Do you attempt to train house guests? UPDATE - Msg 164

[torikei]

I hope this doesn't come out unkindly--but some of you all have a lot of rules.   :lol:

 

P.S. ... not wash your hands in the kitchen sink.  :huh:

[Pegasus]

I'm loving the comments and points of view. Keep them coming.  This thread may just keep me sane until my guest returns home.  Feel free to start skipping over my messages as I will continue to vent any (admittedly small) things that come up during her visit.

 

I knew that she likes Coke Zero and that she can drink quite a few of them. We no longer buy soda for ourselves but picked up four cases (24 cans each) to have on hand during her visit.  She wanted to stop by the store today to pick up a few more cases to be sure she didn't run out.  :confused1:

 

Each glass of soda has to have as much ice as you can cram into a glass and topped off with more ice with each successive can.  My family of 4 normally does fine with 2 ice trays, manually emptying into a freezer container whenever we use ice and refilling. There was no way my two little trays were going to keep up with her consumption so we also picked up two bags of ice today.  Finally stopped by a bakery so she could pick up her preferred bread.  The 50-cent discount loaves I buy for my DDs weren't going to suffice, I guess.  :lol:

 

Oh, did I mention that she doesn't drive?  I actually took today off work so I could get her settled and run her around.  

[goldberry]

Wait... there are really people who don't wash their hands in the kitchen sink?  Even when you are about to prepare food or something?

[Pegasus]

Wait... there are really people who don't wash their hands in the kitchen sink?  Even when you are about to prepare food or something?

 

I've really enjoyed this side-topic. While I did know that some folks don't like to use the kitchen sink for general hand-washing (during food prep is still generally done), that doesn't actually bother me.  I mentioned the kitchen sink in my OP for clarity because otherwise the reader may think that I keep paper towels in the bathroom.

[alisoncooks]

I wonder if the people who don't wash hands in the kitchen sink all have nearby powder rooms or mudrooms or laundry room sinks?  
I have none-of-the-above, so if we're painting at the kitchen table, not only do paint-y hands get washed there but also brushes and paint trays.

 

My eat-in kitchen opens to our back yard, so if someone comes in with muddy hands, they go to the kitchen sink (I'd actually prefer it to kiddos walking through the living room and hallway to get to the hall bathroom!)

 

 

[Jan in SC]

Four paper towels seem excessive. Leaving them on the counter was rude. Using the kitchen towel to wipe her mouth was- just yuck. After reading your update, I'm going to guess that you use the minimum amount of detergent possible, and she used a little more than the actual recommended amount- no big deal. Ice- I cannot imagine caring how much ice someone uses. It's just ice. Coke Zero- eh- we all have our vices. It could be expensive wine.

 

It sounds like you need to say no the next time this person needs a pace to stay.

[mom2samlibby]

Four paper towels seem excessive. Leaving them on the counter was rude. Using the kitchen towel to wipe her mouth was- just yuck. After reading your update, I'm going to guess that you use the minimum amount of detergent possible, and she used a little more than the actual recommended amount- no big deal. Ice- I cannot imagine caring how much ice someone uses. It's just ice. Coke Zero- eh- we all have our vices. It could be expensive wine.

 

It sounds like you need to say no the next time this person needs a pace to stay.

 

Ice could be a problem if you use ice cube trays and don't have a fridge that makes ice.  I wouldn't have room in my freezer right now for several bags of ice.  

[momacacia]

I'm just hoping to get my children semi-trained. Houseguests are on their own.

[Acorn]

For all you curious folk:

Our health department does not allow hand washing in the same sink for food prep or dishes.

 

School kitchens and restaurants have a dedicated hand washing only sink.

 

This in no way affects my home kitchen, but I follow the code at work.

[Arctic Bunny]

I still don't get the problem. What is the kitchen sink for? Dirty dishes, right?

 

I can understand not wanting people to come in all dirty and wash hands in the kitchen while food prep is going on. But the sink is used for washing - if not hands, then dishes, pans... I guess the glass bowl that held my marinating steak or chicken has more potential nastiness in it than my hands (unless I was doing yard work or using the toilet right before washing them).

