My (almost 9yo) ASD kiddo thinks it's not fair he's got to do more school work than his brother

[luuknam]

...even though he's 3.25 years older than his brother. I've explained this over and over again, that as kids get older, more school work is expected/required in higher grades etc, but argh, will it ever sink in? :banghead:

 

He also thinks it's not fair his little brother doesn't need OT/PT/Speech. Yeah, it ain't fair, but life ain't fair, and I'm at the point that I've told him he should consider himself lucky that he *does* get OT/PT/Speech since there are many kids who need it who can't get it for w/e reason. FWIW, he's graduating from PT, so yay, but still.

 

:rant: 

[SKL]

I have a similar situation, though my kids are closer in age.  Truly it isn't fair, but it's right.  Someday they will understand.

[AnthemLights]

Similar situation here.....we try to balance things out a bit with extra chores or playing with the little one, but basically, yeah, life's not fair....and the sooner you learn to be cheerful, the better.  :thumbup1:

[Lori D.]

Ug, that's always a rough one.

 

Perhaps remind him to also be upset that it's "not fair" that he is bigger and stronger than his younger sibling, that he gets to stay up later, that he can read or do math better and faster, and do XYZ activities that young sibling can't do…   ;)

 

Comparison is the thief of joy. *All* of us at times  get so focused on "fair" (or rather, what we think "should" be fair), that we forget to be grateful for what we CAN do and what we DO have and the progress we HAVE made...

 

Hugs, and hope he can clear this hurdle soon. And hope he makes good/quick progress with his OT/PT/Speech! :) Let him know that lots of us here are wishing him well! :) Warmest regards, Lori D.

Edited June 17, 2016 by Lori D.

[freelylearned]

LOL! I feel your pain. My oldest does that with his sister who is six years younger and my daughter does it with her brother who is two years younger.

 

A few years ago, I learned to use their ages to my advantage:

"Mom. I picked up way more toys than my sister. It's not FAIR!"

"Fine, you are 9, pick up 9 toys. Your sister is 3, she can pick up 3 toys. THAT'S FAIR!"

For some reason, he couldn't argue with that, so we kept it up until the floor was clean.

 

I'm already planning next year's statements: "You are twice her age, so you should spend twice as much time doing school!"

 

Kids are the same everywhere.

[Tanaqui]

"I know you're upset that you still have school when your brother doesn't. That's not going to change, though. This is the right amount of schoolwork for you. Fair doesn't mean everybody gets treated the same, fair means everybody gets what they need. You need to learn this material. Let's go back to your math now. The sooner we finish it, the sooner you can go play with your brother."

[kbutton]

Nodding in solidarity behind my computer screen.

[luuknam]

the sooner you learn to be cheerful, the better.  :thumbup1:

 

This. He's angry and/or negative so often. It's a struggle.

[MomatHWTK]

Be mindful of the nature of ASD when choosing a plan to address the behavior. 

I recently read comments by the co-author of Temple Gradin's book, The Loving Push, who mentioned that while pushing is necessary to achieve development pushing too far may result in resistance or regression. We have seen that in our children. Negative emotions are much more likely to become "hard wired" in an autistic child. It is a delicate balance to work toward goals without creating hard resistance. 

 

This article touches on a related topic. 

 

http://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/pda.aspx

 

 

[Heathermomster]

I tell DS that if life were fair, we'd all be dyslexic like him.