Do women really say the opposite of what they mean?

[SparklyUnicorn]

I hear this said (jokingly) all the time.  Someone will say it and many women will chime in...oh...so true!  Is it REALLY true?  I don't say the opposite of what I mean, and I find it rather offensive.  Not that I can't take a joke, but this doesn't seem very funny to me.  As if women are just wishy washy airheads who can't ever make up their minds and never say anything anyone should take seriously.

 

 

[Guest]

Yes. Some actually do, intentionally and not. Clear, logical speech and interactions aren't the strong suit of society in general these days, but with women there can be some really complex relationship dynamics and power plays going on with speech as the primary vehicle. Men have their own games and duplicity but talking isn't often the preferred method of manipulation.

 

Broad generalizations obviously, but they are what I have personally observed.

[Laura Corin]

I don't say the opposite of what I mean but I sometimes stay quiet to keep the peace.  Something I learned painfully in trying to get on with my MIL.  Not if it's something offensive - I do try to speak out then.

[gardenmom5]

some do. it's manipulative.  (for whatever reason.)

 

I don't.  I don't respect people who play manipulative games.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't say the opposite of what I mean but I sometimes stay quiet to keep the peace.  Something I learned painfully in trying to get on with my MIL.  Not if it's something offensive - I do try to speak out then.

 

My MIL doesn't know what I say anyway so,... :laugh:

 

That can be good and bad....

[Carrie12345]

I am a sarcastic person so, technically, I often say the opposite of what I mean.  But it's understood as such.  Usually, lol.

 

But as far as the actual stereotype goes, no.

[TABmom]

I don't really get it. I can't imagine saying the opposite of what I mean. I did see a cartoon the other day that had women saying goodbye and they're all like "love you, miss you, you're my bestie" and then when one woman leaves the others say negative things about her. Then it showed men with one guy leaving and they're calling him names to his face like "see you later, a**hole" and then after he leaves, one guy turns to the other says "he's a really great dude". I see the stereotypes, but I don't have anyone in my social circle that acts like that.

[bibiche]

You mean you didn't know that "no" means "yes?"

[Guest]

I don't. But I know some who do. I consider myself to be a person with little artifice, to the point where I might seem obtuse. I had a (short-lived) friendship with a women who was always "crafting" her interactions. I found her manipulative to a maddening degree, which was why I discontinued that "friendship." She played a lot of head games and said X to mean Y or to make people think she thinks this or meant that...it was too ridiculous.

 

If you notice in a lot of older movies or literature this whole "coy woman" thing was supposed to be so appealing. Barf.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I'll just be honest here and say that yes, I have met a lot of women who, for whatever reason, make communication unnecessarily complicated.  Perhaps by saying the opposite of what they mean, perhaps by assuming people will read between lines (which they don't), or for whatever reason, and yes, I do feel this come more often from women than from men.  

 

Once in college, I had a boyfriend sort of call me out gently for communicating this way.  When I realized what I was doing and how damaging it could be, I stopped, cold turkey.  I try to be as direct as possible now, while using the "Is it true/kind/necessary?" criteria.  

 

ETA- this has nothing to do with sarcasm, which is a style of humor that I use and appreciate in others.   :thumbup:

Edited July 11, 2016 by Monica_in_Switzerland

[Chelli]

If I'm really upset, I tend to not be honest until I've worked out my own feelings.

 

So the following scenario would happen:

 

DH: Are you angry about something?

 

Me: No (but it's obvious by body language, tone of voice I am)

 

DH: Are you sure?

 

Me: Yes, I'm sure.

 

DH: Okay.

 

Later when I'm ready to talk to him about it, I will. The reason I say the opposite of what I'm really feeling is because if I say something like, "Yes, but I need some time to process and organize my thoughts," he'll bother me and keep asking about it which makes me even angrier. Sometimes you have to know your audience.

 

Also, sometimes I am angry about something, but I know it's my issue and something I need to work through on my own and I don't wish to discuss it with anyone else so there won't be hurt feelings.

