Do you work hard to avoid being overweight or obese?

[flyingiguana]

In a misguided effort to lose weight, I put on so much muscle that I will never again be in the normal BMI range.

 

So, yes, I do work hard at it, but, no, it doesn't do any good.  Not if the goal is to be skinny.

 

I've never eaten all that much, but my body doesn't seem to pay attention to how many calories it's getting.  It just does its thing with adding fat as if I'm not even there.  

[flyingiguana]

 

 

Another possible factor: There is some research correlating higher altitude with ease at losing weight without someone "trying." 

 

This must explain why my husband has no trouble losing weight.  He's a foot taller than me.

Another possible factor: There is some research correlating higher altitude with ease at losing weight without someone "trying." 

[Jenny in Florida]

Honestly, no, I'm not working at it. I just don't have the energy to put into that fight.

 

I've been overweight my whole life, with the exception of a few brief periods during which I managed to get slender by relying on mostly very unhealthy means (very restricted calorie intake, over-the-counter appetite suppressants, obsessive exercise, etc.).

 

Finally, about six years ago, I did it "right." I began making a real effort to eat well, in addition to counting calories. I excercised daily, but mostly by taking long walks with my dog. Over the course of almost a year, I lost about 70 pounds and got into the middle of my recommended BMI range. I even maintained it for a few months. 

 

Then my thyroid went crazy. It took several months to figure out what was going on, but I started gaining weight because I just felt so crappy. For a while, my doctors thought I had some kind of respiratory infection, because my most significant symptom was a persistant cough. I had no energy, couldn't sleep, and so on. I kept telling them that I was certain the coughing was somehow related to something going on with my heart (having been told many years before that I had a murmur that accounted for the "fluttering" sensation I sometimes had in my chest), but they couldn't find any connection. Finally, one day, I was actually experiencing symptoms while in the office. They did an EKG and sent me immediately to check into the hospital, where I was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation caused by an overactive thyroid.

 

By that point, I had already regained about 25 of the 70 pounds I had lost.

 

In an attempt to control the AF, I was put on a medication to dampen thyroid function. The coughing and "fluterring" disappeared. Hurrah!

 

Unfortunately, what we figured out over the next couple of months is that I actually have symptoms of both Graves' disease and Hashimoto's, meaning that my thyroid function swings wildly from over-active to under-active. So, medicating me to reduce thyroid function left me feeling okay some days and like I had been run over by a truck on others. Within six months, I had regained all of the weight I had lost in the previous couple of years. Over the next year, I put on 10-15 more.

 

A little over a year ago, I finally agreed to try radioactive iodine to kill off my thyroid and achieve some kind of stability. 

 

It didn't work. 

 

My antibodies are still out of whack, and a few months ago I had to go back on the anti-thyroid drug because I was once again having episodes of AF. 

 

I've also now been diagosed with insulin resistance and am on medication for that.

 

I don't eat like I used to. I'm pretty good about eating fruits and veggies. I've been a vegan for 17-ish years (although I made that choice for ethical and not heath reasons). I eat less than the other folks living in the house, to the point at which I am often irritated that it seems like all they think about is food and I can't believe how often they want to eat. Sometimes, I have to be reminded that I haven't eaten that day.

 

I'm still obese. Every now and then, the scale will wander downward a bit, but it doesn't seem to have any relationship to anything I do or don't do in terms of eating or exercising. And then, even when I haven't changed a thing about my daily habits, the scale wanders back up again.

 

Meanwhile, I'm juggling multiple part-time jobs, worrying about a young adult daughter who is going through an emotional crisis, being present for a son who is juggling college with his first emotionally demanding romantic relationship and his first regular part-time job and more. 

 

Since half a century of experience tells me that, no matter what I do, I'll probably be obese again next year, I really just can't gather up the energy to work very hard on this problem.

 

 

 

Edited May 15, 2016 by Jenny in Florida

[TechWife]

Every time I read this thread title, I read it as "Do you work hard at being overweight or obese?" It gets my attention every time. That is all I have to contribute!

[Laurie4b]

Honestly, no, I'm not working at it. I just don't have the energy to put into that fight.

 

I've been overweight my whole life, with the exception of a few brief periods during which I managed to get slender by relying on mostly very unhealthy means (very restricted calorie intake, over-the-counter appetite suppressants, obsessive exercise, etc.).

