Nice or overstepping boundaries?

[Tap]

Dd9 attended 2 days of VBS at a nearby church last week. She found out about the VBS because they put a flier on our door, which is common for our neighborhood (we live within a mile of several churches). Our church isn't doing VBS this year and she likes to go, so we let her attend.

 

DS21 checked out the program, and took her while I was at other appointments.  Due to her special needs, DS21 made sure they knew how to get a hold of us in an emergency and let them know we were only a few minutes away. She did great and had a lot of fun.

 

She went only went Wednesday and Thursday.  She planned to go Friday, but didn't go. 

Today, someone from the church, brought her crafts by the house and gave her a flier to advertise their Sunday service with times and program information. These were simple kid crafts. A pipe cleaner craft and a paper periscope, nothing fancy.   DS21 was watching her and I wasn't here at the time so I don't really know what was said. 

 

It kind of bugs me that they did this.  On one hand, I think....that was nice, they knew we lived close by and dropped them off.  Then the other side of me thinks that it was really, really overstepping boundaries to show up at someones home. 

 

What do you think?

[momacacia]

Well, as someone whose Grandma did old-fashioned Baptist visitation with those who visited her church and wrote them notes, etc., etc., almost to her dying day, I'll say that I get it. While it may be an outreach thing they're doing, its also very likely just a consciencious teacher (like my grandma was, too).

 

As a church-goer myself, I'd honestly be interested in a church like this that wanted to personally contact me and at least seemingly cared about my kids. That's my perspective.

[Rosie_0801]

I'd chalk it up as nice since there was a legitimate reason.

[Stacia]

I'd chalk it up as nice since there was a legitimate excuse.

 

I agree. And since you said your dd has special needs, maybe the teacher or person who returned the stuff (even though they were just simple crafts) figured they might mean a lot or be a big deal to your child. Maybe they enjoyed having your dd in class & missed seeing her the last day.

 

I think it was a nice act.

 

It would be overstepping if they showed up at your house again in the future.

[Jan in SC]

I think it was nice in this circumstance. You mentioned that you were very close, and they probably thought the crafts were important to her. The flyer was most likely handed out to everyone. (If they show up/contact again, then I change my answer to creepy.)

[OneStepAtATime]

I agree with the others, I think it was a nice gesture.  At least for my kids, no matter how simple the craft, at that age they would have felt attached and been sad that they didn't get it back.  I think they would have been very happy to have someone take the time to drop it off.  Now if the lady shows up again, that would seem pushy and out of bounds to me.

[BarbecueMom]

When I was in high school, I attended a church youth group function with a guy from work. His youth leader-pastor-whatever had me fill out an information sheet, for what they claimed were safety reasons (like, who to call if you fall in the pond at the putt-putt golf place?).

 

While I was at school the next day, people from his church came to my house and left a large sign with balloons tied to it in my yard, thanking me for attending.

 

It completely creeped me out. I actually almost vomited, and it still makes me feel funny to think about. Plus I was on their mailing list for freaking ever.

 

So while they may have thought they were being nice, I think it's odd. Then again, I find lack of eye contact to be refreshing among strangers.

[zoobie]

My parents' SBC had a visitation committee that went to every visitor's home to follow up. I don't know if they still do it, but home visits are pretty common part of evangelism in several denominations. It creeps me out, to be honest. In your case, at least they did have the excuse of the crafts, but I wouldn't be surprised if they had come without that excuse.

[zoobie]

Another clue that that they're a door to door type of evangelical church is that they originally left a flyer on your door. ;)

[8circles]

I think it was a nice gesture.

 

But I understand how you are feeling about it.  I could see myself feeling the same way in your shoes.  

 

But I could also see myself being the person who thought it was a great idea to drop by the house as a kind gesture.

 

So, I'd err on the side of nice gesture.

[Tap]

Well, as someone whose Grandma did old-fashioned Baptist visitation with those who visited her church and wrote them notes, etc., etc., almost to her dying day, I'll say that I get it. While it may be an outreach thing they're doing, its also very likely just a consciencious teacher (like my grandma was, too).