[Seasider]

I really hate this dynamic. I say what I mean, and mean what I say. However, there's a person in my family who was raised with and believes the "nice gals don't say what they *really* think" behavior. I have to listen very carefully and ask qualifying questions when conversing with her. But what's more maddening is her constant attempt to read between the lines of every clear statement I make, resulting in misinterpretation and often very difficult conversations (um, I meant just what I said, there's no hidden message there, quit trying to twist up my words!).

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I don't. But I know some who do. I consider myself to be a person with little artifice, to the point where I might seem obtuse. I had a (short-lived) friendship with a women who was always "crafting" her interactions. I found her manipulative to a maddening degree, which was why I discontinued that "friendship." She played a lot of head games and said X to mean Y or to make people think she thinks this or meant that...it was too ridiculous.

 

If you notice in a lot of older movies or literature this whole "coy woman" thing was supposed to be so appealing. Barf.

 

Not to get too philosophical too quickly, but I think you've hit the nail on the head with the word manipulation.  

 

Women have historically struggled to have cultural power due to sexism.  It may be that learning to manipulate through language use is a way to wield power when power is otherwise denied.  

 

Or maybe I need to calm down rather than escalate this discussion.  LOL

[regentrude]

Yes, that has been often my experience. Often, that is the case in situations where the woman denies her own needs because she feels that speaking up might inconvenience others or is not the polite thing to do. Lots of cultural conditioning behind that.

When traveling, she may ask her husband whether he wants to stop instead of speaking up and saying that she would like to stop, and then get upset because he did not perceive her needs, did not ask her back, and keeps driving. 

When asked whether she is OK, she may insist she is fine - and later be upset that the others could not sense that she was not and inquire further.

When asked whether a certain date is convenient for xyz she may say yes, even if it is inconvenient, and later resent that the date was chosen. Or worse, say "I guess it's OK" with a martyr undertone and facial expression that makes it clear it really is not OK for her.

Mind games.

 

I usually do not observe these kinds of behaviors in men.

 

ETA: Oh, and "hinting" at things, instead of clearly saying what is what. Expecting others to read their minds. Probably all stems from same cultural underpinnings. But is impractical, ineffective, and drives me nuts.

Or vague answers: "Do you want to do x today?" "If you want to...."  What is the person supposed to make of this answer? It wouldbe more constructive to respond "yes, I'd enjoy that" or "I don't really enjoy that, but I'd be happy to come along to keep you company" or "No, I'd rather not, can we do something else?"

I have a friend who communicates like this and it is exhausting.

Edited July 11, 2016 by regentrude

[lllll]

nm

Edited November 30, 2016 by cathey

[Seasider]

If you notice in a lot of older movies or literature this whole "coy woman" thing was supposed to be so appealing. Barf.

I do believe it is something that was practiced (even taught!) more in previous generations.

[Katy]

I think that generally most, but not all, women have a deeper understanding of subtext than most men.   I think that generally women use that subtext to communicate more than men.  I think that there are manipulators in both genders, but frequently, women are better at it then men.  Men who want control are more likely to use anger or brute force than women are.

 

I think that one or two extreme incidents are enough to make men bewildered and assume women always mean something different than they say.  There are also times when men think women don't say what they want, but really they are communicating it, it's just that men don't understand the subtext.  IE:  the nice guy/vs jerk syndrome.

 

ETA:  recently got into a facebook conversation about this.  If a woman, to end a fight, says, "Do whatever you want!" she really does mean, "Do whatever you want, but my respect for you is going to go WAY DOWN if you do the dishonorable and inconsiderate thing you have been hinting at doing, and you might never get my respect back if you don't understand that." 

Some moronic men think, "Okay, great, I'll skip my own kid's birthday party to hang out at a strip club with the guys from work, because she said I can do whatever I want."  Then get angry at the wife because she said to.  But she didn't say to.  The subtext was clearly Do whatever you want because I can't control you, but there are consequences to decisions like that.  It's not her fault he's decided that the person he wants to be is a self-centered, inconsiderate moron, so she starts treating him like one.

Edited July 11, 2016 by Katy

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

If I'm really upset, I tend to not be honest until I've worked out my own feelings.

 

So the following scenario would happen:

 

DH: Are you angry about something?

