We have taken away computers and Minecraft

[Janeway]

We have taken away the laptops. They still have other technology. We have removed Minecraft from everything. This has been coming for some time now. It has been eight days so far and things seem to be improving. This is a permanent change. They might eventually get the lap tops back, but not before fall. And even then, it is unlikely.

 

Has anyone else done this?

[EKS]

I just recently took away all of my son's gaming/internet connecting devices (so all computers, tablet, Xbox) for a month due to a Very Bad Infraction.  It was rough the first week but there has been a steady improvement in his demeanor and his ability to think and entertain himself since then (it's been three weeks).  It's such a wonderful improvement that I'm trying to figure out how to keep it going and still give him his screens back.

[Hilltopmom]

You go girl! May the force be with you, seriously, good luck.

 

We were "screen free" for years & years. I wish we could go back to that. My teens would revolt. And they already have the preschooler hooked on cartoons.

Big sigh.

[Haiku]

I banned the use of Clash of Clans. Life is much better without Clash of Clans.

 

I have pretty much banned any game that requires you to feed it on a regular basis. I oppose games that prey on children.

 

Luckily none of mine ever had any interest in Minecraft.

[hornblower]

Why? 

[JumpyTheFrog]

We don't allow Minecraft either. My oldest is one of those people who gets addicted to screens easily. While we have tried various plans, what works best is allowing them each 15 minutes of screen time on Saturday and 15 minutes on Sunday. I also let them watch a movie maybe once a month. Whenever we have tried to allow more than that, behavior goes downhill really fast.

[73349]

My DS is younger, but we're finding that TV shows/movies only on Sunday afternoons (except when needed for school) and video games only for long trips is a good balance.

Edited May 22, 2016 by whitehawk

[amo_mea_filiis.]

My son gets none. We don't own a TV. No games on his iPod; music only. He only goes on the computer for his live lessons. No video game systems. Some kids just don't self regulate, or tolerate limits.

[MegP]

If you have a child over 12 or so and don't allow any screen time or internet, how will you  teach your child to self regulate and know how to use technology wisely by the time he or she leaves your house? This is not meant to be snarky-=I am really just curious.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Mine is 11. Not sure he'll be leaving the house.

 

Towards the end of his time with his BCBA, we plan to reintroduce screens with limits and see how it goes. She's been developing a plan that we'll be using.

[TechWife]

Good for you!

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

We only allowed minecraft briefly, and then very quickly removed it when we saw its effect on ds.  It's ALL the thought about.  And the nature of the game is that within the screen time limits we placed, he could not do anything with it, so he obsessed even more.  We also changed the passcode on all the devices when we found them being used to sneak a youtube minecraft video.  For my kids, this behavior was a Big Deal and totally out of the normal range, which is what shocked me into realizing MC had to go.  

 

Since then, I've installed OpenDNS, which is a global filter on our wifi for all things undesirable on the internet.  I also set it to block some of the major minecraft sites, although ds has been scared straight by the infraction and if for some reason he even needs to say the word minecraft, he actually whispers it because he's still so upset over his rule-breaking.  

 

Our current screen use is: duolingo for the two big kids plus fact practice for dd.  The three oldest get an additional 15 minutes free time on the iPad when our other work is done.  The big kids play a simple Harry Potter game, and the little one does some apps in French to help her with her French comfort level.  

 

Occasionally they watch a movie- maybe 1-2x a week.  

[maize]

If you have a child over 12 or so and don't allow any screen time or internet, how will you  teach your child to self regulate and know how to use technology wisely by the time he or she leaves your house? This is not meant to be snarky-=I am really just curious.

 

I expect a more mature brain would help significantly with self-regulation. The prefrontal cortex which handles executive function skills, including those needed for planning and impulse control, are still maturing into the twenties--especially for males. Certainly an eighteen or nineteen year old would have a brain better prepared to handle self-regulation than a twelve year old. Expecting a twelve year old to use skills his brain is not yet developmentally prepared for is not going to make those skills develop.

[TammyS]

We have taken away the laptops. They still have other technology. We have removed Minecraft from everything. This has been coming for some time now. It has been eight days so far and things seem to be improving. This is a permanent change. They might eventually get the lap tops back, but not before fall. And even then, it is unlikely.

