super achieving people (pretty sure this is a JAWM)

[Joyofsixreboot]

One of my kids is like this. Those people are born that way. I, and my other kids, missed the genetic bullet train.

Edited May 17, 2016 by joyofsix

[Bluegoat]

I know one or two people like that.  They are a little different, for sure.

 

I don't count them in quite the same group as people who are "accoplished".  I had one university professon for example, accomplished but not constantly doing - he spoke seven languages, he was an expert on Roman literature, he knew how to diffuse a bomb.  But - he was also someone who could be quiet and have a social life.

 

The people I know who are like the guy in the OP seem in many cases to need to be doing something, active, constantly.  As someone said, they don't tend to sleep a lot either.

 

I think it's great to be able to get so much done, but it has downsides.  My mom and sister are less extreme versions of that personality type, and even at their level, I can see how it affects them.  They cannot sit and rest easily, they cannot be satisfied until any task they have set themselves has been done to a level they consider adequate (which means to a very high level.)  They both tend to go until they become too tired to function.  Often, personal interactions can be put aside for whatever tasks are there, or they become tasks. One of the extreme types I know has a strong tendency to be attracted to "achievements" so rather than just running for health, it is a marathon, body building rather than strength training, and so on. 

[wintermom]

Do you ever just look at some super achieving people and just think "who ARE these people?"  and then laugh hysterically as you look at the out of control & constantly way behind chaos of your own lives? 

 

 

I get inspired by people like this who have goals, work hard to achieve them, are happy with their careers, and keep looking for opportunities to continue growing and doing new things. 

Edited May 17, 2016 by wintermom

[Ausmumof3]

I get inspired by people like this who have goals, work hard to achieve them, are happy with their careers, and keep looking for opportunities to continue growing and doing new things. They are more often than not, the ones who do these things on their own steam and without "silver spoons." I'm way less inspired by the silver spoon looney-tune who is currently our PM. Same age, but look at the difference in maturity level and handle on reality.

Lol maybe they should send certain politicians into space and keep this guy around to run things...

[SquirrellyMama]

Lol maybe they should send certain politicians into space and keep this guy around to run things...

Can we send all politicians into space? I bet this guy can run it all. 

 

I know a guy who is an MD and a DVM. 

 

Has anyone read Isaac's Storm. It's about Isaac Cline, who was the Weather Bureau's guy in Galveston during the big hurricane. Anyway, he went to college in TN (not sure about degree), then joined the Signal Corps to learn about meteorology, then in his free time became an MD. Later on in life got PhDs in Sociology and Psychology. 

 

My dh has only one degree, but he is a go-getter and wishes he didn't need sleep. His fantasy is a world where we don't sleep, mine is a world where we can eat and sleep at the same time. He actually has to schedule goofing off time. I can't even imagine. I never forget to goof off :)

 

Kelly

[Ravin]

I have had people get all amazed at me having homeschooled DD while going to law school. Even when I tell them as the explanation for why it took me an extra year to graduate law school. I didn't do any of the "impressive" things in law school such as get on the law journal, independent research projects, MD/JD or JD/PhD programs, lots of pro bono hours, or moot court competitions, but I knew student-parents who did.

 

I have never understood why anyone would be impressed with what I've done, except that obviously it's more than some other people have done. But there will always be guys like this to keep me humble! When it comes down to it, I spend a lot of time goofing off on the computer and my phone.

[hornblower]

I get inspired by people like this who have goals, work hard to achieve them, are happy with their careers, and keep looking for opportunities to continue growing and doing new things..

really, can we keep PM's sitting and otherwise out of it? Because I have a decade of rants stored up. This comment made about a US president wouldn't be ok on this board & I don't think it should be allowed for a Cdn PM. 

[KungFuPanda]

"Married with 2 kids" only slows women down. Men can keep up their normal pace because that stuff takes care if itself. I'm not saying it isn't impressive, but I was reading the whole list as though the person was a women. I was really impressed. When I found out it was a man it made sense. A scuba weekend away from an infant is no big deal for a dude :-/.

 

Don't get me wrong. Dude sounds awesome! I'll bet he's a great person and his accomplishments are impressive, but nobody does this without A LOT of support staff to make sure the superstar never has to waste time cleaning his own toilet. It's a luxury to be able to invest so much time in yourself.