 

Yep, growing up, that's where all the scrubbing of dirty hands was done after my dad was done working in a car, or whatever! This thread was such a coincidence. Like so many topics here, it was something I'd never thought about!

[MomatHWTK]

I would not want to spend that much energy scrutinizing everything a guest did. Her lifestyle and standards are different from yours, don't judge it as better or worse just different. 

[gaillardia]

Wait... there are really people who don't wash their hands in the kitchen sink?  Even when you are about to prepare food or something?

I'm thinking they don't wash their hands, but consider them still clean from when they used the bathroom.

 

We know people who do not use paper towels at all, ever. And the guy, who is also the primary cook, can be seen cutting meat, then accidentally cutting self pretty good, running water over cut for a minute, applying pressure for a few seconds, then going back to cutting the meat, yeah, without a bandage or gauze or anything.

That good for ya? Yum.

And while things are simmering, will take the 5 days' use kitchen towel, clutched tightly in his hand, and wipe his mouth with it since he just ate something. Now put it on the counter. EW. Uh huh.

So, if there were any rules in that kitchen it was make everything from scratch, scoff at guests who may have used canned soups once a week, and get the da*@ dogs out of the kitchen. 

[Professormom]

OK my weird thing isn't in the kitchen... it's in the laundry room. In my house we NEVER EVER EVER put dirty clothes in the clean-clothes baskets. Everyone has a hamper in their bedroom, there's even one in the guest room and one in the laundry room for catching jmisc towels and whatnot.

 

I am completely skeeved out by dirty clothes in my clean clothes baskets.

 

I know this makes me weird. I'm okay with being weird. I'm not okay with people piling dirty clothes in my baskets... which my inlaws invariably do. Then I have to bleach the baskets.

Oh great. I have never thought of that and now I can't get it out of my head. By tomorrow, we will have new clean clothes baskets :D

 

Thanks a lot :lol:

[Pegasus]

For those of you following along at home:

 

She who is known as "house guest" came into the kitchen while I was cooking dinner to ask for a "small snack of nuts to tide her over."  I explained that we had walnuts, pecans, almonds, and cashews and she proceeded to pull them all out, along with my largest plastic bowl (from which she had to dump every plastic lid I own which are stored in said bowl). I asked her to please only combine the nuts that she was going to eat because my DDs preferred not to eat nuts that have been mixed (some have salt and some don't).  She proceeded to dump the entire contents of each bag and can into the bowl, explaining that she would eat them all over the duration of her visit. The large plastic bowl was filled to the rim so she asked for a bigger bowl in order to have space to mix them.

 

She's not staying two weeks.  Saturday is my next day I don't have to work. I'll be driving her home then.

 

Eh, she's not better or worse than me, just does things differently. ha!   :laugh:

[QueenCat]

For those of you following along at home:

 

She who is known as "house guest" came into the kitchen while I was cooking dinner to ask for a "small snack of nuts to tide her over."  I explained that we had walnuts, pecans, almonds, and cashews and she proceeded to pull them all out, along with my largest plastic bowl (from which she had to dump every plastic lid I own which are stored in said bowl). I asked her to please only combine the nuts that she was going to eat because my DDs preferred not to eat nuts that have been mixed (some have salt and some don't).  She proceeded to dump the entire contents of each bag and can into the bowl, explaining that she would eat them all over the duration of her visit. The large plastic bowl was filled to the rim so she asked for a bigger bowl in order to have space to mix them.

 

She's not staying two weeks.  Saturday is my next day I don't have to work. I'll be driving her home then.

 

Eh, she's not better or worse than me, just does things differently. ha!   :laugh:

 

That's a lot of NUTS! Wow....... what did you say to that??????????????????????

[alisoncooks]

Just...wow.

[38carrots]

Wait, what kind of paper towels? The good ones or the flimsy ones? For flimsy ones 4 isn't even enough.

 

:lol:

[katilac]

OK my weird thing isn't in the kitchen... it's in the laundry room. In my house we NEVER EVER EVER put dirty clothes in the clean-clothes baskets.  

