super achieving people (pretty sure this is a JAWM)

[Bluegoat]

I don't think it should be invisible. Whoever stays home and enables a spouse to go out there and achieve - they should be acknowledged as a vital part of that achievement. 

 

That's my only point - not that it's wrong or the SAH spouse isn't happy - just that when we consider high achievers - particularly, but not only men - we shouldn't lose sight of the fact that part ( not all! ) of the reason for their success is the support they get from others (often, but not always, women).

 

Yes, to me its a sign of skewed focus that when one spouse supports the other's career, it's seen as being slightly pathetic.

 

And yet somehow, that isn't seen to reflect on the working spouse, which is crazy.

 

I'd say it's tied up with all kinds of other things - domestic duties are generally seen as crap work for failures even if it is paid.  And rather than thinking  in terms of a family group making its way together, thinking of the adults as really independant people who happen to live together - I find women are actually more judgemental about this than men.  It's assumed that they are losing themselves to the family (or the man) whereas there is no such assumption about the man who has some outside job, even if he only does it to financially support the family.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yes, to me its a sign of skewed focus that when one spouse supports the other's career, it's seen as being slightly pathetic.

 

And yet somehow, that isn't seen to reflect on the working spouse, which is crazy.

 

I'd say it's tied up with all kinds of other things - domestic duties are generally seen as crap work for failures even if it is paid.  And rather than thinking  in terms of a family group making its way together, thinking of the adults as really independant people who happen to live together - I find women are actually more judgemental about this than men.  It's assumed that they are losing themselves to the family (or the man) whereas there is no such assumption about the man who has some outside job, even if he only does it to financially support the family.

 

Unless the working spouse is a woman.

Edited May 18, 2016 by SparklyUnicorn

[mamiof5]

Someone here said something a while back that stuck to me: I try not to worry anymore. I do my best, I give God my two loaves and two fish, and He decides what to do with it. If He uses them to feed 5000? Great! The letters after titles and extracurricular activities don't impress me a whole lot. I hope and pray he is finding time to be a GOOD dad and husband. Anyone can be a dad, but it takes time and lots of effort to actually be part of your children's lives. I have an Engineering degree, but have stayed home for almost 12 years now? Now I homeschool as well. Many folks stare at me when they find out, many wonder why am I at home instead of out there making the money I could be making? My mom also had a very hard time years ago accepting I was going to stay home. Being a homeschooling/stay at home mom is a rewarding and important career for me, but not everyone sees it. I do try to be an overachiever in that area... sometimes I am more successful than others 😉

[SparklyUnicorn]

Someone here said something a while back that stuck to me: I try not to worry anymore. I do my best, I give God my two loaves and two fish, and He decides what to do with it. If He uses them to feed 5000? Great! The letters after titles and extracurricular activities don't impress me a whole lot. I hope and pray he is finding time to be a GOOD dad and husband. Anyone can be a dad, but it takes time and lots of effort to actually be part of your children's lives. I have an Engineering degree, but have stayed home for almost 12 years now? Now I homeschool as well. Many folks stare at me when they find out, many wonder why am I at home instead of out there making the money I could be making? My mom also had a very hard time years ago accepting I was going to stay home. Being a homeschooling/stay at home mom is a rewarding and important career for me, but not everyone sees it. I do try to be an overachiever in that area... sometimes I am more successful than others 😉

 

Along these lines people value different things.  I value some of these same things, but I don't think they are the only worthwhile things or that someone who doesn't value them above all else is wrong/bad.

 

Whatever one chooses some stuff thrives at the expense of other things.  We really cannot have it all. 

 

I don't have a problem with people choosing certain paths, buy I guess what I don't like is the idea that high achievement is mostly about how public one's achievements are.  (I'm not sure how to word what I'm thinking here...so hopefully this makes sense.) 

[Bluegoat]

Unless the working spouse is a woman.

 

Yeah, for some weird reason a SAHH seems to reflect on his wife.  I suppose it may just be because it is less common.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Yeah, for some weird reason a SAHH seems to reflect on his wife.  I suppose it may just be because it is less common.

