Zinnia Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) We like to camp as a family. The amount of camping we've done has varied over the years, as our budgets and time off and newborns and what-have-you have impacted our camping. But at the end of the day, we always have a great time in the woods, and we enjoy it a lot. We're going camping for a week off the Blue Ridge Parkway for vacation this year in July. I'm excited and looking forward to it. Lately, though? We've been getting a lot of comments from both family and friends that we "don't look like campers," and "it's hard to believe that we like hiking." Wha??? This is so incredibly rude, but it's said from people that we generally have decent relationships with and that don't usually walk around saying rude things. I'm not sure why this seems to be an acceptable thing to say. We *are* fat, but we are also in decent shape. We regularly hike as a family, and our kids enjoy it, too. This isn't the first time that this has happened....the idea that it's okay to make rude comments about someone's size or fatness, but it's just been from every place we turn lately, likely because we've been talking about our vacation plans. I need a snappy comeback to these people to make them hush. By nature, I'm not a very blunt person, but I am very tired of this, so a little blunt would be okay. Edited June 28, 2016 by Zinnia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) I wouldn't immediately assume the weight is the reason the comments are made. I've said the exact same type of thing to people who seem more urbanly-minded, or who dress a certain non-outdoorsy way, or people who enjoy their lattes and other creature comforts, etc. Eta: There's nothing wrong with those things, if that's your nature. But I am sometimes surprised to learn certain people enjoy camping/hiking. More power to them, I say! Edited June 28, 2016 by Kinsa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 I wouldn't bother with a "snappy comeback". Instead, I'd stick with something good for every occasion, like "I don't understand what you mean" or "What do you think hikers look like?" and then, once they stick their foot firmly in their mouth "I don't understand what you're saying. Are you saying we're $ADJECTIVE?" In a pinch, a silent pause and then resuming the conversation without acknowledging the rudeness also works well. 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) I don't know about a snappy comeback but I would probably open my eyes wide and ask what they mean, or what they think would make us look more like hikers. Put the ball back in their court, and they'll either clarify, or stammer and not say it again. ETA: Tanaqui and I were typing at the same time. Great minds and all that. ;) Edited June 28, 2016 by idnib 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) I wouldn't assume it was because of size. I'd assume it was more about perhaps your interests or lifestyle and they struggle to reconcile some other aspect of your life with a love of camping/hiking. And sometimes, the comments have to do with the interests of the commenting party. You know, those people who don't like x and can't imagine why *anyone* would enjoy x. The kind of people with no imagination and the idea that everyone should be carbon copies of one another. And it may also be about your life phase. I couldn't imagine enjoying camping with a toddler in tow or a baby. That'd drive me nuts. (I hate camping period, but I think a tiny person would makie it more complicated) So that may be the way they're meaning it. Just ask them "You know I've heard that before. I keep wondering what it means. Can you enlighten me?" Edited June 28, 2016 by fairfarmhand 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momof4inco Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 I wouldn't immediately assume the weight is the reason the comments are made. I've said the exact same type of thing to people who seem more urbanly-minded, or who dress a certain non-outdoorsy way, or people who enjoy their lattes and other creature comforts, etc. Eta: There's nothing wrong with those things, if that's your nature. But I am sometimes surprised to learn certain people enjoy camping/hiking. More power to them, I say! :iagree: When I first started reading your post, I was thinking maybe you don't appear to be the outdoorsy type of person. Maybe they weren't implying anything about your weight, they just don't see you camping for an entire week with your kids. I don't see me being able to do that, so it might surprise me that other people can do it. I need regular warm showers, more power to those that can do without! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) "Just by looking at you, I wouldn't have guessed you'd be much of an ass, either, but hey... surprise, surprise." Or, the good old standby of "Well, bless your heart, darlin'!" ETA: Unlike other posters, I'm not going to assume good intentions on behalf of the commenters. If you felt offended enough to post about this, then they most likely said it in an offending way. And, they were indicating your whole family. I'll let shit slide off if it's just about me, but don't bring my family into it or I will definitely have something to say about it. Fire with fire and all that. YMMV and standard disclaimers apply. Edited June 28, 2016 by Audrey 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 I wouldn't bother with a "snappy comeback". Instead, I'd stick with something good for every occasion, like "I don't understand what you mean" or "What do you think hikers look like?" and then, once they stick their foot firmly in their mouth "I don't understand what you're saying. Are you saying we're $ADJECTIVE?" In a pinch, a silent pause and then resuming the conversation without acknowledging the rudeness also works well. Yep. Snappy comebacks usually don't do much to increase understanding or to help people see that they are being rude. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 "Just by looking at you, I wouldn't have guessed you'd be much of an ass, either, but hey... surprise, surprise." :laugh: I admit--my first response was similar. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 I'm not sure I'd take those comments as an attack related to your weight. But, you know these folks better and maybe you can tell that's the intention. Regardless of, I wouldn't respond with a snappy or rude comment...more often than not things go better when dealt with kindness. I'd probably just say something like "yeah, hiking and camping is not for everyone, but we love it. We only wish we could do it more often." