s/o extracurriculars - what's your philosophy

[debi21]

I am always interested in the extracurricular threads, but here's what I've been thinking about lately...

 

Is your philosophy as to the purpose of extracurriculars more A. developing kid's strong passion/interest and pursuing his strengths or B. broadening horizons and/or making kid more well-rounded by pursuing weaknesses/gaps? Does your answer depend on the age of the child?

 

If your child is doing an extracurricular that he's not particularly great at, that s/he likes but doesn't love (but seems to like everything), do you keep on going with that or try something new? If you change activities, how long do you give it? Do you think there is long-term benefit in sticking with something you are mediocre at, for example sports for a naturally academic/nerdy/uncoordinated kid?

 

I realize there are some who base it on cost, potential for social interaction, availability and other reasons but if you have considered the above, I'd love to know others' opinions.

 

 

Thanks,

 

[KarenNC]

All of the above. :)

 

Broadening horizons was a bigger factor when my daughter was younger, into middle school. When funds, affordable options, and time were available, we took advantage of as wide a variety of activities as possible. Some we gave up pretty quickly if she didn't have an abiding interest, especially if there was a significant cost in time, funds, or aggravation. Some unexpected passions have developed as the result of taking advantage of an opportunity---theatre work came from an invitation by her art teacher to help paint sets, and now she wants to major in tech theatre. In high school, it's interest-focused.

 

The only thing we really insisted she continue when she went through a "I don't know if I really want to do this" as a pre-teen was aikido because it's a thing she does along with my husband, it's a physical activity (she doesn't gravitate toward those in general), and self-defense skills were desirable. She reached a point where she now really enjoys it and is helping teach newer students (children and adults). This is also the one that has consistently required the most commitment (monthly fee and a 45-min one way drive several times a week).

Edited June 2, 2016 by KarenNC

[Farrar]

My philosophy is follow the child's lead. I have one who has that sort of deep passion and would do his extracurricular more. I have another who has interests, but has gone more broad than deep. When they were younger, we tried out things more, but that was as much about having more time, the extracurriculars taking less time, and being much cheaper. But I've always followed their lead.

 

My other philosophy is that they must have at least something physical. Even if it's just on the side, even if it's just a weekly basketball game with friends or something. Just, something that's set and routine that's a sport or physical activity.

[SKL]

I'll put them in chronological order.

 

Toddler age:

• Introduction to group learning.

Preschool age:

• Vocabulary, body awareness, basic large muscle skills.
• Survival skill [swimming]

Preschool to early school age:

• Building strength, stamina, basic sports skills.
• Experiencing different adult teaching/coaching styles.
• Trying everything to know what it is (cultural knowledge) and see if anything sticks.
• Cognitive benefits of music and movement.

School age:

• Learning team play / experiencing team competition.
• Cognitive benefits of fast / skilled / coordinated play.
• Cognitive benefits of carrying through on a complex sequence.
• Physical fitness.
• Survival skills [swimming and martial arts].
• Working toward a long-term goal.
• Following child's interest / passion.
• Social connections.
• Future potential for job prospects.
• Something healthy that we can do together.

When my kids were younger, I fillled up the schedule year-round with everything that would fit.  Now we're following a more seasonal approach, so we can focus more without trying to do too much.

 

Up until recently, I mostly picked based on what I thought they'd like and benefit from, but now I let them weigh in more.  I do insist that they are active every day.  It's OK with me if that is 7 days of swim or 7 different things (assuming we can fit them in with other priorities).  One of my kids would do 7 days of horse riding and nothing else, but at $50/lesson, that's not gonna happen.  :)  I do insist that we all stay in TKD until we are black belts, at least.  :)

[Mrs Twain]

We do sports as extracurriculars more than any other type of activity. Dh and I steer the kids toward sports for which they have some natural ability. The way to have fun in a sport is to be good at it, and the better the kids are, the more fun they will have.

 

Physiologically, it is better for kids to do a variety of sports at least until about middle school age. Age 11 or 12 is a good time to chose a sport to specialize in because the physical and mental development at this age allow them to make large gains quickly. I have tried to help my kids find those one or two sports to concentrate on by about middle school so they have a chance to excel and make a high school varsity or even possibly a college team. Each child having a special sport has been very meaningful to them, and I am glad about the time we have spent in sports.

