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SparklyUnicorn

What do you think of s*x comfort products for menopausal women?

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Ok, but could they do anything about it? That's the thing. When I've told people this, they told me to tell a doctor. When I've told a doctor, they pretty much blew me off and said there is nothing that can be done. So what was the point of that? Even some of the "advice" given here in the past has been really strange stuff. Like just do it and the more you do it the more you'll want to do it. Yeah sure.... Does.not.work.

That works for me....the more I do it the more I want to....lol...but I don't have a low drive to start with so really I am sorry. I wouldn't want to take a pill for that either.

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I think if drives are matched and nobody cares to increase it then there isn't any issue. 

 

BUT I don't see anything wrong with wanting to increase your drive. I think it is about time women's wants were taken into consideration. I think it is far more insulting to say it doesn't matter if we want it or not. I appreciate the fact that women are now seen as sexual beings too.  Men have had this for years, I'd guess it make some of them feel put on the spot too. 

 

I've had a decade plus of my drive being often low due to hormones from bf'ing now that I've past that point in my life I'd like a chance to be normal. My husband keeps commenting that he thinks I'm fertile but as I keep telling him it is normal to want to have s*x more than one time a month. I can't wait until menopause has passed and we can have s*x without threat of pregnancy- I'll be really disappointed if I finally get there and don't want it at all. 

 

So, if you think the commercials don't apply to you and you are happy with the way things are then just ignore them. BUT I'm happy there are options out there in case I need them. I'd also say there is a whole lot that plays into sex drive. It isn't just hormones. As I said I noticed a difference in mine with an increase in my thyroid meds. A full hormone and thyroid panel is not something that a dr is going to run unless you ask for it(even then they don't often know how to treat it). My general health is outstanding but my endocrine system has a good bit of trouble a traditional dr would see my picture perfect cholesterol, BP and weight and think things are just fine but they aren't. I'm not about giving up, not yet anyway, too many years of life left to live it half-way.

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Ok, but could they do anything about it?  That's the thing.  When I've told people this, they told me to tell a doctor. When I've told a doctor, they pretty much blew me off and said there is nothing that can be done.  So what was the point of that?  Even some of the "advice" given here in the past has been really strange stuff.  Like just do it and the more you do it the more you'll want to do it.  Yeah sure....  Does.not.work.

 

Oh, my doctor was very attentive to the issue. And proactive. I brought it up and he said it could be my IUD, and he could take that out and see. Or could be hormone levels or other issues. I had good lab work otherwise, so he tested my DHEA and Testosterone, and was willing to do a testosterone cream prescription or even an injection right there and then, even before we had results. He went over the pros and cons of the various options, and we settled on a lesser alternative due to me trying to conceive and testosterone not being a good thing to be on with that. Plus we knew I'd be getting the IUD out which might impact it. So DHEA supplements were the start, with the plan to call and request the testosterone if I wanted it. If that hadn't worked we'd have kept looking. 

 

So yeah, he was very willing to listen and didn't blow me off at all. 

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I agree. This is a depressing thread! I suspect I am older that a lot of you, and definitely not all about drinkng tea daily. But there are things in life that are (to me) about pleasure. Food. Wine. Sex. Poetry. Music. Conversation with a best friend, a difficult hike and the luxuriating in just being there ... a dog. Most of these things require energy and I don't do them on command. But if I stop enjoying them at all, I would want to work in 'fixng' that. I assume that pleasure is what you have left as an old person if you are lucky. I hope to at least enjoy my food and music when I am in my dotage, and if I still have a man, I greatly hope to still want him now and then.

 

I feel just the opposite.  Its so refreshing to know I'm not the only one who feels this way and wishes society would stop loading expectations about what is "normal". 

 

It's like an introvert finally being told it's perfectly okay to want to stay home alone and read books on a Friday night.

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Oh, my doctor was very attentive to the issue. And proactive. I brought it up and he said it could be my IUD, and he could take that out and see. Or could be hormone levels or other issues. I had good lab work otherwise, so he tested my DHEA and Testosterone, and was willing to do a testosterone cream prescription or even an injection right there and then, even before we had results. He went over the pros and cons of the various options, and we settled on a lesser alternative due to me trying to conceive and testosterone not being a good thing to be on with that. Plus we knew I'd be getting the IUD out which might impact it. So DHEA supplements were the start, with the plan to call and request the testosterone if I wanted it. If that hadn't worked we'd have kept looking. 