[hornblower]

One of our theories is that he's uber multitasking. So for example, if your spouse is a Japanese physician who used to be on the Olympic sailing team and studied Russian in college, you can combine your interests for maximum efficiency. 

I don't know. I spent well over an hour yesterday convincing a scanner to give me output in pdf instead of jpeg. It's hard to imagine super achievers wasting their time like this but I'm having a hard time figuring out exactly what a super achiever would do instead, other than know better than to buy a Samsung scanner. Silly me, they'd use their engineering knowledge to fix it in 5 mins.... 

He does sound like a very nice guy btw. Frankly, that makes it worse, no? I mean at least can you be a total jerk with a super annoying laugh? 

Along with the perfect neighbours and their perfect house and their perfect children... I'm not saying they're aliens.... but....
 

[Guest]

"Married with 2 kids" only slows women down. Men can keep up their normal pace because that stuff takes care if itself. I'm not saying it isn't impressive, but I was reading the whole list as though the person was a women. I was really impressed. When I found out it was a man it made sense. A scuba weekend away from an infant is no big deal for a dude :-/.

 

Don't get me wrong. Dude sounds awesome! I'll bet he's a great person and his accomplishments are impressive, but nobody does this without A LOT of support staff to make sure the superstar never has to waste time cleaning his own toilet. It's a luxury to be able to invest so much time in yourself.

I'm telling you- wives! We are the secret to world domination.

[Ravin]

"Married with 2 kids" only slows women down. Men can keep up their normal pace because that stuff takes care if itself. I'm not saying it isn't impressive, but I was reading the whole list as though the person was a women. I was really impressed. When I found out it was a man it made sense. A scuba weekend away from an infant is no big deal for a dude :-/.

 

Don't get me wrong. Dude sounds awesome! I'll bet he's a great person and his accomplishments are impressive, but nobody does this without A LOT of support staff to make sure the superstar never has to waste time cleaning his own toilet. It's a luxury to be able to invest so much time in yourself.

 

This makes a whole lot of (negative) assumptions about this guy's marriage and parenting involvement for which you have no basis.

[KungFuPanda]

This makes a whole lot of (negative) assumptions about this guy's marriage and parenting involvement for which you have no basis.

You might be right, but the odds are pretty good that is wife is doing the lion's share of child rearing and home management. Clearly he's smart enough to assemble a competent support team.

[Crimson Wife]

This makes a whole lot of (negative) assumptions about this guy's marriage and parenting involvement for which you have no basis.

 

I'm calling it like I see it IRL and outsourcing the raising of one's kids is not limited to high-achieving men. The women who are successful in my DH's field all are either childless or have their mom/MIL living with them and raising the kids.

[theelfqueen]

Yeah, well.... yesterday - I folded laundry while I was teaching economics.

On my BIRTHDAY.

 

SO HELLO?!? Totally an overachiever!

 

[theelfqueen]

All I have to do tomorrow is buy a single stamp at the post office and I'm already trying to figure a way out of it.

 

You can print postage from your home computer :)

[mellifera33]

 

I don't know. I spent well over an hour yesterday convincing a scanner to give me output in pdf instead of jpeg. It's hard to imagine super achievers wasting their time like this but I'm having a hard time figuring out exactly what a super achiever would do instead, other than know better than to buy a Samsung scanner. Silly me, they'd use their engineering knowledge to fix it in 5 mins.... 

 

 

 

They call tech support at whatever institution employs them. And while they wait for tech support, they write a grant application, swim 50 laps, and take their children to a museum.  :lol:

[LisaKinVA]

Yeah, well.... yesterday - I folded laundry while I was teaching economics.

On my BIRTHDAY.

 

SO HELLO?!? Totally an overachiever!

 

:lol:  Sounds like my birthdays...I always kind of laugh when people ask me what I did for my birthday.  I'm like, hmmm...do laundry, and get ready for NYE party.  If I'm really lucky, someone bought me my own pint of Ben & Jerry's!

[Outdoorsy Type]

I'm guessing that he got most of his education by 35, and he didn't have children until close to 40. If you have drive, money, and no dependents you can do a lot in a couple of decades.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I'm telling you- wives! We are the secret to world domination.