 

As a church-goer myself, I'd honestly be interested in a church like this that wanted to personally contact me and at least seemingly cared about my kids. That's my perspective.

LOL it was a Baptist church.   :lol:

 

That actually makes me feel better about it.

[Tap]

Okay y'all are making me feel much, much better about it. 

My first instinct was that it was nice.....then I started thinking "what if they keep coming back?"   :zombiechase:

 

Hopefully they don't.  Nice church. Nice people.  Nice place to visit. Don't want to go there. 

 

 

Note to self....next time leave the address blank LOL

[Katy]

They do VBS as an outreach.  They're hoping your DD will bug you to go, and you'll start going too.  I think it's just a little harmless evangelism.

 

ETA:  NEVER fill out an address card for a church if you don't want someone showing up at your door.

Edited July 29, 2016 by Katy

[Pawz4me]

Here in my corner of the world that would be such a normal thing to do I really don't think anyone would think twice about it.

[Night Elf]

The Baptist church I went to had a visitation committee. They met once a week and visited parishioners, some who were known to be sick, and some new people who had visited the church. It was just an outreach program.

 

Oh, and our VBS was to spread the word of God and get neighboring kids and families who weren't already a part of our church to become members. I don't think we were pushy, but we were encouraged to really be nice to the moms/dads who picked up their kids and tell them how their children did. We were a super fun place to be. It was an awesome place with a fabulous children's department. I have no idea how many families were actually reached during VBS. I don't remember hearing about anyone that visited visiting families.

 

I think your experience was just the person being nice. If she shows up again, you'll have to tell her specifically you aren't interested in joining her church. Maybe then she'll stop visiting?

[Seasider]

They do VBS as an outreach. They're hoping your DD will bug you to go, and you'll start going too. I think it's just a little harmless evangelism.

 

ETA: NEVER fill out an address card for a church if you don't want someone showing up at your door.

LOL we used to laugh about this when we were looking for new churches - "Is it a good week to be sure the house stays clean and we don't put pjs on until after 9pm? Or do we need to wait til next week to fill out the visitor card?"

[Wheres Toto]

I agree. And since you said your dd has special needs, maybe the teacher or person who returned the stuff (even though they were just simple crafts) figured they might mean a lot or be a big deal to your child. Maybe they enjoyed having your dd in class & missed seeing her the last day.

 

I think it was a nice act.

 

It would be overstepping if they showed up at your house again in the future.

 

I agree with this and my 9 year old doesn't have special needs.  She would be pretty upset if she couldn't get her crafts.  In fact, one of her weeks of camp she was all upset because the paintings they had done weren't outside where they had put them to dry.  I told her they probably just moved them inside since it was windy and she would get it the next day, but she was still worried about it until she found out I was right.

 

Although I will say I've never heard of or experienced a church coming by the house.  We do get the occasional JW or LDS but none of the local churches do this that I know of.

Edited July 29, 2016 by Where's Toto?

[marbel]

They do VBS as an outreach.  They're hoping your DD will bug you to go, and you'll start going too.  I think it's just a little harmless evangelism.

 

ETA:  NEVER fill out an address card for a church if you don't want someone showing up at your door.

 

That's interesting!   We have visitor cards that include a box to check if the person wants a call or a visit.  I don't see them, but my husband does, and he says they have never had one with the "visit" box checked, and it's rare to see the "call" box checked.

 

So I would be very shocked to have someone show up randomly at my door for filling out a visitor card.    Annoyed, actually.  But I don't live in a place where people tend to drop in randomly so that probably makes a difference too.

 

I think dropping the crafts by was nice.  A second visit would bother me though. 

 

[arnold]

Nice

[MercyA]

I've taught a crafts class at my co-op a couple times, and I admit to tracking people down and even mailing things to make sure all the kids have their crafts (or Valentines, or whatever). I don't like the thought of little kids being sad or disappointed.

 

I think they were just being nice (and, yes, Baptists are like that).  :)

[Laurie4b]

Definitely nice. Kids can really value their artwork and can get upset when it goes missing. I think it was a very kind and caring thing to do for the child's sake, rather than doing the simple thing and just tossing it. If all she did was stop by and drop off the stuff,  Maybe your child doesn't care about her artwork, but as I said, many children do. She went above and beyond to make sure your dd was happy. 