 

Finally, about six years ago, I did it "right." I began making a real effort to eat well, in addition to counting calories. I excercised daily, but mostly by taking long walks with my dog. Over the course of almost a year, I lost about 70 pounds and got into the middle of my recommended BMI range. I even maintained it for a few months. 

 

Then my thyroid went crazy. It took several months to figure out what was going on, but I started gaining weight because I just felt so crappy. For a while, my doctors thought I had some kind of respiratory infection, because my most significant symptom was a persistant cough. I had no energy, couldn't sleep, and so on. I kept telling them that I was certain the coughing was somehow related to something going on with my heart (having been told many years before that I had a murmur that accounted for the "fluttering" sensation I sometimes had in my chest), but they couldn't find any connection. Finally, one day, I was actually experiencing symptoms while in the office. They did an EKG and sent me immediately to check into the hospital, where I was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation caused by an overactive thyroid.

 

By that point, I had already regained about 25 of the 70 pounds I had lost.

 

In an attempt to control the AF, I was put on a medication to dampen thyroid function. The coughing and "fluterring" disappeared. Hurrah!

 

Unfortunately, what we figured out over the next couple of months is that I actually have symptoms or both Graves' disease and Hashimoto's, meaning that my thyroid function swings wildly from over-active to under-active. So, medicating me to reduce thyroid function left me feeling okay some days and like I had been run over by a truck on others. Within six months, I had regained all of the weight I had lost in the previous couple of years. Over the next year, I put on 10-15 more.

 

A little over a year ago, I finally agreed to try radioactive iodine to kill off my thyroid and achieve some kind of stability. 

 

It didn't work. 

 

My antibodies are still out of whack, and a few months ago I had to go back on the anti-thyroid drug because I was once again having episodes of AF. 

 

I've also now been diagosed with insulin resistance and am on medication for that.

 

I don't eat like I used to. I'm pretty good about eating fruits and veggies. I've been a vegan for 17-ish years (although I made that choice for ethical and not heath reasons). I eat less than the other folks living in the house, to the point at which I am often irritated that it seems like all they think about is food and I can't believe how often they want to eat. Sometimes, I have to be reminded that I haven't eaten that day.

 

I'm still obese. Every now and then, the scale will wander downward a bit, but it doesn't seem to have any relationship to anything I do or don't do in terms of eating or exercising. And then, even when I haven't changed a thing about my daily habits, the scale wanders back up again.

 

Meanwhile, I'm juggling multiple part-time jobs, worrying about a young adult daughter who is going through an emotional crisis, being present for a son who is juggling college with his first emotionally demanding romantic relationship and his first regular part-time job and more. 

 

Since half a century of experience tells me that, no matter what I do, I'll probably be obese again next year, I really just can't gather up the energy to work very hard on this problem.

 

So sorry about your health challenges, Jenny. That really stinks.  :grouphug:

[frogger]

In a misguided effort to lose weight, I put on so much muscle that I will never again be in the normal BMI range.

 

So, yes, I do work hard at it, but, no, it doesn't do any good. Not if the goal is to be skinny.

 

I've never eaten all that much, but my body doesn't seem to pay attention to how many calories it's getting. It just does its thing with adding fat as if I'm not even there.

I always thought of putting on muscle as a great thing. BMI is a worthless measurement anyway.

[eternalsummer]

I fluctuate between a BMI of maybe 22 to maybe 27 (125 lb to 150 lb on a relatively short person).  I don't generally worry about it one way or another - I am in the having kids part of my life, so I am pregnant just about half the time anyway, and nursing for the rest.  

 

My experience, though, is that the lower end of my typical weight range happens when I am walking regularly and not eating as much.    During the winter especially, I get pretty sedentary and comfort eat in response to lack of sunlight, so I gain.  

 

I think that if I *wanted* to work at never being overweight - always holding the line at 125 - I could, and it would involve work (walking or other exercise when I don't feel like it, eating less and especially less cookies, etc.).

 

eta: this is only work because, unlike regentrude and her friends, I don't like exercise and I do like cookies (a lot of cookies).  There are other things in life I am naturally inclined to do that might be work for other people (for instance, I love carpet shampooing) and things that I am naturally good at so don't have to try as hard (generally intellectual things).  I'm just not naturally good at or inclined towards either exercise or not-cookie eating.