 

Even if my kids don't have high school or college team interests, sports are still important to help them stay physically fit and develop a habit of exercising.

 

One of my kids is less inclined toward sports and more inclined toward STEM interests, so I am looking for camps or a club for her to pursue those interests.

[Targhee]

C. getting them out there with other people to have fun, see what both they and others can do when they put forth the effort

 

If the kids are passionate we support it as best we can. If they aren't we don't make them persist (unless they've committed to a team/group and then we fulfill our commitment). The only exception is that I do want my kids exercising in some way, so that may be with or without a group/coach/program.

 

I want my kids to have a fulfilling childhood, not just a FULL childhood.

[redsquirrel]

It's not much of a philosophy, lol.  I just wanted them to try a bunch of different things.  And then a few things I insisted they take on, like swimming. I shelled out for years of swimming lessons because I consider that a life skill. I also insisted they study piano, beginning at age 5.  They both like music very much and have also studied flute, french horn, drums, guitar etc. I signed them up for children's choir, again, because I think everyone can benefit from a couple years of that.  It was a very good experience for them both.

 

We tried sports, but it became painfully clear that my kids aren't into sports.  My older boy liked the idea of dance, after we took him to his first production of Nutcracker, and that stuck. He has been dancing ever since.  His younger brother has grown up with it and is also dancer. If anything, the younger boy is more focused on dance than my older boy.

 

Mostly I wanted them to find something that could be an organizing activity once they were in late middle school or high school. I didn't care if it was martial arts,coding,baseball, or theater, but I wanted them to have that community.  In my limited experience, kids who have a group to be a part of do better academically. And the kinds of kids they meet have all been good people.

[LMD]

I insist on music as important as any school subject.

 

I value downtime and peaceful, calm family time. I will not sign up for something that requires multiple lessons/practice times a week (btdt).

I haven't found a sport yet that fits our values or schedule so we do incidental, family based activity. Pool, tennis, bike riding, walks etc.

I would possibly like to get the kids into either swimming or martial arts in the next couple of years, but it's not a high priority.

[Guest]

It is totally what they want. That being said, they may not know what they like, so I am not afraid to offer suggestions. Neither of my kids are into organized team sports, so I would never push that. They have done a low key PE class with friends that they like. They both enjoy swimming. And we do 4-H which is great socialization. I personally love that our 4-H does the Danish scoring, so they basically compete against themselves. They are active and having fun. Neither is super competitive, but likes to do well at whatever they do.

[Aurelia]

A. developing kid's strong passion/interest and pursuing his strengths or B. broadening horizons and/or making kid more well-rounded by pursuing weaknesses/gaps? Either or both, depending on age. When DD was small, my focus was more on broadening horizons and and making her more well-rounded/shoring up weaknesses. Now, I still want her to be well-rounded, but she also has her own passions and interests and her activities reflect that. 

 

 

[KarenNC]

I haven't found a sport yet that fits our values or schedule so we do incidental, family based activity. Pool, tennis, bike riding, walks etc.

I would possibly like to get the kids into either swimming or martial arts in the next couple of years, but it's not a high priority.

 

If you want a martial art that isn't a sport (seminars rather than tournaments, for instance, and the ultimate goal is peaceful resolution with the least harm to either party), check out aikido.  http://www.usaikifed.com/about/aikido/  The link is to the US Aikido Federation site, but there are dojos in Australia. Look for one affiliated with http://www.aikikai.or.jp/eng/ .  A list of recognized groups by country http://www.aikikai.or.jp/eng/about/organization.html

Edited June 3, 2016 by KarenNC

[Jackie]

Even a year ago, I would have said broadening horizons. Then with a host of other issues, the absolute need for regular physical activity became the main driving force; DD was often in two ECs per day this past winter in order to get her energy out to stabilize moods and sleep schedules.

 

Now it is a combo of whatever is necessary to keep energy/moods/sleep stabilized, her interests, and a general desire to have things she can work on that aren't academic. Plus instrument lessons, because, well, music is good.