 

I don't like people to "stop by" and maybe that is your issue. (Someone did it to me yesterday and I wasn't feeling well and was sitting in the LR, which you can see into from the front door, so I had to answer. Maybe that is your issue? I don't think it's a boundaries issue, though, just an issue of differences about whether or not it's okay to "stop by." If she didn't expect to be asked in, I think she gets a pass even on that count. 

 

 

[SKL]

That would make my kids super duper happy!  They not only have their artwork back, but someone cared about them enough to go out of their way to return it.  As my kid once observed, "when a child is happy, her mom is Willy happy."  :)

 

Could the church people also be thinking this is an opportunity to get you interested in them?  Sure.  That's OK IMO.  Marketing is a very normal activity of a church.  It's only annoying if they won't leave you alone after you say "we attend a different church" or some such.

[regentrude]

Nice thing to do. Somebody made sure a child was not sad about the lost crafts.

 

[luuknam]

While I was at school the next day, people from his church came to my house and left a large sign with balloons tied to it in my yard, thanking me for attending.

 

That is absolutely creepy.

 

I once went to the church my in-laws attend just because from what my wife said, American churches are very different from Dutch churches. I don't believe in god, so it was pure curiosity (the pastor talked about the movie Finding Nemo - it was weird). And then toward the end the pastor handed out a red rose to each new person, which I thought was a little creepy (a man handing a woman a single red rose is a romantic gesture in my culture, and afaik, also in American culture). I refused the rose (I also never told them my address). But anyway, a big sign with balloons in your yard is way, way, creepier.

 

But, back to the OP's question, I think it was nice. It becomes not nice if they keep showing up despite you telling them you're not interested.

[Lecka]

I think it is nice, and weird to be dwelling on it.

 

It is like when I have pushed a child two pushes on a swing to get them started while their parent is clearly busy with another child, and then they glare at me.

 

I just don't get what the big deal is.

 

And yet -- if it bothers you, it bothers you. Don't go to their vbs next year, problem solved.

 

Really -- I just don't see the big deal, though.

 

Is it creepy bc of someone looking at your address? To me, I picture someone happening to see your info card and noticing "they live near me, I know someone on that street." And then noticing she didn't come and dropping the craft off.

 

That is what my mental image is.

 

I gues a creepy mental image would be... They want to rob you? They want to scope out your house? I don't even quite get what the creepy part is, unless there is a creepy vibe or detail that has not been mentioned.

Edited July 29, 2016 by Lecka

[Jackie in AR]

My 10yo great niece came to town and stayed with us a few days this week and went to VBS at a local church on Monday and Tuesday. I took her back to meet her mom on Wednesday, and before we left town she had me take her by the church so she could pick up the crafts she had made on M and T. 

 

Many girls are deadly serious about their crafts and won't leave town without them.  :lol: 

 

I think the church member who brought your dd's crafts to her was being nice.

[Ravin]

I think it was a nice gesture. If I put it in a non-religious context, I would be quite appreciative that they thought of her and were concerned that she might be disappointed that she missed.

 

In the religious context, VBS has always been an opportunity for churches to reach young audiences with their message and try to bring them into the fold. If that bothers you, the solution is to not send a child to VBS at a church with which you are not affiliated.

[Tap]

I think it is nice, and weird to be dwelling on it.

 

It is like when I have pushed a child two pushes on a swing to get them started while their parent is clearly busy with another child, and then they glare at me.

 

I just don't get what the big deal is.

 

And yet -- if it bothers you, it bothers you. Don't go to their vbs next year, problem solved.

 

Really -- I just don't see the big deal, though.

 

Is it creepy bc of someone looking at your address? To me, I picture someone happening to see your info card and noticing "they live near me, I know someone on that street." And then noticing she didn't come and dropping the craft off.

 

That is what my mental image is.

 

I gues a creepy mental image would be... They want to rob you? They want to scope out your house? I don't even quite get what the creepy part is, unless there is a creepy vibe or detail that has not been mentioned.

