some spelling, some composition, some reading aloud.  So clip clip, a variety of things.  Not one hour of decoding and one hour of spelling and one hour of writing and...  the way homeschoolers try to pile things on.  Just consistent effort.  I think our kids need that variety.  They need it to stay light and within reach, even while it's rocket science for them.  

 

So the more you give yourself PERMISSION to limit what you're doing, to model after lesson plans dyslexia tutors use, the better.  I was just on something, was it the Heart of Reading yahoo group?, and there were Wilson lesson plans.  Or was it on Wilson's site?  Like go snoop, kwim?  People's suggestion to see what an IEP would look like is interesting too.  I can tell you it's the same idea: small chunks of persistent, consistent effort. I don't remember right off the top of my head, but iirc it basically came out to 45 min to an hour a day of LA, by the time you included the regular classtime and Title 5 and intervention pullouts.  It was a combination of things, NOT all hard.  So you want to give yourself permission for that!  You could write up a little plan so you know ok every day we do 10 minutes of phonemic awareness games, then our Barton warm-up and lesson for 20 (however far we get), then some handwriting in a salt tray, then...

 

In school this age would not just be doing 4 hours at a desk!  That 4 hours would include library time and music and field trips and science and nifty videos and computer time and all sorts of things!  So absolutely you'll do 4 hours of school!  At that age they will have share time and read aloud time and PE and...  And you will too!  

 

Kids respond well to structure and clear expectations.  We can go around in circles about that.  There are things I learned from working with dd that are sort of unschooly truths, and I think it's ok to want to HOLD ONTO those things as you move over to the next child.  You may have learned about the value of passion or not forcing something they aren't ready for or about being flexible to roll with their interests or bringing in more choice or...  Whatever it is you learned, you could say ok does this APPLY?  

 

You're not going to mess her up.  You're buying good materials, and you're committed.  You'll get it to work.  But I think it's ok to say what kind of tone do I want, what do I want as priorities?  It's really easy to get SO busy with disability stuff that they aren't getting to pursue their passions.  Like I was thinking to myself that it's HIGH TIME I start reading Shakespeare with ds!  He would love it.  And I want to get him magazines (audio, from NLS/Bard) to go with some of his passions.  I want him to have TIME for those.  That's school and they should have room and space just like anything else!

 

I think because some things are hard, it really doesn't do any good to wish they wouldn't be or pretend they'll come without some unfun work.  I'm setting up a school room for my ds right now.  I'm calling it his *office*.  I think there's a mental difference there, if that makes sense.  An office is a place you design to suit you because you want to make it easier to focus on your work.  School is something people trap you in.  We're not TRAPPED in a school room.  We chose to be in there so we could focus better, and if we're able to transition out and focus somewhere else for some things, that's FINE.  But if some things roll better with less distraction, they just do.  

 

My 17 yo has an office, so to me it's just natural to nurture that mindset in ds as well.  We're choosing to be in there, and if later we want to be somewhere else we can be.  

 

I can't imagine having 3 and 5 yos along with ds.  That would feel chaotic and overwhelming, wow.  You have a plan for them?  You could send them both to a Montessori preschool 3-4 days a week, giving yourself dedicated time to work with your older dc.  Might cost less to do that than to hire a tutor.  Or do they nap?  Or would they watch videos?

 

No, dh doesn't have any LDs in his family. The ONLY thing I can think of is my brother was a horrible student and probably never read a book-he was always a grease monkey and into machine shop at school. So maybe his reading difficulties were possibly dyslexia that went undiagnosed??

 

No, I'm not a teacher and my oldest dd went to ps for Kindy. lol So I have no experience other than dd(that we're currently discussing)...I just meant the philosophy which resonates with me (Charlotte Mason) teaches no formal schooling until age 6. Can I talk of CM on a classical board?! Lol My oldest dd had no learning disabilities and learned to read the first six weeks of Kindy--like chapter books. So I just assumed that's the way it was for everyone. I'm learning now that all kids are different. 

 

I think I'm struggling dd may not love books the way DH, oldest DD, and myself love books. Maybe she will, Idk? Also, I've done the first 12 weeks of Ambleside Online Year 1 with dd and I LOVE it! At this point of course we're doing audio books in the car, or I'm reading everything aloud, but I had big plans that in a year or two she would be devouring all of this great literature and discussing it with me. Will this still be the case? 

 

Yes, it will be hard with the 3 and 5yos. We can't afford to put them in preschool, especially with the money we're spending on speech therapy and Barton and... They don't take naps unless they fall asleep in the car, but they'll watch videos all right. Once we start school next week I was going to cancel Netflix bc my kids watch way too much tv, but I think I'll use that to my advantage when teaching dd. The only problem is, she loves tv, too, so she'll be upset that they get to watch tv without her. Oh, wait. Dh doesn't go to work until 10:00am each morning, so I go do dd's one-on-one teaching before he leaves. That way he can occupy the other two kids. That plan just might work!

 

Good suggestions all around. Because dyslexia almost always runs in families, I almost wonder if your husband had some struggles (undiagnosed dyslexia perhaps?), so thus the reason he is trying to 'prove' your daughter should be able to read the book he gave her. Sounds mean, what he did, but perhaps reacting to  is his own inadequacies, so he is acting this way.

 

My husband was never a supporter of homeschooling, and I am a certified teacher!  I have gotten my oldest all the way into a great college and doing well. Sadly, my husband has never come around to telling me or my daughter how proud he is of her accomplishments. Other people have said it, even when he is right there, but I believe he has past issues of his own that he has never dealt with.  Sad. 

 

You are doing the right thing, You will be diligent and will give your daughter far more 1-on-1 than any time spent in special education.  I know, I am a former special education teacher. Continue on and enjoy your time with your daughter. If you are God believing, thank Him for giving you your special little one. He chose you for a purpose.

P.S. The most time most students had in a resource type room was 45-75 minutes daily, if that helps you any. And this was rarely ever 1-on-1, but small groups. 

 

 If he continues to feel strongly against it, perhaps it would be time for him to observe what you do, as well as to observe in the regular ed and  special education class for a full day as well. 

 

Believe!

Thank you for your kind words!

 

Onestep makes a VERY important and overlooked point.