 

Has anyone else done this?

 

We did it about 6 or so years ago.  We had a Wi and DSs.  We all liked to play Pokemon together and have a good time.  But it was a constant problem with sneaking, and slacking on work, or slip shodding through work, etc.  So we just got rid of all video games in all platforms, period.  I just got tired of being a warden.  I've been glad every day since that we did.

[TammyS]

If you have a child over 12 or so and don't allow any screen time or internet, how will you  teach your child to self regulate and know how to use technology wisely by the time he or she leaves your house? This is not meant to be snarky-=I am really just curious.

 

I'm not the OP, but...

The same way that I will teach him to self regulate alcohol.  By waiting until he old and mature enough to actually self regulate. 

[LucyStoner]

I'm not the OP, but...

The same way that I will teach him to self regulate alcohol. By waiting until he old and mature enough to actually self regulate.

I know a lot of people who flunked out of college because they suddenly had access to unlimited video games. Or gain 50+ pounds because they suddenly had access to junk food.

 

I get the inclination for some kids for total bans but I've also seen total bans backfire. My son is just about 13 and is able to self regulate his use of computers and devices. I think most kids can learn earlier than they are given credit for.

[TammyS]

I know a lot of people who flunked out of college because they suddenly had access to unlimited video games. Or gain 50+ pounds because they suddenly had access to junk food.

 

I get the inclination for some kids for total bans but I've also seen total bans backfire. My son is just about 13 and is able to self regulate his use of computers and devices. I think most kids can learn earlier than they are given credit for.

 

Well, that may be, but I certainly didn't see evidence of it.  My son only learned to play more and more and to slack on his work so that he could get back to playing. 

 

 

[Janeway]

It is like alcohol. If you tell a 5 yr old they can get drunk because, after all, when they are 21, they will be able to do it all they want, well, that is just crazy. The brain is developing and it is being harmed and stunted by the computer issues. When the children are older and have experienced life without Minecraft, hopefully, they will be able to handle looking at a computer without life shutting down. They will be older. And if they cannot handle it, then, well, they are adults. I do not think giving liquor to a 5 yr old will teach the 5 yr old to self regulate the drinking. I do think withholding the liquor and giving the child time to grow up and learn to process and live life without liquor will increase the child's chances of getting through life with it. Kids who are kept on healthy diets when they are young often stick to it as adults. Video games are the same thing. You do not just hand over control of video games to children under the excuse that when they are adults, you won't be able to keep it from them. Fact is, people who do not have access to these things, junk food, soda, candy, cocaine, liquor, and video games as children generally will grow up capable of abstaining.

[maize]

I know a lot of people who flunked out of college because they suddenly had access to unlimited video games. Or gain 50+ pounds because they suddenly had access to junk food.

 

I get the inclination for some kids for total bans but I've also seen total bans backfire. My son is just about 13 and is able to self regulate his use of computers and devices. I think most kids can learn earlier than they are given credit for.

Some kids can, and some can't. Binging on media/games is never even a temptation for some people--just like binging on alcohol is not a temptation for some people. Video games are intentionally designed to activate the reward system in the brain and keep people coming back for more, and some brains are not set up as well to regulate that interaction as others. Waiting for a bit more maturity may give some kids a better chance at self-regulation.

[TranquilMind]

I know a lot of people who flunked out of college because they suddenly had access to unlimited video games. Or gain 50+ pounds because they suddenly had access to junk food.

 

I get the inclination for some kids for total bans but I've also seen total bans backfire. My son is just about 13 and is able to self regulate his use of computers and devices. I think most kids can learn earlier than they are given credit for.

 

I think it is largely personality, but I am glad that we kept screen usage to a minimum and  blocked a lot when they were younger.  The youngest just thanked me for that recently, saying that preventing  exposure to a lot of bad stuff when he was young was a good thing, and that he is glad that I did this. 

 

Of course, this one has more self-control than I ever will in some ways.  Just like his dad.  Back to personality. 

 

[Seasider]

I retrieved the iPad and will permit its judicious use after about a week. No real VBI's, I just observed a growing reliance on screen time as entertainment now that the regular studies are winding down.