I'm not dwelling on it, I just asked out of curiosity.  LIke I said in my OP.  I was going back and forth between nice and overstepping.  Now that so many people have talked about visiting committees I am thinking that it what it was, and I am firmly in the nice camp now.

 

You example is a bit off though. It is more like if you knew where the child on the swing lived and you showed up on their doorstep to return a piece of paper they left on the playground. Then invited them back to your house to play for a while with the kids in your neighborhood.  

[luuknam]

You example is a bit off though. It is more like if you knew where the child on the swing lived and you showed up on their doorstep to return a piece of paper they left on the playground. Then invited them back to your house to play for a while with the kids in your neighborhood.  

 

Which wouldn't be that weird of a thing to do if the kid had recently spent 2 days playing at your house already.

[ktgrok]

LOL we used to laugh about this when we were looking for new churches - "Is it a good week to be sure the house stays clean and we don't put pjs on until after 9pm? Or do we need to wait til next week to fill out the visitor card?"

 

LOL! Yup. I've had a church show up with a loaf of home baked bread, a nice card, and flyers about the church. 

[KrissiK]

Overstepping boundaries? No! Nice, yes!

[vonbon]

It kind of bugs me that they did this.  

 

.....then I started thinking "what if they keep coming back?"   :zombiechase:

 

Hopefully they don't.  Nice church. Nice people.  Nice place to visit. Don't want to go there. 

 

 

Note to self....next time leave the address blank LOL

 

 

I'm sure this isn't the reply you were looking for, and I don't want to provoke any bad feelings or shame here...But I do have to say something.  Would you (and possibly others who read this in the future) consider my view and experiences?  

 

I don't know you and I'm not assuming you fall in to one of the examples below, but I think this viewpoint adds a bit to the discussion, even if it's a bit off-topic: 

 

Most activities like VBS take an incredible amount of work if you really try to teach children well and in engaged ways.  As a mom of young kids, I've volunteered my time, energy, creativity, and money to help with the VBSs we've participated in.  VBS is not my natural calling so it's not like it's some sort of hobby for me.  

 

I've stretched and helped out because I believe, if, as parents, we're going to take advantage of an opportunity to leave our children in a safe, protected environment with uncompensated volunteers, who are going to instruct them on (IMO) the most important facet of life (faith), we should be willing to pitch in a little.  And not just the registration fee, which, in most cases, would not come even close to covering what a daycare provider would charge.  For example: you leave your child(ren) 5 days of the VBS week, you pitch in 1 or 2 days of help.  You leave them for 2 days, you pitch in a day or a few hours.  Maybe you pitch in 10% of the time they're there.  The point is adding to the whole experience for others but still having quite a break for the norm as a mom.  

 

It really burned me when I volunteered at a VBS in the past that some moms would just breeze in, drop their kids off for the VBS day, and run off to indulge in their "me" time or whatever--like it was free babysitting.  There's nothing wrong with "me time" in my book but there was never any thought of pitching in on these folks' parts.  They didn't express any gratitude (not my motivation for volunteering).  The problem was they exuded the entitlement mentality.   I have no issue with people who would do this for part of the VBS and then pitch in for some time as well.  VBS could also be a true break for a family that is in dire straits of some sort.  But in my book, not having a latte in 6 months isn't "dire". LOL

 

Then there are those who jump from VBS to VBS throughout the summer with no intention of actually becoming part of any church community involved.  It's just free babysitting.  No consideration for the actual meaning of VBS, which is akin to a "school" for learning about the Bible or faith when a kid is on "Vacation" from normal "School".   Most VBSs are generally open to the neighborhood and I see the value of providing a great opportunity for children who would never have experienced something like it otherwise.  I didn't grow up in the church and really could have benefited from VBS--learned something my folks would never have taught me.  It's for these children many volunteers sacrifice and my issue isn't with the children who attend.  It's with the entitled parents who know better and can do better (not all parents are in this boat).  

 

I do know the "creepiness" of which some of you speak and I don't like churches like that either, but--seriously?  Don't go to a VBS if you don't have any intention of attending there.  That solves it and creates less of a "daycare" atmosphere for those trying to create something meaningful and instructional for the children involved.