 

We have to teach to their strengths too, not just their weaknesses. They will become discourgaed and disillusioned. I know you don't want that, noone does. So listen to her on that. It's REALLY good advice and one of the most important single kernnels of wisdom I would definitely keep in your pocket and refer to often.

 

With kids like ours, it's so easy to be pressing on diligently and forget, hey, my little dude is swimming in a sea of disheartenment. Praise often the things he's good at, give him opportunities to succeed, MORE than struggling through the hard things. Even if it's game 'play' . there are products in the market today that build the brain in areas that are weak, and for the areas they are strong so they can see, hey , I AM good at something . they so desperately want to be good at something.

 

I would suggest leaving , or a goal to, leave everyday on a positive note. Right now you are laying the foundation for his entire school career. ...and really...life. What we do now matters. They carry that with them through life and determins what they veiw, as self worth. Nit that it is, but I've learned through my adult children , *their perception* is really all that matters. Not what we did, but what they perceive that to be.

 

Please is you don't do anything else, play to their strengths .

 

I agree with OhE too, and is so important , clip clip away at a variety of things. Mix it up, your going to have to or you will lose him and all the work you've don't will be in vain.

 

Breaks: you're going to have to take lots of breaks. They need time to process , absorb, and clear their head.

 

I keep a pretty rigorous and structured academic schedule here too, but I will tell you ,( of my 5 children, 3 are LC)and I cannot stress this enough, they are going to HAVE to, not want, not it's nice sometimes , NEED some time off.

I school through the summer too, but we take weeks off here and there and the child and his stamina will dictate this. A schedule is all fine and well, I have one too, but they are going to need some summer breaks .

Weekends? YES! go have fun as a family, watch a movie, talk a walk and have a picnic .

 

I will promise you, schooling all through summer and no weekend breaks will quickly burn you and your children out. Noone is happy or learning then, and that's just not good.

Then, you start to consider the PS route, then before you know it? Things get worse .

I'm just speaking from personal experience schooling 5 kids for 20 years.

 

Please do not lose your joy for you and your family. It does affect the whole family.

 

Have fun mama! :) find educational games , what t.v. shows like Davey crocket , play with letter tiles at lunch, go to a lake and after you've played in the

Thank you for all the ideas!

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Ooo wow, if your dh is there till 10, then that sounds like a fabulous plan!  

 

Does she LIKE the Ambleside?  Is she doing well with it?  Dyslexics can really like books, but they might interact with the books differently.  My ds DEVOURS books, but he devours them on audio.  He's conversant on many books.  :)  If she's doing well with Ambleside, then you're fine.  So you're frustrated that she won't be able to read them?  There are 3 major services for people with print disabilities.  We've had threads explaining them.  You can get your ped to sign the forms, psych to sign the others, and get her hooked up.  That's what I'm finally getting around to for ds.  I want to see if I can get him magazines on topics that interest me.

 

You know, when ds was just starting, Heathermomster (hope she doesn't mind me sharing this) kindly made the comment that at that stage with her ds things also seemed hopeless.  I'm like no way, I've met him, he's uber smart, he's doing well, he's fine, he's psychologically healthy, things are fine!  And she's like yeah but at age little, it seemed like a hopeless mountain to climb, hopeless.  Kind of gave me permission to feel hopeless but also know it would get better.

 

How is the speech stuff going?  Has she had language testing?  My ds has verbal apraxia in his mix, and while is vocab is high (hurray for audiobooks!), his actual language was way too low to allow him to work at IQ level. Your SLP might have the CELF or CASL to give you some information there.  Data would be your friend on this. For us *language* work has been important to the reading process.  That's why I was asking about audiology, because the reading is going to be ALL the pieces coming together.  If there are glitches there, you will end up needing to work on them.  That's why she's complex.  But you can do this!  Nothing they do is typically so brilliant.  It's just that there are so many PIECES that you feel like you're doing a 30,000 piece puzzle with a bottle of glue going STICK, hold still!   :lol:

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Ok, I'll say one thing very discretely, and I think it's something you already intuitively know.  I think we can think about the GOOD in our husband's ideas, like their values, what they're trying to communicate, and make sure those *values* as parents communicate to our kids through our approach, even if we have to tweak things a bit to keep things appropriate.  

 

I'm speaking jibberish there.  But there really is a sense in which we can have a set of values and they can have a set of values, and we can make sure the good of BOTH get communicated.  But I do think we need to shield them from the anxiety portion.  We can reassure our dh's when we go I have a plan, I'm using these professional materials, here's the scope and sequence, here's my proposed timetable.  

 

It's very hard because their insecurities can snowball with our insecurities!  

 

I'm just curious (because I can't remember, lol), did your dd pass the Barton screening?  I was just trying to think about what you're doing for this auditory memory issue and how that impacts your Barton.  And does she need to be seen by an audiologist for that?

 

You know, just a wild card to throw out, but I think sometimes you have to pull his bluff.  You say hey, I'm not cool with ps right now because she has complex SN and would fall through the cracks, but if you don't feel confident in my teaching I'm HAPPY to hire a certified tutor.  They're $65 (80, whatever) dollars an hour and here's the name.  If you don't like how I'm handling it, NO PROBLEM.  And we'd need to do that 4 days a week btw.  And that's $1K a month.  

<snip>

 

Tell him the truth.  In our school district NO ONE is certified in OG.   :svengo:  Not OG, not Wilson, not anything even remotely close.  Next district over, yes.  Our district, no.  So there IS NO ps option when the ps literally doesn't choose to have someone trained in the evidence-based, effective methodology for the disability.  Don't even get me started.  So ps here is not an option, which means that $$$ tutor would be it.  So gather the facts, stand your ground.  As long as your ground is saying you plan to have consistent intervention and expectations and to work in amounts comparable to what a certified tutor would suggest, I think you have really firm ground.  I think it's when we diverge and go well, maybe I don't have to do THAT part, maybe it's not THAT bad, then we can end up in problems.  But you're not saying that, kwim?  You're on board with best practices here.  You're trying to merge what you hoped school would be with reality and get a picture that is her best reality.  You'll be great!   :)

When I did the Barton screening with dd about six months(?) ago she passed 1 and 2, but barely passed part 3. She probably DOES need to see an audiologist, but I don't know were to even start to find one that's worth anything, and I can't fork out much more money for evaluations. Can I just assume she has APD and make those accommodations here at home, or are there different kinds that would affect treatment? One thing I am worried about with Barton is...I was watching the training videos online and when Susan was doing the example of Lesson 1 Procedure 3, I believe, she had the "student" drag down the nonsense two phoneme word, and then she said "Okay now I'm going to replace this sound with /m/". I can't see where dd will be able to do that. She won't be able to remember that the initial word was /ba/ to be able to replace it with /ma/. Does that make sense? I would have to keep reminding her, and I'm not sure if that's "allowed". I haven't finished the videos yet. Will I just keep going over that lesson each day until she finally can do it? idk. 

