Do you attempt to train house guests? UPDATE - Msg 164

[goldberry]

The nuts are expensive, AND as guest, I would never take "all" of something that you clearly indicated others in your family snacked on.  That would have made me mad.  

 

That would be like if you had a special bag of chocolate candy, and I just said, "I'm taking this bag."  ???  

 

Agreeing with those who think that much soda may well kill someone...

[Pegasus]

Today actually went much better.  I spent the day at work so house guest only drove my DDs nuts.   :laugh:   She's now watching a really bad zombie movie on Netflix but that's fine.  It keeps her occupied.

 

I like the possible psychological reasons for her behavior. She's always been a very difficult person.  While she doesn't hoard in general, she does seem to go through extremes that vary over time.  For a while, she was eating eggs almost exclusively.  Next time I saw her, she wasn't eating any.  She's on the Coke Zero path now but in the past it's been tea flavored with orange extract or a particular flavor of Kool-Aid. 

 

The last couple of times I've seen her, I've stayed at her house to help her with some things.  That seemed tolerable so I didn't really think through that it would be more difficult to have her in my home. This is the first and last time for that.  

 

 

[Tanaqui]

Guests and fish stink after three days. I wouldn't say anything to her - because none of it is bad enough for me to be rude to a guest in my home, and I definitely can't think of a way to broach this subject politely! - but you can bet she'd never be invited to stay again unless there was literally no other choice. Here's hoping you can hold out until Saturday without having a big blow-up.

[Slojo]

No, I don't try to manage my guests.

I really try not to manage my adult guests. Kids I assume are under an "in loco parentis", and I expect them to do what my kids would do. But I'm pretty laid back so it's really hard to "break" one of my house rules. I will say that I do "make myself very busy," if I really don't want a houseguest to stay or to stay more than 2 days -- oh, I can whip up an away soccer tournament in a minute. ;-). Otherwise, I try to be gracious --- and I try to make certain things "scarce" -- we are just not going to have 92 cans of soda in my house, and once the paper towels are gone - welp, they are gone...

 

I have family members that I find to be difficult house guests... I believe it to be polite to ask your hostess/host how they would like things handled (such as stripping beds) ... this guest believes there is only one correct way to handle such things and it is NOT the way I want it handled in my home. Thus guest also had a disregard for other people's time and schedules that grates on me.

This is the problem I have more than that I have a lot of house rules. I've only really butted heads with my MIL, but she is pickier than me about house stuff, and I had to just tell her "let me be the queen of my own modest castle." In your house, I say nothing, and try my best to do as you would do. But my castle is so small, let me have my tiny little kingdom. 

 

 

OK my weird thing isn't in the kitchen... it's in the laundry room. In my house we NEVER EVER EVER put dirty clothes in the clean-clothes baskets. Everyone has a hamper in their bedroom, there's even one in the guest room and one in the laundry room for catching jmisc towels and whatnot.

 

That's totally cool -- it's just not me at all. In fact, every once in a while I've got to sniff to recall if a basket is clean or dirty.  :lol: Oh, and we've been known to get an outfit or two from the laundry basket. 

 

I hope this doesn't come out unkindly--but some of you all have a lot of rules.   :lol:

That's what I was thinking. Though in the OP's defense, the house guest is a little much. I do not have a lot of rules, but I do hate "greedy" -- and taking all the nuts? Come on? Who does that? Now no one else in the flipping house can have some nuts because you'll scarf it all down while you're here? There's X number of people in the house, and, guess what, they all like nuts (and, oh, I don't normally allow wise-cracks, but I might, in this case, give my most sarcastic kid "license" to loudly ask, "Who stole all the nuts? Are we harboring a fugitive squirrel?"). If I were a nut-hoarding, Coke guzzling house guest, I'd at least be considerate enough to have brought my own nuts and soda. I'd like to think my house guests would be self-aware enough to say, "I kind of go heavy on the snacks -- let me bring some of my own." 

