maize Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Can anyone recommend a book to help my husband understand the family members (me and some of the kids) with ADHD? He still struggles to believe that it is real. 1 Quote
Guest Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Smart but scattered and Is it you, me or add got the spouse here on the proper wavelength :-) ((())) Quote
kbutton Posted June 27, 2016 Posted June 27, 2016 Stuff by Russell Barkley is supposed to good as well. He also has a fact sheet: http://www.russellbarkley.org/factsheets/adhd-facts.pdf and lectures: http://adhdlectures.com/lectures.php. (I haven't viewed the lectures.) Anything in particular he seems to have a block about? He thinks it's...__________ instead? Quote
Elizabeth 2 Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Raising Boys with ADHD is a family favorite. Definitely genetic in our families. CHADD is a great resource for the research and support. What specifically are you wanting him to understand? Family organization? Discipline techniques? Treatment options? Differences in growth and thinking from NT children? Depending on what you want him to understand would make a difference in what books I would recommend. Quote
nature girl Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 I also recommend Barkley's lecture series, those talks taught me so very much. Hallowell has good books, but they may be a little too Rah-rah-rah for his taste. Quote
PeterPan Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) Well you could clear the air with ADHD Does Not Exist :lol: The dude goes into all the OTHER things and then finally gives up and admits ADHD is going on. ADHD actually is a really funky diagnosis. They use it as a diagnosis of exclusion (not all these other things, so SLAP), and it overlaps with a bunch of other things. There really are reasonable people who attempt to make an argument that the whole thing is horse feathers. And since no one has completed enough genetics studies and MRIs to explain WHY there's this alphabet soup of overlapping labels (ADHD, ASD, blah blah), I personally don't feel a need to argue it exists. If he's struggling to see symptoms, then it's him. Lots of men are in the dark like that. They don't make demands and therefore think the problem is Mom, that other people wouldn't have that problem with the dc. Homeschooling makes it even worse, because Mom because Bad Cop, Dad is Good Cop. It sucks! So the things that changed that for us? Well with dc#1 it was having the psychologist sit him down and get a really screwed up face with everything dh said. Like dh would say YEAH BUT and the psych would just sit there looking at him funny... Eventually dh figured out that didn't wash. Then with dc#2, the power of the psych was limited. What did it there was bringing in SO much outside help that dh finally had to admit that behaviors were NOT because of me, that they were occurring with all kinds of people, in all kinds of situations. So me, I'd skip the whole does a label exist thing. The only thing that matters is are the symptoms occurring, under what situations are they occurring, and what is the remedy. Doesn't matter if he calls it "needs more consequences" or whatever he wants. What doesn't work is to deny that the behaviors are happening or place the blame inappropriately. And then if you go yup, I agree with you, and need more consequences is going to be consequences from a BEHAVIORIST because right now the evidence is that a BEHAVIORAL intervention is first line, best practice for ADHD, so thank you and cough up the money. You can agree on a game plan, even if you don't agree on what you're calling it. Edited June 28, 2016 by OhElizabeth 1 Quote
Guest Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 It definitely matters if you have a difference and CAN NOT regularly do nt things but your spouse thinks you are just being lazy/obstinate/whatever label with moral implications. Quote
Elizabeth 2 Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 Well you could clear the air with ADHD Does Not Exist :lol: The dude goes into all the OTHER things and then finally gives up and admits ADHD is going on. ADHD actually is a really funky diagnosis. They use it as a diagnosis of exclusion (not all these other things, so SLAP), and it overlaps with a bunch of other things. There really are reasonable people who attempt to make an argument that the whole thing is horse feathers. And since no one has completed enough genetics studies and MRIs to explain WHY there's this alphabet soup of overlapping labels (ADHD, ASD, blah blah), I personally don't feel a need to argue it exists. If he's struggling to see symptoms, then it's him. Lots of men are in the dark like that. They don't make demands and therefore think the problem is Mom, that other people wouldn't have that problem with the dc. Homeschooling makes it even worse, because Mom because Bad Cop, Dad is Good Cop. It sucks! So the things that changed that for us? Well with dc#1 it was having the psychologist sit him down and get a really screwed up face with everything dh said. Like dh would say YEAH BUT and the psych would just sit there looking at him funny... Eventually dh figured out that didn't wash. Then with dc#2, the power of the psych was limited. What did it there was bringing in SO much outside help that dh finally had to admit that behaviors were NOT because of me, that they were occurring with all kinds of people, in all kinds of situations. So me, I'd skip the whole does a label exist thing. The only thing that matters is are the symptoms occurring, under what situations are they occurring, and what is the remedy. Doesn't matter if he calls it "needs more consequences" or whatever he wants. What doesn't work is to deny that the behaviors are happening or place the blame inappropriately. And then if you go yup, I agree with you, and need more consequences is going to be consequences from a BEHAVIORIST because right now the evidence is that a BEHAVIORAL intervention is first line, best practice for ADHD, so thank you and cough up the money. You can agree on a game plan, even if you don't agree on what you're calling it. :iagree: Yes. Especially the bold. I had the same issue with my husband and his family. 1 Quote
PeterPan Posted June 28, 2016 Posted June 28, 2016 (edited) For the op, you mentioned yourself. What are you wanting to make happen? So you want an apple watch to help you keep track of appointments? You want him to grocery shop or clean? What do you want to have happen? Because he can call it anything he wants, but you can identify the problems and proposed solutions and still implement them, whether he agrees with the labels or not. Edited June 28, 2016 by OhElizabeth Quote
kbutton Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Can you do a simulation? Maybe having him do certain tasks, but part of the rule is that he is artificially held back in some way from doing it the typical way. Or maybe you put do things that would distract him (if you know of some things that rock his world). It might not convince him of ADHD, but it might help him understand how you and the kids FEEL. It might be a stepping stone toward acceptance. I think one hard thing is that ADHD doesn't look the same for everyone, and it's easy to form incorrect and uniformed perspectives on it because of that. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote
nature girl Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 The Understood website has a great simulation of what it's like...I've also seen one on youtube. I'm not sure how accurate they are, but if that's what life is really like with ADHD? I'm amazed people can cope as well as they do... Quote
nature girl Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 https://www.understood.org/en/tools/through-your-childs-eyes/player?simq=66dc223a-29e3-4956-ae1e-e7b1beff3584&gradeId=15ccdf90-72d8-4529-aae5-ba2c1c49cdab&personalized=true 1 Quote
Targhee Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 Taking Charge of ADHD Superparenting for ADHD Also helpful because it helps you see different ways of interacting with the world, The away They Learn, and Five Love Languages. 1 Quote
kbutton Posted June 29, 2016 Posted June 29, 2016 https://www.understood.org/en/tools/through-your-childs-eyes/player?simq=66dc223a-29e3-4956-ae1e-e7b1beff3584&gradeId=15ccdf90-72d8-4529-aae5-ba2c1c49cdab&personalized=true I got TWO pieces in place and couldn't hear the teacher say where to put anything else. I could hear what I was supposed to move, but not where to move it. I could tell she was talking, but I couldn't make out the words. Something tells me this particular simulation might be a lot like CAPD too! 1 Quote
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