 

I think middle/high school girls' perceptions of what is skinny is a bit skewed.  When I was in school the correct and acceptable thing to eat at lunch was a bag of Baked Lays and a bottle of water.  I just couldn't do it.  They were all size 0 or maybe size 2, I was a 6.  I thought I was ridiculously and hopelessly overweight.  Probably I weighed 115 lb and was 5' 3".  My saving grace was a very practical member of the group who had social cred because her family had money, but wasn't into eating a bag of Baked Lays for lunch.  She thought everyone was crazy and said so, and ate the standard plate lunch offered by the school.  This worked for her because she was super tall and naturally skinny, but it also left a bit of room for some of the rest of us to eat a bit more.

 

After the first year, thank god, I no longer had a lunch period as I needed all of the school day to take classes; I just ate junk food daily in one or another class.

 

Edited May 15, 2016 by ananemone

[Ausmumof3]

regentrude and poppy and frogger and sorer, and the discussion of enjoyment/supportive cultural surround/habits, are getting toward something I've often thought about but haven't quite put to words...

 

 

 

 

 

I live in an area where the cultural norm is pretty active/pretty healthy food habits/pretty fitness focused. Most families have CSA shares or go to the rotating farmers' market days, most families go on regular hiking/biking excursions, women make dates with one another to meet up at yoga or spin classes or to go walking together, men and women meet up to play tennis/squash etc, families meet up at the Y or swimming hole or various pools/tennis facilities around town and hang out. That's the culture.

 

I'm in several book groups and volunteer organizations; when we have meetings the refreshments typically include coffee/tea, seltzer water with citrus slices, if t's at night maybe wine; and perhaps small snacks like nuts, grapes, maybe crudités with hummus. People take a polite bite or two; the plate is rarely consumed. That's the culture.

 

When people have dinner parties, or meet at restaurants, it's typically only kids who have sweet desserts. Adults maybe have a bit of fruit, or just coffee. That's the culture.

 

I literally do not know one person in my town who smokes. (Of course it's possible some people do so at home but not in social spaces.... but if so the point remains, the culture does not condone smoking.)

 

 

 

And that cultural surround shows. The norm here for most people here is fairly fit to very fit. I know a number of people who regularly run 5k- actual marathons; most others fit some sort of regular exercise into their lives. People -- particularly those of us over a certain age, lol, aren't necessarily thin, but obesity is rare here. It is noticeably different than many other parts of the country we've visited. I expect it would be rather uncomfortable to be obese here. (Not arguing that's a good thing, BTW...)

 

But I don't know that most people experience such fairly-healthy-eating habits and fairly-regularly-exercise-patterns as Very Hard. I don't, myself. People generally don't talk about "dieting," or frame yoga as part of a "fitness" plan -- just eat reasonably healthy and meet up socially at moderately active events.

 

 

When the cultural frame is supportive of health habits (a good thing), and the strong social expectation is that people stay reasonably fit (more mixed, perhaps), it doesn't feel like HARD work... more akin to the level of effort it takes to keep the lawn/garden in reasonable shape :lol: , or as soror says, the effort we invest to keep our marriages healthy. Yes, it takes intention and a degree of effort, but a supportive cultural surround goes a long way to making it easier...

 

 

 

 

 

Note -- my point here is about healthy-habit cultural surround and how that makes certain lifestyles easier.... not to comment on the real difficulties of some individuals to lose weight / maintain fitness regimens. I empathize with the complexity of such struggles and recognize the host of variables that come into play.

 

... just highlighting one piece here, which has shifted my own thinking a little bit over away from the Individual and a bit more towards a Public Health frame.

I also think it's not just cultural norm but also the life framework. If you don't have time to adequately maintain your lawn and house you probably don't have time to maintain your body. I think this is why overall obesity and poverty go hand in hand in western countries.

[Ausmumof3]

I always thought of putting on muscle as a great thing. BMI is a worthless measurement anyway.

Recent research backs this up.

 

http://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/lack-of-exercise-responsible-for-twice-as-many-deaths-as-obesity

 

A good walk is more important than the number on the scale for your health.

[poppy]

I also think it's not just cultural norm but also the life framework. If you don't have time to adequately maintain your lawn and house you probably don't have time to maintain your body. I think this is why overall obesity and poverty go hand in hand in western countries.

 

Yes.

I've been thinking about this thread, and whether eating a healthy diet + enjoyable active outdoor lifestyle = hard work.

