DD6 and endless tears

[Tranquility7]

I know I shouldn't write a post when I'm at the end of my rope, but....!

 

The frequency of tears from DD6 is driving me insane. It seems like she cries a hundred times a day. I remember being young and crying easily, but she has me waaaaay beat!

 

I don't mean crying about school, or even really obedience - she doesn't generally cry about things I tell her to do (we have dealt with that as disobedience and complaining). As examples, in the last thirty minutes she has cried about these things:

- She tried to tell DS9 something and he didn't understand what she meant. He tried to get her to explain more, but she just cried.

- DD2 dropped a tiny bit of oatmeal on DD6's napkin at the table. So DD6 cried.

- DS9 referred to the "pink" pony on DD6's shirt. So DD6 cried because she says it is purple, not pink.

- I told her to get her shoes out of the closet, but apparently there was a heavy box blocking the closet from opening. Does she come and tell me that? No. She just cries.

- She couldn't find her book that she wanted to read. So she cried about it.

 

I have tried SO hard to be patient with her about it, and to help her learn how to control of herself. I listen to her, I talk to her, I encourage her, I remind her that she needs to use words, blah, blah, blah... I am definitely not a coddler by nature, but I know she is sensitive (as I was/am) and I don't want to crush her heart (I remember times when I felt misunderstood or harshly treated at her age and I never want to make her feel that way). But honestly, the tears are wearing my very last nerve! I am at the point where I just want to discipline her for it, and tell her to GET OVER IT, and KNOCK IT OFF!

 

So... how can I deal with this better? And how can I avoid completely losing my mind in the process?

[OneStepAtATime]

Have you had her get a full physical? Could she have sensory issues or processing issues or food allergies or something like hypoglycemia?

[OneStepAtATime]

It just seems to me there is a possibility this may not be just needing to learn appropriate behavior techniques but maybe something else underlying the extreme emotions.

[NoseInABook]

I want to say there's a hormonal surge at age 6 that makes kids more likely to cry. Both of my daughters turned into weepers at 6 and they were NOT before. Over the most ridiculous things like they couldn't find their shoes. Or I said their name the wrong way. Or someone looked at them funny...  It evened out during years 7/8 but my 8.5 year old is starting to get weepy again as she nears 9 and is closer to puberty.

Edited May 31, 2016 by NoseInABook

[EKS]

My son was a crier at about that age.  It drove me nuts.  I finally decided that he had control over it, so I took his screens away for a month.  He was not allowed to cry about anything ridiculous during that month or the time would reset.  Miraculously, he stopped crying.

 

 

[MotherGoose]

Maybe it's time to tell her to knock it off and to get over it (as nicely as possible). Perhaps the coddling has helped create this? I'm saying this to you nicely, no snark intended. I wish I could be as sensitive to my kids... I empathize a bit but if the hysterics continue, I tell them to knock it off.

[mamiof5]

For a while our ds went through this, can't remember if he was about that age? It was bad...I couldn't talk to him, at all...he cried. I had to start asking him to go to his room if he had the need to cry, he could do it there and come back when he was done. After maybe a week of having to walk all the way to his room (we have a 2 story house) it got better. I cuddle my kids, I try to be sympathetic, I can even deal with a little crying/whining here and there...I try to acknowledge we are all human and have our days (or ups and downs from hormones etc)...but when they cry because you look at them? They need to spend some time alone and pray about it. Also, is she getting enough sleep? Lack of sleep affects our kids badly. Any major changes? Even if it's a change of schedule/routine (from school to summer schedule etc) kind of throws them off a bit.

ETA: when ours are going through it, or more fighting/bickering etc and there's no apparent reason I just tell them they need to go to bed earlier and get more rest. Maybe their reactions is a way for their body to yell out "I'm tired!!!". That has helped too...at times of course :)

Edited June 1, 2016 by mamiof5

[lexi]

My dd is 5. She is like this right now also.

She dropped her water bottle so she stood there and cried about it (instead of just picking it up-and it didn't even spill)!

If you look at her wrong she sobs. It is nuts!!

