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How would you implement a dress code?


Aura

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Sorry, wrong word choice. REQUIRE uniform pants for girls. They're not giving them to them. They're requiring that the girls purchase specific uniform pants, but the boys don't have to. These pants are, at best, double the cost of what I normally buy for my kids (boys or girls).

 

As a mom of three girls and one boy, I'd be totally hacked off.

 

I'm jealous enough of the moms of all boys who don't have to buy bOOkshelves and try to figure out a prom dress that covers what we want covered.

 

No. I'd rather have a handful of girls walkign around in pants that are "too tight" than have a double standard.

 

And those girls who's khakis are too tight? Chances are they don't like the look and they're not trying to be seductive. they've probably outgrown their pants and mom and dad are waiting till the next pay period to shop. Digging fabric out of your crack all day is no fun.

 

Grace, people. Give these young ladies the benefit of the doubt.

 

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We have attended several private schools over the years.  Here is what I like.

 

 

 

No clothing item should have rips,cuts, tears, stains or bleached spots when combined are larger than a quarter, or otherwise damaged beyond normal fading and wear. 

 

Pants must be full length, and not capri style. (allows for kids who grow, before parents can purchase new ones by not requiring 'tops of shoes')  Pant colors must be in the blue, black, brown, khaki families of color. 

 

Pants must be straight leg style, with a khaki or trouser style. No skinny jeans, stretch pants, leggings, sleepwear, lounge wear, sweatpants, stretchy fabric pants, athletic pants, warm up pants, yoga pants, or leggings unless they are under a dress or shirt that is finger tip length.  The only exception is athletic uniforms provided by the school to be worn only on approved days. No undergarment should be seen above waist of pants.

 

Shorts for PE only.  Approved shorts can be purchased through school store. Alternate styles of approved uniform shorts may be purchased through approved retailers listed below. They should not be so long or loose to show under garments when raising legs.  PE shorts are only allowed in the locker room and gym only.  They are not allowed in hallways or classrooms. 

 

Skirts must come to the top of the knee cap or below. 

 

PE T-shirts must be purchased through school store, and ONLY worn in PE class. They are a crew-neck t-shirt with school logo.  They are not allowed to be worn to or from any other class during the day.  (This makes it so kids aren't wearing sweaty clothes outside of PE or unwashed PE shirts to class in the morning before PE).

 

Shirts must be long enough that there is a 3 inch over lap of fabric between pants and shirts when standing upright. They must be short sleeved or longer (no sleeveless, shoulder-less, tank style or cap sleeves allowed). No undergarment should be seen from neck, or armholes.  Fabric must be thick enough to not allow undergarment to be visibly seen under shirt. 

 

All of the uniform items available at Target, Lands End, Gymboree, Children's Place and other retailers are appropriate for wear.  Uniform items are not required but are an easy way for a parent to know what is approved.

 

No words are allowed on clothing.  Any logo or brand names on shirts should not be larger than a 1"x2".  No logo or work that is offensive or is represents something that is counter to the schools conduct code will be considered a dress code violation. The only exceptions to logo size are items that are sold in the school store. 

 

As a school, we are aware that children grow and have different body types.  If a parent or student has any questions or needs accommodation for clothing items please contact xyz person for clarification or approval of item.  We are aware the identical item of clothing may be approved on one student and not approved on another.  Please work with the school and realize that different body styles/shapes/sizes do affect the way that clothing items fit different people. 

 

Reasonable accommodation will be provided to keep a child in school if they arrive in clothing that is not dress code appropriate. For example: Holes in pants may be covered with duct tape, Shirts with logos may be turned inside out, or logo covered in tape, a student may be asked to change into clothing from the school's locker.  If reasonable accommodation can't be found, the parent will be contacted to make arrangements for the student and the student will be removed from class for the day. Infraction 1 is warning. Infraction 2 is a demerit. Infraction 3 will result in disciplinary action as outlined in conduct code.

