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Kathryn

Talk me through boy puberty

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I think it's here. He's been odoriferous for a while now, but now the emotions! OMG! Yesterday, full on crying jag because he doesn't enjoy doing the things he once did. He wants to be big so much but he keeps doing really doofus things that make me wonder if his brain fell out. Any pointers?

 

Edited because toddler posted when I wasn't nearly done. I had much more to say but she won't leave me alone!

Edited by Kathryn
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Hahahaha!

 

Hide in the closet for the next few years?

 

His brain is changing, sloughing off old connections and building new ones (in much the same way as the toddler), while he's riding the hormone roller coaster. Sometimes they are SO mature, and sometimes....

 

Trust your gut. Hang on. Enjoy the ride. Remember to look for the person under the hormones and teenage smell and giant feet. Teens are actually pretty awesome.

 

if it helps, once as we were pulling into the grocery, my eldest burst into tears, started laughing because he didn't know why he was crying, then still crying because it was confusing. Laughing about crying and crying about laughing at the same time. Poor kid. He decided to sit in the car and collect himself while I shopped and was right as rain by the time I came back. Said he had no idea what came over him.

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Laugh with him, cry with him, give him lots (LOTS) of food and exercise, make sure he's getting plenty of sleep and processing time, encourage and support hobbies and interests, make sure he has hard physical outlets and real responsibilities, and don't take any of it too personally.

 

13 is my absolute most favorite age so far. Enjoy it all. :)

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The emotional rollercoaster is horrible. My son was way worse than my daughter. Seriously, the teen years are just like having a toddler again only they are taller than you.

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His brain did fall out. He won't find it again for several years. Just stay calm and make sure he knows that he can talk to you about anything. Make sure he gets plenty of exercise-it makes a huge difference for my son in balancing his moods. Choose your battles. The smell will get better and he will turn into a really cool person that you enjoy being with.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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The smell will get better and he will turn into a really cool person that you enjoy being with.

 

 

 

 

:lol:

 

I was going to say something about this in particular....so far that's been "the" biggest thing. 

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Thanks. I have a feeling this would be much easier if DH wasn't so authoritarian with him. He's never understood DS and they've constantly butted heads, but I find myself increasingly running interference and soothing DS's bruised ego.

He went to a Hogwarts Camp last week and when I was picking him up the last day, several of the teens stopped to tell me what a cool kid he is. I keep going back to that now when I want to rip my hair out over the newest brain-lapse (yesterday, he tried to make lemonade while I was putting his sister down for a nap. Then, he spilled a glass on the floor and wiped it up with paper towels and then decided to clean the rest of the floor. With those paper towels. You know, the ones he just mopped up the sugary lemonade with? The whole floor was SO sticky. It took three moppings to get it unsticky).

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At least he tried to clean up the lemonade. My boys would have just shrugged their shoulders and walked away.

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I feel you.

 

The emotional roller coaster is crazy making.

 

So, this sounds counter-intuitive, but look for places to give him more responsibility - a community service project, a job around the house, etc. I need to remind myself of this all the time, but I think tweens and teens really, really need it. And it's tricky because it has to be something they can fail at (because they are smelly, forgetful weirdos right now) but also that feels responsible and important to them to help bolster them and give them something to live up to. Argh.

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I didn't realize that the crying, emotional stuff went along with boy puberty.... it threw me for a loop.  He didn't understand it either, he had never been a cryer and all of a sudden at 11 he was balling at least once or twice a week. Then the vomiting started.  Up to a couple times a week he'd wake up in the morning and throw up.  This, luckily, only went on for about 6-12 months but man it was crazy. The best thing about it was that it was short (less than a year) and helped prepare me for the even worse puberty trip with his sister.

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I think it's here. He's been odoriferous for a while now, but now the emotions! OMG! Yesterday, full on crying jag because he doesn't enjoy doing the things he once did. He wants to be big so much but he keeps doing really doofus things that make me wonder if his brain fell out. Any pointers?

 

Edited because toddler posted when I wasn't nearly done. I had much more to say but she won't leave me alone!

No advice but I laughed really hard at this.

 

Kinsa has had a bunch of boys, she may have some tips.

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The only reason I knew about the crying was glancing at threads here. If I hadn't, I would have been seriously confused about what was going on. I haven't paid a lot of attention though because I hoped we had longer.

