A family vent.

[athomeontheprairie]

So there has been so much drama this month with my inlaws. And if I don't vent somewhere, I might vent to them.

There is more, but I'd just like to vent on one thing....

 

My mil sells Pampered Chef. When the spring catalog came out she asked me to look through it. I did. I told her some things I would like (Christmas and birthdays are always PC gifts). I told her some things I thought were ridiculous and that I would NEVER use. (Can you guess where this is going?)

 

So my sil birthday is 10 days before mine. She received a nice (not expensive) non-pc gift. My birthday comes around, and when mil hands me the package she says "I know you said you didn't want this, but I think you'll like it" pause "and I had two". No I was EXTREMELY clear, I didn't want it, I won't use it, I won't be keeping it. I can't return it-because it was USED-and she would be the one I'd need to send it back to. I'm just really hurt. I would have loved the cheap alcohol my sil received. 

[Anne in CA]

Honestly, you deserve to be hurt. I'd make myself some margaritas and move on though. No sense dwelling on her being a jerk.

[Happy]

Seconding the margarita idea!

 

Plus, I'd wrap that baby up and give it to her for HER birthday. "I know you have one already, but I knew you'd love another..."

[JustEm]

Seconding the margarita idea!

 

Plus, I'd wrap that baby up and give it to her for HER birthday. "I know you have one already, but I knew you'd love another..."

Haha, I was about to suggest the same thing.

[OneStepAtATime]

Wow.  Isn't that special...

 

Could you swap with SIL? 

 

And what does your DH think?

Edited May 28, 2016 by OneStepAtATime

[Pink and Green Mom]

How rude and thoughtless of her.  Vent away.

[Janie Grace]

My mom does stuff like this. I don't think (in her case) it's to be mean. She is very good at deluding herself that the most convenient/desirable thing for HER is actually the most desirable thing for the recipient. It's whack, but it's not mean-spirited (like I said, in her case). 

I'm sorry about your crappy gift. 

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Another "wow" from me. That's cold, baby. I don't know if I could have stopped myself from saying something right then, so I give you serious kudos there. I lovelovelove the idea of wrapping it up and giving it back to her. I would completely and seriously do that. Even if it ticked DH off. 

 

:grouphug:

Edited May 28, 2016 by ILiveInFlipFlops

[Carol in Cal.]

Wow. that's awful.

[JustEm]

In the future I would refuse to look through the catalogue. Sorry your mil hurt you.

[lmrich]

That is so wrong! BUT - let it go; vent away here and to others who do not mind. It is not worth causing more drama over. Save it for a white elephant gift. 

[TammyS]

So there has been so much drama this month with my inlaws. And if I don't vent somewhere, I might vent to them.

There is more, but I'd just like to vent on one thing....

 

My mil sells Pampered Chef. When the spring catalog came out she asked me to look through it. I did. I told her some things I would like (Christmas and birthdays are always PC gifts). I told her some things I thought were ridiculous and that I would NEVER use. (Can you guess where this is going?)

 

So my sil birthday is 10 days before mine. She received a nice (not expensive) non-pc gift. My birthday comes around, and when mil hands me the package she says "I know you said you didn't want this, but I think you'll like it" pause "and I had two". No I was EXTREMELY clear, I didn't want it, I won't use it, I won't be keeping it. I can't return it-because it was USED-and she would be the one I'd need to send it back to. I'm just really hurt. I would have loved the cheap alcohol my sil received. 

 

So, was she trying to be mean, or is she just clueless?  If she's trying to be mean, then :grouphug: .  Mean people suck. 

 

I just want to point out, though, that I can totally see some clueless people doing this.  They really think that once you try it, you'll like it.  I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, but the intent isn't malicious.  :grouphug:  again, anyway, because dealing with clueless people can be tiring.

 

I really want to say try not to be hurt.  I think it always helps to consider presents as a lottery.  Occasionally, you get lucky.  Mostly you get motivation for a trip to the thrift store.