 

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Sorry, wrong word choice. REQUIRE uniform pants for girls. They're not giving them to them. They're requiring that the girls purchase specific uniform pants, but the boys don't have to. These pants are, at best, double the cost of what I normally buy for my kids (boys or girls).

Sounds like the school needs a serious overhaul in how they run the school.  

 

Honestly, if it were me, I would have a meeting of the parents and ask how they feel.  If there are enough that disagree I would write out a letter politely but clearly expressing our concerns and have everyone sign it.  I would then turn it in to the school.  If they are willing to listen to the parents and amend the policy and my kids are happy and learning there I would keep my kids there.  Otherwise, if I had other options, my kid(s) would be gone.  (If the kids are not happy/aren't learning/or I have other serious issues with the way the school is run I probably would just go ahead and pull them, but I would still write the letter.  I would want it in the permanent record why I disagree with the policy).

 

Truly, I would not be happy with my kids seeing this kind of sexist, limited view as acceptable.

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The school I attended said that pants had to have a certain amount of "ease" when gathering them and pulling them to the side. That was how they measured how tight they were.

I found the dress code incredibly complicated and frustrating. No tank tops (spaghetti straps). If you wore a sleeveless shirt the part on your should must have a width of at least two inches or something like that. Skirts and dresses could only be a certain number of inches above the floor when kneeling.

I will never forget wearing a knee-length dress that had previously passed dress code rules. Suddenly it was too short. My b00ks had gone up a size and many of my dresses no longer met the dress code. So annoying. I always wished for uniforms. Shopping was such a pain!

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Sounds like the school needs a serious overhaul in how they run the school.  

 

Honestly, if it were me, I would have a meeting of the parents and ask how they feel.  If there are enough that disagree I would write out a letter politely but clearly expressing our concerns and have everyone sign it.  I would then turn it in to the school.  If they are willing to listen to the parents and amend the policy and my kids are happy and learning there I would keep my kids there.  Otherwise, if I had other options, my kid(s) would be gone.  (If the kids are not happy/aren't learning/or I have other serious issues with the way the school is run I probably would just go ahead and pull them, but I would still write the letter.  I would want it in the permanent record why I disagree with the policy).

 

Truly, I would not be happy with my kids seeing this kind of sexist, limited view as acceptable.

 

Well, we're partly there. We've managed a letter from some parents, and we're having a meeting. I'm trying to prepare for the meeting now, hence this thread. It really is a matter of picking battles, though. *sigh*

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Two of my dc attend private school. There aren't color options for pants or shorts. Girls may wear shorts, skirts, or pants. Nothing can be more than 3" above the knee for anyone. Shirts are color coded by grade and everything has the same school monogram. Formal uniforms very specific and have to be worn once a week. Even socks are specified. It doesn't bother me because we knew what it was going into the program.

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Well, we're partly there. We've managed a letter from some parents, and we're having a meeting. I'm trying to prepare for the meeting now, hence this thread. It really is a matter of picking battles, though. *sigh*

Good luck.  I wish you the best.  I was in a similar situation when DD was still in school but it wasn't specifically about the dress code.  We wrote a letter and a lot of parents signed it.  In some ways it did have an impact and improve the situation quite a bit.  And the school went to uniforms the next year, as well, even though honestly we were not seeking that outcome.  It also was the straw that broke the camel's back and caused the Director of the school to retire at the end of the year instead of having to deal with anything the next year, which was also NOT our intended outcome.   :tongue_smilie:

 

ETA: I don't regret writing the letter, though.  Things DID change that needed to, even though other things happened as well.

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Ugh. Trying to police tightness kind of makes me cringe. I do believe in modesty, but my body type is such that if I wore a blouse loose enough to fit that description the armholes would be so huge you'd be able to see my bra and if I wore pants that loose on my rear the waist would be so baggy they'd just fall right off.