[Farrar]

I banned the use of Clash of Clans. Life is much better without Clash of Clans.

 

I have pretty much banned any game that requires you to feed it on a regular basis. I oppose games that prey on children.

 

Luckily none of mine ever had any interest in Minecraft.

 

Yes. Totally. I didn't even know I had a philosophy of gaming until we encountered Clash of Clans. Then I realized that is totally my philosophy - you play the games on your time, the games should not require you to play them on their time. I slowly weaned the kids off it. Ironically, or unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, it's my own mother, who my children introduced to CoC, who is by far the worst offender we know. Her behavior finally illustrated to the kids how horrible it is to not be able to walk away from a game.

 

My kids like Minecraft, but they've never been super into it. They go through phases of liking every game under the sun. I have only ever banned temporarily for specific issues. I'm with others who feel that it's good to learn to manage your screens and gaming by having some control over it. Otherwise you end up like my poor mother. Sigh. But honestly, it's such a fraught issue... especially for younger kids, no judgement to whatever is working for someone's family.

Edited May 22, 2016 by Farrar

[Guest]

We seem to go through this on 6-12 week rotations with devices in action and then taken away. Something will happen that can't be ignored and will result in removal of all devices besides phone calls. Attitude starts improving around day 3 and teenager suddenly becomes more involved in day to day family life. Right about the time everything is earned back, I've noticed it takes about two weeks for the bad attitude to creep in. Replies get snippier, assignments get rushed, things slide. Something big gets lied about or not done and wash, rinse, repeat.

 

I honestly haven't ever figured out which particular part of the electronic device causes the mood difference. It seems to happen regardless of the phase dd is in, be it MineCraft, YouTube, or whatever. 

 

I think as a parent, where I'm struggling is the helping dd manage the time and enjoy the devices in moderation. I don't think taking it all away long term is the answer, but I cannot deny a connection in our house between attitude and electronic device usage. Hell, I even notice it myself. The more time I spend on here the snipper I tend to get IRL if I'm interrupted. I'm not sure how to manage it. I have to pry myself off of here some weeks as it's my outlet to similarly situated parents who I can talk with. I'm sure it's no different for her. But I can pry myself away and she can't. I am hoping it's a maturity thing, but I would love suggestions of how to help them strike that magical balance if there is such a thing. Until then we continue the vicious cycle. I remember being somewhat like this about phone calls as a teen. We were on the phone A LOT. But it wasn't near as much as they can be on a phone they carry 24/7, so perhaps that's the difference. Oh and that they aren't interacting with people most of the time, but games, or websites. 

 

ETA: We even noticed a change in our preschoolers. They love Youtube Kids- you know where they watch kids (or more often adults) play with the newest toys or playdough for eternity, but it was a massive attitude impactor. And to be honest many of those kids act in a way we would never wish our kids to. So i had to get rid of the easy baby sitter and disable YouTube Kids on their ipads. The games they play don't seem to cause near the issue and they go days without asking for them which was not the case with YouTube Kids at all. They wanted it every day. And of course it's nothing but a giant advertisement teaching them the precious value of materialism. Sigh. 

Edited May 22, 2016 by texasmom33

[hornblower]

Each year it's more and more difficult - & a big part of it IMO is the parents' use  & reliance on the technologies. The more we get sucked into the digital life, the more the whole family is sucked in.... . 

We were pretty much screen free for a long time, much longer than most people around us. My kids didn't get their own laptops until they were in their teens. Then  the rules were school & chores first, then screens.  It's definitely trickier now with so many resources and educational materials being heavily reliant on digital media. I'm not sure how I'd go about parenting young kids now (& it's so difficult when you have a large age spread - but I guess that was an issue before with tv & shows etc) 

My q about why was just trying to sort out what you're trying to fix, kwim?  

 

I banned the free newspapers & flyers in my home when my son was young because he'd obsess about the ads and something he saw. He wasn't a kid that could go window shopping much either so I rarely took him to stores or malls. Out of sight was definitely out of mind for him & made us all happier - so I definitely get the desire / need to limit access to certain things until maturity kicks in. 

Btw, for the older teen / YA & adult crowd, the computer & phone time management apps really do help.  Look up things like Rescue Time, Cold Turkey, Freedom etc. 