 

Why I Want a Wife

[Arcadia]

You might be right, but the odds are pretty good that is wife is doing the lion's share of child rearing and home management. Clearly he's smart enough to assemble a competent support team.

 

There are many power couples where the wife is not doing the lion's share of child rearing and home management. A few of my ex-schoolmates have domestic maids, chauffeurs, servants quarters in their family compound growing up.  For some couples, it is the wife who is the super achiever while the husband is relatively laid back.

 

Also American college system seems to be longer.  Back home,  MBBS takes 5 years while a PhD takes 7 years (including BSc, Msc and PhD). People who didn't accelerate enter college at 18 and get their PhD at 25, and some marry while in college. So tag on another 5 years for medical school and 2 years of Medical officer after that and it is possible to be a general practitioner at 32,

[raptor_dad]

As someone slightly younger who watched Challenger blow up live in junior high, I like his bio. I won a handful of NASA contests after that and got to be bused across town for satellite video conferences or walk across the stage and get a certificate  from an real astronaut. The one piece of advice I consistently remember from that era was to not focus on ticking off the boxes to become an astronaut(eagle scout, air force, physics phd,etc) but to just become the best in the world at what we did(in STEM obviously ;)) So, while his background is somewhat stereotyped, I appreciate the fact he isn't military and is more diverse than the other candidate Canadian astronaut(unfair as that might be).

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'm telling you- wives! We are the secret to world domination.

 

Yes.

 

Better not pi$$ us off if you want to live.

 

:laugh:

[Guest]

Why I Want a Wife

Well. She's a little demanding. I'm not so sure I would require that much from my own wife, but it's a nice start. Off to write my own personal ad. :d

 

ETA: Watch out world! Here I come!

Edited May 17, 2016 by texasmom33

[creekland]

This makes a whole lot of (negative) assumptions about this guy's marriage and parenting involvement for which you have no basis.

 

I agree with you 100%.  I'm reading some of these assumptions from many posters and scratching my head because they totally don't fit those I know IRL in the super achiever category.

 

I think people want them to be true so they can justify "something," but IRL, it just isn't what I see - at least - not any more than with the dude/dudess who opts to spend their free time in the bar, with video games, or watching TV.  

 

Once again, people skills (and tasks) just don't correlate with what someone chooses to do in life.  All of my kiddos clean toilets - even after they left home.

[SKL]

LOL.  Here's a funny.  Once around 2000 I was chatting with my boss, and the topic of medical school came up.  He said I should go for it.  He started getting mad because I thought it was kind of out there at that point.  I was 30+, a lawyer, MBA, CPA.  Yeah, I like biology and am good at it.  I had just got done paying off my student loans and was broke.  Borrowing $100K to launch a new career didn't sound smart at that point.  Had I had the money, maybe I would have.

 

I didn't become a parent until late 2007.  So maybe I could have added MD to my quals by then.  Ha!

 

And if I had a spouse to help take care of the kids ....

 

But the other funny thing is that some people actually think I'm one of those high achievers.  The thing is that once I get going, I have a lot of stamina.  It takes me hours to get going each day, but then watch out.  So when my kids get home from school, it's easy for me to go from work to afterschooling to multiple activities and back to work again.  Sounds awesome.  Just don't mess with me the following morning.  :p

 

So my sister, who is younger with younger kids (and a husband so she doesn't have to work full time), tries to do all that with her evenings/weekends.  It makes her somewhat crazy.  I am sorry for making it seem like it should be easy.  Maybe I should send her a photo of me in the morning....

Edited May 17, 2016 by SKL

[Luckymama]

I agree with you 100%. I'm reading some of these assumptions from many posters and scratching my head because they totally don't fit those I know IRL in the super achiever category.

 

I think people want them to be true so they can justify "something," but IRL, it just isn't what I see - at least - not any more than with the dude/dudess who opts to spend their free time in the bar, with video games, or watching TV.

 

Once again, people skills (and tasks) just don't correlate with what someone chooses to do in life. All of my kiddos clean toilets - even after they left home.

I absolutely agree. We have several friends who are "super achievers" with multiple advanced degrees in different disciplines, internationally-known in their fields, who fluently speak multiple languages...who are also fun to hang out with, who are active parents and spouses, who are modest and self-effacing.

 

I have birthed someone who might very well become a super achiever. She finds it uncomfortable to be alternately praised, quizzed, and disparaged for her accomplishments, drive, and goals.

