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For sports, music, and general hobbies, etc- I'd love to hear from others about their teens.  My kids are 13 1/2, 14 1/2 and 14 1/2.   

 

Do you require that your teen is passionate about an hobby/activity in order for your family to spend a good amount of time and money toward the activity?  

 

What behaviors indicate to you that your teen is passionate about the activity?  

 

Are we being realistic that we would expect our teens of this age to find their "thing" and work toward getting better at it (no nagging, etc)?  

 

Do your kids take the initiative to do the activity when they have personal free time (without it being suggested by Mom or Dad)? 

 

Would you spend the money and considerable time (attending sporting activities) if you felt your teen was having to be nagged to improve?

 

I'm really trying to gain some perspective and would appreciate hearing others' experiences with teens of this age.  I feel like we are heading into the high school years and things are changing (competition for sports is higher, piano pieces are more challenging, etc).  I want to see if my expectations are realistic.

 

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For sports, music, and general hobbies, etc- I'd love to hear from others about their teens.  My kids are 13 1/2, 14 1/2 and 14 1/2.   

 

I'm going to answer for my 15 yo.

 

Do you require that your teen is passionate about an hobby/activity in order for your family to spend a good amount of time and money toward the activity?   No, but he needs to be invested in it.  Also, he is on the autistic spectrum so the sport is good for him in many ways. (basketball)

 

What behaviors indicate to you that your teen is passionate about the activity?  

He practices on his own initiative many hours a week.  He is currently doing a weight lifting and cardio program to improve his game.

 

Are we being realistic that we would expect our teens of this age to find their "thing" and work toward getting better at it (no nagging, etc)?  

Not all teens have a "thing", I think.  Or not one that requires a lot of time and money.  My college girl did drama and choir at school, but she was not passionate about it.  My 13 year old son also plays basketball, but he is not passionate about it.

 

Do your kids take the initiative to do the activity when they have personal free time (without it being suggested by Mom or Dad)? 

My 15 year old son does.

 

Would you spend the money and considerable time (attending sporting activities) if you felt your teen was having to be nagged to improve?

No.  I think that teens should choose their own hobbies and activities.  I won't nag to get them to do it.

 

I'm really trying to gain some perspective and would appreciate hearing others' experiences with teens of this age.  I feel like we are heading into the high school years and things are changing (competition for sports is higher, piano pieces are more challenging, etc).  I want to see if my expectations are realistic.

 

Edited by texasmama
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No, I don't spend time and money on extras that they don't really care enough about to do without nagging.  I figure that they will develop their own interests without me pushing.  So far, I've been right.  

 

We've started and dropped a lot of things because I do enough nagging for chores and school without torturing us both with something that isn't needed.  The kids still seem pretty well rounded.  

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For sports, music, and general hobbies, etc- I'd love to hear from others about their teens.  My kids are 13 1/2, 14 1/2 and 14 1/2.   

 

Do you require that your teen is passionate about an hobby/activity in order for your family to spend a good amount of time and money toward the activity?  Hmm, hard to say.  I wouldn't push them into an activity, but passionate right off the bat?  Not necessarily.  Interested, yes, though.

 

What behaviors indicate to you that your teen is passionate about the activity?  Teen is excited after attending this activity.  Teen gets ready for the activity happily, even if we need to remind teen to get ready.  Teen seems happy about activity.  Teen generally enjoys practicing activity, even if we need to remind teen to practice.

 

Are we being realistic that we would expect our teens of this age to find their "thing" and work toward getting better at it (no nagging, etc)?

Yes, but I think it's also completely normal that parents would need to remind teens to practice, and I think it's normal for teens not to want to practice right this second.

 

Do your kids take the initiative to do the activity when they have personal free time (without it being suggested by Mom or Dad)? Sometimes.  I don't mind reminding them to practice.

 

Would you spend the money and considerable time (attending sporting activities) if you felt your teen was having to be nagged to improve? It depends what "nagging" means.  Remind?  That wouldn't bother me.  Constantly having to tell them to practice?  That would make me want to stop paying time and money.

 

That being said, my kids' main activity outside the home is martial arts.  I feel that they gain a lot from class, whether they're advancing to the next belt quickly or not, so as long as they are happy at class, I'll keep paying for it and taking them, even if they plateau and don't earn a new belt for a while.  If they became reluctant and unhappy, and we weren't able to work through that, I might consider stopping.  Their passion waxes and wanes from time to time, and that's fine; it's when the passion wanes and doesn't come back that we know we need to move on.  (I saw that when DD did ballet.  Some days, she wouldn't want to stop something to get ready, but she was always happy once she was at class.  After a while, she was just bored with it, like it just wasn't interesting to her anymore, and we took her out.)  