 

Sorry for this rant.  I, like most parents, have a lot on my plate.  To sacrifice time in one area of life means another area of life is neglected.  To give my time to others = less time for my family or to recharge my batteries.  There's only so much to go around.  I wish more people in "our" generation (i.e., adults with kids) would just pitch in a bit more.  It would mean a richness for all of our children.  Perhaps much of this post is just me mentally preparing for the VBS I have committed to help with in a few weeks :001_rolleyes: ...as our own homeschool year is starting...  Perhaps I should not have committed myself to it since I seem to resent other people who don't pitch in but: my kids want to go, it's our faith community that we are a part of each-and-every week, and I think if all parents involved give just a little of themselves, it can be a smashing success in developing community between our younger people (those of the church and the surrounding neighborhoods).  

 

For the OP's case: have you considered dealing with your question by writing a thank you note to the church, expressing your thankfulness for the opportunity, sharing an example of what your daughter got out of it, and politely explaining that you are not considering attending services there?  It seems to me that would answer their valid question of whether or not you're interested in their community.

[TranquilMind]

Dd9 attended 2 days of VBS at a nearby church last week. She found out about the VBS because they put a flier on our door, which is common for our neighborhood (we live within a mile of several churches). Our church isn't doing VBS this year and she likes to go, so we let her attend.

 

DS21 checked out the program, and took her while I was at other appointments.  Due to her special needs, DS21 made sure they knew how to get a hold of us in an emergency and let them know we were only a few minutes away. She did great and had a lot of fun.

 

She went only went Wednesday and Thursday.  She planned to go Friday, but didn't go. 

Today, someone from the church, brought her crafts by the house and gave her a flier to advertise their Sunday service with times and program information. These were simple kid crafts. A pipe cleaner craft and a paper periscope, nothing fancy.   DS21 was watching her and I wasn't here at the time so I don't really know what was said. 

 

It kind of bugs me that they did this.  On one hand, I think....that was nice, they knew we lived close by and dropped them off.  Then the other side of me thinks that it was really, really overstepping boundaries to show up at someones home. 

 

What do you think?

I think they were just trying to be nice and get the crafts back to your daughter.  Now if they constantly harass you, that will be another matter.  But that's something to just let go, based on what you said. 

[TranquilMind]

I think it was a nice gesture. If I put it in a non-religious context, I would be quite appreciative that they thought of her and were concerned that she might be disappointed that she missed.

 

In the religious context, VBS has always been an opportunity for churches to reach young audiences with their message and try to bring them into the fold. If that bothers you, the solution is to not send a child to VBS at a church with which you are not affiliated.

This is true.

There are parents out there (NOT talking about the OP) who simply move from one VBS to the next as free babysitting or mom time all summer. 

[Lady Florida.]

I'm an atheist and I voted nice. They were dropping off the crafts and took the time to do their evangelical thing, which is probably normal for them. As Stacia said, if they return with more invitations that would be overstepping.

[ktgrok]

Wow. Um, sorry? I didn't volunteer a single minute at my daughter's VBS. I did pay for it. But I have a 3 yr old and there is no provision made for kids too young for VBS. So no, I didn't pay for VBS for my daughter, then pay for a babysitter for my son, to then also volunteer. I've volunteered in other years, when I didn't have youngers at home. I'm sure I will again some day years from now. But I'm not going to keep my daughter home from VBS because I can't volunteer. 

I'm sure this isn't the reply you were looking for, and I don't want to provoke any bad feelings or shame here...But I do have to say something.  Would you (and possibly others who read this in the future) consider my view and experiences?  

 

I don't know you and I'm not assuming you fall in to one of the examples below, but I think this viewpoint adds a bit to the discussion, even if it's a bit off-topic: 

 

Most activities like VBS take an incredible amount of work if you really try to teach children well and in engaged ways.  As a mom of young kids, I've volunteered my time, energy, creativity, and money to help with the VBSs we've participated in.  VBS is not my natural calling so it's not like it's some sort of hobby for me.  