[heartlikealion]

Notice there's nothing there about music or the arts? 

 

Slacker. 

 

If I were writing an imaginary bio I'd make him play an instrument and compete in lindy hop. 

 

But maybe he plays an instrument and just doesn't have any certificates/degrees/etc. to prove it? lol

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Maybe they come in a different brand in Australia.

 

Dh knows a lot of these people - he's an academic, after all.  I can tell you that these people have zero interest in people who are not of equal or higher 'status' - and as a stay at home mommy - albeit a smart one with prior accomplishments - they expect a lot of interest and admiration, and don't give a lot ( any) of it back.

 

Actually, maybe that's just the writers we know. There's a reason I gave up on accompanying dh to awards nights. Oh my, the egos! Especially the blokes. Could be that high flying flute playing astronaut medics are nicer.

 

Relatedness isn't 'people skills'. High fliers often have good people skills. Relatedness is a quiet, listening affirming patience over time. My personal experience is that so called ordinary people are often really good at it. Maybe because they are not in any kind of goal conflict. 

 

Deep relatedness isn't the same as being fun, or being modest. It's an ongoing committed time investment in other people one to one. It's not a slam on extremely accomplished people who are engaged in those accomplishments for many many hours per day to point out that even if they don't sleep, they still have 24 hours, and the 16 hours they use  on curing cancer ( thank goodness! ) or writing music (yep, lived with a composer, btdt) is 16 hours they don't have for time investment in intimate relationship with others.

 

There are all kinds of accomplishments in this world, and the quiet ones are no less worthy of admiration than the very public ones. In fact, the quiet accomplishments that receive no reward or acknowledgement and are done despite that, are possibly worth more admiration. 

 

I had a similar experience in Germany.  Like I wasn't even there.  Just a piece of furniture I guess.  Maybe I'll get noticed if someone trips on me. 

 

[SKL]

Maybe it would be more fair to compare him to other dads vs. moms.  Not trying to be sexist, just realistic.

 

My impression of his resume is that he's smart, focused, dedicated, confident.  Well, I guess you would expect that from an astronaut.  :)  You can be all those things and still be a nice guy, a good dad.

 

While all responsible life paths deserve respect, I almost get the impression that people are giving this guy demerits for not changing more diapers or being Minivan Dad.  (Which, maybe he does when he's not in space.)  OK so I will make the politically incorrect statement that having a good education and a challenging, world-changing career is a great example for kids - your own and others'.  If he has a wife who is a good mom to his kids, more power to him.  A kid with two decent parents - or even one - is in a better place than many.

[SparklyUnicorn]

There is a strong disdain for women who choose to stay home with children. It's seen as a waste of potential, and it's a short jump from 'you've wasted your potential ' to 'you are a waste of my time'.

 

I know how differently people treated me before I started studying again - "Hey, I'm Sadie and I stay at home with my three kids and educate them!' - compared to how they treat me now - 'Hey, I'm Sadie, and I'm studying for a second career in psychology'. The first garners dismissal, the second garners approval and (some) interest. 

 

Well it must be something worse than that because at the time I was married, but had no children and was working.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Maybe that guy was just an arse.  It was the only time I experienced that snobbiness. 

 

Maybe I read him wrong, I don't know, but I don't think I did.

 

 

[Guest]

Well it must be something worse than that because at the time I was married, but had no children and was working.

I bet it was the sparkles.

[Georgiana Daniels]

Laundry ...he doesn't do laundry.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I bet it was the sparkles.

 

Probably.  All that sparkle is probably intimidating.

 

LOL

[Onceuponatime]

I have friends who are over achievers. They are a couple and well matched in their interests and drive to do, do, do. They are nice people, fun to talk to and would do anything for you if you were in need. But... Even though I wouldn't say it to them, I find them a little patronizing. I get the feeling when I am with them that they aren't very interested in the real me. And they always pick up the tab. If they think there might be a protest, they arrange to pay beforehand, so there is no choice without making a scene. For some reason I find that irritating.

Edited May 17, 2016 by Onceuponatime

[Guest]

Do you ever just look at some super achieving people and just think "who ARE these people?" and then laugh hysterically as you look at the out of control & constantly way behind chaos of your own lives?