 

They also play guitar and have a lot of passion for that!  I'm not paying anything for that, though; they do it at home on their own.  That passion waxes and wanes a bit too, and they go a few weeks where they play not much, and then the bug bites them again, and they can't get enough of it.  But overall, they're excited about it.

 

I'm really trying to gain some perspective and would appreciate hearing others' experiences with teens of this age.  I feel like we are heading into the high school years and things are changing (competition for sports is higher, piano pieces are more challenging, etc).  I want to see if my expectations are realistic.

 

Edited by happypamama
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As a homeschooling parent, I have no problem telling my kids we are going to do outside classes relating to PE, art, music, etc and I consider it a an important part of our homeschooling curriculum. That said as a result of trying many things my kids have found things they very much enjoy and that we've been able to work with. I don't think you can force passion. When I think about paying for things as they apply to defined curriculum areas or even life skills, I'm much less irritated if that thing is not a hit.

 

In terms of nagging. I think many teens need help with time management. We schedule music practice for instance into our School hours. At other times we've scheduled other outside activities for daily practice. I talk my teen through that and he is improving with managing his own stuff. It's a marathon not a sprint. In no way do I think every teen is ready to just be cut loose in this regard.

 

If paying for extras is not a priority for you for a kid that's not self motivated, I think that is fine. I do also think a kid can benefit from activities without being hyper focused on them however.

Edited by WoolySocks
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For sports, music, and general hobbies, etc- I'd love to hear from others about their teens.  My kids are 13 1/2, 14 1/2 and 14 1/2.   

 

Do you require that your teen is passionate about an hobby/activity in order for your family to spend a good amount of time and money toward the activity?  

 

No. We pay for a sport and an art. All you have to do is not cry about it.

 

What behaviors indicate to you that your teen is passionate about the activity?  

 

We're all-rounders. My partner is an all-rounder. I'm an all-rounder. Their mom and dad (since we are both step parents) are all-rounders. We just want them to get a good civic, athletic, and artistic education and to develop.

 

Are we being realistic that we would expect our teens of this age to find their "thing" and work toward getting better at it (no nagging, etc)?  

 

Some kids will. Some people, like me, will never really desire to be the top in the state at anything. I am pretty mediocre at bicycling, skiing, guitar playing, flute playing, jogging, dancing, painting, blah blah blah. I don't care. 

 

Do your kids take the initiative to do the activity when they have personal free time (without it being suggested by Mom or Dad)? 

 

​If iPhones count as an activity, absolutely, our kids all take a lot of initiative.

 

Would you spend the money and considerable time (attending sporting activities) if you felt your teen was having to be nagged to improve?

 

We attend the end of quarter or mid-year performance for each kid for each activity. That ends up being about two activities per month with the whole family since we have four kids. On the negative side, they will probably never compete with helicoptered only children (not that all onlies are helicoptered, but those that are, are definitely outperforming our kids). On the positive side, they are great team players.

 

I'm really trying to gain some perspective and would appreciate hearing others' experiences with teens of this age.  I feel like we are heading into the high school years and things are changing (competition for sports is higher, piano pieces are more challenging, etc).  I want to see if my expectations are realistic.

 

My DSD and DSS both do sport for fun. We have access to non-select competitive hobby teams so we are lucky. They can play high school sports and average at them. :D DSD is great at what she does but she has neither the inclination nor the time to strive to be #1 in the state--her goal is some academic scholarships (modest or good at a good fit school) and to be an active healthy person. That seems reasonable to us. DSS plays soccer in a league with his friends. They are not number one. Not at all. They might have even been dead last. But that's okay. They're active, they're having fun.

 

My partner plays basketball with other middle aged guys and I bike to work.

 

I know, I know, so pedestrian. But hey, if we are all doing these things, basically active at 65, we'll be thrilled. I have been to many mediocre band concerts in my life. My stepson wears his band tee shirt. For a kid who doesn't usually get into things, we're happy. He is talented and could do better. But he doesn't.

 

I do make my littles practice. But They don't have to like or love it. They just have to try a bit and to learn.

 

Having seen what gym parents go through, I'm actually a little happy DSD abandoned competitive cheer. It's flipping dangerous (pun intended) and time consuming for the parent! She wants to be a doctor so is it even necessary?

 

Edited to add: Sometimes they just don't practice! So they aren't as good as they could be. I still don't consider it a waste of money. At least they are developing a bit. I didn't practice my instrument much and I learned the consequences when I tried out for honor band in college. Though because we public school, we do save money on sports. I think by that time I will say, you can do the free sports or you can put effort into it. 