I think to me "hard work" probably has more to do with amount of time invested in health than anything else.  

I go to 3-4  different grocery stores in a typical week.  One that has great produce [Whole Foods], one that has inexpensively priced organic meats [Costco] , another less expensive place for grocery staples, and often a 4th for convenience foods [Trader Joe's].  I really could get it all in one place, but it would cost a lot more.   We have some special dietary needs like one gluten-free family member.  Then there is cooking from scratch. Then there are the gym trips. Then.... we spent yesterday biking a rail trail as a family. It was awesome! It took like 6 hours.   It wasn't "hard" in the sense that it was super demanding but it was a big time investment.  And let me tell you I'd just as soon go to the movies and get the biggest bucket of buttered popcorn.  But I don't.   Now none of this prevents obesity, or is stuff an overweight person doesn't do, but I know I'd be in much worse shape if it I didn't.  And that helps direct my choices.  And thankfully--- I have the leisure time to actually do all that!

[flyingiguana]

I always thought of putting on muscle as a great thing. BMI is a worthless measurement anyway.

 

It is.  I actually love it.  But the muscle sits under fat.  So I not only weigh a lot more,  I also look fatter (even though I suspect the fat content has gone down somewhat).  And, trust me, I get a lot of nasty comments from my extended family about how "thick" I am.  Probably I get a lot of nasty comments from the world in general, although most people are too polite to say it out loud.

 

But I've noticed most other muscular women I know also look "fat" by society's standards.  There are a few lankier women I see at the gym who don't seem to have much fat, but who don't have a whole lot of muscle either.  They look muscular because their smaller muscles aren't overlain by fat, while I (and a lot of other women who have more muscle) just look fat because the much larger muscles are, um, smoothed out by that overlying layer.

 

I find it interesting that the people I interact with (and, I suspect, society in general) can't wrap their minds around a woman's body being muscular.  They assume it's all fat and dismiss the woman's entire worth accordingly.  (Even if it was all fat, geez, work on your own problems instead.  And read some more recent research about whether it's actually a health risk.)

 

Society has got a lot of growing up to do. 

[Soror]

 

But I've noticed most other muscular women I know also look "fat" by society's standards. 

Yes, there is a thin range of attractive by society standards, mostly super lean. I was thinking about that the other day actually. It made me think of a female powerlifter, she actually performs better with a bit higher bodyfat(20-23 or so) but society deems the extra lean figure as better. Most power lifters you will see often look chunky b/c they don't do lean, they just have a heck of a lot of muscle. I have a friend right now in phenomonal shape but she of course just looks bigger most of the time as her t-shirts and pants are getting too small b/c her muscles are growing. As woman there is this bias- we are to have muscles but only so much- really just enough for vanity's sake, otherwise you're too big. Whatever. It is ridiculous, women can't win. (Women of course contribute to this- "they're too skinny- they're too fat- they have too much muscles- they're butt is too big- they're boobs are too small- etc- far too often women do more critiquing than men)

Edited May 16, 2016 by soror

[Ann.without.an.e]

A few thoughts...

 

1)  I didn't mean to offend anyone.  If I watch what I eat, if I workout, if I am careful...my weight ranges from 140-210 and bounces everywhere in between.  NOT because of yo-yo dieting but because of an instable autoimmune thyroid problem.  I imagine if I ate whatever I felt like eating my upper weight would be much higher.  If you work hard and your upper weight is higher then that is ok.  We all have different cards dealt to us. 

 

2) For those who claim it isn't work - I just don't think you understand where I am truly coming from.  I eat healthy and I love eating healthy.  I don't eat fried foods, drink soft drinks, etc.  I am happy this way.  It isn't work in that regard but when you are eating like that AND gaining weight and having to calculate and rethink the apple you want, it IS work.  It is always being consciously aware of what you eat - even the healthy stuff.  And working out is usually something I enjoy but when you do the same workout and you are gaining weight for some inexplicable reason and the exercises are getting more and more difficult, it begins to feel like work.  Not everyone will understand and that is ok.  You don't have to understand and it is a HUGE blessing that you can eat great and workout and not have to understand the pain.

Edited May 16, 2016 by Attolia

[Jean in Newcastle]

A few thoughts...

 

Not everyone will understand and that is ok.  You don't have to understand and it is a HUGE blessing that you can eat great and workout and not have to understand the pain.

