ktgrok Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 That's fine...for YOU Your marriage priorities are not an object lesson for the rest of us, however. Y'all need to be careful you are not shaming women who make different decisions than you do. YOU may be a bad wife for not taking hormones. That doesn't mean other women are, or that their priorities are selfish and out of whack. Ugh, I didn't say that. I said that originally I thought women were saying they didn't even want to try to find a solution, but then realized, after further reading of their posts, that what they were actually saying is that they hadn't been able to find a solution that worked for them. And I do understand that taking hormones is not an option for all women, for whatever reason,including risk of cancer, etc. I'm sorry if my post wasn't clear. Balancing sex drive against health risks is totally understandable. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted June 13, 2016 Author Share Posted June 13, 2016 Ugh, I didn't say that. I said that originally I thought women were saying they didn't even want to try to find a solution, but then realized, after further reading of their posts, that what they were actually saying is that they hadn't been able to find a solution that worked for them. And I do understand that taking hormones is not an option for all women, for whatever reason,including risk of cancer, etc. I'm sorry if my post wasn't clear. Balancing sex drive against health risks is totally understandable. Not you...but seriously some of the responses by other women have been meaner than anything my husband has said. He hasn't actually said anything. It's not a super horrid problem. I just find some of the responses interesting. Not the first time for sure. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 Not you...but seriously some of the responses by other women have been meaner than anything my husband has said. He hasn't actually said anything. It's not a super horrid problem. I just find some of the responses interesting. Not the first time for sure. Well I hope I haven't been mean. :( My husband would not be mean to me if I lost all sex drive. However, since I know it is important to him I would know he missed it. So I would feel bad for him. I hate that there is not a solution for these situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted June 13, 2016 Share Posted June 13, 2016 (edited) I think that having low sex drive or issues with uncomfortable sex, exploring treatment, and deciding there is no acceptable option (like with the case of a history of ovarian cancer...I totally get that, ovarian cancer is scary), or trying and finding they don't work is one thing. Saying I don't want a solution, I don't want to have sex even if it is possible, and my husband can just deal is another. I think a few answers started to border into sounding like that second thing..but on further explanation were really the first. IF I can have sex and enjoy it with my partner I do think I owe that to him and our marriage. If I can't he owes me the grace of understanding. I don't know that I'd say I disagree with this - that there is going to be a strong element of mutually working it out. But I think there is also a strong element of cultural assumptions and beliefs about sex that are being taken for granted. We tend to believe that being sexually active is one of the primary reasons for marriage, one of the main joys of adulthood, that it is something all healthy adults want to some degree, that people who aren't getting it when they want it are really hard done by, that ageing is negative, that death comes after aging and is scary. Even if we don't believe these things, they are so much present in the air that it is hard to escape them at times. What if we took it for granted that a great many marriages would become much less or non-sexual sometime after the wane of fertility? That whether the physical change happened on the male or female side, the other spouse was actually capable of dealing with it, just like with other aspects of ageing, saggy bits and wrinkles and forgetting things and so on? And that it should be a time where other intimacies would come to the forefront of the relationship? Looking for solutions might seem a lot different, the questions we ask might be different, if our cultural expectations were different. Edited June 13, 2016 by Bluegoat 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted June 13, 2016 Author Share Posted June 13, 2016 Well I hope I haven't been mean. :( My husband would not be mean to me if I lost all sex drive. However, since I know it is important to him I would know he missed it. So I would feel bad for him. I hate that there is not a solution for these situations. No, not you either! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.