Edited by Tsuga
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Answers within your text:

 

For sports, music, and general hobbies, etc- I'd love to hear from others about their teens.  My kids are 13 1/2, 14 1/2 and 14 1/2.   

 

Do you require that your teen is passionate about an hobby/activity in order for your family to spend a good amount of time and money toward the activity?  

I'd prefer them to be passionate or at least very interested.  However, if I thought it was beneficial for them to be involved, I might go ahead and spend the time and money, even if they only had a willingness to do it, without having a big interest. 

 

What behaviors indicate to you that your teen is passionate about the activity?  

Practicing on their own, researching it further through internet or books, watching videos of others doing that activity, speaking to others who are involved in order to ask questions and learn outside of the organized activity. 

 

Are we being realistic that we would expect our teens of this age to find their "thing" and work toward getting better at it (no nagging, etc)?  

Yes and no.  Some kids don't really have a "thing," but they do have activities that are good for them to be involved in.  Try to be patient.  They are still young.

 

Do your kids take the initiative to do the activity when they have personal free time (without it being suggested by Mom or Dad)?  Mine do.  Many wouldn't, but just because they don't take the initiative to do it on their own doesn't necessarily mean it's not worthwhile for them.   

 

Would you spend the money and considerable time (attending sporting activities) if you felt your teen was having to be nagged to improve?  Money?  Maybe, if I thought it was good for them, despite their lack of motivation.  Time attending the activities?  No.  I don't think parents have to attend everything kids do.  At some point when my dc were in middle school, I started dropping off for many sporting events.  I attended the "big" things, but certainly not all the practices.  It was good for my attitude to use the time for what I needed/wanted to do instead of sitting there being bored, and I think it helped the dc take more responsibility for how they did at the activities. 

 

I'm really trying to gain some perspective and would appreciate hearing others' experiences with teens of this age.  I feel like we are heading into the high school years and things are changing (competition for sports is higher, piano pieces are more challenging, etc).  I want to see if my expectations are realistic. 

 

Edited by klmama
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I think the whole " passionate" thing is ridiculous. I think just enjoying something is fine. My kids have done many things- sports, arts, music, clubs.library events. Our family tends to believe all out throwing oneself into something with special lessons and camps and travel leagues is not a healthy option so other than two seasons of homeschool basketball ( which had mostly day travel) we keep things low key and " just for fun".

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For sports, music, and general hobbies, etc- I'd love to hear from others about their teens.  My kids are 13 1/2, 14 1/2 and 14 1/2.   

 

Do you require that your teen is passionate about an hobby/activity in order for your family to spend a good amount of time and money toward the activity?  

 

What behaviors indicate to you that your teen is passionate about the activity?  

 

Are we being realistic that we would expect our teens of this age to find their "thing" and work toward getting better at it (no nagging, etc)?  

 

Do your kids take the initiative to do the activity when they have personal free time (without it being suggested by Mom or Dad)? 

 

Would you spend the money and considerable time (attending sporting activities) if you felt your teen was having to be nagged to improve?

 

I'm really trying to gain some perspective and would appreciate hearing others' experiences with teens of this age.  I feel like we are heading into the high school years and things are changing (competition for sports is higher, piano pieces are more challenging, etc).  I want to see if my expectations are realistic.

 

Ooh, heavy stuff!

 

I think the pressure to find and cultivate passions is overrated.  Opportunities to explore interests, on the other hand, is a big deal to me.  With 5 kids, my time and money is limited.  I do my best with what I've got.

 

I probably do spend a lot of time pushing/nagging/reminding my daughters (about to turn 13 and 14) to practice, study, prepare, etc. for their activities, but I don't feel like I do so for the purpose of making them "improve" as much as just meeting the responsibilities of the activity.

 

I don't care if my kids don't win the Junior Envirothon (they did!) but they need to study because their team is counting on them to do their best.  I don't care if they ever master a double play, but I expect them to genuinely try because that's the level of play their coaches (and opposing teams) are aiming for.  I don't care if they ever land a leading role in the spring musical, but they must study their lines and stage directions in any role, for the sake of the whole production.

 

They enjoy those activities.  I enjoy that they enjoy those activities.  They're worthy of my reasonable time and money just for that, no strings attached.

 

The older of the two has recently become involved with the local volunteer fire department.  Now, that's provoked a different level of expectation for me.  Even though she has legal restrictions on what she can actually do for the next few years, she is training for life and death situations.  Unlike academic competitions, sports, or productions, there's serious stuff at stake here.  I absolutely expect full dedication and effort toward "mastery".  I haven't had to push, nag, or remind her about anything other than getting her school work and chores done before heading off to drill, fundraising, or meetings.  She's participating with a level of focus I've never seen from her.  So maybe this is her passion.  Or maybe it's just another thing she likes, and she recognizes that the elevated responsibility is non-negotiable.  If she were dragging her feet, I wouldn't allow her to put herself and others at risk.