But I do remember her sister being the same way at that age. Every. Single. Thing. Pushed her over the edge.

I just grit my teeth and try to calmly solve her problems and help her think of ways to respond. I do hope she learns to just get a grip soon though!

I've also noticed that she sometimes needs a nap (and she hasn't napped in a few years). So I don't know if it's related to a growth spurt or something.

But I'm right here with you. My kid is a wreck right now. I'm so very over it but I'm trying to smile and be patient. Sigh. Parenting is so hard and so confusing!!

[fralala]

I don't have any advice, but wanted to say that I have had a similar issue with my 6 year old daughter. She has always been sensitive, but it seems like her ability to control her negative emotions has suddenly eroded, and then she feels rotten about herself because she doesn't like her crying, falling-apart self either. ("Why did I do that? WAAAAH! I hate myself!")

 

I talked to her about it and asked her for ideas about how she might control herself in the moment, and she suggested that every time she could potentially cry about something and doesn't, perhaps I should give her some candy, and then she would put it in a bowl, and at the end of the week, she could choose any piece she wants.

 

Ha. No. I pointed out that if she can stop herself for candy, it is within her control to stop herself, period. But she did have a point, which is that for her, rewards work very well, even if the only reward is my noticing every time she doesn't dissolve into tears, and giving her a high five. For some, it might be coddling, but when I stepped up the punishments for awhile it seemed to make things worse.

[luuknam]

My youngest sometimes has days he's like that, and it's pretty much always lack of sleep (or constipation, though that hasn't been much of an issue lately). Extra frustrating when I know he needs extra sleep and I try to get him in bed at a reasonable time and he keeps coming downstairs, etc for hours (and a consequence of "no electronics time tomorrow if you don't quietly stay in your room now" just ends ups with crying and him loosing the electronics time and still staying awake). He's allowed to read in bed, but the last week or two have been insane (heat wave probably is not helping either.

[Hobbes]

My sunny, good natured 6yoDD has been much more complicated and moody for the past few months. Not so much crying, but definitely more sensitive and touchy. DH and I were discussing this phenomenon and he reminded me that our older DD was also a complicated soul at 6, but she is now in a steady, pleasant stage.

 

I try to walk the line between compassion and training for resilience. Haven't really figured out exactly where that line is...

 

ETA: The "you clearly need more rest" approach has worked well in many cases and seems to encourage her to control her responses where she can. I like it because it is inherently compassionate, offering helpful support even if she doesn't like the suggestion. Though at times she has willingly headed up to bed!!! I also try to talk about appropriate response: "This is a very upsetting thing, I can understand why you are crying" vs. "This may bother you, but it is not appropriate to cry over it. Please use words to tell me how you are feeling." Sometimes kids just don't have great perspective on the severity of events.

Edited June 1, 2016 by indigoellen@gmail.com

[Peaceful Isle]

Sounds like my 14 yr old right now, lol. 

[eternalsummer]

I have always waited out this phase (without much reaction either positive or negative) and it has always passed eventually.  ymmv

 

My DD11 is having another round of it now and she's older so I've started reminding her in the moment that sometimes you just feel awful, and there is no *real* reason for it, other than hormonal changes, and you just have to wait it out and not get too worried.  It seems to help her not get caught up in it and feel worse than the badness she already feels.

 

I know from my own experience that feeling bad without particular cause can be really disconcerting, because you can't trust your emotions as correct interpretations of events.

 

But that won't work with a 6 yo, probably.

 

 

[caedmyn]

I would try saying, "If you're going to cry, you can do it in the bathroom,/in your room/in that crying chair (pick a spot for her to do her crying and use it every time)". No reaction other than that, every time unless she has a very legitimate reason to cry, like being hurt. It should help noticeably within a few days if it's going to work.

 

And make sure she's getting enough sleep.

[Pronghorn]

I don't know how old my daughter was when I did this, but I graphed my daughter's crying fits. That made it something more objective to look at and talk about. She helped me with the graphing. If nothing else, you can count it as math lol.