 

For those of you following along at home:

 

She who is known as "house guest" came into the kitchen while I was cooking dinner to ask for a "small snack of nuts to tide her over."  I explained that we had walnuts, pecans, almonds, and cashews and she proceeded to pull them all out, along with my largest plastic bowl (from which she had to dump every plastic lid I own which are stored in said bowl). I asked her to please only combine the nuts that she was going to eat because my DDs preferred not to eat nuts that have been mixed (some have salt and some don't).  She proceeded to dump the entire contents of each bag and can into the bowl, explaining that she would eat them all over the duration of her visit. The large plastic bowl was filled to the rim so she asked for a bigger bowl in order to have space to mix them.

 

She's not staying two weeks.  Saturday is my next day I don't have to work. I'll be driving her home then.

 

Eh, she's not better or worse than me, just does things differently. ha!   :laugh:

Yeah - Bye, Felicia! I think you can actually "kick family out" a little easier, and know that you can still maintain a "see you on Thanksgiving" relationship with them. The consideration goes both ways. 

 

The nuts and the soda, tell me that she is feeling very out of her element.  She is worried about having 'enough' of what she likes.  She is operating from a scarcity mentality.  If she takes ALL the nuts, has more of her favorite soda etc then she will feel more secure. Having stuff that is hers, more than would be needed, is helping her to feel better.

 

Is she perchance a hoarder, or have hording tendencies? 

 

I do wonder if she is "traveled" -- seems like she hasn't had a lot of experience of doing the "when in Rome" thing, and kind of picking up on cues about how other folks do things in their house, and is maybe needing some "security." Though I think it's fine to gently point out to adults that you can't accommodate all of that, and that her true need is not all the flipping nuts in the house or 96 cans of soda. Not meanly, just in a matter of fact kind of way, "that was all the nuts in the house until the next grocery run. Can you let me know if you have other big snack needs like that?" Or "there's not space in the fridge for that much soda/we aren't really a soda house... so you are welcomed to store a case on the (hot) back porch/in your car." 

Edited June 8, 2016 by Slojo

[Pegasus]

For your amusement:

 

Me: Once you've had your fingers all over the butter, do not place it back on the communal butter dish. Just leave it on your plate.

 

House guest: I live more casually than that.

 

Me (in thought only): Clearly.

 

House guest casting eyes in all directions.

 

Me: What do you need?

 

House guest: A napkin.

 

Me (in thought only): Those that live so casually do not need napkins. They merely lick the buttery residue from their fingers.

 

I fetched her one (singular) of the coveted paper towels from their hiding place.

[Pegasus]

Oh, one more anecdote.  In consideration of the comfort of our house guest, we adjusted our normal air conditioning thermostat setting from 79F to 75F.  Despite this, house guest is carrying a large fan and extension cord with her from room to room to blow directly on her wherever she is.

[JudoMom]

I'm barbaric, I've discovered, thanks to this thread. LOL

It's all the boys. Thanks to this thread, I've discovered my attempt to civilize them has only been an illusion.

[Katy]

For your amusement:

 

Me: Once you've had your fingers all over the butter, do not place it back on the communal butter dish. Just leave it on your plate.

 

House guest: I live more casually than that.

 

Me (in thought only): Clearly.

 

House guest casting eyes in all directions.

 

Me: What do you need?

 

House guest: A napkin.

 

Me (in thought only): Those that live so casually do not need napkins. They merely lick the buttery residue from their fingers.

 

I fetched her one (singular) of the coveted paper towels from their hiding place.

 

This is the point that I would break. I would lecture about not wanting her disgusting germs in my food, and the basic lack of consideration in even attempting something so revolting.

 

Then I would apologize (first to her, then to the kids for not following my own basic rules of civility).

 

Then I would come up with some reason to flex the time off from work and take her home immediately.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'm barbaric, I've discovered, thanks to this thread. LOL

 

Oh well good.  We'd get along well.

 

:laugh:

 

I can fake my way around more refined people, but I don't enjoy it. 