 

This morning the Canadian Space Agency announced who we're sending up to space next.

 

BEng in engineering physics. Ok.

 

PhD in Astrophysics. Of course. Astronauts are super smart.

 

At Cambridge. Ok. Super super smart.

 

But then, also an MD. Because.

 

Specializes in first line isolated medical practice. Handy for the Cdn Arctic! And hello, oh so convenient for space!

 

Cycles. Mountaineers. Sails. Scuba. (when, exactly??)

 

Commercial pilot licence.

 

Fluently bilingual and speaks Russian, Japanese, and Spanish. Because, of course.

 

Then I thought - aha, probably is a workaholic with no family... nope. Married w/ 2 kids.

 

I mean HOW??????

 

 

I started laughing at this bio because if I was writing a funny fictional over the top bio it would sort of sound like this.

 

 

Like, what doesn't he do????

I know, right? Reading/learning stuff like this makes me go, "Oh. I suck. I've been totally pwned by a written bio. I am a worm. What the hell is wrong with me?"

 

My kids' sports medicine doctor and his wife are like this. When he learned my DD is studying French, he started speaking fluently to her. Then he reveals that his wife is fluent in eight languages. EIGHT! And at some point, we talked about the US Air Force Academy and he said he was accepted there and wanted to go, but he was too tall to fly airplanes. (Presumably true, because he's like 6'8".) DD was in NHS; he understood this perfectly because he was head of his school's chapter in high school. And so on. It was like everything more I learn about him or his wife just makes me wonder why I'm such a do-nothing slacker.

 

But I can make a mean wizard Halloween costume and can bake GF brownies from scratch that you would never guess are GF. Does that count?

[marbel]

Well, someone is looking after the kids while he's in space, and it's not him, long distance.

 

Which is fine. Not my business how other families organize their child care duties.

 

But yeah, often, very often, women (wives, mothers, daughters) are the invisible enablers of a man's success. Especially, but not only, once children arrive.

 

It's a long story, in all the history books, and we haven't reached the last page yet.

 

I have seen that in the business world.  Very high achieving men, who travel a lot, often have wives who are at home with the kids.  In my experience, the woman were mostly happy with that setup.  I remember in particular one woman who was very active in volunteer work (she and her husband did not have kids).  She wasn't a high-ranking exec with any charities, because she wanted to be available for her husband, but she was busy and happy. 

 

I wouldn't mind being an invisible enabler of my husband's success.  Well, actually, I have, though he would not be counted among the super high achievers described in this thread.  But he has said many times that his life and work were so much easier because he never had to worry about anything at home because I was taking care of things. And yes, taking care of the kids.  That was/is OK by me.  I wasn't invisible to him! 

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I gave up my career to stay home and support my husband's career. When he retired from the military, *I* received recognition from the military in the form of public praise at the ceremony and an official DoD framed certificate. I thought that was very nice, and it is good that the military recognizes that the spouses are the ones who make it possible for the active duty member to succeed.*

 

*(I have known single military members, parents even, who are able to have successful careers, but it is hard. Oh, so hard for them.)

 

That's kick @$$.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I agree with you 100%.  I'm reading some of these assumptions from many posters and scratching my head because they totally don't fit those I know IRL in the super achiever category.

 

I think people want them to be true so they can justify "something," but IRL, it just isn't what I see - at least - not any more than with the dude/dudess who opts to spend their free time in the bar, with video games, or watching TV.  

 

Once again, people skills (and tasks) just don't correlate with what someone chooses to do in life.  All of my kiddos clean toilets - even after they left home.

 

I'm jealous that someone gets to manage all that with support.  I suspect it's like that for a lot of people. 

[Ausmumof3]

I think it's normal to compare ourselves to other people and try to identify why they may be more or differently successful. It may even be helpful. Either as a way of identifying behaviours that hold us back and changing them or as a way of identifying and accepting the reasons we made different choices due to different values.

 

I also think part of the reason we do it less as we get older is because we've identified the factors and moved on (lack of family support, different culture, lack of money or opportunity or higher value on time with our kids or just a different set of Interests or whatever) and the only the other reason is because it eventually becomes too late to change the course anyway. If you haven't achieved at a certain level by a certain point in life you probably won't and it's more helpful to look at what realistic options you actually have available than the ones you didn't. This may be why we compare to people a bit more similar to us as it's more likely that small differences in their lives they make might be achievable in ours. (Maybe I can get up an hour earlier, spend more money on clothes or furniture, do this a little smarter and achieve a better result.)

