WWYD? Son is being held back at local christian school.

[Carra]

I did not read all the responses, so if this is a repeat I apologize. Where I live there are reading courses at the local university over the summer for children who need extra practice and help with reading. The cost seems reasonable.

[Haiku]

I do not want him to have the idea that 4^th grade is a possibility at this point. 

 

Holy bananas! The principal of the school does not want your son to have the idea that he could succeed.

 

SMH.

[lllll]

nm

Edited May 17, 2016 by _ ?^..

[The Governess]

Holy bananas! The principal of the school does not want your son to have the idea that he could succeed.

 

SMH.

Yeah, this. :(

[ElizabethB]

I've heard wonderful things about your lessons. :) 

 

:blushing:  :blushing:  :001_smile:

Thanks!

[8filltheheart]

Did the school do anything at all to nurture and advance his math abilities?

 

FWIW, after re-reading the letters, I suspect one of the issues is that their perception that he was not receiving adequate support at home and that means 4th grade will become unmanageable for him by himself.  I wonder if you had an established support system in place that will help him stay on track if they might be more open to advancing him.  There is a leap in work load between 3rd and 4th grade in traditional classroom settings b/c up through 3rd the main goal is learning to master reading and beginning to read to learn.  4th grader reading to learn is pretty much the norm.  From their perspective, not reading means not keeping up and constantly falling farther and farther behind in class.  That sounds like it is not something they are equipped to deal with in their classrooms.  He might end up feeling overwhelmed and defeated emotionally which will also not be a good situation.

 

I don't have any realistic suggestions for you, but the other part of this is the reality of what he might face in that classroom without adequate support.   This is such a difficult issue to have to cope with in a private school.  I hope you can find a solution that works best for his real needs.

[MaryMak07]

As a former teacher I strongly encourage you NOT to hold him back a 2nd time. Our school only retained in K-1and NEVER twice. Way too many issues with self esteem and especially problems that develop later. If he hadn't been held back already it might be different (still hard) but given that he has it seems like a bad idea

[scoutingmom]

Do not hold him back again!

 

If legal in your state, I'd be tempted to pay another homeschooler to work with him. This might be hard to find a good match though. I'd get him evaluated for LD's

 

Otherwise, I'd register him at public school in grade 4, request evaluations for LD's and for an IEP, see what accomodations are possible. Audiobooks should be available for his work. I'd hire a reading tutor (unless the PS supplies a good one) and avoid the current one. I'd look for an Orton-Gillingham tutor if possible.

 

He is smart and capable of challenging work, while also working on reading skills. As homeschooling isn't possible at this point, you need to do what you can to find it for him. That private school isn't it.

 

Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk

[Michelle My Bell]

Michelle, what curriculum does the school use? 

 

 

A mix of BJU press and other things. Not sure of everything. 

[Incognito]

It sounds like the school cares about your son and it also sounds like they judge you a bit for his being behind.  They say he didn't get enough support from you at home (and they say he is overly naive and immature - is he?  Or are they seeing what they want to see when looking at a homeschooled kid?).  

 

I know nothing about your homeschool journey, so please don't be offended by this comment.  Perhaps you were an unschooler who was even too busy to unschool and your son didn't get any reading instruction before this school (I don't think that is true, but it's possible).  If your son really was behind because you didn't teach him, the interventions that were done would have caught him up if there wasn't an underlying reason he was having such a hard time learning to read.  Now, say you did teach him - and it wasn't working.  And now they've had a tutor AND done FastForWord.  And he's still struggling.  It means there is a learning difference there somewhere.  Something is getting in the way of him succeeding.  Maybe he needs a different style of tutor or intervention.  Maybe he has a hearing issue.  Maybe a vision issue.  Maybe he's dyslexic.  Are his naivete and social immaturity actually there, and part of a bigger picture?  I have no idea.  But SOMETHING is going on.  He's bright and he's struggling.  I'd look for why.  Evaluations will help you see where to look and how to help.

    

Have you looked into dyslexia?  If they were using FastForWord - is this tutor the one from that program, or a different tutor?  How often did he use the program and has he completed what the program thinks is all he can currently benefit from?  

 

If he was blind and unable to read, would he never be allowed into 4th grade too?  It's not fair for a child who is mentally capable to be held back.  I'd look into things like learningally to see if the textbooks are available on audiobook.  There are all sorts of ways for dyslexic kids to move forward in their learning while remediating the reading.  If he is dyslexic or not - if he is able to understand the material and it is only the reading in the way, that shouldn't keep him from moving forward.

[Michelle My Bell]

Well thank you all! I have a lot to think about and investigate. 

 

What I have already set into motion is to set up a study area in our quiet family room. I made him a reading chair with reading books at his current reading level. He sat and read two books already. I will have him do independent reading and reading with me each day. I will slightly increase the reading level each week throughout the summer. I will give him studied dictation exercises from his books to help with his spelling skills. 

 

I will continue having him work on the computer program the school wants him to do throughout the summer. 

 

I am going to start using the online phonics videos 2x a day http://www.thephonicspage.org/Phonics%20Lsns/phonicslsnslinks.html

 

I am investigating the local public schools and also looking into getting an IEP. 

 

I told all my kids the computer is off limits from now on. If they aren't doing something useful on it, then they aren't on it. My son loves to play games on it and I feel that fresh air and sunshine  or creative play (like legos) in addition to studies is the best use of his time. 