 

Edited May 22, 2016 by hornblower

[Ausmumof3]

We have spasmodic bans and reductions. The big problem for me is I feel hypocritical taking away the kids screen time but still having my own. I'm not sure why because I wouldn't feel that way about alcohol. I guess that's because the harm from alcohol is clearer whereas screen time has a lot of apparent benefits (not least of which is peace and quiet for me ðŸ˜). But I do regret that my kids probably won't read as many books as we did.

[mamiof5]

Our oldest didn't get a laptop til she graduated from highschool. However, she did have a cellphone and mp3 player/iPods. Not sure how we'll handle electronics with the other kids, but dh and I are firm believers that kids don't need a cellphone. Not sure at what age we'll consider it "necessary", but definitely not at 14. We try to regulate screen time or it easily becomes too much. I guess it's all about finding a balance.

[hornblower]

 dh and I are firm believers that kids don't need a cellphone. Not sure at what age we'll consider it "necessary", but definitely not at 14. We try to regulate screen time or it easily becomes too much. I guess it's all about finding a balance.

 

see, IMO, kids need a cellphone when they're spending time away from their parents. I love that digital leash.  It doesn't have to be smart phone though & it doesn't have to have data.... 

[mamiof5]

see, IMO, kids need a cellphone when they're spending time away from their parents. I love that digital leash. It doesn't have to be smart phone though & it doesn't have to have data....

Definitely. We'll probably get a phone (no data) eventually. Our kids don't spend too much time away from us, so it's not an issue.

ETA: if they do it's with adults we know etc, so if they need to get a hold of us they have a way to do it

Edited May 22, 2016 by mamiof5

[HomeAgain]

Meh.  Ecclesiastes 3.  Or better sung by the Byrds. ;)  But there's a time and a place for everything.  During cold, yucky days, our kids' gaming ramps up.  Minecraft is perfectly acceptable when sitting inside, listening to the ice and rain pelt down.  During the spring and fall, they're more likely to be found outside.  When we have friends over, the games and devices are put away.  When I have a meeting, the ipad comes out.

 

Balance is key.  Learning that there are great things in the world, and developing real skills (even my 6yo can knit!) helps a child from seeing digital accomplishments as their success.  Then again, lol, I have one who has found success with making digital art and manipulating photos.  But that's my goal.  I want a child to have tangible achievements, things that mean something.  Rows of clumsily built birdhouses and toolboxes are in my garage, slowly progressing in skill.  My 6yo just beat Bowser in Super Mario 3 as I write this, but the success in the game is a far cry from the proud feeling of a real achievement. 
We don't invest in a lot of video games (even my Ipad only gets one fun app on it per week, rotated through a few we own), we don't stay up on what's new and we never make it more of a deal than, say, Monopoly.  Yes, games are fun.  Yes, they're a great way to unwind, and yes, it's my job as a parent to set limits and parameters on what I'm willing to buy or give them.  I'm not willing to fight over screen time with a child so children don't own devices in our house until they're old enough to handle the balance.

[TammyS]

lol, so now screen time is like giving your kid a shot of vodka ?

 

Sure.  Both are not damaging in limited quantities, both are potentially damaging in large quantities, both are subject to disagreement about what constitutes "large quantities", both demonstrably affect the brain/nuero systems, both are potentially addictive.  So, yeah.  They are very much alike. 

[hornblower]

, but the success in the game is a far cry from the proud feeling of a real achievement. 

 

I know this is a comment enough sentiment but I'd like to just gently point out that it's actually quite offensive to people who are serious gamers, whether amateur or professional. 

 

I know the same could be said of athletic achievements too. I mean it's no real achievement just because you can kick a ball over there or throw a ball into that thing or hit it with that stick ...whoop de doo... 

[TammyS]

Oh my. Well, I won't be following you down that road. For starters there is no disagreement about what constitutes damaging levels of alcohol consumption, which is why we have safe guidelines for men and women. 

 

Alcohol causes huge societal, familial and medical problems. When Neflix and chill with the kids for a weekend can kill you, the same way binge drinking over a weekend can, I'll reconsider. When emergency rooms are full of gamers who have done major damage to themselves and others due to game consumption, just like there is due to alcohol, especially on weekends, I'll consider you might have a point. 