 

Yeah a SAHD is a hero and cutting edge.

[wintermom]

I have to admit that I'm quite baffled by the origins of this thread and some of the directions it's taken. So, the OP doesn't like reading the bio of an individual picked for a highly competitive field, or which there is only one in the entire country, because it makes her feel bad about herself.  It's utterly ridiculous.  "Super achievers" do absolutely nothing to stop other people from reaching their own goals and dreams. Rather, they can show people the potential that exists; that you don't have to be limited by pre-conceptions. That it is possible to do many things. 

 

I know many super achiever types of people, and they are wonderful to be around. There is a doctor-doctor husband and wife team who organize my dc's strings ensemble for fun. The husband accompanies the group with his double bass, that he's only been playing a few years. If any other parent wants to join in and help out, they are free to jump right on it, but don't complain that you're not good enough.

 

You get better and achieve more by doing things, not by sitting around whining about others doing things.

[hornblower]

LOL did you not notice the JAWM  ?   

You're also reading too much into it. It doesn't make me feel bad about myself. 

 

You have no idea what I & my dh & my children achieve and how we feel about it. 

 

And who's whining? I was laughing. I do find him inspiring and lovely as I do many other people. His bio struck me as hilarious and obv it was the same for others. 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 18, 2016 by hornblower

[Minerva]

I have to admit that I'm quite baffled by the origins of this thread and some of the directions it's taken. So, the OP doesn't like reading the bio of an individual picked for a highly competitive field, or which there is only one in the entire country, because it makes her feel bad about herself.  It's utterly ridiculous.  "Super achievers" do absolutely nothing to stop other people from reaching their own goals and dreams. Rather, they can show people the potential that exists; that you don't have to be limited by pre-conceptions. That it is possible to do many things. 

 

I know many super achiever types of people, and they are wonderful to be around. There is a doctor-doctor husband and wife team who organize my dc's strings ensemble for fun. The husband accompanies the group with his double bass, that he's only been playing a few years. If any other parent wants to join in and help out, they are free to jump right on it, but don't complain that you're not good enough.

 

You get better and achieve more by doing things, not by sitting around whining about others doing things.

Wow, I read the OP so differently than you did. It struck me as both a sideways compliment to the person with such a ridiculously over-the-top-great-bio, with a healthy dose of self deprecation thrown in. 

 

Many of the responses to the OP were really quite funny, and some people shared how they actually struggled with feeling like they don't achieve enough. This is a common and very real thing to feel. 

 

As someone who is the only average achiever in a family of absurd over achievers, I have really appreciated this thread. 

Edited May 18, 2016 by Minerva

[Minerva]

dp 

 

Edited May 18, 2016 by Minerva

[hornblower]

Oh Minerva. you get me :) 

[Pawz4me]

I have to admit that I'm quite baffled by the origins of this thread and some of the directions it's taken. So, the OP doesn't like reading the bio of an individual picked for a highly competitive field, or which there is only one in the entire country, because it makes her feel bad about herself.  It's utterly ridiculous.  "Super achievers" do absolutely nothing to stop other people from reaching their own goals and dreams. Rather, they can show people the potential that exists; that you don't have to be limited by pre-conceptions. That it is possible to do many things. 

 

I know many super achiever types of people, and they are wonderful to be around. There is a doctor-doctor husband and wife team who organize my dc's strings ensemble for fun. The husband accompanies the group with his double bass, that he's only been playing a few years. If any other parent wants to join in and help out, they are free to jump right on it, but don't complain that you're not good enough.

 

You get better and achieve more by doing things, not by sitting around whining about others doing things.

 

 

LOL did you not notice the JAWM  ?   

 

You're also reading too much into it. It doesn't make me feel bad about myself. 

 

You have no idea what I & my dh & my children achieve and how we feel about it. 

 

And who's whining? I was laughing. I do find him inspiring and lovely as I do many other people. His bio struck me as hilarious and obv it was the same for others. 