 

I will definitely explain to dh what seeing a tutor would involve, financially and time-wise. I think once I get started and he sees us consistently "doing school" and hopefully sees dd progressing, he'll back off a bit and be supportive. 

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So yes, there's going to be a gap between her cognitive (what she's ready to ear read) and what's she's physically ready to eye read.  It may come together later.  

 

At least she likes the books.  My ds has enough comprehension issues and social thinking issues and whatnot that things I loved from dd (SL read alouds, etc.) have been completely lost on him.  He's multiple years behind there.  But, you know, even that is finally looking up!  I'm finally going ok, I think he could do x now.  It's just later.

 

So yes, it will be a different journey.  My dd reads Machiavelli for pleasure.  Clearly ds is going to be different.  But you'll get in mode and adjusted and it will be ok.  There's a lot of grief with a new diagnosis.  It's partly our own grief of what we thought it was going to be and coming up with a different, happy vision.  That's why I do a lot of that thinking about ok, what are the immutable truths and values I want to convey (value of hard work, pleasure of passions, sense of purpose, caring about people, etc.) vs. what was just a methodology.  

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Yes, she likes Ambleside as well as anything else. She'd rather be playing games and watching tv, of course. ;-) 

 

We had to temporarily stop speech bc we couldn't afford it. Public school starts this week here, so I'm going to go through the process to get her and ds in speech through them, as much as I hate to do it. I just can't keep shelling out $200 a month for a private therapy. DD did splendidly the short time she was in speech. She actually says everything right most of the time now. Her only problem was she couldn't say a couple of letters that at her age she should have been saying. 

 

I don't believe she's had any language testing. In the IQ testing the psych did, she was high average in verbal comprehension and perceptual reasoning. Does that mean anything? She is able to narrate back to me the stories I read to her. 

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Well what you're describing there is low working memory.  Heathermomster said something else to me, and I won't remember how she said it exactly.  I was whining to her because our neuropsych ($$$$, grrrrr) said parents of dyslexics should NOT teach their kids.  Your dh might be rattling you, but I'm telling you that REALLY rattled me!   :huh:  And finally Heathermomster explained (not a quote) that basically it's not going to be fun, it IS going to be rocket science, and many parents don't have the guts to do the hard work it's going to take.  

 

You don't want to flip them out, and you're going to need short sessions, rewards, physical movement to get her brain in gear, etc., etc.  But reality is, it's not going to be easy for her.  You're trying to get her brain to make connections that aren't there yet, and it's HARD!  Now we can make it easier.  We can back it up with real life games.  Like to me, with what you're describing, I would take the skills of the first Barton lesson and do them PHYSICALLY, kinesthetically, with something big or even in motion, before you ever go close to the tiles, kwim?  Like do them with beanie babies and then jumbo banana grams.  She has to increase her working memory, and doing with games and other ways is valid too.  Then when a little bit is easy, then transfer it over to the more abstract.  

 

You might google site search the boards for games for working memory.  Work on it a bunch of ways.  What I did with my ds at that age was ask for 4 sessions of 10-15 min.  Ten min was the goal, and they might be 8 if he was super focused and 15 if he was not.  So if you structure it that way, knowing you're planning 4-6 of those brief sessions, then you can do games for working memory, etc. and still know you're working on skills for your goals.  

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Yes, she likes Ambleside as well as anything else. She'd rather be playing games and watching tv, of course. ;-) 

 

We had to temporarily stop speech bc we couldn't afford it. Public school starts this week here, so I'm going to go through the process to get her and ds in speech through them, as much as I hate to do it. I just can't keep shelling out $200 a month for a private therapy. DD did splendidly the short time she was in speech. She actually says everything right most of the time now. Her only problem was she couldn't say a couple of letters that at her age she should have been saying. 

 

I don't believe she's had any language testing. In the IQ testing the psych did, she was high average in verbal comprehension and perceptual reasoning. Does that mean anything? She is able to narrate back to me the stories I read to her. 

 

Our speech therapy is $880 a month.   :svengo:

 

That's good!  Well just kinda bug them.  If you can show ANY evidence of language concerns, the ps can be compelled to run language testing like the CELF as part of their eval.  But it may not be an issue, which is good!  :)  

 

Do you play games with her?  She sounds like a very fun, creative girl!  Games usually have a strong working memory component, so playing games, especially with an audio component, would be super valuable to her right now!!  

 

Our library has a game lending thing now.  Sometimes colleges will have a teacher library with games too.  If you can get something like that, it might expand your options.  You could *start* at 8:30 with a game (just to make her really motivated to show up!), do your Hour of Power reading instruction time, and then have 30 minutes at the end for more games.  And of course you'd be snazzy and pick games that work on your target skills like working memory.   :thumbup:  

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My husband does enjoy reading-he just lacks the time at this stage in his life. Of the books you mentioned, which would be the most helpful for him? DD loves crafts and science experiments. Yesterday we spent most of the day in the kitchen making slime and causing reactions. :-) I will definitely continue trying to figure out her interests and working with them. 

 

 

No, dh doesn't have any LDs in his family. The ONLY thing I can think of is my brother was a horrible student and probably never read a book-he was always a grease monkey and into machine shop at school. So maybe his reading difficulties were possibly dyslexia that went undiagnosed??

 

No, I'm not a teacher and my oldest dd went to ps for Kindy. lol So I have no experience other than dd(that we're currently discussing)...I just meant the philosophy which resonates with me (Charlotte Mason) teaches no formal schooling until age 6. Can I talk of CM on a classical board?! Lol My oldest dd had no learning disabilities and learned to read the first six weeks of Kindy--like chapter books. So I just assumed that's the way it was for everyone. I'm learning now that all kids are different. 