 

Cue someone linking a (rare) case from Korea of gamers playing for three days straight and dropping dead, I guess.

 

You can teach, model and encourage balance without having to play the scare card of addiction. With the exception of educating and informing kids of risks if addiction runs in the family.

 

Many people believe that screens also cause huge societal, familial, and medical problems.  I'm sure you've heard public health officials talking about obesity risks and screen time.  I'm sure you've heard women lamenting their grown sons living in the basement play ____ and not getting a life.  I'm sure you've heard women lamenting husbands who would rather play Xbox than spend time with their kids. 

 

I don't think it's playing a "scare card" to tell someone the truth about the risks of addiction to a substance.

[HomeAgain]

 

I know this is a comment enough sentiment but I'd like to just gently point out that it's actually quite offensive to people who are serious gamers, whether amateur or professional.

 

I know the same could be said of athletic achievements too. I mean it's no real achievement just because you can kick a ball over there or throw a ball into that thing or hit it with that stick ...whoop de doo...

 

No, in our house it's not. Sports, though my family is quite good, are not seen as achievements. It is recreation, with no lasting results. Games are recreation, and I'm sure that those who find that simple truth to be offensive have developed ways to cope with that.

[hornblower]

No, in our house it's not. Sports, though my family is quite good, are not seen as achievements. It is recreation, with no lasting results. Games are recreation, and I'm sure that those who find that simple truth to be offensive have developed ways to cope with that.

 

you would say that to someone who is, say an Olympian or a national league pro? 

[Ausmumof3]

lol, so now screen time is like giving your kid a shot of vodka ? The rhetoric ramps up every time we have a screen time thread.

 

My 12 year old is showing self regulation abilities just in the last two months. Idk. His PFC must be doing OK. I think opportunities to self regulate do 'grow' the neural connections needed to do so, for kids without a predisposition to ill effects from screens.

 

When I haven't been happy about his self reg abilities, offering interesting non-screen options has worked better than a ban. Forbidden fruit and all that.

 

What also worked was having the whole family take a break from screens...they learn through vicarious experience... I do think it's hypocritical to impose bans on children and not have one's own use under control...it's a bit like an alcoholic lecturing his teens about not drinking, if we're going down that analogical path...

Fwiw my daughter uses screens like I use books.

 

I think it's less the activity than the overuse that is problematic.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I expect a more mature brain would help significantly with self-regulation. The prefrontal cortex which handles executive function skills, including those needed for planning and impulse control, are still maturing into the twenties--especially for males. Certainly an eighteen or nineteen year old would have a brain better prepared to handle self-regulation than a twelve year old. Expecting a twelve year old to use skills his brain is not yet developmentally prepared for is not going to make those skills develop.

 

I'm not sure that's true given how many adults I encounter seem to be pretty addicted to their phones, but people in my generation really didn't grow up with these things.  They got them as adults. 

 

I am exaggerating by saying "addicted", but I mean they are on them quite frequently.  To the point they often don't talk to people around them because they would rather chat on their phone or play a game on their phone. 

 

I think anything has the potential to be addictive to some people, but it's interesting what is claimed to be problematic verses what is not.  If a kid likes Minecraft and plays often we say that's a problem.  If they loved word searches or some other puzzle type thing and carried around puzzle books and did them regularly, would we be as concerned? 

[HomeAgain]

 

you would say that to someone who is, say an Olympian or a national league pro?

Yes. They do recreation. Games. It is a season of life for them before they move on.

[maize]

I'm not sure that's true given how many adults I encounter seem to be pretty addicted to their phones, but people in my generation really didn't grow up with these things.  They got them as adults. 

 

I am exaggerating by saying "addicted", but I mean they are on them quite frequently.  To the point they often don't talk to people around them because they would rather chat on their phone or play a game on their phone. 

 

I think anything has the potential to be addictive to some people, but it's interesting what is claimed to be problematic verses what is not.  If a kid likes Minecraft and plays often we say that's a problem.  If they loved word searches or some other puzzle type thing and carried around puzzle books and did them regularly, would we be as concerned? 

