Moxie Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 I'm pulling my hair out here. The swimsuit he wore to swimming last week is suddenly "too small". The one I bought him for this summer is "too big". He is in his underwear refusing to get ready for swimming. He has called me every name he knows and is yelling at the whole family. This is the shit they don't tell you when you decide to start a family!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 BTDT. Huge hugs. I won't even say what my son's been screaming this week. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 Can he wear a regular pair of shorts over clean underwear? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 Does last week's suit have a liner? If so, can you cut it out? Is it tied too tight? Can you tighten this year's suit? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ivey Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 Will he wear athletic shorts? I've never been able to get Ds11 into trunks. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 I'm so sorry. I've been there, and it's rotten. Huge hugs and sympathy. My only real suggestions would be that, first, we've never had much luck fighting these battles "in the moment." We have better luck making a plan later when the dc is calm. And, second, some battles may not be worth fighting. We quit swimming for a couple of years and returned when there was a little more maturity and ability to cope. That may or may not work for you, I know. Best wishes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tita Gidge Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 I'm pulling my hair out here. The swimsuit he wore to swimming last week is suddenly "too small". The one I bought him for this summer is "too big". He is in his underwear refusing to get ready for swimming. He has called me every name he knows and is yelling at the whole family. This is the shit they don't tell you when you decide to start a family!!! :lol: :grouphug: Oh dear, my mom had that same kid. Sorry! I'm not sure how she still manages to love me, but I promise you I'm not as big a PITA to be around as I was when I was younger. I think I finally outgrew it in my 20s. :leaving: Well, depending on who you ask. Here's hoping time flies LOL. I like the suggestion to trim out last week's suit's netting for today, at least. And here's another suggestion, I'm not sure if it'd work for your son but it always worked for me: "Oh, you need a new suit? Let's spend ALL DAY LONG running errands together, including a few stops to find you a [swim suit] along with every other boring store I can drag you to." Suddenly I was willing to ignore shirt tags and seams in my socks for at least the duration of school. I traded one source of irritation for another. I know not every kid is capable of this though. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 Would he be willing to wear underwear underneath the "too big" suit? It may feel the right size if the undies make it comfier. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zarabellesmom Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 Been pretty much there with other clothing: tags, socks, shoes, wrinkles in any sort of clothing. How old is your son? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 If you know a battle is likely to brew, I find that really focusing on the sensory diet beforehand is helpful. So, lunch, swinging at the park, wall pushups, protein bar, and THEN trying to deal with a swimsuit. We buy swim trunks with the drawstring, no mesh, and a rash guard that is a bit big so it doesn't choke his neck. 9/10 it is ok. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 Will he wear speedo type--the long ones? Mine wouldn't wear the baggy lined swim shorts--it was sensory torture. With the sppeedos he has no issues. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 He is 10. I'm thinking that this was more an anxiety issue than a sensory one?? He was very concerned the new, bigger suit would fall off in the water (there is no way). I tied the shorts super tight and then he kept checking the knot while swimming. He says he going to gain a few pounds before we go on vacation. My man of mystery! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 He was very concerned the new, bigger suit would fall off in the water (there is no way). I tied the shorts super tight and then he kept checking the knot while swimming. My DS10 did the same thing except he was the one doing the tying and retying :lol: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zarabellesmom Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 Poor guy. Anxiety stinks no matter what age. I keep thinking as my daughter gets older that I'll be able to reason with her (which is just stupid as I have anxiety and I'm not at all reasonable when it crops up). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 ugh, SO have been there. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J&JMom Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 (edited) Have to laugh at the sensory diet. My kid has like 12 approved foods - nothing gluten or dye free in the list. I don't fight food battles and, currently, this is the only real "big" thing left. With my son, he wears his underwear under his suit. As for the fear of the suit being too big - do the jump test and have him do a dozen jumps straight up to convince him that the suit will stay put. ETA - I get the 'sensory diet' now. I thought food, not input. smh. I do those things so innately now that I forget it's an actual thing, lol. Edited June 25, 2016 by J&JMom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexigail Posted June 25, 2016 Share Posted June 25, 2016 I know how you feel! Clothing battles are so tough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 Ugh. I have a 3 year old with some minor sensory issues. Right now out biggest battle is shoes. All 742 pairs she owns feel funny. And the ground is blister-your-feet hot. I have a baby so I can't be carrying them both. It's driving me crazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 As the mom of a young adult with AS, I can honestly say that it probably isn't worth the energy to fight this battle. Swimming isn't something a child has to do. Now, if you have a backyard pool, the child needs to learn to swim, obviously, but other than that it IS optional. Have him sit out from swimming if he doesn't want to wear his suit. It isn't a punishment, it's just life. Today the sun is too bright for my son so he couldn't go to church. That, we have to work on, otherwise he will want to always stay inside. Choose your battles. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 As the mom of a young adult with AS, I can honestly say that it probably isn't worth the energy to fight this battle. Swimming isn't something a child has to do. Now, if you have a backyard pool, the child needs to learn to swim, obviously, but other than that it IS optional. Have him sit out from swimming if he doesn't want to wear his suit. It isn't a punishment, it's just life. Today the sun is too bright for my son so he couldn't go to church. That, we have to work on, otherwise he will want to always stay inside. Choose your battles. I disagree. Neither of my parents can swim and it has caused problems when we were kids. I let this kid quit a lot of things but I see swimming as a life skill he has to have. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 The thing about whether to insist on swimming or not is tricky. I completely get saying that it's a necessary life skill. But I also get how hard it is with sensory issues and/or ASD. As I said above, we dropped it for a couple of years when the kids were utterly freaking out over having their hair get wet or water splash their faces. We had the sort of screaming that made every kid and adult in the pool stop what they were doing and stare. No learning was happening for our kids during those swimming lessons. We quit. Ours were only, I don't know, 4 and 6 then? Maybe a bit older? Waiting made sense. They did actually like the pool, they just had limits to what they could tolerate. So we waited a couple of years, and then signed them up for private lessons but still didn't rejoin the local pool until they had gotten to the stage of really being able to deal with getting splashed and putting their heads under the water. Moxie's son is older I think, so it's probably harder to just wait. I don't know what I'd do in that situation. I do know with my children, pushing sensory issues is really tough. It sounds like anxiety is an issue too. Maybe just talking things over with him in a calm moment and trying to make a plan he can follow through on? Or even, if you have a suitable space, putting an above-ground pool in the back yard and teaching him there, letting him skinny-dip? Wal-Mart had some a few weeks go in the $20-40 range, so not breaking the bank. I'd try to address the swimming separately from the sensory issue if possible I think. I've just never had any luck trying to force an issue when a kid is beyond rationality over this sort of thing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Innisfree Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 And also, it's possible to say "yes, this is a priority" without having "we will do this here and now" be the corollary. You can make swimming a priority, and develop a plan to make it happen. It might happen slowly, or in fits and starts. You can lay out a plan of steps with rewards for each. You can talk with the pool managers about acceptable swimsuit alternatives. You can figure out a way to make it work at some stage without needing to do it all this way, right now. Anyway, good luck. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeninok Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 We have to do tight boxer brief type underwear under basketball shorts. I've never found a swimsuit he would happily wear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 (edited) I think sometimes I lose some battles to win the war..... Last year my oldest son for whatever reason just did not want to do swim lessons with his day camp. I talked to the director and he got permission to put on his swimsuit but be able to take a book and sit and read by the pool. So he missed 2 sessions but then he went back to the lessons. So, it wasn't like "you don't have to go." He still had to go, he still had to be there, he still had to put on his swimsuit. But he didn't have to get in. And then he had encouragement but not pressure. I have 3 kids and so I know often, I am still going to go places, and maybe it takes this son more times to get comfortable, maybe it is just going to happen more slowly. But he also does not have a clinical level of anxiety. It is more at the level of a personality trait for him, and then he can have more situational anxiety, but it is more at the level of being patient with him but also expecting him to do things. If it was more serious I think we would be taking him to see a counselor and considering medication. But I have sought some help for him and found that currently he does not have clinical anxiety but I need to do some strategies to help him with situational anxiety. And sometimes that is going to bat for him and changing things or not making him do things, and other times it is expecting him to do things but maybe being patient, but not just letting him out of it. This year the same son is more comfortable in the water and interested in swim lessons. He is taller and just feels more comfortable. So I do think, sometimes it is time to push a bit, and sometimes it is time to say "this is just not productive, we will revisit this another year." But it can be hard to tell what is productive pushing, and what is unproductive or (even worse!) counter-productive pushing. Counter-productive pushing is definitely bad, but that doesn't mean that other times a bit of pushing is not needed and very worthwhile. But I don't want to make him dig in and/or come to find something aversive. It is just a hard balance sometimes, or hard to know if it is productive or unproductive. I almost have to push him to do anything at all, for getting started, so I do push him, but I also don't think it is always the right time or situation to push without it possibly backfiring. Edited June 26, 2016 by Lecka 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 As the mom of a young adult with AS, I can honestly say that it probably isn't worth the energy to fight this battle. Swimming isn't something a child has to do. Now, if you have a backyard pool, the child needs to learn to swim, obviously, but other than that it IS optional. Have him sit out from swimming if he doesn't want to wear his suit. It isn't a punishment, it's just life. Today the sun is too bright for my son so he couldn't go to church. That, we have to work on, otherwise he will want to always stay inside. Choose your battles. Yes, I'd lean toward letting him sit out this time too, and maybe brainstorm with him when he isn't upset how to fix one of the suits to meet his requirements. I get not wanting your swimsuit to fall off, and I have no sensory issues :rofl: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 To the couple of people suggesting wearing regular shorts... Here, they kick you out of the pool if it's not official swimwear. Basketball shorts or street shorts wouldn't fly. I hope you find something that works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted June 26, 2016 Share Posted June 26, 2016 Will he wear speedo type--the long ones? Mine wouldn't wear the baggy lined swim shorts--it was sensory torture. With the sppeedos he has no issues. Here those are called jammers and they will absolutely, positively not fall off. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.