 

Chores and Responsibilities - I am going to increase my son's responsibilities as he currently has none. He is the youngest of 5 and I suspect he has become lazy in all areas of his life because he has always been the baby of the family. I think that there is a real chance that he has been lazy in learning to read. I don't know this for a fact, but I want to increase his character in this area. 

 

This is what I have so far. 

[EKS]

I do not like the tone of those letters.  My first choice for a kid like this would be to homeschool him until his asynchrony stabilizes.  My second choice would be to put him in public school.  If you go the public school route, be sure to request an IEP evaluation in writing the day you enroll him.

[BlsdMama]

I sent you a PM. :)

[Storygirl]

:grouphug:

 

Reading your update, I think you are on the right track with thinking about an IEP. If you need advice about the process, please consider posting on the Learning Challenges board. We talk about the IEP process a lot over there, and it's important for you to understand all the legalities. Given what you have written, I would suspect some learning disabilities.

 

The current school sounds like they care but are not equipped to handle learning differences. He probably needs to be at a school with a strong intervention team. There are some private schools like that, but they are few and far between. The public school would be highly likely to enroll him in the fourth grade but give him proper supports and services once he had an IEP in place.

 

Start the IEP process now, because the process can take months. To start the process, you need to submit a written request (it must be in writing) to your public school's special education department, saying that you suspect learning disabilities and want evaluations. Before the school year ends, ask his current teachers and his tutor to write up a report about his difficulties in the classroom this year -- once you are enrolled in another school, they will be much less likely to help you in that way, but the information they have to offer from this year will be extremely valuable for the evaluation team.

[BlsdMama]

 

 

Chores and Responsibilities - I am going to increase my son's responsibilities as he currently has none. He is the youngest of 5 and I suspect he has become lazy in all areas of his life because he has always been the baby of the family. I think that there is a real chance that he has been lazy in learning to read. I don't know this for a fact, but I want to increase his character in this area. 

 

 

 

I LOVE that you are actively seeking ways to help him.  I love that you're his advocate and that you're proactive.  Love it!  :) But can I just comment on this?

 

Learning to read is not a character issue.  This kid struggles.  He has had a private tutor and direct teaching.  He is still struggling.  That's NOT typical.  It isn't a reflection of his intelligence or his character.  Now, it's possible we have a chicken and egg scenario here.  Which would you prefer to appear?  Lazy or dumb?  I'd pick lazy....  Beyond that, if he does have dyslexia (and  you can see my recent blog posts and my PM) then he could very well struggle with just some plain old executive functions.  You might want to pick up Smart but Scattered if you're a reader.   But whatever you do, please, I beg you, don't tie his reading to character flaws.  This is climbing a mountain for him.

 

Also - it is very doubtful the videos will help him.  It's passive learning.  He probably needs a multi-sensory approach to learn - think hands/tiles/touch.

Edited May 16, 2016 by BlsdMama

[Incognito]

Well thank you all! I have a lot to think about and investigate...

 

Chores and Responsibilities - I am going to increase my son's responsibilities as he currently has none. He is the youngest of 5 and I suspect he has become lazy in all areas of his life because he has always been the baby of the family. I think that there is a real chance that he has been lazy in learning to read. I don't know this for a fact, but I want to increase his character in this area. 

 

This is what I have so far. 

 

You have a lot of great ideas there, that will likely be very positive things for your son.  I want to gently ask, though, do you really think he's lazy about this?  Most kids really do want to succeed.  I said what I did above, and this here, because I have a child like yours.  Testing made a huge difference for me in how I work with this child.  And it helped me see and understand a lot more of what was in front of me.  What seemed like laziness was a disability mixed in with rigid thinking (lack of flexible thinking skills).  My child could not succeed in the school system in the past, but with hard work and interventions (including FastForWord), I think my child could succeed now - with the caveat that the school would need to follow the IEP and allow for accommodations.

 

And for what it is worth, the idea of a learning difference may feel scary, but we all learn differently.  Finding a path to make learning less difficult isn't cheating, it's evening the playing field.  

[Bluegoat]

Holy bananas! The principal of the school does not want your son to have the idea that he could succeed.

 

SMH.

 

I am not sure that is a fair interpretation.  If the principle thinks there is a good chance he won't be far enough along, how will he feel to hear that at the end of the summer after he has worked hard.  And that is a lot of pressure on a child over something he has little control over.

 

Setting someone up for failure is not a kind thing to do.

[Rosie_0801]

Also - it is very doubtful the videos will help him.  It's passive learning.  He probably needs a multi-sensory approach to learn - think hands/tiles/touch.

 

Not if Michelle is watching them *with* her son.

[Lecka]

On teasing at public school, my younger son has a developmental delay and he is not bullied.

 

There is a commitment at his school, starting with the principal, to the students who have developmental delays.

 

This is very important and it is something where the school culture matters.

 

But if you have a public school with a good school culture, I think this is something where you don't have to assume he would be bullied or teased.

 

You can ask if they have any anti-bullying programs too, and whether they seem to be important in the school or just going through the motions.

 

It is a very different atmosphere and mindset than when I was in elementary school.

[Lecka]

Separately the tutor's letter seemed to have zero intimation of laziness in what she sees at school. She does not seem to describe a student who just needs to buckle down.

 

It reads like she thinks he is working to his ability.

 

Before you blame him, think about the prior years when he didn't make progress. That is why he is behind now! Asking him to go from nothing to a 4th grade level is asking for a huge amount of progress.