 

Me: No (but it's obvious by body language, tone of voice I am)

 

DH: Are you sure?

 

Me: Yes, I'm sure.

 

DH: Okay.

 

Later when I'm ready to talk to him about it, I will. The reason I say the opposite of what I'm really feeling is because if I say something like, "Yes, but I need some time to process and organize my thoughts," he'll bother me and keep asking about it which makes me even angrier. Sometimes you have to know your audience.

 

Also, sometimes I am angry about something, but I know it's my issue and something I need to work through on my own and I don't wish to discuss it with anyone else so there won't be hurt feelings.

 

This is not meant to pick on you in any way.  Obviously you do know your audience and have chosen your communication method for a reason!  

 

What if you instead said, "Yes, I am angry.  I need time to cool down and process, and then I will come to you when I'm ready to talk.  Please don't bother me in the mean time, because it'll screw up my cool-down process!"  I know it's longer, but it removes the lie/double-entendre.  

 

I think if your DH can't accept "I'm angry but don't want to talk about it right now", then in a moment when you are not angry, it would be worth discussing with him to see if he could modify his reaction to one that works better for you.  

[tm919]

I guess I do. Example: Husband comes down wearing shorts that are warm blue and a shirt that is a cool blue.

 

Him: Does this match

Me: It doesn't NOT match.

Him. OK, so it matches.

Me: I didn't say that.

 

What I really mean is, "maybe I wouldn't put that together but it isn't exactly a crime against people's eyes or anything... it's not worth  you changing your clothes and it's not worth my time to make you understand the difference between warm and cool shades when you seem from the past to be unable to distinguish between them." But what he hears is, "I am going to frustrate you on purpose."

 

Edit: I should mention that when I hear "Does this match," It's more like "Are my clothes so embarrassing that I should change, because if you say it doesn't match I'll change."

Edited July 11, 2016 by tm919

[catz]

I think both genders can play mind games.  I do think intentionally playing mind games is different than having a dry sense of humor, using occasional sarcasm, or joking (like men calling each other names when they have an established friendship, etc). 

 

Anyway, in general, no I don't think women always say the opposite of what they mean. 

 

I've found over the years I need to be very upfront and direct with DH.  He doesn't read between the lines on some stuff that seems obvious to me.  Anyway, if someone was saying that regularly, I would be curious about their experience and what they're talking about.  It may be their guilty woman is just not saying things that are not clear to HIM but might be perfectly clear to others. 

 

[gardenmom5]

in the 70s, dh noticed girls from a particular part of the country were particularly manipulative behind their very charming facades.  he wondered  about it.  after he visited that area, and noticed how often women were treated like decorations (or meat), he no longer wondered.  the manipulation (especially towards men) was their way of obtaining power.  I later visited that part of the country - and as we drove along the freeway, was amazed at the number of billboards for what could colloquially be called "gentlemen's clubs" (and women there are treated like Barbie dolls).

[Seasider]

I guess I do. Example: Husband comes down wearing shorts that are warm blue and a shirt that is a cool blue.

 

Him: Does this match

Me: It doesn't NOT match.

Him. OK, so it matches.

Me: I didn't say that.

 

What I really mean is, "maybe I wouldn't put that together but it isn't exactly a crime against people's eyes or anything... it's not worth you changing your clothes and it's not worth my time to make you understand the difference between warm and cool shades when you seem from the past to be unable to distinguish between them." But what he hears is, "I am going to frustrate you on purpose."

 

Edit: I should mention that when I hear "Does this match," It's more like "Are my clothes so embarrassing that I should change, because if you say it doesn't match I'll change."

Hope you don't mind if I ask... Why don't you just say what you mean in the first place?

[redsquirrel]

I can't stand passive aggressive behaviour, so I don't engage in it.  If I am upset about something then I say so.  If my needs aren't being met I take responsibility for it.  Unless I am being sarcastic I don't say the opposite of what I mean.  And, I make every attempt NOT to be sarcastic in conversations where it won't go over well, or I am angry.