 

So yeah, he was very willing to listen and didn't blow me off at all. 

 

I've been fixed so no IUDs or anything.

I'm not willing to take hormone anything.  I know, I'm not being 100% cooperative here, but I don't want cancer either.  Low sex drive seems way less annoying than cancer. 

 

My doctor didn't suggest anything and said testosterone is dangerous (I do agree with that part).  I know others will disagree, but mmm nope, not going that route. 

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I feel just the opposite.  Its so refreshing to know I'm not the only one who feels this way and wishes society would stop loading expectations about what is "normal". 

 

It's like an introvert finally being told it's perfectly okay to want to stay home alone and read books on a Friday night.

 

Oh me too.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm some kind of freak or suffering from something rare.  But no, I don't think so.  Which is why I ask about it.

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Looked at that DHEA stuff.  Problem with that stuff is it's uses are still essentially experimental.  No studies have evaluated long term use of it.  The list of side affects are the sorts of things I think would not be a good idea for me.

 

 

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Looked at that DHEA stuff.  Problem with that stuff is it's uses are still essentially experimental.  No studies have evaluated long term use of it.  The list of side affects are the sorts of things I think would not be a good idea for me.

 

True. I did have my lab work done to see where my levels are naturally, and they were down at the bottom of the normal range (and it is a big range). DHEA has also been show to help prevent miscarriage and chromosomal abnormalities in women of advanced maternal age, so I had another whole reason to want to take it. Thus far, no side effects, knock on wood. 

 

I guess it also comes down to quality of life issue, I'm willing to take some risks to have more enjoyment out of life. And I'm young enough that not being interested in sex, at all, wasn't okay with me. And i don't just mean I was tired, or not into it all the time. I mean, even during it I was like "why are we doing this? How soon until it is over?" That wasn't okay for me, at all. And it wasn't good for my marriage. Less frequent but still enjoyable sex would have been different I think. For me, it was like a switch...I went from very much enjoying to being nearly averse. 

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Acupuncture can help with low s*x drive and other menopause symptoms. No cancer risk, very relaxing, and good for stress too!  :)

That said, acu couldn't fix my comfort issues, so my doc prescribed a very low dose estrogen cream that helps tons. 

 

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Katie, can I ask how much DHEA? I had the testing but am not seeing any difference at the 10mg the doc suggested. Wondering if it's just not the right answer here or if asking for a higher dose might help?

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Besides Viagra, like what?

 

The other ads strike me as quacky stuff.  The same quacky stuff they probably have for women.

 

Testosterone shots are big now, or treatment for what they call male menopause.  Which is essentially men getting older.

 

It's a little funny, and sometimes I think we've gone backwards by going forwards.  Up until my grandmother's generation, it seemed to be taken for granted that a lot of women were blasé about sex, or wouldn't want it once they had kids, or after they were menopausal.  Then that was all thrown by the wayside as being about oppressing women's sexual identity.

 

Now, one of the most common complaints I hear in the young mothers online group I belong to is the real shock of longer term disinterest in sex, especially among those who are breastfeeding.  A lot of them seem to figure once they are healed up they will be good to go, minus a little sleep deprivation.  They really are shocked that their libido is so affected, and their husbands are as well.  They are all like "it isn't supposed to be like this" and the older mothers are 'well actually, yeah, that is totally normal."

 

I'm not sure the assumption that most women weren't that interested at various times in life wasn't a less stressful belief.

 

But - even if you go back that far, there still was a lot of belief that virility and manhood were closely connected. 

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Katie, can I ask how much DHEA? I had the testing but am not seeing any difference at the 10mg the doc suggested. Wondering if it's just not the right answer here or if asking for a higher dose might help?

 

He said to start with 50 mg then go to 25. I'm actually now on 75mg though for fertility stuff, which is a higher dosage than is used for libido. 

 

I think the Mirena was really messing with my hormones, as was the weight loss which flooded my body with estrogen. As that evened out I've been a lot better, although maybe not 100 percent. 