 

Saying he didn't go from a non-reader to reading at a 4th grade level, and so he is lazy, doesn't make sense.

 

I agree with not repeating a grade.

 

However: if he is making progress with Fast Forward and he hasn't completed it, maybe you need to keep him in Fast Forward.

 

If you change, you would need as much detail as possible from the tutor about what has worked with him this year.

 

Edit: I don't mean something was wrong with the instruction in previous years.

 

I just mean ---- to go from non-reader to 4th grade reading level in one school year sounds like it is a massive amount of progress to make in one year.

Edited May 16, 2016 by Lecka

[Terabith]

Honestly, I see their point, and I would consider it except for the fact that he is already a year too old! That's just not a good situation and it is not one that will go away as he gets older.

 

I would send him to public school. Start the IEP process now. Get an audiology/ CAPD screening, an evaluation by a speech therapist, and an exam and screening from a covd certified optometrist. I would look into private neuropsych testing.

 

I would see what could be done about getting Fast Forward over the summer. Have him take the Barton pretest from Susan Barton's website and if he passes, either start tutoring him with that or hire a OG tutor. If not, see if you can find a LIPS tutor. I would get Nessy and Read Write Type for the computer. And I would go to the library and really push audiobooks.

 

But under these circumstances, no. No repeating.

[Michelle My Bell]

Yes, I don't tie in his laziness with his reading ability. I just want to instill in him a good work ethic. When I mentioned he needed to work on his reading over the summer he wanted nothing to do with it. I understand he is only 10 and really, who would want to spend the summer working? We all need breaks right? But I want him to embrace this challenge and believe in himself. 

 

Also, I do plan to work right along side him for everything I outlined, including the videos. If anyone has any other suggestions, I am open. 

[Professormom]

After seeing the letters from the school, I would still not hold him back in that school.

 

Based only on the information you have shared, I would not hold him back at all. He has already been held back a year. Do the writers of those letters copied above realize this? Maybe they think he is young because he is small.

 

I am also uncomfortable with the comment that some of his classmates will also be held back. Sounds like they hold kids back more than they should.

 

Additionally, you say his grades were good. Why were his grades good if he was failing? Maybe if they communicated earlier that he was failing, you would have known to get him some help after school. That would bug me. (But I don't know whether that is normal procedure for schools nowadays?) I have a child who has to work very hard to keep up in school, and I do consider "good grades" to be an indicator that she isn't at risk of repeating. Seems reasonable to me.

 

I think I would pursue the PS or homeschooling and move on with 4th grade. Maybe he could re-enter his school when his reading is better. Maybe it could even happen during 4th grade. We have transfers into my kids' school at all times throughout the year. Maybe you could encourage him to work harder on his reading so that he could go back and be with his friends sooner rather than later. Or maybe he will like the PS just fine.

:iagree:

 

The "good grades" thing is especially troubling to me. A child getting good grades and then being held back? That makes no sense.

 

Multiple kids in a private school being held back is concerning as well. I would want to know more about that because they seem so nonchalant about it.

 

It sounds like they understood you to be on the same page during the meeting with them and then shifting perspective because your son was upset. I would not maintain his emotional state as the focus going forward. The main thing to focus on is that he is struggling with something organic and you are committed to making sure that doesn't get swept under the rug, no matter where you choose to school him in the future. Maintain a professional demeanor, and stay focused on how to move forward. Even to a layman, this does look very much like some type of LD, especially because he has already been held back once before.

 

The financial model for a private school is one of the worst business models out there. It is long hours for little money (unless you are endowed :lol: ) Of course they don't want to lose one or two students. And, they probably do genuinely care about his well-being. But, I am seeing a short-sightedness that I wouldn't personally take a chance on. This is not the same thing as a kid getting upset because you took away screen time. As many of the other posters have said, two years behind is huge and that gap doesn't close, it widens as they get older.

 

Plus, if he is 2e, he would be better served in a place that could feed his strengths while working in weak areas. And, frankly, if there is no 2e and he is behind behaviorally, there is no guarantee that one more year of the same is going to do any kind of good. When I look at their solution in terms of risk/benefit ratio, I see the risk to be heavily weighted without a whole lot of upside potential:-(

 

This is a crummy position, but he is lucky he has someone who is willing to work to figure out what will be best for him long-term. :grouphug:

[Haiku]

Setting someone up for failure is not a kind thing to do.

 

Neither is saying, "Don't bother working hard to improve. You have no chance. Your fate is sealed."

[mamamoose]

At least around here, private schools aren't required to do anything like that. They can hold him back or advance him or kick him out or accept him entirely at their prerogative. The only exception would be if it violated federal discrimination laws somehow, such as if they rejected him or held him back based on race or something. Private schools typically have vast powers to do as they wish in terms of student learning.

If he is dyslexic, or has any other disability, then holding him back is discrimination. I am almost sure they are required to provide testing, if they are accredited. Can anyone else verify?

[katilac]

After reading those emails, I would strongly encourage you to enroll him in public school.  

 

I agree, particularly after the updates. And don't be too put off by a school's bad reputation or ranking. Go see it yourself. A school with lots of under-performing students isn't going to be ranked well, but they are often very good at accommodations and interventions, exactly what your son needs. 

 

 

Holy bananas! The principal of the school does not want your son to have the idea that he could succeed.

 

SMH.

