Motivating Yourself & Your Home-Educated Children

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

**Be advised that this post contains Christian and military references.  It is not intended to offend those that oppose or do not agree with these subjects.

 

Homeschooling presents many challenges.  Education can sometimes be considered a minimal challenge compared to home-management, self-care (the homeschool teacher), and motivation/training of your children to stay the course day-by-day outside of the normal school social environment.  Many parents feel frustrated, incompetent, and at times unable to get their children at a point of self-motivation and responsibility, which is crucial for them to have success.  

 

Personally, I am blessed to have come from a military family.  Both of my brothers and my father served as Marines.  My dad and one of my brothers retired from the Marine Corps.  That being said, my childhood could be described as fairly disciplined, physically active/fit, and hearing The Marine Corps Hymn as my lullaby at bedtime.

 

As a home-educator for 19 years,  I have been through many ups-and-downs both physically and mentally.  I have birthed 9 children, 8 boys, 1 girl (1 is in Heaven).  Thank God my childhood prepared me for what was to come in the brutal challenges and responsibilities common to the homeschooling lifestyle.  

 

When we first began home-educating, my very young children were very eager to please me and do what they were told to do.  I thought I had it all together and all figured out.  Man, this was an incorrect assumption on my part.  Big-time.  I had to dig deep and remember my  own childhood environment and how it helped me.

 

This reflection made me realize that the homeschooling family is a unit similar to the military.  We share a vision, mission, and ideal.  This vision is often a higher standard or expectation than much of what we have seen in mainstream society.  However, our own human weaknesses are quickly made apparent.  We fail.  We get tired.  Our children sometimes do the same.  How does the military take so many individuals and turn them into disciplined humans?

 

I began to read many military biographies in order to learn how individuals are trained to stay motivated as well as work together as a unit (like a family).  My biggest discovery was that discipline is a key component to this formula.  Biggest discovery?  It’s starts with ME.  Yikes.  If I’m not motivated, my children aren’t either.

 

I had to start setting a better example with my own routine.  As a personal trainer, I had been well-informed about working out and staying in shape.  However, after birthing babies and homeschooling, I put my physical health on the backburner.  Bad idea.

 

But how to fit it in along with the gazillion other tasks and duties that face a homeschooling mom each day….that was another story.  

 

Time-management and routine became my number 1 goal.  Children are often bored if they do not have a concept of how their times is used.  I tend to get little done if I don’t put a name on the minutes/hours/seconds of my day.  Not to say that I am strict and super-disciplined.  Actually, my tendency is toward the lazy side!  I’d rather sit on my butt with a cup of coffee and a good book to read.  

 

Managers of Their Homes became a saving grace for me.  I can hear some of you groaning at hearing this.  Stop it!  MOTH does not have to be used like an idol.  I have used it as a guide to manage my time, but I have also taken lots of liberty to mix it up and use it as a tool.  Sometimes we structure our days in a routine fashion rather than by the hour.  Nevertheless, it is critical to structure your day.  Free-time is also part of that.  Make sure you and your children have free-time.

 

Once you get that structure/routine thing down, it’s time to motivate.  

 

My boys love anything military.  My daughter is even inspired by the standards the military puts in place.  Laziness and sluggardly behavior is not usually what we admire.  However, when we see the Blue Angels fly over our town in formation during our yearly festival, we are in awe of their precision.  It takes a lot of work to get there.

 

We watch YouTube videos about military training.  Any branch will do, but the Marine Corps and SEAL BUDS training video are the most motivating.  My boys are even watching the Russian Spetsnaz videos.  They are an exceptional fighting force that many have never heard of. I think that the human spirit knows it can accomplish a lot, but it just needs the motivation to get there. God made us all to do great things.  I think we are very disappointed psychologically when we don’t meet our capabilities.  

 

The SEAL BUDS training videos are our favorite.  You can watch one each day (they are a bit long) to see what the SEALS do.  It makes you feel like a pansy...haha.  It made me put our daily life into perspective and how we didn’t have the endurance to even get the laundry done...grin.

 

Here is a link to our favorite videos for initial motivation (warning, there may be some language and intense scenes):  https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=navy+seals+buds

 

If those get you all inspired, and make sure you are viewing the videos together, you can progress to workout videos.  Search “Navy SEAL Workout†in the YouTube search bar and you will have many options to choose from.

 

In conclusion, it is important to look at yourself, your home, and your relationships with your children/spouse.  If your home is not a fun place to live in, and your family is not in good relationship, no one will be very motivated to do much.  Some of them likely will wish that they weren’t there.  With some work, you can attempt to change all of that.

 

This may sound a bit preachy, so I apologize.  However, you only have your children for a short time.  See what makes them tick and do your best to motivate them toward achieving their God-given potential.  I have 2 sons in the military right now and they are loving life.  They are 22 and completely independent (1 is married).  They are exceptional for their age.  Believe me, not all of my children are as motivated and successful as they are, but our goal is to point them in that direction. My job is definitely not done yet!