[heartlikealion]

Most of these things don't gross me out enough to be upset either... I mean, the paper towels on the counter aren't great, but they wiped clean hands so I wouldn't think of it as contaminated, just thoughtless and a bit annoying. Even the mouth on the towel thing, I'm like, ew, that's not considerate, but it wouldn't freak me out.

 

I don't think of much as being contaminated though. I mean, we're all germy. Sinks are all germy. Hands are all germy. Walls, door handles, light switches, ATM buttons, drinking fountains... all super germy. I just tend to suck it up. When we all ran out of water at the park today, I let all the kids drink from our large bottle. Not my kids, mind you. Because... oh well. Everyone is germy.

 

I'm super paranoid about sharing bottles with strangers because of things like herpes (cold sores), mono, the common cold. Herpes is for life; I'm not taking risks if I don't have to. I don't think anyone was complaining specifically about using the kitchen sink. That was more a descriptor about the situation probably.

 

I have to get onto my own family about wiping their mouth after brushing teeth with the hand towel. I don't even know why someone would start a habit of using a hand towel* for their face.

 

*I mean one that was specifically set aside for people to dry their hands.

Edited June 8, 2016 by heartlikealion

[Plink]

Paper towels and dish detergent are a small expense to pay for a content guest.  I wouldn't make a big deal of it, and would enjoy their company while it lasted. Nuts and soda, are again inexpensive, other than the mental anguish of intentionally ignoring her anxiety/selfishness.

 

If they were truly doing something horrible (leaving used toilet paper around, etc.) then I'd address it, but the use of paper towels to dry hands is hardly earth shattering.  Sure it would be nice if she'd throw them away, but again, for two weeks of company, I'd consider cleaning up just a common expense of tossing multiple adults with differing habits together.  Everyone always does something different/annoying to the others.  Family, in particular, seems to have perfected this art.

 

 

Edited June 8, 2016 by Plink

[EmseB]

For your amusement:

 

Me: Once you've had your fingers all over the butter, do not place it back on the communal butter dish. Just leave it on your plate.

 

House guest: I live more casually than that.

 

Me (in thought only): Clearly.

 

House guest casting eyes in all directions.

 

Me: What do you need?

 

House guest: A napkin.

 

Me (in thought only): Those that live so casually do not need napkins. They merely lick the buttery residue from their fingers.

 

I fetched her one (singular) of the coveted paper towels from their hiding place.

 

Is this person an adult?  This seems like such weird interaction and way of life. Who puts fingers in butter?  The only person I have in my life that would do that is my 1yo.

[zoobie]

For your amusement:

 

Me: Once you've had your fingers all over the butter, do not place it back on the communal butter dish. Just leave it on your plate.

 

House guest: I live more casually than that.

 

Me (in thought only): Clearly.

 

House guest casting eyes in all directions.

 

Me: What do you need?

 

House guest: A napkin.

 

Me (in thought only): Those that live so casually do not need napkins. They merely lick the buttery residue from their fingers.

 

I fetched her one (singular) of the coveted paper towels from their hiding place.

 

:huh:  Why would one need to put hands on butter? Do you have a countdown clock running? I guess "serve individual pats of butter" gets put on the list for next time. 

[Storygirl]

This sounds so frustrating! I would be having a really hard time with it.

 

With that said, it sounds like this person has some social skills deficits. She may not be able to adapt to new situations in a typical way. I don't think that pointing things out to her will change her behavior; she may not be able to change it.

 

I'm sorry it's so uncomfortable for you. She is probably uncomfortable, too.

[Lady Marmalade]

This thread was such a fun and enlightening read!

 

We just sent the IL's home from a quick visit during recital weekend.  I actually didn't spend much time with them now that they are gone and I'm thinking on that.  But I am reminded that I do have rules when they visit.  Normally, we use cloth napkins with meals.  All the time. I have plenty that I wash once or twice a week, and we use them whether it's just us or guests.

 

Unless that guest is FIL.