 

I actually don't have a problem with this, although she could have worded it a bit better. In my first response, I stated that finding out at the end of summer if he can go into 4th-grade or not would be my last choice, because it's far too much pressure and stress. If they honestly feel that there is little to no chance of him succeeding in 4th-grade at their school, and if they aren't keen on leaving the door open, then I say kudos for being upfront about it. 

 

It would be awful for him to work hard all summer and then be so disappointed (plus not having other plans in place), and it really sounds like something else is at play here. Many kids do learn to read 'late' but they also tend to plow through the beginner levels fairly quickly when they are 9 and older. 

 

I don't think he should repeat a grade at this school. Lots of negatives and I don't think small private schools are equipped to deal with learning differences. I think it's terrible that they gave him good grades and then sprung this on him at the end of the year, but that's done, time to move on to the next step. 

 

OP, most kids in this situation aren't going to be eager to embrace the challenge or quick to believe in themselves. That takes more emotional maturity than most 10-yr-olds have. Just proceed with planning and working. Don't turn his lack of enthusiasm into a thing. 

[Farrar]

If he is dyslexic, or has any other disability, then holding him back is discrimination. I am almost sure they are required to provide testing, if they are accredited. Can anyone else verify?

 

According to the OP, he doesn't have a verified diagnosis. But even if he did, speaking as someone who worked in a small private school for many years, we absolutely parted with kids and held kids back who had verified learning disabilities or other issues that appear on IEP's, such as ODD or ASD, and we were well within our rights to do so. It's possible that there are laws about this in some states, but I doubt it. Like I said, private schools usually have huge leeway - that can be good, or bad, depending on your needs. IME, if you have a kid with special needs, unless you're sending them to a school that specializes in special needs, then it's usually bad.

 

Also, you might be surprised at how many private schools are not accredited. A great number are only licensed to operate as a school. Accreditation is a whole separate process through private, non-profit accrediting groups. There are different ones depending on the state and region and there are some specifically for faith based schools.

[PeterPan]

Yes, I don't tie in his laziness with his reading ability. I just want to instill in him a good work ethic. When I mentioned he needed to work on his reading over the summer he wanted nothing to do with it. I understand he is only 10 and really, who would want to spend the summer working? We all need breaks right? But I want him to embrace this challenge and believe in himself. 

 

Also, I do plan to work right along side him for everything I outlined, including the videos. If anyone has any other suggestions, I am open. 

 

Is it on the table to hire his current tutor to continue through the summer?  That's what I would STRONGLY encourage you to do.  The things you listed (phonics videos, forced reading with increased levels, dictation) are nice, but they aren't best practice for dyslexia.  This is a child who made RADICAL progress once he finally got a qualified tutor, and he should CONTINUE with the tutor.  

 

I'm not sure what you mean by work ethic.  I mean, I know, but I almost don't understand why that's even the topic here.  Your dc has a learning disability.  He's dyslexic.  He's probably also ADHD, from what the school is describing.  So your child ALREADY WORKS HARDER than the majority of the kids in that classroom.  He just caught up multiple grades in a school year!  He has been working his butt off at school!!  And when the tutor asks why you're not following through at home with his lessons, it's actually really serious.  Why would you use methods NOT APPROPRIATE TO DYSLEXIA, which he's CLEARLY dyslexic?

 

Sorry, it's like the elephant in the room.  He's already working way harder than everyone else.  To do those things with him, tasks that are NOT appropriate for dyslexics and NOT evidence-based practices, NOT likely to be things that actually help him (despite the good intentions on your part and extreme hard work on his part) is just, well it doesn't make sense.  You're wasting his time.  To do things that are not best practice for dyslexia, when you HAVE access to a tutor who IS using best practices, does not make sense.  If there's no money, I get it.  Some states now offer disability scholarships if you have an IEP.  You might be able to barter and trade with the tutor to get her to come through the summer.

 

I would not waste your ds' time and his emotional soul doing things that are not best practice for dyslexia.  It's not fair, because he's too young to tell you it's not what he needs.

 

BJU has ebook versions of all their texts now.  You can pull them into a reader app like VoiceDream probably.  If the school will not let you use accommodations appropriate to his disability, leave the school.  Without the IEP, you don't know what his proper accommodations should be.  It sounds like you REALLY NEED to get moving on the IEP process, because you can use that to guide both you and the school on proper accommodations, etc.  Many kids with dyslexia will read more slowly and need accommodations even when they work at grade level.  And, btw, I've done some BJU stuff with my dyslexic ds.  There's a LOT they can do with tech to get BJU to work better for him.  Ebooks on the ipad, check.  They can scan his workbooks and put them in an app (name slips my mind) that will both READ him the worksheet AND let him type or dictate!!  Seriously, these hurdles are all surmountable.  

Edited May 17, 2016 by OhElizabeth

[Janeway]

Repeating the same math, the same history, the same science, is not appropriate. And being a ten year old in 3rd grade? Not ok. If the school won't advance him, I would switch him schools.

[Incognito]

Is it on the table to hire his current tutor to continue through the summer?  That's what I would STRONGLY encourage you to do.  The things you listed (phonics videos, forced reading with increased levels, dictation) are nice, but they aren't best practice for dyslexia.  This is a child who made RADICAL progress once he finally got a qualified tutor, and he should CONTINUE with the tutor.  