 

[ikslo]

A used item she had two of? That's something you offer someone on a non-special occasion day just to clean out your cabinet. Not something you give as a birthday gift.

 

Your vent is justified.

[zoobie]

That's really crappy. :grouphug:

[Ewe Mama]

Wait. She had two and used both already? Or did she keep a new one for herself?

 

I would probably just sell it on eBay and use the proceeds for something I really wanted. Then I would proceed to tell MIL (when asked what I thought of the "gift") that I sold it because I didn't want it and it was cluttering up my kitchen.

 

If you really like PC products, find a new PC salesperson, order from that person and then show MIL what you bought for yourself. That should make it clear.

[OneStepAtATime]

A used item she had two of? That's something you offer someone on a non-special occasion day just to clean out your cabinet. Not something you give as a birthday gift.

 

Your vent is justified.

Agreed.

 

OP, why not sell it at a pawn shop and use the money for something just for you?  

 

The giving back to her probably sounds appealing (I laughed when I read the suggestion).  However, giving it back to her if she really is more the narcissistic or mean spirited type will only net more issues in the future.  If she is just clueless it will probably not help her understand or improve her cluelessness but it will hurt her feelings which can cause more problems in the future.  

 

In other words, vent away here.  You are right to be unhappy about this.  But try to turn this into a positive for you instead of a negative for her (since it almost certainly won't change the situation long term).  Get her out of the equation.  What CAN you do with your used gift you specifically did not want?  Give it to a friend that really needs one?  Sell it at a pawn shop?  Can you put a plant in it?  Use it as a lawn decoration?

[Ewe Mama]

Did she give you the paperwork so you have the warranty info? I would also try to talk to a different PC salesperson. Explain the situation and ask if it can be exchanged for something that you really wanted.

 

Although it would be very tempting to regift it to MIL, she would probably turn around and re-regift it to you.

Edited May 28, 2016 by Ewe Mama

[cave canem]

In other words, vent away here.  You are right to be unhappy about this.  But try to turn this into a positive for you instead of a negative for her (since it almost certainly won't change the situation long term).  Get her out of the equation.  

Excellent, excellent perspective.

 

Sorry about the slap from your MIL.               

[Kassia]

Gosh, that is annoying and something my in-laws would do to me.  I've received a lot of gifts that were so rude that I would have rather received nothing.  

 

I'm sorry you were hurt.

 

Erica

[Seasider]

Seconding the margarita idea!

 

Plus, I'd wrap that baby up and give it to her for HER birthday. "I know you have one already, but I knew you'd love another..."

"And I think you'd really like it, even though you said you wouldn't."

 

This may have been a joke on Happy's part, but I think I would do it. I say this from having a MIL who will come in with new-bought things for dh and the kids, then hand me something I gave her in the past (because she didn't buy me a new thing, but at least has the sense to feel awkward when everyone else realizes she's snubbed me), saying, "Abd I'd like you to have this, because I know you like it." I really wish that the first time that happened, I'd have found a way to pass the item back to her, either to make a point or to open a discussion.

 

That was a stinky thing your MIL did, OP. But she obviously won't worry about it, so don't you, either. In your shoes, next time she handed me a PC catalogue I'd decline to browse it, and mention that you'd let your new consultant know if there's anything you need.

[Seasider]

So, was she trying to be mean, or is she just clueless? If she's trying to be mean, then :grouphug: . Mean people suck.

 

I just want to point out, though, that I can totally see some clueless people doing this. They really think that once you try it, you'll like it. I'm not saying it's the right thing to do, but the intent isn't malicious. :grouphug: again, anyway, because dealing with clueless people can be tiring.

 

I really want to say try not to be hurt. I think it always helps to consider presents as a lottery. Occasionally, you get lucky. Mostly you get motivation for a trip to the thrift store.

 

Yeah but even the "try it you'll like it" folks should know better than to pass it off as a *birthday* gift! Just give it as a non-occasion gift.