 

I think I'm struggling dd may not love books the way DH, oldest DD, and myself love books. Maybe she will, Idk? Also, I've done the first 12 weeks of Ambleside Online Year 1 with dd and I LOVE it! At this point of course we're doing audio books in the car, or I'm reading everything aloud, but I had big plans that in a year or two she would be devouring all of this great literature and discussing it with me. Will this still be the case? 

 

Yes, it will be hard with the 3 and 5yos. We can't afford to put them in preschool, especially with the money we're spending on speech therapy and Barton and... They don't take naps unless they fall asleep in the car, but they'll watch videos all right. Once we start school next week I was going to cancel Netflix bc my kids watch way too much tv, but I think I'll use that to my advantage when teaching dd. The only problem is, she loves tv, too, so she'll be upset that they get to watch tv without her. Oh, wait. Dh doesn't go to work until 10:00am each morning, so I go do dd's one-on-one teaching before he leaves. That way he can occupy the other two kids. That plan just might work!

 

Thank you for your kind words!

 

Thank you for all the ideas!

1.  If you keep books feeling like a good thing, lots of cuddles with your read alouds and interesting stories, etc., while you work on her acquiring her own ability to read separately then yes she may very well end up loving reading.  Just PLEASE try to keep your husband from "pop quizzing" her when she hasn't even begun to get started on this journey.   Reading acquisition may take a LOT of time and effort.  She needs her effort acknowledged, not randomly challenged to prove that homeschooling isn't working.

 

2.  A book to start with might be The Mislabeled Child by Brock and Fernette Eide.  Another book that might help is How to Homeschool Your Struggling Learner by Kathy Kuhl.

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I am confused.  Is auditory memory disorder another name for APD?

 

I was confused by that, too, and really should have asked the psych. I believe since he isn't an audiologist (and dd isn't yet 7), he couldn't diagnose her as having APD. So that is more of the symptoms she's having. Does that make sense??

 

ETA: This of course is all speculation on my part. lol

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Yes, we do play games. Our most recent ones have been Spot It and Set, although I don't think those will help working memory. I should probably bring out one of the Memory games we have. The psych also diagnosed her with ADHD inattentive, but I find that so hard to believe that I didn't mention it in this thread.  :tongue_smilie: Although, in researching ADHD I think I've discovered that *I* may have ADD. I have almost every symptom!  :ohmy: So, if it is genetic (is it?), then I guess it is a possibility that DD has it. 

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Just chiming in to say that yes, dyslexics can love reading!

 

I tutored a wonderful boy a few years ago, starting when he was 7. We did intense tutoring for about six months, and then went to 2-3 times a week. I said to him later on, "wow, you love books now!" and he replied, "I ALWAYS loved books. I just couldn't read them!"

 

So, yes. Dyslexics can love books as much as anyone :) You don't know the extent of her reading ability yet, so you may be surprised with the pace of her progress... it maybe faster or slower than what you're expecting. Whatever you do, make sure you have lots of fun library books around the house :)

 

You sound like you're going to be a GREAT reading teacher. Once you learn about it some more, I think you'll find that it's really fascinating and fun. I hope your husband can become familiar with the materials too, and books/articles about dyslexia. Could you leave them in a prime reading spot (like.... the bathroom? LOL  :laugh:

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OhE mentioned games and I touched on that too.

 

Games have been an incredible way for my kids to learn. Essential in fact .

 

Someone put a link o the other day about mindwares or something like that?

 

If anyone has that link, I (when I can) and going to order from there. It targets specific areas of weakness.

I'm probably wrong in the title , but OhE might remember the site.

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Vcoots, you asked if you could assume she had apd and work accordingly, that's what we did until we got an official diagnosis.

 

The PS said to wait until 7 like yours did, and treating accordingly was the ticket. Found out later, he does have it, but even if it turns out that she doesn't, the work you'll have done on APD will certainly improve her learning, retention, and future speed with those tasks.

 

As OhE said, it's hard work, they learn alot of valuable and key things at once, so IMO, assuming APD would be the thing to do.

 

When I'm in doubt, I err on the side of caution. You can drop certain teaching methods later if it turns out no, but you can't go back and grab those theachable moments and methods later on.

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Yes, we do play games. Our most recent ones have been Spot It and Set, although I don't think those will help working memory. I should probably bring out one of the Memory games we have. The psych also diagnosed her with ADHD inattentive, but I find that so hard to believe that I didn't mention it in this thread.  :tongue_smilie: 

 

 

Although, in researching ADHD I think I've discovered that *I* may have ADD. I have almost every symptom!  :ohmy: So, if it is genetic (is it?), then I guess it is a possibility that DD has it. 

 

I split up your paragraphs to talk about this one thing at a time more clearly.

 

1st--I really don't know what the auditory memory thing is, but memory in general jives with what dyslexics I know IRL (or their parents), have told me--some (not all) dyslexics have a lot of difficulty memorizing fact based information. They may actually blow the top off of narrative-based memorization, but facts are stubborn things in a way the politicians don't mean. It takes am impressive amount of repetition to get reasonable remembering if it's not in story form. So, just a heads-up. It could be that there is an auditory processing component, but it might mean memory problems in general with a particular difficulty in remembering what she hears.  

 

2nd--I'm going to tread very gently here, but this may be what's causing your husband angst about homeschooling, but maybe he couldn't put words to it. ADHD (it's all called that now--ADD is ADHD inattentive) causes a lot of daily difficulty with communication and all kinds of things. Cooperation is difficult at times--depending on their overall strengths and weaknesses, it can hard for someone with ADHD to organize themselves, and then you add in having to communicate, share thoughts, work yourself in with another person, etc. If your DH is a nice guy, and you aren't feeling too in the hot seat with me mentioning this so bluntly, you might share the information about ADHD with him and ask if it's the elephant in the room about homeschooling. If it is, you have an excellent opportunity to work together to discuss what worries you both have and see if you can strategize together. ADHD has changed our home life, in some ways more so than my son's ASD diagnosis. Raising kids with ADHD in their mix AND in our mix has been the single greatest challenge of our lives together. It's not been pleasant a lot of the time, but now that it's acknowledged and taken into consideration when we attempt things that are important to us, we are more successful at things and there is even goodwill left at the end. :-) 

 

People with ADHD can generally do what they set their minds to, but they may need different support to get there, and there are sometimes trade-offs (can do A or B but not both because it takes too much bandwidth to do both, etc.). Multi-tasking and re-prioritization can be difficult, but the big deal is that not everyone with ADHD has the same strengths and weaknesses, so figuring out each other's strengths and weaknesses and taking those into account could help tremendously in communicating about how to tackle homeschooling.