 

I'm not sure what you mean by work ethic.  I mean, I know, but I almost don't understand why that's even the topic here.  Your dc has a learning disability.  He's dyslexic.  He's probably also ADHD, from what the school is describing.  So your child ALREADY WORKS HARDER than the majority of the kids in that classroom.  He just caught up multiple grades in a school year!  He has been working his butt off at school!!  And when the tutor asks why you're not following through at home with his lessons, it's actually really serious.  Why would you use methods NOT APPROPRIATE TO DYSLEXIA, which he's CLEARLY dyslexic?

 

Sorry, it's like the elephant in the room.  He's already working way harder than everyone else.  To do those things with him, tasks that are NOT appropriate for dyslexics and NOT evidence-based practices, NOT likely to be things that actually help him (despite the good intentions on your part and extreme hard work on his part) is just, well it doesn't make sense.  You're wasting his time.  To do things that are not best practice for dyslexia, when you HAVE access to a tutor who IS using best practices, does not make sense.  If there's no money, I get it.  Some states now offer disability scholarships if you have an IEP.  You might be able to barter and trade with the tutor to get her to come through the summer.

 

I would not waste your ds' time and his emotional soul doing things that are not best practice for dyslexia.  It's not fair, because he's too young to tell you it's not what he needs.

 

BJU has ebook versions of all their texts now.  You can pull them into a reader app like VoiceDream probably.  If the school will not let you use accommodations appropriate to his disability, leave the school.  Without the IEP, you don't know what his proper accommodations should be.  It sounds like you REALLY NEED to get moving on the IEP process, because you can use that to guide both you and the school on proper accommodations, etc.  Many kids with dyslexia will read more slowly and need accommodations even when they work at grade level.  And, btw, I've done some BJU stuff with my dyslexic ds.  There's a LOT they can do with tech to get BJU to work better for him.  Ebooks on the ipad, check.  They can scan his workbooks and put them in an app (name slips my mind) that will both READ him the worksheet AND let him type or dictate!!  Seriously, these hurdles are all surmountable.  

 Regarding the work the OP mentioned - a fair bit of that is actually appropriate for a dyslexic.  FastForWord is.  The phonics lessons online are.   

 

I agree that this child is probably working very hard.  When we did Fast ForWord (or however that thing is spelled), we were encouraged to dangle a big bribe in front of our child to encourage them in the work.  Fortunately for us, my child wasn't discouraged, so we didn't need to.  But, OP, that may be something to consider.  Find a great Lego set that is worth the hours and hours of effort he is putting in.

 

Also, It is great to remediate the reading, but one thing that was emphasized to us was that it is just as important to feed the strength.  Kids who struggle really gain a lot from having a chance to be good at something and use their talents.

[FO4UR]

I do not like the tone of those letters.  My first choice for a kid like this would be to homeschool him until his asynchrony stabilizes.  My second choice would be to put him in public school.  If you go the public school route, be sure to request an IEP evaluation in writing the day you enroll him.

 

:iagree: only, I'd get on the phone now and start the IEP process with the PS.  If you decide to not send him, fine.  But it's started and will be in place in the fall if he does go to PS.

 

 

I don't like the tone of the letters either.  The principal passing over your very real concerns as "emotional" tells me everything I need to know.  When he says that the decision shouldn't be made over emotions, what he's saying is that he will not listen to the needs of L or you, his mother.  (Of course these things are emotional for you both. This is a major life decision.  That does NOT take away from your concerns...in fact, quite the opposite!)  That, and the way he tried to corner you, "you agreed yesterday..." give me pause.

 

It is crystal clear that the principal does not wish to consider this issue from the standpoint your ds or you.  He wants you to comply.

 

 

I think it's fairly obvious that they do not wish to deal with any sort of deviation from the set scope & sequence.  It costs the school money.  It causes teachers to complain about extra work.  Putting him back in 3rd grade is the easy answer for them.  They won't be begging him to graduate highschool when he's 19yo and has another year left.

 

It's not fair to your ds, but it is what it is. 

 

 

I also agree with the idea of hiring the tutor to keep teaching him, complete the program he has been using. 

 

 

What would it take to homeschool him next year?  Childcare?  Can we keep the reading tutor?  Documentaries?  Audiobooks?  Math?  Put those things on paper.  Are they doable?  Maybe not.  At least you will know.

 

Sheltering him from adults who have pegged him as slow is a thing to consider.

 

In a PS, not only will they maybe be more able to accomodate, but they will be more accustomed to seeing bright kids who are late readers.  Don't expect the PS to tutor and actually help him overcome...KEEP THE TUTOR!  But, I think there might be less stigma.

[JanetC]

As a former teacher I strongly encourage you NOT to hold him back a 2nd time. Our school only retained in K-1and NEVER twice. Way too many issues with self esteem and especially problems that develop later. If he hadn't been held back already it might be different (still hard) but given that he has it seems like a bad idea

 

Totally agree with this, and with the suggestion to get a ed-psych or neuro-psych evaluation for possible learning differences. Start looking for evaluators ASAP - they can be hard to get into. You may be able to get a preliminary read by asking your public school system to do an IEP evaluation, but for a complex case I would look for a private professional. See if your insurance will cover it.

 

The public school system must do an IEP evaluation within 30 days of your written request (phone call does not count), but the calendar stops when school gets out for the summer. Only the weeks school is in session count. My guess is that it would be very hard to get an IEP evaluation done before school gets out, so you would not be able to use the information from this eval to get a read on what to do in the fall.