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My kids are on two different ends of the activity spectrum.  DS goes to the weekly chess club at the library, and that's about it.  He just isn't interested in many activities.  That said, he wants to play soccer this fall (just for fun; not a "passion"), and he's asked about starting aikido up again, so I'm going to see about both of those in the fall (neither are offered over the summer).  OTOH, DD is involved in EVERYTHING.  She just finished the season of youth symphony, is a very active member of her dance company, starts competitive cheerleading this summer, just made the color guard team at her high school, and is participating in her first theater production this summer.  I can barely keep up, and I'm just the driver!  That said, DD does not "practice" on her own time much at all.  But she does attend every practice/rehearsal and works hard while she's there.  I hate having to tell her no about some activities, but she only has 24 hours in a day like the rest of us.  LOL...  

 

All that said, I do not pay for activities when my kid doesn't practice/participate.  We stopped DD's clarinet lessons (though she still wants to do symphony), because she wasn't interested in practicing.  We stopped aikido for DS because he was complaining and not wanting to go to practice.  As a single mom with little time or energy and even less money, I just don't see paying for and driving to something that the kid doesn't really want to do.

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For sports, music, and general hobbies, etc- I'd love to hear from others about their teens.  My kids are 13 1/2, 14 1/2 and 14 1/2.   

 

Do you require that your teen is passionate about an hobby/activity in order for your family to spend a good amount of time and money toward the activity?  

 

If it's a true extra (that is, not something I require such as music), then they have a period of time to just try it out.  After that, they need to be really wanting to continue in order for me to shell out time and money on it.  I think "passionate' is probably too strong a word, though.  I also think "passion" for something usually only comes after a period of getting good enough at something to enjoy it.

 

What behaviors indicate to you that your teen is passionate about the activity?  

 

I'll let you know if I ever see it.

 

Are we being realistic that we would expect our teens of this age to find their "thing" and work toward getting better at it (no nagging, etc)?  

 

I think it's ok to hope for that, but I don't think that most teens are going to find their "thing" until they are older and out in the world (college, work, whatever) and have a chance at larger experiences and some time to shed their childishness.

 

Do your kids take the initiative to do the activity when they have personal free time (without it being suggested by Mom or Dad)? 

 

If they want me to pay for it, they do.  I require music lessons, so I will sometimes remind (though, IMO, I believe that learning to do what you are supposed to do without having to be told is part of growing up, so if I'm having to remind about requirements, then non-requirements start going away).  If it's a non-requirement, then  they have to bring 100% of the motivation themselves, because I just can't.  I bring back up motivation to: school work, chores, hygiene, and other requirements....I simply do not have it in me to supply any motivation past that.

 

Would you spend the money and considerable time (attending sporting activities) if you felt your teen was having to be nagged to improve?

 

No.  I also don't feel it's necessary for a parent to attend everything anyway, whether the teen is passionate/improving or not.  I don't attend all games, I don't even pretend that I'm going to try to.  And not just because of time constraints, but because I don't want to.  It's not my activity, it's his.  I feel that I no more owe him 100% attendance at a ball game than he owes me 100% attendance at my knitting group.  IMO, the whole thing is ludicrous.  I don't know who came up with this whole scheme of parents attending every blessed game/activity their kid participates in, but I'd like to take that person out behind the woodshed.

 

I'm really trying to gain some perspective and would appreciate hearing others' experiences with teens of this age.  I feel like we are heading into the high school years and things are changing (competition for sports is higher, piano pieces are more challenging, etc).  I want to see if my expectations are realistic.

 

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No. I also don't feel it's necessary for a parent to attend everything anyway, whether the teen is passionate/improving or not. I don't attend all games, I don't even pretend that I'm going to try to. And not just because of time constraints, but because I don't want to. It's not my activity, it's his. I feel that I no more owe him 100% attendance at a ball game than he owes me 100% attendance at my knitting group. IMO, the whole thing is ludicrous. I don't know who came up with this whole scheme of parents attending every blessed game/activity their kid participates in, but I'd like to take that person out behind the woodshed.

 

 

Seriously! I don't have teens yet, so I wasn't going to post, but I sooooo agree with this! My 5 yo is playing t-ball and dh is the coach. I went to their first practice, other kids in tow, to help him pass out/collect paperwork. I was so surprised that all the kids had both parents and siblings there- to watch a practice!!! One kid had both parents and stepparents there, along with sibs. Now, I wouldn't drop a 5 year old off for practice, but one parent is sufficient- no need to drag all the siblings out.