 

How many clothes baskets do you have? Do you color code? Inquiring minds want to know! 

 

It seems like you would need a lot of space for a set of 'dirty' baskets and another set of clean. dh added shelves to my lil' laundry room, and I can store exactly 6 laundry baskets. We sort the dirty clothes into them. When one is full, we empty it into the washer and put it in front of the dryer to, yes, await the now-clean clothes, lol. I can see the flaws in that plan (thanks for that), but, even if basket segregation had occurred to me, where do you keep all those baskets? Basement? 

 

You've sent us reeling here, elfqueen. Reeling. 

[theelfqueen]

I have a set of six baskets, all the same, and they nest. They are ONLY for clean clothes. They live on top of the dryer -- there's enough for everyone to have one (there's 5 of us) at the same time but they're supposed to be returned ASAP)

 

Each person has a collapsible hamper in their bedroom for dirty clothes. (There's also one in the laundry room and one in the guest room - for collecting towels, kitchen handtowels, etc.) The kids bring down their dirty clothes and their things are washed (either by them or me). The hamper is returned empty to their room... and clean clothes are folded into baskets. They put them away and return the baskets.

 

Never the twain shall meet.

 

[MaeFlowers]

I wouldn't say anything unless I was truly offended.

 

When I was 12, my bf invited me to her grandmother's new lake house. They were having a family get together and house blessing. My friend and I had been playing outside and came into the kitchen to wash our hands. All the women were in the kitchen talking around the kitchen island. When I was done washing my hands, I turned around and searched for a hand towel. I did not see one and stood there for a minute waiting for a chance to ask or for someone to notice me. When nothing happened, I took a paper towel and dried my hands. My friend's grandmother noticed and made a snarky comment about how my family must be loaded since we use paper towels to dry our hands. She turned to everyone as she said this to make a scene and a joke out of me. It was humiliating and rude.

 

The whole reason I didn't ask for a towel is because I had been taught not to interrupt people when they were talking. I have never forgotten that moment and I am 40 now. Stupid, I know.

[Tita Gidge]

 

Each glass of soda has to have as much ice as you can cram into a glass and topped off with more ice with each successive can.  My family of 4 normally does fine with 2 ice trays, manually emptying into a freezer container whenever we use ice and refilling. There was no way my two little trays were going to keep up with her consumption so we also picked up two bags of ice today.  

 

:lol: God love families!

 

I ended up in a career that required a lot of regular interaction with the clients, and long-term relationships with them.  We went beyond basic customer service stuff to the stage where you develop a love/hate because of so much time spent together. I was the most often requested consultant, and I credit that to my large family. It gave me years of practice with all sorts of personality types. Your houseguest situation is insane, and you seem to be handling it so well. You must be well-practiced, too!

 

RE: the soda. Ice in drinks was one of those things that was new to me when we moved to the US; we usually drank soda warm. I still don't keep ice at my home, and there were some awkward social situations before I clued in and started stocking it if people were coming over. I can't even taste the soda when there's that much ice in it! I have a friend who is like your houseguest. I don't get it LOL. And she won't watch me drink warm soda, she says it's just all kinds of wrong!

[Tita Gidge]

How many clothes baskets do you have? Do you color code? Inquiring minds want to know! 

 

It seems like you would need a lot of space for a set of 'dirty' baskets and another set of clean. dh added shelves to my lil' laundry room, and I can store exactly 6 laundry baskets. We sort the dirty clothes into them. When one is full, we empty it into the washer and put it in front of the dryer to, yes, await the now-clean clothes, lol. I can see the flaws in that plan (thanks for that), but, even if basket segregation had occurred to me, where do you keep all those baskets? Basement? 

 

You've sent us reeling here, elfqueen. Reeling. 

 

My mom is the Laundry Queen for four households - hers, mine, my aunt's, and the old ladies (my grandmother and her four siblings).  Mom picks up and delivers. She uses collapsible laundry baskets, and let's just say she keeps the Container Store in business because she replaces them regularly due to wear and tear. They are made of mesh and wire and aren't the sturdiest, but they're easiest to store and transport.