 

I've stretched and helped out because I believe, if, as parents, we're going to take advantage of an opportunity to leave our children in a safe, protected environment with uncompensated volunteers, who are going to instruct them on (IMO) the most important facet of life (faith), we should be willing to pitch in a little.  And not just the registration fee, which, in most cases, would not come even close to covering what a daycare provider would charge.  For example: you leave your child(ren) 5 days of the VBS week, you pitch in 1 or 2 days of help.  You leave them for 2 days, you pitch in a day or a few hours.  Maybe you pitch in 10% of the time they're there.  The point is adding to the whole experience for others but still having quite a break for the norm as a mom.  

 

It really burned me when I volunteered at a VBS in the past that some moms would just breeze in, drop their kids off for the VBS day, and run off to indulge in their "me" time or whatever--like it was free babysitting.  There's nothing wrong with "me time" in my book but there was never any thought of pitching in on these folks' parts.  They didn't express any gratitude (not my motivation for volunteering).  The problem was they exuded the entitlement mentality.   I have no issue with people who would do this for part of the VBS and then pitch in for some time as well.  VBS could also be a true break for a family that is in dire straits of some sort.  But in my book, not having a latte in 6 months isn't "dire". LOL

 

Then there are those who jump from VBS to VBS throughout the summer with no intention of actually becoming part of any church community involved.  It's just free babysitting.  No consideration for the actual meaning of VBS, which is akin to a "school" for learning about the Bible or faith when a kid is on "Vacation" from normal "School".   Most VBSs are generally open to the neighborhood and I see the value of providing a great opportunity for children who would never have experienced something like it otherwise.  I didn't grow up in the church and really could have benefited from VBS--learned something my folks would never have taught me.  It's for these children many volunteers sacrifice and my issue isn't with the children who attend.  It's with the entitled parents who know better and can do better (not all parents are in this boat).  

 

I do know the "creepiness" of which some of you speak and I don't like churches like that either, but--seriously?  Don't go to a VBS if you don't have any intention of attending there.  That solves it and creates less of a "daycare" atmosphere for those trying to create something meaningful and instructional for the children involved.

 

Sorry for this rant.  I, like most parents, have a lot on my plate.  To sacrifice time in one area of life means another area of life is neglected.  To give my time to others = less time for my family or to recharge my batteries.  There's only so much to go around.  I wish more people in "our" generation (i.e., adults with kids) would just pitch in a bit more.  It would mean a richness for all of our children.  Perhaps much of this post is just me mentally preparing for the VBS I have committed to help with in a few weeks :001_rolleyes: ...as our own homeschool year is starting...  Perhaps I should not have committed myself to it since I seem to resent other people who don't pitch in but: my kids want to go, it's our faith community that we are a part of each-and-every week, and I think if all parents involved give just a little of themselves, it can be a smashing success in developing community between our younger people (those of the church and the surrounding neighborhoods).  

 

For the OP's case: have you considered dealing with your question by writing a thank you note to the church, expressing your thankfulness for the opportunity, sharing an example of what your daughter got out of it, and politely explaining that you are not considering attending services there?  It seems to me that would answer their valid question of whether or not you're interested in their community.

 

SaveSave

[Nan in Mass]

I think they understand children. : )  I still remember the few times I was unable to retrieve the things I made as a child.  It hurt.  Better be safe than sorry and return even things that don't look valuable to adult eyes.  And of course, at the same time, they would make sure this new family that just used their services knew about the other things they offer.

 

Nan 

[El...]

I giggle a little, because that is so very old-school Baptist!  In fact, our current young-and-hip church makes a point to tell visitors that they will NOT receive a visit if they fill out the card.  I guess the visit thing has creeped out more people than just you! 

 

Visiting is almost always well meant, though.  I'd take it that way.

[Seasider]

VBS - and I add the extravagant VBS productions I see nowadays - are optional.

 

Optional for the church.

Optional for the participants.

Optional for the volunteers.

 

Vonbon, you are entitled to your sentiments, but volunteering is your choice. We are told to be ready to share the word in season and out, always ready when an opportunity presents itself.

 

We are nowhere instructed to provide labor intensive VBS programs.