 

I think we might be concerned if a child was so intent on puzzle books that they neglected schoolwork, time with family and friends, and outside activities in favor of doing puzzles. This is precisely the kind of behavior some families find occurs with gaming.

 

Most likely, few children become as obsessed with puzzle books because they do not activate the reward circuitry in the brain as effectively.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-compass-pleasure/201110/video-games-can-activate-the-brains-pleasure-circuits-0

 

Recently I'm taking advantage of reward activation from gaming by allowing my kids to play the prodigy math game as much as they like. They are definitely a bit obsessed with it and not because of the math component.

[Mergath]

I'm not sure that's true given how many adults I encounter seem to be pretty addicted to their phones, but people in my generation really didn't grow up with these things.  They got them as adults. 

 

I am exaggerating by saying "addicted", but I mean they are on them quite frequently.  To the point they often don't talk to people around them because they would rather chat on their phone or play a game on their phone. 

 

I think anything has the potential to be addictive to some people, but it's interesting what is claimed to be problematic verses what is not.  If a kid likes Minecraft and plays often we say that's a problem.  If they loved word searches or some other puzzle type thing and carried around puzzle books and did them regularly, would we be as concerned? 

 

Yes, if they were spending fifteen hours a day doing word searches.

[LucyStoner]

It is like alcohol. If you tell a 5 yr old they can get drunk because, after all, when they are 21, they will be able to do it all they want, well, that is just crazy. The brain is developing and it is being harmed and stunted by the computer issues. When the children are older and have experienced life without Minecraft, hopefully, they will be able to handle looking at a computer without life shutting down. They will be older. And if they cannot handle it, then, well, they are adults. I do not think giving liquor to a 5 yr old will teach the 5 yr old to self regulate the drinking. I do think withholding the liquor and giving the child time to grow up and learn to process and live life without liquor will increase the child's chances of getting through life with it. Kids who are kept on healthy diets when they are young often stick to it as adults. Video games are the same thing. You do not just hand over control of video games to children under the excuse that when they are adults, you won't be able to keep it from them. Fact is, people who do not have access to these things, junk food, soda, candy, cocaine, liquor, and video games as children generally will grow up capable of abstaining.

Letting kids learn and test their self regulation skills at early ages doesn't mean writing them a blank check at age 5 for as much as they want.

 

Video game addiction is a process addiction and not in the same classification as chemical dependency to narcotics or alcohol.

 

If a kid can't handle it there are other options than a blanket ban. That is all I am saying, nothing more or less.

 

Most of the time my older son is using technology he's using it to create programs and do school work, not play games. He outgrew minecraft before he hit 11.

 

To me the prevalence of the "freshmen 15" indicates a lot of kids hit college not being able to navigate food choices without a parent. All of the women I know who were haranged to never have junk food as kids were the ones with milky way bars hidden in their closet and have weight problems as adults. Eating a good diet only lasts if your learn to enjoy and appreciate that diet.

 

I've seen that unlimited access to video games and junk food can be as damaging or more so than total bans but as I have said I have also seen total bans blow up.

Edited May 23, 2016 by LucyStoner

[MysteryJen]

No, in our house it's not. Sports, though my family is quite good, are not seen as achievements. It is recreation, with no lasting results. Games are recreation, and I'm sure that those who find that simple truth to be offensive have developed ways to cope with that.

I really don't understand what you mean by the above comment. High level success in sports is a huge achievement in our house. And frankly, any activity that requires goal setting, skill, and practice is an achievement. Arts, music, sports, academics, and yes, even gaming. All of those activities can win college scholarships and employment opportunities.

[maize]

 

To me the prevalence of the "freshmen 15" indicates a lot of kids hit college not being able to navigate food choices without a parent. All of the women I know who were haranged to never have junk food as kids were the ones with milky way bars hidden in their closet and have weight problems as adults. Eating a good diet only lasts if your learn to enjoy and appreciate that diet.

 

I've seen that unlimited access to video games and junk food can be as damaging or more so than total bans but as I have said I have also seen total bans blow up.

 

I dunno, freshman 15 may have as much to do with increased stress (often leads to weight gain); less sleep (often leads to weight gain), growing out of a slim teen body into a mature adult body (involves weight gain).