 

An example I would use is that if you see your spouse planning something that you don't see as being realistic, like getting up to run at 5 AM everyday when they hate running, and don't normally rise before 9 AM, you would kind of raise your eyebrows--why would they make a plan that plays to things they dislike rather than appealing to what motivates them? You'd do your best to be supportive, but you'd think, "How long is that going to last?" Anyway, we often have a sense of each other's strengths and weaknesses, but we don't always have words, so we worry, fret, and, if we feel backed into a corner, we might evaluate each other in a not so nice way to completely avoid being stressed out as the process unfolds (we try to get them to quit). But, if the spouse says, "I really, really want to get in shape--you know me. How do you think I could do this successfully?" then it's all on the table, and it can be worked out, even if it requires several attempts and reconfigurations to help the plan work. (Assuming the spouse that's helping talk through the plan is flexible and is willing to assume the other spouse is capable of meeting the fitness goal vs. trying to prove them wrong.)

 

Just think about it, and please do not feel like you have to respond to me. 

 

As an aside, lots of people on the boards here do CM style work--not a taboo subject at all. 

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With kids like ours, it's so easy to be pressing on diligently and forget, hey, my little dude is swimming in a sea of disheartenment. Praise often the things he's good at, give him opportunities to succeed, MORE than struggling through the hard things. Even if it's game 'play' . there are products in the market today that build the brain in areas that are weak, and for the areas they are strong so they can see, hey , I AM good at something . they so desperately want to be good at something.

 

I would suggest leaving , or a goal to, leave everyday on a positive note. Right now you are laying the foundation for his entire school career. ...and really...life. What we do now matters. They carry that with them through life and determins what they veiw, as self worth. Not that it is, but I've learned through my adult children , *their perception* is really all that matters. Not what we did, but what they perceive that to be.

 

Very well stated, Kat. Love it!

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Yes, we do play games. Our most recent ones have been Spot It and Set, although I don't think those will help working memory. I should probably bring out one of the Memory games we have. The psych also diagnosed her with ADHD inattentive, but I find that so hard to believe that I didn't mention it in this thread.  :tongue_smilie: Although, in researching ADHD I think I've discovered that *I* may have ADD. I have almost every symptom!  :ohmy: So, if it is genetic (is it?), then I guess it is a possibility that DD has it. 

 

Girl ADHD doesn't look like boy.  :)  You've done a really good job giving her coping skills, which is why it's not as obvious.  Over time you'll see it more, and at some point it will really be obvious in the way it's affecting her academics.  You're probably compensating for it now.  

 

It's not so much about what games as *how* you play them.  My dd played Spot It and Set for VT, so yes there are ways to use those games for therapy to target things!  You just don't know how yet.  Think about it.  I can think up ways to target n-backs, vision, etc.  I'm eating tofu or I'd try harder, lol. These are good games and they give you a lot to work with!  Google for creative uses for them.  Actually I had a list I found at a link, hmm.  ChickfilA gave out Spot It in their kid meals, so therapists were all over it making games.  

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Like say she likes to play cook.  You could get ALL the kids going with this!  You can target working memory with play cooking.  You give each kid a list of 2 ingredients that they pull and bring to you for the soup!  Or you play grocery list and send them all around the room hunting for the groceries, but use visualization for the things they're supposed to find.  Keep it upbeat and fast.  Find 1 thing.  If they can do that, find two things, and so on.  When you give the instruction, they must REPEAT IT BACK.  That's for the APD, the speech, the auditory memory.  If you wanna carry it further, do the grocery list like telephone and repeat everyone before you and keep going!  Or repeat till they drop (which will be low) and then everyone goes to hunt for those things!

 

It's not about what you have.  It's about realizing what you're trying to do and making ways to work on it.  You can PLAY and work on the auditory memory, working memory, ability to hold her thoughts and motor plan.

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Just to pick up with Kbutton's observations on mom's realities plus dc's realities, I'll just say I think there's a lot of growth that occurs through this.  My *own* ability to accept structure has increased.  First we realize who/how we are, then we realize we can/should/must change.  And that's ok.  :)  

 

We also find our own coping techniques and strategies.  Sometimes those strategies need to be different for our kids vs. us.  I have no sense of time, so I use an inordinate amount of timers.  Dd has a perfectly fine sense of time, so she makes extensive lists and starts everything WAY early!  So whatever your dc thrives on, whatever kind of structure makes things flow better, is what you'll do more of.  But we really do have to take care of ourselves.  We may need to invest in some tools or find creative ways to use what we already have.  We may need to look deep in our souls and go ok, the reason I'm drawn to X is because I'm (insert words like prone to whimsical change, not able to be consistent and implement structure, etc.) and go ok then I'm going to discipline myself and that's NOT what we're going to do.  To me that's knowing yourself.  Or you decide those traits are good but they have limits and you know where the limits ARE.  Or you create pegs for yourself.  Like for me, do you know how many things I schedule into our day?  Like not just timers, but places to go, tutors coming here, etc.  It keeps ME on track and hemmed in.  *I* work better with that kind of structure.  I can admit that and know myself and go ok this is what it takes for me to function and be productive.