 

I believe your rant is misplaced. If the Lord moves your heart to serve in such a capacity, you should be able to do it with peace in your heart. I am sure many are truly thankful for your service. You never truly know what's going on in another's life; you cannot fairly judge their need for respite.

[luuknam]

Wow. Um, sorry? I didn't volunteer a single minute at my daughter's VBS. I did pay for it. But I have a 3 yr old and there is no provision made for kids too young for VBS. So no, I didn't pay for VBS for my daughter, then pay for a babysitter for my son, to then also volunteer. I've volunteered in other years, when I didn't have youngers at home. I'm sure I will again some day years from now. But I'm not going to keep my daughter home from VBS because I can't volunteer. 

 

I don't think that's what she meant at all.

[J-rap]

I think it was very sweet of them, and I wouldn't give it a second thought!

[ktgrok]

I don't think that's what she meant at all.

 

She seemed to say that if you are using VBS, you need to volunteer. she even gave a suggested amount of time, based on how long your child is in VBS, and said paying for it isn't enough. Seemed pretty clear. 

[Janeway]

I would call it nice.

[Guest]

I chose other. My kids have never been to a VBS ever, because honestly, the whole thing (in my childhood memory) was one big, long boundary overstep. It was always getting those poor, unchurched children to come, and the biggest push was always on ice-cream day, because what kid doesn't want an ice cream?

 

I'm sure the person in your case believes themselves to be kind and thoughtful, wanting to show they really care. But I unfortunately have a lot of baggage surrounding the whole drive to convert the little heathen children that personally, I would feel like it was an overstep.

[TranquilMind]

She seemed to say that if you are using VBS, you need to volunteer. she even gave a suggested amount of time, based on how long your child is in VBS, and said paying for it isn't enough. Seemed pretty clear. 

 

  I took her words more as a suggestion, not a rule.  I can see how you read it though. 

 

I have never volunteered for that. Kid things are just not my strength or calling.  I have run ministries in prison though. 

 

So I guess I read her words as saying that some - those who could or should -should pitch in.  That doesn't apply to me.  However, she may not be called to do what I did for years, so I would never expect that of her.  In fact, I never asked anyone at all.  Every month, I went and those who wanted to came with me.  God calls people, not me. 

 

Edited July 29, 2016 by TranquilMind

[magnificent_baby]

I disagree with you. I see VBS as a spiritual "gift" (for lack of a better word) to their communities to help spread the word, especially for those who would not otherwise be exposed to Christianity. IME, there are no strings attached. Whatsoever. If families end up joining the church? Awesome. If not, their children have at least experienced Jesus' love through His followers. Mission accomplished either way. If you really feel this disgruntled about it, perhaps you should consider another ministry to serve. 

 

I'm sure this isn't the reply you were looking for, and I don't want to provoke any bad feelings or shame here...But I do have to say something.  Would you (and possibly others who read this in the future) consider my view and experiences?  

 

I don't know you and I'm not assuming you fall in to one of the examples below, but I think this viewpoint adds a bit to the discussion, even if it's a bit off-topic: 

 

Most activities like VBS take an incredible amount of work if you really try to teach children well and in engaged ways.  As a mom of young kids, I've volunteered my time, energy, creativity, and money to help with the VBSs we've participated in.  VBS is not my natural calling so it's not like it's some sort of hobby for me.  

 

I've stretched and helped out because I believe, if, as parents, we're going to take advantage of an opportunity to leave our children in a safe, protected environment with uncompensated volunteers, who are going to instruct them on (IMO) the most important facet of life (faith), we should be willing to pitch in a little.  And not just the registration fee, which, in most cases, would not come even close to covering what a daycare provider would charge.  For example: you leave your child(ren) 5 days of the VBS week, you pitch in 1 or 2 days of help.  You leave them for 2 days, you pitch in a day or a few hours.  Maybe you pitch in 10% of the time they're there.  The point is adding to the whole experience for others but still having quite a break for the norm as a mom.  