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For sports, music, and general hobbies, etc- I'd love to hear from others about their teens.  My kids are 13 1/2, 14 1/2 and 14 1/2.   

 

Do you require that your teen is passionate about an hobby/activity in order for your family to spend a good amount of time and money toward the activity?  

 

What behaviors indicate to you that your teen is passionate about the activity?  

 

Are we being realistic that we would expect our teens of this age to find their "thing" and work toward getting better at it (no nagging, etc)?  

 

Do your kids take the initiative to do the activity when they have personal free time (without it being suggested by Mom or Dad)? 

 

Would you spend the money and considerable time (attending sporting activities) if you felt your teen was having to be nagged to improve?

 

I'm really trying to gain some perspective and would appreciate hearing others' experiences with teens of this age.  I feel like we are heading into the high school years and things are changing (competition for sports is higher, piano pieces are more challenging, etc).  I want to see if my expectations are realistic.

 

 

We stopped sports for the most part several years ago.  We didn't see sports as a career (for our family) and didn't see us wanting that for them.  We are considering changing that position for one of our daughters.  She is an introvert and athletic and we see it being very good for  her as an individual.  (She's 12.)

 

Unless you have a money tree. :D  Yes, for us to sacrifice money, time, energy towards ANYTHING, it had better be worthwhile.

 

If you don't know if your teen really loves something then my bet is they don't.  :D  In all seriousness, I think if it something they are passionate about it can't be held in.

 

I wouldn't nag.  Nope.  Too much effort.  They want it or they don't in my opinion.

 

My oldest daughter loved piano.  I encouraged but didn't have to nag or ask her to practice.

My oldest son loves mock.  I provide encouragement and support but I do not nag nor do I remind him to practice.

 

I think that there is value added for any of these things as long as the cost isn't too high - and that might be money, but it could also be stress on mom to have them practice, nagging, tension from not practicing, etc.  I do not think I'd go to those lengths for a teen.  At that point they should really be juggling these things themselves.  I will add, however, if the child professes love but doesn't know have the skills to "budget" their time, hold themselves accountable, etc., then these skills can (and should) be taught and it would be worthwhile to stick with it and teach them.  

 

My oldest four kids are pretty organized and self driven so if they love something, they pour themselves into it.  I have an entirely different personality coming up after them, but he also lacks those skills of juggling, accountability, carving out time, etc., and so we know we need to work on those skills.

 

I hope that helps.

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Then I read a book (Boundaries with Teens- Townsend) where he says something to the effect of past a certain point, introversion is no longer a preference but a problem. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I was trying so hard to not be the overcommitted family, I let that one slip right past me in her case. We realized it was indeed a problem, so we had to require that she have one activity (outside of school groups) of her choice (for a year) and she chose martial arts. It has made a massive difference in giving her something to look forward to. It's also one of the first activities she's ever been in that wasn't more of an individual sport, if that makes sense. It is but it isn't. Riding, tennis, all of that take place with a group, but it's really about you. Her martial arts class makes a big deal about the "community" within in their organization, which is new for her. More experienced members take a huge hand in helping with the classes. It gives her multiple mentors and has worked beautifully so far. Anyway, I wanted to throw that out there. I wish I had read the "preference/choice" statement two years sooner. 

 

 

I really love this perspective.  Thank you for putting my feelings into words.  Our 12yo is an introvert and finally asking to do a sport and so this is why we are considering it.  I hadn't felt comfortable with her "level" (for lack of a better word) of introversion and this puts it into a framework so that I understand my discomfort better.

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No. I also don't feel it's necessary for a parent to attend everything anyway, whether the teen is passionate/improving or not. I don't attend all games, I don't even pretend that I'm going to try to. And not just because of time constraints, but because I don't want to. It's not my activity, it's his. I feel that I no more owe him 100% attendance at a ball game than he owes me 100% attendance at my knitting group. IMO, the whole thing is ludicrous. I don't know who came up with this whole scheme of parents attending every blessed game/activity their kid participates in, but I'd like to take that person out behind the woodshed.

 

 

Seriously! I don't have teens yet, so I wasn't going to post, but I sooooo agree with this! My 5 yo is playing t-ball and dh is the coach. I went to their first practice, other kids in tow, to help him pass out/collect paperwork. I was so surprised that all the kids had both parents and siblings there- to watch a practice!!! One kid had both parents and stepparents there, along with sibs. Now, I wouldn't drop a 5 year old off for practice, but one parent is sufficient- no need to drag all the siblings out.