 

Hornblower, as I was first reading your post yesterday I could easily imagine the twinkle in your eye as you clicked on "post."

 

I really can't imagine that anyone could take your OP as anything but lighthearted..

[mamiof5]

Along these lines people value different things. I value some of these same things, but I don't think they are the only worthwhile things or that someone who doesn't value them above all else is wrong/bad.

 

Whatever one chooses some stuff thrives at the expense of other things. We really cannot have it all.

 

I don't have a problem with people choosing certain paths, buy I guess what I don't like is the idea that high achievement is mostly about how public one's achievements are. (I'm not sure how to word what I'm thinking here...so hopefully this makes sense.)

I think I got it. Yeah, definitely know everyone chooses different paths... it'd be terribly boring if we all did the same. I like to think we are all achievers, or super achievers... depends on the day 😃. And I hear you on the "public" issue... I think my career as a mom is as valuable (and depending on the day, maybe as busy and stressful) as anyone's else's. I am not sure everyone feels the same way? A few years ago some guy (who knew I stayed home and homeschooled my kids) patted me on my back and said "oh! You do have a brain!"...when finding out I had an Industrial Engineering degree 😮. It's been a while, but still not sure what that meant

[mamiof5]

homeschooling superpower that I have! LOL

I also think of it as a superpower! My plastic cup says so 😉 (it literally does, I have one of those "I homeschool, what's your superpower?" plastic cup)

[mamiof5]

I have to admit that I'm quite baffled by the origins of this thread and some of the directions it's taken. So, the OP doesn't like reading the bio of an individual picked for a highly competitive field, or which there is only one in the entire country, because it makes her feel bad about herself. It's utterly ridiculous. "Super achievers" do absolutely nothing to stop other people from reaching their own goals and dreams. Rather, they can show people the potential that exists; that you don't have to be limited by pre-conceptions. That it is possible to do many things.

 

I know many super achiever types of people, and they are wonderful to be around. There is a doctor-doctor husband and wife team who organize my dc's strings ensemble for fun. The husband accompanies the group with his double bass, that he's only been playing a few years. If any other parent wants to join in and help out, they are free to jump right on it, but don't complain that you're not good enough.

 

You get better and achieve more by doing things, not by sitting around whining about others doing things.

Not sure what I missed??? Never got this impression from this thread, from the OP'S post or from anyone's comments.

[mamiof5]

I like to think that after one day of homeschooling my six boys, that man would crumple up in a corner in the fetal position and suck his thumb while asking for his mommy. (Not that that ever happens to me...)

No, no, no!! I'd like to think he'd find a way to send the boys to space for a while!! How's THAT for a fieldtrip??? 🙌🚀 Now I'm picturing magic school bus type of scenario... I'm a lost case 😂

[SparklyUnicorn]

LOL did you not notice the JAWM  ?   

 

You're also reading too much into it. It doesn't make me feel bad about myself. 

 

You have no idea what I & my dh & my children achieve and how we feel about it. 

 

And who's whining? I was laughing. I do find him inspiring and lovely as I do many other people. His bio struck me as hilarious and obv it was the same for others. 

 

 

Yeah I thought we were just blah blahing.

 

That's kinda the point of message boards right?

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I like to think that after one day of homeschooling my six boys, that man would crumple up in a corner in the fetal position and suck his thumb while asking for his mommy. (Not that that ever happens to me...)

 

I would crumple up in the corner too.

 

LOL 

[mamiof5]

I like to think that after one day of homeschooling my six boys, that man would crumple up in a corner in the fetal position and suck his thumb while asking for his mommy. (Not that that ever happens to me...)

Ok, seriously. 6 boys?? Hats off to you. That's just too many male hormones locked in the same place. You are clearly outnumbered! You need my homeschooling superpower cup... I usually use it for water with lemon, but you could put whatever is needed in there, depending on the day 😉

[MysteryJen]

You super achiever, you!

