Homeschooling while treating Breast Cancer?

[J&JMom]

The title says it all. Today I had my biopsy and the doctor is 95% (or more) sure it will come back malignant.  Fingers crossed I am only stage 2, but that is neither here nor there as I am fighting this thing!   I have not told my children and won't until I get the results back, and have a firmer idea of what we are dealing with (should be in a couple of days- this week at the latest).  At a minimum, I will need surgery, possibly radiation, chemo or both over the course of the next 6-12 months.  Our school year, in other words.  

My original plan (ha!) was to start school two weeks from today so we can have our breaks and end early May for travel.  Well...  I know I won't be able to do things like I have the past 3 years - very teacher intensive, lots of field trips, hands-on stuff simply because appointments, side effects, and energy levels will most likely not be conducive. Husband and I think that a few days after telling them I have cancer, we would present these options:  1) continue to homeschool knowing more independent work will need to be done with NO drama, or 2) enroll in public school (which will have its own drama...)   I would love to continue to homeschool as we enjoy it, but I don't want to freak out the kids too much with symptoms and realities of constant calls/appointments, etc.. Public school would provide a buffer where I can be "off stage" and handle more of my treatment solo.  However, if this has a less-than-desirable outcome, I would have had all this quality time with the kids if I homeschool.  My husband thinks it's a no-brainer that the kids will chose to stay home.  

I guess my post is really about how can I homeschool while dealing with all this and to see if anyone has traveled this road before me. 

[TranquilMind]

I'm sorry and I hope and pray the result is better than expected!  I'm sure you will find a good way to work it all out.

[AimeeM]

Are the grades you have in your signature their grades for this upcoming year? If so, I think both of the options you have laid out hold merit. If they choose to stay home, it's okay to be more relaxed this year - in fact, it may do you a world of good (emotionally, medically) to have that normalcy. Just try to do a bit less academic, a few more field trips, and a whole lot of cuddling on the couch watching movies with your children.

If the grades you have listed are accurate, and nobody is going into high school this year, and you feel genuinely positive about what you have done with them academically in the past, let them make this choice - and if it's that they want to stay home with you and have a more mom-focused (as in, focused ON mom) year, let them have that.

 

Prayers for a speedy recovery :)

[Ravin]

If they stay home, you should talk to the folks on the Chronic Illness and Homeschooling social group. You will have up days and bad days, have open-and-go things to occupy the kids on meh days, everyone has a break on bad days (kids can learn important skills like how to cook dinner and how to take care of YOU when they need to), and have a list of "things we will do when I'm up to it to have ready for those days.

 

They are old enough that for a lot of things, they can direct/manage their own learning if the tools are at hand for them.

[foxbridgeacademy]

Don't be surprised if they choose public school. DS insisted that he wanted to go to PS after I found out I had diabetes and heart issues.  This is my kid who had previously professed to thinking PS was the biggest waste of time ever invented.  It took several weeks for me to coax him into telling me the truth, he thought PS would be easier on me and even though it would make him miserable he wanted to help out in the only way he could.  I'll tell you the same thing I told him, PS comes with it own equally difficult hassles and seeing him so unhappy would make it doubly worse.  We're still HSing.  We did have a very hit and miss year while I had tests ran, tons of appointments, and multiple med adjustments to the point that I can function again.  But we're adjusting and we can easily catch up.  So I guess my advice is to do what works for you and the kids, they are stronger and more resilient then you might imagine. Don't assume PS/being away from the reality of treatment will shield them from the fear and worry, it will still be there.

[J&JMom]

If they stay home, you should talk to the folks on the Chronic Illness and Homeschooling social group. You will have up days and bad days, have open-and-go things to occupy the kids on meh days, everyone has a break on bad days (kids can learn important skills like how to cook dinner and how to take care of YOU when they need to), and have a list of "things we will do when I'm up to it to have ready for those days.

 

They are old enough that for a lot of things, they can direct/manage their own learning if the tools are at hand for them.

Thanks for posting this. I had no idea that there was a group like this. I just now realized there is a 'social groups' tab on the menu. I have only hung out here on the boards. Do I just apply?

 

BTW - The grades list in my siggie are true for the 2016-2017 school  year.

 

My oldest is taking 2 high school level classes through TTUISD for credit as suggested/required by our public high school we already planned for him to attend next year. Really can't slack on those classes as it would derail his plans.   Also, my youngest in on the spectrum (very high functioning with mild LD - grade level everything now)and would most definitely required ADHD meds in a classroom situation. I took him off medication when I brought him home 3 years ago, but I could adjust to his needs - a 6th grade classroom won't.  I do not look forward to advocating for his needs while dealing with my own, IYWIM. 

 

ETA -  I can't find Chronic Illness group after going through the 20 pages. Can you send me an invite/link or something? Thanks.

Edited July 26, 2016 by J&JMom

[prairiewindmomma]

I'm trying to figure out how to invite you to the group. The proper title is "Chronic Illness Moms".

 

ETA: I tried to invite you by name in the group, and an error message came back saying that you don't exist. I am sorry that the website is either glitchy or I'm incompetent.

Edited July 26, 2016 by kbeal

[Tracy]

I was very sick this past year.  I am a huge supporter of homeschooling through illness.  There is nothing wrong with putting your kids in public school. Sometimes, it is just necessary. But if you expect public school to be a trauma, I would not trade one trauma for another if you can avoid it.