 

For those suggesting public school - this can be a mixed bag. Federal law says that students are entitled to the services they need to receive a free and appropriate public education. School budgets say that that can only cost $1.99. (Exaggerating a bit, but I live in a state with under-funded public schools.) In my state, parents sometimes fight and fight to get what they need from public school systems and then give up and homeschool.

 

My advice is to understand your child's needs as deeply as possible, investigate your school system and any other resources available to meet those needs, then make the best decision you can. The private school has done you a disservice by not having you get an evaluation when it became clear he needed special programs like Fast ForWord. The tutor's email indicates that some sort of testing was done - do you have any idea what tests or what they showed?

 

Another suggestion I agree with above is not to start doing random phonics training until you understand the nature of the problem. One thing you could do without an evaluation is taking time each day to read aloud to him. Not making him read, just having him listen to you. This is a subtle, low-stress way to build language skills. The Read-Aloud Handbook has encouragement for this approach as well as a good book list to start with, or ask your librarian. The books should be at his listening comprehension level, which is higher than the reading level for most kids.

[8circles]

I would not have my child repeat 3rd grade in this situation.  Like, over my dead body.

 

You clearly have a bright kid who is struggling with reading.  Why is the school not trying to find out *why* he is struggling?  Do they not find it curious that he is so talented in math yet struggles to read?

 

Those emails from the school are so incredibly off-putting.  It's just a bunch of "we don't want to help your son anymore" couched in patronizing christianese.  

 

Enroll him in PS and push for an IEP and any/all evals that might apply.  I'd actually do it immediately and not wait for next year.  

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Please read The Mislabeled Child by Brock and Fernette Eide.  The Dyslexic Advantage by the same authors might also be helpful.  The Dyslexia Empowerment Plan by Ben Foss might help, too, even if your son is not dyslexic (although it really sounds like that is a distinct possibility).

 

Your son needs evaluations.  Not to give him labels.  He needs the evaluations to give you answers as to what exactly is happening to slow him down.  Answers will help you find a more productive path for helping him succeed and may open a lot more doors for not just accommodations and remediation but also to hopefully find out and tap into his strengths.   He sounds very bright.  The school is not in a position to look at the big picture and help him not just survive but thrive.  If his reading is behind but comprehension is fine, then get audio books and have him listen to those (have him use headsets if there is a possibility of CAPD) while you work on decoding/fluency/spelling/writing with him separately.  If he really is dyslexic than he needs to be working through a program targeted to dyslexics.  In the meantime, while his reading skills are worked on separately don't let his knowledge base and exposure to more advanced material be tied strictly to what he can independently read.  He needs exposure to vocabulary/grammar/concepts/stories that others will be getting from reading more advanced books.  He can't really do that yet with his independent reading so expose him in other ways.  Audio books and read alouds are a great resource.

 

And if he has CAPD you need to confirm that soon.  Get an evaluation through an audiologist that can test for CAPD if you possibly can.  That will definitely affect his functionality in a classroom and you need to know that ASAP.

 

He balks at working all summer. I would, too.  How was it presented?   Did you present it as "You have to work all summer to catch up."?  Or was it more of "You are doing so well with your reading, we don't want to lose that momentum. We can keep working on reading together during the summer."?

 

I would make reading as positive and pressure-less as humanly possible.  Being told by the school that he has to repeat a grade is a huge emotional blow.  He may start associating reading with his percieved inabilities and failures and hate every minute.  Make reading as fun as you can.  Play games, read fun stories together if you have any time at all, maybe get siblings to read a book with him, act out the stories, etc.  And keep his targeted reading lessons to a set time.  Don't drag the lessons out.  If he is dyslexic then reading lessons are going to be draining.  Give him breaks.  Give him something to look forward to when he is done.  And praise, praise, praise.  Don't focus on the negative.  Focus on the positive.  Emphasize his progress.  

 

If you are tossing in chores for the first time on top of a summer of reading remediation on top of finding out that his school wants him to repeat a grade then you may end up with a huge morale issue.  Keep things as positive, supportive and upbeat as you possibly can.  Also, keep expectations clear and keep things organized.  For chores, maybe start an "apprenticeship" and have him train on one thing at a time.  Break it down for him into specific steps, even if it seems easy, and walk him through exactly what you want and why.  Work alongside him while he learns.  Maybe play fun music.  Keep it a positive bonding time, not one more thing he has failed to learn in the past and now must buckle down and get cracking on.  That can be hugely demoralizing.  Once he is truly proficient at the chore then have a little celebration, put it in a weekly rotation and start on the next chore apprenticeship.

 

Hugs and good luck.

Edited May 17, 2016 by OneStepAtATime

[mom2samlibby]

I'd have him tested for dyslexia.  

 

His reading is going to hit a wall again in fourth grade as the reading will get harder and longer.  You need to get to the bottom of his reading difficulties.  School is going to get tougher without a strategy for him to navigate it.  

 

 

[PeterPan]

120 days for an IEP, if all goes well and they follow the law.  Once in a while they'll go faster, but pigs and goats fly.  The 30 days someone mentioned is for them to respond to your written request.  They have to meet with you, see if there's enough evidence to indicate the need to eval (there is), and have you sign the consent to eval forms.  Then they have 60 days to test and then another 30 days to write the IEP.  it's all in the law.  Because you're coming into summer, they'll try to blow you off.  Obviously you don't want to let them do that, so find out who your request goes to and make it in writing in a way that can't get blown off.  Because you're enrolled in school, the school will play a part.  It's kind of good in a way though, because the school will go to bat for you, filling out teacher forms, showing he's struggling in spite of intervention, etc.