 

All dirty baskets are blue and all clean baskets are white. Each family has its own two sets of baskets. In my family, mom has baskets for each kid (clearly labeled in their favorite color, which coordinates with their hangers) and for towels. On laundry day she comes to pick up the laundry. Each kid will have his or her dirties in their designated blue basket with all of their free hangers. In two days those clothes are returned to our home in the kids' designated white basket or on their color hangers.

 

Mom's laundry room was separated by her master bedroom by the master closet. They converted the closet into a laundry CENTER. She hangs almost everything to dry, so there are multiple drying racks and baskets on wheels (like at the laundromat) to keep things moving. Each of these baskets on wheels is for a specific load - whites, colors, reds, jeans, kitchen towels, other towels, etc. Her laundry room is pretty big but because the baskets are collapsible they don't take up much space. As the dirty baskets are emptied, she collapses them and puts them to the side. This would be just as effective in a smaller laundry room (like mine! I collapse and store the baskets on the back of the door, using one of those over-the-door hooks.)

 

:lol: I bet my mom and elfqueen would have a lot to talk and to share!

Edited June 7, 2016 by Tita Gidge

[Tsuga]

No.

 

But I sure do feel for you. 

[LisaKinVA]

Things I use paper towels for:

 

- substitute napkin, sometimes substitute plate

- to clean off sticky messes on silverware prior to the dishwasher (such as peanut butter...it takes forever to wipe out/clean off wash rags, and the wash rag needs to be washed)  Paper towel with food is organic waste, and can be composted.

- to wipe out grease cooled from pans (the grease shouldn't go down the sink anyway, paper towel is very handy)

- other things similar to the above.

-to use with certain cleaners (stainless steel, prefer them for windows/mirrors, too), making homemade "wipes" for quick tidies of bathrooms (sink after brushing teeth, tops of toilets, bidets, counter-tops)

 

I do not like using paper towels to wipe up general messes on the counters (wasteful), or for regular hand washing.  

 

Does anyone else feel like they need instruction sheets posted everywhere, because no one can remember what goes into which trash can (I have four cans for different waste products -- as everything needs to be separated), how to clean the kitchen after dinner (example), what to do before bedtime, which trash goes out (we have different trash pick-ups Mon-Sat), and general things like that?  I realize it's a bigger deal to me -- but seriously, I can't be the only person who can truly remember these things, right?

[Melissa in Australia]

For those of you following along at home:

 

She who is known as "house guest" came into the kitchen while I was cooking dinner to ask for a "small snack of nuts to tide her over."  I explained that we had walnuts, pecans, almonds, and cashews and she proceeded to pull them all out, along with my largest plastic bowl (from which she had to dump every plastic lid I own which are stored in said bowl). I asked her to please only combine the nuts that she was going to eat because my DDs preferred not to eat nuts that have been mixed (some have salt and some don't).  She proceeded to dump the entire contents of each bag and can into the bowl, explaining that she would eat them all over the duration of her visit. The large plastic bowl was filled to the rim so she asked for a bigger bowl in order to have space to mix them.

 

She's not staying two weeks.  Saturday is my next day I don't have to work. I'll be driving her home then.

 

Eh, she's not better or worse than me, just does things differently. ha!   :laugh:

:svengo:  :svengo:  :svengo: :svengo:  

 

 

 that is very expensive. nuts here start at $21 per kg. We don't eat nuts as a snack. we sometimes buy nuts as a special present ( for DH). otherwise nuts are only for cooking and then only for cooking special things.

Edited June 7, 2016 by Melissa in Australia

[Melissa in Australia]

the laundry thing would be a ig deal here. We have tank water collected of our roof when it rains. It is stored and has to last ALL YEAR. wasting water on a single item in the washing machine is a CRIME here. Having long showers is a CRIME. Most people in Australia are aware of tank water and water restrictions though so it is easy to explain to people. we always tell guests we have limited water.