 

He always (and I mean always) blows his nose at the dinner table.  He is a refined and cultured person who thinks we have some backwards ideas, but for some reason he thinks blowing his nose at the table is okay.  But even worse, he uses my cloth napkins to do so.  :ack2:  And while the rational part of me says that I wash them anyway, I just cannot get over the fact that he does that.  I don't even want to touch the napkins to get them into the wash when he's been visiting!   So the last few times they've visited, I've bought paper napkins JUST for when they are here.  The kids are completely amused by this, and DS was pleased last night to be able to use a cloth napkin again with his taco dinner. 

 

One thing I have not seen mentioned on this thread yet is toilet usage.  :laugh:   FIL and MIL are leave the toilet seat lid up at all times people, and we are definitely a leave the lid down people.   I certainly would never actually SAY anything to them, but since our bathroom is right off the kitchen, when they come out of the bathroom, I will frequently sneak in behind them and quietly put the lid down. 

 

 

[OhanaBee]

The whole issue with the nuts is reminding me of a Thanksgiving where we had a lot more family than we usually have.....and they were all staying with us.  One of the treats we have Thanksgiving weekend is a huge bowl of Chex Mix.  I only make it that time of year, and make a quadruple recipe so that it lasts through football games and movie watching.  One member of our extended family took a liking to that Chex Mix and withing 2 hours it was gone. GONE.  No one could figure out what happened and I'm afraid I blamed the teenagers before one of them took me aside and told me that it was Relative X who had scooped a whole bunch into plastic bags and smuggled them into his room.  I had dh ask him about it [*his* side of the family, *he* gets to deal with it] and dh was told that Relative X needed to save the snack for later......in case he got hungry.

 

Because the rest of us wouldn't get hungry????

 

Now I make one medium sized bowl to put on the table for Relative X, and hide the rest of it in the laundry room [a room he never goes in].  X has loudly asked where the rest of the snack is to which I reply, "Oh, is the bowl empty so soon?  Wow, you must be really hungry!  If you need more, there's a grocery store about 5 miles down the road" *smiles sweetly*

[SproutMamaK]

She... picked up butter with her fingers? What? WHY? I don't... I would be too baffled to even think of how to respond. Has she been told yet that she's going home earlier than planned? How did that conversation go?

[happi duck]

For your amusement:

 

Me: Once you've had your fingers all over the butter, do not place it back on the communal butter dish. Just leave it on your plate.

 

House guest: I live more casually than that.

 

Me (in thought only): Clearly.

 

House guest casting eyes in all directions.

 

Me: What do you need?

 

House guest: A napkin.

 

Me (in thought only): Those that live so casually do not need napkins. They merely lick the buttery residue from their fingers.

 

I fetched her one (singular) of the coveted paper towels from their hiding place.

"I live more casually than that."

 

This cracks me up!

*files under quotable quotes*

[SparklyUnicorn]

To add, in terms of training, it's good to set people up for success.  If you don't spell out certain things (without being too much of a jerk) people will not know what you want sometimes.

 

I probably drive my MIL nuts.  My MIL is a lot like Mrs. Bouquet on Keeping Up Appearances.  I'm not German.  I'm not girly.  I'm American so I lack culture.  I don't like wine.  I don't wear makeup. She hates my shoes.  She probably hates my clothes.  She's just a miserable old bag who hates everyone anyway.  SOOO.....on top of that she often goes out of her way to make me look stupid.  For example, she knows that Americans hold their wine glasses differently and of course she thinks that is the most terrible thing ever.  So when I visited the first time she not only served wine in wine glasses so she could prove just what an unrefined arse I am, but she served it in these super tall wine glasses.  The stems were geesh literally half a meter.  HUGE.  Awkward.  Awful.  So of course I had no idea how in hell to deal with that thing.

 

I got her back by serving crunchy tacos without utensils. 

ANYHOW...my point is...don't be my MIL with your guest.  Get over the fact they don't do stuff the same way and aim to let it go so you can just have a good time.  Two weeks of watching someone do stuff that makes you nuts isn't a big deal. 

 

[Katy]

This thread was such a fun and enlightening read!