 

I like most other adults, meaning men and women, sometimes go along to get along. That is part of life, because we are not always the most important person in any given situation. Adults regularly subsume their needs to a group or another individual. But, if it starts becoming intolerable or I feel like I am always the one giving, then I will say something or try to change the situation.

 

In general, I make it a policy that if If I say something is ok with me, then it is ok. It might not be my absolute favorite outcome but I have accepted that and am willing to move on.  If I can't do that, for some reason, then it needs to be discussed, sometimes at a later time. If it can't be discussed then I will do my best to take responsibility to change the situation or the environment.

 

And I don't make people try to figure me out. I don't play those games. Again, I just hate that shit and I don't engage with people that act that way. Fastest way to have me kick someone to the curb is consistent passive aggressive behaviour. It's infantile and I don't have time for that. Be a grownup or go away.

 

And FWIW, I see women and men engage it in equally. I don't think either gender has the lock in immature manipulative behaviour.

[tm919]

Hope you don't mind if I ask... Why don't you just say what you mean in the first place?

 

He shouldn't need to change in this case. It's not that bad of a mismatch to merit that. Based on the times that I told him something didn't match (he can be really really bad) and he immediately changed, I hear "Does this match?" as "Should I change?" Once I tried "No, but don't change" and he told me about 15 times on our trip that he felt awkward that his clothes didn't match and should have changed.

[lllll]

nm 

 

Edited November 30, 2016 by cathey

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yes, that has been often my experience. Often, that is the case in situations where the woman denies her own needs because she feels that speaking up might inconvenience others or is not the polite thing to do. Lots of cultural conditioning behind that.

When traveling, she may ask her husband whether he wants to stop instead of speaking up and saying that she would like to stop, and then get upset because he did not perceive her needs, did not ask her back, and keeps driving. 

When asked whether she is OK, she may insist she is fine - and later be upset that the others could not sense that she was not and inquire further.

When asked whether a certain date is convenient for xyz she may say yes, even if it is inconvenient, and later resent that the date was chosen. Or worse, say "I guess it's OK" with a martyr undertone and facial expression that makes it clear it really is not OK for her.

Mind games.

 

I usually do not observe these kinds of behaviors in men.

 

ETA: Oh, and "hinting" at things, instead of clearly saying what is what. Expecting others to read their minds. Probably all stems from same cultural underpinnings. But is impractical, ineffective, and drives me nuts.

Or vague answers: "Do you want to do x today?" "If you want to...."  What is the person supposed to make of this answer? It wouldbe more constructive to respond "yes, I'd enjoy that" or "I don't really enjoy that, but I'd be happy to come along to keep you company" or "No, I'd rather not, can we do something else?"

I have a friend who communicates like this and it is exhausting.

 

I dunno.  This seems like something little kids do.  Instead of asking if I would roll the window up in the car my younger kid might say "brrr I'm cold".

 

My husband and I do kind of have a vague back and forth sometimes.  What do you want to do?  I don't know...how about you?  You want to do that?  I don't know, do you?  I don't know, do you?  We are indecisive.  LOL  But it's not that we aren't saying what we mean.  We really both mean it when we say we don't know!

 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

He shouldn't need to change in this case. It's not that bad of a mismatch to merit that. Based on the times that I told him something didn't match (he can be really really bad) and he immediately changed, I hear "Does this match?" as "Should I change?" Once I tried "No, but don't change" and he told me about 15 times on our trip that he felt awkward that his clothes didn't match and should have changed.

 

Thank goodness my husband does not ask me clothing questions!

[SparklyUnicorn]

in the 70s, dh noticed girls from a particular part of the country were particularly manipulative behind their very charming facades.  he wondered  about it.  after he visited that area, and noticed how often women were treated like decorations (or meat), he no longer wondered.  the manipulation (especially towards men) was their way of obtaining power.  I later visited that part of the country - and as we drove along the freeway, was amazed at the number of billboards for what could colloquially be called "gentlemen's clubs" (and women there are treated like Barbie dolls).

 

Ah now THIS I can fathom.  I sometimes do manipulate situations I am otherwise powerless to control by using less direct tactics.  I fully admit to doing that.  This isn't with my husband because that isn't our dynamic, but I suppose if it were that it might happen. 