[mamiof5]

Well, I'm actually down to homeschooling three of them now. Two are in college, one is about to start college this fall, and three are still at home. But there were a few years when I was teaching all six of them. Can't say I'm sorry those days are over. ðŸ˜

I LOVE my boys (and girls too of course!), but 6 at the same time? Hats off to you, again. "Homeschooled my 6 boys, and all of them made it safe and sound through the end if our journey, and mom is not in a mental hospital"...not sure what type of degree or credentials that would be, but impressive...very impressive 🙌🎊🎇. You should write a book (not joking, I read one written by a homeschooling mom of 4 or 5 boys??). If my nickname wasn't Dory I'd tell you the title

[KungFuPanda]

Not sure what I missed??? Never got this impression from this thread, from the OP'S post or from anyone's comments.

I think sometimes people read an observation as a judgement when none was intended.

[73349]

Meh.

I mean, good for him and all, but I don't compare myself to people like that.

 

Maybe because I have a fairly accomplished sibling (fluent in 4ish languages, math career/computer interests, competitive athlete, plays multiple instruments, great with people, yadda yadda) I see as quite capable of doing all that if interested, someone's being good at a lot of different things is not all that astonishing to me.

[Arcadia]

Is this the time when we start talking about how homeschoolers can't be socialized because they don't get around enough peers? Or that they can't be good at deeper subjects since they haven't been taught by experts in their field? Or maybe that they excel in anxiety? Or can't possibly become good leaders?

 

It stymies me that so many find it so "right" to stereotype "other" categories of people who differ from them.

Extroverts get slammed too, as if they are stealing all the limelight :lol:

 

Somehow finding the Achilles' heel of super achievers entertain some people.

 

Luckily I did not meet anyone who was condescending to me for being a SAHM. The library now is flooded with school kids doing their homework and parents doing their work or studying for certification exams. A self employed mom was doing her work while her public school daughter had reading remediation with a tutor at the library. I know way many SAHMs with engineering PhDs from hanging out at state parks and libraries, apparently many love hiking too :)

 

I know quite a few WAHDs too courtesy of Yahoo, Google and Cisco. Many of the SAHDs that I met do freelance work so technically they are S/WAHDs. They do get shut out by the ladies gossiping at the neighborhood parks in the mornings.

[rocassie]

The one person I know similar to this, hardly ever sleeps.  As in 4 hours, maybe 5 on an especially tiring day.  He was a nightmare for his parents because he rarely slept (even in infancy) and was curious beyond curious.  He is a wonderful man, and he is so thankful for his wife.  She manages the day to day life.  He has literally walk out of a shoe and never noticed.  It was his wife that pointed it out when he got home. 

Edited May 18, 2016 by cbreeding

[Bluegoat]

I think I got it. Yeah, definitely know everyone chooses different paths... it'd be terribly boring if we all did the same. I like to think we are all achievers, or super achievers... depends on the day 😃. And I hear you on the "public" issue... I think my career as a mom is as valuable (and depending on the day, maybe as busy and stressful) as anyone's else's. I am not sure everyone feels the same way? A few years ago some guy (who knew I stayed home and homeschooled my kids) patted me on my back and said "oh! You do have a brain!"...when finding out I had an Industrial Engineering degree 😮. It's been a while, but still not sure what that meant

 

I am not a violent person but I would have been really tempted to punch him in the mouth.

[mamiof5]

I am not a violent person but I would have been really tempted to punch him in the mouth.

Lol! I'm not violent either, but have to admit the thought of this made me laugh 😂

[Guest]

 

 

As someone who is the only average achiever in a family of absurd over achievers, I have really appreciated this thread. 

 

Don't forget- we aren't average. We are gloriously ordinary!!!!  :hurray:

 

Me, too!

 

We are specializing in being "gloriously ordinary " here.

[importswim]

There are just some people that really CAN do everything. I always say good for them (with no malice!)

 

I am happy to be ordinary.

[Seasider]

one word comes to mind that a lot of people do not have...

 

"money"

 

Lot of that takes money.

 

Not that they don't deserve any credit for their achievements.

