If you have an outgoing child/teen, or helped a shy one to be more outgoing...

[Pen]

Can you suggest things like conversational starters that are useful, especially at the teen stage?

[LifeLovePassion]

The Toastmasters program our co-op was great for that from the feedback we got on it. I believe there are groups all over.

[OnMyOwn]

My very shy dd started participating in homeschool speech club this year. It has been the best thing she's ever done. It has given her confidence and poise that I never would have imagined possible. It is a Stoa group, so you can google and see if there is a club in your area. It is a Christian organization, but if that is not for you, maybe toastmasters would be an option or speech club at your local public school.

 

There is also a book called Raise Your Child's Social IQ by Cathy Cohen that I found helpful.

[Rebel Yell]

First, making them more outgoing, or trying to turn a quiet introvert into a gregarious extrovert is not likely a good idea. It is not who they are, and may not ever be a good goal for them. They might always feel as if they are less-than or not good enough.

 

OK, now to answer a different question, which would be "How can I help my quiet child be more comfortable in larger groups, or speaking in public?" 😎

 

Toastmaster Jr. was great for my quiet introvert. At 21, she can teach a large dance class for young students, teens, or adults. She can confidently and comfortably address and direct an entire high school musical cast in their choreography. But she will never be the one to bounce into a crowded room at a party and just start talking to everyone. If she goes to the party at all LOL she will be in a quieter corner, eating all the chips and salsa, talking to one or two people.

 

So, what helped? Having some prepared questions to ask, such as How do you know the host or guest of honor? What other classes are you taking? Which Batman movie is your favorite? These brownies are delicious, how did you make them? Pretty much anything that she is interested in that could get the other person to give more than a yes or no answer.

 

I also did have to remind her that even if she is having a perfectly pleasant time sitting in the corner eating salsa that it might appear to others that she is miserable, so go get some lemonade and smile.

 

It also helps if she has a friend there who can introduce her and get a conversation started. Having a 'job' or task to do also helps. Like making sure people have name tags, or serving desserts, or passing out the booklets or whatever. Something that involves a minimal 'forced' interaction but doesn't require too much thought helps get the introvert circulating in a low anxiety way.

[Pen]

We have Toastmasters in the city nearest us, but seems to be mostly adult business people. Teens are welcome, but I am not sure that it will help all that much.

 

 

He'd like to have openers that are things teens and tweens would use.

 

He says he has asked about hobbies, but cannot think of other questions to start with, and doesn't know how to keep conversation from fizzling after the other person says what their hobby is, then asks what his is, and he replies.

 

for example, as I understand it:

 

a: What are your favorite hobbies?

 

b: Playing video games, you?

 

a: ice skating

 

 

silence

[OnMyOwn]

If you google "conversation starters teens", lots of lists pop up. Some of them are for parents to use to get their teen to talk, but I could see where many of them would also be good for one teen to get another engaged in a conversation. With the example you gave, he could have asked for more detail about the video games, what kind of system he uses and if his parents have rules or restrictions for gaming. Or, after saying that he liked to skate, he could have asked the other kid if he ever skated and, if so, what type of skating.etc.

 

I think having a list is a good idea. Some kids really freeze up when they are around kids they don't know that well. We've definitely struggled with that some here.