[boscopup]

I'd say mostly A here. I have two who play hockey and are good at it. Another one played hockey for a bit, but it was very clear that he does not need to be playing any team sport, for the sake of the team. We tried karate with him. It was ok, but he didn't put much effort into it. Now he's doing no ECs, and I'm ok with that. He has speech therapy once a week, and my sanity can't take being out away from home all the time. We'd never get school done. My kids get plenty of physical activity playing outside with the neighbor kids who are also homeschooled. They run around, ride bikes, climb trees, play in the creek that's about knee deep, etc. So I'm not worried about them not having ECs right now. When the non-team player gets older, he might find an interest to pursue that doesn't involve teams. Right now, he needs more time climbing trees. :)

 

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[eternallytired]

I want my kids to have a range of experiences and started out pulling from a wide variety of activities, but since we learned that we burn out with too many extracurriculars (like the spring we were in choir, gymnastics, soccer, and Bible study) and since money isn't unlimited, I've started limiting each kid to two extracurriculars of their choice.  My current goal is for their extracurriculars to provide them with a hobby that they can pursue at least into college if not adulthood--particularly for the community aspect mentioned by a PP.  I've tried to consciously provide instruction and experiences at home to shore up weak areas and fill out their experiences.

 

Everyone will be required to learn to read music at a basic level; whether that's through sustained choir or music lessons or my tutoring will depend on the child.  Everyone is required to have some basic sports knowledge/skills--but since soccer ate us alive (two weekly evening practices plus an hour-long weekend game per kid = a LOT time commitment) and their favorite aspect of it was the post-game snack, I'm content to play soccer or volleyball or basketball or catch or do cartwheels and handstands in the yard.  Oh, and DH insists that everyone learn to swim well--not just surviving in the water like I do--so they take lessons every summer (but that works out well, since pretty much everything else is on summer break).

 

ODS is currently pursuing his passion for music with guitar lessons and choir.  DD is debating if she's going to continue choir and dance or switch one of those for gymnastics.  YDS is in choir and has no desire to add anything else at the moment.

[Seeking Squirrels]

My intent with extra curriculars is to give them the opportunities to pursue these things. I never got to do such things when I was young. I showed potential at piano at 2 years old but didn't begin lessons until I was 16. I have always wondered where I could have gone with that if I'd started at 5 instead.  I wanted to do gymnastics sooo bad, but didn't get to try until I was 15 and it only lasted a couple of months. It felt too awkward being in a beginners class with 6 year olds. 

 

Swimming is a requirement for the sake of learning, but they both love it, so that works out. I want them each to get at least two years of piano to get the basics of reading music down but I won't force it after that. 

 

Beyond that, we go off of their interests. I want them to find what they enjoy and maybe find a real passion. If they find something they really excel at and want to pursue deeper, then we will do our best to do so. But if they never do and they just move around to various things, that's okay too. At least they will have been given the exposure to it and the chance to try. And hopefully they will have had an enjoyable experience and some exercise or education as well. 

 

 

[SevenDaisies]

I think my philosophy is more in line with A. I let them try a variety of things when they were younger to see what they enjoyed. My oldest had to specialize early because of the nature and cost of her sport and the fact that it has no off-season. She loved doing everything, but it wasn't possible to keep it up - especially as the younger two started activities. My younger two have both specialized young simply because they both really enjoyed baseball/softball, although their sport allows plenty of off-season time to do other things as they desire.

 

All three have started piano lessons in the last year, and while I didn't force anyone to start, I strongly encourage them to continue.

[SporkUK]

My main focus these days is connection, community, and wider opportunities than I can give. I wouldn't specifically put them into something because they were 'weak' in an area but I do suggest things that get them connected to the community and give them the opportunities to do or learn from those they would not be able to do otherwise which I guess could be seen as a 'gap' for them. 