 

Yes, Kbutton is right that your dh has probably noticed some of your weaknesses.  It's not a statement of him being perfect to have seen them, lol.  You could, if you felt up to it at some point, actually ask him to sit down and tell you what they are in plain, rational english, so you can problem solve and do better.  Maybe the list is short, or maybe it will surprise you!  I've done that with my dh, and he notices patterns and things I miss.  It can be a good thing.  If that's too cataclysmic to do that now, then later, when you feel up to it and brave.  But good criticism can be good.  It might help you plan better.  Or you could even say like hey, I'm making our plans for fall, and if you had *3* cautions to give me of things you've noticed or things you think I could do better on, could you tell me?  Only 3, because I can't handle more now, but I'd like to change and improve if you could tell me *3*.  You could try that.  :)

 

Some of the things my dh noticed were things that it was like OH DUH YOU ARE SO RIGHT.  And once I realized they were happening, I could compensate and change how we did things.  It can be good.  :)

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I agree with the others about a polite "Hey, now that we're beginning reading intervention, Barton says not to do ANY outside reading except the assigned texts.  We want to stick to what is completely decodable until level 4."  Or the line about not wanting to draw attention to what is not working, if you want her to read I'll give you her sentences and short stories that she can read to you.  

 

That way you can control it.  :)

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CM *is* considered classical.  There's a yahoo group, name slips my mind, with beautiful articles on this.  It has a swanky, splendiforous kind of name.  So yes, talk CM all you want.  But on the things that apply to disability, again we're back to ok where is the concept helpful and where does it need some modification to fit a dc with SLDs.  It's a really interesting thing, and if you want to have that discussion and draw in the CMers I suggest you start a thread and put that in the title.  It might help you make some peace with this.  Like if it feels like you're having to GIVE UP and not do certain things in order to do intervention materials, it might always tug at you.  It's a really good thing to sort out, where you can use CM concepts and where they'll need to be bolstered with the more explicit instruction of intervention materials...  It would be an interesting topic!  :)

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I was just scanning some of the comments and I am thinking big picture concerning dh and his overall view of the homeschooling experience .

 

For the men, it involves more than just the child learning. Though they will say it's learning, they may not even be able to put their finger on any possible negative feelings about homeschooling , for them? It's big picture and what appeals to a man.

 

When I was younger I took a homemaking management class, thst included homeschooling , and i read alot of books on the topic. Cathy Duffy was my 'friend'(figuratively).

 

This may sound not popular, cavemanish, whatever, but let's face it, men are MEN! LOL

 

Here's what I learned and made him adore homeschooling even more ( he was adamant we do it before we even had kids though).

 

1. When a man comes home from work, they want the house tidy.

 

2. kids as well behaved as possible ( which means us managing behavior through the day).

 

3. kids clean (bathed).

 

4. Dinner in the table, or at least close to it.

 

5. His wife looking as aesthetically pleasing as possible. ( not hair all up in a waddy half bun lol, etc.).

 

I realize and I sure do not hit each and every point in thst everyday, but, as many as I can through the course if the day.

 

For me and the families I know, the effort spent will mean so much to them. They probably won't voice thst, BC hey, they're men lol.

 

What may seem like totally unachievable goals esp in the beginning, she gave us the plan and the steps to get there, to have even ONE of those goals met for when he comes through the door.

 

Dinner: big big issue with homeschooling families. She gave us the once a month cooking plans and ideas. You don't have to do it all in one day, but in weekend s as part of family bonding and fun, cook a 10lb pack of hamburger meat. 1 part season for tacos x2, one part season for chilli,.

While hamburger is in the stove , put 3-4 nights worth if chicken in the oven, season it different ways . I use aluminum foil as my 'pan' so to cut down on clean up . Huge issue when cooking esp cooking big.

 

Then at least you have your mests done for a couple weeks and can add some fresh green beans pan fried in garlic and almonds, a box of rice.

Your hubby will think you are a gormet cook trowing in those simple fresh green beans lol.

 

Dinner is such an issue and if men come home everyday without it, or have to cook it ir stop and get it on the way, in HIS mind, he's going to be saying...see??? I tried to tell her this homeschooling thing wasn't going to work and now it affects ME! lol.

It's just how they think. It won't be associated at all with academics. It then becomes about his overall FEELINGS about the entire experience.

 

I posted these goals in the fridge, kids could see too...but most importantly, HUBBY could see them, and just the thought, gesture , and visual fir him to SEE how much you care about HIM lol , goes so much farther than I would and most of us would think.

 

Right now, your dh is thinking. Ok, how is this going to affect...ME. I'm sorry to say it, sorry if it sounds archaic , butbit just IS.

 

This is how men are wired. It's how they think, and ...he probably doesn't even know it .

 

Right now he's grappling with the, hey,...where do I fit into all of this.

 

I promise, try the above meat and fresh veggie plan. It's easy, wayyy easier for mom, and dh are ever so greatful.

 

Just tackling that one first, I believe you will start to see a shift in his thinking. He wants to know he's important too. That HE comes first.

 

It just is what it is.

I bet if you try the meat cooking and fresh veggie part?

He will start to soften.

 

2 ways to a man's heart and to soften him.

1 is through his stomach .

The other? We all know thst one lol

:)

 

You're gonna do great :) and hubby will love and appreciate your efforts. We have to make them...calculated efforts tho haha ;)

Edited by Kat w
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One other point that wasn't in the class, but I've done over the yearsand always makes hubby feel like the king of his castle.

 

Have the kids pick out their fave part if the days learning, and show dad when he gets home. If it's a poem they have recited, a story they read, an art something that corresponds with history or science.

 

THIS is huge for them.

They see the kids actually are learning lol.

Also tho, that we all collectively as a family value him enough to have this prepared for him.

 

They eat dat stuff up!! ;)

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Like say she likes to play cook. You could get ALL the kids going with this! You can target working memory with play cooking. You give each kid a list of 2 ingredients that they pull and bring to you for the soup! Or you play grocery list and send them all around the room hunting for the groceries, but use visualization for the things they're supposed to find. Keep it upbeat and fast. Find 1 thing. If they can do that, find two things, and so on. When you give the instruction, they must REPEAT IT BACK. That's for the APD, the speech, the auditory memory. If you wanna carry it further, do the grocery list like telephone and repeat everyone before you and keep going! Or repeat till they drop (which will be low) and then everyone goes to hunt for those things!

 

It's not about what you have. It's about realizing what you're trying to do and making ways to work on it. You can PLAY and work on the auditory memory, working memory, ability to hold her thoughts and motor plan.

Genius!! Please tell me , OP, this is good stuff right here. ...but tell me what was that on the telephone ?

Like repeat what back.