 

I am totally not the parent who attends everything.  If I tried to attend every performance my kids were in I'd be out of my mind! 

 

On the other hand when we had one small kid doing something like soccer or t-ball, often all of us could go if we could.  Why not?  It got us outside for an hour or 2 as a family.  It was more fun than splitting up for the evening and we didn't have scheduled stuff more than one or two nights a week at that point.  My dd was a toddler and there were always other families with toddlers.  I guess I don't see the equivelent to a teen in a more dedicated activity. 

 

I'm all about the drop off and go for the most part now that my kids are more independent.  We go to performances but not every one, every time.  My son was just in a theater production that performed 20 times for example.  Seeing it a few times was plenty!  :)

 

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On the other hand when we had one small kid doing something like soccer or t-ball, often all of us could go if we could.  Why not?

 

 

I don't think anyone thinks there is a problem with it if you want to go, just that there shouldn't be an feeling of obligation to go.

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I'm loving the fact my teen finds his own stuff to do these days.  He's tried a lot of things over the years.  The only outside activity he stuck to long term has been the drama class.  I've never really felt right about requiring any particular thing.  We are both introverts so I "get" him in that department.  Probably the best way to describe him is an outgoing introvert.  He is into what he is into, but he does best when it is on his terms and he chooses it.  I'm happy to do what I can if it is something he wants to do and puts the effort into it.

 

I do go to all my kids' performances, and there have been a lot of them.  I really enjoy watching choir and drama stuff so I don't mind at all.  If it were sports, I would have a tougher time going to all of them because I find that stuff pretty boring.

 

 

 

 

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For sports, music, and general hobbies, etc- I'd love to hear from others about their teens.  My kids are 13 1/2, 14 1/2 and 14 1/2.   

 

Do you require that your teen is passionate about an hobby/activity in order for your family to spend a good amount of time and money toward the activity?  

 

What behaviors indicate to you that your teen is passionate about the activity?  

 

Are we being realistic that we would expect our teens of this age to find their "thing" and work toward getting better at it (no nagging, etc)?  

 

Do your kids take the initiative to do the activity when they have personal free time (without it being suggested by Mom or Dad)? 

 

Would you spend the money and considerable time (attending sporting activities) if you felt your teen was having to be nagged to improve?

 

I'm really trying to gain some perspective and would appreciate hearing others' experiences with teens of this age.  I feel like we are heading into the high school years and things are changing (competition for sports is higher, piano pieces are more challenging, etc).  I want to see if my expectations are realistic.

 

 

I have a 14 yo.  Often he starts out "passionate" about something, but it takes a while to know if the thing will be a temporary interest or more long term. I also have helped him to find things that might fit him--for example sports that fit his body type.  He's too big to be a jockey, and too small to be successful at basketball or football, for example.

 

I think when he really loves something he tends to work hard at it without a lot of prompting.

 

But I also think that there is some value in exposure to different things even if the child will not be a virtuoso at it.

 

There are also multiple reasons to be involved in something. For example, a sporting activity might be good for social interaction and teamwork and getting some physical exercise, even if the child were not "improving" at it.

 

My son currently does ice skating which he clearly loves -- he beams ear to ear much of the time when approaching the rink and while skating. It is expensive and hard to get to the rink, but I do as much as I can. If he can go to the rink with others I allow him to do so. He recently started pairs skating and I am very happy that I like the family of the girl he is paired with so that if they ever get to a point of needing to travel for competition, I would feel comfortable letting him go with her family. Travel is hard for me due to a disability, so this is very important.

 

He also plays ukulele in a group, which he greatly enjoys. He rarely practices. I occasionally suggest practice time, but mainly leave that to him. The main benefit is exposure to music and the enjoyment of playing with others, doing gigs and so on. Again, if he can get to a gig with others I let him go without me.

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I don't think anyone thinks there is a problem with it if you want to go, just that there shouldn't be an feeling of obligation to go.

 

Of course.  I just don't think it's odd at all to see full families in particular those with littles out together if they want to be.  We enjoyed those nights out on the soccer fields.  Bedtime was easy those nights. ;)

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No. I also don't feel it's necessary for a parent to attend everything anyway, whether the teen is passionate/improving or not. I don't attend all games, I don't even pretend that I'm going to try to. And not just because of time constraints, but because I don't want to. It's not my activity, it's his. I feel that I no more owe him 100% attendance at a ball game than he owes me 100% attendance at my knitting group. IMO, the whole thing is ludicrous. I don't know who came up with this whole scheme of parents attending every blessed game/activity their kid participates in, but I'd like to take that person out behind the woodshed.