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True. I did have my lab work done to see where my levels are naturally, and they were down at the bottom of the normal range (and it is a big range). DHEA has also been show to help prevent miscarriage and chromosomal abnormalities in women of advanced maternal age, so I had another whole reason to want to take it. Thus far, no side effects, knock on wood. 

 

I guess it also comes down to quality of life issue, I'm willing to take some risks to have more enjoyment out of life. And I'm young enough that not being interested in sex, at all, wasn't okay with me. And i don't just mean I was tired, or not into it all the time. I mean, even during it I was like "why are we doing this? How soon until it is over?" That wasn't okay for me, at all. And it wasn't good for my marriage. Less frequent but still enjoyable sex would have been different I think. For me, it was like a switch...I went from very much enjoying to being nearly averse. 

 

Yeah I get that, but I don't know.  The risk seems too great to me.  For me...anyhow.  My family is like the poster child of female related cancers.  A doctor once suggested some sort of hormone replacement therapy to my mother.  She said what about the breast cancer risk.  You know what he said?  Oh well we can just cut your breasts off and treat you for cancer, but hey your sex drive will be better.  WTF?!

 

My mother died at 49 btw.

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I feel just the opposite. Its so refreshing to know I'm not the only one who feels this way and wishes society would stop loading expectations about what is "normal".

 

It's like an introvert finally being told it's perfectly okay to want to stay home alone and read books on a Friday night.

I think it's the other way, really. I think the message promoted is that women, especially older women, don't like sex. But I think we can all agree that there is a great range of "normal."

 

I am an introvert too and absolutely feel no apologies for reading alone. I need a lot of alone. But when I read married Women talking about zero desire, and just flat giving up sex, i do wonder about whether a safe and effective way to Increase pleasure or desire would be a good thing.

 

If my husband told me he had zero desire to talk to me and wanted to stop taking unless for an essential household management reason, I would not be happy. Even if that were in the range of normal, I would feel rejected and unfulfilled. And I consider my needs for taking and emotional intimacy to be low compared to other women. But I need some.

 

If both partners are ok with no talk or no sex, great. If a person isn't in a marriage, great. No reason to work on intimacy (physical or emotional) if neither party cares or if a person is single.

 

But for the rest of us, there is another person to care about. And since most of us are going to care and are going to have sex at least occasionally, one might as well pursue ways to enjoy/desire it more. For young mothers, often desire increases as exhaustion decreases, so getting alone time, help, sleep etc can improved the situation. But if the major factor is biological, and a simple safe product can help, I would try that.

Edited by Danestress
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I think it's the other way, really. I think the message promoted is that women, especially older women, don't like sex. CBut I think we can all agree that there is a great range of "normal."

 

I am an introvert too and absolutely feel no apologies for reading alone. I need a lot of alone. But when I read married Women talking about zero desire, and just flat giving up sex, i do wonder about whether a safe and effective way to Increase pleasure ot desire would be a good thing.

 

If my husband told me he had zero desire to talk to me and wanted to stop taking unless for an essential household management reason, I would not be happy. Even if that were in the range of normal, I would feel rejected and unfulfilled. And I consider my needs for taking and emotional intimacy to be low compared to other women. But I need some.

 

If both partners are ok with no talk or no sex, great. If a person isn't in a marriage, great. No reason to work on intimacy (physical or emotional) if neither party cares or if a person is single.

 

But for the rest of us, there is another person to care about. And since most of us are going to care and are going to have sex at least occasionally, one might as well pursue ways to enjoy/desire it more. For young mothers, often desire increases as exhaustion decreases, so getting alone time, help, sleep etc can improved the situation. But if the major factor is biological, and a simple safe product can help, I would try that.

 

Well I don't deny what you are saying, but to be real it's normal to have a lowered drive and the options are pretty much non existent.  I'm sure plenty of women want to change it.  I'm sure plenty feel pressured to change it irregardless if they want to change it.  I'm sure there are all kinds of situations out there.  I think the "relief" comes from knowing you are not the only one in this situation. 

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I did not know about any of this. I must live under a rock. I guess it's good if there's products out there to make women/couples happier.