I think this is a major factor. If we didn't have to take turns with tuition dollars and I could hire out household tasks and chauffeuring, I may not have a rained like his but I bet I'd be closer to it. I mean, when does he stop and do laundry?

[mamiof5]

There are just some people that really CAN do everything. I always say good for them (with no malice!)

 

I am happy to be ordinary.

I don't know... there's a lot of people that can do a lot? Definitely not everything.

[SKL]

To the comments that the astronaut had help to get where he is.

 

So did we all.

[Crimson Wife]

Yeah a SAHD is a hero and cutting edge.

 

This was not my cousin's experience. He is a sports journalist/editor with a master's from probably the top J-school in the country. He left a good job at ESPN to go freelance so he could be a SAHD. People assumed that he'd been laid off & couldn't find another position. He had not trouble resuming FT employment when his daughter turned 4 and became eligible for public pre-k.

 

[SKL]

I agree that SAHD is not considered a hero in all circles.  I know a family where the dad and mom have sort of reverse roles, and people have been pretty unkind in talking about the dad.  I think it takes an extra strong man to be able to deal with such challenges to the ego, for the sake of his family.

[Ausmumof3]

Yep. Sahd I know gets a hard time from some people about it. I think the prejudice against it is worse than against full time career mums.

[SKL]

I got the OP's tone, I think, but there were some later posters who were a little more serious.  :)

[flyingiguana]

Does he have a job?  I don't see a job in the resume.  I could get way more done if I didn't have a job. 

 

My guess is that his super achieving wife has a job.  She's probably pretty awesome.

[wintermom]

LOL did you not notice the JAWM  ?   

 

You're also reading too much into it. It doesn't make me feel bad about myself. 

 

You have no idea what I & my dh & my children achieve and how we feel about it. 

 

And who's whining? I was laughing. I do find him inspiring and lovely as I do many other people. His bio struck me as hilarious and obv it was the same for others. 

 

I originally did take this as a light-hearted thread.  I have no idea what you mean by "hilarious," though. 

Edited May 19, 2016 by wintermom

[Guest]

I actually know an astronaut who went up on the space shuttle more than once. One of my in-laws shares an acrobatic and vintage airplane type company with him. He, too, has an amazing resume. He enjoys sitting around, drinking beer, and chatting--as long as you look like you are totally blown away with listening to airplane talk. He's also not been involved with his children, but they have grown up being used to that. So there's my anecdote that not all super achievers are hunky dory in every department.

Yes and having lived in the Clear Lake area, where NASA JSC is located, and having a mother who worked there from the time she was 18 until she retired- I can assure you all that some of these spectacularly high achievers had equally scandalous personal lives that sometimes outshined their resumes. :)

 

On the other hand, dd went to school with several astronauts' kids and there were some very involved parents who were former astronauts and we would've never known had it not been common knowledge. So it varies. I count one as a friend, and would say she would laugh at this thread. She realizes she is outside of the norm! She probably say "yeah, just don't look inside my house!" :)

[LMD]

Yeah I thought we were just blah blahing.

 

That's kinda the point of message boards right?

 

In between PhDs...

[raptor_dad]

Does he have a job?  I don't see a job in the resume.  I could get way more done if I didn't have a job. 

 

My guess is that his super achieving wife has a job.  She's probably pretty awesome.

 

This is a perfect example of the "hilarious" posts that are rubbing some of us the wrong way. Being an astronaut is a job. You don't spend the summer at space camp and then wait at home until your free ride to space. He was selected as an astronaut in 2009, moved to Houston and has been doing training, research, and working in mission control since then... thats what astronauts do. Yeah... he has a pilots license, NASA wants everyone to have some flight experience. They do underwater training to simulate space at NEEMO so SCUBA is another job requirement, etc, etc...