 

We just sent the IL's home from a quick visit during recital weekend.  I actually didn't spend much time with them now that they are gone and I'm thinking on that.  But I am reminded that I do have rules when they visit.  Normally, we use cloth napkins with meals.  All the time. I have plenty that I wash once or twice a week, and we use them whether it's just us or guests.

 

Unless that guest is FIL.

 

He always (and I mean always) blows his nose at the dinner table.  He is a refined and cultured person who thinks we have some backwards ideas, but for some reason he thinks blowing his nose at the table is okay.  But even worse, he uses my cloth napkins to do so.  :ack2:  And while the rational part of me says that I wash them anyway, I just cannot get over the fact that he does that.  I don't even want to touch the napkins to get them into the wash when he's been visiting!   So the last few times they've visited, I've bought paper napkins JUST for when they are here.  The kids are completely amused by this, and DS was pleased last night to be able to use a cloth napkin again with his taco dinner. 

 

One thing I have not seen mentioned on this thread yet is toilet usage.  :laugh:   FIL and MIL are leave the toilet seat lid up at all times people, and we are definitely a leave the lid down people.   I certainly would never actually SAY anything to them, but since our bathroom is right off the kitchen, when they come out of the bathroom, I will frequently sneak in behind them and quietly put the lid down. 

 

Blowing your nose at the table is rude enough, but into a cloth napkin?!?!

 

Does he think you boil the laundry in a cauldron outside like it's 1880?  Why, oh why, would anyone think that would be okay?

[Katy]

...

 

I got her back by serving crunchy tacos without utensils. 

 

...

 

 

:lol:  How did she react to that?  

[Katy]

dp

Edited June 8, 2016 by Katy

[marbel]

Blowing your nose at the table is rude enough, but into a cloth napkin?!?!

 

Does he think you boil the laundry in a cauldron outside like it's 1880?  Why, oh why, would anyone think that would be okay?

 

I would rather someone do a quick, discreet-as-possible nose blow than sit through the meal sniffling.  Not in a cloth napkin, though!

 

(But we have a lot of allergies around here so maybe I'm just used to it.) 

 

(And I know discreet nose-blow may be an oxymoron.)

 

:-)

 

[BarbecueMom]

Oh my. I think you are hosting my mother, except for the diet soda (she's asked for a DNR if the doctor ever requires her to switch to diet LOL),

 

When she lived here, we went through so much of the same thing. Messy food prep and eating, using excessive amounts of things, very 11yo childlike responses, pretending we were talking to her instead of the kids and answering funny responses before they could answer. Severely overestimating quantity and underestimating costs.

 

I don't know how to phrase this correctly, but I'm starting to realize that she has likely always had some sort of developmental challenge. She said she was very naive as a child, not always aware of what was going on around her, did not understand many jokes and innuendo until well into adulthood. Never married or really dated, other than whatever she had with my dad. She is very child-like, struggles socially except for a close group of friends and family (still more friends than I've got, ha!). As she's getting older and her eyesight and hearing isn't as sharp, some of the "sloppiness" is getting worse. I could see her in a few years grabbing a stick of butter with hands because she's no longer thinking through how to get the butter from Point A to Point B without touching it, then covering it up with an odd joke about casualness. We're not quite there yet.

 

Living with her was difficult because in order to not lose it, I had to think of her as a messy 10yo boy. And nothing good comes out of that relationship once you get to that point. We get along so much better now that we live separately. She can wipe the chicken juice and salmonella off her own counter with a dry paper towel and no bleach and I don't have to see it.

[Tita Gidge]

I would rather someone do a quick, discreet-as-possible nose blow than sit through the meal sniffling.  Not in a cloth napkin, though!

 

(But we have a lot of allergies around here so maybe I'm just used to it.) 

 

(And I know discreet nose-blow may be an oxymoron.)

 

:-)

 

 

I spent five hours on a flight last week next to a sniffler. 

 

It got so bad I wanted to offer her my shirt - anything, really - to just BLOW THE NOSE already :lol: .