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Ugh. Trying to police tightness kind of makes me cringe. I do believe in modesty, but my body type is such that if I wore a blouse loose enough to fit that description the armholes would be so huge you'd be able to see my bra and if I wore pants that loose on my rear the waist would be so baggy they'd just fall right off.

And for kids that are still growing, things stick out or get left behind on a regular basis.  My bOOks were all over the place until I was about 16...

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Oh, and, "Any writing or symbols on garments may only express (or imply) sentiments that do not violate our school values of inclusion and tolerance, and may not promote or approve activities that violate the school code of conduct."

 

See, I'd probably just go with "Garments must be solid color or print with no graphics or text." Or however you'd write that. :-)

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What would you say to a school that decided to give uniform pants to the girls, but not the boys?

 

What about girls who aren't comfortable in pants?  One of my kids would hate that, might not even be able to stand it.

 

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What about girls who aren't comfortable in pants?  One of my kids would hate that, might not even be able to stand it.

 

There is the option of dresses and skirts, to the knee, of course.

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Robes.

The school should hand out formless long robes to all students, to be worn during the school day over whatever clothing the student was wearing from home. Robes remain at the school.

Done. Easy, objective, fair.

 

Or scrubs, like doctors and nurses wear.

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There is the option of dresses and skirts, to the knee, of course.

Only a matter of time before a guy wears a skirt & then tptb freak out. 

 

Just saw a story last month how some schools in the UK are putting out gender neutral language in their uniform policies so anyone can wear pants or a skirt/pinafore. 

 

Then there was the story about boys who weren't allowed to wear their gym shorts in school even though there was a heat wave so they wore skirts instead....

 

Snarky ds just recently suggested why not have schools put kids in prison-style jumpsuits right from the start.  

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Only a matter of time before a guy wears a skirt & then tptb freak out. 

 

Just saw a story last month how some schools in the UK are putting out gender neutral language in their uniform policies so anyone can wear pants or a skirt/pinafore. 

 

Then there was the story about boys who weren't allowed to wear their gym shorts in school even though there was a heat wave so they wore skirts instead....

 

Snarky ds just recently suggested why not have schools put kids in prison-style jumpsuits right from the start.  

 

When I was in middle school, a group of guys petitioned to be able to wear shorts in the winter.  The dress code stated that shorts were not permitted between x date and y date.  They argued that the girls were allowed to wear mini-skirts year 'round.  The administration told them "no".

 

A few days later, about a dozen (or maybe more?) guys wore mini skirts to school.  The rule was quickly changed.

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Not for your home school, LOL, but for a private school. The dress code should equally applies to girls and boys. How would you implement this? How do you objectively identify what is allowed vs not allowed?

​

The first step is to decide on an approach. If identifying what is not allowed is most important, then a dress code is indeed the way to go. If identifying what is allowed is most important, than you will be better served by a uniform policy. Focusing exclusively on one or the other is easier for making judgments -- with uniforms, the answer becomes "Nothing is allowed unless it is on our list", while with dress codes, the answer becomes "Everything is allowed unless it is on our list".

 

Maybe Nathan Essex's ​School Uniforms: Guidelines for Principals might be a helpful place to start?

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Only a matter of time before a guy wears a skirt & then tptb freak out. 

 

Just saw a story last month how some schools in the UK are putting out gender neutral language in their uniform policies so anyone can wear pants or a skirt/pinafore. 

 

Then there was the story about boys who weren't allowed to wear their gym shorts in school even though there was a heat wave so they wore skirts instead....

 

Snarky ds just recently suggested why not have schools put kids in prison-style jumpsuits right from the start.  

 

Overalls! That's perfect. If they're navy blue you can say they modeled them on USN shipboard uniforms instead of prison suits.

 

They are guaranteed to look unflattering and ill-fitting on 100% of the students. That's fair, right?

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Overalls! That's perfect. If they're navy blue you can say they modeled them on USN shipboard uniforms instead of prison suits.

