Aspergers and college

[Janeway]

Here is my question.

 

Should we just say go to the local state University, which is not really local, but rather within an hour and has a great program for his major? Or should we suggest looking at other schools? 

 

He can melt down still when under pressure (but we have 3 years to work on that, but I cannot see him completely ridding of melting down). The within-an-hour state U is tier 1. He wants to major in engineering and I understand they have a great program for that. He can definitely get in and will have financial aid he needs. 

 

It feels a little like people we know go out and tour all these interesting colleges and universities. But in reality, in our case, I am afraid he would need us, and with his ASD, being far away could really be an issue. What do you think?

 

Also, when do kids start touring the colleges and such? Do they go junior year or earlier?

Edited May 11, 2016 by Janeway

[Kassia]

My son just completed his junior year at our state university (three hours away) and is majoring in engineering.  I wanted him to attend a smaller, private school, but he wanted to go to the big state school and it had to be his decision.

 

We started touring during junior year, but you can certainly do it sooner if you want.  I wouldn't worry about what other people are doing about college - you and your son need to do what is best for him and your family.  Good luck!

 

Erica

[Nan in Mass]

We have a son who wanted to go to college where we could easily get to him. Yes, it severely limited his choices but there was a good engineering program a bit over an hour away. Thank goodness the finances worked out!!! He just finished his junior year and it has been really obvious that being close was a good thing. We can go take a walk with him Sat. Morning, go take him out to dinner any weekday night, or go sit with him to prevent his freezing up when things get stressful. We did it a lot at first and we hardly do it at all, now he is a junior. Not Aspergers but generally high strung.

 

My husband was told that if he went to the state university, his father would pay for it, but if he went elsewhere, he was on his own. It didn,t worry him. There was an engineering school, tons going on, and he was grateful to be free of worry about getting in and especially, school loans. It was something he was told very early on, though, before he began thinking about it or setting his heart on some place else.

 

Nan

Edited May 11, 2016 by Nan in Mass

[Corraleno]

The key factors in college applications are fit, finances, and acceptance. Most people apply to multiple colleges because there's no guarantee of acceptance or sufficient aid at their first choice.  If your first choice college is an academic and logistical fit, and it's also an admissions and financial safety, then I would apply EA/ED and be "one and done."

[GoodGrief]

Your in-state option sounds great! I would investigate their disability office, and see what services/accommodations might be available to ease the transition for your son.

 

Of course, a lot can change between now and the time he will be actively applying. If he's interested, doing a few college visits could be fun and enlightening. It likely won't be as meaningful now as during junior/senior year, but it's not a bad idea to get the wheels turning, especially when there will be special needs to consider. It may also help you to plan the academics/testing for the remainder of high school.

[Mom22ns]

My ASD ds opted to stay in the nearby larger community for college. We really thought this was best in case he needed support. We have 3 Universities and a Community College in that town, just under an hour away. For him, it was a good decision. There wasn't much we did that we couldn't have done at a distance, but I think it was reassuring to all of us. He came home more than he would have if he'd been farther away and we were able to help more with things like planning schedules, housing sign-ups, all kinds of miscellaneous details that can overwhelm him.

 

You'll be amazed at where your guy is three years from now, but if you have a good semi-local option, I highly recommend going with that for a spectrum kiddo. College has all kinds of challenges for them beyond what most kids experience. Being nearby to support as needed can be a key to success.

 

That said, also meet with the disability services department. The disabilities service director at ds's university has been great and could/would have done everything I did for him but ds was more comfortable having me help. I hope to transition him away from my help gradually, but this year there were enough transitions.

[TechWife]

I'm responding in hopes of remembering to come back to this thread with some ideas. Right now I'm on my way to pick up my ASD son from college for the summer! Yay for summer!

[Kassia]

I'm responding in hopes of remembering to come back to this thread with some ideas. Right now I'm on my way to pick up my ASD son from college for the summer! Yay for summer!