[Katy]

I would rather someone do a quick, discreet-as-possible nose blow than sit through the meal sniffling.  Not in a cloth napkin, though!

 

(But we have a lot of allergies around here so maybe I'm just used to it.) 

 

(And I know discreet nose-blow may be an oxymoron.)

 

:-)

 

 

As an adult guest in someone's home I'd expect the norm to be to excuse myself to the rest room, blow my nose with a closed door, and then return to the table after washing my hands.  If my allergies were worse than that and couldn't be contained for at least 10-15 minutes with a multitude of antihistamines, I'd say I wasn't sure if my allergies were severe or if I had a cold, and I'd stay home.

Edited June 8, 2016 by Katy

[heartlikealion]

Paper towels and dish detergent are a small expense to pay for a content guest.  I wouldn't make a big deal of it, and would enjoy their company while it lasted. Nuts and soda, are again inexpensive, other than the mental anguish of intentionally ignoring her anxiety/selfishness.

 

If they were truly doing something horrible (leaving used toilet paper around, etc.) then I'd address it, but the use of paper towels to dry hands is hardly earth shattering.  Sure it would be nice if she'd throw them away, but again, for two weeks of company, I'd consider cleaning up just a common expense of tossing multiple adults with differing habits together.  Everyone always does something different/annoying to the others.  Family, in particular, seems to have perfected this art.

 

Not really. I mean, compared to say, an expensive bottle of wine or other things you might find in the home (the guest didn't ruin an expensive couch or drink an expensive bottle of wine). But on their own I don't look at them as inexpensive. We've opted not to bring nuts home from the grocery store at times because of the price. It wasn't just that the guest used paper towels, I think it was the sheer number (4 sheets at once?). Maybe I'm being petty here, but I would be quite miffed if someone hogged four containers of nuts. I have trouble bringing myself to buy one lol.

 

Edited June 8, 2016 by heartlikealion

[Lady Marmalade]

I would rather someone do a quick, discreet-as-possible nose blow than sit through the meal sniffling.  Not in a cloth napkin, though!

 

(But we have a lot of allergies around here so maybe I'm just used to it.) 

 

(And I know discreet nose-blow may be an oxymoron.)

 

:-)

 

 

Absolutely.  I would not mind a quick little nose blow to the side over snarfling and sniffling.  But a full out nose-cleaning into my hand-sewn cloth napkins...  Nothankyou.

 

To the OP, my point in sharing was that I do not try to train house guests.  Not even my ILS.  I make mental lists and try very hard to prepare for annual visits so that they are comfortable and my sanity is preserved.  Then after they leave, it provides fodder for discussion for us for weeks.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

:lol:  How did she react to that?  

 

She liked the taste and disliked the mess and touching her food.  Which is what I was going for.  :laugh:

 

Although...when I visited the next time she asked me to make them. 

[Tanaqui]

FIL and MIL are leave the toilet seat lid up at all times people, and we are definitely a leave the lid down people.   I certainly would never actually SAY anything to them, but since our bathroom is right off the kitchen, when they come out of the bathroom, I will frequently sneak in behind them and quietly put the lid down.

 

This investment may change your life.

[Pink and Green Mom]

She liked the taste and disliked the mess and touching her food.  Which is what I was going for.  :laugh:

 

Although...when I visited the next time she asked me to make them. 

 

I hope you replied "only if we can use the really tall wine glasses at the same time."

[Katy]

This investment may change your life.

 

Has anybody tried it?  Does it work?

[Lady Marmalade]

This investment may change your life.

 

:w00t:  :001_tt1:

 

Oh my.  We usually only see the toilet offenders once a year, but that might be totally worth having for when they are here!!  I can just imagine the bewilderment in FIL's face.  

[Alicia64]

We just had a high maintenance guest leave -- thank heavens we put her up in a close-by hotel (she loved the plan), but when she was here salads were elaborate and had to be made a (very) precise way, she wouldn't eat A through Z etc. etc.

 

She doesn't "feel right" if she can't get a lengthy work out in. Which I agreed with. If she didn't work out, she'd get cranky.