[gardenmom5]

I dunno.  This seems like something little kids do.  Instead of asking if I would roll the window up in the car my younger kid might say "brrr I'm cold".

 

My husband and I do kind of have a vague back and forth sometimes.  What do you want to do?  I don't know...how about you?  You want to do that?  I don't know, do you?  I don't know, do you?  We are indecisive.  LOL  But it's not that we aren't saying what we mean.  We really both mean it when we say we don't know!

 

 

 

we were taught that type of stuff growing up.  (my grandmother could give lessons in manipulation.)

 

if my kids say that to me - I'd tell them to put on a coat or roll up the window. 

 

when they say things like that, I ask them what they were going to do about it.  I encourage them to do age-appropriate things  themselves.  I also let them know if they want my help,  to let me know.  (because I want them to learn how to think and do things themselves, I'm not going to follow them around for the rest of their lives doing stuff for them.)

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I dunno.  This seems like something little kids do.  Instead of asking if I would roll the window up in the car my younger kid might say "brrr I'm cold".

 

My husband and I do kind of have a vague back and forth sometimes.  What do you want to do?  I don't know...how about you?  You want to do that?  I don't know, do you?  I don't know, do you?  We are indecisive.  LOL  But it's not that we aren't saying what we mean.  We really both mean it when we say we don't know!

 

 

 

That's funny.  I would actually think it pretty rare for kids to engage in that kind of communication.  My kids don't seem to struggle AT ALL with articulating complaints in a clear and forthright manner!  LOL

[Liz CA]

I really hate this dynamic. I say what I mean, and mean what I say. However, there's a person in my family who was raised with and believes the "nice gals don't say what they *really* think" behavior. I have to listen very carefully and ask qualifying questions when conversing with her. But what's more maddening is her constant attempt to read between the lines of every clear statement I make, resulting in misinterpretation and often very difficult conversations (um, I meant just what I said, there's no hidden message there, quit trying to twist up my words!).

 

Exactly. In society (still) there is this persistent belief that women who are outspoken are aggressive and un-feminine.

Saying things straight forward (without being rude or come across as rude) is challenging to some. Therefore women just swallow and move on or blatantly deny something is bothering them.

 

[gardenmom5]

That's funny.  I would actually think it pretty rare for kids to engage in that kind of communication.  My kids don't seem to struggle AT ALL with articulating complaints in a clear and forthright manner!  LOL

 

dudling did. all.  the. time. he  was very good at articulating what he did NOT want.  that's not what I asked kid - tell me what you WANT.  I've had to teach him how to do that.  we're still working on it.  he's 11.

[VaKim]

Not me. But then, every time I read an article about the differences between men and women, I discover all over again that I am apparently a man. Emotionally, intellectually and verbally, anyway. 

[gardenmom5]

Not me. But then, every time I read an article about the differences between men and women, I discover all over again that I am apparently a man. Emotionally, intellectually and verbally, anyway. 

and spatially.  the way I give directions.  when my sil gives me directions - I want to run screaming from the room.  just give me the address please.  not, turn on the street with the pasture on the left and go until you get to the overhead power lines. . . . . . (and she's married to an engineer!!!!! and she gives directions like that. thunk.)

[SparklyUnicorn]

That's funny.  I would actually think it pretty rare for kids to engage in that kind of communication.  My kids don't seem to struggle AT ALL with articulating complaints in a clear and forthright manner!  LOL

 

One of mine is direct.  The other one has trouble being direct (the younger one).  . 

[SparklyUnicorn]

and spatially.  the way I give directions.  when my sil gives me directions - I want to run screaming from the room.  just give me the address please.  not, turn on the street with the pasture on the left and go until you get to the overhead power lines. . . . . . (and she's married to an engineer!!!!! and she gives directions like that. thunk.)

 

Hah..see I prefer those types of directions.  I don't give directions because I"m terrible at it.  Only ask me if you don't want to make it there.  LOL 

[Seasider]

we were taught that type of stuff growing up. (my grandmother could give lessons in manipulation.)

 

if my kids say that to me - I'd tell them to put on a coat or roll up the window.