 

I never buy soda (soft drinks ) at all. if a guest was to ask for a drink they would have the choice of tea, coffee or water. Just the same as what we drink. They of course are free to get their own.

[eternalsummer]

This all sounds fairly reasonable to me  - the paper towels, the wiping (clean) face on nearest cotton towel, the different laundry habits.

 

But why would 96 cans of coke zero not be enough for 2 weeks?!  That is a lot of coke!  Is that all she drinks all day?

 

96 cans!

[nd293]

My guests have only been relatives and my gran obviously got it right because her daughters are all properly trained as are their children (my cousins)!

 

We don't do paper towels ever, so that wouldn't be an issue. I really can't imagine anyone I know thinking it's ok to wash one outfit but I would definitely say something. We just don't waste around here.

 

The only guest issue I've ever had was one who took 30 minute showers. Probably doesn't matter in the UK but here we're in a desert and encouraged to stick to 4 minutes. It killed me but it was only going to be 4 days and I figured we could each take 3 minute showers for a while to even things out 😄. I did issue an upfront reminder to the next guest that water was an issue of national importance, though!

[magnificent_baby]

I hope this doesn't come out unkindly--but some of you all have a lot of rules.   :lol:

 

P.S. ... not wash your hands in the kitchen sink.  :huh:

 

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with washing hands in the kitchen sink. In my response to the OP, it was the wiping his mouth on the towel and hanging it back up that grossed me out. Multiple times per day. (I quietly hung a new one each time). 

[Pegasus]

That's a lot of NUTS! Wow....... what did you say to that??????????????????????

 

I didn't say anything to her but I vented here instead.  :closedeyes:

 

Wait, what kind of paper towels? The good ones or the flimsy ones? For flimsy ones 4 isn't even enough.

 

:lol:

I agree on the quality of paper towels.  That's why we use cloth towels to dry our hands.  I just don't like waste.

 

 

Your houseguest situation is insane, and you seem to be handling it so well. You must be well-practiced, too!

 

 

 

Oops - I think I broke the quote.  Anyway, thanks for saying this, very sweet.  I am from a large family and was known as the "peace keeper" growing up. 

 

My mom is the Laundry Queen for four households - hers, mine, my aunt's, and the old ladies (my grandmother and her four siblings). 

 

Wow!  Is this a hobby or does she get paid? Sounds like your mom has amazing organizational skill and a true work ethic!

 

 

Does anyone else feel like they need instruction sheets posted everywhere,

 

I've actually done this a couple times, like when the in-laws were house-sitting pet-sitting for us.

 

:svengo:  :svengo:  :svengo: :svengo:  

 

 

 that is very expensive. nuts here start at $21 per kg. We don't eat nuts as a snack. we sometimes buy nuts as a special present ( for DH). otherwise nuts are only for cooking and then only for cooking special things.

 

It certainly isn't cheap.  I ballparked her "small snack of nuts" at between $30 and $40.  Fortunately, I hid the most expensive nuts, the brazil nuts which I specifically ordered as a gift for my father-in-law.

 

 

 

But why would 96 cans of coke zero not be enough for 2 weeks?!  That is a lot of coke!  Is that all she drinks all day?

 

96 cans!

Not only is it all she drinks.  She literally drinks ALL day.  She grabs 2 cans at a time from the fridge because just 1 would be consumed so quickly.  She likes them very cold and tried storing them in my freezer but I told her to remove them (they make a huge mess if they explode).  Now, she has so many crammed into the fridge that we have to shift everything around to get anything else out. 

 

 

I'm actually feeling pretty good about things this morning. First, I'm going to work so DD19 gets to manage things here for the day.  Plus, having made the decision to take her home on Saturday has really lifted my mood.  Thanks for listening, too, this thread is helping me laugh instead of cry.

[marbel]

OP, hope you make it to Saturday!