[Ausmumof3]

All that basically was to say that acknowledging life factors doesn't take away from the persons achievements. I'm mostly grateful to the super achievers out there because I don't wanna have to be one.

 

That doesn't mean that I don't think the foster mums and social workers or teachers and Childcare workers etc etc are less valuable to society overall.

[Ausmumof3]

I know, right? Reading/learning stuff like this makes me go, "Oh. I suck. I've been totally pwned by a written bio. I am a worm. What the hell is wrong with me?"

 

My kids' sports medicine doctor and his wife are like this. When he learned my DD is studying French, he started speaking fluently to her. Then he reveals that his wife is fluent in eight languages. EIGHT! And at some point, we talked about the US Air Force Academy and he said he was accepted there and wanted to go, but he was too tall to fly airplanes. (Presumably true, because he's like 6'8".) DD was in NHS; he understood this perfectly because he was head of his school's chapter in high school. And so on. It was like everything more I learn about him or his wife just makes me wonder why I'm such a do-nothing slacker.

 

But I can make a mean wizard Halloween costume and can bake GF brownies from scratch that you would never guess are GF. Does that count?

Making gluten free anything that doesn't taste gluten free is a superpower...

[Arcadia]

It boils down to the social circles we are in. Being a SAHW/SAHM by choice in my social circle means my hubby brings home enough that I can choose to stay home or work. My maternal aunt married in her teens into a relatively wealthy family, she was envied for being a SAHW then SAHM.

 

Knowing multiple languages wouldn't be odd as being at least bilingual is a given in Asia with English being a lingua franca. Knowing more than two is a business advantage.

 

I'm at the library now while my kids attend the library's movie night which is Alice in Wonderland and there is free popcorn. Parents are at the library doing work on laptops using free wifi and electricity while the movie night is free childcare for 2 hours.

 

I am an extrovert energizer bunny so my social buddies during college days are the kind who thinks double majors or double masters aren't a biggie, are out pub crawling on friday night and popping champagne when end of year exams end. My hubby enjoys parties too and would work round his schedule to go to all the parties we are invited to.

[Guest]

There are many power couples where the wife is not doing the lion's share of child rearing and home management. A few of my ex-schoolmates have domestic maids, chauffeurs, servants quarters in their family compound growing up. For some couples, it is the wife who is the super achiever while the husband is relatively laid back.

 

Also American college system seems to be longer. Back home, MBBS takes 5 years while a PhD takes 7 years (including BSc, Msc and PhD). People who didn't accelerate enter college at 18 and get their PhD at 25, and some marry while in college. So tag on another 5 years for medical school and 2 years of Medical officer after that and it is possible to be a general practitioner at 32,

But it seems having a "staff" basically makes the point even more than having a wife. You either marry the support system or you hire the support system, but either way you aren't doing it by your one and only....it's impossible to have it all, male or female.

[SKL]

 And they always pick up the tab. If they think there might be a protest, they arrange to pay beforehand, so there is no choice without making a scene. For some reason I find that irritating.

 

I had a friend like that.  It made me so uncomfortable that I dropped her as my friend.  I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that's kind of rude.  In my case there wasn't a wealthier/less wealthy aspect, just ... I don't know what.  Not treating your "friend" as an equal is rude.  :/

[SKL]

Many of us are content to be in the background though.  In fact, there have been many times I've passed on an opportunity because it would involve more visibility than I would want.

 

I have a decent resume.  Nothing to be ashamed of.  An interesting enough combination of education, work experience, talents, interests, and party tricks.  :P  But I wouldn't and couldn't compare myself to an astronaut.  That's OK.

 

His having a really cool resume should be inspirational to young people.  When I was a kid, everyone wanted to know what they needed to do in order to become an astronaut.  We'd see the list of credentials and think, hmm, maybe, if we stay curious about science, do well in school, and stay fit!  And I think it did motivate many kids to focus a little more on good things.