 

The first thing I had to do was rethink our purpose for homeschooling.  Initially, it had been for academic reasons.  Once I got sick, I decided we had to focus on life skills and spiritual development. I had to give up so much; it was very painful.  No grammar, no spelling, no science.  History became just a book basket.  Dh wrote a story with ds8 for his handwriting and composition.  Ds8 also typed his story (all 20 page of it!).  Both kids did math independently, including some Khan Academy.  Dd11 did Writing Tales.  They kept up piano lessons since the teacher comes to the house.  Dh is doing science this summer with both of them.  

 

I know it doesn't sound like much.  But my kids grew so much this past year.  They learned how to keep the bathroom clean without my help.  They learned to make their own breakfast and lunch.  They learned how to get themselves ready for church and other activities without anyone telling them what to do.  They learned how to have faith in the face of trials. They discovered that they were valuable members of our family and could make a big difference in the life of someone who is struggling.  They learned compassion and how to make sacrifices with grace. 

 

There were times that I was so sick, I couldn't do anything but lay with my kids.  But I am so glad they were home. If they had gone to school, they would have worried about me all day long, in addition to the stress of the b&m school environment.  We did a lot of cuddling.  I worked really hard to smile at them often and praise and encourage their efforts.  I am doing a bit better now, and this year won't be as hard as the last.  So now we need to step up our game.  But I have absolutely no regrets about keeping them home and downplaying the academics.  As far as I can tell, they are still ahead of their peers.  

[mamiof5]

I haven't been in this situation, but did listen to a speaker a couple years ago, she talked about homeschooling in the midst of chaos/troubles/tragedy etc.

 

She had some really good points. After a family tragedy she put her kids in school thinking it was the best at the time. 6 months later they all came back home. It just added extra chaos, stress, and it was harder for all of them to grieve together when the kids were gone all day. It worked better for them to have a "low academics" year, but her kids and her learned invaluable life lessons.

 

Either or (school or home), I'm sure it'll be fine and you'll find what works best for all of you.

 

I'm sorry you are dealing with this! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[3 ladybugs]

I am sorry you are having to deal with this. (((hugs))))

 

My son was only 15 months old when I was diagnosed with cancer, and I had Lymphoma so it was a different animal. However assuming it is somewhat similar, I would think it would be doable provided you did only what you HAVE to do, and not what you would LIKE to do. 

 

With my chemo treatments I had one day of chemo (school totally not happening... though maybe you could do SOMETHING with older children when you get the chemo). The next 5 days I recovered from the chemo (at home, tired, suppose light school work could be done here) after that I started to feel better and better till 3 weeks from chemo I had to do it all over again (my case 6 times). 

 

I then had radiation. My radiation was pelvic so it was again a different animal. I had 2 rounds (days) of it over a month (M-F essentially). With that I didn't actually feel bad at all. I was told a laundry list of things I could feel, but I felt fine. I got a puppy (now 6 years old) in that time and 3 days after radiation stopped, I house broke the dog and the kid. So in my case I could have easily homeschooled through that month. I was "in treatment" for a total of 6.5 months. I had one hospitalization for 3 days in there. 

 

Your endurance will be off. I wouldn't plan a ton outside the home. That would have killed me (figuratively speaking). However at home activities should be good. It took me a good 6-12 months after everything was done (in my case the end of radiation) to feel completely normal with my endurance. So keep that in mind. That was me though, you could be different. 

 

I would also encourage you to look at breast cancer message boards. They would be able to tell you exactly what you are looking at as far as how you will be feeling. You can do this and then you will be sitting on this side of things telling another mother that she can do it too just like I am to you! 

 

Good luck!

 

ETA I had 20 days of radiation. Not 2. 

Edited July 27, 2016 by 3 ladybugs

[mysticmomma]

I would say keep them home. Reach out, slow down and make expectations clear.

[J&JMom]

OP here.

Got the expected news today and broke it to the kids at Nana's house.  They took it as well as to be expected and one of the first questions was about schooling. Haven't made any firm decision yet, but the boys are advocating staying at home with the lower expectations.  Deep down, I want them home, too.  Now to go about making this happen.  But first, some dinner and a nap.

Thanks for responding everyone. 

[Kel & the Kids]

I'm sorry to hear your news.  I just did this last year, in fact you can check my blog to see how it went ; )   You can homeschool through surgery, chemo and radiation. Especially with older kids. I got my diagnosis in September, right before we started back to school and finished radiation and the worst of my chemo right before we finished school in June. 

 

We chose to keep the kids home in order to minimize the changes that would be happening. My biggest concern was having them see me go through terrible chemo side effects, but you know the clinic managed my symptoms so well and I had a wonderful naturopathic oncologist and really the symptoms were very manageable.  For the kids probably the biggest issue was my hair, or lack thereof.

 

I managed to be up almost every morning, even though I may have had to go lay down after a while.  I had a nap most afternoons as the chemo wore on.  I usually managed to make some dinner and sit with the family (that was always wonderful).  I schooled from the couch a lot.  It really wasn't unlike being pregnant! 

 

You should see how it goes, it's different for everyone and if you take care of yourself very well during the process you may be surprised at how well you do. Eating well (lots of high nutrient foods and no sugar), daily walks outside, lots of water... all were immensely helpful. I did continue to enjoy my daily coffee even though I cut out the sugar : )

 

Anyway, it's not the ideal homeschool year, but it can be done!  It has sure made me enjoy this year...  every bit of it. 

 

Best wishes to you...