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I think it's the other way, really. I think the message promoted is that women, especially older women, don't like sex. CBut I think we can all agree that there is a great range of "normal."

 

I am an introvert too and absolutely feel no apologies for reading alone. I need a lot of alone. But when I read married Women talking about zero desire, and just flat giving up sex, i do wonder about whether a safe and effective way to Increase pleasure ot desire would be a good thing.

 

If my husband told me he had zero desire to talk to me and wanted to stop taking unless for an essential household management reason, I would not be happy. Even if that were in the range of normal, I would feel rejected and unfulfilled. And I consider my needs for taking and emotional intimacy to be low compared to other women. But I need some.

 

If both partners are ok with no talk or no sex, great. If a person isn't in a marriage, great. No reason to work on intimacy (physical or emotional) if neither party cares or if a person is single.

 

But for the rest of us, there is another person to care about. And since most of us are going to care and are going to have sex at least occasionally, one might as well pursue ways to enjoy/desire it more. For young mothers, often desire increases as exhaustion decreases, so getting alone time, help, sleep etc can improved the situation. But if the major factor is biological, and a simple safe product can help, I would try that.

 

I don't know - I think the idea that a healthy person must be sexually active, or that a relationship must have sex as part of the equation, is kind of a myth.  I don't think that is always something that is easily navigated, but that is true of bodily changes in general, and it can be harder when there are two people, but to my mind navigating those changes is a big part of what it means to have a permanent commitment with someone.

 

It's one thing to say - why not do something about it if you can.  But that very easily seems to slip into "if you aren't having sex regularly you aren't operating normally" or the expectations that adults need sex to be happy, or that you really ought to do something to fix that "problem." 

 

I think it's generally a bad idea though to see normal aging processes as a problem.  There is something to be said for being comfortable with the place you are in life.

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Sparkly, since you mention cancer several times, I'd just add that according to the American Cancer Society, your best way of reducing risk is to maintain good BMI, exercise regularly, eat lots of fruits & veg, avoid alcohol, and limit consumption of meat.

 

Those are the recommendations for everyone. It seems to me if you're at higher risk due to family history, this would be even more important. 

 

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Sparkly, since you mention cancer several times, I'd just add that according to the American Cancer Society, your best way of reducing risk is to maintain good BMI, exercise regularly, eat lots of fruits & veg, avoid alcohol, and limit consumption of meat.

 

Those are the recommendations for everyone. It seems to me if you're at higher risk due to family history, this would be even more important. 

 

Yeah, I don't know how to take this.  First you assume I don't know this.  Second, we are talking about sex drive and sex comfort products for women.

 

I think this is just one of your underhanded attempts to promote your veganism quite frankly.

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It was meant with kindness. 

You raised the issue & your discomfort with the hormonal treatments which is what these products are. I just pointed out that there are potentially other things you may want to consider. I don't know what you (or others reading this thread) know or don't. 

 

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It was meant with kindness. 

 

You raised the issue & your discomfort with the hormonal treatments which is what these products are. I just pointed out that there are potentially other things you may want to consider. I don't know what you (or others reading this thread) know or don't. 

 

 

 

Would you consider it kind of me to tell you I think veganism is potentially very unhealthy?  I mean I don't know what you know or don't know.

That's how I feel about your comment.

 

 

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If both partners are ok with no talk or no sex, great. If a person isn't in a marriage, great. No reason to work on intimacy (physical or emotional) if neither party cares or if a person is single.

 

But for the rest of us, there is another person to care about. And since most of us are going to care and are going to have sex at least occasionally, one might as well pursue ways to enjoy/desire it more. For young mothers, often desire increases as exhaustion decreases, so getting alone time, help, sleep etc can improved the situation. But if the major factor is biological, and a simple safe product can help, I would try that.

 

Yes, this was what I was feeling. If one can't have sex, the other partner should respect that. If one doesn't want it, they shouldn't be forced into it. But it is part of what makes marriage different than other relationships, and for me, religiously, it's part of what I signed up for. I will seek out ways to make it enjoyable and something I want, because I do feel I owe that to my marriage, if not my husband.