[lllll]

:grouphug:   Well that was just downright mean.  

 

I'm another who would do what I wanted with it - Goodwill, re-gift, trash, etc. - and next time she asked me to look at a catalog (or maybe even what gift I wanted for _____ occasion), I'd just bluntly tell her something like 'Last time you asked me this, you did X; so, NO, I will NOT be looking at anymore catalogs or suggesting anymore gifts for you'.  Only I might warn my dh before I did it, in case she runs whining to him about any of it.  

Edited May 28, 2016 by _ ?^..

[TammyS]

Yeah but even the "try it you'll like it" folks should know better than to pass it off as a *birthday* gift! Just give it as a non-occasion gift.

 

I agree it's a daft thing to do.  I'm just saying that it's different than being malicious.

[HS Mom in NC]

Ugh!  Sorry you were treated like that. That sucks.

 

 

[Guest]

Idk. What is wrong with being open and honest? "Wait, you gave me a used gift? That I said I didn't want?? And, only because you had two? Gosh, that's kinda strange."

 

If honestly isn't an option, I certainly would never look at her catalog ever again.

[T'smom]

I understand! I do not use essential oils, and my MIL knows that, but that's what we got for Christmas. I felt like it was a passive-aggressive way to try and make me use them.

[PrincessMommy]

That was downright thoughtless.

 

I would re-sell it.  Doesn't PC have decent re-sale value?  Or is this something super cheap? 

 

Then buy that wine you'd prefer...  oh, and I'd tell her you sold it for booze if she asks :lol:

[mamiof5]

That sounds like my mil! Only she would have just given me the cardboard box! Yes, she did that one year. "Well, it's a nice box". Okay.

What?? Really??

[mamiof5]

Ugh!!! Some people :( don't bother keeping it, just donate it and let it go (or treat yourself to something nice). But yes, no more buying or looking at her catalog

[FaithManor]

Whackadoodle relatives (not to be confused with whackamole at the carnival though wasting a few tickets to play the game while envisioning one's personal whackadoodles on the heads of moles can be quite cathartic) are an excellent reason to justify a margarita party!

 

 

[kewb]

Wow. Just wow. I would be angry and hurt. I also wouldn't say anything because the family drama wouldn't be worth it to me. S

 

She gave it to you and you are now free ro do whatever you want with it.

 

My mil hasn't given me anything for my birthday in over a decade. The last gift may have been after ds was born. She asked me what I would like. I said a gift certificate for a facial would be nice and sent her the links to the spas near me. She gave me a spa towel and spa slippers, the ones you can pick up in the drugstore.

[creekland]

"What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it's supposed to be."

 

We wouldn't give it a second thought.  We'd laugh, remind ourselves "That's MIL," and get more laughs throughout the coming years.  On life's scale of things it's way too small to spend any time being stressed over.

 

There's no way I'd give it back.  I'm not stooping to someone else's level whether it truly is malicious or (more likely) just clueless.  I've got my own standards for my life.  

 

It could easily hit the Community Aid donation box.

[athomeontheprairie]

Everyone, thanks. Seriously, thank you.

 

It's in a box off to donate. I won't ever bring it up to her-but will respond if asked "yes, I donated it. No, I didn't use it, I was clear that I didn't want or need it, and my house is too tiny to store things I won't use."

[TammyS]

Everyone, thanks. Seriously, thank you.

 

It's in a box off to donate. I won't ever bring it up to her-but will respond if asked "yes, I donated it. No, I didn't use it, I was clear that I didn't want or need it, and my house is too tiny to store things I won't use."

 

That really is for the best, IMO. 

 

I take a perverse pleasure in not allowing gift giving to be a source of angst for me.  I will even sort gifts as I load them into the car (if we've been at an event) into what's going into the house, and what's going into the donation box (which sits by my back door at all times).  I don't announce it or anything, but in my head, it's all sorted out and ready to go when I get home.  I just refuse to allow gifts to become crap in my house.