 

Mine is home for a month before leaving for a summer internship for ten weeks.  I am a mess about it.  Even though he's been in college for three years, he was in the dorm so he didn't have to cook, shop, clean, or drive.  I am very worried about how he's going to handle all of those new responsibilities while learning a new job - that is so much to take in at once.  He has no idea of what he's getting himself into.  I'd like to stay with him for a bit to get him settled in, but my youngest is taking dual enrollment classes at the community college this summer and I need to be home to drive her.  

 

Erica

[JanetC]

I have a friend with a DD who needs to at least start near home so she is close to her medical team. She is starting at a local CC for two years. Then she will decide if her condition is stable enough to go farther away.

 

I would set a distance you are comfortable with, then check out everything in that radius that might be a fit.

[justasque]

Here is my question.

 

Should we just say go to the local state University, which is not really local, but rather within an hour and has a great program for his major? Or should we suggest looking at other schools? 

 

He can melt down still when under pressure (but we have 3 years to work on that, but I cannot see him completely ridding of melting down). The within-an-hour state U is tier 1. He wants to major in engineering and I understand they have a great program for that. He can definitely get in and will have financial aid he needs. 

 

It feels a little like people we know go out and tour all these interesting colleges and universities. But in reality, in our case, I am afraid he would need us, and with his ASD, being far away could really be an issue. What do you think?

 

Also, when do kids start touring the colleges and such? Do they go junior year or earlier?

 

I would advise looking at other schools.  Maybe you'll still end up going local, but you'll have a clearer idea of the pros and cons, and more confidence in your decision.  And so will your ds.  I strongly suggest starting to tour schools as early as possible - 9th grade is not too early.  Look at local schools (even if you already know they're not a perfect fit you will still add to your awareness of the variety that's available), and any time you are somewhere else for some other reason (vacation, etc.) take a few hours to tour a school there.  This will give you ample time to create a more specific list of possible schools, with less time pressure, which can be extra-helpful when dealing with an ASD kid.    Talk to someone from the disability office at each school you visit.  Do the official campus tour and info session, plus eat in the cafeteria.  Drag your other kids along too - they will be of college age eventually too.

 

I would also suggest considering spending two summers on college campuses - for the first, see if your local school has any summer programs for high school students.  For the second, consider a residential program - they are usually 2-4 weeks and often result in college credit.   This gives your student another opportunity to experience college life, which will help to zero in on what is important to them when it comes time to choose a school, plus ensure that they have a bit of experience in the roommate/cafeteria/walk-to-classes/etc. aspects before plunging into full-time, full-semester attendance.  This can also help you to see whether certain accommodations (single room, etc.) would be wise.

[Kassia]

Hi Janeway,

 

Although my oldest was never officially diagnosed, he has a lot of similarities/symptoms of Aspergers.  He was a fabulous student, but he HATES new things or things that vary from the routine.  As a freshman in high school, I truly worried about how he would survive in college.  He  just finished his junior year of college.  Here is our experience:

 

His 10th grade year I had him do his first college visit to a small university 15 minutes from us that has an excellent computer science/engineering school. ( He wanted to major in computer science.) He was familiar with the university from doing some summer camps there.  He didn't want to do it.  He was VERY uncomfortable.  He whispered to me... you know I hate this. However, he did well and as with many new things he actually enjoyed himself.  He told me that he knew he needed to do that and he knew I was right but it was hard.  I chose that school because it was familiar. It was our safety.  It was about as nonthreatening as could be since he had been on the campus before.  So it was a great choice for a first college visit. It made the others SO much easier.  I also told him the entire year that he would be taking Spanish at the junior college in our town his junior year.  I wanted him to be ready and to psych himself up.

 

His junior year he took Spanish and racquetball at our local CC. He took the classes with his younger brother and a friend. So there was strength in numbers.  A few days before school started we went up there.  I showed him where he would park ( he actually got his driver's license a few weeks into September so I had to drive them for a couple of weeks).  We got his sticker together and I showed him how to buy books on Amazon and the ones we had to get a the bookstore.  We walked to the classes together. ( This was before classes started not the actual first day of class.  It was like a test run.)