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Yeah I get that, but I don't know.  The risk seems too great to me.  For me...anyhow.  My family is like the poster child of female related cancers.  A doctor once suggested some sort of hormone replacement therapy to my mother.  She said what about the breast cancer risk.  You know what he said?  Oh well we can just cut your breasts off and treat you for cancer, but hey your sex drive will be better.  WTF?!

 

My mother died at 49 btw.

 

that makes sense. No cancer like that in my family. My mom did have lung cancer, but she smoked for decades. Luckily she's been in remission since her lobectomy hears ago. But no cancer of the reproductive organs on either side. Pretty healthy in general. 

 

It also is probably a factor that my decreased drive didn't feel like a natural thing. It felt like a medical problem. So I addressed it in that way, the same way I'd deal with any other medical issue. 

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Diminished drive, dryness, and thinning are all related to estrogen levels. There are creams, pills, and the insert that all provide estrogen. If you don't have any risk factors then estrogen therapy isn't a concern. 

 

If you've ever used a diaphragm comfortably, then the ring won't bother you. You won't even know it's there.

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. If you don't have any risk factors then estrogen therapy isn't a concern. 

 

It strikes me as well that when weighing risks one does have to consider the risks of the relationship suffering.

 

 A loving, stable, fun relationship with a partner is a huge health benefit and the risks of potentially damaging that by not doing anything have to be weighed against the risks of the intervention. 

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He said to start with 50 mg then go to 25. I'm actually now on 75mg though for fertility stuff, which is a higher dosage than is used for libido. 

 

I think the Mirena was really messing with my hormones, as was the weight loss which flooded my body with estrogen. As that evened out I've been a lot better, although maybe not 100 percent. 

 

Thanks, there is obviously a lot of latitude there.

 

And thanks to the OP for this thread!

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that makes sense. No cancer like that in my family. My mom did have lung cancer, but she smoked for decades. Luckily she's been in remission since her lobectomy hears ago. But no cancer of the reproductive organs on either side. Pretty healthy in general. 

 

It also is probably a factor that my decreased drive didn't feel like a natural thing. It felt like a medical problem. So I addressed it in that way, the same way I'd deal with any other medical issue. 

 

Yeah my mother smoked a lot.  Who knows, maybe that contributed to her ovarian cancer.  Hard to say.  Nobody knows what causes it.  My grandmother never had any sort of cancer though (on my mother's side).  My great grandmother did (breast cancer).  Some other various relatives with less blood relationship had stuff like endometriosis.

 

But, my mother also did take various hormone pills and products.  So I do wonder. 

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It strikes me as well that when weighing risks one does have to consider the risks of the relationship suffering.

 

 A loving, stable, fun relationship with a partner is a huge health benefit and the risks of potentially damaging that by not doing anything have to be weighed against the risks of the intervention. 

 

Of course.  But dying kinda puts a damper on relationships.  I imagine my husband would prefer I don't die young verses being super fun in bed all the time.

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So I have a friend who...

 

...completely lost her sex drive the minute her son was born. Perfectly healthy otherwise. Honestly, never interested. Enjoys it when it happens well enough, but does not seek it out.

 

Her DH stumbled upon the cure. Now when he buys more than one bottle of wine, she know he really wants teA.

 

She's also not allowed to drink when he is not around. She's fine with that.

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So I have a friend who...

 

...completely lost her sex drive the minute her son was born. Perfectly healthy otherwise. Honestly, never interested. Enjoys it when it happens well enough, but does not seek it out.

 

Her DH stumbled upon the cure. Now when he buys more than one bottle of wine, she know he really wants teA.

 

She's also not allowed to drink when he is not around. She's fine with that.

 

Yeah this is how my friend often deals with the situation....

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Also, I wanted to point out something about the listed side effects. The FDA requires that every possible side effect is listed for every medication you buy, including over the counter stuff*. It makes anything sound scary. Again, it's about risk factors. You (general you) should discuss your family's medical history to determine what, if any risk factors you have when considering HRT.

 

*Except herbal, natural, and vitamin supplements. Big Alternative Medicine has made sure they can sell you anything they want to with no oversight. The don't even have to tell you exactly what's in their products.