[SKL]

I will put this out there.  One of my daughters has always been decidedly un-athletic.  However, I put her in activities on an almost daily basis, and she does what she can.  This year she earned the National Fitness Award (above 50th %ile in each of 5 areas of physical fitness).  She is no longer the slowest runner and she can do some things many of her classmates can't.  She finally started to really support her soccer team this spring.  She also found an interest she loves (horse riding) which requires some physical fitness to do well.  If I had not "pushed" her into the activities year after year, she would not be able to keep up with her peers in some socially important respects and she would feel awkward.  So I feel that I was doing the right thing.  She would rather read a book than do gymnastics or TKD, but sometimes Mom knows best.  I also don't let my other kid refuse to read just because she likes gymnastics a lot better.  :)

[PeterPan]

If the kid is nerdy/awkward/whatever as you say, then I would pick something for physical fitness that you think is realistic for him to enjoy as a lifelong sport, and I would stick with it.  I would NOT keep him in something that reinforces his self-view as awkward, incapable, etc.  If he's awkward at basketball, only do it once a week in a Y camp each year and move on, kwim?  Like that's exposure but it's not emphasizing it.  That same kid COULD have another sport that would be a lifelong pleasure for him!  You'll have kids who are awkward on land who are beautiful on ice or on a horse or in the water.  You just never know.  So I personally would not keep him beyond a season or year in something that is truly not a good fit. 

 

Fwiw, my ds has some SN (special needs) and is slower to learn sports things because of the motor planning.  I *do* put him in and keep him in.  But I seem him making progress and having a positive, affirming experience, even if his timeline is slower than someone else's, kwim?  If someone is not having that positive, affirming experience, I would take the summer and try a week each of a variety of experiences using day camps, see what clicks, THEN make a path for fall.  I really think you can find something that will be lifelong for him.  Might be biking or something you're not anticipating.  I'm looking into triathlon for my ds.  There's so much out there.  Golf, has he tried golf?  Ultimate frisbee.  Indoor soccer.  Weight lifting. ...

[PeterPan]

I will put this out there.  One of my daughters has always been decidedly un-athletic.  However, I put her in activities on an almost daily basis, and she does what she can.  This year she earned the National Fitness Award (above 50th %ile in each of 5 areas of physical fitness).  She is no longer the slowest runner and she can do some things many of her classmates can't.  She finally started to really support her soccer team this spring.  She also found an interest she loves (horse riding) which requires some physical fitness to do well.  If I had not "pushed" her into the activities year after year, she would not be able to keep up with her peers in some socially important respects and she would feel awkward.  So I feel that I was doing the right thing.  She would rather read a book than do gymnastics or TKD, but sometimes Mom knows best.  I also don't let my other kid refuse to read just because she likes gymnastics a lot better.  :)

 

This actually brings up a really serious point!  If a dc is "awkward" or maybe has some motor planning or has been avoiding things, they might be weak.  It might not be FUN at first to go in and do things.  They might be better in a 12 week fitness class for teens at the Y where they work on just getting more active and strong overall. Then go into the other things and be more successful.

[closed]

Mostly being well-rounded for us, because my kids do not yet have a 'passion'. If they did find one, that would take precedence over what we do now. My oldest is in the situation you describe with our main sport - he is okay but not great, and I think he would drop it if I did not subtly encourage him. My main reason for wanting him to continue with it (aside from learning to be coached and to play for a team) is to build competency at the sport. The benefit (theoretically) is that if the skill-set is there, he will be able to play as long as he wants, after he gets old enough to truly make the decision for himself. It is hard to join some things at the beginner level after a certain age, and I would like him to have the option to continue with this one.

Edited June 3, 2016 by quercia

[Mrs Twain]

Someone mentioned getting kids into triathlons. 

 

One of my less aggressive kids (i.e. not natural as a soccer player) is doing swimming mostly.  Last year she entered a mini-triathlon for kids and had a great time.  It was hard work to prepare, but it gave her a great sense of accomplishment.

[SKL]

If the kid is nerdy/awkward/whatever as you say, then I would pick something for physical fitness that you think is realistic for him to enjoy as a lifelong sport, and I would stick with it.  I would NOT keep him in something that reinforces his self-view as awkward, incapable, etc.  If he's awkward at basketball, only do it once a week in a Y camp each year and move on, kwim?  Like that's exposure but it's not emphasizing it.  That same kid COULD have another sport that would be a lifelong pleasure for him!  You'll have kids who are awkward on land who are beautiful on ice or on a horse or in the water.  You just never know.  So I personally would not keep him beyond a season or year in something that is truly not a good fit. 