 

The way the IEP process works is kind of funky.  The ps in the district of the private school will do the eval, then figure out in the law who writes the IEP and who follows up each year.  It's all there in the law.  Fun stuff.  

[Ausmumof3]

A friends kid was like this and got held back and is now at the bottom of the class two years below. Where there are learning difficulties, repeating the same curriculum over doesn't seem to help, these kids need more individual attention. Unfortunately small private schools seem to have difficulty due to staff and budget constraints providing the attention.

 

It seems like the principal thinks you are purely worried because your son was upset (which is a little bit how your email sounds) rather than worried that it's not the right choice. He also sounds like he is blaming the adjustment period from home to school which could be a factor but at this point I think he should be looking into learning difficulties not blaming you.

 

If they are expecting a significant after school time investment anyway how much harder would it be to homeschool? Otherwise I'd be looking at the public school as I wouldn't want to hold him back or deal with the fairly inflexible attitude you seem to be getting from the school.

[mamiof5]

You've got so many good suggestions here, so I am not going to add more of the same. But, one of your last comments caught my attention, about him not wanting to read in the summer because he didn't want to spend his summer working. Yeah, if he feels forced it might be more of a struggle :(. Anyway you could try to encourage liking reading? Something he actually enjoys instead of HAVING to do? Do you have a public library nearby? Do they have any summer reading program? Our kids have liked many series of books (Magic tree house, the "Who was" series, "the boxcar children" etc)...maybe being able to choose something he likes could help?? Just wondering :)

[Tammyla]

Michelle, something was bothering me after reading the thread yesterday, and as mentioned it was his getting good grades on top of his struggles.  

 

The reason I mentioned the public school or a private place like S ullivan was that I don't think his current school has the resources to help him successfully.  He may need to switch for the coming year, but be able to return later.

[Garga]

My thoughts from reading all this, in no particular order and just as they came to me:

 

Your email to the school was weak. It sounded like you were agreeing with them academically, but that you felt bad that your son got upset and wondered if he could be brought up 2 full levels in reading by September because your son felt bad. It honestly read as if your only concern was that "he almost cried." It didn't even sound (in the email) like he got all that upset. You downplayed it soo much that no wonder they dismissed you.

 

They wrote back and pointed out to you that you hadn't helped him during the school year. They also pointed out that they thought it wouldn't be possible to raise him by 2 levels in less than 3 months. I agree with them that that's a tall order. They addressed your emotional issues somewhat. Your email did sound like your only concern was the emotional side of your son and his initial reaction to the news. The assured you that you and he would get over it in time.

 

However, what the heck that they're holding him back after getting good grades and here it is halfway through May and this is the first you've heard of it?? What the heck!? I mean...what the heck?!?! Not cool.

 

I couldn't quite read between the lines in their email about how he was curious and amazed at the things going on in the classroom. They made him sound like a country yokel out in the big city for the first time. Was he really so shocked for the entire 9 months and unable to figure out how the classroom worked? For all 9 months? What was that code for? It felt like code for something. Some sort of developmental delay that they don't want to put in words. The part about not following directions well and being distracted...what was *that* code for? ADHD?

 

They didn't tell you exactly academically why he can't move up other than the reading. They will not accomodate him for anything. Anything at all. He'll be reading the exact same books in all his subjects,doing the exact same worksheets, doing the same projects, etc. just so he can get used to being in a classroom (?) and progress with reading. It would be so boring and demoralizing.

 

I'm one of the many INTJs here on this board and we rarely make a decision based on emotion. But in this case, even I can fully understand that the emotions of the boy are a huge factor in making this decision. This isn't just holding a kid back and he gets over this. This is one of those defining moments in a person's life: to be 2 years older than his classmates in school--while his friends progress--big emotional blow that may not be recoverable from.

 

He's small now. What happens if he grows? And towers over the other kids? They'll all be saying, "Wow! He must be so dumb to be here with us little kids!" This isn't something he gets over. My son's friends started growing some mustache hair in 7th grade. Will your son be in 5th grade growing mustache hair?

 

You simply must get him evaluated until you find out what is going on that he's struggling to read. There are dozens of ideas on this thread about what might be going on. Start with the simplest thing and work up until you get an answer to what the learning disability is.

 

I think having him work on chores over the summer is a terrible idea. Goodness. Don't pile more work on top of him. Do his reading lessons and then let him play. If you had already decided last week to have him learn chores, ok, but don't decide to add them as some sort of response to this situation.

 

(ETA: Maybe there's no disability. Maybe he's a late bloomer with reading. In that case, you'll need to find a way to help him after school to keep up. It won't be at this private school because they won't let him move up, but somewhere else. You might have to read his text books with him out loud. I just wanted to say that in case the evaluations come back with nothing. He just might need a lot of hand-holding for a bit more time IF (IF) it's not something diagnosable, but just that it hasn't clicked yet. I don't know what I'm talking about exactly, because I don't know any signs for learning disabilites with reading so I could be wrong, but wanted to throw that out there: that you might just have to hand hold him next year through reading his textbooks.)

Edited May 17, 2016 by Garga

[Storygirl]

Just to clarify: Under federal law, the school districts are NOT allowed to take the summer off from doing evaluations. The legal timeline for how long the school has to conduct the IEP process covers all 365 days of the year.