Edited by Lady Florida.
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Also, I wanted to point out something about the listed side effects. The FDA requires that every possibles side effect is listed for every medication you buy, including over the counter stuff*. It makes anything sound scary. Again, it's about risk factors. You (general you) should discuss your family's medical history to determine what, if any risk factors you have when considering HRT.

 

*Except herbal, natural, and vitamin supplements. Big Alternative Medicine has made sure they can sell you anything they want to with no oversight. The don't even have to tell you exactly what's in their products.

 

True.  I have to say sometimes I hear about side affects with drugs and wonder how these things do not instantly kill people.  Makes it difficult!  I'm not anti drugs by any stretch though.  Drugs helped many of my family members have a somewhat normal life despite the side affects.  My dad is one toe into the door of the dialysis center because of a drug he took for years.  But his life would have been hell without it so I think it was still worth the risk.

 

I'm not willing to risk cancer for sex.  I do think I have some factors that make the risk greater than average.  But there are people who take these things and ever get cancer.  I might be overly cautious. So be it.  I don't know how psychologically I'm even going to enjoy sex if I'm worried about that.  KWIM? 

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Also, I wanted to point out something about the listed side effects. The FDA requires that every possible side effect is listed for every medication you buy, including over the counter stuff*. It makes anything sound scary. Again, it's about risk factors. You (general you) should discuss your family's medical history to determine what, if any risk factors you have when considering HRT.

 

*Except herbal, natural, and vitamin supplements. Big Alternative Medicine has made sure they can sell you anything they want to with no oversight. The don't even have to tell you exactly what's in their products.

That argument works for me with regard to vaccines, where the risk of getting a terrible disease outweighs the risk of the potential side effects of the vaccine. But a low libido is not something I would accept even a low risk for, since my alternative (for me) is do nothing, no risk.

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That argument works for me with regard to vaccines, where the risk of getting a terrible disease outweighs the risk of the potential side effects of the vaccine. But a low libido is not something I would accept even a low risk for, since my alternative (for me) is do nothing, no risk.

 

But as I mentioned above, for some couples doing nothing puts a huge strain on their relationship. I think that is a risk that needs to be factored in. 

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That's a very harsh thing to say about the partners of some women on this board. They're not selfish.  

& it seems to me the men could make the same comment back "If my wife is that selfish that she won't discuss this with her doctor and determine if it's safe for her....." 

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If my husband is that selfish....buh bye....

 

If a spouse wants you to use a specific intervention that you are not comfortable with, that's a problem.

 

But wanting a sex life and wanting to explore ways of making that happen is not selfish. You could just as easily say that a spouse who doesn't want sex and doesn't want to be bothered with trying anything is selfish. 

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I never said I didn't explore options.

 

But a woman not wanting to put drugs in her body so her husband can have sex should never be considered selfish.

 

If she wants to, fine. But not doing so is not selfish, IMO.

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I never said I didn't explore options.

 

But a woman not wanting to put drugs in her body so her husband can have sex should never be considered selfish.

 

If she wants to, fine. But not doing so is not selfish, IMO.

 

Okay.  Let's back up a bit.  There are two different things being talked about on this thread: sex comfort products (to do with lubrication and the thinning of the vaginal wall); and drugs that might increase libido.

 

In the former case, hormonal pessaries work for me, but before we started using them basic lubricants were okay.  Unless one does not want to use any 'chemicals' at all (a doubtful definition), then there are various more or less technical ways of dealing with friction issues.  If a couple wants to have sex but it is painful, most people can find an acceptable solution.

 

Libido is a whole other issue - I don't think that people in a committed relationship are required to want sex, but it should be up to the couple to work that out in a mutually respectful way.

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If a spouse wants you to use a specific intervention that you are not comfortable with, that's a problem.

 

But wanting a sex life and wanting to explore ways of making that happen is not selfish. You could just as easily say that a spouse who doesn't want sex and doesn't want to be bothered with trying anything is selfish. 

 

If I did not care, why would I bring it up?  Ya know?  I don't need to be told this stuff.  Not aimed at you, btw.

 

Just a little tired of being talked to like I'm an idiot.  I am basically saying this is an issue with very few actual treatment options and the few out there aren't really options for some people. 