 

While I agree, I do have to admit that I struggle with feeling that some people who don't understand come across as being a bit smug about how easy it is for them.  It's sort of like if I admit that I have physical trouble dressing myself (the truth at times) and people post about how they've been dressing themselves with ease since they were two years old.  Of course it is easier for people with normal metabolism, hormones (including thyroid) etc. to stay thin and fit.   I hope that no one would tend to blame me for the physical difficulty I have with dressing because people tend to look at something like that with sympathy even if they don't have personal experience with that but people do tend to blame people for the physical difficulty we have with losing weight. 

[regentrude]

While I agree, I do have to admit that I struggle with feeling that some people who don't understand come across as being a bit smug about how easy it is for them.  It's sort of like if I admit that I have physical trouble dressing myself (the truth at times) and people post about how they've been dressing themselves with ease since they were two years old.  Of course it is easier for people with normal metabolism, hormones (including thyroid) etc. to stay thin and fit.   I hope that no one would tend to blame me for the physical difficulty I have with dressing because people tend to look at something like that with sympathy even if they don't have personal experience with that but people do tend to blame people for the physical difficulty we have with losing weight. 

 

I think you may possibly have misinterpreted the tone of some posts here. The thread asked "do YOU work hard..." - and some people answered they do not. That is a statement about them and carries no judgment or implication.

On the contrary: I would feel it to be presumptuous if I claimed to work hard (when it really does not feel like that to me at all), compared to people who actually have to work hard and struggle. So, when a person says it is easy for her, that may be in full acknowledgment that it may be hard for somebody else. Stating that something is easy for me does not carry any smugness, or the implication that it should be easy for another person - it simply carries the understanding that bodies are different and that some people do not have to make an effort.

I would see the smugness when people claim to work very hard and make the effort and look down on those that don't.

Does that make sense?

[Ann.without.an.e]

While I agree, I do have to admit that I struggle with feeling that some people who don't understand come across as being a bit smug about how easy it is for them. It's sort of like if I admit that I have physical trouble dressing myself (the truth at times) and people post about how they've been dressing themselves with ease since they were two years old. Of course it is easier for people with normal metabolism, hormones (including thyroid) etc. to stay thin and fit. I hope that no one would tend to blame me for the physical difficulty I have with dressing because people tend to look at something like that with sympathy even if they don't have personal experience with that but people do tend to blame people for the physical difficulty we have with losing weight.

It's pure human nature. We typically don't understand the struggles of others if what they struggle with comes relatively easy to us. Especially if it something that typically can be achieved with daily decisions. The majority of people can get pretty thin with diet exercise and remain a healthy weight by maintaining exercise and diet. The judgement is harshest from those who are thin because they have worked hard to be that way. Those who truly are naturally thin don't usually judge.

DH had a guy in his unit in the air force who was dismissed because of his weight. He went through basic and didn't lose a thing. At one point they put him on calorie restriction and he had a special workout regimen and at the end of the month he had gained 5 pounds. He wasn't severely overweight but they had tried everything scientifically to reduce his bmi and all it did was increase. He was muscular but also needed to lose about 20 pounds of fat.

[Ann.without.an.e]

I think you may possibly have misinterpreted the tone of some posts here. The thread asked "do YOU work hard..." - and some people answered they do not. That is a statement about them and carries no judgment or implication.

On the contrary: I would feel it to be presumptuous if I claimed to work hard (when it really does not feel like that to me at all), compared to people who actually have to work hard and struggle. So, when a person says it is easy for her, that may be in full acknowledgment that it may be hard for somebody else. Stating that something is easy for me does not carry any smugness, or the implication that it should be easy for another person - it simply carries the understanding that bodies are different and that some people do not have to make an effort.

I would see the smugness when people claim to work very hard and make the effort and look down on those that don't.

Does that make sense?

I agree with this :). I tried to be careful to make it personal - do YOU work hard rather than should we work hard or is it worth it for people (in general) to work hard. It is fair for those who don't work hard to reply honestly. It isn't fair if they said "we don't believe that you can be that weight and watch what you eat". I haven't heard anyone say that on this thread ( I have heard it before).

Edited May 16, 2016 by Attolia

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think you may possibly have misinterpreted the tone of some posts here. The thread asked "do YOU work hard..." - and some people answered they do not. That is a statement about them and carries no judgment or implication.