 

Likewise, I think some folks here are viewing PhDs and postdocs and residency and fellowships as bohemian, luxury experiences and others are viewing them as real jobs with long hours and low pay that allow you to do really cool stuff. I think that disconnect is why people seem to be talking past one another.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I actually know an astronaut who went up on the space shuttle more than once. One of my in-laws shares an acrobatic and vintage airplane type company with him. He, too, has an amazing resume. He enjoys sitting around, drinking beer, and chatting--as long as you look like you are totally blown away with listening to airplane talk. He's also not been involved with his children, due to his extremely busy schedule but they have grown up being used to that and seem to take it well. Actually, you could say the same about my in-law, tho he was never an astronaut. Tippy top degrees and all that, tho.So there's my anecdote that not all super achievers are hunky dory in every department.

So obviously my ANTI achiever has cancelled out one PRO- achiever post. Who's winning now😜

 

Oh big deal.  My head is in space ALL.THE.TIME.

 

:laugh:

[Bluegoat]

This is a perfect example of the "hilarious" posts that are rubbing some of us the wrong way. Being an astronaut is a job. You don't spend the summer at space camp and then wait at home until your free ride to space. He was selected as an astronaut in 2009, moved to Houston and has been doing training, research, and working in mission control since then... thats what astronauts do. Yeah... he has a pilots license, NASA wants everyone to have some flight experience. They do underwater training to simulate space at NEEMO so SCUBA is another job requirement, etc, etc...

 

Likewise, I think some folks here are viewing PhDs and postdocs and residency and fellowships as bohemian, luxury experiences and others are viewing them as real jobs with long hours and low pay that allow you to do really cool stuff. I think that disconnect is why people seem to be talking past one another.

 

Do you seriously think she doesn't realize that being an astronaut is a job?

 

It was funny, because she does know that, and so do we.

[wintermom]

Do you seriously think she doesn't realize that being an astronaut is a job?

 

It was funny, because she does know that, and so do we.

 

If she does understand the requirements and experience, why would it strike her as funny or hilarious? What exactly was she expecting to be in the bio? I can understand being amazed, but I just don't get the "hilarious" part. What is the joke here?

[Guest]

If she does understand the requirements and experience, why would it strike her as funny or hilarious? What exactly was she expecting to be in the bio? I can understand being amazed, but I just don't get the "hilarious" part. What is the joke here?

That we can have a sense of humor and make fun of ourselves for not being overachievers? At least that's what I got out of it. We're gloriously ordinary.

[freesia]

That we can have a sense of humor and make fun of ourselves for not being overachievers? At least that's what I got out of it. We're gloriously ordinary.

Yes, this. I did too. At least that's what I was doing.

[raptor_dad]

Do you seriously think she doesn't realize that being an astronaut is a job?

 

It was funny, because she does know that, and so do we.

 

By "funny" do you mean passive aggressive.... because while Hornblower's original post is charmingly ironic in an over the top eye rolling sort of way... the latter character assassination about money and privilege and  gender roles and not having a job and all the rest is not.

[GoodGrief]

The term "overachiever" in itself is somewhat condescending, as if it is an unhealthy compulsion or something. I think the OP intended to be self-deprecating, but I can see why people are questioning some of the later posts.

 

People are people are people. I'm glad we have all sorts, with their various flaws and strengths.

[Crimson Wife]

 

Likewise, I think some folks here are viewing PhDs and postdocs and residency and fellowships as bohemian, luxury experiences and others are viewing them as real jobs with long hours and low pay that allow you to do really cool stuff. I think that disconnect is why people seem to be talking past one another.

 

Some PhD programs and post-docs really ARE luxury experiences for rich kids. Not the STEM ones by and large. But I know people who did things like hang out in Italy for several years doing dissertation research for an art history PhD. Yep, she was a trust fund baby and she used her family connections to land a cushy museum job after she finished her degree. :001_rolleyes:

 

[Garga]

The OP's post was lighthearted. There absolutely were some snarky posts that followed (not the OPs) that made me cringe.

 

I totally get why the OP used the word hilarious to describe his resume. It reminds me of a, "But wait! There's more!" commercial. Just when you think, "Surely this is all a single human can possibly accomplish in life," you keep reading of greater and greater astounding accomplishments, until you just laugh over the excess of accomplishments.