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At 10 it might not be actual puberty though. There's plenty of other crazy making stuff going on around that age that isn't exactly puberty (even if the smell has started). DS started using deodorant at 10 but puberty didn't start for a couple more years.

 

The Body Book for Boys is a good read at that age. :)

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 The smell will get better and he will turn into a really cool person that you enjoy being with.

 

 

Still waiting for this in my house. Thirteen was seven years ago ... it's been a loooong ride.

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Thanks. I have a feeling this would be much easier if DH wasn't so authoritarian with him. He's never understood DS and they've constantly butted heads, but I find myself increasingly running interference and soothing DS's bruised ego.

He went to a Hogwarts Camp last week and when I was picking him up the last day, several of the teens stopped to tell me what a cool kid he is. I keep going back to that now when I want to rip my hair out over the newest brain-lapse (yesterday, he tried to make lemonade while I was putting his sister down for a nap. Then, he spilled a glass on the floor and wiped it up with paper towels and then decided to clean the rest of the floor. With those paper towels. You know, the ones he just mopped up the sugary lemonade with? The whole floor was SO sticky. It took three moppings to get it unsticky).

 

Oh wait. He is 10?  It's not likely puberty.  Not saying impossible. 

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I didn't realize that the crying, emotional stuff went along with boy puberty.... it threw me for a loop.  He didn't understand it either, he had never been a cryer and all of a sudden at 11 he was balling at least once or twice a week. Then the vomiting started.  Up to a couple times a week he'd wake up in the morning and throw up.  This, luckily, only went on for about 6-12 months but man it was crazy. The best thing about it was that it was short (less than a year) and helped prepare me for the even worse puberty trip with his sister.

 

Whoa. What was the vomiting about? I ask in part because ds, who was never much of a vomiter, has had three very unexpected vomiting episodes in the last several months. And other ds suddenly gets carsick and vomits sometimes, which is totally new. I was like, what, you're almost 12, why must carsickness be a thing now?

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OK, I have a DS10, and dear heavens. Today he locked himself in the guest room and "was just angry" for three hours. Awesome. If it's not puberty, what the heck is it, and how do I get off this rollercoaster???

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whoa!

Yeah, he was extremely embarrassed. He was much older than everyone in his class anyway (birthday two days after cutoff and held back first grade also), so he stood out like a sore thumb.

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He's almost 11, which is when DH shot up to 6 feet over a summer.

 

Sounds about right to me.  Everything started with DS around 10 1/2.  It was like, one day he was still my little guy, and the next thing I knew he started eating me out of house and home and smelling up the joint.  And sleeping!  He's always grown in big spurts- where clothes fit one day, and a week later they definitely don't, but these last 18 months have been unheard of.  Three shoe sizes in one months time, going from tall boy to small men to medium size mens clothes in just a few weeks...  I think he's around six feet tall now.  DH is 6'4", so maybe he's going to slow down soon? 

 

This is a tough time for boys, I think.  Part of them really wants to stay child-like, but part of them is excited about growing and changes that come with it.  So far we've just been trying really hard to encourage anything and everything.  If he wants to play with toys, great! If he wants to have an electronic day, that's fine too.  He hangs out with friends and still has dance, so he's active enough.  He's now my go-to grunt, I call on him to help me with heavy things, and he is responsible for trapping and disposing of mice outside.  

 

All through this, we still have our mom and son moments, he still loves to give me a snuggle, and while I'm still not ready to be seeing the body hair growing in places it didn't just a few months ago, he's getting even more fun and interesting to hang around with.  We're having great discussions, and he makes me laugh almost every day.  When the emotions start to flare up, we all sense it, and he generally heads off to his room for some down time with an electronic device or with this keyboard and some music queued up.  Learning to shut my mouth and go about my business has been very good for our relationship.  :)

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Sounds about right to me. Everything started with DS around 10 1/2. It was like, one day he was still my little guy, and the next thing I knew he started eating me out of house and home and smelling up the joint. And sleeping! He's always grown in big spurts- where clothes fit one day, and a week later they definitely don't, but these last 18 months have been unheard of. Three shoe sizes in one months time, going from tall boy to small men to medium size mens clothes in just a few weeks... I think he's around six feet tall now. DH is 6'4", so maybe he's going to slow down soon?