 

 

Seriously! I don't have teens yet, so I wasn't going to post, but I sooooo agree with this! My 5 yo is playing t-ball and dh is the coach. I went to their first practice, other kids in tow, to help him pass out/collect paperwork. I was so surprised that all the kids had both parents and siblings there- to watch a practice!!! One kid had both parents and stepparents there, along with sibs. Now, I wouldn't drop a 5 year old off for practice, but one parent is sufficient- no need to drag all the siblings out.

I like to watch my dc in their activities. They seem to enjoy me watching. I try to go to as many things as I can. I don't attend all practices and rehearsals, but I really try to make all performances and games. I get to enjoy these people for a very short period of time. While I have my activities and nights out, I'm okay limiting mine to attend their stuff.

 

As far as lots of little kids at t-ball, here it would be easy play date and some mom time with friends for me. That may not be the case in your area.

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For sports, music, and general hobbies, etc- I'd love to hear from others about their teens.  My kids are 13 1/2, 14 1/2 and 14 1/2.   

 

Do you require that your teen is passionate about an hobby/activity in order for your family to spend a good amount of time and money toward the activity?  

 

What behaviors indicate to you that your teen is passionate about the activity?  

 

Are we being realistic that we would expect our teens of this age to find their "thing" and work toward getting better at it (no nagging, etc)?  

 

Do your kids take the initiative to do the activity when they have personal free time (without it being suggested by Mom or Dad)? 

 

Would you spend the money and considerable time (attending sporting activities) if you felt your teen was having to be nagged to improve?

 

I'm really trying to gain some perspective and would appreciate hearing others' experiences with teens of this age.  I feel like we are heading into the high school years and things are changing (competition for sports is higher, piano pieces are more challenging, etc).  I want to see if my expectations are realistic.

 

Oldest is a few months shy of being a teen. 

 

No, I do not require being passionate before spending time/money on something. One exception to that was buying a cello, and I'm glad we waited, as it was inspired by a recent popular movie and her interest in it soon passed. However, I did seek out YoYo Ma tickets and her and her dad saw that together and it was a very enjoyable night for both of them. Otherwise, if she wants to try something, I'm all for it (as long as our schedule can handle it).

 

Money is not tight, but even if it were, I'd do whatever I could to let them try something new. My parents did this for me, despite being somewhat poor. I can figure skate very well and play a game of tennis, among other activities. I am really glad my parents let me try anything. Right now her passions are dance and swim team, and I am SO thankful she has found her niche. I am also signing her up at another studio for pointe ballet, along with her regular dance classes at another. She has been begging for this for well over a year and I'm going to let her try. She does do piano, but that has been something enforced by us...going on her 7th year, doesn't love it but it has led to great opportunities (playing percussion in middle school band) and she is somewhat beginning to enjoy it. We are not letting it be an option for her and I truly believe she will be glad someday that she didn't give up.

 

In general, I encourage my kids to be involved in whatever activities they want to try even if they end up not liking it after all. I have seen the consequences of several young family members that were NOT involved in activities as teens....it has not been pretty. 

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I forgot to post to the OP-

I don't require a passion to pay for an activity or lesson, but I do require it for really expensive lessons/activities. A voice lesson once a week, no problem- just do what the person says and try your best. Two voice lessons a week from expensive people- you need to be talented and passionate. (Just an example)

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For sports, music, and general hobbies, etc- I'd love to hear from others about their teens.  My kids are 13 1/2, 14 1/2 and 14 1/2.

 

My Ds is 18 and heading to college this fall, Dd is 14 and will be in 9th next year.    

 

Do you require that your teen is passionate about an hobby/activity in order for your family to spend a good amount of time and money toward the activity?  

 

Not necessarily.  I'm not a fan of the word 'passion'.  We have mostly spent time and money if they were interested and had a desire to achieve in an activity.  I don't mean achieve in a way that is impressive to others--more like set certain goals and then work toward achieving them.  Both of mine did figure skating and we spent money on lessons and skates.  We did no competitions, but I thought it was important for them for stress relief and physical fitness.  They had goals to reach a specific level in the curriculum and they worked toward meeting those goals.  We got free time at the rink with our lesson package and they practiced between lessons.  I considered that part of their education in learning how to set a goal and work toward achieving it rather than thinking things just happen and dreaming about them happening.  We had to discontinue the skating after my Dh lost his job.

 

What behaviors indicate to you that your teen is passionate about the activity?  