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 I'd probably just say something like "yeah, hiking and camping is not for everyone, but we love it. We only wish we could do it more often." Well, yeah, I guess, if you wanna be classy and gracious and all. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 I'm with Audrey, I wouldn't excuse that, especially if they camp on a regular basis, wouldn't most people know already? I could only see it if your family was totally frou-frou and really attached to conveniences. I could see saying it to someone like that. I vote for the "Oh, what do you think campers look like?" response. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Yes, I assumed the comments stemmed from you being fashionable or wearing makeup/having a cute haircut or something... like maybe the speaker thinks that camping folks are more granola. But regardless, I'd go with the "what do you mean?" response. Call them on their nonsense, if that's what it is. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) Before feeling offended, ask them what they mean. As an avid outdoors person, I know people who I would not peg as serious hikers/campers based on a variety of factors, none of them having anything to do with weight (and, in fact, those people usually aren't into hiking; surprises are few) Edited June 28, 2016 by regentrude 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Add me to those who'd ask for an explanation. I don't find snappy comments to be useful for anything except building walls and hurt TBH. Well, they're useful for comedy too, but not "on the spot." I'm not fond of building walls. I prefer educating folks differently. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 I'm fat, but when people have said the same thing to me, I assume it's because I look like I belong in a bookstore or office. Or because I'm a single mom. Or because they know I border on OCD in regards to cleanliness. And so on. :huh: I dunno, maybe they do mean it's because I'm fat. Oh well. Just ask them what they mean before you go off on them. If they stumble around because it's obvious they were thinking that, then by all means, use that ass remark from the PP :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 "That's because I'm not wearing my hiker costume." 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 We like to camp as a family. The amount of camping we've done has varied over the years, as our budgets and time off and newborns and what-have-you have impacted our camping. But at the end of the day, we always have a great time in the woods, and we enjoy it a lot. We're going camping for a week off the Blue Ridge Parkway for vacation this year in July. I'm excited and looking forward to it. Lately, though? We've been getting a lot of comments from both family and friends that we "don't look like campers," and "it's hard to believe that we like hiking." Wha??? This is so incredibly rude, but it's said from people that we generally have decent relationships with and that don't usually walk around saying rude things. I'm not sure why this seems to be an acceptable thing to say. We *are* fat, but we are also in decent shape. We regularly hike as a family, and our kids enjoy it, too. This isn't the first time that this has happened....the idea that it's okay to make rude comments about someone's size or fatness, but it's just been from every place we turn lately, likely because we've been talking about our vacation plans. I need a snappy comeback to these people to make them hush. By nature, I'm not a very blunt person, but I am very tired of this, so a little blunt would be okay. oh, I'm so glad our disguise is working . . . . they're probably just clueless about how rude the comments are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplejackmama Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 "Just by looking at you, I wouldn't have guessed you'd be much of an ass, either, but hey... surprise, surprise." Or, the good old standby of "Well, bless your heart, darlin'!" ETA: Unlike other posters, I'm not going to assume good intentions on behalf of the commenters. If you felt offended enough to post about this, then they most likely said it in an offending way. And, they were indicating your whole family. I'll let shit slide off if it's just about me, but don't bring my family into it or I will definitely have something to say about it. Fire with fire and all that. YMMV and standard disclaimers apply. Congratulations, Audrey wins the internet! These are perfect! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 the idea that it's okay to make rude comments about someone's size or fatness, Are you sure that's what they were implying? It really didn't cross my mind until I got to this paragraph. When I hear "don't look like campers" I assume high heels and silk shirts and make up and hair dryers. I'd probably build a snappy comeback around that, actually. (We did actually go camping with a friend who complained about the bathroom facilities. I thought they were basic but fine. No, she said, there wasn't a mirror! I'll admit I prefer not to look at myself when camping. I get home, step straight into the shower, and resume life from there!) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sun Posted June 28, 2016 Share Posted June 28, 2016 Are you sure that's what they were implying? It really didn't cross my mind until I got to this paragraph. When I hear "don't look like campers" I assume high heels and silk shirts and make up and hair dryers. I'd probably build a snappy comeback around that, actually. (We did actually go camping with a friend who complained about the bathroom facilities. I thought they were basic but fine. No, she said, there wasn't a mirror! I'll admit I prefer not to look at myself when camping. I get home, step straight into the shower, and resume life from there!) Yeah, I'm barely above "underweight," and people have made those comments to me when I've mentioned camping or hiking. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zinnia Posted June 29, 2016 Author Share Posted June 29, 2016 Okay, I feel like I've been talked down from saying something ugly. Which is not my style. But it was just like the 17th comment in the last 2 weeks....messes with your head. :) The funny thing? I think I totally look like a camper. We are ridiculously frugal, I love my Chacos, and I am not fixy or frou-frou at all. No big hair for me. :) But I guess that there is something about me that makes me look like I need creature comforts. LOL. I think I'll call out the folks directly next time. Though I will be chuckling in my head at thinking that I didn't realize that they looked like a$$es. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 I've gotten comments from relatives (on dh's side of the family) who still tell me -- after 30 years -- that they can't believe I ran the 400 meter hurdles through my university years, and that we honeymooned in the Boundary Waters (canoeing/camping). Honestly, I never have any comeback at all. I probably just say, "hmmm" and have a dumb smile on my face. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 "You don't look like a camper..." rude comment. "I'm growing dope in the woods." Your comeback. "Do I look like a pothead?" "You don't look like a camper..." Rude comment. "Not even a happy camper?" puzzled comeback. "You don't look like a camper..." rude comment. "You don't look the way I first thought you were either..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickerplum Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 "Why do you think that?" It will either allow them to expand on their comments (ie they don't like those activities themselves) or they'll realize their comments are unwanted and they'll stop. Have fun on your vacation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted June 29, 2016 Share Posted June 29, 2016 If they are people who aren't normally rude, I doubt all of them would be making a commoent on your weight, which people know is rude if they are at all clued in. I suppose it might be something they can't really put their finger on though, which might include a bunch of things that make you seem non-hikerish to them, and that might include weight. But I know a number of serious hikers and campers who are on the heavy side, I suspect it isn't that uncommon. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasons Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 "What makes you say that?" I have fluctuated in weight my whole life. There have been several times on my way "up" that I was asked if I was pregnant. My reply was always "why do you ask?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 "You don't look like a camper..." rude comment. I still do not understand why "You don't look like a camper" in itself is considered rude. :confused1: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 I still do not understand why "You don't look like a camper" in itself is considered rude. :confused1: This comment made me think of someone. Very feminine young woman, always immaculately made up, nails done perfectly, hair in an elaborate do all the time, always dressed up, as in skirts or nice slacks, high heels, perfectly accessorized - at least, when I saw her, which was frequently and in different but related settings. She asked if she and some friends could borrow our tent. I didn't say it, but I might have said "you don't look like a camper." It would have been a good-natured, "I'm surprised" sort of comment. But I just said "sure." It doesn't sound like that's what's going on in the OP, but on it's own, I don't think the statement is rude - as always, depending on the context. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 I still do not understand why "You don't look like a camper" in itself is considered rude. :confused1: I don't think it is, particularly, but I know some people consider it rude in general to comment on someone's personal appearance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 "We like to go into the wilderness because it's a good place to wait for the rapture!" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 I've been asking questions in response to things like this and it has worked quite well. "Really? What does a camping family look like exactly and what are we lacking, maybe I need to go shopping so we look the part?" I've especially used this lately with what I feel like is flattery with nothing to back it. In a group the leader said "I feel like you are an amazing person with so much to offer" and I seriously responded "Really? Like what do you feel I have to offer?" I didn't say it snarky at all. This person doesn't know me in the least and they have no idea that I have anything to offer. DH is invested here and they want me invested as well and I haven't been engaged or invested. That's all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zinnia Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 (edited) Commenting on someone's appearance in anything but a flattering way (you look great! That color is great on you! what a great haircut!) is rude. I wouldn't do it. Just, no. edited to add: I think I am also a little unnecessarily sensitive about this..the way I look/the image I give off. I've spent the last year learning to exercise, and I'm in the best shape of my life at this point. And, yet...I haven't lost a single pound, and my appearance has changed very little. Which is frustrating to me, because I want to shout from the rooftops about how I've learned to embrace sweat and my endurance is so great now and how happy this makes me. But I still look the same, so my words come across as a bit untrue. So that leads to a little too much sensitivity. Edited June 30, 2016 by Zinnia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zinnia Posted June 30, 2016 Author Share Posted June 30, 2016 "We like to go into the wilderness because it's a good place to wait for the rapture!" This is my favorite. I can't wait to use it. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 I guess it would be worse if someone said "wow, you sure look like a camper!" or "did you just come from camping?" :o 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 30, 2016 Share Posted June 30, 2016 I guess it would be worse if someone said "wow, you sure look like a camper!" or "did you just come from camping?" :o Or worse yet, "Phew! You SMELL like you've been camping!" <---said on numerous occasions by an unnamed mother to her unnamed teenage boys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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