 

Re: paper towel  use.  I wonder if in areas where water is expensive and/or scarce, paper towels make more sense than washing lots of sponges, towels, etc.  I'm just musing, not feeling like looking anything up and not asking anyone to 'google that for me.'  :-) 

 

My mom was quite frugal but she used paper towels on occasion.  One thing she did was mentioned upthread - if there was just a little bit of something on the floor that wasn't going into the dustpan, she'd dampen a PT and whisk the stuff up.  Hm, I'm guessing she used PART of a paper towel, if she could get away with it.  

[Bambam]

My mom is the Laundry Queen for four households - hers, mine, my aunt's, and the old ladies (my grandmother and her four siblings).  Mom picks up and delivers. She uses collapsible laundry baskets, and let's just say she keeps the Container Store in business because she replaces them regularly due to wear and tear. They are made of mesh and wire and aren't the sturdiest, but they're easiest to store and transport.

 

All dirty baskets are blue and all clean baskets are white. Each family has its own two sets of baskets. In my family, mom has baskets for each kid (clearly labeled in their favorite color, which coordinates with their hangers) and for towels. On laundry day she comes to pick up the laundry. Each kid will have his or her dirties in their designated blue basket with all of their free hangers. In two days those clothes are returned to our home in the kids' designated white basket or on their color hangers.

 

Mom's laundry room was separated by her master bedroom by the master closet. They converted the closet into a laundry CENTER. She hangs almost everything to dry, so there are multiple drying racks and baskets on wheels (like at the laundromat) to keep things moving. Each of these baskets on wheels is for a specific load - whites, colors, reds, jeans, kitchen towels, other towels, etc. Her laundry room is pretty big but because the baskets are collapsible they don't take up much space. As the dirty baskets are emptied, she collapses them and puts them to the side. This would be just as effective in a smaller laundry room (like mine! I collapse and store the baskets on the back of the door, using one of those over-the-door hooks.)

 

:lol: I bet my mom and elfqueen would have a lot to talk and to share!

 

Do you think your mom would like to adopt me? I could use someone to come over and take care of laundry!

[Callie]

For those of you following along at home:

 

She who is known as "house guest" came into the kitchen while I was cooking dinner to ask for a "small snack of nuts to tide her over."  I explained that we had walnuts, pecans, almonds, and cashews and she proceeded to pull them all out, along with my largest plastic bowl (from which she had to dump every plastic lid I own which are stored in said bowl). I asked her to please only combine the nuts that she was going to eat because my DDs preferred not to eat nuts that have been mixed (some have salt and some don't).  She proceeded to dump the entire contents of each bag and can into the bowl, explaining that she would eat them all over the duration of her visit. The large plastic bowl was filled to the rim so she asked for a bigger bowl in order to have space to mix them.

 

She's not staying two weeks.  Saturday is my next day I don't have to work. I'll be driving her home then.

 

Eh, she's not better or worse than me, just does things differently. ha!   :laugh:

This kind of stuff is why I direct anyone wanting to visit to a local cabin, B&B or hotel.  I have not allowed (yep allowed) anyone to stay overnight in our home in at least 7 or 8 years.  It is my hill to die on.  

[Spryte]

Do you think your mom would like to adopt me? I could use someone to come over and take care of laundry!

:)

 

I vote we start the Official Tita Gidge's Mom Fan Club.

[QueenCat]

I didn't say anything to her but I vented here instead.  :closedeyes:

 

 

That was the nice thing to do; I'd have probably done the same unless it was my mom.

[Callie]

the laundry thing would be a ig deal here. We have tank water collected of our roof when it rains. It is stored and has to last ALL YEAR. wasting water on a single item in the washing machine is a CRIME here. Having long showers is a CRIME. Most people in Australia are aware of tank water and water restrictions though so it is easy to explain to people. we always tell guests we have limited water.

 

I never buy soda (soft drinks ) at all. if a guest was to ask for a drink they would have the choice of tea, coffee or water. Just the same as what we drink. They of course are free to get their own.

It would be a crime here too because I have well water.  In the summer/fall when it is dry I sometimes have to only do laundry every 3rd or 4th day.  Also my FL/HE washer would run forever with just one outfit the spin cycle would go on and on.  And too much detergent causes issues.