 

What is there to try?  There is nothing.  Absolutely nothing because it is too risky for me to use hormone treatments.  Not to mention any hormone anything I've ever tried in my life makes me so freaking sick to my stomach that believe me if I'm not a hot time now, I won't be a hot time if I'm throwing up all day.

Edited by SparklyUnicorn
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That's a very harsh thing to say about the partners of some women on this board. They're not selfish.  

 

& it seems to me the men could make the same comment back "If my wife is that selfish that she won't discuss this with her doctor and determine if it's safe for her....." 

 

I did not say that.

 

I said if MY husband.....

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Golly, there's bit of preaching in this thread! :)

 

I hear you Wendy. I don't think you are at all wrong for being cautious about use of hormones or other medications, given your family history.

 

I wish there was a good solution out there for women and men who are bothered by a 'normal' low libido, as opposed to low libido resulting from relationship issues. 

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Just one more reason sister wives make sense!!

 

I kid, I kid!!

 

Maybe. But she'd have to love doing the laundry or hands off my man!!!

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I hate those commercials. I hate all sex commercials but the ones with the older ladies draping themselves seductively over furniture is high on my annoyance list, second only to the people in the bathtubs outside. I had no idea about all of those problems and now I'm dreading when menopause hits. I would've preferred to live in ignorant bliss, but once I saw the commercial I had to ask my menopausal friends some questions. They were not reassuring. I was hoping it was all a big fat lie by pharmaceutical companies. :(

 

What I must be missing by not having regular TV channels....

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But as I mentioned above, for some couples doing nothing puts a huge strain on their relationship. I think that is a risk that needs to be factored in.

There are other alternatives, such as consentual non monogamy.

 

My solution to low sex drive was a girlfriend for my DH.

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I never said I didn't explore options.

 

But a woman not wanting to put drugs in her body so her husband can have sex should never be considered selfish.

 

If she wants to, fine. But not doing so is not selfish, IMO.

Perhaps not selfish. Perhaps it's just honest.

 

I think it's also not selfish for a man to be honest and acknowledge that sex is a fundamental desire for him (if that is the case, and it isn't always). I am not sure how such a situation is can be well resolved. I don't think it's matter of who is right and who is wrong.

 

Certainly there are those who simply can not have sex. Ever again. I know one couple who have apparently have found creative, sexually intimate solutions. I get the idea (without asking details) that this requires more energy than intercouse generally does (and energy is the major impediment to sex, which is why I mention that). There is a flat inability in that case, so no (I hope) resentment.

 

I don't feel qualified to have opinions about what a couple should do when she is 'done' and not interested in pursuing all solutions, and he most decided isn't done. That is between the partners. But I have tremendous sympathy for the suffering of both.

Edited by Danestress
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On a side note, back when I worked in infectious disease I had a friend who worked on studies with the 60+ crowd. Their STI rates were through the roof. One of the highest by age group at the time. Those retirement homes were swinging places it seemed and this was before Viagra was mainstream! They speculated some of it was because women far outnumbered the men and the guys could get away with some philandering and multiple partners and no condom use. Also that this generation was of age prior to herpes and HIV. Anyway....this thread just made me remember her research. I can only imagine what magic pills would do for this!

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Just one more reason sister wives make sense!!

 

I kid, I kid!!

 

Maybe. But she'd have to love doing the laundry or hands off my man!!!

I could absolutely sign on for a celibate sister wife. Can you imagine what could be accomplished in a day??? Without the husband-sharing aspect I'm a all in :-)

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There are other alternatives, such as consentual non monogamy.

 

My solution to low sex drive was a girlfriend for my DH.

I just wanted to quote this so it doesn't get lost in the shuffle. I'm gonna grab some popcorn and be right back . . .

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I think that having low sex drive or issues with uncomfortable sex, exploring treatment, and deciding there is no acceptable option (like with the case of a history of ovarian cancer...I totally get that, ovarian cancer is scary), or trying and finding they don't work is one thing. Saying I don't want a solution, I don't want to have sex even if it is possible, and my husband can just deal is another. I think a few answers started to border into sounding like that second thing..but on further explanation were really the first. 

 

IF I can have sex and enjoy it with my partner I do think I owe that to him and our marriage. If I can't he owes me the grace of understanding. 

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