 

They are guaranteed to look unflattering and ill-fitting on 100% of the students. That's fair, right?

:lol:

 

(I used to love my overalls... :ph34r: )

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Sorry, wrong word choice. REQUIRE uniform pants for girls. They're not giving them to them. They're requiring that the girls purchase specific uniform pants, but the boys don't have to. These pants are, at best, double the cost of what I normally buy for my kids (boys or girls).

I worked at a place like this in my 20s. I'd be the first parent to gleefully sue the school on my daughter's behalf. :)
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Haven't read all the replies but my kids' school has a uniform. Tight pants are not a problem. NONE of the girls wear the pants. They can but they don't. Only boys. Girls wear a skirt and polo or blouse. Boys wear slacks and polo or button down. Really zero issues. Well the girls roll their skirts up but any teacher or admin person can cite them. It's really no big deal.

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This school ridiculous. If the motivation of the school is "modesty", I don't think you can reword it to be reasonable. The creepiness will allways come through. I think it's an impossible task.

 

Robes would be close, but then it's only a matter of time before someone leaves it unzipped and what's underneath gets scrutinized.

 

Maybe floor-length pullover loose gowns?

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"Too tight" really bugs me. Mostly because it tends to mean 'pretty girls with bewbs can do no right.' Flat, skinny, or unattractive girls could walk around in clear shrink wrap and no one would care. 😡

 

Also, "stretchy" is another word to avoid. My girls and I have several pants and even tops with Lycra/spandex/stretch fabric. It is more about shape retention and comfort of the garment rather than trying to look like the fabric is painted on. I am short-waisted and overweight. I cannot sit comfortably in pants with no stretch. And I'd bet that most people have no idea my pants are "stretchy". Well, no one has reached down my butt to read the tag. 🙄 Stretchy is not evil. Even if "modesty" is the goal, clothing can stretch. Non-stretch fabric can also be "immodest".

 

My point is, it will be nearly impossible to make a dress code without targeting females, especially those with developed figures.

 

And no dress code addresses the heart. Really, it just helps the adults in control maintain their illusion.

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I've worked at uniform and non uniform schools, but never one with a strict dress code.  I think I was going to have a semi uniform, or strict dress code, I might say. 

 

Collared shirt of any solid color with sleeves (short or long, doesn't matter), that is long enough to tuck in.  Solid color sweater or fleece, can be pull over, buttoned or zip.  Hooded is fine.   Clothing with school logo, or sold by school (e.g. a school sweatshirt, or the lacrosse team's jacket) are also allowed, as is gear with college logos.   

 

Solid color pants or shorts with a belt or skirt.  Shorts and skirts must extend beyond finger tips when held to the side.  Leggings or bike shorts under skirts are allowed by not required.  

 

Clothing must cover all undergarments, and allow student to move freely and sit on the floor.

 

Shoes without heels, and with closed toes and heels.  (Stricter requirements if it's elementary school and kids don't change shoes for P.E.)

 

 

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Annnnnd, one more reason I'm so happy we homeschool.

 

Will remind myself of this when I'm going crazy nagging oldest to get her math done. "No 'modesty' or dress code issues to deal with!! Whoo-hoo! Take all the time you want doin' those 2 pages, kiddo! I haven't a care in the world!" Lol.

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so how is that not about 'modesty' then?  

 

Why can't someone wear clothing that's 'poured on', like leggings or a gymnastics unitard or a spandex onesie? 

 

Because I'd say to get rid of the vagueness of "that's too tight/that's too baggy", you have to go to extreme ends. Either spandex unitards for everyone, or giant billowing robes for everyone

 

 

 

Hogwarts...

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In DH's country of origin (at least 30 years ago when he was in high school), the public school high school uniform was lab coats. Cheap, simple, modest, and academic. No buying a whole separate wardrobe, no criteria for shirt length, waist gap, underwear showing, etc. Wear whatever you want, throw a lab coat over it, done.