 

Early 50's -- I've known her since we were kids, but haven't been in the same state for a long time.

 

It got to the point where I felt awkward eating around her. She'd look at me like, "you're not going to eat that: are you?!" Well. . . yeah. (It's not about weight. For her, it's about extreme health. She's a Pilates/personal trainer.) At one point I was scarfing chocolate covered raisins in the car when she was in another car! :)

 

It just got to be too much. (Her college aged daughter goes to school 3,000 miles away. Pretty sure she needed a break. I could see the tension between the two.)

 

I think whether you have a visitor or are the visitor -- everyone needs to CHILL. (Thanks for letting me vent. I think I have PTVD -- post traumatic visitor disorder.)

 

Alley

[slackermom]

I generally train them to find a place to stay elsewhere.

[alisoncooks]

This investment may change your life.

 

What happens if you do a courtesy flush?

(What my mom used to call a mid-poop flush, LOL.)

[redsquirrel]

I had no idea closing the lid on the toilet was a must. I've never thought about it. I am pretty sure ours is always open, and I can't say I care. The seat is always down, but the lid is probably always left up. Again, I've never thought about it.

[Pegasus]

:huh:  Why would one need to put hands on butter? Do you have a countdown clock running? I guess "serve individual pats of butter" gets put on the list for next time. 

 

I definitely have a mental countdown clock running. That's helping me cope a lot, as is this thread.  There won't be a next time.  I had butter knives on the table.  I guess using her hands was just more in line with her "casual" lifestyle.

 

She... picked up butter with her fingers? What? WHY? I don't... I would be too baffled to even think of how to respond. Has she been told yet that she's going home earlier than planned? How did that conversation go?

 

Efficiency?  I dunno, really.  Yes, I told her this morning that Saturday would be the best day for me to drive her home. She seemed fine with that. I suspect the board members who are pointing out that she is probably uncomfortable and out of her element being in my home are correct.

 

I'm barbaric, I've discovered, thanks to this thread. LOL

 

Now you really need to share what parts of the thread apply to your barbarism. I had never even considered that some folks might have laundry baskets for clean clothes only. So I may be a barbarian as well.  However, I do use a knife with butter.  :laugh:

 

 

Then I would come up with some reason to flex the time off from work and take her home immediately.

 

Tempting, trust me. Actually, just having decided to take her home a week early has made everything she does more tolerable. I'm almost just waiting for her to do something else that I can post about.  Today was very tame.  I only had to request that she not feed the pork roast we prepared for dinner to my dog.

[theelfqueen]

Oh, we just lick the butter right off the plate. :laugh:

 

[Tanaqui]

The seat is always down, but the lid is probably always left up. Again, I've never thought about it.

 

Do you have a bathroom shelf above the toilet? We do - so we need it closed! There's only so many times you can fish your toothbrush and lucky bamboo out of the toilet before you snap.

 

And I don't have a self-closer myself, but it's definitely on my list of home improvements.

[redsquirrel]

Do you have a bathroom shelf above the toilet? We do - so we need it closed! There's only so many times you can fish your toothbrush and lucky bamboo out of the toilet before you snap.

 

And I don't have a self-closer myself, but it's definitely on my list of home improvements.

 

Nope. I've never had a shelf above the toilet. We have a mirror above the sink that pulls open and has shelves behind, a standard bathroom cabinet. There is plenty of room in that for all toothbrushes and accoutrements. I don't keep anything on the back of the toilet either.

[Anne in CA]

She liked the taste and disliked the mess and touching her food.  Which is what I was going for.  :laugh:

 

Although...when I visited the next time she asked me to make them. 

Spectacular... I  love this!

[Lady Marmalade]

What happens if you do a courtesy flush?

(What my mom used to call a mid-poop flush, LOL.)

 

:rofl:

 

Bwa-ha-ha!  This totally made me laugh because MIL is a multi-flusher.  She flushes before, during, and after every trip to the bathroom.(I mean, as far as I've been able to tell.  She flushes enough to keep the toilet running the entire time she's in there, I suspect to cover the noise of actually going.)  I guess she does this at home too, and always has as far as DH remembers.  That would be funny...