 

It really burned me when I volunteered at a VBS in the past that some moms would just breeze in, drop their kids off for the VBS day, and run off to indulge in their "me" time or whatever--like it was free babysitting.  There's nothing wrong with "me time" in my book but there was never any thought of pitching in on these folks' parts.  They didn't express any gratitude (not my motivation for volunteering).  The problem was they exuded the entitlement mentality.   I have no issue with people who would do this for part of the VBS and then pitch in for some time as well.  VBS could also be a true break for a family that is in dire straits of some sort.  But in my book, not having a latte in 6 months isn't "dire". LOL

 

Then there are those who jump from VBS to VBS throughout the summer with no intention of actually becoming part of any church community involved.  It's just free babysitting.  No consideration for the actual meaning of VBS, which is akin to a "school" for learning about the Bible or faith when a kid is on "Vacation" from normal "School".   Most VBSs are generally open to the neighborhood and I see the value of providing a great opportunity for children who would never have experienced something like it otherwise.  I didn't grow up in the church and really could have benefited from VBS--learned something my folks would never have taught me.  It's for these children many volunteers sacrifice and my issue isn't with the children who attend.  It's with the entitled parents who know better and can do better (not all parents are in this boat).  

 

I do know the "creepiness" of which some of you speak and I don't like churches like that either, but--seriously?  Don't go to a VBS if you don't have any intention of attending there.  That solves it and creates less of a "daycare" atmosphere for those trying to create something meaningful and instructional for the children involved.

 

Sorry for this rant.  I, like most parents, have a lot on my plate.  To sacrifice time in one area of life means another area of life is neglected.  To give my time to others = less time for my family or to recharge my batteries.  There's only so much to go around.  I wish more people in "our" generation (i.e., adults with kids) would just pitch in a bit more.  It would mean a richness for all of our children.  Perhaps much of this post is just me mentally preparing for the VBS I have committed to help with in a few weeks :001_rolleyes: ...as our own homeschool year is starting...  Perhaps I should not have committed myself to it since I seem to resent other people who don't pitch in but: my kids want to go, it's our faith community that we are a part of each-and-every week, and I think if all parents involved give just a little of themselves, it can be a smashing success in developing community between our younger people (those of the church and the surrounding neighborhoods).  

 

For the OP's case: have you considered dealing with your question by writing a thank you note to the church, expressing your thankfulness for the opportunity, sharing an example of what your daughter got out of it, and politely explaining that you are not considering attending services there?  It seems to me that would answer their valid question of whether or not you're interested in their community.

 

[SKL]

She seemed to say that if you are using VBS, you need to volunteer. she even gave a suggested amount of time, based on how long your child is in VBS, and said paying for it isn't enough. Seemed pretty clear. 

 

This is how I took it also.  With a lot of judgment for those who don't do this.

 

Something to remember:  everyone has different gifts and carries their "weight" in different ways.  My kids haven't been to VBS, but I have allowed them to do things that involved someone other than me volunteering.  On the other hand, I have volunteered for thousands of hours and donated tens of thousands of dollars to help other people's kids with things that don't benefit my family at all.  The volunteers at VBS would not know that since I don't wear a sign on my forehead.  And don't even get me started on the taxes I pay because I am usually working when I drop my kids off - otherwise I would probably go do something together with my kids.  I carry my fair share of the weight of the community.  Unless I know someone rather intimately, I can't guess who does how much.  And, I have much better things to do than judge people about that.

[SKL]

And the PP judgmental attitude about "other families" is one of the reasons many people avoid church activities.

 

I don't think judging other people wins us points with God, but what do I know ....

[Debbi in Texas]

I think it was very nice of the lady to drop by with the crafts. It was either that or throw them away and she probably cringed at that thought. If they come back to invite your family to church, just tell them you go somewhere else.

 

As far as people volunteering at VBS or not: I have worked at VBS many times, and it is indeed Work. However, I did it as an act of service for God and my church.

[mom2scouts]

I voted nice. My dd went to VBS at our church and they decorated T-shirts. She wasn't able to attend on the last night and was really upset that she wouldn't get her shirt. We were able to pick it up at the end, but a friend had already grabbed it to return to us. For some kids it's a really big deal that they don't get to take their projects and I think it was nice that someone brought it.