Although he didn't sleep the night before, he did really well.  After that first semester, he registered for classes by himself, bought books, etc.  He was actually great at communicating with his professors.  I basically bowed out.  He got straight A's both years at the junior college.

 

His junior year we visited two colleges: one that was 2 hours away and one that was 3 1/2 hours away.  Both visits went really well.  He also did an engineering/computer science weekend at the college that was 3 1/2 hours away.   ( Enrollment at the one that was in our town is 2,200: the college 2 hours away 8,000, the one 3 1/2 hours away 13,000 ) 

 

He took Spanish 3 and 4  and Eng I and II his senior year as well as 3 AP classes through PAHomeschoolers.  He got all A's.  We visited the college that was 3 1/2 hours away many times that senior year: for a special weekend and scholarship competition.  When he decided that was the one we went two other times and then he went to camp there for a week. He liked the one 3 1/2 hours away because it had more opportunities than the other two.  He liked the one in our town but wanted to be away from home.  It didn't hurt that both my husband and I, an aunt and his grandmother went to that university.   :closedeyes:

 

He had no trouble at all his first year; although he didn't really make any close  friends. He did put himself out there and tried some new things, so I was proud of him.   His GPA was a 3.8.

 

Second year he did well academically, but I think he was a little disappointed that he didn't have any close friends.  That said, he started to become chummy with a group of guys. However, he didn't get an internship that summer and in the spring he started to get some social anxiety.  He saw a counselor at that private university over the summer and he volunteered at the local food pantry.

 

This past fall was horrible.  His social anxiety came back with a vengeance.  However, at the same time he and this group of guys did more and more things together.  They put him on medication which made him suicidal. It was awful...  I think a lot of it is that he still couldn't get an internship and he is realizing that although he is really good at school, he has no idea how he will get a job or exactly what it will look like.  I couldn't help him either.  I can't walk him throught that...  We got him off the meds and he returned to normal over Christmas break.  Although his grades dropped, his cumulative GPA was a 3.6.  He got an A, 2 A- and 1 B+ this past semester.  He has seen a psychologist all this past spring semester.

 

It was looking like no internship again as he interviewed for several, but it never went any farther until a God thing happened.  I was visiting with a friend at church and mentioned his search.  She asked what field and it turns out that her company in town normally has an intern in his field every summer.  They had had the same one the past few years but he had gone on to other things.  It is an oil and gas company in town.  So he will be working there this summer.  I think it will do a world of good for him and he will finally have some experience.  

 

That was part of the problem with getting hired. It seems like so many of the other guys had tons of real world programming experience. He doesn't.  But his team that does the programming competitions has done really really well the past year.  

 

He wonders if going to public high school would have helped his social skills.  I'm not sure it would have. Plus, he would have been woefully unprepared academically.  The kids I know that are his age have mostly dropped out of college because they couldn't handle it or changed majors to less demanding ones.  There were a couple from our high school that went to his university and majored in computer science.  None of them survived freshman year. One survived at the university but changed his major.  

 

What would I have done differently.  I'm not sure.  He is socially awkward.  I'm not sure that will ever change.  I'm not sure how you fix that.  OH... this past year he attended a social anxiety group at the university.  He really liked it his first semester and said it was fine, but didn't like the group as well second semester.  They went through different types of social situations and such.  He found it very helpful.  

 

The main thing is that HE saw the need and what he needed to improve.  He didn't suffer from social anxiety before he got there, but then again we live in a tiny town.  The college is bigger than the town we live in.  He saw the need and the turning point was when he was suicidal and realized that HE needed to fix this.  A switch turned.  He got off the meds and took control of his life. Hard ot explain...

 

That is my experience for what it is worth.  A lot of what I did worked really well.  Some, perhaps he just had to learn on his own...  

 

I'm sorry that your son had such a rough time.  My son and his situation sounds very similar to yours - computer engineering, going from a small town to a huge university (50,000 enrollment), socially awkward, doing test runs on everything, etc.  I'm glad your son realized he needed help and sought it out.  I don't know that my son would and he would balk if I suggested anything.  That being said, he is very self-aware of many of his limitations.  

 

Erica