Try to stay motivated.  You won’t always be perfect, and that’s okay.  Just try not to make an unmotivated state your usual condition in your home.  Your children are watching you.  (if you are simply exhausted all of the time, a doctor’s appointment may be a good idea).

[HomeAgain]

I would have loved to discuss this, but with everything presented as The One Way, it hardly seems like a discussion topic.

So....for those of us who struggle around February, when it's the nastiest time of year and we're tired of being cooped up, what works for you to slog through the hard days?

ETA: Not going to lie, our method is to take a vacation until spring and we feel rested again.

Edited July 14, 2016 by HomeAgain

[Another Lynn]

:lurk5:

[Guest]

I'm in a military family, both now and growing up. My life is nothing like this! Though my children, too, are exceptional :-)

 

op I'm super glad you have found what works for you, both pragmatically AND in your heart and soul! And i understand why it feels very exciting to you. Nine kids and a personal trainer and a homeschooler! Your kids are blessed to have you.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I agree with a pp that is this is a lecture or a blog post, not a discussion, but I also agree with another pp that I'm glad you've found what works for your family! :)

[Ravin]

I guess the problem I see with this is that, in the military, everyone volunteered to be there, and has buy-in with respect to the mission goals. Those that don't wash out.

 

Letting your kids wash out of your family is not an option. There has to be a positive incentive for buy-in and children must be encouraged to develop internal discipline and motivation, not just have it imposed from without.

[Cake and Pi]

I appreciate you sharing what works for your family.  I'm interested in the videos and will definitely have to look through some and see if any might be appropriate for my younger boys.  I have one who I cannot seem to motivate to do anything.  He whines and complains about absolutely everything and works very hard to do things lazily (kinda like those people who drive around for 15 minutes looking for a parking space close to the front of the store).  But he wants to be "a ninja warrior" when he grows up and something like this may actually reach him.

[Shred Betty]

This past season I had some very interesting experiences. I really had plateaued in my snowboarding skill, took 5 yrs off, then returned to the mountain, same old equipment and same old trails but this time with DD7 in tow, and I was a completely different motivated focused and nearly fearless woman. I was armed with mental, not physical skills this time. My skills took off and I was able to apply what I learned about facing fear, tackling the "impossible" and motivation to many many other of life's situations.

 

To your point about motivation and endurance: I know the worth of mentally steeling yourself and giving yourself examples that show you you can do more, be more than you used to think possible. It's great to read an example of how you've applied this same concept & life lesson to your whole life management.

 

Thanks for sharing I'm going to be re reading this on an as needed basis :)

 

If im going to be a 35 yr old SAHM who can "tamedog" in a season or two, not to mention be a new to homeschooling mom with good self-motivated kid results, I'd better get my flipping inner SEAL on ;)

 

^ The Tamedog

Edited July 15, 2016 by Shred Betty

[8filltheheart]

I agree with the underlying sentiment in your post Camy, even if our philosophies are very different.

 

I could not have managed to provide my children the education they have received without (not is any specific order) self-discipline to stay on task, organization to keep our home and school functioning, my children taking ownership over their education for their goals, and my husband being my emotional support on the hard days.

 

Our home does not resemble a military life in any way, shape, or form. (Well, with the possible exception of how many times we have moved. ;) ) I do not function on a timetable. I am a go with the flow type person, but our flow has a routine, everyone has a role to play, and every person in the family has to help contribute (even if is just baby smiles and giggles brightening up the day.)

 

I had to make me time fit in the schedule. My time right now is 5-630. I wake up, read, and walk on the treadmill. My number one rule before starting the rest of my day is that I start a load of laundry. As silly as it sounds, knowing that a load of laundry is started first thing in the morning means that I have managed to get one thing going in my crazy day to keep our household functioning.

 

My kids play a major role in our household dynamic. Homeschooling is about them and they know that they have the lead roles---student. We expect them to treat their role as student as their vocation. It is their job and they are expected to do their job to the best of their ability.

 

Over the yrs that role shifts and changes and takes on greater leadership and self-direction, just like anyone growing and being promoted in their field. They move from being directly taught and being told what to do to being collaborators designing their educations to match their goals.

 

If my kids lacked internal motivation, didn't help with the functioning of the house, were negative and unresponsive, this would not be a positive, encouraging environment. It is just as much their interaction with each other and our goals as it is mine with them that makes this work.

 

That is what has worked for us. We have been going strong since 1994 when our oldest was in K, and my youngest is starting 1st, so we have 12 more yrs to go. I can only face that bc I love what we have created together, know that they are not only thriving academically but also excelling, and know that they are wonderful adults on the other end. :)

Edited July 15, 2016 by 8FillTheHeart