 

when they say things like that, I ask them what they were going to do about it. I encourage them to do age-appropriate things themselves. I also let them know if they want my help, to let me know. (because I want them to learn how to think and do things themselves, I'm not going to follow them around for the rest of their lives doing stuff for them.)

I was thinking of the OP in terms of grown women, but this reminds me that several years back, I had to cease allowing unsupervised play between one of mine and a young friend. The friend's dialogue was full of this type of manipulative speech. I don't believe it was malicious, but it was pervasive in conversations and decisions (what to play, snack time, trying to conspire overnights, etc) and in the way they communicated with me when they were together. I did at one point instruct them both about speaking directly when having a want or need, but one conversation couldn't overcome the other child's lifetime habit.

 

I'm all for witty banter - hooray for Elizabeth Bennet! - but it shouldn't be manipulative.

[Seasider]

and spatially. the way I give directions. when my sil gives me directions - I want to run screaming from the room. just give me the address please. not, turn on the street with the pasture on the left and go until you get to the overhead power lines. . . . . . (and she's married to an engineer!!!!! and she gives directions like that. thunk.)

Seriously! I sometimes think the Women Who Appreciate the Compass Rose Club must be pretty small.

[SparklyUnicorn]

dudling did. all.  the. time. he  was very good at articulating what he did NOT want.  that's not what I asked kid - tell me what you WANT.  I've had to teach him how to do that.  we're still working on it.  he's 11.

 

I think with my 11 year old, he is afraid someone will say no.  It's very odd though how far he will go without saying anything specific about anything.  He does this with everything.

 

And I don't get it because I'm not a hard @$$ by any stretch. 

[Guest]

I guess I do. Example: Husband comes down wearing shorts that are warm blue and a shirt that is a cool blue.

 

Him: Does this match

Me: It doesn't NOT match.

Him. OK, so it matches.

Me: I didn't say that.

 

What I really mean is, "maybe I wouldn't put that together but it isn't exactly a crime against people's eyes or anything... it's not worth you changing your clothes and it's not worth my time to make you understand the difference between warm and cool shades when you seem from the past to be unable to distinguish between them." But what he hears is, "I am going to frustrate you on purpose."

 

Edit: I should mention that when I hear "Does this match," It's more like "Are my clothes so embarrassing that I should change, because if you say it doesn't match I'll change."

See, I would say, "It's not the BEST combination. You know that bright blue sailing shirt you have? It would go better with those shorts. They are both blue, yes, but there is a different tone to them."

 

If it was a really ghastly combination that I hated, I would say, "I don't like those together. They clash. You should change your shirt to the blue sailing shirt you have."

 

With DH and my kids, I am very forthright; much more than I would be if I don't know someone well. If my kid needs a shower, I say, "You need a shower. You stink from running around in the heat." If DH wears his scratched-up old shoes to church, I say, "Those shoes look terrible. That's why I bought you new ones."

[MaeFlowers]

I've come across this. If it's a kid (or very rarely an adult) and they are truly trying to be polite, it doesn't bother me. I address it nicely if I can tell they really do want to have something or do something. Sometimes they are timid or afraid and I feel like they need a boost to speak up for themselves.

 

Most adults, I don't play. I feel like if I acknowledge it or try to encourage them, I'm only enforcing the behavior. They are old enough to know better.

[goldberry]

I despise that trait in women.  I avoid it for myself and have actively worked to teach my daughter to say what she means and asks for what she needs. 

 

I'm not talking about white lies out of politeness, but I know too many women who say they don't mind something when they do, or are angry with a partner for not giving them what they need when they never articulate it or are honest about it.  

 

I am an advocate for forthrightness in both friendships and relationships.

[Guest]

I think that generally most, but not all, women have a deeper understanding of subtext than most men. I think that generally women use that subtext to communicate more than men. I think that there are manipulators in both genders, but frequently, women are better at it then men. Men who want control are more likely to use anger or brute force than women are.

 

I think that one or two extreme incidents are enough to make men bewildered and assume women always mean something different than they say. There are also times when men think women don't say what they want, but really they are communicating it, it's just that men don't understand the subtext. IE: the nice guy/vs jerk syndrome.