Oh pls break this down for me. We NEED this and mine love cooking...and phones lol.

And do you let them take the list with them? Or do they view it repeat it then go find.

 

Break it down for this goober (me) please :)

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Just to pick up with Kbutton's observations on mom's realities plus dc's realities, I'll just say I think there's a lot of growth that occurs through this.  My *own* ability to accept structure has increased.  First we realize who/how we are, then we realize we can/should/must change.  And that's ok.   :)

 

We also find our own coping techniques and strategies.  Sometimes those strategies need to be different for our kids vs. us. 

 

Or you could even say like hey, I'm making our plans for fall, and if you had *3* cautions to give me of things you've noticed or things you think I could do better on, could you tell me?  Only 3, because I can't handle more now, but I'd like to change and improve if you could tell me *3*.  You could try that.   :)

 

Some of the things my dh noticed were things that it was like OH DUH YOU ARE SO RIGHT.  And once I realized they were happening, I could compensate and change how we did things.  It can be good.   :)

 

Reality is that even if everyone is neurotypical, this kind of thinking and working is GOOD for everyone. It's just that people can skate by without doing it if they are neurotypical. 

 

We had a speaker from the big, local children's hospital come speak to a group I'm part of, and he talked about how his wife can be 97% accurate on keeping track of things with no system because she's wired that way. He can't. But, he can be 99% accurate WITH his "system" if he's taken his strengths and weaknesses into account and done the hard work of using his system. 

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CM , yes I meant to comment in thst too. OhE and kbutton are right about that and....

 

First language lessons by Susan wise buaer are awesome. She Incorporated CM into it. View a sample online. It's really good stuff. Good CM stuff and wtm.

 

It has been THE thing that has helped my very SN boys fir language. It has tons of repetition, we didn't skip any, and picture studies ( so sweet) and GREAT for memory recal.

 

We have alot of the same issues you suspect in your lil one, and it has worked wonders for us. It addresses all of those issues.

 

We cuddle up in the couch with soft fuzzy blankets and do it all together with our notebooks close by. It's amazing what you will get out of it. I can't say enough how much I HIGHLY recommend first language lessons .

And cuddling up? Makes the kids want to do it even more :)

Mine went from loathing anything language ...to it being their second fave subject.

Language √ ...haha :)

 

I also recommend the writing with ease that is a separate book that goes along with, compliment s the FLL ( but it's not required, they can work independently of each other).

 

They start out with excerpts from sweet stories like the Beatrix Potter books, Alice in wonderland, Pinocchio. My boys love Pinocchio :)

 

Mom reads the short excerpt then it has scripted questions AND and answers lol. Answers are important to also helps mom see exactly what is important to elicit from the child.

 

Works on memory, auditory, a whole host of important things for esp. The SN kid .

 

Check it out, it's awesome. :)

I can loan you mine if you want. I have both FLL level 1 and WWE level 1.

Me thinks....you will like :)

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Genius!! Please tell me , OP, this is good stuff right here. ...but tell me what was that on the telephone ?

Like repeat what back.

Oh pls break this down for me. We NEED this and mine love cooking...and phones lol.

And do you let them take the list with them? Or do they view it repeat it then go find.

 

Break it down for this goober (me) please :)

 

Well I think it could be ANY of those things and be fun!  You could hide the actual play foods or line them up on the shelves with prices like a store.  Kids like to hunt and play store.  You could have a "recipe" in front of you or a shopping list.  You could point to things on the list (pointing, a goal!) or just tell them and have them repeat back.  You could read them the list and have them *visualize* their things and then go get them.  You could use Boardmaker and make pictures of the items and then show them picture cards.  They could draw the cards and go hunt the items around the room, using their working memory.  

 

On the telephone?  You could each person keep adding an item for the soup.  "I would make soup with asparagus."  I would make soup with asparagus and lima beans.  I would make soup with asparagus and lima beans and...  Or change to ice cream, mercy.  I'm sure working on working memory of ice cream toppings and then an ice cream party would be memorable, lol.  Or do it where they stretch harder, remembering the thing of the person before them.  So Bob wanted chocolate on his sundae but I want peanuts.  Next person says Sue wanted peanuts, but I want bananas.  When everyone goes through with ONE topping, then go around with 2.  You could totally go wild with this.

 

I found an exercise in the VT book by Kenneth Lane where he said to give commands, have them repeat back, and do.  So pat your head then jump.  And so on.  Start with one then two then three.  You can complicate it with more complex commands like pat your head three times and turn around once.  etc.  I had him repeat the command then do it.  The last command let him to a snazzy little prize.  

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Man, why didn't I think of this.

I LOVE it and they will too :)

Yay. Thanks.

 

As I was reading I was thinking in my head....duh. That's,....cool!

 

We shop!...tomorrow :)

Best part is, I don't have to leave the house .

Hee hee :)

 

ETA:

 

PS. We cleaned all day . I do have to have them repeat back ir they will walk away having ...no earthly idea what I've just said .

Cleaning isn't nearly as fun as store.

 

They will have fun with this.

We play Bookstore to practice money, counting back change ( huge challenge, still not mastered)

But play store? Oh yea...they will love it

:)

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My dd 6 was just diagnosed with auditory memory disorder, dyslexia, and dysgraphia. I think she has the latter two in a mild to moderate way. I have ordered Barton level 1, as well as Singapore math bc she is strong in math and I want to be sure and use something "good" and that I can teach easily. We hope to start officially next week.

 

My husband has concerns, though. He has never supported homeschooling 100% bc he wants to see us sitting at a desk for 4 hours a day "having school". And that isn't really my thing. I've always felt kindergarten should be more relaxed. So, anyway, he is not being supportive at all now that he realizes dd has learning difficulties. He thinks she would be better off in school. 😞

 

Has anybody dealt with this? Any way I can reassure him that I'm capable (bc I am!)?

 

I will probably have to have a school room, with strict school hours, and following the public school calendar to appease him.

 

I just hate that I'm already dealing with my own thoughts of inadequacies, and stressing that it's going to be hard work to get this kid reading and writing, plus school my dd5 and take care of ds3. I thought having a diagnosis would show him that it's not my fault she's making such slow progress, yk?!