On the contrary: I would feel it to be presumptuous if I claimed to work hard (when it really does not feel like that to me at all), compared to people who actually have to work hard and struggle. So, when a person says it is easy for her, that may be in full acknowledgment that it may be hard for somebody else. Stating that something is easy for me does not carry any smugness, or the implication that it should be easy for another person - it simply carries the understanding that bodies are different and that some people do not have to make an effort.

I would see the smugness when people claim to work very hard and make the effort and look down on those that don't.

Does that make sense?

 

I actually wasn't pointing out any posters in this thread.  I tried to make my comment general (but I think I missed on that!)  because it was a general struggle I have with people who don't understand.  I think that the posters in this thread have showed more understanding and compassion and trying to put themselves in our shoes than out in the general populace.  There can be a lot of little digs and shamings that happen out in the "real world". 

[lynn]

I have a goal to do some type of workout every day mostly for my sanity, stress, and better sleep. If I happen to be more toned or choose to eat better and loose a few pounds then that's a side benefit. Genetics are not exactly on my side.

Edited May 16, 2016 by lynn

[hornblower]

Treading carefully - but I think what also does not get much cred or support is the people for whom it is hard & yet who do it.  

Sometimes there's the subtle dismissing of 'but bmi doesn't matter anyway' which I think minimizes the work someone chooses to do to stay in a certain range, kwim?

 

And other times I don't know but it just seems there's an "oh well, easy for you to say/do" undertone. And it's like you want to yell, "No, it isn't! It isn't easy! There are a whole bunch of foods that I LOVE and rarely have (incl McDonald's french fries & I live only a few blocks away from one & I swear they waft the stupid scent out all over my neighbourhood & every day I have to resist going in & having them) and I have to drag my sorry butt to exercise class 5 times a week and lift weights and do planks and you know what? It often isn't actually that much fun."

 

But it seems you can't say those things much because even if you want it to be an "It's hard and I do this because I choose this" or even an encouraging "It's hard and I do this and you might be able to do it too" it seems to be heard as "It's hard and I do this and why aren't you?" 

 

I think we can safely conclude that talking about weight is a minefield and difficult for everyone lol 

My other thought is that for people who do find it relatively easy, I believe it can be through their 30s and 40s,  but the 50s can start being challenging & I think for most people, at some point there will be a time when they have to make more conscious choices and decisions about food and exercise. This is especially true of women it seems to me, but I'm seeing a similar thing happening with men. Basal metabolic rates slow down as we age, but our appetites often don't... And if you actually get ill, well then everything can go out of whack so quickly....

[Meriwether]

I am in the process of losing weight. I expect it to take a while. I hope I can maintain it. I don't typically gain randomly. I do gain when pregnant. I gain so much so easily that I am sure it is a hormone problem. Over five pregnancies, I gained 270 pounds. I even gained 5 pounds for my miscarried baby (5 weeks). I lost the weight after each of my first two babies. I just lost the weight after my most recent baby. I need to lose ten pounds from Dd6, twenty pounds from Ds9, and five pounds from the miscarriage. I don't know if I will be able to maintain that weight, but I will cross that bridge when I get there. For now I am content to be losing. My weight was starting to affect my health. My desire is to be healthy, losing weight is secondary. Since getting healthy for me means restricting sugar and bread and moving more, I am losing weight. It is hard in that I have to be purposeful. I expect the last 15-20 pounds to be difficult to lose, especially, but overall it has been more tedious than difficult.

[Janie Grace]

No I don't. I think it's a combination of genetics and never having been overweight. It's probably not scientific but I think that if you're overweight at some point, your body tries harder to go back there. I'm pretty conscientious about what I eat -- I don't feel good if I eat a lot of carbs/sugar. But I don't exercise more than walking, and I don't ever restrict calories. I'm 5'4" and 125. This is a healthy weight for me. My tummy could use toning but whatever.

[Jean in Newcastle]

In real life, what has helped me are the people who leave me be.  They don't show a shred of judgment - no comment on my portion size (not even a "is that all you're going to eat?), no comment on the very rare slice of birthday cake I might take at a party, no comment on my clothing size.  They don't try to give me well meant unsolicited advice.  What they do is to simply be there for me.  If I invite them to come on a hike with me or to come work-out and it fits their schedule, they will just come along.  If I ask for a healthy recipe for xyz, they share it.  If I asked for an unhealthy recipe too, I'm sure that they would share it too.  The lifestyles of my thin friends and myself are very similar.  So we just share that lifestyle. 