 

Truth be told, if I'd wanted very much to be a doctor and an astronaut, I might not have succeeded.  I'm not profoundly gifted.  I inherited some dyslexia and ASD tendencies.  I'm easily distracted.  I was never a confident person, especially when young.  To attend a good college in undergrad, I would have had to be a real trail blazer given that I was a girl from a rural working-class family.  Just not very likely, even if I had really wanted it.  But mostly, I didn't really want it.  At all.  :P  Ah well, we can't all be rocket men (and women).

[Arcadia]

But it seems having a "staff" basically makes the point even more than having a wife.

Public schools that were a good fit from preK to college helped my parents and cousins generation too to have more time to excel in their pursuits.

 

I am basically saying it does not have to be the stay at home spouse that is behind/supporting every high/super achiever.

 

If that is the case then won't a lot of us be failures as SAHMs for not having "super achieving" spouses?

[creekland]

I can tell you that these people have zero interest in people who are not of equal or higher 'status' - and as a stay at home mommy - albeit a smart one with prior accomplishments - they expect a lot of interest and admiration, and don't give a lot ( any) of it back.

 

Actually, maybe that's just the writers we know.

...

 

It's not a slam on extremely accomplished people who are engaged in those accomplishments for many many hours per day to point out that even if they don't sleep, they still have 24 hours, and the 16 hours they use  on curing cancer ( thank goodness! ) or writing music (yep, lived with a composer, btdt) is 16 hours they don't have for time investment in intimate relationship with others. 

 

Is this the time when we start talking about how homeschoolers can't be socialized because they don't get around enough peers?  Or that they can't be good at deeper subjects since they haven't been taught by experts in their field?  Or maybe that they excel in anxiety?  Or can't possibly become good leaders?

 

It stymies me that so many find it so "right" to stereotype "other" categories of people who differ from them.

 

Here's what ONE friend (one of many) wrote to my super achiever in the making son last week for his birthday, just prior to graduation:

 

Happy Belated Birthday! You are by far one of the most intelligent individuals I have ever had the opportunity to meet. You are always so welcoming and inclusive and thats why people gravitate towards you. As you know college was not easy for me on both an academic and personal level but you were always there to help me in my time of need. You never even thought about it twice. Your greatest trait about you is not your intelligence but rather your selflessness. You exemplify that same selflessness that the bible speaks of. You are actually someone I look up to in that regard. I know we did not get to accomplish everything we said we would do but nonetheless its been an honor to call you a friend, a brother, and my partner in crime these past four years. I truly and deeply wish you the best in all your future endeavors and can not wait to hear about all the amazing things that you will do in this life.

 

We all know he has to be lying, because there's no way my guy had time to truly develop friendships.   :cursing:

[creekland]

Another fairly recent incident comes to mind.  I was flying home from seeing youngest perform in a play at college in FL and was seated next to a highly accomplished research doctor on his way to NIH.  We had a blast discussing his job and my experience with public schools and homeschooling.  At the end he told me he hates telling people what he does because so many either judge him as being an "uppity up" and start acting weird or they start telling him all about their medical problems wanting him to somehow fix them.  (He's an eye doctor - researching restoring sight to those who have gone blind.)

 

We are also friends with a pretty high achiever guy who refuses to tell (new) people what he does for a living, because they immediately judge him on that (he's a relatively high up banker - who is also an immigrant and spends tons of his free time volunteering helping other immigrants and folks in other countries not just his own).

 

I don't doubt there are some who are snobs, but I doubt it's any more prevalent than those who are less achieving and are also snobs - dissing those not in "their" categories."

 

How, or how much, folks relate to others is NOT correlated to their life achievements.  

Edited May 18, 2016 by creekland

[Bluegoat]

There are many power couples where the wife is not doing the lion's share of child rearing and home management. A few of my ex-schoolmates have domestic maids, chauffeurs, servants quarters in their family compound growing up.  For some couples, it is the wife who is the super achiever while the husband is relatively laid back.

 

Also American college system seems to be longer.  Back home,  MBBS takes 5 years while a PhD takes 7 years (including BSc, Msc and PhD). People who didn't accelerate enter college at 18 and get their PhD at 25, and some marry while in college. So tag on another 5 years for medical school and 2 years of Medical officer after that and it is possible to be a general practitioner at 32,

 

I think the real point is though that when a parent or both parents work that way, there will inevitably be someone - paid or family - taking up the slack at home.