 

Fwiw, my ds has some SN (special needs) and is slower to learn sports things because of the motor planning.  I *do* put him in and keep him in.  But I seem him making progress and having a positive, affirming experience, even if his timeline is slower than someone else's, kwim?  If someone is not having that positive, affirming experience, I would take the summer and try a week each of a variety of experiences using day camps, see what clicks, THEN make a path for fall.  I really think you can find something that will be lifelong for him.  Might be biking or something you're not anticipating.  I'm looking into triathlon for my ds.  There's so much out there.  Golf, has he tried golf?  Ultimate frisbee.  Indoor soccer.  Weight lifting. ...

 

Yes, we did quit stuff she actually hated.  Usually she doesn't "feel like" starting but she enjoys it, and even misses it when it ends.  We didn't do theater camp this year because she was clear that she really disliked it (she's done it enough to know) - even though my other kid loves it.  We dropped dance because the classes weren't fun, though they kinda like dancing.  I gave her the option of dropping gymnastics this year, but she decided to stick it out one more year.  I would add that all of our activities are "rec level" and they are positive environments.  As far as I know, nobody has ever given her grief for not being skillful, and she isn't the oldest at her level in any sport.  There are much bigger classmates / teammates who have a great attitude, so that's really helpful.  We also do some things she's better at - music, book stuff - so it balances out.

 

When I said she'd be awkward, I was talking more about hanging out with school or camp peers, who like to do sporty things at break time and like to talk sports.  When I was a kid, I had no idea what people were even talking about half of the time.  It is a disadvantage I can help with.

 

[SKL]

This actually brings up a really serious point!  If a dc is "awkward" or maybe has some motor planning or has been avoiding things, they might be weak.  It might not be FUN at first to go in and do things.  They might be better in a 12 week fitness class for teens at the Y where they work on just getting more active and strong overall. Then go into the other things and be more successful.

 

My kid is 9, so a little young for that approach.  Up to this age, activities like swimming and rec gymnastics suit a similar purpose.  Even running around on the soccer field.  Another thing that would really help would be swinging on the swings, but my kid doesn't like doing that for some reason.  Oh, and horse riding.  :)

 

[Seeking Squirrels]

This actually brings up a really serious point!  If a dc is "awkward" or maybe has some motor planning or has been avoiding things, they might be weak.  It might not be FUN at first to go in and do things.  They might be better in a 12 week fitness class for teens at the Y where they work on just getting more active and strong overall. Then go into the other things and be more successful.

This is my DD7, but she doesn't quite realize it. She loves soccer but she's awkward and unfocused on the field (ADHD and SPD). Not a big deal in the younger age groups when they are all just running around the field and even picking flowers and spinning. I worry as she gets older though and her peers start caring more about strategy and skill and wanting to WIN and she just can't keep up.... Next season she'll be 8 which branches out to cover two years rather than just one, so it will be 8 and 9 year olds and by spring some 10 year olds. She begged to do soccer next year so we signed her up, but I'm a little worried how it's going to go.

 

Tumbling is so much better for her. It's individual so her performance doesn't affect her peers and her OT says it has been great for her. She is much more coordinated now than before we started regular tumbling. Maybe soccer will go smoother than I'm anticipating. 

[J-rap]

I think early on it's to broaden their horizons, expose them to a lot of different things.  As they get older and their interests become more focused, it's to help them be able to do what they love to do, and get better at it (if they want to get better at it;  if they're only in for fun, that's fine too).

 

 

[Donna]

When the kids were young, they were each involved in multiple extracurricular activities to introduce them to a variety of different options…various sports (individual and group), martial arts, music, and dance were some options. Some activities they excelled at and others they were mediocre at but it didn't really matter. They gained some sort of skill doing each activity even if it was a more personal or social skill. If they began something, they completed a season (or year) of it but then none ever begged to quit in the middle of something so not sure what we would have done.

 

As they got older, they dropped some activities and tried others but eventually each of them slowly migrated to something they loved (this came at different ages...from very young to 10th/11th grade depending on the child ) and that thing gradually took up more and more of their time requiring them to make decisions on how they wanted to spend their time. At that point it was more about following a passion and time/cost constraints limited their involvement in other things.