 

Now, the reality is that school staff takes a break over the summer, so it's more difficult for them to get it done. But you can hold them to the law if you are willing to be pushy (parents should not have to be pushy to get the schools to obey the law, but in reality, it is sometimes necessary).

 

Here is the federal timeline under the IDEA law. You can also check your state department of education's website for information. States are allowed to make the law more restrictive, but not less. So states can not have their own laws that give the schools MORE time than this.

 

*30 days after a written request for evaluations for the school to decide if evaluations are warranted. They can say no if they don't feel there is enough evidence. This is why it is important to get statements from his current tutor and teachers. By the time that 30 days is up, the school must either give you notice saying that they won't be evaluating, or have you sign a parent consent form for evaluations to begin.

 

*60 days for them to conduct the evaluations and write up the report that indicates whether there are disabilities and whether the child qualifies for an IEP.

 

*30 days for them to complete the IEP.

 

These are calendar days, not business days. This time line is not set into motion by a conversation over the phone or any kind of verbal agreements. You must make your request in writing, and they must respond in writing. You request must go to the public school in your area of residence. If your private school is in a different town from where you live, also send the letter to the public school in that town and to your private school. Cover all of your bases. Do not assume that if you send the request to your private school that they will forward it to the public school for you. Hand deliver everything yourself or send it via certified mail.

 

 

Edited May 17, 2016 by Storygirl

[snowbeltmom]

:grouphug:  I didn't like the tone of the letters.  Did the tutor ask you to work with your son after school on his reading or was this letter the first time it was mentioned?  If I had been in your shoes, I would have expected the professional tutor to take charge of his progress.  Also, the good grades on his report card would have also led me to believe that the school was meeting his reading needs without you needing to do extra work at home on top of what your son was doing at school.

 

It also sounds like they believe he needs another year to get used to the classroom setting.  What does that mean exactly? Was this issue ever brought up before to you?  I don't get the thought process on why repeating 3rd grade would help him get used to a classroom setting when 4th grade is obviously also a classroom setting.

 

Good luck. :grouphug:

[Bluegoat]

Neither is saying, "Don't bother working hard to improve. You have no chance. Your fate is sealed."

 

No one said anything like that, however.

[BlsdMama]

Not if Michelle is watching them *with* her son.

 

I'm not sure which videos so perhaps there is some kind of interactive piece?  But if her son has some kind of LD or dyslexia, videos isn't the way to go.  The best way to help truly remediate his reading for future success is going to be multi-sensory.  It's going to involve hearing, seeing, and touching.  It's going to involve pushing letters together and dividing them, and having her or a tutor right there to make sure he repeats the sounds correctly, blends correctly, etc.  I honestly would not delay remediation with a good, experienced tutor.  These kids start to swallow some ugly untruths about themselves - mainly that his current ability to read defines him as not academic.  He will eventually believe the lie.  Right now it's just an ugly whisper in his head.  To  continue to struggle with reading can confirm it with him.  The goal is to support him in being successful as fast as possible and some kind of OG program is a great chance for success.

Edited May 17, 2016 by BlsdMama

[AimeeM]

The kicker for me would be their inflexibility regarding the "whole grade" retention. They plan to hold him back even in subjects he is ready to move forward in.

 

If he does have LDs, holding him back will not only NOT help him, but could very well devastate him. If he has LDs, it's entirely possible that he will always struggle more in certain areas - and holding him back isn't going to fix that. 

 

 

[OneStepAtATime]

I'm not sure which videos so perhaps there is some kind of interactive piece?  But if her son has some kind of LD or dyslexia, videos isn't the way to go.  The best way to help truly remediate his reading for future success is going to be multi-sensory.  It's going to involve hearing, seeing, and touching.  It's going to involve pushing letters together and dividing them, and having her or a tutor right there to make sure he repeats the sounds correctly, blends correctly, etc.  I honestly would not delay remediation with a good, experienced tutor.  These kids start to swallow some ugly untruths about themselves - mainly that his current ability to read defines him as not academic.  He will eventually believe the lie.  Right now it's just an ugly whisper in his head.  To  continue to struggle with reading can confirm it with him.  The goal is to support him in being successful as fast as possible and some kind of OG program is a great chance for success.

I think they were referring to ElizabethB's phonics lessons...

 

http://www.thephonicspage.org/Phonics%20Lsns/phonicslsnslinks.html

[Haiku]

No one said anything like that, however.

 

If a principal tells the student's mother in May that 4th grade is not a possibility in August/September, I believe that is exactly what was said. The principal is cutting off the possibility of advancing even if the student improves.

[Haiku]

My son increased his reading level by three grades in six months of OG tutoring. Huge advances are possible. Telling a student, "You can't do that; there's no possibility" is a horrible, horrible thing to do.

[Mama Geek]

I am not an education expert and don't really have anything to add, I just wanted to send you some  :grouphug: . 

[JanetC]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Please read The Mislabeled Child by Brock and Fernette Eide.  The Dyslexic Advantage by the same authors might also be helpful.  The Dyslexia Empowerment Plan by Ben Foss might help, too, even if your son is not dyslexic (although it really sounds like that is a distinct possibility).

 

Your son needs evaluations.  Not to give him labels.  He needs the evaluations to give you answers as to what exactly is happening to slow him down. 

 

 

The Eide's are wonderful! Go join the Dyslexic Advantage website forum and ask for advice there!