 

Also, since he thinks I'm not doing enough (I keep telling him it's been summer!), he pick a random book off the shelf and insist dd read it. Or he'll make up 25 sight word flash cards and try to insist she learn them. 😥 I just really wish I had support.

My DS sat in a private classroom through 6th grade, and DS received Wilson tutoring for 5 years.  Unfortunately, the dysgraphia was not addressed at all and bringing DS home to teach has been easier than dealing with the school and homework every night.  

 

If DS had sat in a ps class, they would have wanted him to flunk out in the classroom for a year, and he would not have any extra reading instruction until 3rd grade.  The local ps district hires no O-G trained tutors and relies upon sight word instruction.  Sight word instruction is a HOT MESS for these kiddos.  And let us not even discuss the dysgraphia because it would not have been addressed either.

 

I think that people have an over inflated opinion of what the PS can do.  My DH is convinced that the ps teacher's main goals are crowd control, test scores, forming a line, head lice prevention, and an obsession with attendance records so that they receive their funding.

 

Your child will likely need many therapies.  I expect that your child will require work with an SLP and possibly need to be fitted for hearing aids.  Besides language, there will be weekly or twice weekly OT visits plus OT homework.

 

Maybe you and your DH should speak with the ps school and any local dyslexia schools.  Discover what your insurance will cover.  Basically, come up with a plan to address the needs of your child.  With younger children, these issues may be a passed down.  You are going to need to be flexible in your thinking and able to roll with the punches.  Sensibly compare the needs to what is available, and then make a decision based upon the needs of your child and family.  

 

Since I began homeschooling, life circumstances have been our challenge and not the actual teaching and learning bits.  During the 1st month of homeschooling, my grandmother and sister died.  A close family friend lost her husband.  Three months later, I was rear ended by a teen aged girl and my new, 2 month old car went into the shop.  My credit card was stolen.  Our master bathroom flooded and I named the contractors that followed The Insane Clown Posse.   My DD spent two separate weeks at a Children's Hospital 7 hours away.  There is more, but I shall stop.

 

I cannot stress this enough.  You need the full love and support of your husband, and you need a healthy support system to turn to when you are frustrated.  Good luck.  

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Kat, cleaning is HARD.  I want to do morning chores with him, but like you're saying he just wanders off.  I think he's going to need his tasks on cards on a ring or something.  Can't involve waiting (waiting is bad) and not enough sense of group to go oh yeah that was fun to do that together!  So you've just got a lot of social thinking stuff playing in there.  I think the task cards on a ring is a pretty standard thing, or I've seen it for other things.  But, you know, we could start a thread and see people's ideas.  The trick is I want to be flexible, so I don't know how to do that with cards.  And he's ok with words on a list now.  I guess a little chore whiteboard?  But then you'd be like check your list, are you done with the list...

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My DS sat in a private classroom through 6th grade, and DS received Wilson tutoring for 5 years. Unfortunately, the dysgraphia was not addressed at all and bringing DS home to teach has been easier than dealing with the school and homework every night.

 

If DS had sat in a ps class, they would have wanted him to flunk out in the classroom for a year, and he would not have any extra reading instruction until 3rd grade. The local ps district hires no O-G trained tutors and relies upon sight word instruction. Sight word instruction is a HOT MESS for these kiddos. And let us not even discuss the dysgraphia because it would not have been addressed either.

 

I think that people have an over inflated opinion of what the PS can do. My DH is convinced that the ps teacher's main goals are crowd control, test scores, forming a line, head lice prevention, and an obsession with attendance records so that they receive their funding.

 

Your child will likely need many therapies. I expect that your child will require work with an SLP and possibly need to be fitted for hearing aids. Besides language, there will be weekly or twice weekly OT visits plus OT homework.

 

Maybe you and your DH should speak with the ps school and any local dyslexia schools. Discover what your insurance will cover. Basically, come up with a plan to address the needs of your child. With younger children, these issues may be a passed down. You are going to need to be flexible in your thinking and able to roll with the punches. Sensibly compare the needs to what is available, and then make a decision based upon the needs of your child and family.

 

Since I began homeschooling, life circumstances have been our challenge and not the actual teaching and learning bits. During the 1st month of homeschooling, my grandmother and sister died. A close family friend lost her husband. Three months later, I was rear ended by a teen aged girl and my new, 2 month old car went into the shop. My credit card was stolen. Our master bathroom flooded and I named the contractors that followed The Insane Clown Posse. My DD spent two separate weeks at a Children's Hospital 7 hours away. There is more, but I shall stop.

 

I cannot stress this enough. You need the full love and support of your husband, and you need a healthy support system to turn to when you are frustrated. Good luck.

Omg! I died laughing .

 

Crowd control , forming a line, and head lice prevention. Baha! So true.

 

That's good advice OP.

I added up ( to put in my notebook as viable reasons why I was pulling my ver spec needs kids out if PS) and I added uo all the hours spent on acedmeia, based on the schedule the teacher sent home at paren teacher night.

 

A whopping grand total if 2hoirs and 20 mins.

Break thst down even further , finding seats, lining up for next things, not to mention ACTUAL time spent with individual child, my child? Yea. Not so much .

 

Give him a visual breakdown if hours spent in classroom . you can get a schedule of any K or whatever grade your kids would be in, you can get that from PS.

I'd highlight the actual classroom time spent ...show him. They get, not very much.

 

2 hours there based in your 2 hours there would be tripple worthy AR home. At least triple.

 

It was eye opening for me. I wanted to make sure I was doing right thing fir my kids and not jus homeschooling cuz...that's where my heart lies.

 

Visuals. They get the job done alot of times :)

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As I'm sitting here waiting for two new tires to places on my van, my teen is texting me from work saying her car is taking a long time to start, and jerking. 😫 I have been reading all the replies and am still processing everything. When I get home I want to go back through and write everything down--all the game suggestions, appts I should make, phone calls I need to make. Then I will be able to come back here and discuss with you all. 😊

 

Oh, I got Barton yesterday. When I saw the very thin book and handful of tiles, I almost cried. Not bc this may be the program to help my girl read...no, I'm not an optimist like that. I almost cried bc I PAID $250 FOR IT!! It looks like nothing! 😫💰 Anyway, at least my husband doesn't mind the cost. 😂😂

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