 

This is a tough time for boys, I think. Part of them really wants to stay child-like, but part of them is excited about growing and changes that come with it. So far we've just been trying really hard to encourage anything and everything. If he wants to play with toys, great! If he wants to have an electronic day, that's fine too. He hangs out with friends and still has dance, so he's active enough. He's now my go-to grunt, I call on him to help me with heavy things, and he is responsible for trapping and disposing of mice outside.

 

All through this, we still have our mom and son moments, he still loves to give me a snuggle, and while I'm still not ready to be seeing the body hair growing in places it didn't just a few months ago, he's getting even more fun and interesting to hang around with. We're having great discussions, and he makes me laugh almost every day. When the emotions start to flare up, we all sense it, and he generally heads off to his room for some down time with an electronic device or with this keyboard and some music queued up. Learning to shut my mouth and go about my business has been very good for our relationship. :)

. I hope to remember this in a few years.

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This morning he woke with a zit on his chin. I resolved not to say anything because I didn't want to make him self-conscious (as my mother did to me). But, he came to me a little bit ago to show me the strange bug bite on his face that doesn't itch but hurts. I couldn't help but laugh. So, now I need advice on facial cleanser. What do kids do these days?

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My girl got emotional. My boy got spacey. I didn't see that coming. We needed acne wash. Luckily his sister had that routine mastered. We had to get the yellow stuff with the asomething acid. Also, sex jokes are suddenly hysterical :-/

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Like the other said...hang in there it will pass.  :thumbup:

 

And please if they tell you they think something stinks (underarms, shoes, cap, shirt etc.)  DO NOT under any circumstance smell it  :ack2:  :eek:  :ack2:  Just tell them to wash it, put on deodorant or put some spray in it (fabreeze extra fabric is good for the shoes).  Trust me!! I learned the hard way with ds1.  After my 1st mess up I did NOT sniff anything else.  Ds2 came along and he told me he thought his underarms were stinky.  I just went and got an deodorant and said "this is yours. Use it daily"   :ack2:  

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My DS11 has growing pains again in his legs. The last time that happen was when he was 5. He has a zit on his nose but it doesn't bother him.

 

My hubby had less zits using plain water than facial cleanser as a teen. I had like one zit per month. Hopefully both our kids don't have problems with zits.

 

My cousin with teenage zit problem used cut lemon for his face and it worked.

Edited by Arcadia

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I will add that my almost 13 year old still needs/wants a fair amount of physical affection but I think he sometimes feels awkward about it. He's always been fairly physically affectionate with me and sometimes he is still fine with that. Sometimes he's fine giving hugs and snuggling on the couch when doing school. Sometimes it's like he suddenly realizes how big and old he is and wants nothing to do with me. I try to be there when he needs me and not be hurt if he pushes me away. And I try to give more physical touch that is less awkward for him: scratching his back or giving him a back rub or kind of giving him a squeeze/hug when I walk by. 

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My 11 1/2 year old is doing the smelly thing, the sleeping 11+ hours a night, and the crying bit.  He'll cry over the least little thing.  This time around I know it's just hormones.  I didn't get it when his 15 year old brother started crying for no good reason at that age.  If he's anything like his brother and father, he should be my height by next year to only pass me up quickly.  My 15 year old is 6'2" and solidly built.  He looks like he's in his late teens.  He is very affectionate also.  We're enjoying 15.  I have no sadness over losing my little boys because my big boys are decent people I like to be around.

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Age 11 has been our hardest year, for both my DS and DD.    DS turned 14 at the beginning of the summer and we seem to be in another funky transition, but 11 was worse.  

 

For DS, one or all of the following seem to help:

 

Exercise (LOTS)

Food (more than anyone else in the house....and twice as often)

Sleep (more than he thinks he needs)

Doing something outside the house with other boys/men, away from Mom and his sister

 

My DS tends to get angry rather than cry, but when I recognize what's going on, more often than not he hasn't gotten a decent amount of exercise in the past few days.   (By "decent" I mean at least 30 minutes of running per day, or an hour of playing outside.)   He started running when he was 11 as a way to clear his head during school - when he'd get angry, my response became, "Go run 10 laps around the house, then get a drink and a snack, then come back to your math,"  and 99% of the time he came back a totally different kid.   Running laps around the house soon became running to the front of the neighborhood & back, which became running 2 miles, which became running 3 miles, which has now progressed to running on our local high school cross country team.   Running has been a lifesaver for him.

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