 

It just sounds to me like you are making a lot of generalizations based on anecdotal experience.

[VeteranMom]

Thinking of doing it.  My youngest ds, 13, has a terrible addiction to Minecraft.  I've tried to regulate electronics, but my kids don't follow the rules i put in place for them.  I think I've been really generous and I feel they have taken advantage.  I had made the rule of 1 hour a day, but they have to have all their schoolwork done, piano practiced, and their rooms need to be picked up.  They disregard the rules and I'm pretty tired of it.      

[MysteryJen]

Yes. They do recreation. Games. It is a season of life for them before they move on.

Wow. Dancers, actors, musicians as well. Nice to be so judgmental.

[LucyStoner]

I dunno, freshman 15 may have as much to do with increased stress (often leads to weight gain); less sleep (often leads to weight gain), growing out of a slim teen body into a mature adult body (involves weight gain).

 

It just sounds to me like you are making a lot of generalizations based on anecdotal experience.

Everyone is making at least some generalizations based on their personal experiences on this or any thread. That's essentially what people do in casual conversation.

 

Aside from seeking to avoid overuse of games, flat out screen bans, at least where we live would hamstring academic performance.

 

I truthfully know a lot of overly sheltered kids who went off the rails at university. Super smart ones too but unable to budget time without mom or dad telling them what to do when. I let me 12 year old fail to do his math assignments at leisurely pace and watched him procrastinate and freak out. After a few weeks in the class he now starts the homework 8 days out from the due date. I would rather let my kids "fail" and learn at 12 in a $300 class than watch them fail at 19 when tuition is thousands per class.

 

For cripes sake, kids using video games has been likened to kids drinking liquor or using cocaine. I don't think that has *even anecdotal experience* to back it up. So let's not whip out the generalizing from anecdotal experience critique only against someone expressing ideas we don't agree with.

 

I agree games are designed to be compelling and even addictive to kids. There's a reason my younger son gets compiter game time only on the weekends. But they are also designed to be addictive for young adults. Learning to self regulate for internal motivations rather than purely external demands is important and I think lasts longer.

Edited May 23, 2016 by LucyStoner

[DawnM]

It is like alcohol. If you tell a 5 yr old they can get drunk because, after all, when they are 21, they will be able to do it all they want, well, that is just crazy. The brain is developing and it is being harmed and stunted by the computer issues. When the children are older and have experienced life without Minecraft, hopefully, they will be able to handle looking at a computer without life shutting down. They will be older. And if they cannot handle it, then, well, they are adults. I do not think giving liquor to a 5 yr old will teach the 5 yr old to self regulate the drinking. I do think withholding the liquor and giving the child time to grow up and learn to process and live life without liquor will increase the child's chances of getting through life with it. Kids who are kept on healthy diets when they are young often stick to it as adults. Video games are the same thing. You do not just hand over control of video games to children under the excuse that when they are adults, you won't be able to keep it from them. Fact is, people who do not have access to these things, junk food, soda, candy, cocaine, liquor, and video games as children generally will grow up capable of abstaining.

 

 

If you believe that so strongly, why did you allow them to have it in the first place?

[LucyStoner]

I think I read somewhere that college kids on average just gain 2 or 3 pounds, not 15.

If there are increases, I don't think it's mainly due to kids going nuts because the parents aren't there to supervise. I think many people, overall, have an unhealthy diet. College kids often grab food in between classes, the meals may be buffet style, and the schools often have an excess of high fat, high carb style food- especially the campus cafes that stay open late at night.

I tend to believe that alcoholic drinks contribute to the weight gain.

Other than that, I'm stumped. My son has lost almost 25 pounds in his three years of school. He walks everywhere, he stresses easily, and he stays awake long hours. He has to be reminded to eat.

I don't think all kids gain or retain any weight gain but what I have observed and was referencing were the kids from families who all but or totally banned junk food going over the cliff with it when their parents didn't have that say anymore. Especially when treats were tied to super special things or when there was weight shaming going on at home (more often happens to girls).