 

And, I totally realize that lid up/down is a personal preference.  I don't think it's a taboo either way.

[TechWife]

 I had butter knives on the table.  I guess using her hands was just more in line with her "casual" lifestyle.

 

...

 Today was very tame.  I only had to request that she not feed the pork roast we prepared for dinner to my dog.

 

How old is this person?????

[laundrycrisis]

I openly say really untactful things, ie Good Gravy that's a lotta paper towels, I'll have to go to Costco if you keep that up ! Or go eww gross and change the contaminated towel right after the mouth is wiped on it.  I will laugh about it with good humor but get my point across. 

 

I will also march out of the bathroom hollering wipe the seat, lid down !!!  audible to everyone in the house.  And that's after the lecture they get before they use the potty - flush the dooky down before any tp goes in, unless you like to plunge, because I don't. 

Edited June 9, 2016 by Laundrycrisis2

[LucyStoner]

I don't manage or try to train my guests. I also would under basically no circumstances have all but a few people for guests for more than a long weekend. My younger brother can stay two weeks. A few friends. My nieces and nephews. My dad because I can't put him out on the street. Other than that? So not happening.

[Tsuga]

Paper towels and dish detergent are a small expense to pay for a content guest. I wouldn't make a big deal of it, and would enjoy their company while it lasted. Nuts and soda, are again inexpensive, other than the mental anguish of intentionally ignoring her anxiety/selfishness.

 

If they were truly doing something horrible (leaving used toilet paper around, etc.) then I'd address it, but the use of paper towels to dry hands is hardly earth shattering. Sure it would be nice if she'd throw them away, but again, for two weeks of company, I'd consider cleaning up just a common expense of tossing multiple adults with differing habits together. Everyone always does something different/annoying to the others. Family, in particular, seems to have perfected this art.

Nuts are incredibly expensive, as is butter. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the actions of this guest. Egad. But I would put up with it because I strongly value hospitality. Future visits would be very short though.

[Tsuga]

How old is this person?????

Under 8 or over 65 being in my mind the only mitigating answers here. I mean COME ON.

Edited June 9, 2016 by Tsuga

[marbel]

:rofl:

 

Bwa-ha-ha!  This totally made me laugh because MIL is a multi-flusher.  She flushes before, during, and after every trip to the bathroom.(I mean, as far as I've been able to tell.  She flushes enough to keep the toilet running the entire time she's in there, I suspect to cover the noise of actually going.)  I guess she does this at home too, and always has as far as DH remembers.  That would be funny...

 

And, I totally realize that lid up/down is a personal preference.  I don't think it's a taboo either way.

 

 

Yesterday I checked toilet status when I walked by either bathroom.  In general, lid is up, seat down.

 

But I thought the lid was supposed to be closed before flushing, to prevent any nastiness from flying out during the flushing process.  I am not certain that's been proven to be a problem, but I do it.   But then after that... how can I say this delicately... depending on what's been flushed, it's good to check to see that nothing was left behind for the next person.  

 

So, close, reopen, and then....either close it again or leave it open, I guess. 

[Lady Marmalade]

Yesterday I checked toilet status when I walked by either bathroom.  In general, lid is up, seat down.

 

But I thought the lid was supposed to be closed before flushing, to prevent any nastiness from flying out during the flushing process.  I am not certain that's been proven to be a problem, but I do it.   But then after that... how can I say this delicately... depending on what's been flushed, it's good to check to see that nothing was left behind for the next person.  

 

So, close, reopen, and then....either close it again or leave it open, I guess. 

 

Yes.  There was a Mythbusters episode about this very thing.  It was absolutely disgusting how far those microscopic toilet water drops fly.  They tested surfaces all over the bathroom and it was quite disturbing. 

 

My DS has put his toothbrush away every single day since watching that episode.  AND he makes absolutely certain he closes the lid before flushing.