 

I'd also be annoyed with the paper towel being thrown on the counter and I am 48 yo and OVER cleaning up after people.  And after I asked her not to mix all the nuts and she informed that she was it would have been ugly.  Dh would have had to take her to a hotel that night.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Depending on age and other factors, IF these behaviors are a change or even an accentuation from past behavior, then they could be the first warning signs of mental decline.  (Of course, these could be lifelong habits but then they probably wouldn't be a surprise to the OP. 

[bibiche]

We don't use paper towels and it drives a certain relative crazy (he thought cloth diapering was weird enough). But he drives me crazy and I don't enjoy his visits. In the back of my mind I have simmering the idea to tell him that we are switching to "family cloth." That would take care of any return visits anyway!

 

OP: Courage! It'll be over soon.

[theelfqueen]

Tita, I'm in awe of your mother's laundry system. Proper Awe.

[Cinder]

Wow. It's gonna be a looong week!

[VaKim]

Sounds like a rude, thoughtless glutton to me. I'd never have her again, for sure! Hope you survive!

[justasque]

My mom is the Laundry Queen for four households - hers, mine, my aunt's, and the old ladies (my grandmother and her four siblings).  Mom picks up and delivers. ..

 

I am fascinated by your mom's generosity and her fabulous system!  How did it all come about?  Are there others in the family who have their area of specialization?  (My family is pretty cooperative; certain people do things like editing important things, sewing, building things, and so on, and we share cars etc., but this level of organization and cooperation really takes it to another level!)

[Anne in CA]

This thread cracked me up. Some people waste. A lot. I have had employees who never understand why they're always broke, but  I can tell from the way they waste at work that they do it at home. Many of them must have two sodas going at all times and a huge bowl of food they are eating from in the back that they never finish. The same people take a smoke break every hour, no matter how busy we are and smoke less than an inch of a cigarette, talk about an expensive habit, and throw it away. Also, they carelessly drop things (like grass fed beef so it must be thrown away) it doesn't bother them at all, to them it's an accident. No policies stop their waste. Even though I'll never rehire them or give them a good reference, they don't care. I watch people for these clues during interviews now and just don't hire anyone who must waste like that. Right now I don't have any wasters, which is awesome. People only take what they are actually going to eat or drink and consume it then. I tried to train people with other habits, but once someone is like the OP's relative they will not be trained. If they are dead broke they still waste like this. They do it right in front of their boss who has told them not to do it a million times.

 

I consider a kitchen sink to be the filthiest thing ever. All the germs from everyone's mouths go there. I don't ever do food prep of any kind at a kitchen sink, and no ones dirty hands in it bother me, lol. I clean it with bleach spray and a bleached towel every day, but I never really consider it clean. That's just damage control, lol.  I wipe down counters with a bleached towel and I rebleach it in between uses. I've done it that way since the first food handlers class I ever took. I do wash dishes with sponges, because dishes get sanitized.

[redsquirrel]

The nuts and the soda, tell me that she is feeling very out of her element.  She is worried about having 'enough' of what she likes.  She is operating from a scarcity mentality.  If she takes ALL the nuts, has more of her favorite soda etc then she will feel more secure. Having stuff that is hers, more than would be needed, is helping her to feel better.

 

Is she perchance a hoarder, or have hording tendencies? 

 

Right now the two of you are on a collision course.  You are wanting to see some restraint or control when it comes to using resources and she is using resources to help her feel more secure. You are both worried there won't be enough but responding to that in opposite ways.

 

Good luck.

[Tita Gidge]

 

Wow!  Is this a hobby or does she get paid? Sounds like your mom has amazing organizational skill and a true work ethic!

 

My mom just enjoys cleaning. She puts on music from the old country and bounces around the house lost in her thoughts but with something to show for it in the end. She had lots of kids so I think it's always been her way of zoning (us) out.

 

But laundry is her favorite. She is very particular and would just rather do it herself the 'right' way - sorting, soaking, soaping, drying, ironing ... and we're happy to let her! She has a tv in her laundry room and a nice ironing station, so she puts on some soap operas and spends the day away.