[Ewe Mama]

When two of my boys were lying to my face and hiding devices in their bedrooms to play in the middle of the night, and buying online currency with my money, I knew it was time to pull the plug permanently. The house rules had been explained and printed up so they could refer to them as needed. They kept breaking the rules, would lose their time on the devices, gradually earn them back again, and then the cycle would start all over again.

 

They have lost the devices for good now. I have learned that they have very addictive personalities. Screens are like crack to them.

 

It's been about a month now and they are playing games with their siblings, running around outside, snuggling with me, just being much more pleasant in general.

[Wheres Toto]

Well, my personal anecdote :001_rolleyes:  is I had a mother that was extremely strict with food while we were growing up.  Very limited snacks, nothing with artificial colors, preservatives, flavors, etc.  Mainly it was an attempt to control my brother's ADHD but I was along for the ride.  As an adult, I have a very hard time saying no to sweets, my favorite cereal is Lucky Charms (which I didn't have until I was in college).  And yes, I went off the rails in college when I was actually given some freedom to make my own choices for once.

 

I also agree that it's not all or nothing.  My kids get way more screen time than people are talking about here.  But, we don't have fights about it or about school/chores/etc. not getting done because the rules are clearly spelled out, and there really is no way for them to be sneaky because the computers are in the main room of our house.  They can't go on before 4pm and only if school, chores, reading, exercise and a certain amount of free (do what they want) screen-free time is done.  Most days they don't get on until later because of extracurricular activities but they get more on weekends, especially in crappy weather.   

 

I'm not saying they never attempted to get on at 4pm with something not being done but all it takes is a quick look at school, opening their bedroom door, or looking around to see something wasn't done.  Then they get off right that second to take care of it, and depending on if it involved overlooking something or lying about something or varying degrees of sneaky, they may lose screens for that day, or a week.  But at 8 and 10, they really don't have the opportunity to commit truly horrendous infractions because we're still watching and guiding.  As they get older, they will get more freedom while still being guided.

 

I feel like I'm kind of babbling here.  I guess what I'm saying is I can't imagine what the average 10 or 11 or 12 year old, that is being supervised, can do that would be so bad that it would result in a permanent ban of electronics.
 

[maize]

Everyone is making at least some generalizations based on their personal experiences on this or any thread. That's essentially what people do in casual conversation.

 

Aside from seeking to avoid overuse of games, flat out screen bans, at least where we live would hamstring academic performance.

 

I truthfully know a lot of overly sheltered kids who went off the rails at university. Super smart ones too but unable to budget time without mom or dad telling them what to do when. I let me 12 year old fail to do his math assignments at leisurely pace and watched him procrastinate and free out. After a few weeks in the class he now starts the homework 8 days out from the due date. I would rather let my kids "fail" and learn at 12 in a $300 class than watch them fail at 19 when tuition is thousands per class.

 

For cripes sake, kids using video games has been likened to kids drinking liquor or using cocaine. I don't think that has *even anecdotal experience* to back it up. So let's not whip of the generalizing from anecdotal experience critique only against someone expressing ideas we don't agree with.

 

I agree games are designed to be compelling and even addictive to kids. There's a reason my younger son gets compiter game time only on the weekends. But they are also designed to be addictive for young adults. Learning to self regulate for internal motivations rather than purely external demands is important and I think lasts longer.

 

We may be talking across each other because I'm looking through the lens of executive function struggles which are, apparently, extremely heritable in my family. If I as a 12 year old or as a college student struggled with time management, it wasn't because I was used to someone else managing it for me. It just was. Same for my kids. When you talk about kids who apparently struggled with executive function in college and ascribe their struggles to parenting choices, I am skeptical. We do know, based on research, that on average executive function is better developed in an eighteen year old than a twelve year old, so I think it is not unreasonable to assume that more eighteen year olds than twelve year olds should be able to regulate their own behavior.

 

You have a child who can handle time management and planning. Fabulous. Congratulations. I am sure your child has some struggles my children don't have as well, but I wouldn't ascribe those struggles to parenting failures. What I mostly see in this thread is parents talking about their own decisions and what seems to work for their children.

 

FWIW, we are not a screen free household. I jumped into the discussion to comment on why it might be reasonable to expect a college student to be better prepared to regulate their behavior than a twelve year old even if they had not spent years practicing self regulation.