8870a24fd2c7e4bca0e47b9eb87d10d0.jpg

 

Sent from my GT-N5110 using Tapatalk

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In DH's country of origin (at least 30 years ago when he was in high school), the public school high school uniform was lab coats. Cheap, simple, modest, and academic. No buying a whole separate wardrobe, no criteria for shirt length, waist gap, underwear showing, etc. Wear whatever you want, throw a lab coat over it, done.

8870a24fd2c7e4bca0e47b9eb87d10d0.jpg

 

Sent from my GT-N5110 using Tapatalk

 

You know, I like that!

 

And they do make them in different colors. Although, I would probably just assign the color per grade or have the whole school be the same color.

 

If I were in charge. :)

 

They're inexpensive enough that you could sell them through the school and students could only have to buy one. The fitting is flexible enough that most students would only need to buy one per year.

 

I like it!

 

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In DH's country of origin (at least 30 years ago when he was in high school), the public school high school uniform was lab coats. Cheap, simple, modest, and academic. No buying a whole separate wardrobe, no criteria for shirt length, waist gap, underwear showing, etc. Wear whatever you want, throw a lab coat over it, done.

8870a24fd2c7e4bca0e47b9eb87d10d0.jpg

 

Sent from my GT-N5110 using Tapatalk

 

I honestly really like this. Professional, academic, equitable, modest, and inexpensive. Plus, pockets.  :)

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This school is ridiculous. If the motivation of the school is "modesty", I don't think you can reword it to be reasonable. The creepiness will always come through. I think it's an impossible task.

 

It is not ridiculous or unreasonable for a private religious school to be motivated by a concern for modesty. I don't know the affiliation of the school in question, but I do know that there are Christian, Jewish, and Muslim forum members here who dress according to their understanding of Scripturally-mandated modesty and might appreciate similar standards in a private school.

 

This is not to say that such standards are always handled appropriately. Adult males policing the modesty of girls' clothing certainly is creepy, in my view. However, I believe striving for modesty, in a conservative religious school, is really no different than striving for honesty, kindness, a good work ethic, or any other virtue. There will be subjectivity involved, obviously, but setting standards is not an impossible task.

 

YMMV. :)  

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Aura, is this school affiliated with any particular religion or denomination?

 

Yes, it is a Christian school and has been historically very conservative (and patriarchal). In recent years, they have been moving more moderate. This is another step toward that.

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And, do be careful with minimum inseams. When some of your students are 19yo, and some are 4yo, there is virtually no reasonable number you can assign to the inseam of shorts -- if you are looking for 'modest' 19yo's and kindergarteners who aren't swimming in their clothes.

 

And you can't measure an inseam with a ruler on a living human being without obvious sexual harassment issues. Inseams are *not* something that can be causally and objectively monitored.

 

 

 

Many dress codes I've seen over the years measure the length of skirts and shorts with the "fingertip rule." They must be no shorter than the longest fingertip when the wearer of the item places his or her hands straight down on their outer leg. 

 

This allows for people who are different shapes and sizes and can easily be checked if the teachers or administration want to obsess over it. It applies to both girls and boys. 

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It is not ridiculous or unreasonable for a private religious school to be motivated by a concern for modesty. I don't know the affiliation of the school in question, but I do know that there are Christian, Jewish, and Muslim forum members here who dress according to their understanding of Scripturally-mandated modesty and might appreciate similar standards in a private school.

 

 

 

YMMV. :)  

 

We get into trouble when it moves from people choosing to follow their idea of "Scripturally-mandated modesty" and having an authority enforce their own idea of it.  It becomes creepy and judge-y!

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It is not ridiculous or unreasonable for a private religious school to be motivated by a concern for modesty. I don't know the affiliation of the school in question, but I do know that there are Christian, Jewish, and Muslim forum members here who dress according to their understanding of Scripturally-mandated modesty and might appreciate similar standards in a private school.