 

ETA: recently got into a facebook conversation about this. If a woman, to end a fight, says, "Do whatever you want!" she really does mean, "Do whatever you want, but my respect for you is going to go WAY DOWN if you do the dishonorable and inconsiderate thing you have been hinting at doing, and you might never get my respect back if you don't understand that."

Some moronic men think, "Okay, great, I'll skip my own kid's birthday party to hang out at a strip club with the guys from work, because she said I can do whatever I want." Then get angry at the wife because she said to. But she didn't say to. The subtext was clearly Do whatever you want because I can't control you, but there are consequences to decisions like that. It's not her fault he's decided that the person he wants to be is a self-centered, inconsiderate moron, so she starts treating him like one.

But see I think this is stupid. I seriously don't know why anyone does this. In that scenario, I would never say, "Do whatever you want!" Even if the obvious subtext is that I don't approve. I would say something like, "If you would seriously miss your kid's birthday party so you can hang out with the boys and watch a woman take off her clothes, then you are NOT the man I thought you were. That is completely despicable." Seriously. If DH plans to do that, he freakin better lie and come up with a plausible story about doing a job out of town that can only be done in the evening.

 

(Although I am his secretary, so I would probably find out it was a lie! ;) )

[Guest]

I dunno. This seems like something little kids do. Instead of asking if I would roll the window up in the car my younger kid might say "brrr I'm cold".

 

My husband and I do kind of have a vague back and forth sometimes. What do you want to do? I don't know...how about you? You want to do that? I don't know, do you? I don't know, do you? We are indecisive. LOL But it's not that we aren't saying what we mean. We really both mean it when we say we don't know!

 

 

Really? DH is the person I am least likely to do this with. Here's an example:

 

DH, flopping on the bed: "I would sleep better if I had some TeA."

Me: "Well then you can have some by yourself, because I'm reading The Girl on The Train."

 

:D

[redsquirrel]

and spatially.  the way I give directions.  when my sil gives me directions - I want to run screaming from the room.  just give me the address please.  not, turn on the street with the pasture on the left and go until you get to the overhead power lines. . . . . . (and she's married to an engineer!!!!! and she gives directions like that. thunk.)

 

My oldest son has the worst sense of direction of any human being I have ever met.  I'm about average and DH and DS2 are very good. The part of this that makes no sense is that ds1 is an accomplished ballet dancer. He has an amazing sense of his own body in space and where he needs to be in a performance.  Just don't ask him to walk home by himself the 6 blocks from the show.

[goldberry]

I dunno.  This seems like something little kids do.  Instead of asking if I would roll the window up in the car my younger kid might say "brrr I'm cold".

 

 

 

 

 

When DD was younger and would say, "I'm thirsty."  I would say, "Are you making an announcement or asking for something?" ;)

[SparklyUnicorn]

Really? DH is the person I am least likely to do this with. Here's an example:

 

DH, flopping on the bed: "I would sleep better if I had some TeA."

Me: "Well then you can have some by yourself, because I'm reading The Girl on The Train."

 

:D

 

LMAO

[redsquirrel]

When DD was younger and would say, "I'm thirsty."  I would say, "Are you making an announcement or asking for something?" ;)

 

My kids went through a phase of talking like that at age 4-5, or so. I would respond 'Hmm, what do you think you can do about that?". 

 

I was once with my SIL and she said something and I found that same statement reflexively coming out of my mouth, lol.  But her and her husband interact with the world like that. It's so annoying!

[SparklyUnicorn]

When DD was younger and would say, "I'm thirsty."  I would say, "Are you making an announcement or asking for something?" ;)

 

LOL

 

My younger kid is constantly asking what I'm doing.  Even if it is very obvious.  If I'm washing dishes he'll ask me what I'm doing.   So I say something like, "I'm knitting, how about you?" 

[Guest]

LOL

 

My younger kid is constantly asking what I'm doing. Even if it is very obvious. If I'm washing dishes he'll ask me what I'm doing. So I say something like, "I'm knitting, how about you?"

Every one of the males in the household ask this question and I always give a preposterous reply. "Playing football," is my favorite.