 

And yes, her organizational skills are amazing. She says when it comes to large families there's no other choice. I've actually proved her wrong when it comes to my own kids, but that's neither here nor there!  :tongue_smilie:

[Tita Gidge]

Do you think your mom would like to adopt me? I could use someone to come over and take care of laundry!

 

I tell my kids that I really lucked out in the mom department. They nod because they know.

 

Then I tell them I'm sorry but I'll never be a fraction of the woman she is.  The laugh because they know.

 

The only thing she doesn't wash are diapers. She had to hand wash ours when we were younger, because we didn't have indoor plumbing until the last few kids were born. When my baby sister no longer needed diapers, mom said she'd never wash another one again. And she hasn't! :lol:

[Tita Gidge]

I am fascinated by your mom's generosity and her fabulous system!  How did it all come about?  Are there others in the family who have their area of specialization?  (My family is pretty cooperative; certain people do things like editing important things, sewing, building things, and so on, and we share cars etc., but this level of organization and cooperation really takes it to another level!)

 

We're a big family and have always lived with, or very near, each other - by choice.  My brother lost a potential wife because she felt we were over-involved with each other. And I have friends who love my family but who regularly say that the way we work would drive them NUTS and it'd never work.  But really this is how we grew up, and how our parents grew up, etc., so it's just what we know.

 

For years I provided childcare for my siblings, which meant leaves of absences from my job and ultimately quitting it. These days I do more homework and tutoring. My brother regularly steps up to coach his nieces' and nephews' teams. My dad works with the boys on scouting. My sister is the fashionista who hands down her season-old stuff to other sisters, SILs, and nieces to enjoy. I don't know, it sounds like we're a lot like your own family.

 

Mom is her own beast LOL. She's particular about things like laundry. Because we had lived with her for years when my sons were young, she was used to adding their laundry in with hers. Plus she hated that my brother didn't sort his laundry or iron his shirts - he tossed them in the dryer for 10 minutes and hoped for the best. So she started to take his laundry in and ironing them (to her satisfaction; she irons everything, even bed sheets). When she moved out of my house this last time, she was only washing clothes. But when she moved out and I took over washing towels, it drove her crazy that I didn't fluff towels or iron cloth napkins. So she started taking those to wash and iron, too.

 

I think she does it more for herself than she does for us. We drive her crazy by doing it all wrong! :lol:

[Professormom]

The nuts and the soda, tell me that she is feeling very out of her element. She is worried about having 'enough' of what she likes. She is operating from a scarcity mentality. If she takes ALL the nuts, has more of her favorite soda etc then she will feel more secure. Having stuff that is hers, more than would be needed, is helping her to feel better.

 

Is she perchance a hoarder, or have hording tendencies?

 

--

 

Good luck.

This is exactly what I was wondering too!

[eternalsummer]

I just can't figure out the diet coke thing.

 

that's 7 plus cans a day of coke.  

 

Do her eyelids twitch?  Do other people regularly consume this much caffeine and I just haven't ever met them?

 

I agree with a PP (I feel like it was an animal avatar) that maybe she is searching for security.  I know that I've visited other households before, like my mom's for instance, and bought way more than I needed of something I was used to having regularly - black tea, or fizzy water, or baby wipes, or something - partially because I wasn't really sure how much I used in a day, since at home I always had a stockpile so I never came close to running out.

 

 

Also I will admit to using a lot of the nicest paper towels (those Viva ones, but the store brand version) and reusing them if it was just for water or wiping clean hands or something.  Makes DH crazy - he prefers the sponge method - but I like to have it as a sort of barrier between me and the mess.  I also use spray cleaner for everything, even if it's just a crumbly mess.

 

Unless your trash can is one of those cleverly hidden in a cabinet ones I dunno why she'd leave them on the counter, though.

[Annie G]

OP, with the amount of caffeine and artificial sweeteners in Coke Zero and the amount your guest consumes, her behavior might be linked to that. She's got quite the caffeine and chemical load. Or maybe she just the World's Worst Houseguest...that's actually much more likely.