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Did anyone else cry off and on throughout mothers day today?


Ottakee
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I was a weepy mess most of this morning and afternoon. When we were going through infertility and had a miscarriage I was OK. Now that I am 45, adoptive mother to 3, and foster mom to 1, I am a weepy mess.

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I lost my mother to cancer in February.  I have been a mess today.  The extra bonus is my eldest dd is getting married in 2 weeks and is home from college to make final plans.  While normally level headed, she can't figure out why I am not being "nice" to her today.  Because I didn't want to find her a lipstick, or a purse this morning while I was trying to get ready for church with a minimum of scrambling I am not being nice to her.  I just don't understand the level of stress she is under.  So not only do I not have my mom, but I get smacked in the face with what a terrible mom I am to have raised such a pill.   

 

Happy Mother's Day,

Amber in SJ

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I was fine even w/ my dd still at college (Grrr! They are a week later this year. Hate that.) until the last hymn at church this morning, at the end of the service. It was the hymn chose for her funeral. I lost her over 13 yrs ago and whenever I hear that song I am transported back to her funeral. The Ugly Cry.

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Mother's Day was the second anniversary of Marek's death. I put a lot of work into not crying.

 

:grouphug:

 

Tears would have been completely justified and understandable.

 

I shed a few, for my own reasons. I am not a fan of this holiday.

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I was fine even w/ my dd still at college (Grrr! They are a week later this year. Hate that.) until the last hymn at church this morning, at the end of the service. It was the hymn chose for her funeral. I lost her over 13 yrs ago and whenever I hear that song I am transported back to her funeral. Sob city.

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Monday our 15 year old foster son was arrested for a probation violation (he came to us on probation after a few serious charges) and is in juvenile detention.  Due to some safety concerns now, he will not be coming back to live with us.  Even though he was only here 3 months, the goal was to have him live here for 3 years until he was 18.  I know in my head he can't live here but my heart still hurts that he now has to make yet another move in his young life.

 

Our 12 year old foster boy that has been here for almost 18 months might be going home in 4 weeks.  That is the ideal goal in foster care.........but in this situation, everyone is very concerned about stability and safety.

 

One of my best friend's 20 year old son is in the hospital 3 hours away after having a stem cell transplant 10 days ago to try to cure his sickle cell.  She is down there with him right now and he is struggling and has no immune system and is needing blood transfusions.  I was hoping to drive down there today and take her out for lunch and go for a walk with her (we typically walk 3-4 days a week) but he is too fragile for her to leave his room and they are on full isolation precautions.

 

Those things, along with various people in our foster care/adoption journeys as well as all of the touching stories today just has me weeping off and on.

 

Life is just messy......and my eyes are often watery and red.

Edited by Ottakee
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:grouphug:

 

Tears would have been completely justified and understandable.

 

 

Samhain was last week. That helps siphon it off.

 

I didn't want to make too much of a mess for dd. She's a real hallmark holiday kind of girl and I'd already had to explain to her why I didn't want the chocolates her father bought.

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Mother's Day was the second anniversary of Marek's death. I put a lot of work into not crying.

I'm so sorry. His death seems much more recent to me than two years. I can't believe it's been that long. My heart goes out to you today. I know I don't know you personally, but your loss is still incomprehensible to me.

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Samhain was last week. That helps siphon it off.

 

I didn't want to make too much of a mess for dd. She's a real hallmark holiday kind of girl and I'd already had to explain to her why I didn't want the chocolates her father bought.

Rosie, we have a young woman spending the night at our house to take her mind off her mother's meth problem. Not everyone's mother's day is "Rosy", I am so, so sorry for your day. I'm sure it was tough.

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Me! I have such mixed emotions in this day. My mom abandoned me when I was 13. I've lost several babies, I have 3 adopted kids who my heart aches for their birth mothers, hard memories from a past MD when we were going through a rough part in our marriage, and then I have all these false expectations that I know are not right and can never be met bc of all the issues...yeah. I was weepy today.

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I cried for a while in the morning, as I miss my Mom (it's been a few years) and my son (it's been many years). I didn't feel like doing anything but lie in bed all day. But I was determined to focus on what I do have - my four living children and a great husband - and I knew that they wanted to give me a good day even though I tell them that it is a card store holiday and it no longer matters to me - so here is what I did

 

Laughed at the card my husband made me.

Made exactly the breakfast I wanted - brie, bacon, strawberries, and blueberries.

Went to church and met a new family - a single Mom and her 16yo daughter - and stopped thinking about myself so much as I made small talk. Maybe she will be a new friend!

Took a nap (a real nap lol) with my husband after church.

Went with my husband and younger children to visit our older girls, who share an apartment in Queens.

Had an unsweetened iced tea from Dunkin Donuts on the way - first one of the season!

Spent a nice afternoon with my family - my kids with sensory issues were very mellow and didn't make a big deal about anything.

Gave some good advice to my oldest, who is engaged, and my next daughter, who is not sure what to do about her jobs and boyfriend after she graduates in June.

Ate delicious BBQ pork and cole slaw from a hipster place that delivers.

Ate a terrible piece of cake - my daughter bought an Entenmanns strawberry cake because it looked springy and cheerful.

Opened a gift from my children - a lilac candle from Crabtree and Evelyn.

Went home and was in pjs by 8.

Watched Brooklyn with my husband.

Cuddled up and enjoyed him and the candle.

Slept well.

 

Really, the best Mother's Day I have had in years. It has been long enough since my mother died that I was able to think of her without drama, if that makes sense. We are used to the hole in our lives since our son died and we are all pretty good at not falling in.

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:grouphug: to us all.

I was already on the verge of tears in the am remembering my loss, then in church a prayer was for a young couple that just had a miscarriage. I lost it then. Then the day was all about my MIL and that brought angry tears. Then trying my best to ignore the fact that I have a mother but she is not in my life right now, I miss what should/could have been. Yep, weepy all day.

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:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  To you, Rosie.

 

 

 

I had a very nice Mother's Day weekend with my kids and husband but I am undergoing tests this week to figure out if I have a terminal illness so I was weepy at times too.  Just too much stress.

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  Waiting is so hard, especially when the results are so important. I'm sorry you are going through this.

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:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: To you, Rosie.

 

 

 

I had a very nice Mother's Day weekend with my kids and husband but I am undergoing tests this week to figure out if I have a terminal illness so I was weepy at times too. Just too much stress.

Oh Chris! Keep us posted. Praying for good news.

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I didn't think there was anything wrong with your post.

 

Well. This is a conversation, not just a "here is my terrible story" vent. I am ashamed that I often think that my situation is worse than everyone else's and I get very "woe is me, nobody knows the troubles I've seen". I am working on being more aware that many, many terrible things happen in life and I do better when I focus less on myself. kwim?

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