 

On my end, I've learned to stop making comments that leave a minefield for my thin friends to navigate. I don't complain about my own weight or the dressing room mirrors or otherwise discuss my frustrations.  I limit those for places like my Sparkpeople blog and even then I try to focus on what I can do simply to be healthy. I don't give back-handed compliments about my thin friends' thinness either.  It's not really that these topics are off limits but that they aren't helpful and they don't help anyone in their weight loss or health journey.  I used to make those types of comments (except for the backhanded compliments) and they bit me in my behind every single time.  What happens is that the person ends up making assumptions in the process of trying to make me feel better and often those assumptions are wrong and hurtful.  Sometimes I slip up on that and bring it up and then vow to not do it again!  

 

I discuss my weight loss journey specifically with my doctors.  And even then I've learned to give concrete examples of what I am doing.  I hand them a food log if I know that we're going to be discussing weight.  I tell them exactly how many steps I'm doing on my Fitbit.  I tell them exactly what exercises I'm doing and for how long.  Otherwise even with medical professionals it becomes a subjective guessing game.  Then I feel like I spend more time trying to correct faulty assumptions instead of trying to trouble-shoot my real situation. 

[GinaPagnato]

I have to say that while I am maintaining a healthy weight and have really internalized healthy eating and exercising habits, I think it SUCKS BIG TIME that I can't eat whatever I want, whenever I want. And I don't mean binging on oreos. I mean that I have to be aware AT ALL TIMES that I am eating, or when I will eat, or how much I will eat later. I don't eat junk food, but I somehow can gain weight if I eat a bit more than normal, or a bit later than normal. My body wants to gain back the weight I've lost. I feel like it's just waiting, waiting, waiting...then *poof*, I'm back up 50 pounds.

 

So, for me, remembering why I do what I do is key to staying on top of things. And I fully understand that other posters probably do the same "work" I do, or even more, and don't have the results I have for whatever reason. But no, it's not easy for me to stay in the game mentally. And yes, I work very hard given the cards *I've* been dealt.

 

I also want to say that I'm really grateful for those who've shared their personal struggles in this area. I appreciate the honesty. It helps me in my own battle and keeps me aware of the uphill battle that others face. I've never judged people who are overweight because I spent years being overweight myself and I know it's a complete drag. But now, as a thinner person, not only do I still not judge, I have great compassion for the people I see who are working like crazy without getting visible results.

 

Keep on keepin' on.

 

:grouphug:

[frogger]

It is.  I actually love it.  But the muscle sits under fat.  So I not only weigh a lot more,  I also look fatter (even though I suspect the fat content has gone down somewhat).  And, trust me, I get a lot of nasty comments from my extended family about how "thick" I am.  Probably I get a lot of nasty comments from the world in general, although most people are too polite to say it out loud.

 

But I've noticed most other muscular women I know also look "fat" by society's standards.  There are a few lankier women I see at the gym who don't seem to have much fat, but who don't have a whole lot of muscle either.  They look muscular because their smaller muscles aren't overlain by fat, while I (and a lot of other women who have more muscle) just look fat because the much larger muscles are, um, smoothed out by that overlying layer.

 

I find it interesting that the people I interact with (and, I suspect, society in general) can't wrap their minds around a woman's body being muscular.  They assume it's all fat and dismiss the woman's entire worth accordingly.  (Even if it was all fat, geez, work on your own problems instead.  And read some more recent research about whether it's actually a health risk.)

 

Society has got a lot of growing up to do. 

 

 

There are a lot of people who definitely have a lot of growing up to do. 

 

 

 

It is also known that as we age having more fat can save our life. Maybe that is part of the reason we gain weight easier after a certain age. Someone who has very little reserves isn't as strong battling an illness where they don't have the strength to eat. Having some fat is a sign of health and used to be considered beautiful. Though the media portrays thin people as ideal, I guess, I'm not sure the majority of members agree. Perhaps we just haven't reached a critical mass. 

 

I had the opposite problem of being too thin especially during my growth spurt as a teen. I was super thin and even heard the phrase, "Oh gross" or whispered comments, I kid you not, when I got up for an award at a school assembly. My brother attempted to battle it with protein drinks and weight lifting but it didn't work until we were older. The only time I have ever felt feminine was while pregnant. It was the only time I could put on any weight at all. I have grown to not care so much and to appreciate the benefits and I pray I can do the same for my daughter who has the opposite problem. She has muscle though and has been known to beat boys her age at arm wrestling. I am glad she is at home more than she is dealing with society at this age though she will have to deal with it more as she becomes college age and what not but I'm hoping to give her a good foundation of emotional health and strength before that time. 