 

I don't like the 'passion' approach.  I think a true passion for an activity is developed over time.  Most kids can't even become passionate until they have invested a certain amount of time to learn about and pursue an activity.  They have dreams and they don't really know what it takes to achieve those dreams until they get started and begin to see others who have reached a high level of competency in the activity--and see the work that is required.  A few people probably are born with what the world calls 'passion' toward certain activities.  Competition can serve an important purpose in showing them what they know and do well and what they need to work on.  Sometimes that is needed in order for kids to really understand the work that is involved.  With the right people encouraging them and showing them the right attitudes, a failure at the competitive level can be a very good thing.   

 

Are we being realistic that we would expect our teens of this age to find their "thing" and work toward getting better at it (no nagging, etc)?  

 

I think some kids don't need nagging and others do.  My true tale about nagging.  Ds had dreams of achieving certain titles with his dog in agility.  When it came time for agility class he often pleaded being too tired to go.  I knew he really wanted to do well with his dog and I also knew he had no idea how to.  So, I required he go anyway and told him he could be tired later.  I had to do this quite a bit when he was first starting out.  He had a very difficult dog to train.  I thought it was important for him to learn how to work through difficulties and how to stick with something that is hard.  Also how much dedication is required to achieve the goals he was dreaming about and that no one is going to just hand him achievements on a silver platter.  It is 4 years later and he has reached a very high level with this dog--after many, many difficulties.  He is not quite to the goal he set and he is ok with that.  He might reach it, or might not.  It will depend on how much time he can devote to his dog in the next year and how cooperative his dog is.  He's achieved far more than he would have by sitting home.  He has won many titles on his dog, and he's somewhat of a local celebrity in the agility world b/c of his perseverance.  He has written articles for various dog magazines about his experiences in order to encourage others.  He is very glad that I made him go to classes.  The entire experience was a part of his education in learning how to push himself.  He is inclined to be a little timid and a little on the 'take it easy' side (avoiding the word lazy).  He now realizes that about himself and knows he needs to push himself when he has a desire to achieve in a certain area.  He's also learned when he needs to take a step back and relax.  This whole idea of knowing when to push yourself and when not to is very important for teenagers to learn.  It will help them when they are in college and later facing the job market.  I see their activities as a great way to develop skills that help them know who they are and where they want to take themselves in life.  

 

They also need to learn how to be happy with their own accomplishments --no matter what they see others doing.  Our world has become more an more competitive in general.  They are going to need to learn how to handle that.  Ds learned he would never be one of the top agility kids.  Those kids have dogs that are programmed for agility.  He had people telling him to give up with his dog.  (Yes, well meaning adults told him to go buy a dog who would not require so much effort.)  He wanted to do it with HIS dog.  He stuck with it and learned a lot.  He is fine with not being top ranked in the sport.     

 

Ds now will say to me 'Well, I'm tired, and I'd like to stay home, but there is that trial coming up, and I need to work on ___ , so I think I'd better go to class.  To me that is a huge victory as a parent and educator.

 

My Dd did not require as much nagging.  She has more of a drive and does not tire so easily.  She has an outgoing nature.  She does need to hear an adult perspective at times in order to practice in a productive way.  

 

Do your kids take the initiative to do the activity when they have personal free time (without it being suggested by Mom or Dad)? 

 

After they have been 'educated' about the activity and the time and effort required to achieve their goals--yes, they mostly take the initiative--but I do sometimes remind.  'Educating' them can take a while.

 

Would you spend the money and considerable time (attending sporting activities) if you felt your teen was having to be nagged to improve?

 

Yes--and we did for many years, though both of my teens now fund their own extracurriculars.

 

I'm really trying to gain some perspective and would appreciate hearing others' experiences with teens of this age.  I feel like we are heading into the high school years and things are changing (competition for sports is higher, piano pieces are more challenging, etc).  I want to see if my expectations are realistic.

 

I will add that my Dc and I witnessed Dh lose his job of 25+ years.  Dh's experiences in the current job market has affected the way I approach education with my teenagers.  I see that knowing how to interact with people, learning how to push yourself out of your comfort zone, and learning to take advantage of opportunities are going to be important skills for them in the future.  That has colored my thinking a little.  Competition is a fact of life in our area, and knowing how to handle it is something kids need to learn. And I mean, learning to be happy with their own level of achievement-- not necessarily learning how to be the person on top!

 

Dc became quite passionate about their activities once they realized they would have to give them up or pay for them themselves.  They have both found ways to pay for them--and their desire to achieve and their willingness to work towards achieving became greater once they were using their own money to fund extracurriculars.  Still, I think it was a good thing we could afford to pay in the beginning b/c they would not have realized that some money has to be wasted on failing in the beginning in order to succeed later, and they may have wanted to give up too soon.  Hopefully I am making sense here.  This is a very complicated issue, and our family has learned an awful lot through competitive activities.  It's hard to put it all in words.

 

That's our experience, fwiw.  

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