[zaichiki]

My philosophy is definitely broadening horizons. Sometimes I will encourage them to try to strengthen weaknesses or I will suggest an activity that will fill a gap. Extracurricular activities also include a kid’s passion/interest, especially as they get older. When my kids were younger, they always liked trying something new. (As teens they are a lot pickier about how they spend their time.) 

 

If my child is doing an extracurricular he/she’s not great ad, but likes it, I will strongly encourage him/her to keep going with it. One of my favorite “soft†skills to develop is feeling comfortable with not being the best: it’s a necessary life skill. Another skill I value is persistence: my kids know the most important outcome, to me, is improvement after effort. 

 

I feel strongly that there is long-term, lifelong, benefit from sticking to something one is mediocre at (like sports for the non-sporty). I have looked, specifically, for extracurricular activities at which my children do not excel.

 

My oldest, as a young one, enrolled in several types of sports classes and teams every year.  He quit them all by 12, when it became difficult, socially, to be the only one on the team who wasn’t passionate and practicing that one sport year-round (plus I didn’t like the over-competitive, pushy, cursing coaches, so I made it a point to offer new extracurricular options). This guy participated in 4H and competed in alpaca obstacle courses, showing goats, and a poultry show (where his pullet won Reserve Breed Champion – this was a very cool surprise!). He also studied cello for 9 years, participating in orchestra and chamber music. (He quit that as he entered high school because he didn’t love it and chose to put that time into the Robotics team and studying.) He’s been on a Debate team and on his school’s Robotics team. He’s tried a lot of things that he liked at the time, but by the time they get older, they tend to narrow down how they want to spend their time.

 

My second oldest also did many types of sports (gymnastics, ballet, soccer, basketball, swim team, springboard diving, and Irish stepdancing). She was also involved in 4H and boy was she good at every animal-related thing she tried (this was quite a surprise to us). She absolutely loved each activity as she was doing it, but again, as she got older she chose to narrow down what she was spending her time doing and chose to pour more time into her passions. She’s heavily involved in classical music.

 

My third tried the cello for a couple of years.  He tried karate for a couple of years. He spent some time taking dog training classes and wished to get involved in agility, but we don't have the right dog for this at the moment. He thinks he would like sports, and I should really get him more involved in that to strengthen weaknesses), but the more kids I have the harder it is to get everyone to a number of extracurricular activities every week (time and money). As is typical, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, but this one is very quiet. I think Boy Scouts and tennis are next for this guy.

 

My youngest has tried dance, an art class, and now violin lessons. She loves everything she tries and has a long list of classes she *needs* to sign up for (ballet, Irish stepdancing, karate, painting, theater, swimming, etc.). If it was up to her she’d try everything all at once! Heh. I’d need to be a billionaire just to pay for this child’s list of coveted extracurricular activities!

[Tsuga]

I'll put them in chronological order.

 

Toddler age:

• Introduction to group learning.

Preschool age:

• Vocabulary, body awareness, basic large muscle skills.
• Survival skill [swimming]

Preschool to early school age:

• Building strength, stamina, basic sports skills.
• Experiencing different adult teaching/coaching styles.
• Trying everything to know what it is (cultural knowledge) and see if anything sticks.
• Cognitive benefits of music and movement.

School age:

• Learning team play / experiencing team competition.
• Cognitive benefits of fast / skilled / coordinated play.
• Cognitive benefits of carrying through on a complex sequence.
• Physical fitness.
• Survival skills [swimming and martial arts].
• Working toward a long-term goal.
• Following child's interest / passion.
• Social connections.
• Future potential for job prospects.
• Something healthy that we can do together.

When my kids were younger, I fillled up the schedule year-round with everything that would fit. Now we're following a more seasonal approach, so we can focus more without trying to do too much.

 

Up until recently, I mostly picked based on what I thought they'd like and benefit from, but now I let them weigh in more. I do insist that they are active every day. It's OK with me if that is 7 days of swim or 7 different things (assuming we can fit them in with other priorities). One of my kids would do 7 days of horse riding and nothing else, but at $50/lesson, that's not gonna happen. :) I do insist that we all stay in TKD until we are black belts, at least. :)

SKL and I are on almost the exact same page.

 

I have social kids. A shy kid would be asked to find a sport and music. I would not force competition or performance if it could not be bribed. Maybe once a year performance for family except in extreme cases of shyness.