 

I think recognizing when comments are more of a reflection on another person than they are on you is a huge step towards health for yourself.  People make all sorts of comments out of ignorance and selfishness. They need to feel better about themselves and/ or they don't have any clue about people's differences. It is a good reminder how much words are a reflection of ourselves and think about that for a moment. Sometimes they mean well though. Since everyone's needs are different they assume you need the same thing as themselves or their last friend so I think a little grace and forgiveness is helpful too. 

 

  

 

Edited May 16, 2016 by frogger

[Ann.without.an.e]

In real life, what has helped me are the people who leave me be.  They don't show a shred of judgment - no comment on my portion size (not even a "is that all you're going to eat?), no comment on the very rare slice of birthday cake I might take at a party, no comment on my clothing size.  They don't try to give me well meant unsolicited advice.  What they do is to simply be there for me.  If I invite them to come on a hike with me or to come work-out and it fits their schedule, they will just come along.  If I ask for a healthy recipe for xyz, they share it.  If I asked for an unhealthy recipe too, I'm sure that they would share it too.  The lifestyles of my thin friends and myself are very similar.  So we just share that lifestyle. 

 

On my end, I've learned to stop making comments that leave a minefield for my thin friends to navigate. I don't complain about my own weight or the dressing room mirrors or otherwise discuss my frustrations.  I limit those for places like my Sparkpeople blog and even then I try to focus on what I can do simply to be healthy. I don't give back-handed compliments about my thin friends' thinness either.  It's not really that these topics are off limits but that they aren't helpful and they don't help anyone in their weight loss or health journey.  I used to make those types of comments (except for the backhanded compliments) and they bit me in my behind every single time.  What happens is that the person ends up making assumptions in the process of trying to make me feel better and often those assumptions are wrong and hurtful.  Sometimes I slip up on that and bring it up and then vow to not do it again!  

 

I discuss my weight loss journey specifically with my doctors.  And even then I've learned to give concrete examples of what I am doing.  I hand them a food log if I know that we're going to be discussing weight.  I tell them exactly how many steps I'm doing on my Fitbit.  I tell them exactly what exercises I'm doing and for how long.  Otherwise even with medical professionals it becomes a subjective guessing game.  Then I feel like I spend more time trying to correct faulty assumptions instead of trying to trouble-shoot my real situation. 

 

 

This sounds very mature and appropriate :)  I like it.

[Ann.without.an.e]

There are a lot of people who definitely have a lot of growing up to do. 

 

 

 

It is also known that as we age having more fat can save our life. Maybe that is part of the reason we gain weight easier after a certain age. Someone who has very little reserves isn't as strong battling an illness where they don't have the strength to eat. Having some fat is a sign of health and used to be considered beautiful. Though the media portrays thin people as ideal, I guess, I'm not sure the majority of members agree. Perhaps we just haven't reached a critical mass. 

 

I had the opposite problem of being too thin especially during my growth spurt as a teen. I was super thin and even heard the phrase, "Oh gross" or whispered comments, I kid you not, when I got up for an award at a school assembly. My brother attempted to battle it with protein drinks and weight lifting but it didn't work until we were older. The only time I have ever felt feminine was while pregnant. It was the only time I could put on any weight at all. I have grown to not care so much and to appreciate the benefits and I pray I can do the same for my daughter who has the opposite problem. She has muscle though and has been known to beat boys her age at arm wrestling. I am glad she is at home more than she is dealing with society at this age though she will have to deal with it more as she becomes college age and what not but I'm hoping to give her a good foundation of emotional health and strength before that time. 

 

I think recognizing when comments are more of a reflection on another person than they are on you is a huge step towards health for yourself.  People make all sorts of comments out of ignorance and selfishness. They need to feel better about themselves and/ or they don't have any clue about people's differences. It is a good reminder how much words are a reflection of ourselves and think about that for a moment. Sometimes they mean well though. Since everyone's needs are different they assume you need the same thing as themselves or their last friend so I think a little grace and forgiveness is helpful too. 

Edited May 16, 2016 by Attolia