 

This is not to say that such standards are always handled appropriately. Adult males policing the modesty of girls' clothing certainly is creepy, in my view. However, I believe striving for modesty, in a conservative religious school, is really no different than striving for honesty, kindness, a good work ethic, or any other virtue. There will be subjectivity involved, obviously, but setting standards is not an impossible task.

 

YMMV. :)  

 

I think it's ridiculous that people misuse and misunderstand the actual meaning of Biblical modesty.  It doesn't mean don't wear tight clothing.

 

I think it's ridiculous that a school is wanting a dresscode that is modesty-based in theory and the parents are trying to make it not-modesty-based in practice.

 

Besides the fact that if the parents don't agree with the modesty-based rules why are they sending their children there?

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Hogwarts robes. Including the super cute house ties.

 

No, seriously dress codes are such quicksand. I'm in the assign a uniform and have a rule that no underwear can be showing (probably covers the worst problem with both genders), and then move on camp.

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Many dress codes I've seen over the years measure the length of skirts and shorts with the "fingertip rule." They must be no shorter than the longest fingertip when the wearer of the item places his or her hands straight down on their outer leg. 

 

This allows for people who are different shapes and sizes and can easily be checked if the teachers or administration want to obsess over it. It applies to both girls and boys. 

 

have you actually done that on yourself or on a teen female? Because that's actually quite a short skirt. I don't think I have unreasonably short arms, and that would not be a skirt I'd wear to an office.....

 

 

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I see HOT.

But I live in Texas.

 

Maybe naked underneath?

 

But that would bring its own problems... :)

 

Dress codes are such a pain. So necessary, not only in schools but also in other places, but really annoying.

 

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We get into trouble when it moves from people choosing to follow their idea of "Scripturally-mandated modesty" and having an authority enforce their own idea of it.  It becomes creepy and judge-y!

  

I think it's ridiculous that people misuse and misunderstand the actual meaning of Biblical modesty.  It doesn't mean don't wear tight clothing.

 

I think it's ridiculous that a school is wanting a dresscode that is modesty-based in theory and the parents are trying to make it not-modesty-based in practice.

 

Besides the fact that if the parents don't agree with the modesty-based rules why are they sending their children there?

To find it creepy for a male teacher to enforce a "modesty" dress code on female students acknowledges that such a code inherently sexualizes the situation. The same goal could be reached by emphasizing that school is to be a somewhat more formal, business-like environment. Plenty of workplaces maintain standards of dress without heavy sexual overtones.
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We get into trouble when it moves from people choosing to follow their idea of "Scripturally-mandated modesty" and having an authority enforce their own idea of it.  It becomes creepy and judge-y!

 

In the case of a school, the modesty standards would be decided not by one person but by (I would hope) a group of people with generally similar standards. Again, in a private school, that's their prerogative. 

 

Modesty seems to be a particularly unpopular virtue in our culture. I personally don't see it differently than enforcing a standard of, say, only using kind and edifying speech in the classroom. Is that creepy and judgey, too? Both are Biblical concepts, and this is a Christian school.

 

IDK, I'm surrounded by non-creepy and non-(at least outwardly)-judgey Amish and Mennonite Christians, so a dress code for modesty is not really a foreign concept to me.  :)

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IMO, the view of modesty by this school and many other conservative Christian organizations in my area are nothing short of creepy. But, it's a private school, and I knew that going it. I also know that down here in the Bible Belt, traditional views like this are slow to change....but they are changing! I'm not interested in trying to get anyone to run before they're ready to walk.

 

The specific inseam is "creepy," yes, but it leaves less room for pettiness or varying degrees of "how short is too short." And the whole modesty thing is, again, IMO, already creepy.

 

The dress code is split into two, well, four. Separate codes for girls & boys. Separate codes for elementary & junior/high school.

 

It's a matter of trying to move forward in the best manner possible, understanding that there is not going to be a total overhaul of the dress code and views on modesty in one year.

 

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