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So for a few days we have one of the twins siblings here for a respite visit. He is 8

 

he isn't malicious or anything- just doesn't have any understanding of how to treat younger children and a lifetime of being bullied. the foster system is awful and it is a crime what some people do to  children. my heart weeps.

 

so far we have one baby chicken sitting in intensive care in ds12's room in a small box on a hot water bottle ( twin 1 attacking yet another animal. my back was turned only while I picked up some kindling I don't know how he moved so fast and got into their pen)

 

so I watched very very closely, like standing right by them supervising and:

 

twin 2 with a big bruise on his cheek ( wrestling with sibling)

 

twin 2 with big bruise on lower spine ( being pulled violently in wagon by sibling)

 

twin 2 with a spilt lip ( wrestling with sibling)

 

Feels like I am either physically removing children from wrestling or saying we don't behave like that continually ( sibling and twins are completely ignoring all voice instructions ). atm I have both twins in their room for a forced rest time -  with me sitting outside their bedroom door supervising sibling. It is only half way thought the first day......I feel completely spent. DH and I have started taking turns and giving each other a spell as it is so hard to stay so vigilant every single second.

 

 

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It can be so hard. We just took in 8 year old brother of our 12 year old foster boy Thursday night . Within 26 hours younger was attacking the older with a lawn chair and threatening to shoot and kill him. The trauma of these kids can be overwhelming.

 

In our case 8 year old is youngest here and not very strong and can do well for days at a time. It is still wearing though.

 

Keeping siblings together is great but there are times you need to say NO for the best interest of all involved....including you and dh.

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Holy cow! The word "respite" in the title completely mislead me about where this thread was going. That sounds crazy hard, even for two adults. ((Hugs))

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So - you have the boy to give respite to whoever has him most of the time?  You are good people!

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Yikes. Maybe be VERY specific.....as in, hands/feet/objects to yourself, do not touch each other. Instead of don't act like that. He may not know what TO do, without specific instruction. 

 

I'm praying for you!

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Wow, that sounds tough. I can picture how kids get to be like this, unfortunately. I'm just sorry for you, sorry for them. Thank you for making the world a better place by caring for these kids. The rest of us really do appreciate it!

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Sibling8 has not got a permanent home and DHS is hoping we will put our hand up. So hard.

 

 

This is the first time in 4 years that he has spent more than a few minutes with his twin brothers.

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It's hard but be sure you think that through. They don't know each other and you only have so many hours in a day and so many eyes to keep on top of everyone .  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

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I think you are doing a great job.  JUst really consider whether it would be the right thing to add the 8 year old to your house on a permanent basis both for the rest of your family and the two youngest in particular.  ZThey will be the brunt of his displeasure.

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Melissa, I would caution you about taking him. While the natural instinct is that it is better to NOT separate sibs, that is actually, psychologically, not always the best. Some sibs cannot handle the emotional dynamic of being together. They fall back into bad patterns. Some do best if they are separated and then has better habits take effect and emotional healing takes place, they can visit and do better with one another.

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Sounds like a really intense visit.  Good luck!  I would have a really hard time with the decision to accept or not accept him as a foster child.  I think you guys need some respite before you start thinking about that!  :)

 

It's pretty normal for brothers to play a little rough, so as long as nobody loses any body parts, it's all good.  Because it's finite.  :)

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Of course I don't know the details of your situation, but I am experienced with adopting kids out of foster care at an older age as a result afflicted with reactive attachment disorder (amongst other things).  Be very cautious about making any commitments.  The road is not easy and to be honest, it never will be.  They come with baggage they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.  Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk.

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I, also urge caution about adopting him. I have a loved one whose son died  because he and a sibling were fighting. She regrets not taking their sibling wrestling seriously to this day. Not every fight ends with a time out. Some end much, much worse.

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So sibling has left now.

we drove him 200 km and met his case manager who took him the rest of the way back to Melbourne.

just before we got to the meeting place sibling  started singing that orphan song from Annie to the twins

 

 

It's a hard-knock life for us!
It's a hard-knock life for us!
'Stead of treated,
We get tricked!
'Stead of kisses,
We get kicked!
It's a hard-knock life!
Got no folks to speak of, so,
It's the hard-knock row we how

 

:crying: :crying:  :crying:  :crying:  

 

Soon as he saw case manager he ran off  unfortunately twin 2 took off with him and they ran right up a flight of stairs and along a highway and hid in some bushes. :scared:  :scared:

 

in reality he is a lovely boy,  he just sets off the twins, especially twin 1 and doesn't listen /stop when told. Why  oh why cannot more people put up their hand to take foster children permanently and give them a stable life instead of them tossed around  from placement to placement and getting more and more damaged.

 

 

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